Chapter 132: 132
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Benladann POV
.
.
.
My emotions are a turmoil. I don't know when I fell asleep, but it might have been a bit after something surged out from the ground.
Something… Big and made of metal…
It was strange… But Drake said it was a "mech" or something.
And when that voice… within this mech said something…
Something about…
Ah…
Ungh…
N-Now I remember…
My parents… are dead.
This reality hurts so much… I don't want to accept it. I don't really want to accept it…
Please, make it stop…
I don't want to…
No…
Mama… papa…
Why? Why did you have to die?
I should have never left…
Without you what will I do? Where will I go?
I miss them… I miss them so much…
Ah…
It feels as if I am about to be torn apart by the pain I feel, it feels like I want to kill myself, this pain is so big it makes me want to go insane…
I don't want to live anymore… Without them I-
"Why are you getting like this now? After all that talk over that stupid dragon, now you're forgetting about him?"
Eh?
Dragon… Ah, Drake…
"Yeah, Drake. Did you forget about him? He beat me to a pulp."
No… I could never… forget about him… I…
But… Hahh… My mind… my heart… my everything… it hurts so badly…
"I know how you feel. I can feel all your emotions, sister…"
Do you feel all my emotions? Yet… you made me suffer so much before? Why? Why are you like this and why are you showing up now from all things? Only in my dreams…
What do you want now? To make me feel even worse?
"I wanted to protect you, so I was willing to bear the pain…"
Why do you care?
Why are you here…
"I never disappeared… I was always here. I will always be here. I am… a part of you, your sister, Miranda…"
Call me by my name! Call me by the name that my parents gave me!!!
"…Benladann."
…
You said it…
"I did…"
Sigh…
"L-Look, I don't want to make you feel worse. I was just noticing how you were forgetting about the stupid dragon, so I reminded you of him for you…"
Yeah… I can see that…
I don't know why I forgot about him…
Ah… It must be because of the pain… So much pain…
This is perhaps an even worst pain…
"Hm… Pain… I am already used to it… Are you?"
…Maybe.
I feel… so strange.
Is this when you simply live with the pain?
Ah…
W-Wait…
Within my fuzzy memories… Drake… he… he helped me put my parent's souls inside my weapons…
He did that… for me…
He…
Ugh, I should stop being like this, I have to wake up, quickly…
I want to meet him… I want to thank him for this too…
Drake…
.
.
.
Miranda POV
.
.
.
She left… I guess I am here once more…
Time to… stare at the abyssal void.
Hahh…
I also feel bad, Benladann…
But I guess it is hard for you to relate to a monster like me, right? Yeah, it is rather obvious…
I just… wanted to protect you back then…
Do you know? I was never taught a lot of stuff… I didn't know… that it hurt so much…
Maybe what I needed is something whose concept I didn't know…
But that thing is what the dragon taught me… As I saw through your eyes how he took care of you…
I didn't understand at first why would he do this with a complete stranger.
But I… began to understand that he had something I lacked a lot.
Empathy.
Can I… develop empathy?
I think I am developing it slowly.
By just thinking about what I did… I can feel it within me… It hurts a lot.
Is this the horrible pain I made you go through, Benladann?
I can tell…
Hahh… What have I done?
What am I anyway?
An alien? Benladann's soul? Her mind? A split personality?
What am I really?
Even after everything… I don't even understand it well.
I think that I might be her… but…
I just told her the truth, that I cannot go away from her…
But she repulses me, I suppose it is fair after all I did… I am not even worth her time.
Ah… But without her, what do I do? What am I even?
I have to do something… or simply… fall asleep for eternity?
Is this… what she wants?
Ah…
No…
Don't leave me behind…
I also want to be with you, Benladann…
I also want to explore this world with you…
I am sorry… I just didn't know…
I… There are no excuses, I guess…
What can I do for her to know that I am sorry? I have to do something… Something that could help her…
But what can I even do? I am… something that only causes harm.
Without her… I am merely nothing… I am… just… empty.
I walk into the endless void… And continue walking, endlessly.
Until one day, I feel tired, and I rest in the darkness.
It feels… cold.
Will I be alone forever…?
What… do I do…?
I should really just die… right?
That would make her happy…
I just want her to be happy…
After all of this… she must be in so much pain…
I wish I could die… So I can make everyone happy at last…
So I won't be there to annoy everyone… And so I can… not annoy her new life.
I am just an annoying… thing.
I wish I could die… To disappear forever… and to be swallowed by the void.
But as much as I wish… I cannot disappear. And even when I want to sleep, I can't sleep either.
Let me disappear…
Let me die…
I don't want to exist anymore…
But why?!
Why can't I die?!
Let me go away from her life!
Why…?
Why can't I?
What do I even do then…
Just let me disappear…
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.
.
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Benladann POV
.
.
.
My emotions are a turmoil. I don't know when I fell asleep, but it might have been a bit after something surged out from the ground.
Something… Big and made of metal…
It was strange… But Drake said it was a "mech" or something.
And when that voice… within this mech said something…
Something about…
Ah…
Ungh…
N-Now I remember…
My parents… are dead.
This reality hurts so much… I don't want to accept it. I don't really want to accept it…
Please, make it stop…
I don't want to…
No…
Mama… papa…
Why? Why did you have to die?
I should have never left…
Without you what will I do? Where will I go?
I miss them… I miss them so much…
Ah…
It feels as if I am about to be torn apart by the pain I feel, it feels like I want to kill myself, this pain is so big it makes me want to go insane…
I don't want to live anymore… Without them I-
"Why are you getting like this now? After all that talk over that stupid dragon, now you're forgetting about him?"
Eh?
Dragon… Ah, Drake…
"Yeah, Drake. Did you forget about him? He beat me to a pulp."
No… I could never… forget about him… I…
But… Hahh… My mind… my heart… my everything… it hurts so badly…
"I know how you feel. I can feel all your emotions, sister…"
Do you feel all my emotions? Yet… you made me suffer so much before? Why? Why are you like this and why are you showing up now from all things? Only in my dreams…
What do you want now? To make me feel even worse?
"I wanted to protect you, so I was willing to bear the pain…"
Why do you care?
Why are you here…
"I never disappeared… I was always here. I will always be here. I am… a part of you, your sister, Miranda…"
Call me by my name! Call me by the name that my parents gave me!!!
"…Benladann."
…
You said it…
"I did…"
Sigh…
"L-Look, I don't want to make you feel worse. I was just noticing how you were forgetting about the stupid dragon, so I reminded you of him for you…"
Yeah… I can see that…
I don't know why I forgot about him…
Ah… It must be because of the pain… So much pain…
This is perhaps an even worst pain…
"Hm… Pain… I am already used to it… Are you?"
…Maybe.
I feel… so strange.
Is this when you simply live with the pain?
Ah…
W-Wait…
Within my fuzzy memories… Drake… he… he helped me put my parent's souls inside my weapons…
He did that… for me…
He…
Ugh, I should stop being like this, I have to wake up, quickly…
I want to meet him… I want to thank him for this too…
Drake…
.
.
.
Miranda POV
.
.
.
She left… I guess I am here once more…
Time to… stare at the abyssal void.
Hahh…
I also feel bad, Benladann…
But I guess it is hard for you to relate to a monster like me, right? Yeah, it is rather obvious…
I just… wanted to protect you back then…
Do you know? I was never taught a lot of stuff… I didn't know… that it hurt so much…
Maybe what I needed is something whose concept I didn't know…
But that thing is what the dragon taught me… As I saw through your eyes how he took care of you…
I didn't understand at first why would he do this with a complete stranger.
But I… began to understand that he had something I lacked a lot.
Empathy.
Can I… develop empathy?
I think I am developing it slowly.
By just thinking about what I did… I can feel it within me… It hurts a lot.
Is this the horrible pain I made you go through, Benladann?
I can tell…
Hahh… What have I done?
What am I anyway?
An alien? Benladann's soul? Her mind? A split personality?
What am I really?
Even after everything… I don't even understand it well.
I think that I might be her… but…
I just told her the truth, that I cannot go away from her…
But she repulses me, I suppose it is fair after all I did… I am not even worth her time.
Ah… But without her, what do I do? What am I even?
I have to do something… or simply… fall asleep for eternity?
Is this… what she wants?
Ah…
No…
Don't leave me behind…
I also want to be with you, Benladann…
I also want to explore this world with you…
I am sorry… I just didn't know…
I… There are no excuses, I guess…
What can I do for her to know that I am sorry? I have to do something… Something that could help her…
But what can I even do? I am… something that only causes harm.
Without her… I am merely nothing… I am… just… empty.
I walk into the endless void… And continue walking, endlessly.
Until one day, I feel tired, and I rest in the darkness.
It feels… cold.
Will I be alone forever…?
What… do I do…?
I should really just die… right?
That would make her happy…
I just want her to be happy…
After all of this… she must be in so much pain…
I wish I could die… So I can make everyone happy at last…
So I won't be there to annoy everyone… And so I can… not annoy her new life.
I am just an annoying… thing.
I wish I could die… To disappear forever… and to be swallowed by the void.
But as much as I wish… I cannot disappear. And even when I want to sleep, I can't sleep either.
Let me disappear…
Let me die…
I don't want to exist anymore…
But why?!
Why can't I die?!
Let me go away from her life!
Why…?
Why can't I?
What do I even do then…
Just let me disappear…
.
.
.
Benladann POV...My emotions are a turmoil. I don't know when I fell asleep, but it might have been a bit after something surged out from the ground.Something Big and made of metalIt was strange But Drake said it was a "mech" or something.And when that voice within this mech said somethingSomething aboutAhUnghN-Now I rememberMy parents are dead.This reality hurts so much I don't want to accept it. I don't really want to accept itPlease, make it stopI don't want toNoMama papaWhy? Why did you have to die?I should have never leftWithout you what will I do? Where will I go?I miss them I miss them so muchAhIt feels as if I am about to be torn apart by the pain I feel, it feels like I want to kill myself, this pain is so big it makes me want to go insaneI don't want to live anymore Without them I-"Why are you getting like this now? After all that talk over that stupid dragon, now you're forgetting about him?"Eh?Dragon Ah, Drake"Yeah, Drake. Did you forget about him? He beat me to a pulp."No I could never forget about him IBut Hahh My mind my heart my everything it hurts so badly"I know how you feel. I can feel all your emotions, sister"Do you feel all my emotions? Yet you made me suffer so much before? Why? Why are you like this and why are you showing up now from all things? Only in my dreamsWhat do you want now? To make me feel even worse?"I wanted to protect you, so I was willing to bear the pain"Why do you care?Why are you here"I never disappeared I was always here. I will always be here. I am a part of you, your sister, Miranda"Call me by my name! Call me by the name that my parents gave me!!!"Benladann."You said it"I did"Sigh"L-Look, I don't want to make you feel worse. I was just noticing how you were forgetting about the stupid dragon, so I reminded you of him for you"Yeah I can see thatI don't know why I forgot about himAh It must be because of the pain So much painThis is perhaps an even worst pain"Hm Pain I am already used to it Are you?"Maybe.I feel so strange.Is this when you simply live with the pain?AhW-WaitWithin my fuzzy memories Drake he he helped me put my parent's souls inside my weaponsHe did that for meHeUgh, I should stop being like this, I have to wake up, quicklyI want to meet him I want to thank him for this tooDrake...Miranda POV...She left I guess I am here once moreTime to stare at the abyssal void.HahhI also feel bad, BenladannBut I guess it is hard for you to relate to a monster like me, right? Yeah, it is rather obviousI just wanted to protect you back thenDo you know? I was never taught a lot of stuff I didn't know that it hurt so muchMaybe what I needed is something whose concept I didn't knowBut that thing is what the dragon taught me As I saw through your eyes how he took care of youI didn't understand at first why would he do this with a complete stranger.But I began to understand that he had something I lacked a lot.Empathy.Can I develop empathy?I think I am developing it slowly.By just thinking about what I did I can feel it within me It hurts a lot.Is this the horrible pain I made you go through, Benladann?I can tellHahh What have I done?What am I anyway?An alien? Benladann's soul? Her mind? A split personality?What am I really?Even after everything I don't even understand it well.I think that I might be her butI just told her the truth, that I cannot go away from herBut she repulses me, I suppose it is fair after all I did I am not even worth her time.Ah But without her, what do I do? What am I even?I have to do something or simply fall asleep for eternity?Is this what she wants?AhNoDon't leave me behindI also want to be with you, BenladannI also want to explore this world with youI am sorry I just didn't knowI There are no excuses, I guessWhat can I do for her to know that I am sorry? I have to do something Something that could help herBut what can I even do? I am something that only causes harm.Without her I am merely nothing I am just empty.I walk into the endless void And continue walking, endlessly.Until one day, I feel tired, and I rest in the darkness.It feels cold.Will I be alone forever?What do I do?I should really just die right?That would make her happyI just want her to be happyAfter all of this she must be in so much painI wish I could die So I can make everyone happy at lastSo I won't be there to annoy everyone And so I can not annoy her new life.I am just an annoying thing.I wish I could die To disappear forever and to be swallowed by the void.But as much as I wish I cannot disappear. And even when I want to sleep, I can't sleep either.Let me disappearLet me dieI don't want to exist anymoreBut why?!Why can't I die?!Let me go away from her life!Why?Why can't I?What do I even do thenJust let me disappear...