[Uncommon Axe]
[Rare Hammer of Critical]
[Rare //Error Helm-.-/]
“Been a while since we had something like that,” Sally huffed. She looked through her Inventory at the new items gained from the now inert boxes. “Axe is whatever… but… why does the hammer look like a baseball bat?” She held it in the air.
“What’s baseball?” Humphrey shrugged. “Just looks like a club.”
“It’s a bit reductive,” Sally gave it a few test swings in the air, “I’m already manic enough to be compared to… oh, rats!”
“Mice.”
“No, I forgot to get that spear thing from the golem.” She sighed and stowed the bat on the back of her jacket somehow. “Hey Theo, we’ve got a Mad Max thing going on here now.”
“Are we allowed direct references?”
Sally looked around the derelict town to see if there was anyone nearby to stop them. “I guess we could play it cool; in honesty, I don’t even remember most of them.”
“Yeah, you don’t even remember Goreblaster.”
She bore her red-eyed gaze into the side of the coffin. Perhaps he was more crazy than he sounded. The muffled tone of his voice didn’t help much in giving the illusion that he was normal.
Archie padded out in front of her, almost tripping her up. “I can try to heal him?”
“You hadn’t already?” She frowned at the ginger cat.
“No, I don’t exactly have a tight grip on what abilities I can cast, and I didn’t want to make things worse.”
Sally again gazed over to the dark wooden coffin. If he was going to get better eventually, then it might not be a great idea to allow the cat to risk something random. In all likelihood, it would just make the vampire more powerful or free him - the last thing they needed was some more inter-party conflict.
“Pass for now,” she waved her hand. “He seems stable - let’s not rock the boat.”
Archie smiled, and half closed his eyes, an almost cartoony expression for the small but powerful cat.
The zombie turned to the demon, who had been leading them through the side streets of Bordertown. “Hey, Lucius. Want an axe to grind? Against bad guys.” She pressed at her STAR and paused. “Bad guys that aren’t us?”
“Uh… okay.” A worried face popped up in a speech bubble next to him. “It probably would be a good idea to have something to defend myself with - not that you guys won’t do a stellar job of it, I’m sure.”
“Things can get confusing in the heat of the moment,” Humphrey agreed stoically. “You’re a demon, we are killing demons…”
“Don’t wind him up, Humps.” Sally withdrew the new Axe from her inventory and passed it over to the demon. It was actually pretty cool looking, now that she gave it half a chance. A dark iron metal, wrapped leather handle, and an etched pattern on the flat sides of the bladed head. Lucius buckled slightly under the weight of it.
“You guys aren’t that bad, you know.” A heart bubble appeared. “Like, for Monsters - you’re certainly not as bad as Ruben and all his henchmen.”
“Is the dragon going to send a series of increasingly tougher bodyguards that we will defeat barely and grow stronger until we can defeat him ourselves? Thus gaining entry to-“
“Shush, Theo.” Sally knocked at the side of the coffin. “Don’t plot out a narrative that we will have to fulfill. Focus on being less crazy and napping so you can level up.”
“I would like to level up.”
“There you go.” She grimaced towards the rest of the Party. It was a lot less uncomfortable when she was the slightly unhinged one. The vampire had his moments previously, but today had just been a complete drain.
Beating up Zero had been fun and a good stretch out of their tired muscles. The Swamp had been a wash, and the Wastes were drab and dry. If anything, the area was just tougher on their emotional stability rather than their combat prowess. She should have expected it. If they were going to be super overpowered, then the System would find their weaknesses to exploit instead - it was more narratively interesting that way.
Silently, she cursed this world.
“Here we are,” Lucius pointed dramatically at a house that looked reasonably the same as any other than they had passed. “It’s in the basement - just in case I didn’t make that clear from my reveal.” A fireworks emoji faded away upon seeing their unimpressed faces.
“Alright, you take point, Humps.” Partially because he was their designated tank, but also just in case his large body plus coffin got stuck, they would be able to push him through.
The doorway entered into a living room, dusty and cracked wooden furniture sitting atop a burned-out-looking rug. The opposite side had a doorway leading to a kitchen and some stairs leading up - probably to some bedrooms. Looking at the state of the place, Sally wouldn’t trust the dried wood to carry the group of them up there without incident. On the side of the stairs, a smaller door was built in.
“I’m not fitting through that,” the Death Knight leveled a finger towards the intended route. Even Sally would have to duck to fit through it.
“Ah,” Lucius rubbed his shadowed chin, accompanied by floating ellipses. “That I hadn’t considered.”
Humphrey tilted his head side to side and looked around the room. “Is the basement directly below us?”
Sally gasped. “Don’t you-“
The Death Knight had already gripped his greatsword handle and went to withdraw it from his back - instead, just hitting it into the low ceiling and covering himself with dusty wooden shrapnel.
“Honestly.” Archie padded across the room and sat in front of the door. The ginger cat closed his eyes, and silence fell across the Party.
Just as Sally opened her mouth to say something, the air burst, and a shockwave rocked the gathered Outsiders. Warm dust filled her nose, and vertigo brought her clattering down on ruined wooden planks and a torn rug.
As the dust settled, she looked up at the ceiling - which had just been their floor.
“That’s… that’s no different than what I was going to do.” Humphrey stumbled to his feet, shards of wood clattering off of his plated figure. “Are you okay, Theo?”
“Mmhfg… yeah.”
The vampire probably bounced around in his little prison and had a mouthful of the padding, Sally thought. It was a good amount of foresight that they had to make it nice and plush in there for him when they had it made. If there was only one way that he could sleep, then it was worth spending a little extra gold for the luxury. Especially when he went and farmed the necessary money himself.
“Archie? Lucius?” She stood and brushed sawdust from her shirt.
“I am okay,” Archie confirmed, hopping atop the remains of the broken table that had fallen down.
A thumbs-up emoji popped up from a pile of rubble alongside the actual thumbs-up of the demon. “Yeah, I think I hit myself with the axe, though. The blunt side. Just give me a minute.”
Sally beamed. Problem solved with only minor danger and zero injury. She made the mental note to add that to the Wins for the day - the more they could add there, the less miserable she would feel. Across from her, just behind the Death Knight, a door of dark metal was in the wall of dark stone.
“What time would it be normally? It feels like we have been adventuring all day long, not just in the morning. And how is the sun different here than in the Forest Area?”
Her words fell on deaf ears as Humphrey pulled the demon from the debris. The short answer was probably just System shenanigans.
Eventually, Archie looked up to her. “It would normally be time to eat now.”
“Are you just saying that because you’re a cat?” She eyed him up.
“I’m a what?”
“You know what - it doesn’t matter - Humphrey, go open the door so we can go be dysfunctional in Hell.” She wagged a finger towards the metal door.
The Death Knight nodded and went over to it, obscuring her view of that corner of the room. A screech rang through the open space as he rubbed his chin with plated fingers.
“There is a lock, some kind of puzzle.”
Sally found her eye twitching. As much as the previous version of her loved this kind of thing - delving into the unknown to solve riddles and bash in skulls - when you actually had to live it, the problems were just a distraction from your intended goal. An annoyance. Perhaps that was the intent.
“Well,” she deflated, “either solve it or put your sword through it. My brain is not able to even, right now.”
Lucius watched calmly as Humphrey jostled with some manner of moveable pieces on the door. Archie sat and preened himself, one back leg extended out in the air. Theo seethed in his darkened temporary tomb. The roiling water that was Sally’s mood started to come to a boil.
“May… I… look?” She stepped over to start jostling the Death Knight out of the way before he could answer.
“Ah- sure, yes.” He awkwardly stepped away, stumbling on some loose wood.
Her tired eyes glazed over the panel of interlocking shapes. Maybe it was magical, as she felt her will to live draining from her face. “Lucius, you know the password, right?”
“I do.”
Humphrey furrowed his brow and glared at the demon. “Then why didn’t you say sooner?”
“I, uh, didn’t want to seem rude. It always ruins the adventure if someone has seen all the answers already.” He recoiled slowly away from the blazing flame of the Death Knight’s helmet.
“Fair,” Sally sighed, “but we are just here to-“
“Kill all demons.”
“-to kill… to level up a little.” She stretched out her fingers. The sooner she could start hitting Monsters, the better. She moved out of the way and gestured for the demon to do the needful.
Lucius sidestepped past Humphrey with a sweatdrop emoji and then quickly went ahead to shuffle and adjust the small shapes on the door to the point where they made… a picture? It didn’t look any different to Sally.
With a little fanfare, the door popped open.
Sally pushed through ahead of the rest of them, eager to just run into some manner of mess where she should could blow off some steam - and stopped in awe of what laid before her.
An oval gateway of pulsing red and purple light, shimmering as if it was breathing, sat in the middle of a small room. Runes and sigils were carved into the floor, each one glowing with a similar red light.
“Neat,” she whispered as the glow illuminated her face.
One by one, the Outsiders stepped into the portal to Hell.
[Uncommon Axe]
[Rare Hammer of Critical]
[Rare //Error Helm-.-/]
“Been a while since we had something like that,” Sally huffed. She looked through her Inventory at the new items gained from the now inert boxes. “Axe is whatever… but… why does the hammer look like a baseball bat?” She held it in the air.
“What’s baseball?” Humphrey shrugged. “Just looks like a club.”
“It’s a bit reductive,” Sally gave it a few test swings in the air, “I’m already manic enough to be compared to… oh, rats!”
“Mice.”
“No, I forgot to get that spear thing from the golem.” She sighed and stowed the bat on the back of her jacket somehow. “Hey Theo, we’ve got a Mad Max thing going on here now.”
“Are we allowed direct references?”
Sally looked around the derelict town to see if there was anyone nearby to stop them. “I guess we could play it cool; in honesty, I don’t even remember most of them.”
“Yeah, you don’t even remember Goreblaster.”
She bore her red-eyed gaze into the side of the coffin. Perhaps he was more crazy than he sounded. The muffled tone of his voice didn’t help much in giving the illusion that he was normal.
Archie padded out in front of her, almost tripping her up. “I can try to heal him?”
“You hadn’t already?” She frowned at the ginger cat.
“No, I don’t exactly have a tight grip on what abilities I can cast, and I didn’t want to make things worse.”
Sally again gazed over to the dark wooden coffin. If he was going to get better eventually, then it might not be a great idea to allow the cat to risk something random. In all likelihood, it would just make the vampire more powerful or free him - the last thing they needed was some more inter-party conflict.
“Pass for now,” she waved her hand. “He seems stable - let’s not rock the boat.”
Archie smiled, and half closed his eyes, an almost cartoony expression for the small but powerful cat.
The zombie turned to the demon, who had been leading them through the side streets of Bordertown. “Hey, Lucius. Want an axe to grind? Against bad guys.” She pressed at her STAR and paused. “Bad guys that aren’t us?”
“Uh… okay.” A worried face popped up in a speech bubble next to him. “It probably would be a good idea to have something to defend myself with - not that you guys won’t do a stellar job of it, I’m sure.”
“Things can get confusing in the heat of the moment,” Humphrey agreed stoically. “You’re a demon, we are killing demons…”
“Don’t wind him up, Humps.” Sally withdrew the new Axe from her inventory and passed it over to the demon. It was actually pretty cool looking, now that she gave it half a chance. A dark iron metal, wrapped leather handle, and an etched pattern on the flat sides of the bladed head. Lucius buckled slightly under the weight of it.
“You guys aren’t that bad, you know.” A heart bubble appeared. “Like, for Monsters - you’re certainly not as bad as Ruben and all his henchmen.”
“Is the dragon going to send a series of increasingly tougher bodyguards that we will defeat barely and grow stronger until we can defeat him ourselves? Thus gaining entry to-“
“Shush, Theo.” Sally knocked at the side of the coffin. “Don’t plot out a narrative that we will have to fulfill. Focus on being less crazy and napping so you can level up.”
“I would like to level up.”
“There you go.” She grimaced towards the rest of the Party. It was a lot less uncomfortable when she was the slightly unhinged one. The vampire had his moments previously, but today had just been a complete drain.
Beating up Zero had been fun and a good stretch out of their tired muscles. The Swamp had been a wash, and the Wastes were drab and dry. If anything, the area was just tougher on their emotional stability rather than their combat prowess. She should have expected it. If they were going to be super overpowered, then the System would find their weaknesses to exploit instead - it was more narratively interesting that way.
Silently, she cursed this world.
“Here we are,” Lucius pointed dramatically at a house that looked reasonably the same as any other than they had passed. “It’s in the basement - just in case I didn’t make that clear from my reveal.” A fireworks emoji faded away upon seeing their unimpressed faces.
“Alright, you take point, Humps.” Partially because he was their designated tank, but also just in case his large body plus coffin got stuck, they would be able to push him through.
The doorway entered into a living room, dusty and cracked wooden furniture sitting atop a burned-out-looking rug. The opposite side had a doorway leading to a kitchen and some stairs leading up - probably to some bedrooms. Looking at the state of the place, Sally wouldn’t trust the dried wood to carry the group of them up there without incident. On the side of the stairs, a smaller door was built in.
“I’m not fitting through that,” the Death Knight leveled a finger towards the intended route. Even Sally would have to duck to fit through it.
“Ah,” Lucius rubbed his shadowed chin, accompanied by floating ellipses. “That I hadn’t considered.”
Humphrey tilted his head side to side and looked around the room. “Is the basement directly below us?”
Sally gasped. “Don’t you-“
The Death Knight had already gripped his greatsword handle and went to withdraw it from his back - instead, just hitting it into the low ceiling and covering himself with dusty wooden shrapnel.
“Honestly.” Archie padded across the room and sat in front of the door. The ginger cat closed his eyes, and silence fell across the Party.
Just as Sally opened her mouth to say something, the air burst, and a shockwave rocked the gathered Outsiders. Warm dust filled her nose, and vertigo brought her clattering down on ruined wooden planks and a torn rug.
As the dust settled, she looked up at the ceiling - which had just been their floor.
“That’s… that’s no different than what I was going to do.” Humphrey stumbled to his feet, shards of wood clattering off of his plated figure. “Are you okay, Theo?”
“Mmhfg… yeah.”
The vampire probably bounced around in his little prison and had a mouthful of the padding, Sally thought. It was a good amount of foresight that they had to make it nice and plush in there for him when they had it made. If there was only one way that he could sleep, then it was worth spending a little extra gold for the luxury. Especially when he went and farmed the necessary money himself.
“Archie? Lucius?” She stood and brushed sawdust from her shirt.
“I am okay,” Archie confirmed, hopping atop the remains of the broken table that had fallen down.
A thumbs-up emoji popped up from a pile of rubble alongside the actual thumbs-up of the demon. “Yeah, I think I hit myself with the axe, though. The blunt side. Just give me a minute.”
Sally beamed. Problem solved with only minor danger and zero injury. She made the mental note to add that to the Wins for the day - the more they could add there, the less miserable she would feel. Across from her, just behind the Death Knight, a door of dark metal was in the wall of dark stone.
“What time would it be normally? It feels like we have been adventuring all day long, not just in the morning. And how is the sun different here than in the Forest Area?”
Her words fell on deaf ears as Humphrey pulled the demon from the debris. The short answer was probably just System shenanigans.
Eventually, Archie looked up to her. “It would normally be time to eat now.”
“Are you just saying that because you’re a cat?” She eyed him up.
“I’m a what?”
“You know what - it doesn’t matter - Humphrey, go open the door so we can go be dysfunctional in Hell.” She wagged a finger towards the metal door.
The Death Knight nodded and went over to it, obscuring her view of that corner of the room. A screech rang through the open space as he rubbed his chin with plated fingers.
“There is a lock, some kind of puzzle.”
Sally found her eye twitching. As much as the previous version of her loved this kind of thing - delving into the unknown to solve riddles and bash in skulls - when you actually had to live it, the problems were just a distraction from your intended goal. An annoyance. Perhaps that was the intent.
“Well,” she deflated, “either solve it or put your sword through it. My brain is not able to even, right now.”
Lucius watched calmly as Humphrey jostled with some manner of moveable pieces on the door. Archie sat and preened himself, one back leg extended out in the air. Theo seethed in his darkened temporary tomb. The roiling water that was Sally’s mood started to come to a boil.
“May… I… look?” She stepped over to start jostling the Death Knight out of the way before he could answer.
“Ah- sure, yes.” He awkwardly stepped away, stumbling on some loose wood.
Her tired eyes glazed over the panel of interlocking shapes. Maybe it was magical, as she felt her will to live draining from her face. “Lucius, you know the password, right?”
“I do.”
Humphrey furrowed his brow and glared at the demon. “Then why didn’t you say sooner?”
“I, uh, didn’t want to seem rude. It always ruins the adventure if someone has seen all the answers already.” He recoiled slowly away from the blazing flame of the Death Knight’s helmet.
“Fair,” Sally sighed, “but we are just here to-“
“Kill all demons.”
“-to kill… to level up a little.” She stretched out her fingers. The sooner she could start hitting Monsters, the better. She moved out of the way and gestured for the demon to do the needful.
Lucius sidestepped past Humphrey with a sweatdrop emoji and then quickly went ahead to shuffle and adjust the small shapes on the door to the point where they made… a picture? It didn’t look any different to Sally.
With a little fanfare, the door popped open.
Sally pushed through ahead of the rest of them, eager to just run into some manner of mess where she should could blow off some steam - and stopped in awe of what laid before her.
An oval gateway of pulsing red and purple light, shimmering as if it was breathing, sat in the middle of a small room. Runes and sigils were carved into the floor, each one glowing with a similar red light.
“Neat,” she whispered as the glow illuminated her face.
One by one, the Outsiders stepped into the portal to Hell.
