Chapter 48
Lost in Translation
Weapons lowered as they all regarded the source of the voice - too darkly lit from where they stood, however. The gateway to the third and final part of the camp was even darker than the second due to it being deeper into the hollowed-out cavern of the mountain.
With an awkward glance around, Hank eventually shrugged. “Go ahead then, Boss’ll see ya.”
“Was a pleasure,” Theo nodded, “good luck next time you set sail.”
Sally shoved him along as the bandit narrowed his eyes, trying to decide whether to attack anyway.
“Time and place,” she murmured, “read the room, bud.”
She was able to resist the urge to loot the few bandits that were dead this side of the camp - it was briefly odd that they were this far away from the tavern where most of the fighting had been, but it was not the most pressing thing on her mind right now.
“You think this is the Unique then, yeah,” she leaned back to address the Death Knight heading up behind them.
“Yes.”
Sometimes she wondered why she even spoke to anyone. There was something to be said about having minions that just (mostly) did what you told them without the need for snark. How did the saying go? You didn’t pick your family, but you could eat your friends? Maybe she couldn’t eat her friends. Certainly, neither Humphrey nor Chuck had been appealing, but Theo was a toughie. She knew at least that eating the System-created was not for her. They would just have to hope to come across enough Players that the Novice wouldn’t have to be eaten.
Not yet, anyway.
They approached the gate - a more fortified wooden one - which opened as they got to it. A bandit gave them a nod as they entered into a passageway lit by wall torches. This part of the encampment was fully within the cavern, and the dark ceiling rose high above a small town of properly constructed wooden buildings. Periodic lanterns hung from posts as they travelled further in.
“Boss is in ‘HQ’,” a hunched-over bandit with an eye patch grunted, stubby finger levelled at the biggest building in the town.
Sally nodded her thanks. It was pretty odd that the apparent boss yelled at them and then scarpered back to their base of operations. If it smelt like a trap then her nose must be blocked. If anything it just tasted like the eccentricity of a Unique Monster.
The apparent headquarters was rather dull - perfectly matching the bare decor of the rest of the buildings. The double doors in front looked more like the swinging saloon kind, which made Sally wonder if it was just a repurposed tavern. Bandits must like to drink. With a silent gesture to each other, she led the way and pushed into the building.
Two lanterns illuminated a wide desk covered in paperwork. The smell of tobacco was only barely overwhelmed by the almost palpable aroma of alcohol. A staircase on the right-hand side led upwards, and likewise, on the opposite left side a a staircase headed downwards. Behind the desk a long painting adorned the wall, the murky shapes of the design barely congruent in this lighting.
On the other side of the desk, sitting with hands steepled together, was the alleged Unique Boss. A woman in a dark grey pin-stripe suit, a trilby in a similar design atop her head barely containing long, purple hair. A scowl sat across her pale face as a humourless smirk regarded the odd Party.
“Hows about yous guys take a seat, huh?” She unclenched her hands to gesture at (conveniently) three chairs on their side of the long desk.
Sally nodded and approached. “Sure, my names-“
“Not the refrigeration though.” The woman scowled as she lit a cigarette. “Just you, princess, and the boy.”
Sally turned back to the Death Knight with a raised eyebrow, but he just shrugged. “I will wait outside the door.”
“Hot smokes, he can talk.” A cloud of smoke blew from the woman’s thin mouth as she watched Humphrey exit the building. “Name’s Jackie by the way. Jack is fine too. Jacques and we have issues - and you don’t wanna see how I solve issues.”
“Sally,” the zombie nodded, “and this is Theo.”
“Aright, toots, so the question is - whys a bunch of oddballs like yous killing all my goons?” Jackie leaned forward against her desk and took a long drag.
“Oh, well - we are actually here to see you.” Sally tilted her head, not sure what to make of the woman yet.
“An’ whys that?”
“Short answer,” Theo scratched his chin, “we are taking down the System, or at least making it more Monster-friendly. Have you heard about Yarch yet?”
“The Player town? Nah, word doesn’t really reach back here. My goons have a rememberin’ problem.”
Sally wiggled her eyebrows as she leaned back on her chair, crossing her legs. “It’s a goblin town now.”
“No shit?” Jackie tapped her ash onto an obsidian-black tray. “And you two tall glasses of fresh air did it?”
“With some help,” Sally nodded. “There are quite a few Unique Monsters out there, and we want to give them a chance at living their one life as good as any Player can.”
“You do know this asshole is a Player, yeah?” The woman levelled a long finger at the Novice.
“He’s a what?!” Sally leapt to her feet, knocking the chair back, before relaxing. “Well, yeah, of course I know.”
Theo shrugged apologetically.
Jackie blinked slowly as a trail of smoke wiggled gently from her cigarette. “Ah, I gets it. You’re the manic risk taker. Yer pal here is the nerdy straight-man. So what’s the tin can outside?”
Sally opened her mouth to argue but closed it, eyes narrowing.
“Humphrey was an Observer; he is very competent and informative,” Theo diplomatically nodded. “He is also Sally’s minion.”
“Ah, it sounds so reductive when you say it like that,” the zombie grumbled, “he became my bodyguard to help unglitch my Levelling process.”
Jackie nodded and pushed her hat back to scratch at her head. “So what’s this gotta do with me? I have a home here already.”
Sally looked around the mostly bare room. “If I may ask, Jackie, in what way are you glitched? Why are you Unique?”
The woman again stared blankly at her before she put her cigarette out. “I’ll assume yous aren’t being a wise-guy.” She held her arms wide for the reveal, a half-smirk on her face. “A typo.”
The pair looked at each other in brief confusion before the Novice groaned and rolled his eyes.
“See, ya guy here is a smart one. When they made me, uh, instead of being a Monster - well, I’m a Mobster.”
“Ohhhhhh,” Sally nodded slowly. “That explains the weird theme, huh.”
“My boys and gals here don’t seem to notice it… but every time I look in that damned mirror.” She shook her head and looked at the mess of paper on the desk. “Assholes, I’m not usually this open with whatever group of mooks show up on my doorstep. Mostly because they’re Players and need to get whacked.”
“How many have you, uh, whacked?” Theo asked, idly rubbing his armour.
Jackie shrugged and put her feet up on the table, hands clasped behind her head. “Only as many as what deserved it. I have a whole stash of trinkets and baubles from the idiots. It’s not the best loot, but when ya goons can’t even go on raids, ya take what you can, aye?”
Sally slowly nodded again, mostly tuning out everything after the mobster had mentioned she had cool loot to look through.
“Well, perhaps…” Theo began, “we can make you an offer you can’t refuse?”
Jackie scowled and shook her head. “Don’t patronise me, buttercup; this is a condition.”
“Oh, I’m sorry - I just-“
“Ah hah, just jerkin’ ya chain,” Jackie grinned and closed her eyes. “Not just keeping this one around for his good looks, I hope?”
“No!” Sally pouted. It was mostly so that she could eat him one day. Maybe not mostly anymore - just partly.
“Lay it out for me then, toots; what’s in it for me?”
“You get to kill Players and join a Party of like-minded individuals.” Sally’s eyes wandered as she tried to pitch this. “If you don’t want to stay with us, we are planning on taking over more villages - you could become a proper leader of a functional bandit town.”
“Mhm, go on.”
“We feel the System is unfair and we want to wrestle control or at least get some answers from the Architect…”
“Anything else?”
Sally felt herself start to sweat - or at least the feeling. “Erm, you can also do some neat things like-“
“I’m just shittin’ yer, gal. You had me at hello.” Jackie stood and stuffed her hands into her pants pockets. “Bandits ‘round here are thicker than the plate on your tin can outside and aren’t much for conversatin’.”
“You’ll join us then?” Theo raised his eyebrows, a few seconds of processing time behind the dialogue.
“Having my own town with a buncha other Uniques sounds like a more sane, and more lucrative, way o’livin’.”
[Jackie has joined the Party]
“Yessss,” Sally hissed, watching the picture pop up into the UI. “Now, show us your loot?”
“I guess that’ll be okay,” the mobster rolled her eyes, “everything is in the basement.”
The zombie boss hopped down the steps before Theo had even stood up. “So, uh, if I may ask - what kind of skills or weapons do you use?”
Jackie smiled humourlessly. “Ranged damage, ranged damage skills and adjacent abilities.”
“Understood,” the Novice awkwardly nodded as they started down the stairs.
Sally stood wide-eyed with amazement at the boxes and crates stacked in the small room. A dim lantern hung from the ceiling casting shadows into the corners behind the storage units. The nearest ones were filled with all sorts of weaponry - the next was gold and gemstones.
“I don’t have an 'Inventory' like 'Players' - and you assholes do, so feel free to store it for me,” Jackie rolled her eyes as she leaned against the wall.
[674 Gold]
[Ruby (4)]
[Sapphire (2)]
[Amethyst (2)]
Theo squinted his eyes as he looked through items, trying to see anything that could be useful for his build.
Sally hopped about, glancing about everything too quickly, before stopping by a half-covered crate.
“Ooh, what’s this?” She brought out a swirling orb of pale pink and orange.
Immediately it felt warm in her hand - and then suddenly the colour within shunted to a muted grey. Vertigo and an overwhelming sense of nausea flooded her body as she dropped to the floor.
Prickles of pain tapered up her body, covering her skin, as her blazing crimson eyes tried to focus on the text boxes rising above her STAR.
Panic and wonder filled her as drool spattered down to her dress.
Chapter 48
Lost in Translation
Weapons lowered as they all regarded the source of the voice - too darkly lit from where they stood, however. The gateway to the third and final part of the camp was even darker than the second due to it being deeper into the hollowed-out cavern of the mountain.
With an awkward glance around, Hank eventually shrugged. “Go ahead then, Boss’ll see ya.”
“Was a pleasure,” Theo nodded, “good luck next time you set sail.”
Sally shoved him along as the bandit narrowed his eyes, trying to decide whether to attack anyway.
“Time and place,” she murmured, “read the room, bud.”
She was able to resist the urge to loot the few bandits that were dead this side of the camp - it was briefly odd that they were this far away from the tavern where most of the fighting had been, but it was not the most pressing thing on her mind right now.
“You think this is the Unique then, yeah,” she leaned back to address the Death Knight heading up behind them.
“Yes.”
Sometimes she wondered why she even spoke to anyone. There was something to be said about having minions that just (mostly) did what you told them without the need for snark. How did the saying go? You didn’t pick your family, but you could eat your friends? Maybe she couldn’t eat her friends. Certainly, neither Humphrey nor Chuck had been appealing, but Theo was a toughie. She knew at least that eating the System-created was not for her. They would just have to hope to come across enough Players that the Novice wouldn’t have to be eaten.
Not yet, anyway.
They approached the gate - a more fortified wooden one - which opened as they got to it. A bandit gave them a nod as they entered into a passageway lit by wall torches. This part of the encampment was fully within the cavern, and the dark ceiling rose high above a small town of properly constructed wooden buildings. Periodic lanterns hung from posts as they travelled further in.
“Boss is in ‘HQ’,” a hunched-over bandit with an eye patch grunted, stubby finger levelled at the biggest building in the town.
Sally nodded her thanks. It was pretty odd that the apparent boss yelled at them and then scarpered back to their base of operations. If it smelt like a trap then her nose must be blocked. If anything it just tasted like the eccentricity of a Unique Monster.
The apparent headquarters was rather dull - perfectly matching the bare decor of the rest of the buildings. The double doors in front looked more like the swinging saloon kind, which made Sally wonder if it was just a repurposed tavern. Bandits must like to drink. With a silent gesture to each other, she led the way and pushed into the building.
Two lanterns illuminated a wide desk covered in paperwork. The smell of tobacco was only barely overwhelmed by the almost palpable aroma of alcohol. A staircase on the right-hand side led upwards, and likewise, on the opposite left side a a staircase headed downwards. Behind the desk a long painting adorned the wall, the murky shapes of the design barely congruent in this lighting.
On the other side of the desk, sitting with hands steepled together, was the alleged Unique Boss. A woman in a dark grey pin-stripe suit, a trilby in a similar design atop her head barely containing long, purple hair. A scowl sat across her pale face as a humourless smirk regarded the odd Party.
“Hows about yous guys take a seat, huh?” She unclenched her hands to gesture at (conveniently) three chairs on their side of the long desk.
Sally nodded and approached. “Sure, my names-“
“Not the refrigeration though.” The woman scowled as she lit a cigarette. “Just you, princess, and the boy.”
Sally turned back to the Death Knight with a raised eyebrow, but he just shrugged. “I will wait outside the door.”
“Hot smokes, he can talk.” A cloud of smoke blew from the woman’s thin mouth as she watched Humphrey exit the building. “Name’s Jackie by the way. Jack is fine too. Jacques and we have issues - and you don’t wanna see how I solve issues.”
“Sally,” the zombie nodded, “and this is Theo.”
“Aright, toots, so the question is - whys a bunch of oddballs like yous killing all my goons?” Jackie leaned forward against her desk and took a long drag.
“Oh, well - we are actually here to see you.” Sally tilted her head, not sure what to make of the woman yet.
“An’ whys that?”
“Short answer,” Theo scratched his chin, “we are taking down the System, or at least making it more Monster-friendly. Have you heard about Yarch yet?”
“The Player town? Nah, word doesn’t really reach back here. My goons have a rememberin’ problem.”
Sally wiggled her eyebrows as she leaned back on her chair, crossing her legs. “It’s a goblin town now.”
“No shit?” Jackie tapped her ash onto an obsidian-black tray. “And you two tall glasses of fresh air did it?”
“With some help,” Sally nodded. “There are quite a few Unique Monsters out there, and we want to give them a chance at living their one life as good as any Player can.”
“You do know this asshole is a Player, yeah?” The woman levelled a long finger at the Novice.
“He’s a what?!” Sally leapt to her feet, knocking the chair back, before relaxing. “Well, yeah, of course I know.”
Theo shrugged apologetically.
Jackie blinked slowly as a trail of smoke wiggled gently from her cigarette. “Ah, I gets it. You’re the manic risk taker. Yer pal here is the nerdy straight-man. So what’s the tin can outside?”
Sally opened her mouth to argue but closed it, eyes narrowing.
“Humphrey was an Observer; he is very competent and informative,” Theo diplomatically nodded. “He is also Sally’s minion.”
“Ah, it sounds so reductive when you say it like that,” the zombie grumbled, “he became my bodyguard to help unglitch my Levelling process.”
Jackie nodded and pushed her hat back to scratch at her head. “So what’s this gotta do with me? I have a home here already.”
Sally looked around the mostly bare room. “If I may ask, Jackie, in what way are you glitched? Why are you Unique?”
The woman again stared blankly at her before she put her cigarette out. “I’ll assume yous aren’t being a wise-guy.” She held her arms wide for the reveal, a half-smirk on her face. “A typo.”
The pair looked at each other in brief confusion before the Novice groaned and rolled his eyes.
“See, ya guy here is a smart one. When they made me, uh, instead of being a Monster - well, I’m a Mobster.”
“Ohhhhhh,” Sally nodded slowly. “That explains the weird theme, huh.”
“My boys and gals here don’t seem to notice it… but every time I look in that damned mirror.” She shook her head and looked at the mess of paper on the desk. “Assholes, I’m not usually this open with whatever group of mooks show up on my doorstep. Mostly because they’re Players and need to get whacked.”
“How many have you, uh, whacked?” Theo asked, idly rubbing his armour.
Jackie shrugged and put her feet up on the table, hands clasped behind her head. “Only as many as what deserved it. I have a whole stash of trinkets and baubles from the idiots. It’s not the best loot, but when ya goons can’t even go on raids, ya take what you can, aye?”
Sally slowly nodded again, mostly tuning out everything after the mobster had mentioned she had cool loot to look through.
“Well, perhaps…” Theo began, “we can make you an offer you can’t refuse?”
Jackie scowled and shook her head. “Don’t patronise me, buttercup; this is a condition.”
“Oh, I’m sorry - I just-“
“Ah hah, just jerkin’ ya chain,” Jackie grinned and closed her eyes. “Not just keeping this one around for his good looks, I hope?”
“No!” Sally pouted. It was mostly so that she could eat him one day. Maybe not mostly anymore - just partly.
“Lay it out for me then, toots; what’s in it for me?”
“You get to kill Players and join a Party of like-minded individuals.” Sally’s eyes wandered as she tried to pitch this. “If you don’t want to stay with us, we are planning on taking over more villages - you could become a proper leader of a functional bandit town.”
“Mhm, go on.”
“We feel the System is unfair and we want to wrestle control or at least get some answers from the Architect…”
“Anything else?”
Sally felt herself start to sweat - or at least the feeling. “Erm, you can also do some neat things like-“
“I’m just shittin’ yer, gal. You had me at hello.” Jackie stood and stuffed her hands into her pants pockets. “Bandits ‘round here are thicker than the plate on your tin can outside and aren’t much for conversatin’.”
“You’ll join us then?” Theo raised his eyebrows, a few seconds of processing time behind the dialogue.
“Having my own town with a buncha other Uniques sounds like a more sane, and more lucrative, way o’livin’.”
[Jackie has joined the Party]
“Yessss,” Sally hissed, watching the picture pop up into the UI. “Now, show us your loot?”
“I guess that’ll be okay,” the mobster rolled her eyes, “everything is in the basement.”
The zombie boss hopped down the steps before Theo had even stood up. “So, uh, if I may ask - what kind of skills or weapons do you use?”
Jackie smiled humourlessly. “Ranged damage, ranged damage skills and adjacent abilities.”
“Understood,” the Novice awkwardly nodded as they started down the stairs.
Sally stood wide-eyed with amazement at the boxes and crates stacked in the small room. A dim lantern hung from the ceiling casting shadows into the corners behind the storage units. The nearest ones were filled with all sorts of weaponry - the next was gold and gemstones.
“I don’t have an 'Inventory' like 'Players' - and you assholes do, so feel free to store it for me,” Jackie rolled her eyes as she leaned against the wall.
[674 Gold]
[Ruby (4)]
[Sapphire (2)]
[Amethyst (2)]
Theo squinted his eyes as he looked through items, trying to see anything that could be useful for his build.
Sally hopped about, glancing about everything too quickly, before stopping by a half-covered crate.
“Ooh, what’s this?” She brought out a swirling orb of pale pink and orange.
Immediately it felt warm in her hand - and then suddenly the colour within shunted to a muted grey. Vertigo and an overwhelming sense of nausea flooded her body as she dropped to the floor.
Prickles of pain tapered up her body, covering her skin, as her blazing crimson eyes tried to focus on the text boxes rising above her STAR.
Panic and wonder filled her as drool spattered down to her dress.
