Original Author: ひのはら (Hinohara)
Date Submitted to Kakuyomu: 2021/10/02
After opening the windows for ventilation, Aira begins vacuuming.
The autumn breeze just before winter feels pleasantly cool.
She finishes cleaning the living room and bedroom before standing in front of the streaming studio.
Since she was told this room is off-limits, she never cleaned it but she remembers how dusty it was the last time she entered.
Taking advantage of Ema's absence, she sneaks in.
It should be fine since she's not doing anything bad. She opens the windows and begins vacuuming.
Looking at the bookshelf and racks, the top is covered in a layer of dust.
"So dirty..."
Unable to take it, she brings in a wet rag and begins scrubbing the shelf.
She wipes while being extra careful to not knock over the figures or the piles of books.
"Ah..."
She sees that framed photo.
The one of Ema in middle school with Tsuyama Megumi.
Then, next to that is the photo of the two of them as adults.
"...What's with this?"
She picks them up and soon regrets it.
Driven by unsightly jealousy, Aira is tempted to just throw these photos away.
This woman is the one that causes Ema to cry in her dreams.
Aira detests... and envies this woman who has a monopoly on Ema's heart so much.
She envies the woman named Tsuyama Megumi for being loved by Ema.
This person stole Ema away...
From both Ema's parents and Aira.
Without putting them back in their original places, Aira tries to leave the room with the photos still in her hands.
That's when she sees Ema leaning against the entrance.
"What are you doing?"
"..."
She was so focused on cleaning that she didn't notice Ema had returned.
"Ah..."
"Why do you have the photos of Tsuyama-sensei?"
"...That's none of your business."
"Huh? What kind of attitude is that after taking someone else's stuff?"
Not in her usual playful mood, Ema sounds seriously angry.
Seeing Ema like this for the first time, Aira internally panics, not knowing what to do.
"This... this is..."
Just as she's about to come up with some excuse, a ringtone interrupts them.
The source is Ema's smartphone and because of how close they are to each other, Aira can see who the caller is.
"...I'm going to step out for a moment."
When Ema tries to leave the room, Aira grabs her arm.
Aira looks down to desperately hold back the tears that are about to overflow at any moment.
"...Aira?"
"Don't..."
"Eh...?"
"Don't answer the phone."
Aira's voice trembles as she pleads. Ema turns to face her.
"What's wrong...?"
"...Do you love that person?"
"Aira..."
"Didn't you cry while calling out her name...? Isn't that the person who hurt you...?"
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Without replying, Ema shakes off Aira's hand and leaves the room.
Aira hurries after her, but Ema already answered the call.
The one who called Ema is Tsuyama Megumi.
"...Tonight? Why did you suddenly... Yes, I'll be there."
After a brief exchange, Ema hangs up.
What is Ema going to do with that person tonight?
Just imagining it makes Aira's heart ache and her tears spill out.
"...Aira."
"Even though you said you broke things off with your sex friends..."
Aira shakes off Ema's hand that tries to wipe her tears away.
She didn't want to expose this ugly, jealous side of herself to Ema any longer.
"...Hurry up and go."
When Aira tries to quickly make her way to the bedroom, this time it's Ema grabbing onto Aira's arm.
Not even giving her time to turn around in surprise, Ema hugs her tightly from behind.
"...Let go of me."
"No."
"Why...? Just hurry up and go to Tsuyama Megumi's place... You love her, don't you?"
Ema doesn't give an immediate reply and the two of them remain silent for a while.
Aira waits patiently. Ema finally speaks in a voice filled with pain.
"...I loved her."
Ema pulls out her smartphone and begins to make a call.
She delivers her message to the person on the other end.
"...Hello? Looks like I can't go today after all."
"..."
"...It's impossible, so stop calling me."
It all happened in less than a minute.
The sudden cancellation happened so quickly that Aira's mind can't keep up.
"Why...?"
"...Because you're crying. If it makes Aira cry, then I don't want to go anymore."
Aira doesn't want her to say it like that.
Since Aira is still a high school student... still a kid.
Her emotions hang on Ema's every word and right now she's rejoicing.
It makes her want to interpret Ema's words as she likes and get her hopes up.
Still crying, Aira lets Ema take her hand. Ema guides her to the sofa.
"...I didn't want to say anything to my family or you because... I was afraid of being scorned if any of you knew the truth."
She sits down next to Aira without facing her.
Even looking from the side, Aira can tell from how Ema is looking straight ahead that she made up her mind.
"I... was involved in an extramarital affair."
Those two words had never once had anything to do with Aira's life until now.
That's what connected Tsuyama Megumi and Ema.
And that is also the root of the strong guilt she holds.
"...Back in middle school, I fell in love with Tsuyama-sensei... Nothing happened at that time. However... when I came to Tokyo, Tsuyama-sensei happened to be working at a school in Tokyo... I met her again at a bar. I confessed my feelings in the heat of the moment and when she accepted my confession, I was on cloud nine."
Her body trembles slightly, regretting her past actions.
Even so, she doesn't stop speaking. Little by little, she confesses her past mistakes.
"...Then about six months into our relationship... she told me she was actually married. However, she said things weren't going well with her husband... and that they would be getting divorced the next month."
What should a high schooler like Aira say in a time like this?
Not knowing the answer to that, she only continues to listen in silence.
"Next month became three months... then half a year, then one year... In the end, she continued dragging things out and our relationship continued for 4 years... I loved her, so I just kept on waiting for her to leave her husband."
"Mm..."
"Then she suddenly told me that she was pregnant. Things not going well with her husband... the divorce... those were all lies... I kept believing her lies like an idiot. That's why we broke up. Her kid and husband didn't do anything wrong, so I couldn't steal the mother away."
She put an end to that four-year affair one year ago.
They haven't contacted each other since, but today she suddenly called Ema. That's what Ema said as she continued.
"As for the cigarettes, they're the brand that she smoked... Smoking them made me feel better, so I gradually drowned myself deeper and deeper in them. It's what I deserve, but the guilt of being involved in an extramarital affair crushed me and I was at my limit..."
Why did Ema only seek physical relationships with sex friends instead of finding a specific partner?
Why did she become so reluctant to find someone special to her?
It's because she got betrayed so much that she stopped believing in people.
Ichijou Ema is someone who has no hope left and no longer expects anything.
Indescribable feelings well up in Aira and she could only express them by hugging Ema.
"...She was a wonderful person. As a teacher... she was reliable and kind... Tsuyama-sensei was really wonderful..."
"...Ema."
"But... I was wrong. The Tsuyama-sensei I loved back then... wasn't who Megumi was."
Aira rubs her back and Ema slowly regains her composure.
However, her emotions remain shaken.
After that reunion with Tsuyama Megumi, Ema continued to get her heart toyed with until it was all messed up.
"It's been one year since she contacted me. Remembering those days now... is scary... I don't want to go through those painful days again. I've been having so much fun with you, I completely forgot how bitter they were."
The woman who always seemed so cheerful to Aira now seems so downcast.
What words can Aira say to Ema, who is struggling with guilt and afraid to be happy?
"I know that I have no right to be happy after being involved in that affair, but... when I'm with you, Aira..."
Aira grabs her cheeks and gives her a kiss where only their lips touch.
Aira tries to remain as composed as possible while responding to the astonished Ema.
"I thought you might want a cigarette."
Ema said that she always smoked whenever she was having a hard time.
She would seek out the cigarettes introduced to her by the woman who broke her heart.
"...Ironic, isn't it? Even though I detest that woman so much, I can't help but crave the cigarettes that she introduced me to."
Even Ema surely understands why she's dependent on those cigarettes.
She has still not gotten over that affair and remains fixated on those cigarettes.
She needs those cigarettes to soften the pain, but it's nothing more than a stop-gap measure.
Like taking painkillers, they may temporarily relieve the pain, but it does not solve the problem at its core.
"...Ema."
Why does Ema have to suffer so much even though she's so kind?
She took part in an extramarital affair without knowing anything and she continued to wait, believing in the words of the person she loved.
Even after finding out everything was a lie, she still can't separate herself from the cigarettes that Tsuyama Megumi introduced her to.
Aira wants to protect Ema from anything that would ever hurt her.
No matter how strong or frightening the opponent is, Aira will rush in even if it's reckless in order to protect Ema.
Just like a Pomeranian barking to protect its owner.
Original Author: ひのはら (Hinohara)
Date Submitted to Kakuyomu: 2021/10/02
After opening the windows for ventilation, Aira begins vacuuming.
The autumn breeze just before winter feels pleasantly cool.
She finishes cleaning the living room and bedroom before standing in front of the streaming studio.
Since she was told this room is off-limits, she never cleaned it but she remembers how dusty it was the last time she entered.
Taking advantage of Ema's absence, she sneaks in.
It should be fine since she's not doing anything bad. She opens the windows and begins vacuuming.
Looking at the bookshelf and racks, the top is covered in a layer of dust.
"So dirty..."
Unable to take it, she brings in a wet rag and begins scrubbing the shelf.
She wipes while being extra careful to not knock over the figures or the piles of books.
"Ah..."
She sees that framed photo.
The one of Ema in middle school with Tsuyama Megumi.
Then, next to that is the photo of the two of them as adults.
"...What's with this?"
She picks them up and soon regrets it.
Driven by unsightly jealousy, Aira is tempted to just throw these photos away.
This woman is the one that causes Ema to cry in her dreams.
Aira detests... and envies this woman who has a monopoly on Ema's heart so much.
She envies the woman named Tsuyama Megumi for being loved by Ema.
This person stole Ema away...
From both Ema's parents and Aira.
Without putting them back in their original places, Aira tries to leave the room with the photos still in her hands.
That's when she sees Ema leaning against the entrance.
"What are you doing?"
"..."
She was so focused on cleaning that she didn't notice Ema had returned.
"Ah..."
"Why do you have the photos of Tsuyama-sensei?"
"...That's none of your business."
"Huh? What kind of attitude is that after taking someone else's stuff?"
Not in her usual playful mood, Ema sounds seriously angry.
Seeing Ema like this for the first time, Aira internally panics, not knowing what to do.
"This... this is..."
Just as she's about to come up with some excuse, a ringtone interrupts them.
The source is Ema's smartphone and because of how close they are to each other, Aira can see who the caller is.
"...I'm going to step out for a moment."
When Ema tries to leave the room, Aira grabs her arm.
Aira looks down to desperately hold back the tears that are about to overflow at any moment.
"...Aira?"
"Don't..."
"Eh...?"
"Don't answer the phone."
Aira's voice trembles as she pleads. Ema turns to face her.
"What's wrong...?"
"...Do you love that person?"
"Aira..."
"Didn't you cry while calling out her name...? Isn't that the person who hurt you...?"
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Without replying, Ema shakes off Aira's hand and leaves the room.
Aira hurries after her, but Ema already answered the call.
The one who called Ema is Tsuyama Megumi.
"...Tonight? Why did you suddenly... Yes, I'll be there."
After a brief exchange, Ema hangs up.
What is Ema going to do with that person tonight?
Just imagining it makes Aira's heart ache and her tears spill out.
"...Aira."
"Even though you said you broke things off with your sex friends..."
Aira shakes off Ema's hand that tries to wipe her tears away.
She didn't want to expose this ugly, jealous side of herself to Ema any longer.
"...Hurry up and go."
When Aira tries to quickly make her way to the bedroom, this time it's Ema grabbing onto Aira's arm.
Not even giving her time to turn around in surprise, Ema hugs her tightly from behind.
"...Let go of me."
"No."
"Why...? Just hurry up and go to Tsuyama Megumi's place... You love her, don't you?"
Ema doesn't give an immediate reply and the two of them remain silent for a while.
Aira waits patiently. Ema finally speaks in a voice filled with pain.
"...I loved her."
Ema pulls out her smartphone and begins to make a call.
She delivers her message to the person on the other end.
"...Hello? Looks like I can't go today after all."
"..."
"...It's impossible, so stop calling me."
It all happened in less than a minute.
The sudden cancellation happened so quickly that Aira's mind can't keep up.
"Why...?"
"...Because you're crying. If it makes Aira cry, then I don't want to go anymore."
Aira doesn't want her to say it like that.
Since Aira is still a high school student... still a kid.
Her emotions hang on Ema's every word and right now she's rejoicing.
It makes her want to interpret Ema's words as she likes and get her hopes up.
Still crying, Aira lets Ema take her hand. Ema guides her to the sofa.
"...I didn't want to say anything to my family or you because... I was afraid of being scorned if any of you knew the truth."
She sits down next to Aira without facing her.
Even looking from the side, Aira can tell from how Ema is looking straight ahead that she made up her mind.
"I... was involved in an extramarital affair."
Those two words had never once had anything to do with Aira's life until now.
That's what connected Tsuyama Megumi and Ema.
And that is also the root of the strong guilt she holds.
"...Back in middle school, I fell in love with Tsuyama-sensei... Nothing happened at that time. However... when I came to Tokyo, Tsuyama-sensei happened to be working at a school in Tokyo... I met her again at a bar. I confessed my feelings in the heat of the moment and when she accepted my confession, I was on cloud nine."
Her body trembles slightly, regretting her past actions.
Even so, she doesn't stop speaking. Little by little, she confesses her past mistakes.
"...Then about six months into our relationship... she told me she was actually married. However, she said things weren't going well with her husband... and that they would be getting divorced the next month."
What should a high schooler like Aira say in a time like this?
Not knowing the answer to that, she only continues to listen in silence.
"Next month became three months... then half a year, then one year... In the end, she continued dragging things out and our relationship continued for 4 years... I loved her, so I just kept on waiting for her to leave her husband."
"Mm..."
"Then she suddenly told me that she was pregnant. Things not going well with her husband... the divorce... those were all lies... I kept believing her lies like an idiot. That's why we broke up. Her kid and husband didn't do anything wrong, so I couldn't steal the mother away."
She put an end to that four-year affair one year ago.
They haven't contacted each other since, but today she suddenly called Ema. That's what Ema said as she continued.
"As for the cigarettes, they're the brand that she smoked... Smoking them made me feel better, so I gradually drowned myself deeper and deeper in them. It's what I deserve, but the guilt of being involved in an extramarital affair crushed me and I was at my limit..."
Why did Ema only seek physical relationships with sex friends instead of finding a specific partner?
Why did she become so reluctant to find someone special to her?
It's because she got betrayed so much that she stopped believing in people.
Ichijou Ema is someone who has no hope left and no longer expects anything.
Indescribable feelings well up in Aira and she could only express them by hugging Ema.
"...She was a wonderful person. As a teacher... she was reliable and kind... Tsuyama-sensei was really wonderful..."
"...Ema."
"But... I was wrong. The Tsuyama-sensei I loved back then... wasn't who Megumi was."
Aira rubs her back and Ema slowly regains her composure.
However, her emotions remain shaken.
After that reunion with Tsuyama Megumi, Ema continued to get her heart toyed with until it was all messed up.
"It's been one year since she contacted me. Remembering those days now... is scary... I don't want to go through those painful days again. I've been having so much fun with you, I completely forgot how bitter they were."
The woman who always seemed so cheerful to Aira now seems so downcast.
What words can Aira say to Ema, who is struggling with guilt and afraid to be happy?
"I know that I have no right to be happy after being involved in that affair, but... when I'm with you, Aira..."
Aira grabs her cheeks and gives her a kiss where only their lips touch.
Aira tries to remain as composed as possible while responding to the astonished Ema.
"I thought you might want a cigarette."
Ema said that she always smoked whenever she was having a hard time.
She would seek out the cigarettes introduced to her by the woman who broke her heart.
"...Ironic, isn't it? Even though I detest that woman so much, I can't help but crave the cigarettes that she introduced me to."
Even Ema surely understands why she's dependent on those cigarettes.
She has still not gotten over that affair and remains fixated on those cigarettes.
She needs those cigarettes to soften the pain, but it's nothing more than a stop-gap measure.
Like taking painkillers, they may temporarily relieve the pain, but it does not solve the problem at its core.
"...Ema."
Why does Ema have to suffer so much even though she's so kind?
She took part in an extramarital affair without knowing anything and she continued to wait, believing in the words of the person she loved.
Even after finding out everything was a lie, she still can't separate herself from the cigarettes that Tsuyama Megumi introduced her to.
Aira wants to protect Ema from anything that would ever hurt her.
No matter how strong or frightening the opponent is, Aira will rush in even if it's reckless in order to protect Ema.
Just like a Pomeranian barking to protect its owner.
