Chapter 48
Feline Fine
Humphrey crouched down next to the zombie. “No, he’s not.”
The cat opened and closed his mouth. “Okay - I’m not. I’m actually a Player that is stuck in a-“
“No, you’re not.” Sally furrowed her brow. “Can I pet you or not?”
“I mean, alright.” The cat closed his amber eyes as the zombie gently petted his scruffy head.
“What’s ya name, and why are ya hanging around my turf?” Jackie loomed behind Sally with hands on her hips.
“I-I’m the Architect-t, and I come with a w-warning,” he managed to get out as Sally continued to pet him.
“Aw, well let’s just call you Archie, you lil liar. Want to join a Party and destroy the System?” She sat down and patted her lap in invitation.
“N-no, I bring you a warning.” Archie resisted moving onto her lap.
Theo crossed his arms and sighed. “So what is the warning?”
“…I forgot.”
“I’m highly likely to eat you.” Sally leaned forward and scrunched up her nose. “You don’t look like good eatin’, but I’ve recently got the hankerin’ to try brains, so you’d best start explaining why you’re a talking cat and interrupting my, uh… vibe.”
“R-right. Well, I’ve been trailing you for a while as there is an odd smell to you. I don’t know why I’m able to talk though - is that not common?” Their silence was enough of an answer. “Most importantly, there is a group of people coming to attack you soon.”
Jackie rolled her eyes and lit a cigarette. “I feel like ya shoulda led with that.”
“You mean a Party of Players? You have to use the right terminology; branding is important.” Sally looked up at the gate as if expecting the danger to arrive dramatically at this moment.
Archie shrugged, an odd movement for a cat. “I don’t know what those are.”
“I feel like you are lying to me.” She dusted her skirt off as she stood once more. “Just based on our interactions so far, you don’t seem very honest. How soon are they coming?”
“N-no, why would I put myself in danger like this?” The cat twitched nervously. "I'm not a very good judge of time... tomorrow afternoon?"
Sally huffed. “There is one way you could prove your loyalty.” She turned to Humphrey and wiggled her eyebrows; the Death Knight glanced past her to look at the Novice who shook his head slowly.
“Ha-ha, at your Level, you only get two-“
“Perfect!” She beamed turning back to address the small cat. “Archie, would you swear to become my bodyguard and keep me safe and serve under me until one of us dies or something? That’s how it went, right Humps?”
The Death Knight clenched and stretched out his jaw. “Pretty verbatim, my liege.”
“Ass. Well, you’ll get to be Level Four and come adventure with us. We are kinda bad guys though.” She shrugged and held out a hand to be shaken, bringing up her UI to see what she knew about the small feline already.
[“Archie” Domestic Cat]
[Level: Critter] [Skills: None]
Nothing too untoward there. Critter Level was something new, but it was a fair assumption to think of it as a Level Zero - something not intended to benefit from the crunchy part of the System as they weren’t going to advance or see proper combat. She had no idea what kind of skills he may gain, which was half the fun.
“B-but, I’m the Architect?”
“Compulsive lying is the one trait we don’t have in our Party, though? Right, unless…” she turned to the Death Knight, “you’re not hiding some secrets, Humphrey?”
“…”
“Humps??”
“Ha-ha, no I do not hide anything from you. I may be vague on occasion, but I’m as boring and straightforward as Theo.”
The Novice spluttered and took a step back. “What? I’m not boring - I’m just not eccentric. I’ve killed, you know, I’ve paid my lumps.”
“Not sure that is the expression,” Sally frowned, “but okay - try not to make us look silly in front of the newbie, guys.”
“I’m used to dealing with useless men,” Jackie blew a cloud of smoke. “As long as you’re leading, princess, I’m good.”
“Alright, I’ll join,” Archie growled (cutely), “if it means you all talk less.”
Sally spun back to the cat and bent over, hand outstretched once more. “I promise.”
Theo rolled his eyes at her other hand behind her back, her fingers crossed.
[Archie has joined the Party]
[New Bodyguard: Level 4 Domestic Cat]
[Subtype Error: Hash 064804]
“Neat, errors. What skills did you unlock?”
The cat looked confused and paced around in a circle looking at the floor. “No idea.”
“Huh, almost regret my decision already. What’s that called?”
“Buyer's remorse?” Theo shrugged.
Sally stretched out her back as she looked at the sky. It was nearing dusk now. Walking most of the day sure burnt the sunlight hours. “Yeah, I’m really remorse-ing you right now, Archie - what can you tell me?”
“I… I know things?” The cat stopped his circling and looked up at the zombie.
It would have been a lot cooler if he had grown in size when he levelled up or had some sign of what abilities he had gained. Sally narrowed her eyes. “Go on.”
“… like, how people got here. What this place is…”
All eyes bore down into the small ginger cat. Curiosity but mistrust on their faces.
Theo nodded to the middle of the camp. “Let’s set up the old-school campfire and settle down for a bit. Then we can have words and rest.”
They moved over to the inert camp and waited for Theo to relight it. Jackie and Humphrey went to close the gates - barring them with a thick plank of wood before they all reconvened. Sitting in a semi-circle around the cat, who became silhouetted against the fire.
“Remember, no lies, or you go in the fire as my next meal,” Sally bluffed. She knew that she couldn’t eat him now that he was a bodyguard - plus he wouldn’t be much of a meal. Not like Theo…
“So what do you want to know?” Archie’s ears twitched nervously.
Theo and Sally exchanged glances. “How we got here.”
“Magic.”
The Death Knight had to hold her back from leaping at the fuzzy creature.
“You’ll have to be more specific than that,” Theo agreed.
“As a cat, my understanding of it is very limited.” He leaned back away from the zombie. “Imagine if you will, a bowl of food, full of giblets and chunks of meaty goodness. Then someone brings their own homemade bowl and places it nearby, but this bowl is empty. So this new person, the bowl’s Architect, if you will, takes a handful of chunky meat bits from the first bowl for their own. But they only like certain bits - like, uh - chicken-“
“So, that’s why all the Players are in a similar age range,” Theo interrupted, scowling at the floor in thought.
“Chicken,” Archie confirmed, licking his lips in reflex. “Where was I?”
“I think you’ve said enough, terrible metaphor aside.” The dry voice of the P2-T rang out overhead as they shimmered into view.
“Shove off, spoilsport,” Sally hissed before murmuring to Humphrey. “Can we kill it?”
“The shit is that?” Jackie leapt up and brought Betty to bear, the cylinder of bolts clacking as it rotated in place.
Humphrey shrugged, perhaps keen on finding out himself.
“I would advise against hostility. I am just here to level a warning.” The dry voice intoned. Nevertheless, the Observer floated slightly further away from the aggressive mobster.
“Always with the warnings and observings.” The zombie shook her head. “Is it against the law for us to have a conversation now?”
“It is not permitted for Players to know where-“
“I do not permit you!” Sally growled, slowly drawing her not-katana from its scabbard and pointing it at the green skull. “I challenge you to a duel.”
“No.”
“But I challenged you.”
“Obstinance is not a precursor to ability. I am an Observer built in the infallible image of the Architect who-“
“I’m the Architect,” Archie interjected.
Theo scratched his chin, “I don't think the Architect would look like a floating skull.”
“Ha-ha, not so infallible are we, my once brother.”
A pink-red light quickly flickered over the Observer as it tried to combat the deluge of words from the Party below. The green eldritch energy quickly returned, enveloping the skull once more. “No. This will not work on me. Consider this a mercy.”
The skull blinked out of view once more. Sally cursed under her breath and stowed the sword. She looked down at Archie. “Care to tell us more, then?”
“Meow,” came the response.
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“Meeow.”
Humphrey rubbed the side of his head. “I can almost hear the ho-ho in the breeze.”
Sally kicked a loose stone off into the distance as she spun around, exhaling. They were so close to getting more information. Raptured from the real world to this fake one, all people of a certain age, apparently by Magic? Magic probably wasn’t the right for it; just some convenience pasted over the gaps in understanding. But what other details did he have in that cute little skull?
She saw that Theo looked conflicted. After she picked Archie up, to no complaint of the furred creature, she went and nudged the Novice. “Look, it’s harder to eat you if I’m holding the cat. Penny for your thoughts?”
“I’m gonna go keep watch from the tower,” Jackie butted in before walking off. She threw the stub of her cigarette into the campfire and adjusted her hat.
The Novice rubbed the accumulated sweat and grime from his forehead and gave her a glum smile. “If we came from the real world - there is a chance we can go back, right?”
She nodded as Archie began to purr within her grasp.
“But does that mean we have also doomed the people we have killed to… what? Never have that chance?”
“Death could be what releases them back to their old lives?” She shrugged and tried to remember a good anime comparison to make, but that area of her brain was still mud.
“I don’t know.” He sat down, leaning against a pair of overturned barrels. The low flame of the campfire flickered in his anguished eyes.
“We’ll camp here for the night,” Humphrey said from nearby, “think of some plans for tomorrow.”
Sally shot him some finger guns as she sat down beside the Novice. “What do you remember about the old world?”
He gave her a slight smile and after a few moments gathering his thoughts, he began to tell her what brief information he could. About the friend group that he had abandoned, the different RPG games he used to play, and even the failed attempt at learning guitar. It was dark by the time they finished talking, tired from the events of the day. The were perhaps unsurprised that the most vivid memories they shared were of the diner and the short time before they had been brought here.
As Sally looked out at the fire dancing in the slight breeze, she smiled, and her eyelids hung heavily.
It had been a decent day.
Chapter 48
Feline Fine
Humphrey crouched down next to the zombie. “No, he’s not.”
The cat opened and closed his mouth. “Okay - I’m not. I’m actually a Player that is stuck in a-“
“No, you’re not.” Sally furrowed her brow. “Can I pet you or not?”
“I mean, alright.” The cat closed his amber eyes as the zombie gently petted his scruffy head.
“What’s ya name, and why are ya hanging around my turf?” Jackie loomed behind Sally with hands on her hips.
“I-I’m the Architect-t, and I come with a w-warning,” he managed to get out as Sally continued to pet him.
“Aw, well let’s just call you Archie, you lil liar. Want to join a Party and destroy the System?” She sat down and patted her lap in invitation.
“N-no, I bring you a warning.” Archie resisted moving onto her lap.
Theo crossed his arms and sighed. “So what is the warning?”
“…I forgot.”
“I’m highly likely to eat you.” Sally leaned forward and scrunched up her nose. “You don’t look like good eatin’, but I’ve recently got the hankerin’ to try brains, so you’d best start explaining why you’re a talking cat and interrupting my, uh… vibe.”
“R-right. Well, I’ve been trailing you for a while as there is an odd smell to you. I don’t know why I’m able to talk though - is that not common?” Their silence was enough of an answer. “Most importantly, there is a group of people coming to attack you soon.”
Jackie rolled her eyes and lit a cigarette. “I feel like ya shoulda led with that.”
“You mean a Party of Players? You have to use the right terminology; branding is important.” Sally looked up at the gate as if expecting the danger to arrive dramatically at this moment.
Archie shrugged, an odd movement for a cat. “I don’t know what those are.”
“I feel like you are lying to me.” She dusted her skirt off as she stood once more. “Just based on our interactions so far, you don’t seem very honest. How soon are they coming?”
“N-no, why would I put myself in danger like this?” The cat twitched nervously. "I'm not a very good judge of time... tomorrow afternoon?"
Sally huffed. “There is one way you could prove your loyalty.” She turned to Humphrey and wiggled her eyebrows; the Death Knight glanced past her to look at the Novice who shook his head slowly.
“Ha-ha, at your Level, you only get two-“
“Perfect!” She beamed turning back to address the small cat. “Archie, would you swear to become my bodyguard and keep me safe and serve under me until one of us dies or something? That’s how it went, right Humps?”
The Death Knight clenched and stretched out his jaw. “Pretty verbatim, my liege.”
“Ass. Well, you’ll get to be Level Four and come adventure with us. We are kinda bad guys though.” She shrugged and held out a hand to be shaken, bringing up her UI to see what she knew about the small feline already.
[“Archie” Domestic Cat]
[Level: Critter] [Skills: None]
Nothing too untoward there. Critter Level was something new, but it was a fair assumption to think of it as a Level Zero - something not intended to benefit from the crunchy part of the System as they weren’t going to advance or see proper combat. She had no idea what kind of skills he may gain, which was half the fun.
“B-but, I’m the Architect?”
“Compulsive lying is the one trait we don’t have in our Party, though? Right, unless…” she turned to the Death Knight, “you’re not hiding some secrets, Humphrey?”
“…”
“Humps??”
“Ha-ha, no I do not hide anything from you. I may be vague on occasion, but I’m as boring and straightforward as Theo.”
The Novice spluttered and took a step back. “What? I’m not boring - I’m just not eccentric. I’ve killed, you know, I’ve paid my lumps.”
“Not sure that is the expression,” Sally frowned, “but okay - try not to make us look silly in front of the newbie, guys.”
“I’m used to dealing with useless men,” Jackie blew a cloud of smoke. “As long as you’re leading, princess, I’m good.”
“Alright, I’ll join,” Archie growled (cutely), “if it means you all talk less.”
Sally spun back to the cat and bent over, hand outstretched once more. “I promise.”
Theo rolled his eyes at her other hand behind her back, her fingers crossed.
[Archie has joined the Party]
[New Bodyguard: Level 4 Domestic Cat]
[Subtype Error: Hash 064804]
“Neat, errors. What skills did you unlock?”
The cat looked confused and paced around in a circle looking at the floor. “No idea.”
“Huh, almost regret my decision already. What’s that called?”
“Buyer's remorse?” Theo shrugged.
Sally stretched out her back as she looked at the sky. It was nearing dusk now. Walking most of the day sure burnt the sunlight hours. “Yeah, I’m really remorse-ing you right now, Archie - what can you tell me?”
“I… I know things?” The cat stopped his circling and looked up at the zombie.
It would have been a lot cooler if he had grown in size when he levelled up or had some sign of what abilities he had gained. Sally narrowed her eyes. “Go on.”
“… like, how people got here. What this place is…”
All eyes bore down into the small ginger cat. Curiosity but mistrust on their faces.
Theo nodded to the middle of the camp. “Let’s set up the old-school campfire and settle down for a bit. Then we can have words and rest.”
They moved over to the inert camp and waited for Theo to relight it. Jackie and Humphrey went to close the gates - barring them with a thick plank of wood before they all reconvened. Sitting in a semi-circle around the cat, who became silhouetted against the fire.
“Remember, no lies, or you go in the fire as my next meal,” Sally bluffed. She knew that she couldn’t eat him now that he was a bodyguard - plus he wouldn’t be much of a meal. Not like Theo…
“So what do you want to know?” Archie’s ears twitched nervously.
Theo and Sally exchanged glances. “How we got here.”
“Magic.”
The Death Knight had to hold her back from leaping at the fuzzy creature.
“You’ll have to be more specific than that,” Theo agreed.
“As a cat, my understanding of it is very limited.” He leaned back away from the zombie. “Imagine if you will, a bowl of food, full of giblets and chunks of meaty goodness. Then someone brings their own homemade bowl and places it nearby, but this bowl is empty. So this new person, the bowl’s Architect, if you will, takes a handful of chunky meat bits from the first bowl for their own. But they only like certain bits - like, uh - chicken-“
“So, that’s why all the Players are in a similar age range,” Theo interrupted, scowling at the floor in thought.
“Chicken,” Archie confirmed, licking his lips in reflex. “Where was I?”
“I think you’ve said enough, terrible metaphor aside.” The dry voice of the P2-T rang out overhead as they shimmered into view.
“Shove off, spoilsport,” Sally hissed before murmuring to Humphrey. “Can we kill it?”
“The shit is that?” Jackie leapt up and brought Betty to bear, the cylinder of bolts clacking as it rotated in place.
Humphrey shrugged, perhaps keen on finding out himself.
“I would advise against hostility. I am just here to level a warning.” The dry voice intoned. Nevertheless, the Observer floated slightly further away from the aggressive mobster.
“Always with the warnings and observings.” The zombie shook her head. “Is it against the law for us to have a conversation now?”
“It is not permitted for Players to know where-“
“I do not permit you!” Sally growled, slowly drawing her not-katana from its scabbard and pointing it at the green skull. “I challenge you to a duel.”
“No.”
“But I challenged you.”
“Obstinance is not a precursor to ability. I am an Observer built in the infallible image of the Architect who-“
“I’m the Architect,” Archie interjected.
Theo scratched his chin, “I don't think the Architect would look like a floating skull.”
“Ha-ha, not so infallible are we, my once brother.”
A pink-red light quickly flickered over the Observer as it tried to combat the deluge of words from the Party below. The green eldritch energy quickly returned, enveloping the skull once more. “No. This will not work on me. Consider this a mercy.”
The skull blinked out of view once more. Sally cursed under her breath and stowed the sword. She looked down at Archie. “Care to tell us more, then?”
“Meow,” came the response.
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“Meeow.”
Humphrey rubbed the side of his head. “I can almost hear the ho-ho in the breeze.”
Sally kicked a loose stone off into the distance as she spun around, exhaling. They were so close to getting more information. Raptured from the real world to this fake one, all people of a certain age, apparently by Magic? Magic probably wasn’t the right for it; just some convenience pasted over the gaps in understanding. But what other details did he have in that cute little skull?
She saw that Theo looked conflicted. After she picked Archie up, to no complaint of the furred creature, she went and nudged the Novice. “Look, it’s harder to eat you if I’m holding the cat. Penny for your thoughts?”
“I’m gonna go keep watch from the tower,” Jackie butted in before walking off. She threw the stub of her cigarette into the campfire and adjusted her hat.
The Novice rubbed the accumulated sweat and grime from his forehead and gave her a glum smile. “If we came from the real world - there is a chance we can go back, right?”
She nodded as Archie began to purr within her grasp.
“But does that mean we have also doomed the people we have killed to… what? Never have that chance?”
“Death could be what releases them back to their old lives?” She shrugged and tried to remember a good anime comparison to make, but that area of her brain was still mud.
“I don’t know.” He sat down, leaning against a pair of overturned barrels. The low flame of the campfire flickered in his anguished eyes.
“We’ll camp here for the night,” Humphrey said from nearby, “think of some plans for tomorrow.”
Sally shot him some finger guns as she sat down beside the Novice. “What do you remember about the old world?”
He gave her a slight smile and after a few moments gathering his thoughts, he began to tell her what brief information he could. About the friend group that he had abandoned, the different RPG games he used to play, and even the failed attempt at learning guitar. It was dark by the time they finished talking, tired from the events of the day. The were perhaps unsurprised that the most vivid memories they shared were of the diner and the short time before they had been brought here.
As Sally looked out at the fire dancing in the slight breeze, she smiled, and her eyelids hung heavily.
It had been a decent day.
