VOLUME 9 CHAPTER 34: DON’T TELL ME THIS IS THE DEPLOYMENT TO XINYE (1)
Meng De POV
Un?
“Yuan Rang, what do you mean by that?” I tilted my head to the side and put on a puzzled smile, “I didn’t really kill anyone of note now, have I?”
Yuan Rang continued to look troubled.
“The matter with Lord Kong Rong will conclude with his execution soon. He has been far too brazen and killing him to instill fear in the rest and make them toe the line was something that had to be done eventually.” Yuan Rang raised her head as she said so and continued in a somewhat admonishing tone, “Not all of the Imperial Court officials, both administrative and military, are loyalists of our faction. There are a number of retainers who accompanied the Son of Heaven back when he was forced to flee. Amongst them, there are some who are no friends of yours but they do not constitute a credible force to be reckoned with.”
“Un, all that makes sense.” I vigorously nodded and smiled, “I didn’t think that Yuan Rang understood Court politics better than I did.”
“I don’t, but Meng De, you’ve been executing and demoting people left and right these few days. Not only that, you’ve openly and clearly filled the vacant positions with our loyalists.” Yuan Rang’s foot gnashed the floor as she said so and shook her head, “Even I can tell that there’s something.”
“What can you tell?”
“You’re being too hasty, Meng De.” Yuan Rang replied immediately, “Aren’t you afraid that tongues might wag with these actions of yours?”
“They probably will.” I nodded.
“This will only induce everyone from the lowliest official in Imperial Court, and everyone else inside and outside of the capital, to hate you even more.”
“Probably.” I nodded once more, my smile still remaining plastered on. This made Yuan Rang look even more serious, and she seemed to be at a loss as to how she ought to persuade me to her view.
“Hai…” I sighed and smiled again at Yuan Rang, “Those girls, they made you come here to speak with me about this because they think you are too innocent and simple.”
“…” Yuan Rang remained silent. Looks like she really is worried about me.
Never mind. Some things cannot be understood unless they are said.
“I don’t know if Xun Yu and Cheng Yu are just playing the fool or if they are truly ignorant but I am no mere tyrant and everything I have done has a reason behind it.” I looked up and slowly withdrew my smile as I explained myself, “Yuan Rang, do you still remember what I told you all during the meeting earlier today?”
“I do. You said that we are going to proceed south very soon and we are to prepare all of our troops and subordinates as soon as possible.” Yuan Rang summarised what I said but she still seemed doubtful, “What about this?”
“Yes, we are going to begin our southern expedition soon. And Li Dian and Cao Ren, who will serve as the commanders of the vanguard, have already begun deploying their troops to the border.” I added more details and returned to the main point, “Well then, if we are going south, then that means our rear will be exposed. This Court has 2 other factions apart from us, Hedong and Liaodong, and the other blabber mouths.”
(TL: Hedong and Liaodong refer to Yuan Shao’s factions, land held by the Yuan clan and their retainers.)
Of course, Hedong and Liaodong have some issues as well but it’s not too nice to say it on the surface. Ben Chu has been on leave from Court for a while and I have no idea where she’s been or what she’s been doing. For me, in the long run, the only credible threat to my rule is Ben Chu… But now that we’re still in an alliance, I have no need to consider her as a threat for now.
“Un… So Meng De wants to shut up the Imperial Court?” Yuan Rang gave the answer while I was occupied with my thoughts.
“Well that settles it then.”
“But–”
“I know.” I smiled and immediately interrupted her when I saw that she had more to say, “I know you want to say that I’m moving too quickly. But personally speaking, I have to be this quick.”
“But… Why?”
“…” I sank into silence for a moment before arching my neck as I said, “Because I’m afraid that I will die any day.”
Ah… When these words came out, Yuan Rang finally understood.
I am afraid of death, but not because I am afraid of death itself. If I am dead, there is still Xuan De. But now that Xuan De is dead, I am the only one left.
If I am dead, who else is there?
I do not know when I will die or be killed. Therefore, until then, I must do my best to stay alive as long as possible and further accelerate my plans. I hardened my heart once more and shifted my gaze away from Yuan Rang to the window.
“Alright, I do not wish to talk about certain things anymore.” I was beginning to feel a little melancholic. This was uncharacteristic of me and would never have happened before.
“Alright,” Yuan Rang said as she got up with no intention of saying any further. On things like these, Yuan Rang is much more understanding. Perhaps between us both, she does not even need to look at my face to know what I am feeling.
“Oh, right.” As I looked at Yuan Rang’s back, I felt like I had to say something and called out to her.
“Un?”
As I looked this maiden who was as silly as she was brave, I smiled and saluted her, “Based on our deployment plans, you will be heading to Hedong in a few days. I’ll be leaving Hedong to you then.”
“Haha, are you still worried even with me?” Yuan Rang said as she thumped her chest with her fist hard and waved at me.
I have changed but they are all still the same.
If I should commit any transgressions, please forgive me.
I would like to say that, but the me now cannot say such things. All I can do is look at Yuan Rang’s back disappear into the distance and silently pray for her.
Hu… I breathed out.
We are going to head south soon.
Li Dian and Cao Ren will be heading there and setting things up first before everyone else gets there. After that, I can finally get some exercise for once, I thought as I stretched my back…
“Meng De!! Cao Meng De!!”
Un?! Just then, a rather shrill but pleasant voice came from the distance. From how she’s yelling my name, she must be rather urgent. Though this voice is rather vexing, I cannot be more familiar with it.
“Oh~ Yuan Ben Chu, I’m here.” I smiled as I yelled out like she did.
“Cao Meng De!”
*Ta* *Ta*
She wore shoes that had very thick soles so whenever she stepped into the room, she always made an easily discernible sound. When I looked at that familiar face, I saw fury and anxiety. Her hair that is always lustrous and neat is now in a terrible mess.
“What is it that Ben Chu has come to look for me today?” I asked leisurely. I was planning on looking for her sooner or later to find out what she had been up to these few days.
“What are you doing?” Ben Chu looked at me with surprise and began to step over with wide strides, her expression growing worse with every step. I have seen many people get angry, but only Ben Chu’s anger seems sincere and not irritating.
“Cao Meng De, how can you just sit here so leisurely?” She delivered stinging insults to my face the moment she opened her mouth. Just as I was about to ask her why she was saying such things and where she had been, she opened her mouth and spoke first, “– Do you know what happened to Xuan De?”
…
I did not react immediately with the exception of my heart feeling squeezed. I lowered my head slightly and massaged my heart as naturally as I could muster.
Hai… I did not want to talk about this. I did not think that Ben Chu would be here just after I managed to deal with Yuan Rang.
As I thought so, I sighed. I cannot treat Ben Chu the way I did to Yuan Rang. Now, all I can do is steel myself and prevent her from blabbing too much about this.
“I knew of this a while ago,” I honestly admitted, “Looks like Ben Chu’s information sources aren’t as good huh?” As I said so, I did my best to appear casual. I tried to feign a smile at first but I found that this was impossible.
“No, I knew this a while ago as well,” Ben Chu got even more enraged as she said so, “I didn’t think that Xuan De would go missing.”
Eh? Missing? When I heard what Ben Chu said, I got a shock and my mind soon wandered.
Xuan De… Has gone missing? He’s not a kid.
Wait… If he really has gone missing and there is a mistake with my information…
I took a deep breath.
“Ben Chu!” I stood up immediately and stared at Ben Chu agitatedly, “When you said Xuan De went missing, where did you hear this from!”
“From where? Of course it’s from the south.” Ben Chu said as a matter of factly, “Didn’t Xuan De fall into a river? I’m afraid no one knows where he is now.”
Ah… So that’s it… I began to feel like I was an idiot for still holding on to that glimmer of hope. But I did not have time to feel rage for what I felt was sorrow for the person before me.
I went to where Ben Chu was, “Ben Chu, I don’t want to say this, but from what I’ve heard from Liu Biao’s side, they sent search parties which searched both up- and downstream. No one found a trace of Xuan De.”
“Doesn’t that mean that Xuan De was able to escape the river before someone found him?”
“But nobody has said they have found him right?”
“Meng De, you don’t need to say any further. Your information is completely unreliable.” Ben Chu said as she pointed at her chest, “I’ve sent my most elite cavalry to search for him these few days.”
“And have you found him?”
“Not yet,” Ben Chu shook her head and smiled, “But don’t worry, I’ll definitely find the missing Xuan De.”
Ben Chu said these words very confidently but I found that her breathing was ragged. Of course, I am no better. Every word I utter which makes her confidence waver drives me further into despair and also extinguishes further the remaining cinders of hope lingering in my heart.
This is why I am afraid to continue. I know it even if she does not say it, that she knows the truth deep down and is just running away.
I was like this for a short time as well.
But because of this, there are things that only I can say and so, I have to say them.
VOLUME 9 CHAPTER 34: DON’T TELL ME THIS IS THE DEPLOYMENT TO XINYE (1)
Meng De POV
Un?
“Yuan Rang, what do you mean by that?” I tilted my head to the side and put on a puzzled smile, “I didn’t really kill anyone of note now, have I?”
Yuan Rang continued to look troubled.
“The matter with Lord Kong Rong will conclude with his execution soon. He has been far too brazen and killing him to instill fear in the rest and make them toe the line was something that had to be done eventually.” Yuan Rang raised her head as she said so and continued in a somewhat admonishing tone, “Not all of the Imperial Court officials, both administrative and military, are loyalists of our faction. There are a number of retainers who accompanied the Son of Heaven back when he was forced to flee. Amongst them, there are some who are no friends of yours but they do not constitute a credible force to be reckoned with.”
“Un, all that makes sense.” I vigorously nodded and smiled, “I didn’t think that Yuan Rang understood Court politics better than I did.”
“I don’t, but Meng De, you’ve been executing and demoting people left and right these few days. Not only that, you’ve openly and clearly filled the vacant positions with our loyalists.” Yuan Rang’s foot gnashed the floor as she said so and shook her head, “Even I can tell that there’s something.”
“What can you tell?”
“You’re being too hasty, Meng De.” Yuan Rang replied immediately, “Aren’t you afraid that tongues might wag with these actions of yours?”
“They probably will.” I nodded.
“This will only induce everyone from the lowliest official in Imperial Court, and everyone else inside and outside of the capital, to hate you even more.”
“Probably.” I nodded once more, my smile still remaining plastered on. This made Yuan Rang look even more serious, and she seemed to be at a loss as to how she ought to persuade me to her view.
“Hai…” I sighed and smiled again at Yuan Rang, “Those girls, they made you come here to speak with me about this because they think you are too innocent and simple.”
“…” Yuan Rang remained silent. Looks like she really is worried about me.
Never mind. Some things cannot be understood unless they are said.
“I don’t know if Xun Yu and Cheng Yu are just playing the fool or if they are truly ignorant but I am no mere tyrant and everything I have done has a reason behind it.” I looked up and slowly withdrew my smile as I explained myself, “Yuan Rang, do you still remember what I told you all during the meeting earlier today?”
“I do. You said that we are going to proceed south very soon and we are to prepare all of our troops and subordinates as soon as possible.” Yuan Rang summarised what I said but she still seemed doubtful, “What about this?”
“Yes, we are going to begin our southern expedition soon. And Li Dian and Cao Ren, who will serve as the commanders of the vanguard, have already begun deploying their troops to the border.” I added more details and returned to the main point, “Well then, if we are going south, then that means our rear will be exposed. This Court has 2 other factions apart from us, Hedong and Liaodong, and the other blabber mouths.”
(TL: Hedong and Liaodong refer to Yuan Shao’s factions, land held by the Yuan clan and their retainers.)
Of course, Hedong and Liaodong have some issues as well but it’s not too nice to say it on the surface. Ben Chu has been on leave from Court for a while and I have no idea where she’s been or what she’s been doing. For me, in the long run, the only credible threat to my rule is Ben Chu… But now that we’re still in an alliance, I have no need to consider her as a threat for now.
“Un… So Meng De wants to shut up the Imperial Court?” Yuan Rang gave the answer while I was occupied with my thoughts.
“Well that settles it then.”
“But–”
“I know.” I smiled and immediately interrupted her when I saw that she had more to say, “I know you want to say that I’m moving too quickly. But personally speaking, I have to be this quick.”
“But… Why?”
“…” I sank into silence for a moment before arching my neck as I said, “Because I’m afraid that I will die any day.”
Ah… When these words came out, Yuan Rang finally understood.
I am afraid of death, but not because I am afraid of death itself. If I am dead, there is still Xuan De. But now that Xuan De is dead, I am the only one left.
If I am dead, who else is there?
I do not know when I will die or be killed. Therefore, until then, I must do my best to stay alive as long as possible and further accelerate my plans. I hardened my heart once more and shifted my gaze away from Yuan Rang to the window.
“Alright, I do not wish to talk about certain things anymore.” I was beginning to feel a little melancholic. This was uncharacteristic of me and would never have happened before.
“Alright,” Yuan Rang said as she got up with no intention of saying any further. On things like these, Yuan Rang is much more understanding. Perhaps between us both, she does not even need to look at my face to know what I am feeling.
“Oh, right.” As I looked at Yuan Rang’s back, I felt like I had to say something and called out to her.
“Un?”
As I looked this maiden who was as silly as she was brave, I smiled and saluted her, “Based on our deployment plans, you will be heading to Hedong in a few days. I’ll be leaving Hedong to you then.”
“Haha, are you still worried even with me?” Yuan Rang said as she thumped her chest with her fist hard and waved at me.
I have changed but they are all still the same.
If I should commit any transgressions, please forgive me.
I would like to say that, but the me now cannot say such things. All I can do is look at Yuan Rang’s back disappear into the distance and silently pray for her.
Hu… I breathed out.
We are going to head south soon.
Li Dian and Cao Ren will be heading there and setting things up first before everyone else gets there. After that, I can finally get some exercise for once, I thought as I stretched my back…
“Meng De!! Cao Meng De!!”
Un?! Just then, a rather shrill but pleasant voice came from the distance. From how she’s yelling my name, she must be rather urgent. Though this voice is rather vexing, I cannot be more familiar with it.
“Oh~ Yuan Ben Chu, I’m here.” I smiled as I yelled out like she did.
“Cao Meng De!”
*Ta* *Ta*
She wore shoes that had very thick soles so whenever she stepped into the room, she always made an easily discernible sound. When I looked at that familiar face, I saw fury and anxiety. Her hair that is always lustrous and neat is now in a terrible mess.
“What is it that Ben Chu has come to look for me today?” I asked leisurely. I was planning on looking for her sooner or later to find out what she had been up to these few days.
“What are you doing?” Ben Chu looked at me with surprise and began to step over with wide strides, her expression growing worse with every step. I have seen many people get angry, but only Ben Chu’s anger seems sincere and not irritating.
“Cao Meng De, how can you just sit here so leisurely?” She delivered stinging insults to my face the moment she opened her mouth. Just as I was about to ask her why she was saying such things and where she had been, she opened her mouth and spoke first, “– Do you know what happened to Xuan De?”
…
I did not react immediately with the exception of my heart feeling squeezed. I lowered my head slightly and massaged my heart as naturally as I could muster.
Hai… I did not want to talk about this. I did not think that Ben Chu would be here just after I managed to deal with Yuan Rang.
As I thought so, I sighed. I cannot treat Ben Chu the way I did to Yuan Rang. Now, all I can do is steel myself and prevent her from blabbing too much about this.
“I knew of this a while ago,” I honestly admitted, “Looks like Ben Chu’s information sources aren’t as good huh?” As I said so, I did my best to appear casual. I tried to feign a smile at first but I found that this was impossible.
“No, I knew this a while ago as well,” Ben Chu got even more enraged as she said so, “I didn’t think that Xuan De would go missing.”
Eh? Missing? When I heard what Ben Chu said, I got a shock and my mind soon wandered.
Xuan De… Has gone missing? He’s not a kid.
Wait… If he really has gone missing and there is a mistake with my information…
I took a deep breath.
“Ben Chu!” I stood up immediately and stared at Ben Chu agitatedly, “When you said Xuan De went missing, where did you hear this from!”
“From where? Of course it’s from the south.” Ben Chu said as a matter of factly, “Didn’t Xuan De fall into a river? I’m afraid no one knows where he is now.”
Ah… So that’s it… I began to feel like I was an idiot for still holding on to that glimmer of hope. But I did not have time to feel rage for what I felt was sorrow for the person before me.
I went to where Ben Chu was, “Ben Chu, I don’t want to say this, but from what I’ve heard from Liu Biao’s side, they sent search parties which searched both up- and downstream. No one found a trace of Xuan De.”
“Doesn’t that mean that Xuan De was able to escape the river before someone found him?”
“But nobody has said they have found him right?”
“Meng De, you don’t need to say any further. Your information is completely unreliable.” Ben Chu said as she pointed at her chest, “I’ve sent my most elite cavalry to search for him these few days.”
“And have you found him?”
“Not yet,” Ben Chu shook her head and smiled, “But don’t worry, I’ll definitely find the missing Xuan De.”
Ben Chu said these words very confidently but I found that her breathing was ragged. Of course, I am no better. Every word I utter which makes her confidence waver drives me further into despair and also extinguishes further the remaining cinders of hope lingering in my heart.
This is why I am afraid to continue. I know it even if she does not say it, that she knows the truth deep down and is just running away.
I was like this for a short time as well.
But because of this, there are things that only I can say and so, I have to say them.
