Chapter 108: Ocean - Back Home And So Lonely
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Ocean
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I had actually made it home right before my parents. That meant for the time between now and when they got home, I would be alone. I was used to being alone. I was alone from time to time at Makai's as well, so it wasn't that bad.
Still, even if I was alone, I knew that he was coming home to me soon enough. I knew that my parents were coming home soon, and that they would be happy to see me, but it just wouldn't be the same.
While I waited, I put my stuff away. We had put all of it inside Makai's car this morning, and he helped me to carry it in, but he didn't stay. I knew that if he had stayed at all, I wouldn't want him to leave. So it had actually been me that encouraged him to go home right after we had gotten here. I couldn't trust myself with him here.
After everything was put away, I looked around my room. It almost seemed like a stranger's home now. This didn't feel like the place that I belonged. I belonged at Makai's house. I should be with him. He needed me, and I needed him.
When my parents got home, I tried my best to look happy. I could tell that my mom was overjoyed to have me back home with them.
"Ocean, my baby boy. I missed you. You have no idea how hard it is to get used to not having any of you here." She was squeezing me tight; it was like she thought I was going to run away again or something.
"I missed you too, mom." That wasn't a lie, I had missed my parents. Who doesn't miss the people they lived with for eighteen years? Still, the way that I was missing the man that I was in love with was so much worse than the way I had missed my parents.
"I am going to make you a special dinner tonight. What do you want? Come on, name it." She was grinning at me.
"I don't know, you pick Mom. I can't decide."
"How about homemade pizzas. You love those. And I still have those crusts I made last time in the freezer."
"Sure, that will be amazing."
I let her start o dinner while I did my homework. It was like back to normal, but it just didn't feel right to me. This wasn't my normal anymore. This wasn't what I wanted. Dammit, I am a horrible person.
Here I was wanting to leave home so I could go and live with my boyfriend the moment that I turn eighteen. What kind of ungrateful kid am I? What kind of inconsiderate son does that? I truly was the worst.
That night I swear was the longest night of my life. I was there with my parents, but I felt so alone the entire night. The only highlight that I had was when I called Makai to tell him goodnight.
"I was just about to call you." I heard his voice after less than half a ring, which kind of proved his point.
"Well, I was getting ready for bed and thought I should call you." I grinned as I settled further into my pillows.
"I missed you." He sounded so sad, so empty when he said that. "It just wasn't the same without you here."
"It's only been since this afternoon." I joked with him, but I felt my heart start to ache with just those few words. "I missed you too." I sighed. "I felt so alone even with my parents here. I don't know how I'm going to survive."
"We'll figure it out." I could hear the same level of sorrow in him that I felt in me. "S..s..so Ocean, uhm-." I interrupted Makai while he stuttered and tried to say something.
"Since when do you stutter?" I laughed softly at how much he was being like me.
"It's only when it's something important to deal with you." I heard him take my words and spin them right back at me, but with a subtle twist.
"What important thing could you have to say?" I wondered with another laugh. "I already know you love me, and I love you. What else is there?"
"W..well." He stuttered again and paused for a moment. "Where do you plan to go to college?"
"I was hoping to get into either UCLA, USC, or SCA. Why do you ask?"
"I want to apply to all the schools that you applied to. I want to go to the same school as you. I want us to live together when we go off to school."
"Are you serious?" I say bolt upright in my bed.
"Yeah, I am. I want us to be together when we leave for college. I won't be able to be away from you, Ocean. I know this will make me sound like a sad sack or like I'm clingy or whatever, but I love you too much to live without you. I know that I need to make it until we graduate, but when we get the chance I want us to live together. I loved this past week. It was the best time of my entire life."
I felt like my heart was melting. He was telling me that he wanted me to live with him. He wanted me to go to the same school as him so that we could be together even more. Did he know how happy this was making me?
"I'm sorry, Ocean. I shouldn't have put that on you so soon. I'm an idiot." I could tell that he was starting to get the wrong idea.
"NO!" I screamed, wanting him to stop. "I mean, yes, I want that. No, you're not an idiot." I was floundering here. I thought I was good at swimming. So why then, did I feel like I was drowning? "I want to live with you too, Makai. I want to go to school with you. I should have thought of that too, but I guess that I was living too in the moment."
"Are you sure?" He didn't sound quite happy yet.
"God, yes." I felt the most relieved that I had all day. "I think that is the best thing that we could do. God, just knowing that I have that to look forward to will make these nights away from you that much easier."
I flopped back on my pillow as I thought about the time that we could have living together in the future.
"I am so happy that you think it's the best thing too. Oh God, Ocean, this is the best news I've heard in a little while." He sounded so much better now. The sorrow was gone from his voice.
"Hey, what is it you wanted to study anyway?" I had never asked him that. To be honest, we had never truly talked about the future before. It was always the 'in the moment' stuff.
"I am going into medicine, pediatrics. Or at least that is the plan for grad school. Before that, I will be studying various sciences to help me. I am focusing on things that will help me in my career. What about you?" I was already laughing before he could finish asking me what I wanted to study.
"I want to go into sports medicine. So I am focusing on that before I go to graduate school as well. It looks like we both had similar plans. Since we're both trying to get into medical school in the next four and a half years."
"I knew we were perfect for each other. We can have adjoining offices in the future or something." I heard his laughter through the phone. It was that cute and happy laugh that he often gave.
"Yeah, we are perfect for each other."
We continued to talk for the next hour or so. There was a lot that we ended up discussing that I never knew we needed to talk about before. We talked about whether we would live in the dorms or get our own apartment together. I was voting for an apartment, but Makai had made a valid point; what if we're required to live on campus until we're in a certain year. Some schools were like that.
We talked about whether or not we would join the swim team while at school. We discussed how things would be while we were living together. There was just so much that never crossed my mind, and I was surprised that it had crossed Makai's.
The longer that the conversation went on, I started to think about something that Dad had said. He mentioned something about Makai and I basically being married in our 'shifter' cultures. Is that possible? That would be interesting. It kind of felt like we were married when we were living together, so I guess that I wouldn't be completely opposed to us getting married at some point in the future.
Marrying Makai wouldn't be a bad thing. If we were to live together, decide to marry each other and actually take that step, I had to wonder how much of my family would approve of it. Would my siblings abandon me? My aunt?
Those thoughts were what was going through my mind when I drifted off to sleep. I had dreams about the future that night. Images of Makai and I in the future. We were living together and going to school. We got married with a lot of people there to support us. There was even a point in the dream where we had a son and a daughter. We must have adopted them or used a surrogate. I was surprised by the dream. I wasn't opposed to being a dad.. If it was the life from my dream, then I would be happy to have it.
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~~
Ocean
~~
I had actually made it home right before my parents. That meant for the time between now and when they got home, I would be alone. I was used to being alone. I was alone from time to time at Makai's as well, so it wasn't that bad.
Still, even if I was alone, I knew that he was coming home to me soon enough. I knew that my parents were coming home soon, and that they would be happy to see me, but it just wouldn't be the same.
While I waited, I put my stuff away. We had put all of it inside Makai's car this morning, and he helped me to carry it in, but he didn't stay. I knew that if he had stayed at all, I wouldn't want him to leave. So it had actually been me that encouraged him to go home right after we had gotten here. I couldn't trust myself with him here.
After everything was put away, I looked around my room. It almost seemed like a stranger's home now. This didn't feel like the place that I belonged. I belonged at Makai's house. I should be with him. He needed me, and I needed him.
When my parents got home, I tried my best to look happy. I could tell that my mom was overjoyed to have me back home with them.
"Ocean, my baby boy. I missed you. You have no idea how hard it is to get used to not having any of you here." She was squeezing me tight; it was like she thought I was going to run away again or something.
"I missed you too, mom." That wasn't a lie, I had missed my parents. Who doesn't miss the people they lived with for eighteen years? Still, the way that I was missing the man that I was in love with was so much worse than the way I had missed my parents.
"I am going to make you a special dinner tonight. What do you want? Come on, name it." She was grinning at me.
"I don't know, you pick Mom. I can't decide."
"How about homemade pizzas. You love those. And I still have those crusts I made last time in the freezer."
"Sure, that will be amazing."
I let her start o dinner while I did my homework. It was like back to normal, but it just didn't feel right to me. This wasn't my normal anymore. This wasn't what I wanted. Dammit, I am a horrible person.
Here I was wanting to leave home so I could go and live with my boyfriend the moment that I turn eighteen. What kind of ungrateful kid am I? What kind of inconsiderate son does that? I truly was the worst.
That night I swear was the longest night of my life. I was there with my parents, but I felt so alone the entire night. The only highlight that I had was when I called Makai to tell him goodnight.
"I was just about to call you." I heard his voice after less than half a ring, which kind of proved his point.
"Well, I was getting ready for bed and thought I should call you." I grinned as I settled further into my pillows.
"I missed you." He sounded so sad, so empty when he said that. "It just wasn't the same without you here."
"It's only been since this afternoon." I joked with him, but I felt my heart start to ache with just those few words. "I missed you too." I sighed. "I felt so alone even with my parents here. I don't know how I'm going to survive."
"We'll figure it out." I could hear the same level of sorrow in him that I felt in me. "S..s..so Ocean, uhm-." I interrupted Makai while he stuttered and tried to say something.
"Since when do you stutter?" I laughed softly at how much he was being like me.
"It's only when it's something important to deal with you." I heard him take my words and spin them right back at me, but with a subtle twist.
"What important thing could you have to say?" I wondered with another laugh. "I already know you love me, and I love you. What else is there?"
"W..well." He stuttered again and paused for a moment. "Where do you plan to go to college?"
"I was hoping to get into either UCLA, USC, or SCA. Why do you ask?"
"I want to apply to all the schools that you applied to. I want to go to the same school as you. I want us to live together when we go off to school."
"Are you serious?" I say bolt upright in my bed.
"Yeah, I am. I want us to be together when we leave for college. I won't be able to be away from you, Ocean. I know this will make me sound like a sad sack or like I'm clingy or whatever, but I love you too much to live without you. I know that I need to make it until we graduate, but when we get the chance I want us to live together. I loved this past week. It was the best time of my entire life."
I felt like my heart was melting. He was telling me that he wanted me to live with him. He wanted me to go to the same school as him so that we could be together even more. Did he know how happy this was making me?
"I'm sorry, Ocean. I shouldn't have put that on you so soon. I'm an idiot." I could tell that he was starting to get the wrong idea.
"NO!" I screamed, wanting him to stop. "I mean, yes, I want that. No, you're not an idiot." I was floundering here. I thought I was good at swimming. So why then, did I feel like I was drowning? "I want to live with you too, Makai. I want to go to school with you. I should have thought of that too, but I guess that I was living too in the moment."
"Are you sure?" He didn't sound quite happy yet.
"God, yes." I felt the most relieved that I had all day. "I think that is the best thing that we could do. God, just knowing that I have that to look forward to will make these nights away from you that much easier."
I flopped back on my pillow as I thought about the time that we could have living together in the future.
"I am so happy that you think it's the best thing too. Oh God, Ocean, this is the best news I've heard in a little while." He sounded so much better now. The sorrow was gone from his voice.
"Hey, what is it you wanted to study anyway?" I had never asked him that. To be honest, we had never truly talked about the future before. It was always the 'in the moment' stuff.
"I am going into medicine, pediatrics. Or at least that is the plan for grad school. Before that, I will be studying various sciences to help me. I am focusing on things that will help me in my career. What about you?" I was already laughing before he could finish asking me what I wanted to study.
"I want to go into sports medicine. So I am focusing on that before I go to graduate school as well. It looks like we both had similar plans. Since we're both trying to get into medical school in the next four and a half years."
"I knew we were perfect for each other. We can have adjoining offices in the future or something." I heard his laughter through the phone. It was that cute and happy laugh that he often gave.
"Yeah, we are perfect for each other."
We continued to talk for the next hour or so. There was a lot that we ended up discussing that I never knew we needed to talk about before. We talked about whether we would live in the dorms or get our own apartment together. I was voting for an apartment, but Makai had made a valid point; what if we're required to live on campus until we're in a certain year. Some schools were like that.
We talked about whether or not we would join the swim team while at school. We discussed how things would be while we were living together. There was just so much that never crossed my mind, and I was surprised that it had crossed Makai's.
The longer that the conversation went on, I started to think about something that Dad had said. He mentioned something about Makai and I basically being married in our 'shifter' cultures. Is that possible? That would be interesting. It kind of felt like we were married when we were living together, so I guess that I wouldn't be completely opposed to us getting married at some point in the future.
Marrying Makai wouldn't be a bad thing. If we were to live together, decide to marry each other and actually take that step, I had to wonder how much of my family would approve of it. Would my siblings abandon me? My aunt?
Those thoughts were what was going through my mind when I drifted off to sleep. I had dreams about the future that night. Images of Makai and I in the future. We were living together and going to school. We got married with a lot of people there to support us. There was even a point in the dream where we had a son and a daughter. We must have adopted them or used a surrogate. I was surprised by the dream. I wasn't opposed to being a dad.. If it was the life from my dream, then I would be happy to have it.
~~Ocean~~I had actually made it home right before my parents. That meant for the time between now and when they got home, I would be alone. I was used to being alone. I was alone from time to time at Makai's as well, so it wasn't that bad.Still, even if I was alone, I knew that he was coming home to me soon enough. I knew that my parents were coming home soon, and that they would be happy to see me, but it just wouldn't be the same.While I waited, I put my stuff away. We had put all of it inside Makai's car this morning, and he helped me to carry it in, but he didn't stay. I knew that if he had stayed at all, I wouldn't want him to leave. So it had actually been me that encouraged him to go home right after we had gotten here. I couldn't trust myself with him here.After everything was put away, I looked around my room. It almost seemed like a stranger's home now. This didn't feel like the place that I belonged. I belonged at Makai's house. I should be with him. He needed me, and I needed him.When my parents got home, I tried my best to look happy. I could tell that my mom was overjoyed to have me back home with them."Ocean, my baby boy. I missed you. You have no idea how hard it is to get used to not having any of you here." She was squeezing me tight; it was like she thought I was going to run away again or something."I missed you too, mom." That wasn't a lie, I had missed my parents. Who doesn't miss the people they lived with for eighteen years? Still, the way that I was missing the man that I was in love with was so much worse than the way I had missed my parents."I am going to make you a special dinner tonight. What do you want? Come on, name it." She was grinning at me."I don't know, you pick Mom. I can't decide.""How about homemade pizzas. You love those. And I still have those crusts I made last time in the freezer.""Sure, that will be amazing."I let her start o dinner while I did my homework. It was like back to normal, but it just didn't feel right to me. This wasn't my normal anymore. This wasn't what I wanted. Dammit, I am a horrible person.Here I was wanting to leave home so I could go and live with my boyfriend the moment that I turn eighteen. What kind of ungrateful kid am I? What kind of inconsiderate son does that? I truly was the worst.That night I swear was the longest night of my life. I was there with my parents, but I felt so alone the entire night. The only highlight that I had was when I called Makai to tell him goodnight."I was just about to call you." I heard his voice after less than half a ring, which kind of proved his point."Well, I was getting ready for bed and thought I should call you." I grinned as I settled further into my pillows."I missed you." He sounded so sad, so empty when he said that. "It just wasn't the same without you here.""It's only been since this afternoon." I joked with him, but I felt my heart start to ache with just those few words. "I missed you too." I sighed. "I felt so alone even with my parents here. I don't know how I'm going to survive.""We'll figure it out." I could hear the same level of sorrow in him that I felt in me. "S..s..so Ocean, uhm-." I interrupted Makai while he stuttered and tried to say something."Since when do you stutter?" I laughed softly at how much he was being like me."It's only when it's something important to deal with you." I heard him take my words and spin them right back at me, but with a subtle twist."What important thing could you have to say?" I wondered with another laugh. "I already know you love me, and I love you. What else is there?""W..well." He stuttered again and paused for a moment. "Where do you plan to go to college?""I was hoping to get into either UCLA, USC, or SCA. Why do you ask?""I want to apply to all the schools that you applied to. I want to go to the same school as you. I want us to live together when we go off to school.""Are you serious?" I say bolt upright in my bed."Yeah, I am. I want us to be together when we leave for college. I won't be able to be away from you, Ocean. I know this will make me sound like a sad sack or like I'm clingy or whatever, but I love you too much to live without you. I know that I need to make it until we graduate, but when we get the chance I want us to live together. I loved this past week. It was the best time of my entire life."I felt like my heart was melting. He was telling me that he wanted me to live with him. He wanted me to go to the same school as him so that we could be together even more. Did he know how happy this was making me?"I'm sorry, Ocean. I shouldn't have put that on you so soon. I'm an idiot." I could tell that he was starting to get the wrong idea."NO!" I screamed, wanting him to stop. "I mean, yes, I want that. No, you're not an idiot." I was floundering here. I thought I was good at swimming. So why then, did I feel like I was drowning? "I want to live with you too, Makai. I want to go to school with you. I should have thought of that too, but I guess that I was living too in the moment.""Are you sure?" He didn't sound quite happy yet."God, yes." I felt the most relieved that I had all day. "I think that is the best thing that we could do. God, just knowing that I have that to look forward to will make these nights away from you that much easier."I flopped back on my pillow as I thought about the time that we could have living together in the future."I am so happy that you think it's the best thing too. Oh God, Ocean, this is the best news I've heard in a little while." He sounded so much better now. The sorrow was gone from his voice."Hey, what is it you wanted to study anyway?" I had never asked him that. To be honest, we had never truly talked about the future before. It was always the 'in the moment' stuff."I am going into medicine, pediatrics. Or at least that is the plan for grad school. Before that, I will be studying various sciences to help me. I am focusing on things that will help me in my career. What about you?" I was already laughing before he could finish asking me what I wanted to study."I want to go into sports medicine. So I am focusing on that before I go to graduate school as well. It looks like we both had similar plans. Since we're both trying to get into medical school in the next four and a half years.""I knew we were perfect for each other. We can have adjoining offices in the future or something." I heard his laughter through the phone. It was that cute and happy laugh that he often gave."Yeah, we are perfect for each other."We continued to talk for the next hour or so. There was a lot that we ended up discussing that I never knew we needed to talk about before. We talked about whether we would live in the dorms or get our own apartment together. I was voting for an apartment, but Makai had made a valid point; what if we're required to live on campus until we're in a certain year. Some schools were like that.We talked about whether or not we would join the swim team while at school. We discussed how things would be while we were living together. There was just so much that never crossed my mind, and I was surprised that it had crossed Makai's.The longer that the conversation went on, I started to think about something that Dad had said. He mentioned something about Makai and I basically being married in our 'shifter' cultures. Is that possible? That would be interesting. It kind of felt like we were married when we were living together, so I guess that I wouldn't be completely opposed to us getting married at some point in the future. Marrying Makai wouldn't be a bad thing. If we were to live together, decide to marry each other and actually take that step, I had to wonder how much of my family would approve of it. Would my siblings abandon me? My aunt?Those thoughts were what was going through my mind when I drifted off to sleep. I had dreams about the future that night. Images of Makai and I in the future. We were living together and going to school. We got married with a lot of people there to support us. There was even a point in the dream where we had a son and a daughter. We must have adopted them or used a surrogate. I was surprised by the dream. I wasn't opposed to being a dad.. If it was the life from my dream, then I would be happy to have it.
