Chapter 37: Both - Alone
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~~
Ocean
~~
We walked silently back to the elevator. The entire ride up to the third floor was silent. The only sound was from the doors opening and closing and the ding that signaled that we had arrived on our floor. Just as we were about to part ways with the coach he turned and put a hand on my right shoulder and Makai's left.
"Look boys, I know this isn't ideal, but you can handle it. You can be mature about this and make it through this. Do it for your love of swimming, and for me. Please." He looked like he was trying to convince two spoiled kids that hated each other to play nicely. What the hell did he take me for?
Ugh! No matter what he said I was just going to go in there and keep to myself. I was going to grab a pillow and lay on the floor and sleep there. Or maybe there was an arm chair or something. I would sleep anywhere but in that bed with Makai.
I just don't think that my psyche could handle that right now. I had woken up from too many dreams with Makai in them to risk that right now. And when I woke up from those dreams I usually had a raging hard on. So um, yeah, I am not going to be sleeping in the same bed as him.
If I did sleep in the same bed as him and somehow had a dream about him I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't talk in my sleep, which I had a tendency to do. And if I talked in my sleep I might say his name. And if I were to say his name while sporting a boner that would make him think that I was gay and that I was in love with him. And that totally wasn't the case.
I was just confused with the way that he had been acting toward me. And ever since that strange dream on the beach I have been thinking about him more than I used to. It was nothing like me liking him or anything like that. It was just an involuntary bodily reaction. It could happen for anyone, honest.
"You boys have a good night. I will make sure to put something extra special on your order for dinner tonight to make up for all of this crazy shit. My treat, alright." Coach was smiling at us as if that made up for the whole thing. I guess in his eyes it did.
"Sure thing coach." I put on a fake smile.
"Yeah, we will be fine." Makai nodded.
With the coach seemingly satisfied by our answers we walked back down to our room together. Alone. Just the two of us. In that room with the one big bed. It was the type of big bed that couples shared and had plenty of room to move around and…
GAHH!! What the fuck is the matter with me? Why was I imagining Makai laying naked on the bed? That is not what I need to be thinking about right now. That is so not what I need to be thinking about. I didn't need to think about the fact that I have practically seen him naked already. He has already been naked next to me several times. I just never turned my head to look at what he was sporting. Though the bulge in his speedo didn't leave much to the imagination.
NO! NO! NO! I scream inside my head. I needed to stop this. This wasn't right. I am a man. He is a man. We're both men, this is not right. I can't have these kinds of thoughts about another guy, especially not one that is my teammate. If anyone else on the team knew I had these thoughts they would hate me. They would call me a freak or something like that. I couldn't keep thinking things like this at all. I just couldn't.
~~
Makai
~~
I could tell that Ocean was having trouble with something as we walked back to our room. He kept grabbing his head and shaking it from side to side like he was trying to rid himself of bad thoughts. I could only guess that he was really upset about having to be in this room with me.
If I could I would leave so that he didn't have to be bothered by me. I would call my parents and have them come and get me or something. I didn't want to cause Ocean an ounce of trouble. I just wanted him to be happy and to be able to swim. That was all that mattered to me right now.
When we got back into the room I watched as Ocean opened a drawer and dropped his bag into it without a word. He had marched ahead of me into the room this time, almost like he was going to power through this weekend or something.
After Ocean stored his bag he walked to the chair next to the window and dropped into it with a sigh.
"I can't believe they did this to us." He seemed to be talking more to himself than to me so I didn't say anything at all. Actually I didn't even move. "Are you frozen or something?" He lifted his head from the back of the chair and looked at me. I guess he was talking to me after all. There was something else that I realized.
"Hey, you're not stuttering." I pointed it out to him and he looked as if he was embarrassed by what I said. "It's just that almost every time that you have talked to me for the last week you have stuttered. I thought it was something that was caused by your accident?" I tilted my head in confusion as I looked at him.
"Oh, y..yeah. It did start after the accident. T..that's definitely t...true. I..i..it's just that it happens more w..w...when I'm...when I'm..-" He stopped there and looked away for a moment like he couldn't continue.
"When you're nervous?" I asked "It would make sense. You know, given that it happened again after I mentioned it. I'm sorry by the way."
"Y..yeah, it happens more w..when I'm n..n..nervous. I...I never s..stuttered b..b..before though." I watched as he grabbed his head in frustration. "GAH! This sucks."
"I'm sorry you have to share a room with me. If you would like I can leave. I wasn't originally supposed to be here anyway." I offered to leave, to let him have peace.
"And where would you go?" He glared at me like he didn't trust me.
"Home. I can take a cab. Call an uber. Or even call my parents to come get me. I can get there in many different ways."
"That's just stupid." He was standing up now. "Why would you leave before the tournament?" I guess when he was pissed off he wasn't nervous.
"So that you can get some peace and will be able to swim at your best."
"And what about you? Our school might not stand a chance without you, you know that. Why would you cripple us like that? Do you even care about the school?" He was really angry right now.
"Honestly I don't. I just transferred in so I don't have a particular loyalty to them yet. I would like it if they won, yeah. But mostly because I would like it if you won. That's what matters to me the most."
"What are you talking about?" He looked pissed off. "You want to throw the match so I can beat you or something? Well I don't take charity wins." He was breathing heavily now, clearly very angry with me. "You had better be at the fucking meet tomorrow and you had better swim your best. Because when I do beat you I will do so properly. I will beat you fair and square and prove that I am worthy."
Ocean's chest was heaving up and down after he was done yelling at me. I didn't quite understand his anger. Nor did I understand the last part of what he had said.
"Worthy of what?" I asked him just so I could get some clarity on what he was talking about, but for some reason unknown to me his face blushed bright red and he recoiled like he hadn't even realized what he had said.
"Nothing. Forget about it." He snapped at me as he stormed out of the room.
Was he trying to be worthy of Brittney? Was he trying to win her back? God I hoped not. Even if I couldn't be with him I never wanted to see him with her ever again. Please, God, anything but that. Anyone but her. These thoughts were whirling around my head just as the door of our room clicked shut and he disappeared down the hallway.. I didn't know when he would be back, but I would give him time to cool off.
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~~
Ocean
~~
We walked silently back to the elevator. The entire ride up to the third floor was silent. The only sound was from the doors opening and closing and the ding that signaled that we had arrived on our floor. Just as we were about to part ways with the coach he turned and put a hand on my right shoulder and Makai's left.
"Look boys, I know this isn't ideal, but you can handle it. You can be mature about this and make it through this. Do it for your love of swimming, and for me. Please." He looked like he was trying to convince two spoiled kids that hated each other to play nicely. What the hell did he take me for?
Ugh! No matter what he said I was just going to go in there and keep to myself. I was going to grab a pillow and lay on the floor and sleep there. Or maybe there was an arm chair or something. I would sleep anywhere but in that bed with Makai.
I just don't think that my psyche could handle that right now. I had woken up from too many dreams with Makai in them to risk that right now. And when I woke up from those dreams I usually had a raging hard on. So um, yeah, I am not going to be sleeping in the same bed as him.
If I did sleep in the same bed as him and somehow had a dream about him I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't talk in my sleep, which I had a tendency to do. And if I talked in my sleep I might say his name. And if I were to say his name while sporting a boner that would make him think that I was gay and that I was in love with him. And that totally wasn't the case.
I was just confused with the way that he had been acting toward me. And ever since that strange dream on the beach I have been thinking about him more than I used to. It was nothing like me liking him or anything like that. It was just an involuntary bodily reaction. It could happen for anyone, honest.
"You boys have a good night. I will make sure to put something extra special on your order for dinner tonight to make up for all of this crazy shit. My treat, alright." Coach was smiling at us as if that made up for the whole thing. I guess in his eyes it did.
"Sure thing coach." I put on a fake smile.
"Yeah, we will be fine." Makai nodded.
With the coach seemingly satisfied by our answers we walked back down to our room together. Alone. Just the two of us. In that room with the one big bed. It was the type of big bed that couples shared and had plenty of room to move around and…
GAHH!! What the fuck is the matter with me? Why was I imagining Makai laying naked on the bed? That is not what I need to be thinking about right now. That is so not what I need to be thinking about. I didn't need to think about the fact that I have practically seen him naked already. He has already been naked next to me several times. I just never turned my head to look at what he was sporting. Though the bulge in his speedo didn't leave much to the imagination.
NO! NO! NO! I scream inside my head. I needed to stop this. This wasn't right. I am a man. He is a man. We're both men, this is not right. I can't have these kinds of thoughts about another guy, especially not one that is my teammate. If anyone else on the team knew I had these thoughts they would hate me. They would call me a freak or something like that. I couldn't keep thinking things like this at all. I just couldn't.
~~
Makai
~~
I could tell that Ocean was having trouble with something as we walked back to our room. He kept grabbing his head and shaking it from side to side like he was trying to rid himself of bad thoughts. I could only guess that he was really upset about having to be in this room with me.
If I could I would leave so that he didn't have to be bothered by me. I would call my parents and have them come and get me or something. I didn't want to cause Ocean an ounce of trouble. I just wanted him to be happy and to be able to swim. That was all that mattered to me right now.
When we got back into the room I watched as Ocean opened a drawer and dropped his bag into it without a word. He had marched ahead of me into the room this time, almost like he was going to power through this weekend or something.
After Ocean stored his bag he walked to the chair next to the window and dropped into it with a sigh.
"I can't believe they did this to us." He seemed to be talking more to himself than to me so I didn't say anything at all. Actually I didn't even move. "Are you frozen or something?" He lifted his head from the back of the chair and looked at me. I guess he was talking to me after all. There was something else that I realized.
"Hey, you're not stuttering." I pointed it out to him and he looked as if he was embarrassed by what I said. "It's just that almost every time that you have talked to me for the last week you have stuttered. I thought it was something that was caused by your accident?" I tilted my head in confusion as I looked at him.
"Oh, y..yeah. It did start after the accident. T..that's definitely t...true. I..i..it's just that it happens more w..w...when I'm...when I'm..-" He stopped there and looked away for a moment like he couldn't continue.
"When you're nervous?" I asked "It would make sense. You know, given that it happened again after I mentioned it. I'm sorry by the way."
"Y..yeah, it happens more w..when I'm n..n..nervous. I...I never s..stuttered b..b..before though." I watched as he grabbed his head in frustration. "GAH! This sucks."
"I'm sorry you have to share a room with me. If you would like I can leave. I wasn't originally supposed to be here anyway." I offered to leave, to let him have peace.
"And where would you go?" He glared at me like he didn't trust me.
"Home. I can take a cab. Call an uber. Or even call my parents to come get me. I can get there in many different ways."
"That's just stupid." He was standing up now. "Why would you leave before the tournament?" I guess when he was pissed off he wasn't nervous.
"So that you can get some peace and will be able to swim at your best."
"And what about you? Our school might not stand a chance without you, you know that. Why would you cripple us like that? Do you even care about the school?" He was really angry right now.
"Honestly I don't. I just transferred in so I don't have a particular loyalty to them yet. I would like it if they won, yeah. But mostly because I would like it if you won. That's what matters to me the most."
"What are you talking about?" He looked pissed off. "You want to throw the match so I can beat you or something? Well I don't take charity wins." He was breathing heavily now, clearly very angry with me. "You had better be at the fucking meet tomorrow and you had better swim your best. Because when I do beat you I will do so properly. I will beat you fair and square and prove that I am worthy."
Ocean's chest was heaving up and down after he was done yelling at me. I didn't quite understand his anger. Nor did I understand the last part of what he had said.
"Worthy of what?" I asked him just so I could get some clarity on what he was talking about, but for some reason unknown to me his face blushed bright red and he recoiled like he hadn't even realized what he had said.
"Nothing. Forget about it." He snapped at me as he stormed out of the room.
Was he trying to be worthy of Brittney? Was he trying to win her back? God I hoped not. Even if I couldn't be with him I never wanted to see him with her ever again. Please, God, anything but that. Anyone but her. These thoughts were whirling around my head just as the door of our room clicked shut and he disappeared down the hallway.. I didn't know when he would be back, but I would give him time to cool off.
~~Ocean~~We walked silently back to the elevator. The entire ride up to the third floor was silent. The only sound was from the doors opening and closing and the ding that signaled that we had arrived on our floor. Just as we were about to part ways with the coach he turned and put a hand on my right shoulder and Makai's left."Look boys, I know this isn't ideal, but you can handle it. You can be mature about this and make it through this. Do it for your love of swimming, and for me. Please." He looked like he was trying to convince two spoiled kids that hated each other to play nicely. What the hell did he take me for?Ugh! No matter what he said I was just going to go in there and keep to myself. I was going to grab a pillow and lay on the floor and sleep there. Or maybe there was an arm chair or something. I would sleep anywhere but in that bed with Makai.I just don't think that my psyche could handle that right now. I had woken up from too many dreams with Makai in them to risk that right now. And when I woke up from those dreams I usually had a raging hard on. So um, yeah, I am not going to be sleeping in the same bed as him.If I did sleep in the same bed as him and somehow had a dream about him I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't talk in my sleep, which I had a tendency to do. And if I talked in my sleep I might say his name. And if I were to say his name while sporting a boner that would make him think that I was gay and that I was in love with him. And that totally wasn't the case.I was just confused with the way that he had been acting toward me. And ever since that strange dream on the beach I have been thinking about him more than I used to. It was nothing like me liking him or anything like that. It was just an involuntary bodily reaction. It could happen for anyone, honest."You boys have a good night. I will make sure to put something extra special on your order for dinner tonight to make up for all of this crazy shit. My treat, alright." Coach was smiling at us as if that made up for the whole thing. I guess in his eyes it did."Sure thing coach." I put on a fake smile."Yeah, we will be fine." Makai nodded.With the coach seemingly satisfied by our answers we walked back down to our room together. Alone. Just the two of us. In that room with the one big bed. It was the type of big bed that couples shared and had plenty of room to move around andGAHH!! What the fuck is the matter with me? Why was I imagining Makai laying naked on the bed? That is not what I need to be thinking about right now. That is so not what I need to be thinking about. I didn't need to think about the fact that I have practically seen him naked already. He has already been naked next to me several times. I just never turned my head to look at what he was sporting. Though the bulge in his speedo didn't leave much to the imagination.NO! NO! NO! I scream inside my head. I needed to stop this. This wasn't right. I am a man. He is a man. We're both men, this is not right. I can't have these kinds of thoughts about another guy, especially not one that is my teammate. If anyone else on the team knew I had these thoughts they would hate me. They would call me a freak or something like that. I couldn't keep thinking things like this at all. I just couldn't.~~Makai~~I could tell that Ocean was having trouble with something as we walked back to our room. He kept grabbing his head and shaking it from side to side like he was trying to rid himself of bad thoughts. I could only guess that he was really upset about having to be in this room with me.If I could I would leave so that he didn't have to be bothered by me. I would call my parents and have them come and get me or something. I didn't want to cause Ocean an ounce of trouble. I just wanted him to be happy and to be able to swim. That was all that mattered to me right now.When we got back into the room I watched as Ocean opened a drawer and dropped his bag into it without a word. He had marched ahead of me into the room this time, almost like he was going to power through this weekend or something.After Ocean stored his bag he walked to the chair next to the window and dropped into it with a sigh."I can't believe they did this to us." He seemed to be talking more to himself than to me so I didn't say anything at all. Actually I didn't even move. "Are you frozen or something?" He lifted his head from the back of the chair and looked at me. I guess he was talking to me after all. There was something else that I realized."Hey, you're not stuttering." I pointed it out to him and he looked as if he was embarrassed by what I said. "It's just that almost every time that you have talked to me for the last week you have stuttered. I thought it was something that was caused by your accident?" I tilted my head in confusion as I looked at him."Oh, y..yeah. It did start after the accident. T..that's definitely t...true. I..i..it's just that it happens more w..w...when I'm...when I'm..-" He stopped there and looked away for a moment like he couldn't continue."When you're nervous?" I asked "It would make sense. You know, given that it happened again after I mentioned it. I'm sorry by the way.""Y..yeah, it happens more w..when I'm n..n..nervous. I...I never s..stuttered b..b..before though." I watched as he grabbed his head in frustration. "GAH! This sucks.""I'm sorry you have to share a room with me. If you would like I can leave. I wasn't originally supposed to be here anyway." I offered to leave, to let him have peace."And where would you go?" He glared at me like he didn't trust me."Home. I can take a cab. Call an uber. Or even call my parents to come get me. I can get there in many different ways.""That's just stupid." He was standing up now. "Why would you leave before the tournament?" I guess when he was pissed off he wasn't nervous."So that you can get some peace and will be able to swim at your best.""And what about you? Our school might not stand a chance without you, you know that. Why would you cripple us like that? Do you even care about the school?" He was really angry right now."Honestly I don't. I just transferred in so I don't have a particular loyalty to them yet. I would like it if they won, yeah. But mostly because I would like it if you won. That's what matters to me the most.""What are you talking about?" He looked pissed off. "You want to throw the match so I can beat you or something? Well I don't take charity wins." He was breathing heavily now, clearly very angry with me. "You had better be at the fucking meet tomorrow and you had better swim your best. Because when I do beat you I will do so properly. I will beat you fair and square and prove that I am worthy."Ocean's chest was heaving up and down after he was done yelling at me. I didn't quite understand his anger. Nor did I understand the last part of what he had said."Worthy of what?" I asked him just so I could get some clarity on what he was talking about, but for some reason unknown to me his face blushed bright red and he recoiled like he hadn't even realized what he had said."Nothing. Forget about it." He snapped at me as he stormed out of the room.Was he trying to be worthy of Brittney? Was he trying to win her back? God I hoped not. Even if I couldn't be with him I never wanted to see him with her ever again. Please, God, anything but that. Anyone but her. These thoughts were whirling around my head just as the door of our room clicked shut and he disappeared down the hallway.. I didn't know when he would be back, but I would give him time to cool off.
