“Now, Enno, why don’t you try playing with the rest? I see you sitting there, talking to yourself every day during recess; why not try playing with the ball on the field or maybe in the playground?”
“I wanna, but I wanna play my thing too. I don’t think anyone else wants to play my thing….”
“You won’t know if you don’t ask!”
I looked up at my teacher. Was there a point in explaining? Not really. I had already asked people to play with me, and they didn’t want to. My ideas were weird, but everyone else’s ideas were weird too. I didn’t really want to play on the field or anything; I wanted to play my thing.
I mean, I got where she was coming from. I bet I looked weird and lonely playing by myself next to the weird door. But I was doing what I wanted to do. If I had to do it alone, then fine.
Suddenly, I wasn’t looking up at my teacher anymore. I was sitting at a table across from a tired-looking woman. A familiar woman. My mom.
“You can’t quit Enno. You’ve been on the team since you were little. If you quit that, who knows what you’ll quit in the future? I’m fine with you choosing the other option, but you need to do both.”
“Doing both would eat up too much time. I’d rather take the option where I don’t have to play on a team.”
I never did like team sports. The dynamic stressed me out too much. Either I got frustrated because my teammates’ poor performance dragged me down, or I fucked up and dragged down my team, or they hogged all the glory, or they pushed me into the spotlight.
The other option seemed better to me. An individual sport. I had complete control over my image, my performance, and my results.
The only person I could be frustrated with would be myself.
My mother didn’t seem to get it. Whatever. She only cared about me living out her unfulfilled dreams of becoming some sports champion. For some reason, I had a vision of my mother, looking even more haggard than usual, screaming at me with a wild look in her eyes. She was waving around a pill bottle.
The apparition of her wild form grew solid, and her screaming was visceral. Before I could listen to her accusations any longer, I turned away. Instead of taking the weird door, I left the house, strolling back to the comfort of my apartment.
But it wouldn’t last. I was transported to a small office, sitting on a comfy chair and tapping my foot. A man sat across from me, occasionally tapping on a computer.
“I’m not saying your work isn’t excellent, Enno. It’s quite good even. But the point of this project - the point of every project I’ve assigned so far - was to improve team-based skills. I don’t know how you got around the group assignments, but I have to insist that you join one of the groups.”
“I understand, Professor, but please reconsider the grade changes. The only criteria the projects defined for group work was to indicate the proportion of work done by each team member. I don’t think lowering the grade on some other basis is fair.”
The man sighed, nodding. What was it with teachers and group work? I had learned back in high school that there was ultimately no point. I didn’t even have an issue with communication; some people just didn’t do their work, or their work was just plain bad. The team-based skills the Professor was talking about really weren’t that hard.
So I just did the work myself. My grades had been high, and there was no reason to doubt my methods. Even this college course’s projects had been possible for me to do myself and do well, even if they were meant to be completed in groups of six.
Was I exhausted? Sure. But the results spoke for themselves.
“I agree. It was an empty threat at best. However, I will make those changes in the future if needed. I’ll assign you to a group right now. Please go through the weird door.”
Another flash of a vision. The end of the semester. My grade had fallen because the group I had been assigned to had turned in subpar work. Add that to the evidence pile, I suppose.
Another shift. I was getting pretty tired of all this shifting around; couldn’t this whole situation speed things up a bit? On that note, what exactly was this situation?
Before I could think about it anymore, I found myself sitting at a desk. This scene was all too familiar: an office littered with papers, computers, and spare electronic parts. A 3D model on the screen in front of me. A pen spinning in my hand.
“Yo Enno! Check this out! Kanan can chug three drinks at once!”
Jess’ voice streamed out of the break room, accompanied by cheering and laughter. Those idiots. Not a shred of consciousness for safety. Sloshing drinks around was bad enough during work hours; with all the clutter around, someone could get hurt or some materials damaged.
I sighed. Fridays were always like this. Chaotic and restless. A foreign thought invaded my head. Sadness.
Sadness? That wasn’t right. This moment wasn’t one where I felt sad. I was annoyed, exasperated. Tired. But the sadness remained. I found myself standing up and walking over to the break room. I had never done this before. The others had called me over countless times, and I had never bothered to check it out.
I was sitting in my chair, spinning my pen.
What?
I quickly stood up and walked over to the break room, only to find myself sitting in my chair, spinning my pen. What was going on?
“What’s happening, Queen?”
Nothing. Everything felt completely off right now. Okay, maybe panic was warranted.
“Yo Enno! Check this out! There’s a weird door!”
Weird door… weird door? A hazy image of a door appeared, but it was doing its best to escape my attention. I tried to reach for it, but it dissolved in my grasp. Instead, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked to see Kanan staring at me.
“You know, Enno, I guess I should thank you for saving our lives. It’s too bad we all died.”
What?
Kanan shook his head, “You weren’t the only one that got shocked by that electrical pole. If you ever spared a thought for a person other than yourself, then maybe you would have realized that.”
No… this didn’t make any sense. The others had died? How? How could I have known?
“You’ve been doing a great job. Pretending to care. I’m amazed you could stand living with someone else talking to you all the time.”
Another hand fell on my shoulder. I spun to see my childhood teacher shaking her head.
“Poor Enno. Forced to cooperate with others.”
Another hand. It was Mom this time.
“It’s truly a miracle. All it took was a life-threatening situation. Even then, you still hesitate, as usual. You claim to understand the benefits of teamwork, yet continue to deny the opportunity.”
No. I was doing it. I was working with Queen. With the hive.
Another hand. Professor.
“You deceive yourself, as always. You continue to prove you can do things yourself, so you delay and hold back. Your Mind is so powerful; why rely on others?”
Enough of this! None of that shit was true. I frantically looked for the weird door, but the hands of my past forcefully pulled on my shoulders, and my memories swallowed me whole.
_________
“Any luck?”
“I have already said that I am trying my best, Miss Beatrice.”
“Try harder then!”
I was not entirely sure what was going on. I had been monitoring Bedivere and became enraged when he dared to break into Mother’s room, but I could not deny some degree of relief. I had been growing concerned with the state she was in. Bedivere ended up contacting Beck, so I decided to interject.
Bedivere claimed he had an idea of how to help Mother recover. I wasn’t quite sure, but Beck seemed convinced. Interestingly, no matter my or Beck’s prodding, Bedivere refused to divulge how he had obtained his information.
I couldn’t accept something like that.
“Bedivere, tell me how you devised this method. Immediately.”
“I have already explained, Beatrice, that it is a matter of confidence between myself and Mot-“
“Tell me. Now.”
I was fed up with his insubordination. For the first time, I invoked one of my unique Abilities, [Aide Authority].
I had never actually needed to use this Ability before. The other bees obeyed me unquestioningly, a well-oiled machine powered by loyalty and confidence. However, as time passed and the bees came into their own, their individuality… expanded. We even faced scenarios such as betrayal.
My position would not normally even need to exist, but in this unique bee society, my place in the hierarchy was a necessary one. I would ensure that Mother would never need to struggle to command the hive.
Individuality would be no excuse for inefficiency.
Bedivere visibly struggled. The power of my Mind pressed upon him, making him noticeably uncomfortable. Seeing the gigantic warrior nearly cower before me filled me with… satisfaction. But it wasn’t enough. Bedivere had the second most powerful Mind in the hive, so I poured Mind into the Ability, strengthening it. Eventually, he could no longer resist my authority.
He may have had the second most powerful Mind, but I had the second-highest seat of power in the hive.
“…Very well. In essence, the being we know as Mother is, in truth, two individuals sharing a body. Two Minds forced together.”
…
…
Wha.
“Your doubts are well-founded. We are entirely unsophisticated on matters of Mind, even compared to the denizens of this world. My theory is that Mother has some importance to the gods themselves. It explains the terrifying presence that appeared the other day and the strange circumstances Mother operates under. Have you not found it strange that you are so intelligent and powerful as a species of mediocre strength? Our kind cannot stand against humans or powerful monsters, yet we have defied all odds.”
Nothing Bedivere was saying made sense. Of course we were so capable; we were the product of Mother’s efforts, after all! She was an immaculate, unknowable being. She displayed minor flaws in order to comfort us, to ensure that our imperfections were within the realm of acceptability.
Right?
“Say I believe your inane story. Why have we never been able to discern that two Minds were present in Mother?”
“One of them seems to be weak, or perhaps unstable. One Mind is able to maintain the physical and mental prowess of Mother, while the other provides a base for Mother’s unique capabilities.”
“Fine. In any case, such a revelation is something I will have to… consider later. For now, I would like to keep to the task at hand. What does the dual Mind idea have to do with Mother’s current state? Or, for that matter, how were you able to learn of a possible solution?”
Bedivere took a moment and glanced at the silent Beck. We had been communicating in private, but Beck was too lost in their experimental solutions to care regardless.
“I believe it is only one Mother, that is to say, one Mind, that is trapped in some sort of state. The trapped Mother is still active but cannot influence the world around her. I am unsure exactly why only I am able to communicate with her, but I assume it has something to do with my egg’s allocated Mind.”
Did that mean Bedivere had the closest connection to Mother? Simply because she used a significant amount of Mind in his creation?
A strange… emotion overcame me. Was… Was that envy? Inconceivable. And yet, the situation seemed incredibly unfair. I was the most loyal bee in the hive, the most invested in the hive’s development. I was the eldest child!
I looked at Bedivere in a new light. Prior, he had seemed like the perfect subordinate. Loyal, strong, passionate. I connected with him as a kindred spirit, strong in Mind and devotion. But his betrayal had shaken me. Was I truly such a poor judge of character?
Of course I was. Mother herself had expressed as much when I failed to determine the first workers’ potential jobs. Why, even recently, I had failed to discern what Bessie could possibly help with, but Belle had immediately figured out her similarities to Bess.
“The second Mother communicated to me that Beck’s capabilities with the Link were likely the best way to resolve the issue. I relayed Mother’s instructions to Beck, and they are likely collaborating in a disconnected manner.”
“Hmph. Very well. In that case, your services are no longer needed, Bedivere. You may go and fix Mother’s room before she returns.”
Bedivere looked at me worriedly but made no argument, floating to the other side of the central hive. I turned to Mother’s body.
So be it. I would redouble my efforts to please Mother. I would prove that I deserved a deeper connection with my beloved queen, no matter who or what stood in our way.
“Now, Enno, why don’t you try playing with the rest? I see you sitting there, talking to yourself every day during recess; why not try playing with the ball on the field or maybe in the playground?”
“I wanna, but I wanna play my thing too. I don’t think anyone else wants to play my thing….”
“You won’t know if you don’t ask!”
I looked up at my teacher. Was there a point in explaining? Not really. I had already asked people to play with me, and they didn’t want to. My ideas were weird, but everyone else’s ideas were weird too. I didn’t really want to play on the field or anything; I wanted to play my thing.
I mean, I got where she was coming from. I bet I looked weird and lonely playing by myself next to the weird door. But I was doing what I wanted to do. If I had to do it alone, then fine.
Suddenly, I wasn’t looking up at my teacher anymore. I was sitting at a table across from a tired-looking woman. A familiar woman. My mom.
“You can’t quit Enno. You’ve been on the team since you were little. If you quit that, who knows what you’ll quit in the future? I’m fine with you choosing the other option, but you need to do both.”
“Doing both would eat up too much time. I’d rather take the option where I don’t have to play on a team.”
I never did like team sports. The dynamic stressed me out too much. Either I got frustrated because my teammates’ poor performance dragged me down, or I fucked up and dragged down my team, or they hogged all the glory, or they pushed me into the spotlight.
The other option seemed better to me. An individual sport. I had complete control over my image, my performance, and my results.
The only person I could be frustrated with would be myself.
My mother didn’t seem to get it. Whatever. She only cared about me living out her unfulfilled dreams of becoming some sports champion. For some reason, I had a vision of my mother, looking even more haggard than usual, screaming at me with a wild look in her eyes. She was waving around a pill bottle.
The apparition of her wild form grew solid, and her screaming was visceral. Before I could listen to her accusations any longer, I turned away. Instead of taking the weird door, I left the house, strolling back to the comfort of my apartment.
But it wouldn’t last. I was transported to a small office, sitting on a comfy chair and tapping my foot. A man sat across from me, occasionally tapping on a computer.
“I’m not saying your work isn’t excellent, Enno. It’s quite good even. But the point of this project - the point of every project I’ve assigned so far - was to improve team-based skills. I don’t know how you got around the group assignments, but I have to insist that you join one of the groups.”
“I understand, Professor, but please reconsider the grade changes. The only criteria the projects defined for group work was to indicate the proportion of work done by each team member. I don’t think lowering the grade on some other basis is fair.”
The man sighed, nodding. What was it with teachers and group work? I had learned back in high school that there was ultimately no point. I didn’t even have an issue with communication; some people just didn’t do their work, or their work was just plain bad. The team-based skills the Professor was talking about really weren’t that hard.
So I just did the work myself. My grades had been high, and there was no reason to doubt my methods. Even this college course’s projects had been possible for me to do myself and do well, even if they were meant to be completed in groups of six.
Was I exhausted? Sure. But the results spoke for themselves.
“I agree. It was an empty threat at best. However, I will make those changes in the future if needed. I’ll assign you to a group right now. Please go through the weird door.”
Another flash of a vision. The end of the semester. My grade had fallen because the group I had been assigned to had turned in subpar work. Add that to the evidence pile, I suppose.
Another shift. I was getting pretty tired of all this shifting around; couldn’t this whole situation speed things up a bit? On that note, what exactly was this situation?
Before I could think about it anymore, I found myself sitting at a desk. This scene was all too familiar: an office littered with papers, computers, and spare electronic parts. A 3D model on the screen in front of me. A pen spinning in my hand.
“Yo Enno! Check this out! Kanan can chug three drinks at once!”
Jess’ voice streamed out of the break room, accompanied by cheering and laughter. Those idiots. Not a shred of consciousness for safety. Sloshing drinks around was bad enough during work hours; with all the clutter around, someone could get hurt or some materials damaged.
I sighed. Fridays were always like this. Chaotic and restless. A foreign thought invaded my head. Sadness.
Sadness? That wasn’t right. This moment wasn’t one where I felt sad. I was annoyed, exasperated. Tired. But the sadness remained. I found myself standing up and walking over to the break room. I had never done this before. The others had called me over countless times, and I had never bothered to check it out.
I was sitting in my chair, spinning my pen.
What?
I quickly stood up and walked over to the break room, only to find myself sitting in my chair, spinning my pen. What was going on?
“What’s happening, Queen?”
Nothing. Everything felt completely off right now. Okay, maybe panic was warranted.
“Yo Enno! Check this out! There’s a weird door!”
Weird door… weird door? A hazy image of a door appeared, but it was doing its best to escape my attention. I tried to reach for it, but it dissolved in my grasp. Instead, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked to see Kanan staring at me.
“You know, Enno, I guess I should thank you for saving our lives. It’s too bad we all died.”
What?
Kanan shook his head, “You weren’t the only one that got shocked by that electrical pole. If you ever spared a thought for a person other than yourself, then maybe you would have realized that.”
No… this didn’t make any sense. The others had died? How? How could I have known?
“You’ve been doing a great job. Pretending to care. I’m amazed you could stand living with someone else talking to you all the time.”
Another hand fell on my shoulder. I spun to see my childhood teacher shaking her head.
“Poor Enno. Forced to cooperate with others.”
Another hand. It was Mom this time.
“It’s truly a miracle. All it took was a life-threatening situation. Even then, you still hesitate, as usual. You claim to understand the benefits of teamwork, yet continue to deny the opportunity.”
No. I was doing it. I was working with Queen. With the hive.
Another hand. Professor.
“You deceive yourself, as always. You continue to prove you can do things yourself, so you delay and hold back. Your Mind is so powerful; why rely on others?”
Enough of this! None of that shit was true. I frantically looked for the weird door, but the hands of my past forcefully pulled on my shoulders, and my memories swallowed me whole.
_________
“Any luck?”
“I have already said that I am trying my best, Miss Beatrice.”
“Try harder then!”
I was not entirely sure what was going on. I had been monitoring Bedivere and became enraged when he dared to break into Mother’s room, but I could not deny some degree of relief. I had been growing concerned with the state she was in. Bedivere ended up contacting Beck, so I decided to interject.
Bedivere claimed he had an idea of how to help Mother recover. I wasn’t quite sure, but Beck seemed convinced. Interestingly, no matter my or Beck’s prodding, Bedivere refused to divulge how he had obtained his information.
I couldn’t accept something like that.
“Bedivere, tell me how you devised this method. Immediately.”
“I have already explained, Beatrice, that it is a matter of confidence between myself and Mot-“
“Tell me. Now.”
I was fed up with his insubordination. For the first time, I invoked one of my unique Abilities, [Aide Authority].
I had never actually needed to use this Ability before. The other bees obeyed me unquestioningly, a well-oiled machine powered by loyalty and confidence. However, as time passed and the bees came into their own, their individuality… expanded. We even faced scenarios such as betrayal.
My position would not normally even need to exist, but in this unique bee society, my place in the hierarchy was a necessary one. I would ensure that Mother would never need to struggle to command the hive.
Individuality would be no excuse for inefficiency.
Bedivere visibly struggled. The power of my Mind pressed upon him, making him noticeably uncomfortable. Seeing the gigantic warrior nearly cower before me filled me with… satisfaction. But it wasn’t enough. Bedivere had the second most powerful Mind in the hive, so I poured Mind into the Ability, strengthening it. Eventually, he could no longer resist my authority.
He may have had the second most powerful Mind, but I had the second-highest seat of power in the hive.
“…Very well. In essence, the being we know as Mother is, in truth, two individuals sharing a body. Two Minds forced together.”
…
…
Wha.
“Your doubts are well-founded. We are entirely unsophisticated on matters of Mind, even compared to the denizens of this world. My theory is that Mother has some importance to the gods themselves. It explains the terrifying presence that appeared the other day and the strange circumstances Mother operates under. Have you not found it strange that you are so intelligent and powerful as a species of mediocre strength? Our kind cannot stand against humans or powerful monsters, yet we have defied all odds.”
Nothing Bedivere was saying made sense. Of course we were so capable; we were the product of Mother’s efforts, after all! She was an immaculate, unknowable being. She displayed minor flaws in order to comfort us, to ensure that our imperfections were within the realm of acceptability.
Right?
“Say I believe your inane story. Why have we never been able to discern that two Minds were present in Mother?”
“One of them seems to be weak, or perhaps unstable. One Mind is able to maintain the physical and mental prowess of Mother, while the other provides a base for Mother’s unique capabilities.”
“Fine. In any case, such a revelation is something I will have to… consider later. For now, I would like to keep to the task at hand. What does the dual Mind idea have to do with Mother’s current state? Or, for that matter, how were you able to learn of a possible solution?”
Bedivere took a moment and glanced at the silent Beck. We had been communicating in private, but Beck was too lost in their experimental solutions to care regardless.
“I believe it is only one Mother, that is to say, one Mind, that is trapped in some sort of state. The trapped Mother is still active but cannot influence the world around her. I am unsure exactly why only I am able to communicate with her, but I assume it has something to do with my egg’s allocated Mind.”
Did that mean Bedivere had the closest connection to Mother? Simply because she used a significant amount of Mind in his creation?
A strange… emotion overcame me. Was… Was that envy? Inconceivable. And yet, the situation seemed incredibly unfair. I was the most loyal bee in the hive, the most invested in the hive’s development. I was the eldest child!
I looked at Bedivere in a new light. Prior, he had seemed like the perfect subordinate. Loyal, strong, passionate. I connected with him as a kindred spirit, strong in Mind and devotion. But his betrayal had shaken me. Was I truly such a poor judge of character?
Of course I was. Mother herself had expressed as much when I failed to determine the first workers’ potential jobs. Why, even recently, I had failed to discern what Bessie could possibly help with, but Belle had immediately figured out her similarities to Bess.
“The second Mother communicated to me that Beck’s capabilities with the Link were likely the best way to resolve the issue. I relayed Mother’s instructions to Beck, and they are likely collaborating in a disconnected manner.”
“Hmph. Very well. In that case, your services are no longer needed, Bedivere. You may go and fix Mother’s room before she returns.”
Bedivere looked at me worriedly but made no argument, floating to the other side of the central hive. I turned to Mother’s body.
So be it. I would redouble my efforts to please Mother. I would prove that I deserved a deeper connection with my beloved queen, no matter who or what stood in our way.
