Translated by Appleot
Edited by Appleot
Chapter 12.1
Train travel with the Duke (4)
“It’s because I have a good eye for the people I see…”
This is a lie. It’s rare that first impressions match someone’s real personality.
“The moment I met the Duke for the first time. I don’t know why, but the first thought that crossed my mind was that he was different from the rumors that I heard.”
“…It sounds like an excuse, but I’ll listen. Go on.”
Serpence said leisurely, with a look like, ‘If you’re going to try, try it.’
“At first, I didn’t know what it was. It’s true that I was terrified of that unknown distance.”
“It still looks the same today.”
As he said that. I tried to calm myself down as much as I could, but my pounding heart didn’t calm down. Unlike Serpence, who lived his entire life lying, my acting skills were poor.
“Isn’t everyone like that when they are faced against a wild animal that is wounded and it set up thorns around it?”
So, my lack of acting skills can only be compensated for with words. What if I can’t hide my feelings? It is enough to add another meaning to that feeling.
“…A wound? Is that the story you need now?”
To my words, Serpence responded with an expression of not knowing what I’m talking about. Is he pretending not to know, or is it that he doesn’t even know that he’s been hurt?
‘Does it matter either way?’
Either way, he deserves sympathy.
I sympathize with him, and I want to help him somehow because I feel sorry for him.
Let’s think that way.
“It’s natural to be intimidated and scared when you’re vigilant and pointing with a sharp edge. But at the same time, it’s sad. It’s natural for me to feel this way.”
“What does that have to do with the current situation…Don’t blur the point with useless talk.”
Serpence looked at me with a flawless smile. He didn’t seem to have ever been hurt by anyone. It seemed as if he grew up entirely loved. Even in this situation right now, he gave off an innocent expression.
“Don’t turn away. If you let this go on, it will get worse. You didn’t notice at first, but now you know.”
My dry voice trembled and cracked.
If there is only a weakness in the perfect Serpence, it must be his ‘feelings towards himself’.
“You just couldn’t notice it yourself. The duke’s attitude and eyes are telling. The fact that you were hurt. No matter how much you try to hide it and decorate it with lies, you can’t hide the pain.”
“I don’t have any of that.”
Serpence answered firmly, as if there was nothing more to hear.
“Duke, what happened to you? Why are you killing yourself and suppressing yourself?”
“…Lord Rivelon.”
Serpence, who was leaning against the table, stood up and straightened his posture. The corners of his lips, which had risen in gentle curves, drooped down, and his relaxed eyes sank heavily. His expression stiffened.
“Let’s stop talking nonsense.”
“No, it’s not nonsense, we’ll have to keep talking.”
Serpense’s face couldn’t stiffen more, his expression slowly disappeared. Even the word expressionless was not enough to express it. No emotion remained. It was too beautiful, it felt artificial. It didn’t feel like he’s alive. Like a well-carved statue, I couldn’t feel even a handful of warmth.
“What is driving the Duke like that? Why are you willing to sacrifice yourself? Why are you covering yourself up with so much pain and not crying?”
I poured out the questions I had built up over and over, one by one. As I was talking, I felt really sorry for him and realized again how much he’s pitiful. Without realizing it, my emotions intensified, and my tears fell.
“I have a vague idea of what you’ve been through. From a very young age that you can’t even remember, you have been burdened with responsibilities, you have been forced to restrain yourself. You have been limited to show any desires, haven’t you?”
I stared straight into the eyes of Serpence, who was making a numb expression like a doll.
“If not. If my guess is wrong, tell me where I’m wrong.”
No matter how good my eyes are, I can’t tell. Especially if the other person is used to hiding his thoughts and feelings like Serpence. What I said was very specific and accurate. With a little thought, Serpence can realize that this isn’t something that can be determined by simple guesswork.
‘But Serpence can’t point that out.’
The moment he points it out, it would be like admitting everything I said.
“Why don’t you say if you’re sick?”
“What’s so scary?”
“Why didn’t you ask for help? No. No. That’s right. Did they turn away from you?”
Serpence’s expression was still calm.
Is he not even able to afford to make up his expression, or is it not even worth it?
‘Did he not feel anything from my words? Then, why not deny or get angry?’
With a dry face that doesn’t seem to have any emotions. With a terrifyingly expressionless face.『 There was no answer. He just kept watching, just waiting quietly. 』
There was no expression or word. I just remembered the description I had read in the novel when I saw him sitting quietly.
I felt like I understood the meaning now.
‘Serpence may have wanted to get angry at him then…’
Unlike Humanus, who always smiled sincerely and could do whatever he wanted. It must have been unbearable to Serpence compared to his situation where he had to laugh with a pretense and ignore everything he wanted.
‘He must’ve been very miserable.’
Humanus was fitting him into a subject of self-confidence and to his own standards.
Serpence must’ve hated the sight of him talking about himself easily. But still, he didn’t know how to express his feelings. At last, Humanus must have given up on understanding him, and Serpence had given up on making him understand.
“Ha…, the Duke doesn’t even know how to get angry.”
It’s so ridiculous, I can’t help but laugh.
Translated by Appleot
Edited by Appleot
Chapter 12.1
Train travel with the Duke (4)
“It’s because I have a good eye for the people I see…”
This is a lie. It’s rare that first impressions match someone’s real personality.
“The moment I met the Duke for the first time. I don’t know why, but the first thought that crossed my mind was that he was different from the rumors that I heard.”
“…It sounds like an excuse, but I’ll listen. Go on.”
Serpence said leisurely, with a look like, ‘If you’re going to try, try it.’
“At first, I didn’t know what it was. It’s true that I was terrified of that unknown distance.”
“It still looks the same today.”
As he said that. I tried to calm myself down as much as I could, but my pounding heart didn’t calm down. Unlike Serpence, who lived his entire life lying, my acting skills were poor.
“Isn’t everyone like that when they are faced against a wild animal that is wounded and it set up thorns around it?”
So, my lack of acting skills can only be compensated for with words. What if I can’t hide my feelings? It is enough to add another meaning to that feeling.
“…A wound? Is that the story you need now?”
To my words, Serpence responded with an expression of not knowing what I’m talking about. Is he pretending not to know, or is it that he doesn’t even know that he’s been hurt?
‘Does it matter either way?’
Either way, he deserves sympathy.
I sympathize with him, and I want to help him somehow because I feel sorry for him.
Let’s think that way.
“It’s natural to be intimidated and scared when you’re vigilant and pointing with a sharp edge. But at the same time, it’s sad. It’s natural for me to feel this way.”
“What does that have to do with the current situation…Don’t blur the point with useless talk.”
Serpence looked at me with a flawless smile. He didn’t seem to have ever been hurt by anyone. It seemed as if he grew up entirely loved. Even in this situation right now, he gave off an innocent expression.
“Don’t turn away. If you let this go on, it will get worse. You didn’t notice at first, but now you know.”
My dry voice trembled and cracked.
If there is only a weakness in the perfect Serpence, it must be his ‘feelings towards himself’.
“You just couldn’t notice it yourself. The duke’s attitude and eyes are telling. The fact that you were hurt. No matter how much you try to hide it and decorate it with lies, you can’t hide the pain.”
“I don’t have any of that.”
Serpence answered firmly, as if there was nothing more to hear.
“Duke, what happened to you? Why are you killing yourself and suppressing yourself?”
“…Lord Rivelon.”
Serpence, who was leaning against the table, stood up and straightened his posture. The corners of his lips, which had risen in gentle curves, drooped down, and his relaxed eyes sank heavily. His expression stiffened.
“Let’s stop talking nonsense.”
“No, it’s not nonsense, we’ll have to keep talking.”
Serpense’s face couldn’t stiffen more, his expression slowly disappeared. Even the word expressionless was not enough to express it. No emotion remained. It was too beautiful, it felt artificial. It didn’t feel like he’s alive. Like a well-carved statue, I couldn’t feel even a handful of warmth.
“What is driving the Duke like that? Why are you willing to sacrifice yourself? Why are you covering yourself up with so much pain and not crying?”
I poured out the questions I had built up over and over, one by one. As I was talking, I felt really sorry for him and realized again how much he’s pitiful. Without realizing it, my emotions intensified, and my tears fell.
“I have a vague idea of what you’ve been through. From a very young age that you can’t even remember, you have been burdened with responsibilities, you have been forced to restrain yourself. You have been limited to show any desires, haven’t you?”
I stared straight into the eyes of Serpence, who was making a numb expression like a doll.
“If not. If my guess is wrong, tell me where I’m wrong.”
No matter how good my eyes are, I can’t tell. Especially if the other person is used to hiding his thoughts and feelings like Serpence. What I said was very specific and accurate. With a little thought, Serpence can realize that this isn’t something that can be determined by simple guesswork.
‘But Serpence can’t point that out.’
The moment he points it out, it would be like admitting everything I said.
“Why don’t you say if you’re sick?”
“What’s so scary?”
“Why didn’t you ask for help? No. No. That’s right. Did they turn away from you?”
Serpence’s expression was still calm.
Is he not even able to afford to make up his expression, or is it not even worth it?
‘Did he not feel anything from my words? Then, why not deny or get angry?’
With a dry face that doesn’t seem to have any emotions. With a terrifyingly expressionless face.『 There was no answer. He just kept watching, just waiting quietly. 』
There was no expression or word. I just remembered the description I had read in the novel when I saw him sitting quietly.
I felt like I understood the meaning now.
‘Serpence may have wanted to get angry at him then…’
Unlike Humanus, who always smiled sincerely and could do whatever he wanted. It must have been unbearable to Serpence compared to his situation where he had to laugh with a pretense and ignore everything he wanted.
‘He must’ve been very miserable.’
Humanus was fitting him into a subject of self-confidence and to his own standards.
Serpence must’ve hated the sight of him talking about himself easily. But still, he didn’t know how to express his feelings. At last, Humanus must have given up on understanding him, and Serpence had given up on making him understand.
“Ha…, the Duke doesn’t even know how to get angry.”
It’s so ridiculous, I can’t help but laugh.
