Translated by juurensha
Edited by Noks
Derivative Life Curve.
Time was always subjective.
Fang Juexia finally recognized this point. In the past, due to hoping that the painful times would not be prolonged, he had formed the habit of counting silently in his heart. But gradually, he discovered that his little clock was only a prop that he had used to avoid pain. Once he was surrounded by happiness, he didn’t need to remind himself of the passing of time second after second.
In a flash, the six of them had walked through many places side by side. From that cold, rustling winter when they had been stopped outside the red carpet, to the endless red carpet after red carpet, to the different but still similar awards ceremonies, they had won all kinds of awards and received all kinds of praise. They had taken a different path from the idol groups in the past, and by utilising their own strength and talent, held their position at the top. The storm never stopped, but their status was hard to shake.
In a flash, eight years had passed since Kaleido’s debut.
At the beginning of the year, Jiang Miao won the best actor award for his role as a fugitive wanted criminal, becoming the best developed idol who had transitioned successfully into an actor. He Ziyan had also starred in several hot T.V. series in a row, and had become known as one of the few young male actors who could support an audience and turn a series popular within the T.V. drama circle.
Ling Yi had devoted himself to his beloved musical career, while also becoming a regular MC on a national variety show, doing what he loved most. Lu Yuan’s dance troupe, after experiencing years of polishing under his leadership, had now become a first-class dance troupe in China and had won numerous global awards.
Pei Tingsong had taken part in a hip-hop competition three years ago, and had won second place in the program with his own ability. With this, he had managed to completely rid the public of the prejudice that as a member of a boyband, he shouldn’t be called a rapper. His two solo albums that were released later also caused great reverberations, and he was publicly acknowledged as a popular rapper. Fang Juexia, who had always been the most popular in the group, had focused on creating original music for the last few years. With his talent for controlling melodies, and releasing one solo album after another, he had successfully transformed from a boyband artist to an original singer and dancer, and had even held his own personal concert. The guest for both the first and last performances in that concert was Pei Tingsong.
He had wanted to own a stage since he was a child, so he kept burning non-stop, harnessing the brilliance of his own life on the stage.
Everyone in the group was heading along their predestined tracks. At the beginning, they had come to Kaleido for various reasons, and by chance, had become each other’s bandmates. They had condensed their different goals into one common goal and advanced together side-by-side. Later, they slowly dispersed onto their own tracks and revisited the past only to bring to life the dreams that they had thought impossible before.
Kaleido’s dream was composed of six completely different yet converging dreams. In the end, six different lights would shine from Kaleido’s kaleidoscope.
Not only were their own trajectories changing, but the trajectory of their environment was also gradually changing. Under the great efforts put in by people, equality and fearlessness in love came to be accepted by more and more people. Eventually, the long-awaited day when same-sex marriage was declared legal arrived.
The day before the bill was enacted into law, the six members of Kaleido decided to do something very meaningful. On the day that the law would come into force, a Pride parade and festival would be held. All of them had convinced Cheng Qiang to let them participate as ordinary supporters rather than as stars.
Cheng Qiang agreed to this, but he also had Fang Juexia remain behind in his office to have a chat with him.
Fang Juexia sat opposite him and looked at the pot of asparagus on Cheng Qiang’s desk. It was well raised; this gift that Fang Juexia had given Cheng Qiang when the group had debuted.
Cheng Qiang poured him a glass of water, and Fang Juexia had already guessed what Cheng Qiang was probably going to say.
In fact, as early as when they were filming the second season of the group ensemble show, Fang Juexia had already confessed about his relationship with Pei Tingsong to Cheng Qiang. He still remembered Cheng Qiang’s reaction back then; he had been holding a lighter to light a cigarette, but couldn’t get the lighter to ignite. Finally, he tucked the cigarette behind his ear and said to him—
“Calculating it all out, it was actually me who pushed you onto him.”
Fang Juexia didn’t expect his first reaction to be that. He laughed and said, “Yes ah, so you can’t object.”
Cheng Qiang didn’t object; he was such a nervous workaholic that he had even faintly suspected it a few times. When Fang Juexia asked him why he had suspected it, he just said, “Do you know how much you have changed since you guys started promoting fanservice for your CP? You have pretty much been like a different person altogether.”
A different person.
Fang Juexia lowered his eyes. At that moment, he could remember what he had been like when he had first debuted at 20 years old. He was so silent then that he couldn’t say a word except for when it came to his self introduction, his mind was filled with practice, practice, and more practice, and he didn’t have any hopes for the future at that time. He only pursued stability and was afraid of the possibility of losing control.
But now, he was no longer that person from before.
Even Cheng Qiang had commented “Saying this as a colleague, being with Xiao Pei is a thorny matter for you. No one knows what will happen in the future, and if you are exposed, or if you guys break up, it would all become very troublesome. But really, from the perspective of a Gege and a friend, I’m happy for you.”
Having been at Fang Juexia’s side for so many years, Cheng Qiang loved him the most out of the entire group.
“After getting together with him, you have become more like what you should have been. That alone is worth it.”
After that, Cheng Qiang didn’t say any more. He simply threw away his bad lighter and patted Fang Juexia on the shoulder, telling him to be careful and to wait for an opportunity to come out, and to let the company prepare for it beforehand.
Since then, five years had passed just like that.
“President Chen has agreed to let you guys participate in the Pride festival.”
Cheng Qiang’s words pulled him back from his trip down memory lane. Fang Juexia nodded. “President Chen didn’t say anything?”
Cheng Qiang shook his head. “He respects your guys’ ideas.” After that, he leaned against his chair, slapped the table twice, and said, “Speaking of that, are you two planning on coming out? You’ve already been together for around six years now.”
He didn’t expect Cheng Qiang to get to the point so quickly, but even if he was surprised, Fang Juexia didn’t refute his suggestion. “In fact, I always wanted to come out. It’s not because by coming out we would no longer have to hide, but that we would become an example.”
Seeing the doubts on Cheng Qiang’s face, he explained, “There are many people who, for various reasons, lack the courage to disclose their sexuality, and some even hide it for a lifetime. I hope that my coming out could allow these friends to gain more courage in facing themselves. “
With that, Fang Juexia let out a self-deprecating laugh. “That sounded really pretentious, so I will only utter that to you.
“And more than that, I have enough courage now to hold hands with him and stand together under the sun. So then, why don’t I be a bit more honest?”
Cheng Qiang had always felt that if one day they really came out, it would definitely be Pei Tingsong’s doing. It had been so long, and Pei Tingsong had still managed to keep this secret relationship under covers, so however he thought about it, it should have been Fang Juexia who had been the steadying factor. Now it seemed that he had thought wrong, and that it was actually the reverse situation.
Cheng Qiang laughed. “Did you know? Before I came to talk to you about it, I actually first went to find Xiao Pei. I talked to him for a long time, going on and on, and then I asked him, with your fierce personality, how come you’ve never had the inclination to not be able to stand it anymore and make everything public one fine day? What do you guess he replied with?”
Fang Juexia had some answers in his heart, but he wasn’t sure, so he shook his head. “What?”
“He told me that he wished to make everything about you two public everyday, that he wanted to let the world know that you belonged to him, but every single time he had such an idea, he restrained himself. Whenever such an impulse popped up in him, he would start to consider all the consequences and difficulties you guys would have to face after coming out, the pressure the group would face, whether you guys could bear it… In particular, it was you specifically, he simply couldn’t bear to let you face all that.”
Cheng Qiang repeated Pei Tingsong’s words, and he couldn’t help laughing. He knocked his finger on the desk. “Can you imagine it? Pei Tingsong actually taking the consequences into consideration before doing something? Actually worrying about whether what he said or did would have a bad impact, and actually being able to restrain himself from impulsively expressing something…”
As he spoke on about this, Cheng Qiang let out a long breath. “This child has also changed.” He looked up and pointed at Fang Juexia. “The two of you, it’s like you’ve switched.”
Fang Juexia didn’t know why, even though Cheng Qiang had just conveyed Pei Tingsong’s words, his mind filled with an image of Pei Tingsong sitting here in distress, enumerating the various possible scenes from the future with Cheng Qiang. Then his nose suddenly stung a bit.
Even with his eyes closed, he could imagine the expression on Pei Tingsong’s face when not being able to bear to do something.
“Yes ah,” Fang Juexia looked up and said with an open smile. “We have all changed.”
So it turned out that not only could love make a person try to be braver, but it could also let a person learn restraint.
Getting up from his chair, Fang Juexia pointed to the potted plant before he left. “This asparagus has grown so big, it’s time to change its pot.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know how to do it. What if I mess around, and it dies?”
Fang Juexia laughed. “Then I’ll take some time to help you change flowerpots ba.”
The same-sex marriage law was the most talked-about topic online currently, and the Pride march was also the biggest popular commemoration event of its kind. Both the number of participants and the degree of discussion about it online were very high.
The Kaleido members had publicly expressed their support for LGBT groups on many occasions, but this time, since it was a spontaneous popular event, they didn’t want to publicize themselves too much. So, on the day of the parade, all six of them dressed in a low-key manner, wearing the same white T-shirt as many other people, with a rainbow on their chest.
They painted a rainbow on their cheeks as well, and wearing hats and masks, mingled with the crowd. Ling Yi was even holding the sign that he had made, which said— ‘Love is love.’
That day, the weather was very nice; the sky was so blue that even the clouds looked soft as they floated around like creamy ornaments. The early summer sun was full, and the world, bathed in bright and fresh light, seemed to be soaked in translucent lemonade.
Under this blue sky billowed rainbow flags, the wonderful colors mixing together, as the summer wind blew them to their full length, blowing them into fluttering loudly, appearing gorgeous and full of hope for life.
The people in the crowd weren’t all the same. There were young people who were so open they were nearly exhibitionists, ordinary introverted college students, heterosexual couples who were showing their support, groups of people marginalized due to their sexuality who were bravely standing up to express themselves, and elderly parents who were supporting their children. All kinds of people gathered together and wore the same clothes to create a rainbow, one which becomes the summer’s most special scenery.
During the parade, people’s attention was focused on the celebration and revelry. There were many lovers in the crowd, boys with boys, boys with girls, girls with girls. They embraced and kissed each other fearlessly under the sun, just like every couple worthy of being blessed in the world.
Amongst the many happy ordinary lovers, Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong were not paid attention to, so they held each other’s hands.
But it was still too conspicuous to have all six of them grouped together. Later, they decided to split up, and Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong walked off together. There were many young girls in the crowd, and gradually, their gazes started to reflexively land on them. Many of these girls had already recognized them, even taking photos and posting them on Weibo.
“I saw someone taking pictures of us.” Pei Tingsong held Fang Juexia’s shoulder and waved the small flag Fang Juexia had stuck in his hand.
Fang Juexia glanced at him and threw all the blame on him. “It’s because you are too tall and conspicuous.”
Pei Tingsong pinched Fang Juexia’s face with the hand that held his shoulder. “This Gege, do you think that 1.8m isn’t eye-catching? How much better can it be than 1.9m?”
Fang Juexia could only hate the fact that he was wearing a mask, or else he may have already bitten someone’s hand by now.
Lu Yuan, who was walking beside them, joked, “A 1.9m embracing a 1.8m is the most eye-catching.”
Fang Juexia was amused into laughter by him, when he heard Pei Tingsong say, “It’s not, the most eye-catching feature is the giant, nearly 1.8m third wheel that’s following along.”
“Hey, I should have followed Two Fire and the rest, it’s really a case of eating until you’re way too full when walking along with you two.”
“We’re the ones who made you full, don’t put down your bowl and curse out your mother.”
“This guy, your mouth is really…”
Following the crowd as it moved forward while joking around, they ushered in the most exciting moment of the parade: when everyone followed the route to gather in the center of the square, where they waited in front of the big screen on the square for the news broadcast of the bill as it was turned into law.
Only when he stood in the crowd did Fang Juexia realize his own insignificance. He could hardly hear the announcement made by that man in a suit on the screen; what he heard were the calls and screams of everyone in the crowd. All of a sudden, many streamers appeared in the sky, flying freely.
With a bang, Fang Juexia instinctively raised his head and saw rainbow colored smoke spreading out in the blue sky above the crowd.
He held Pei Tingsong’s hand tightly, and it was like the first time they had held hands, uneasy, but still reluctant to let go.
The various lovers around them began to embrace in the midst of this grand revelry, and Fang Juexia, who wanted to say something, suddenly found himself tongue-tied.
Pei Tingsong grasped his shoulder and turned him around. It was noisy all around them, and everyone was immersed in joy. He took off his mask and drew closer to Fang Juexia to say, “I have been waiting for a memorable day this entire time to give you the gift I prepared three years ago.”
Confusion arose in Fang Juexia’s eyes.
“Do you remember what I said when I first confessed to you?” The next moment, Pei Tingsong took his hand in the midst of the noisy crowd. “I very carefully selected a point on that number axis. At that time, I thought that as long as this point could accept me, I would be the happiest person in the world. But gradually, I became more and more greedy.”
Pei Tingsong’s eyes were very bright, and his pupils reflected the colorful crowd surrounding Fang Juexia’s clean face.
“Now, I want to circle this point and let him belong to me forever.”
With that, he opened his hand, and in his palm lay two platinum diamond rings, shining with silvery light. Pei Tingsong picked up one of them and gave the other one to him. He was so nervous that his hands were shaking, out of fear that he would drop the ring.
“God, I definitely couldn’t have imagined this before, that one day I would say such tacky words, and that I’ve been looking forward to this day for three years now.”
Fang Juexia wanted to laugh, and he also wanted to cry. At this moment, Pei Tingsong, who was already 26 years old, smiled like a child.
Pei Tingsong held his hand, and his smile turned calmer and more solemn. He took a deep breath and exhaled very hard. He was more nervous now than the moment before he went onstage.
“Mr. Fang Juexia, are you willing to be together forever with Pei Tingsong in another form?”
Not ‘to marry me,’ but ‘to be together forever.’ Fang Juexia liked this expression, but he made a little joke while picking up the ring from his hand. “Another form….like what?”
“Like…” Pei Tingsong laughed. “My love, my husband, whatever you like is fine.”
“I only like you,” said Fang Juexia as he dropped his eyes. He accidentally caught a glimpse of the pattern on the inner circle of the ring; it was a small boat.
“I drew that, but it’s just that I’m not good at drawing, so I had to practice for a long time.” Pei Tingsong was very honest. “My ability is limited, and the material isn’t right, but my family’s Theseus is actually very beautiful.”
Fang Juexia showed a smile, gave him his ring finger, and nodded very solemnly. He only uttered two words after that, which were the two words that Pei Tingsong had most wanted to hear, and the ones that he was the most nervous for, “I do.”
Pei Tingsong’s expression was so relieved that he couldn’t hide it at all. His hands even shook when they exchanged rings.
“You’re not allowed to take it back; I will not be your little boyfriend in the future.” Pei Tingsong pulled him into his arms. “I’m your fiance now.”
Fang Juexia also hugged him and nodded in his embrace. They were buried in the midst of the happy crowd, wrapped in ribbons and rainbow light, ordinary and jumping for joy. He faintly felt Pei Tingsong gently kiss him on the top of his hair, and he knew that this was the action that Pei Tingsong dared to do only after repeatedly restraining himself again and again.
So he let go of the hug, wanting to give Pei Tingsong something even more.
Standing slightly on tiptoe, Fang Juexia wrapped his arms around his neck. “I love you, Pei Tingsong.”
Amidst the bustling crowd and the rainbow roaming the sky, he smiled as he kissed him.
This kiss was completely out of Pei Tingsong’s expectations. He was even stunned for a second before he embraced Fang Juexia tightly and kissed him back deeply. After the kiss, he picked Fang Juexia up and twirled him around several times.
What worldly eyes, what star status, what did he care about that?
From today on, they were no longer what they used to be.
Let alone the other people who recognized them, even Lu Yuan, who was standing to the side, couldn’t help taking a picture of this moment with his cellphone. He was completely indulging in the experience of eating fluff from a first-person perspective. After the parade ended, the six of them gathered together again and sneaked out of the crowd to celebrate the success of their maknae’s marriage proposal in the restaurant that Jiang Miao had reserved a long time ago.
“We should have been seen by a lot of people.” When the appetizers arrived, Ling Yi said casually, “I saw a boy taking a picture of me.”
“Maybe it’s purely because he thought you were very cute hahahaha.”
They had guessed that they would be discovered participating in the event before, but in fact, the six of them were discovered earlier than they had thought, and had already caused an uproar online.
Kaleido, who was already a top group, showing up in the crowd would already be enough for netizens to talk about, not to mention the kiss shared by Pei Tingsong and Fang Juexia at the end of the revelry.
After the photos and videos from passers-by’s perspectives were posted, Weibo collapsed. Star Chart’s phone had already exploded, even though they had already prepared in advance.
Under the efforts of the programmers in frantically repairing things, Weibo barely managed to go online again, where the fanservice started up again. Obviously, #Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong’s kiss# was worthy of being at the top of the Hot Search list. Its popularity was terrifying, with the page becoming laggy as soon as someone scrolled through it. The Weibo post that had first released the video had already been forwarded 130,000 times and had 140,000 comments.
Over the years, even though the TingJue CP wasn’t known to everyone nationally, anyone who had ever gotten involved with boybands knew that this pair was so widely read about that even their CP fans had to help press against the closet door every day, and that it was an insurmountable mountain in the CP world. However, most passers-by had already assumed that “they’re just doing fanservice” and seldom really thought about it. So when they saw this kissing video, the public was shocked, but they also had some unexpected feelings.
CP fans didn’t suffer less of an impact than anyone else. When several big fan stations forwarded this video, the TingJue girls went crazy.
[@TingJue is real: It’s like a dream when I’m looking at my ID now, I’ve really had many similar dreams to this!]
[@Follow me straight into deafness: I don’t even dare to say I’m deaf, I’ve already gone crazy, okay!]
[@Liking TingJue all my life: Wuwuwuwuwuwu, I directly started crying when I watched this video, I’m definitely not alone in this!]
However, there were still a lot of people who insisted that “they hadn’t admitted it publicly,” and so it didn’t count. The discussion mounted, and more and more voices chimed in. Just in time when the media workers got off work, Pei Tingsong went on Weibo and went through all the Weibo posts made by those who had photographed them kissing to select the most beautiful one, then posted it on his Weibo.
[@Kaleido Pei Tingsong: I stole the picture, but the person in the picture is mine [picture]]
Just as he made his Weibo post, Fang Juexia also posted a photo on his Weibo. It was from five years ago, when they were on a Maldives beach. Fang Juexia had written FJX & PTS on the white beach with his finger, encircled it with a heart, and put a white eustoma there.
[@Kaleido Fang Juexia: [shared a picture]]
These two Weibo posts almost caused Weibo to collapse again. The number one entry on the Hot Search list changed from #Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong’s kiss# to #Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong go public#. This was a first for any boyband, with a member officially announcing that there was a lover, and that lover was his own bandmate.
Their other bandmates also weren’t idle. These two posts were tossed back and forth, with someone here saying a few words of blessings, and someone there clamoring for all of them to chip in for the wedding present. Ling Yi directly posted a long string of crying emoticons on his side account, saying that he was reluctant to give up his roommate, for which he was then teased by netizens with the words— ‘What you’re reluctant to give up is the best handyman in the world.’
The popularity of the going public was very high. For several days in a row, they remained on the Hot Search list. After collapsing, their CP fans finally reached the top of the food chain overnight. At last, they could swagger around as they arranged all their fluffy moments from the start of their fanservice, edit them into videos, and arrange them into long threads.
One big-name CP fan even said on their Weibo that they couldn’t help but shed tears while sorting out the past. It turned out that there had been this many traces of tenderness and sweetness right in front of them.
On the third day after they went public, Fang Juexia participated in the publicity event for his third solo album as he would do normally, an event which lasted for two hours. Now, he could already be on his own when it came to such events.
While playing a game similar to ‘Truth and Dare,’ he drew a small dare.
“Please make public a WeChat name you once used.”
Fang Juexia thought about it. “That’s actually very interesting. People have always been interested in my previous WeChat name.”
The host raised his eyebrow with interest. “Is that right? What is it?”
“Non-differential life, or 不可导人生.” Fang Juexia explained further, “I’ve used this name since I was in high school, and it’s the online ID that has been with me for the longest time.”
“Why did you come up with such a name?”
Fang Juexia smiled calmly. “Many people should know about this, but I once made everything about my family public. My father’s change was a turning point in my life, which made my life suddenly go from being a smooth curve into a line going straight downwards. That point was very sharp and spanned a long time in my life, so I couldn’t let it go.
“In math, when it comes to curves, the left and right derivatives of a distinct corner are not equal, and they are not differentiable, so I came up with this name as a warning for myself.”
The host nodded thoughtfully, then showed a smile of some gratification. “So, you’ve already changed it now, right?”
Fang Juexia nodded. “That’s right.”
The interview reached its end, and the atmosphere throughout had always been pretty good. Finally, and Fang Juexia had actually guessed that it would be like this, the host inevitably raised a question about love. After all, this was the first public appearance of one of the parties since the official announcement. No matter which media outlet it was, they should all want to seize this rare opportunity.
“Because you, Juexia, recently disclosed your love affair with one of your bandmates, everyone was very shocked. Of course, there were many well-wishers for you guys as well, and we would like to know what you thought about this relationship, or is there anything you can share with us about this relationship?”
Cheng Qiang, who was standing to the side, was a little helpless and wanted to help him block the question, but Fang Juexia directly shook his head. “It’s okay, Qiang Ge.
“About this relationship…. Let me think, I haven’t prepared at all for this.” In front of the camera, his face, which had always been calm, and even a little cold, showed a very gentle smile. At this moment, the host sitting opposite him really felt that this smile was this person’s sincere smile, and not something being put out for fanservice.
A moment later, Fang Juexia started to speak again, “I thought of the question just now, the one about my WeChat name; speaking of this, it really has something to do with my love life.”
“Oh? So it’s because of love that you changed your WeChat name?” The host made a little joke to liven up the atmosphere. “It can’t be that you changed it to something differentiable?”
Fang Juexia laughed out loud, a little childish. “You guessed right.” Seated in the chair, he fell into the calm expression that he only wore when he was thinking. “Friends who have studied derivatives should know that there are several kinds of points that are non-differentiable.”
He guessed that when Pei Tingsong saw his next words, he might laughingly complain that he was being Teacher Fang. Because of this, the corners of Fang Juexia’s mouth raised slightly.
He stretched his hand to point out an example. “Like the distinct corner I just mentioned, or another example is… a discontinuous point, that is, a curve that suddenly breaks away at a certain point, that point is also non-differentiable, as it makes the curve non-continuous. Another such example is undefined points, such as those with a zero denominator or points with infinite derivatives, these are all non-differentiable points.”
The host nodded. “I more or less understand…”
Fang Juexia looked at him and said, “You must feel that this is all very strange right now, what mess am I talking about, what does it have to do with today’s question?”
The host laughed.
“In fact, I have always thought that mathematics towers over the logical world, but it can also be used to build real-world rules, even in the most complex, difficult life. These non-differentiable points are like all the different frustrations and imperfections we encounter in life. We all want the curves of our lives to be smooth, continuous, and without regrets, but that’s too difficult.”
Fang Juexia’s voice held a bit of a sigh in it, but soon, there was a brighter light in his eyes.
As he thought, he tried hard to organize his words. He spoke slowly and seemed more gentle. “But I was very lucky that that person just appeared. He softened the sharpest scars in my life, filled the holes and gaps in the curve of my life, let me summon up the courage to define the emotions that I had avoided and even felt unworthy of defining before, and also reversed the infinite darkness that had once enveloped me.”
He looked down, chuckled, and lovingly said his lover’s name. “Because of Pei Tingsong, the curve of my life has become continuous and smooth, and it also became worth looking forward to.”
These words really moved people, and even the host’s face was full of sincere happiness. “It’s really precious to have this kind of person who can change you.”
Hearing this, Fang Juexia nodded in approval. “I have always thought that the most precious things in this world are dreams and love. But I seem to be a little luckier, because my lover is my bandmate who works side by side with me and accompanies me in realizing my dream.
“The two have overlapped. For me, this is the best result.”
Translated by juurensha
Edited by Noks
Derivative Life Curve.
Time was always subjective.
Fang Juexia finally recognized this point. In the past, due to hoping that the painful times would not be prolonged, he had formed the habit of counting silently in his heart. But gradually, he discovered that his little clock was only a prop that he had used to avoid pain. Once he was surrounded by happiness, he didn’t need to remind himself of the passing of time second after second.
In a flash, the six of them had walked through many places side by side. From that cold, rustling winter when they had been stopped outside the red carpet, to the endless red carpet after red carpet, to the different but still similar awards ceremonies, they had won all kinds of awards and received all kinds of praise. They had taken a different path from the idol groups in the past, and by utilising their own strength and talent, held their position at the top. The storm never stopped, but their status was hard to shake.
In a flash, eight years had passed since Kaleido’s debut.
At the beginning of the year, Jiang Miao won the best actor award for his role as a fugitive wanted criminal, becoming the best developed idol who had transitioned successfully into an actor. He Ziyan had also starred in several hot T.V. series in a row, and had become known as one of the few young male actors who could support an audience and turn a series popular within the T.V. drama circle.
Ling Yi had devoted himself to his beloved musical career, while also becoming a regular MC on a national variety show, doing what he loved most. Lu Yuan’s dance troupe, after experiencing years of polishing under his leadership, had now become a first-class dance troupe in China and had won numerous global awards.
Pei Tingsong had taken part in a hip-hop competition three years ago, and had won second place in the program with his own ability. With this, he had managed to completely rid the public of the prejudice that as a member of a boyband, he shouldn’t be called a rapper. His two solo albums that were released later also caused great reverberations, and he was publicly acknowledged as a popular rapper. Fang Juexia, who had always been the most popular in the group, had focused on creating original music for the last few years. With his talent for controlling melodies, and releasing one solo album after another, he had successfully transformed from a boyband artist to an original singer and dancer, and had even held his own personal concert. The guest for both the first and last performances in that concert was Pei Tingsong.
He had wanted to own a stage since he was a child, so he kept burning non-stop, harnessing the brilliance of his own life on the stage.
Everyone in the group was heading along their predestined tracks. At the beginning, they had come to Kaleido for various reasons, and by chance, had become each other’s bandmates. They had condensed their different goals into one common goal and advanced together side-by-side. Later, they slowly dispersed onto their own tracks and revisited the past only to bring to life the dreams that they had thought impossible before.
Kaleido’s dream was composed of six completely different yet converging dreams. In the end, six different lights would shine from Kaleido’s kaleidoscope.
Not only were their own trajectories changing, but the trajectory of their environment was also gradually changing. Under the great efforts put in by people, equality and fearlessness in love came to be accepted by more and more people. Eventually, the long-awaited day when same-sex marriage was declared legal arrived.
The day before the bill was enacted into law, the six members of Kaleido decided to do something very meaningful. On the day that the law would come into force, a Pride parade and festival would be held. All of them had convinced Cheng Qiang to let them participate as ordinary supporters rather than as stars.
Cheng Qiang agreed to this, but he also had Fang Juexia remain behind in his office to have a chat with him.
Fang Juexia sat opposite him and looked at the pot of asparagus on Cheng Qiang’s desk. It was well raised; this gift that Fang Juexia had given Cheng Qiang when the group had debuted.
Cheng Qiang poured him a glass of water, and Fang Juexia had already guessed what Cheng Qiang was probably going to say.
In fact, as early as when they were filming the second season of the group ensemble show, Fang Juexia had already confessed about his relationship with Pei Tingsong to Cheng Qiang. He still remembered Cheng Qiang’s reaction back then; he had been holding a lighter to light a cigarette, but couldn’t get the lighter to ignite. Finally, he tucked the cigarette behind his ear and said to him—
“Calculating it all out, it was actually me who pushed you onto him.”
Fang Juexia didn’t expect his first reaction to be that. He laughed and said, “Yes ah, so you can’t object.”
Cheng Qiang didn’t object; he was such a nervous workaholic that he had even faintly suspected it a few times. When Fang Juexia asked him why he had suspected it, he just said, “Do you know how much you have changed since you guys started promoting fanservice for your CP? You have pretty much been like a different person altogether.”
A different person.
Fang Juexia lowered his eyes. At that moment, he could remember what he had been like when he had first debuted at 20 years old. He was so silent then that he couldn’t say a word except for when it came to his self introduction, his mind was filled with practice, practice, and more practice, and he didn’t have any hopes for the future at that time. He only pursued stability and was afraid of the possibility of losing control.
But now, he was no longer that person from before.
Even Cheng Qiang had commented “Saying this as a colleague, being with Xiao Pei is a thorny matter for you. No one knows what will happen in the future, and if you are exposed, or if you guys break up, it would all become very troublesome. But really, from the perspective of a Gege and a friend, I’m happy for you.”
Having been at Fang Juexia’s side for so many years, Cheng Qiang loved him the most out of the entire group.
“After getting together with him, you have become more like what you should have been. That alone is worth it.”
After that, Cheng Qiang didn’t say any more. He simply threw away his bad lighter and patted Fang Juexia on the shoulder, telling him to be careful and to wait for an opportunity to come out, and to let the company prepare for it beforehand.
Since then, five years had passed just like that.
“President Chen has agreed to let you guys participate in the Pride festival.”
Cheng Qiang’s words pulled him back from his trip down memory lane. Fang Juexia nodded. “President Chen didn’t say anything?”
Cheng Qiang shook his head. “He respects your guys’ ideas.” After that, he leaned against his chair, slapped the table twice, and said, “Speaking of that, are you two planning on coming out? You’ve already been together for around six years now.”
He didn’t expect Cheng Qiang to get to the point so quickly, but even if he was surprised, Fang Juexia didn’t refute his suggestion. “In fact, I always wanted to come out. It’s not because by coming out we would no longer have to hide, but that we would become an example.”
Seeing the doubts on Cheng Qiang’s face, he explained, “There are many people who, for various reasons, lack the courage to disclose their sexuality, and some even hide it for a lifetime. I hope that my coming out could allow these friends to gain more courage in facing themselves. “
With that, Fang Juexia let out a self-deprecating laugh. “That sounded really pretentious, so I will only utter that to you.
“And more than that, I have enough courage now to hold hands with him and stand together under the sun. So then, why don’t I be a bit more honest?”
Cheng Qiang had always felt that if one day they really came out, it would definitely be Pei Tingsong’s doing. It had been so long, and Pei Tingsong had still managed to keep this secret relationship under covers, so however he thought about it, it should have been Fang Juexia who had been the steadying factor. Now it seemed that he had thought wrong, and that it was actually the reverse situation.
Cheng Qiang laughed. “Did you know? Before I came to talk to you about it, I actually first went to find Xiao Pei. I talked to him for a long time, going on and on, and then I asked him, with your fierce personality, how come you’ve never had the inclination to not be able to stand it anymore and make everything public one fine day? What do you guess he replied with?”
Fang Juexia had some answers in his heart, but he wasn’t sure, so he shook his head. “What?”
“He told me that he wished to make everything about you two public everyday, that he wanted to let the world know that you belonged to him, but every single time he had such an idea, he restrained himself. Whenever such an impulse popped up in him, he would start to consider all the consequences and difficulties you guys would have to face after coming out, the pressure the group would face, whether you guys could bear it… In particular, it was you specifically, he simply couldn’t bear to let you face all that.”
Cheng Qiang repeated Pei Tingsong’s words, and he couldn’t help laughing. He knocked his finger on the desk. “Can you imagine it? Pei Tingsong actually taking the consequences into consideration before doing something? Actually worrying about whether what he said or did would have a bad impact, and actually being able to restrain himself from impulsively expressing something…”
As he spoke on about this, Cheng Qiang let out a long breath. “This child has also changed.” He looked up and pointed at Fang Juexia. “The two of you, it’s like you’ve switched.”
Fang Juexia didn’t know why, even though Cheng Qiang had just conveyed Pei Tingsong’s words, his mind filled with an image of Pei Tingsong sitting here in distress, enumerating the various possible scenes from the future with Cheng Qiang. Then his nose suddenly stung a bit.
Even with his eyes closed, he could imagine the expression on Pei Tingsong’s face when not being able to bear to do something.
“Yes ah,” Fang Juexia looked up and said with an open smile. “We have all changed.”
So it turned out that not only could love make a person try to be braver, but it could also let a person learn restraint.
Getting up from his chair, Fang Juexia pointed to the potted plant before he left. “This asparagus has grown so big, it’s time to change its pot.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know how to do it. What if I mess around, and it dies?”
Fang Juexia laughed. “Then I’ll take some time to help you change flowerpots ba.”
The same-sex marriage law was the most talked-about topic online currently, and the Pride march was also the biggest popular commemoration event of its kind. Both the number of participants and the degree of discussion about it online were very high.
The Kaleido members had publicly expressed their support for LGBT groups on many occasions, but this time, since it was a spontaneous popular event, they didn’t want to publicize themselves too much. So, on the day of the parade, all six of them dressed in a low-key manner, wearing the same white T-shirt as many other people, with a rainbow on their chest.
They painted a rainbow on their cheeks as well, and wearing hats and masks, mingled with the crowd. Ling Yi was even holding the sign that he had made, which said— ‘Love is love.’
That day, the weather was very nice; the sky was so blue that even the clouds looked soft as they floated around like creamy ornaments. The early summer sun was full, and the world, bathed in bright and fresh light, seemed to be soaked in translucent lemonade.
Under this blue sky billowed rainbow flags, the wonderful colors mixing together, as the summer wind blew them to their full length, blowing them into fluttering loudly, appearing gorgeous and full of hope for life.
The people in the crowd weren’t all the same. There were young people who were so open they were nearly exhibitionists, ordinary introverted college students, heterosexual couples who were showing their support, groups of people marginalized due to their sexuality who were bravely standing up to express themselves, and elderly parents who were supporting their children. All kinds of people gathered together and wore the same clothes to create a rainbow, one which becomes the summer’s most special scenery.
During the parade, people’s attention was focused on the celebration and revelry. There were many lovers in the crowd, boys with boys, boys with girls, girls with girls. They embraced and kissed each other fearlessly under the sun, just like every couple worthy of being blessed in the world.
Amongst the many happy ordinary lovers, Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong were not paid attention to, so they held each other’s hands.
But it was still too conspicuous to have all six of them grouped together. Later, they decided to split up, and Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong walked off together. There were many young girls in the crowd, and gradually, their gazes started to reflexively land on them. Many of these girls had already recognized them, even taking photos and posting them on Weibo.
“I saw someone taking pictures of us.” Pei Tingsong held Fang Juexia’s shoulder and waved the small flag Fang Juexia had stuck in his hand.
Fang Juexia glanced at him and threw all the blame on him. “It’s because you are too tall and conspicuous.”
Pei Tingsong pinched Fang Juexia’s face with the hand that held his shoulder. “This Gege, do you think that 1.8m isn’t eye-catching? How much better can it be than 1.9m?”
Fang Juexia could only hate the fact that he was wearing a mask, or else he may have already bitten someone’s hand by now.
Lu Yuan, who was walking beside them, joked, “A 1.9m embracing a 1.8m is the most eye-catching.”
Fang Juexia was amused into laughter by him, when he heard Pei Tingsong say, “It’s not, the most eye-catching feature is the giant, nearly 1.8m third wheel that’s following along.”
“Hey, I should have followed Two Fire and the rest, it’s really a case of eating until you’re way too full when walking along with you two.”
“We’re the ones who made you full, don’t put down your bowl and curse out your mother.”
“This guy, your mouth is really…”
Following the crowd as it moved forward while joking around, they ushered in the most exciting moment of the parade: when everyone followed the route to gather in the center of the square, where they waited in front of the big screen on the square for the news broadcast of the bill as it was turned into law.
Only when he stood in the crowd did Fang Juexia realize his own insignificance. He could hardly hear the announcement made by that man in a suit on the screen; what he heard were the calls and screams of everyone in the crowd. All of a sudden, many streamers appeared in the sky, flying freely.
With a bang, Fang Juexia instinctively raised his head and saw rainbow colored smoke spreading out in the blue sky above the crowd.
He held Pei Tingsong’s hand tightly, and it was like the first time they had held hands, uneasy, but still reluctant to let go.
The various lovers around them began to embrace in the midst of this grand revelry, and Fang Juexia, who wanted to say something, suddenly found himself tongue-tied.
Pei Tingsong grasped his shoulder and turned him around. It was noisy all around them, and everyone was immersed in joy. He took off his mask and drew closer to Fang Juexia to say, “I have been waiting for a memorable day this entire time to give you the gift I prepared three years ago.”
Confusion arose in Fang Juexia’s eyes.
“Do you remember what I said when I first confessed to you?” The next moment, Pei Tingsong took his hand in the midst of the noisy crowd. “I very carefully selected a point on that number axis. At that time, I thought that as long as this point could accept me, I would be the happiest person in the world. But gradually, I became more and more greedy.”
Pei Tingsong’s eyes were very bright, and his pupils reflected the colorful crowd surrounding Fang Juexia’s clean face.
“Now, I want to circle this point and let him belong to me forever.”
With that, he opened his hand, and in his palm lay two platinum diamond rings, shining with silvery light. Pei Tingsong picked up one of them and gave the other one to him. He was so nervous that his hands were shaking, out of fear that he would drop the ring.
“God, I definitely couldn’t have imagined this before, that one day I would say such tacky words, and that I’ve been looking forward to this day for three years now.”
Fang Juexia wanted to laugh, and he also wanted to cry. At this moment, Pei Tingsong, who was already 26 years old, smiled like a child.
Pei Tingsong held his hand, and his smile turned calmer and more solemn. He took a deep breath and exhaled very hard. He was more nervous now than the moment before he went onstage.
“Mr. Fang Juexia, are you willing to be together forever with Pei Tingsong in another form?”
Not ‘to marry me,’ but ‘to be together forever.’ Fang Juexia liked this expression, but he made a little joke while picking up the ring from his hand. “Another form….like what?”
“Like…” Pei Tingsong laughed. “My love, my husband, whatever you like is fine.”
“I only like you,” said Fang Juexia as he dropped his eyes. He accidentally caught a glimpse of the pattern on the inner circle of the ring; it was a small boat.
“I drew that, but it’s just that I’m not good at drawing, so I had to practice for a long time.” Pei Tingsong was very honest. “My ability is limited, and the material isn’t right, but my family’s Theseus is actually very beautiful.”
Fang Juexia showed a smile, gave him his ring finger, and nodded very solemnly. He only uttered two words after that, which were the two words that Pei Tingsong had most wanted to hear, and the ones that he was the most nervous for, “I do.”
Pei Tingsong’s expression was so relieved that he couldn’t hide it at all. His hands even shook when they exchanged rings.
“You’re not allowed to take it back; I will not be your little boyfriend in the future.” Pei Tingsong pulled him into his arms. “I’m your fiance now.”
Fang Juexia also hugged him and nodded in his embrace. They were buried in the midst of the happy crowd, wrapped in ribbons and rainbow light, ordinary and jumping for joy. He faintly felt Pei Tingsong gently kiss him on the top of his hair, and he knew that this was the action that Pei Tingsong dared to do only after repeatedly restraining himself again and again.
So he let go of the hug, wanting to give Pei Tingsong something even more.
Standing slightly on tiptoe, Fang Juexia wrapped his arms around his neck. “I love you, Pei Tingsong.”
Amidst the bustling crowd and the rainbow roaming the sky, he smiled as he kissed him.
This kiss was completely out of Pei Tingsong’s expectations. He was even stunned for a second before he embraced Fang Juexia tightly and kissed him back deeply. After the kiss, he picked Fang Juexia up and twirled him around several times.
What worldly eyes, what star status, what did he care about that?
From today on, they were no longer what they used to be.
Let alone the other people who recognized them, even Lu Yuan, who was standing to the side, couldn’t help taking a picture of this moment with his cellphone. He was completely indulging in the experience of eating fluff from a first-person perspective. After the parade ended, the six of them gathered together again and sneaked out of the crowd to celebrate the success of their maknae’s marriage proposal in the restaurant that Jiang Miao had reserved a long time ago.
“We should have been seen by a lot of people.” When the appetizers arrived, Ling Yi said casually, “I saw a boy taking a picture of me.”
“Maybe it’s purely because he thought you were very cute hahahaha.”
They had guessed that they would be discovered participating in the event before, but in fact, the six of them were discovered earlier than they had thought, and had already caused an uproar online.
Kaleido, who was already a top group, showing up in the crowd would already be enough for netizens to talk about, not to mention the kiss shared by Pei Tingsong and Fang Juexia at the end of the revelry.
After the photos and videos from passers-by’s perspectives were posted, Weibo collapsed. Star Chart’s phone had already exploded, even though they had already prepared in advance.
Under the efforts of the programmers in frantically repairing things, Weibo barely managed to go online again, where the fanservice started up again. Obviously, #Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong’s kiss# was worthy of being at the top of the Hot Search list. Its popularity was terrifying, with the page becoming laggy as soon as someone scrolled through it. The Weibo post that had first released the video had already been forwarded 130,000 times and had 140,000 comments.
Over the years, even though the TingJue CP wasn’t known to everyone nationally, anyone who had ever gotten involved with boybands knew that this pair was so widely read about that even their CP fans had to help press against the closet door every day, and that it was an insurmountable mountain in the CP world. However, most passers-by had already assumed that “they’re just doing fanservice” and seldom really thought about it. So when they saw this kissing video, the public was shocked, but they also had some unexpected feelings.
CP fans didn’t suffer less of an impact than anyone else. When several big fan stations forwarded this video, the TingJue girls went crazy.
[@TingJue is real: It’s like a dream when I’m looking at my ID now, I’ve really had many similar dreams to this!]
[@Follow me straight into deafness: I don’t even dare to say I’m deaf, I’ve already gone crazy, okay!]
[@Liking TingJue all my life: Wuwuwuwuwuwu, I directly started crying when I watched this video, I’m definitely not alone in this!]
However, there were still a lot of people who insisted that “they hadn’t admitted it publicly,” and so it didn’t count. The discussion mounted, and more and more voices chimed in. Just in time when the media workers got off work, Pei Tingsong went on Weibo and went through all the Weibo posts made by those who had photographed them kissing to select the most beautiful one, then posted it on his Weibo.
[@Kaleido Pei Tingsong: I stole the picture, but the person in the picture is mine [picture]]
Just as he made his Weibo post, Fang Juexia also posted a photo on his Weibo. It was from five years ago, when they were on a Maldives beach. Fang Juexia had written FJX & PTS on the white beach with his finger, encircled it with a heart, and put a white eustoma there.
[@Kaleido Fang Juexia: [shared a picture]]
These two Weibo posts almost caused Weibo to collapse again. The number one entry on the Hot Search list changed from #Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong’s kiss# to #Fang Juexia and Pei Tingsong go public#. This was a first for any boyband, with a member officially announcing that there was a lover, and that lover was his own bandmate.
Their other bandmates also weren’t idle. These two posts were tossed back and forth, with someone here saying a few words of blessings, and someone there clamoring for all of them to chip in for the wedding present. Ling Yi directly posted a long string of crying emoticons on his side account, saying that he was reluctant to give up his roommate, for which he was then teased by netizens with the words— ‘What you’re reluctant to give up is the best handyman in the world.’
The popularity of the going public was very high. For several days in a row, they remained on the Hot Search list. After collapsing, their CP fans finally reached the top of the food chain overnight. At last, they could swagger around as they arranged all their fluffy moments from the start of their fanservice, edit them into videos, and arrange them into long threads.
One big-name CP fan even said on their Weibo that they couldn’t help but shed tears while sorting out the past. It turned out that there had been this many traces of tenderness and sweetness right in front of them.
On the third day after they went public, Fang Juexia participated in the publicity event for his third solo album as he would do normally, an event which lasted for two hours. Now, he could already be on his own when it came to such events.
While playing a game similar to ‘Truth and Dare,’ he drew a small dare.
“Please make public a WeChat name you once used.”
Fang Juexia thought about it. “That’s actually very interesting. People have always been interested in my previous WeChat name.”
The host raised his eyebrow with interest. “Is that right? What is it?”
“Non-differential life, or 不可导人生.” Fang Juexia explained further, “I’ve used this name since I was in high school, and it’s the online ID that has been with me for the longest time.”
“Why did you come up with such a name?”
Fang Juexia smiled calmly. “Many people should know about this, but I once made everything about my family public. My father’s change was a turning point in my life, which made my life suddenly go from being a smooth curve into a line going straight downwards. That point was very sharp and spanned a long time in my life, so I couldn’t let it go.
“In math, when it comes to curves, the left and right derivatives of a distinct corner are not equal, and they are not differentiable, so I came up with this name as a warning for myself.”
The host nodded thoughtfully, then showed a smile of some gratification. “So, you’ve already changed it now, right?”
Fang Juexia nodded. “That’s right.”
The interview reached its end, and the atmosphere throughout had always been pretty good. Finally, and Fang Juexia had actually guessed that it would be like this, the host inevitably raised a question about love. After all, this was the first public appearance of one of the parties since the official announcement. No matter which media outlet it was, they should all want to seize this rare opportunity.
“Because you, Juexia, recently disclosed your love affair with one of your bandmates, everyone was very shocked. Of course, there were many well-wishers for you guys as well, and we would like to know what you thought about this relationship, or is there anything you can share with us about this relationship?”
Cheng Qiang, who was standing to the side, was a little helpless and wanted to help him block the question, but Fang Juexia directly shook his head. “It’s okay, Qiang Ge.
“About this relationship…. Let me think, I haven’t prepared at all for this.” In front of the camera, his face, which had always been calm, and even a little cold, showed a very gentle smile. At this moment, the host sitting opposite him really felt that this smile was this person’s sincere smile, and not something being put out for fanservice.
A moment later, Fang Juexia started to speak again, “I thought of the question just now, the one about my WeChat name; speaking of this, it really has something to do with my love life.”
“Oh? So it’s because of love that you changed your WeChat name?” The host made a little joke to liven up the atmosphere. “It can’t be that you changed it to something differentiable?”
Fang Juexia laughed out loud, a little childish. “You guessed right.” Seated in the chair, he fell into the calm expression that he only wore when he was thinking. “Friends who have studied derivatives should know that there are several kinds of points that are non-differentiable.”
He guessed that when Pei Tingsong saw his next words, he might laughingly complain that he was being Teacher Fang. Because of this, the corners of Fang Juexia’s mouth raised slightly.
He stretched his hand to point out an example. “Like the distinct corner I just mentioned, or another example is… a discontinuous point, that is, a curve that suddenly breaks away at a certain point, that point is also non-differentiable, as it makes the curve non-continuous. Another such example is undefined points, such as those with a zero denominator or points with infinite derivatives, these are all non-differentiable points.”
The host nodded. “I more or less understand…”
Fang Juexia looked at him and said, “You must feel that this is all very strange right now, what mess am I talking about, what does it have to do with today’s question?”
The host laughed.
“In fact, I have always thought that mathematics towers over the logical world, but it can also be used to build real-world rules, even in the most complex, difficult life. These non-differentiable points are like all the different frustrations and imperfections we encounter in life. We all want the curves of our lives to be smooth, continuous, and without regrets, but that’s too difficult.”
Fang Juexia’s voice held a bit of a sigh in it, but soon, there was a brighter light in his eyes.
As he thought, he tried hard to organize his words. He spoke slowly and seemed more gentle. “But I was very lucky that that person just appeared. He softened the sharpest scars in my life, filled the holes and gaps in the curve of my life, let me summon up the courage to define the emotions that I had avoided and even felt unworthy of defining before, and also reversed the infinite darkness that had once enveloped me.”
He looked down, chuckled, and lovingly said his lover’s name. “Because of Pei Tingsong, the curve of my life has become continuous and smooth, and it also became worth looking forward to.”
These words really moved people, and even the host’s face was full of sincere happiness. “It’s really precious to have this kind of person who can change you.”
Hearing this, Fang Juexia nodded in approval. “I have always thought that the most precious things in this world are dreams and love. But I seem to be a little luckier, because my lover is my bandmate who works side by side with me and accompanies me in realizing my dream.
“The two have overlapped. For me, this is the best result.”
