Translated by juurensha
Edited by Noks
The only thing I can do is scrape the poison off of the bone.
Fang Juexia clenched his fists tightly, his emotions surging up as soon as he heard about this matter, almost drowning him.
But he soon became rational. When he looked up at Cheng Qiang, a trace of regret appeared in his heart.
“I’m sorry, Qiang Ge. I kept trying to prepare to confess this entire matter to you, but this entire time, I haven’t found a suitable opportunity to do so.”
Cheng Qiang was really surprised to see this news at first, but the recent storms had honed his endurance. He pulled them into the office, made them sit down, and then said, “It’s also very hard for you to speak on this private matter, and right now, they still haven’t directly exposed us, so there is still room for us to maneuver. Let’s hold off the other side first; the company has to discuss such a large PR expense required to suppress this news, so the other party shouldn’t announce it immediately.”
“Qiang Ge,” Pei Tingsong said, “send me that anonymous email, and I’ll have someone investigate it.”
Cheng Qiang nodded. “Alright, I’ll contact the PR team.”
“I’ll come along with you,” Pei Tingsong said as he lowered his head to send a message. “If we’re going to invite a PR team, I’ll invite the most expensive and best PR team. There’s been pile after pile of garbage appearing recently, and I’ve wanted to clean them up for a long time now.”
Cheng Qiang sighed and looked at Fang Juexia. “Juexia, now that things have already come to this stage, I hope you can tell me all about it.”
Fang Juexia’s inner struggle was not because he was unwilling to talk about it, but that facing up to his father’s ugliness was too painful. However, right now, he had no other choice.
He took a deep breath and looked at Cheng Qiang, trying to find the most calm and objective words to describe his past.
“My father used to be a promising dancer, but he was disabled by a stage accident, and his career was ruined. Later, he became a drunk, unleashed domestic abuse on us, and became addicted to drugs. He abandoned my mother and me ten years ago, leaving with all the money from our family. Not long ago, I saw him again. He had been a drug addict for many years, and the first time we met again, he tried to knock me out, kidnap me, and bring me away in exchange for drug money. Later, we sent him to the rehab center. I thought it would be over after that, but didn’t expect that…”
Throughout the whole narration, he spoke clearly, without any emotions, while also omitting the details. It seemed as if he was just repeating something that had nothing to do with him. However, Cheng Qiang, who was listening to it, only felt that every word of his was weeping with blood. He couldn’t imagine how these things were something that a father could do to his own son at all.
Knock out, kidnap, exchange for money.
These were all real experiences Fang Juexia had undergone that they didn’t know anything about. From the first day that Cheng Qiang had taken over Kaleido, the one he had loved the most was the child in front of him. Plainly everything about him was the best, but because he was taciturn and afraid of making mistakes, he lived every single day as if he were on a highwire.
He couldn’t help gripping Fang Juexia’s shoulder after listening to this, but Fang Juexia just shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m just very sorry that I didn’t tell you guys about it back when he appeared. Now, with everything happening, it’s all become so frantic.”
Cheng Qiang said with a bitter smile, “Even if you had told us back then, it wouldn’t have been that useful. If someone really wants to connect a father who is addicted to drugs with his son, even if we had started preparing way back during your guys’ debut, we would have no way to cut our losses.”
Debut.
Upon hearing that word, Fang Juexia just felt that his throat was completely dry and hoarse, and that his face seemed to be covered in a thicket of tens of thousands of icy cold needles.
He was born with a birthmark on his face, and also had night blindness, an illness that made him completely unsuitable for performing on a dark stage, and on top of all of this, he was even carrying the ticking time bomb of having a drug addict for a father.
He was such a person, such a him.
“I’m sorry.” Fang Juexia raised his head, his eyes red, and murmured, “In fact, I shouldn’t have debuted at all…”
Pei Tingsong immediately took his hand. “What are you talking about? Fang Juexia, I’m going to repeat myself, you were born to belong on the stage. If even you aren’t suitable for it, no one is.”
He was such a precious person, how could he aggrieve himself like this?
Cheng Qiang knew that it was his words that caused this change in mood in Fang Juexia, and he was filled with guilt. “No, Juexia, you did nothing wrong in this entire matter. If it wasn’t for you, Kaleido wouldn’t be where it is today, do you understand? In fact, it’s not like there isn’t a solution to this matter, worst comes to worst, we’ll just shut them up with the PR fee they’re demanding, and the big matter will become smaller…”
“No.”
Fang Juexia tried hard to calm himself down a little more and analyzed the whole matter to Cheng Qiang. “Since they dare to blackmail us, they will do so a second time. After all, there are still hidden dangers in whitewashing things and presenting a false peace. With such a big story, they will not stop just for the sake of seven million. If I get more popular in the future than I am now, they will only threaten me again and again, taking it as a weakness.”
Fang Juexia’s eyes were firm. “But I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m also a victim. So, in regards to my father taking drugs, we have to talk about it, and it has to be me who says something about it.”
This path he was talking about was a desperate move.
Cheng Qiang’s first reaction was to completely disagree. “How can we do that? If you really say something, do you know how many of our opponents and antis are going to take this and cause trouble? They may even stigmatize you as an addict as well.”
“I know.” As soon as Fang Juexia had become aware of this matter, all the possible slander had already appeared in his mind. He was more familiar with the taste of dirty splashed water than anyone else.
Those years of slander were like a stain on his body; no matter how much he wiped at it, he couldn’t wipe it all off. Those malicious rumors had pretty much become scars on his body that hurt when he touched them. No matter how much he explained, how he made every effort to clarify the rumors, all he got in exchange was just more spit and abuse.
At first, he didn’t really understand why this was happening; why didn’t people want to believe the truth? Then, slowly and gradually, he got used to the malice of this circle. Most of the time, there was no reason behind it. Truth was the least valuable thing in this industry.
As a result, Fang Juexia’s heart also cooled bit by bit. He no longer argued fearlessly, and for his response, could only give the best stage performance each time.
He had been living with these repulsive scars ever since then.
“There’s no other way. The only thing I can do is scrape the poison off of the bone.”
He didn’t want to go on like this any more; he was going to thoroughly gouge out all those dormant sores.
Fang Juexia told them, while telling himself this too, “If this secret is kept the entire time, no one knows what will happen in the future. I have no way to make this time bomb any more uncontrollable. As for the accusation of whether I am a drug addict or not, we can get a drug test done and put it online as proof.”
As Cheng Qiang was considering it, he heard Pei Tingsong speak, “Already arranged a PR team, it’s the most famous one in the circle.”
“How much was it?” Fang Juexia asked.
“You guys don’t have to worry about that.” Pei Tingsong continued, “They are ready for a video conference to be held any time now, to put forward strategy and discuss response plans. However, the other side gave us the same advice that Juexia did.” He looked at Cheng Qiang. “They also think that we need to make the first move with this matter.”
Kaleido was the first group that Cheng Qiang had officially led and managed. He had endured all sorts of storms with Kaleido, so when he encountered such things, his first reaction was always to be relatively conservative.
“I see. Let’s do some overtime now, and I’ll call the company’s PR department to come over and inform the necessary departments as well.”
“En.”
It hadn’t been long since the situation with He Ziyan, and now it was the group’s official ace’s turn. The company attached great importance to it, and even Chen Zhengyun, who had just returned from a business trip, rushed back to the company. The PR team held a meeting with Fang Juexia for a full hour, and after understanding everything, they gave a general outline on how to handle this issue.
Via video call, the person-in-charge said, “In fact, Mr. Fang’s idea is right. First of all, we should make the truth public before the other party can expose it, so as to avoid having the other party call all the shots with this explosive story. If we take the initiative to let Mr. Fang make it public, and then arrange for articles and guide public opinion, we can shift the focus of the incident from ‘the father of a talked-about star is a drug addict’ to ‘biological family tragedy, frequent exposure of privacy, and a second blow.’ In this way, we can minimize our losses.”
The subject of the matter being discussed was sitting at the table. The moonlight that lit the early hours before dawn shone against his back, and his whole person was shadowed by it. Pei Tingsong’s heart kept aching as he looked at him. In the past, he may have already been flaming back online, but now he knew that that was not a mature way to deal with this situation. He also wanted to grow up and protect the person he loved the most.
While everyone here was talking about this and expressing their own views and strategy, Fang Juexia, who was in the center of the vortex, remained silent. He only listened, not uttering a single word, seemingly thinking about something.
After a long time, when the PR team had already started to contact writers and other public opinion forces, he said, “There’s one more matter.”
Cheng Qiang looked at him suspiciously, while Chen Zhengyun called a halt to the meeting directly. “Speak.”
“From the beginning, I have been wondering if this matter was my father’s doing, because he already has a previous record of extortion.” Here, Fang Juexia shook his head. “But I think the possibility of that is very low, because he is now in the drug rehabilitation center, isolated from the outside world. But this matter, besides myself, my mother, and Xiao Pei, who helped me deal with it some time ago, no one else should know about it. So how on earth did someone unearth this matter? This is the point I find very perplexing.”
This was also what Pei Tingsong kept turning over and over again in his mind. Clearly, he had put Fang Ping in the most strictly controlled rehab center, and then had also sent people to watch him all day. He was completely isolated from the outside world, so there was no chance for him to get out and make any more trouble.
“When I met him, and he extorted me, I asked him, and he didn’t admit to contacting any company or media, but I doubt that now.” Fang Juexia’s eyes narrowed slightly. “He said that in order to come to Beijing to find me, he used up all the money he had. This is strange because I had already been followed for nearly a week before the day of the attempted kidnapping. During that week, what did he rely on to maintain himself, and especially with a long-term drug habit, how could he last so long by himself?”
Pei Tingsong also had thought about this question before. “Do you suspect that he already met with some other people before you? These people got some information from him and gave him money to maintain his habit.”
Fang Juexia nodded. “I guess it was like that. When he’s caught in the thrall of his addiction, he can hardly be regarded as a human being. As long as anyone would give him some money to exchange for drugs, he could do anything. Whether it is selling my relationship to him or selling anything else, he could do any of that.”
Chen Zhengyun, who had been listening to him in silence, suddenly grasped the key point. “Anything else?”
“Yes.” Fang Juexia looked at him. “That’s what I needed to add. Boss, there’s one thing I’ve been hiding from all of you.”
Under the conference table, his hands clenched tightly and his knuckles turned completely white, but on the surface, he was still the calm Fang Juexia. “I have congenital night blindness. In dim light, my vision will become extremely impaired, even close to total blindness.”
Pei Tingsong was stunned. He didn’t expect that Fang Juexia would reveal this matter at the same time as this. This was basically him declaring to everyone here the biggest secret he had been carrying on his own for so many years. His forbearance and prudence, and those many years of painstaking practice, had now all dissolved into foam.
Cheng Qiang couldn’t believe it. “Night blindness? Then when you are onstage…”
Fang Juexia said lightly, “When the light isn’t bright enough, I can’t see and can only dance based on the intuition I trained. But on most stages, there’s plenty of light.” After that, he looked at them with dim eyes and apologized again, “I’m sorry, I’ve kept this from everyone.”
Chen Zhengyun, wearing a solemn look, put his hand on the table. He was really surprised, but when he thought about it again, all the unreasonable details of the past were now becoming clear. He thought of when he had seen this child for the first time; clearly, he possessed a natural gift, and he was born to do this job, but even then, his whole person carried a sense of burden. His thin shoulders were always heavy, but he wouldn’t speak about it, and he practiced every day. Even before he debuted, he slept on the floor of the practice room for many days in a row.
Now, he finally knew why.
“It’s not your fault.” Chen Zhengyun smiled. “Fortunately you managed to hide this, otherwise we would have missed out on a genius.”
Fang Juexia had never, even a little bit, felt wronged for himself due to his own matters, but Chen Zhengyun’s words made his nose sting for a moment.
Every day since his debut, and before every performance, Fang Juexia would have trouble sleeping and eating. Even in his dreams, he would dream that he had made a mistake or had even fallen on the dim stage, thus implicating the whole group. His dreams were filled with him being criticized by everyone.
[Why did you want to debut? You’re completely not suited to dance on a stage, you know!]
[Fang Juexia, look at yourself. You were born as a person who would make mistakes on the stage.]
[What’s the use of practice?! No matter how much you practice, you can’t not make a mistake!]
[You want to drag everyone into the water with you, right?]
“Yes,” Cheng Qiang chimed in, “The rest of them aren’t here right now, but if they were, they would definitely all thank you. Juexia, you are Kaleido’s backbone, do you understand?”
Fang Juexia tried hard to make himself smile and nodded his head hard to accept their approval. “This point may also become a threat used by others to attack me. I’m guessing he has already told others, so I fear I have no choice but to also make this public.”
The PR team was silent for a moment. “That’s fine, it’s not a big problem. Genetic diseases are categorised as private information, and yours doesn’t cause any harm to others. Besides, you’ve never made any mistakes over the years.”
Never.
Fang Juexia gritted his teeth and nodded.
Pei Tingsong felt powerless and helpless. He had clearly tried his best to help Fang Juexia avoid suffering through this, but it couldn’t be avoided at all. These nightmares, which had been lingering around for so many years, had now broken out in a flash, and were growing into a giant beast that would nearly devour Fang Juexia, and there was nowhere to hide.
Right after he revealed this matter, the person-in-charge of monitoring public opinion in the PR team said, “Mr. Fang, your worry isn’t unfounded. There really is someone who has started to spread rumors about it.”
The other side had sent out screenshots of the revelations, although the contents were vague.
[Recently, the new top celebrity FJX has a big melon, guarantee it’s true. A person who is very close to him revealed this story, and you will all know who it is later. He has a disease that has been hidden for a long time, and it’s the kind that will affect his future. I’m waiting for you guys to dig the grave.]
The messages below the post were obviously stirring up trouble, describing the matter in a more malicious way.
[Disease? What disease can affect his future?]
[It can’t possibly be AIDS….]
[Saying it like that, maybe it really is. There is finally evidence on those rumors about hidden rules that have drifted around; this proof that will arrive soon is too fierce.]
[AIDS wtf, then their entire group are….tch, tch, tch your circle is really messy]
[I just knew that the previous hidden rules rumor wasn’t groundless. Otherwise, why does everyone say that FJX was involved with that, and no one else is mentioned? Just because you’re beautiful, you can be self-conceited?]
“Are these people really all sick? Are they really not afraid that we’ll drag each of them out and sue them?” Cheng Qiang was furious. “Contact the moderator now!”
Pei Tingsong looked at Fang Juexia, just to see him look coldly at the vicious remarks being projected on the screen, without displaying any emotional fluctuations.
Habit was a terrible thing.
But he really had gotten used to it.
Even if a rumor saying that Fang Juexia had committed suicide in the dorms circulated around today, he wouldn’t experinece much fluctuation in his mood.
The PR team explained, “It doesn’t matter, now that we know it’s night blindness, it can all be clarified by presenting relevant medical records and certificates. I believe Mr. Fang has all these.”
Fang Juexia nodded. He gave them all the evidence he could find, and even asked, “Do you need me to have a comprehensive physical examination?”
Hearing these words, a sharp, piercing pain stung Pei Tingsong’s heart.
The mood of the people in the PR team also turned very complicated. They had experienced too many things within this entertainment industry, such as cheating couples, couples who seemed to get along in public but were starkly divided in private, and even more exaggerated and bloody gossip. Professionalism allowed them to smooth things out and leave their employer with a decent face.
But now, the person standing in front of them was clearly a clean boy, but he had to scrape his own hands clean, hating he couldn’t tear off his own skin to show them whether the flesh and blood under it was as black and dirty as the world said it was.
If you throw enough mud, some of it will stick, and eventually, even his bones would be melted down and destroyed one by one.
“Before I post on Weibo, I need to let my mama know.” Fang Juexia tried to calm himself and got up to leave the meeting room.
As soon as he left, Pei Tingsong stood up and told Cheng Qiang, “I’ll accompany him.”
Cheng Qiang nodded and watched Pei Tingsong chase after him.
Fang Juexia’s back was very thin, and in the dimly lit corridor, it looked like a withered leaf. He walked to the corner of the stairs and stopped, his hand, which held the cellphone, trembling unconsciously.
Pei Tingsong, who had followed him, came to a stand in front of him and held his trembling wrist. “Juexia, don’t be afraid. I’m here.” What he didn’t realize was that his voice was also trembling involuntarily.
It was already 2:30 in the morning, and no one picked up for a long time. Fang Juexia lowered his head and kept hitting the ‘call’ button after every failed call. Transparent tears fell on his hands, his screen, and his vision grew more and more blurry.
He had held back his tears for the entire night, but in the end, they still finally flowed out when it came to his mother.
“What to do…” Fang Juexia, who kept extremely calm at any given time, finally showed weakness in front of his lover. “Pei Tingsong, what do I do… I still have to tell her, but I…”
Pei Tingsong’s heart felt like it was being gripped hard. He seemed to have returned to that rainy night during the summer again, as he watched his already black-and-blue lover approaching the abyss once again with his own eyes.
Anyway, this time, he had to hug him first.
Pei Tingsong pulled Fang Juexia into his arms and said in a gentle voice, “Juexia, come here.”
He suddenly felt that Fang Juexia had grown thin again. This person, who was obviously several years older than himself, was now akin to a child in his eyes. He looked so small, and so distressing. Even when stroking his shoulder, he didn’t dare to use any force. “Didn’t you say that you didn’t want your mama to wait for her whole lifetime?
“Suffering long-term pain isn’t better than suffering short-term pain. Even if you hide it for a while, what will you do in the future?”
Fang Juexia buried his head and listened to Pei Tingsong’s question, every sentence buckling onto his closed-off heart.
“It can’t be that you want her to travel to the end of her life alone, still guarding her heart for the person who won’t come back?”
Obviously, he was holding the bad ending of this fairy tale in his hands, but he had never dared to tell his mama until now.
He was too afraid to disappoint his mama.
Fang Juexia cried silently on Pei Tingsong’s shoulder. All the pain, grievances, and fear he had, he gave them all to Pei Tingsong. He knew that it was unfair; he should be stronger and bear everything himself.
But at this moment, in the whole world, he only wanted to rest on Pei Tingsong’s shoulder.
Even if it was for just a minute.
“You know,” Pei Tingsong gently stroked his back, “for your mama, the most important thing isn’t her dead love, but you.”
The cellphone he was holding began to vibrate, and it was his mama calling back at 2:30 in the morning. Fang Juexia struggled out of Pei Tingsong’s arms, wiped away his tears, and forced all of his emotions down before he dared to pick up the call.
At the other end of the call, his mother’s voice was anxious and worried. Fang Juexia had been making a living outside for many years, and no matter what happened, he had gritted his teeth and carried it through. He had never called her at such a late time before.
“What’s the matter, baby? Juexia, are you sick? Mama’s already awake now.”
Fang Juexia held back a sob. “Mom, a lot of stuff has happened, and I have to use the PR team to deal with it. There is one thing I have to tell you.” He continued, a frown forming on his face. “In June, Dad came to see me.”
“What…” Mama Fang’s voice grew faint, “You-why didn’t you say anything about that before?”
“Because… Because the day we met, he was still addicted to drugs.” Fang Juexia desperately tried to hold his emotions back, but the truth was just that bloody. “He was holding an iron rod, and was ready to knock me out and then kidnap me, all because he didn’t have money to continue sourcing drugs at that time. But, fortunately, a bodyguard stopped him, and he failed. After that, we took him to a rehab center.”
It suddenly quietened down on the other end, and Fang Juexia’s chest was aching a lot this whole while.
“Now, someone is trying to blackmail us about this, and I have to—make it public myself.” He knew that every word of his was piercing through his mother’s heart, but he had no choice. He also fervently hoped for all this to just be a nightmare.
How he wished he didn’t have such a father, that he didn’t have this disease that had tormented him for more than ten years, and that he didn’t have any of this dirty water splashed on him, which he couldn’t wash or wipe off of himself.
“I’m afraid you’ll see it in the news, so… So I can only tell you in advance.
“Mom, I’m sorry.”
Sorry that I finally….
Broke your dream with my own hands.
Translated by juurensha
Edited by Noks
The only thing I can do is scrape the poison off of the bone.
Fang Juexia clenched his fists tightly, his emotions surging up as soon as he heard about this matter, almost drowning him.
But he soon became rational. When he looked up at Cheng Qiang, a trace of regret appeared in his heart.
“I’m sorry, Qiang Ge. I kept trying to prepare to confess this entire matter to you, but this entire time, I haven’t found a suitable opportunity to do so.”
Cheng Qiang was really surprised to see this news at first, but the recent storms had honed his endurance. He pulled them into the office, made them sit down, and then said, “It’s also very hard for you to speak on this private matter, and right now, they still haven’t directly exposed us, so there is still room for us to maneuver. Let’s hold off the other side first; the company has to discuss such a large PR expense required to suppress this news, so the other party shouldn’t announce it immediately.”
“Qiang Ge,” Pei Tingsong said, “send me that anonymous email, and I’ll have someone investigate it.”
Cheng Qiang nodded. “Alright, I’ll contact the PR team.”
“I’ll come along with you,” Pei Tingsong said as he lowered his head to send a message. “If we’re going to invite a PR team, I’ll invite the most expensive and best PR team. There’s been pile after pile of garbage appearing recently, and I’ve wanted to clean them up for a long time now.”
Cheng Qiang sighed and looked at Fang Juexia. “Juexia, now that things have already come to this stage, I hope you can tell me all about it.”
Fang Juexia’s inner struggle was not because he was unwilling to talk about it, but that facing up to his father’s ugliness was too painful. However, right now, he had no other choice.
He took a deep breath and looked at Cheng Qiang, trying to find the most calm and objective words to describe his past.
“My father used to be a promising dancer, but he was disabled by a stage accident, and his career was ruined. Later, he became a drunk, unleashed domestic abuse on us, and became addicted to drugs. He abandoned my mother and me ten years ago, leaving with all the money from our family. Not long ago, I saw him again. He had been a drug addict for many years, and the first time we met again, he tried to knock me out, kidnap me, and bring me away in exchange for drug money. Later, we sent him to the rehab center. I thought it would be over after that, but didn’t expect that…”
Throughout the whole narration, he spoke clearly, without any emotions, while also omitting the details. It seemed as if he was just repeating something that had nothing to do with him. However, Cheng Qiang, who was listening to it, only felt that every word of his was weeping with blood. He couldn’t imagine how these things were something that a father could do to his own son at all.
Knock out, kidnap, exchange for money.
These were all real experiences Fang Juexia had undergone that they didn’t know anything about. From the first day that Cheng Qiang had taken over Kaleido, the one he had loved the most was the child in front of him. Plainly everything about him was the best, but because he was taciturn and afraid of making mistakes, he lived every single day as if he were on a highwire.
He couldn’t help gripping Fang Juexia’s shoulder after listening to this, but Fang Juexia just shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m just very sorry that I didn’t tell you guys about it back when he appeared. Now, with everything happening, it’s all become so frantic.”
Cheng Qiang said with a bitter smile, “Even if you had told us back then, it wouldn’t have been that useful. If someone really wants to connect a father who is addicted to drugs with his son, even if we had started preparing way back during your guys’ debut, we would have no way to cut our losses.”
Debut.
Upon hearing that word, Fang Juexia just felt that his throat was completely dry and hoarse, and that his face seemed to be covered in a thicket of tens of thousands of icy cold needles.
He was born with a birthmark on his face, and also had night blindness, an illness that made him completely unsuitable for performing on a dark stage, and on top of all of this, he was even carrying the ticking time bomb of having a drug addict for a father.
He was such a person, such a him.
“I’m sorry.” Fang Juexia raised his head, his eyes red, and murmured, “In fact, I shouldn’t have debuted at all…”
Pei Tingsong immediately took his hand. “What are you talking about? Fang Juexia, I’m going to repeat myself, you were born to belong on the stage. If even you aren’t suitable for it, no one is.”
He was such a precious person, how could he aggrieve himself like this?
Cheng Qiang knew that it was his words that caused this change in mood in Fang Juexia, and he was filled with guilt. “No, Juexia, you did nothing wrong in this entire matter. If it wasn’t for you, Kaleido wouldn’t be where it is today, do you understand? In fact, it’s not like there isn’t a solution to this matter, worst comes to worst, we’ll just shut them up with the PR fee they’re demanding, and the big matter will become smaller…”
“No.”
Fang Juexia tried hard to calm himself down a little more and analyzed the whole matter to Cheng Qiang. “Since they dare to blackmail us, they will do so a second time. After all, there are still hidden dangers in whitewashing things and presenting a false peace. With such a big story, they will not stop just for the sake of seven million. If I get more popular in the future than I am now, they will only threaten me again and again, taking it as a weakness.”
Fang Juexia’s eyes were firm. “But I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m also a victim. So, in regards to my father taking drugs, we have to talk about it, and it has to be me who says something about it.”
This path he was talking about was a desperate move.
Cheng Qiang’s first reaction was to completely disagree. “How can we do that? If you really say something, do you know how many of our opponents and antis are going to take this and cause trouble? They may even stigmatize you as an addict as well.”
“I know.” As soon as Fang Juexia had become aware of this matter, all the possible slander had already appeared in his mind. He was more familiar with the taste of dirty splashed water than anyone else.
Those years of slander were like a stain on his body; no matter how much he wiped at it, he couldn’t wipe it all off. Those malicious rumors had pretty much become scars on his body that hurt when he touched them. No matter how much he explained, how he made every effort to clarify the rumors, all he got in exchange was just more spit and abuse.
At first, he didn’t really understand why this was happening; why didn’t people want to believe the truth? Then, slowly and gradually, he got used to the malice of this circle. Most of the time, there was no reason behind it. Truth was the least valuable thing in this industry.
As a result, Fang Juexia’s heart also cooled bit by bit. He no longer argued fearlessly, and for his response, could only give the best stage performance each time.
He had been living with these repulsive scars ever since then.
“There’s no other way. The only thing I can do is scrape the poison off of the bone.”
He didn’t want to go on like this any more; he was going to thoroughly gouge out all those dormant sores.
Fang Juexia told them, while telling himself this too, “If this secret is kept the entire time, no one knows what will happen in the future. I have no way to make this time bomb any more uncontrollable. As for the accusation of whether I am a drug addict or not, we can get a drug test done and put it online as proof.”
As Cheng Qiang was considering it, he heard Pei Tingsong speak, “Already arranged a PR team, it’s the most famous one in the circle.”
“How much was it?” Fang Juexia asked.
“You guys don’t have to worry about that.” Pei Tingsong continued, “They are ready for a video conference to be held any time now, to put forward strategy and discuss response plans. However, the other side gave us the same advice that Juexia did.” He looked at Cheng Qiang. “They also think that we need to make the first move with this matter.”
Kaleido was the first group that Cheng Qiang had officially led and managed. He had endured all sorts of storms with Kaleido, so when he encountered such things, his first reaction was always to be relatively conservative.
“I see. Let’s do some overtime now, and I’ll call the company’s PR department to come over and inform the necessary departments as well.”
“En.”
It hadn’t been long since the situation with He Ziyan, and now it was the group’s official ace’s turn. The company attached great importance to it, and even Chen Zhengyun, who had just returned from a business trip, rushed back to the company. The PR team held a meeting with Fang Juexia for a full hour, and after understanding everything, they gave a general outline on how to handle this issue.
Via video call, the person-in-charge said, “In fact, Mr. Fang’s idea is right. First of all, we should make the truth public before the other party can expose it, so as to avoid having the other party call all the shots with this explosive story. If we take the initiative to let Mr. Fang make it public, and then arrange for articles and guide public opinion, we can shift the focus of the incident from ‘the father of a talked-about star is a drug addict’ to ‘biological family tragedy, frequent exposure of privacy, and a second blow.’ In this way, we can minimize our losses.”
The subject of the matter being discussed was sitting at the table. The moonlight that lit the early hours before dawn shone against his back, and his whole person was shadowed by it. Pei Tingsong’s heart kept aching as he looked at him. In the past, he may have already been flaming back online, but now he knew that that was not a mature way to deal with this situation. He also wanted to grow up and protect the person he loved the most.
While everyone here was talking about this and expressing their own views and strategy, Fang Juexia, who was in the center of the vortex, remained silent. He only listened, not uttering a single word, seemingly thinking about something.
After a long time, when the PR team had already started to contact writers and other public opinion forces, he said, “There’s one more matter.”
Cheng Qiang looked at him suspiciously, while Chen Zhengyun called a halt to the meeting directly. “Speak.”
“From the beginning, I have been wondering if this matter was my father’s doing, because he already has a previous record of extortion.” Here, Fang Juexia shook his head. “But I think the possibility of that is very low, because he is now in the drug rehabilitation center, isolated from the outside world. But this matter, besides myself, my mother, and Xiao Pei, who helped me deal with it some time ago, no one else should know about it. So how on earth did someone unearth this matter? This is the point I find very perplexing.”
This was also what Pei Tingsong kept turning over and over again in his mind. Clearly, he had put Fang Ping in the most strictly controlled rehab center, and then had also sent people to watch him all day. He was completely isolated from the outside world, so there was no chance for him to get out and make any more trouble.
“When I met him, and he extorted me, I asked him, and he didn’t admit to contacting any company or media, but I doubt that now.” Fang Juexia’s eyes narrowed slightly. “He said that in order to come to Beijing to find me, he used up all the money he had. This is strange because I had already been followed for nearly a week before the day of the attempted kidnapping. During that week, what did he rely on to maintain himself, and especially with a long-term drug habit, how could he last so long by himself?”
Pei Tingsong also had thought about this question before. “Do you suspect that he already met with some other people before you? These people got some information from him and gave him money to maintain his habit.”
Fang Juexia nodded. “I guess it was like that. When he’s caught in the thrall of his addiction, he can hardly be regarded as a human being. As long as anyone would give him some money to exchange for drugs, he could do anything. Whether it is selling my relationship to him or selling anything else, he could do any of that.”
Chen Zhengyun, who had been listening to him in silence, suddenly grasped the key point. “Anything else?”
“Yes.” Fang Juexia looked at him. “That’s what I needed to add. Boss, there’s one thing I’ve been hiding from all of you.”
Under the conference table, his hands clenched tightly and his knuckles turned completely white, but on the surface, he was still the calm Fang Juexia. “I have congenital night blindness. In dim light, my vision will become extremely impaired, even close to total blindness.”
Pei Tingsong was stunned. He didn’t expect that Fang Juexia would reveal this matter at the same time as this. This was basically him declaring to everyone here the biggest secret he had been carrying on his own for so many years. His forbearance and prudence, and those many years of painstaking practice, had now all dissolved into foam.
Cheng Qiang couldn’t believe it. “Night blindness? Then when you are onstage…”
Fang Juexia said lightly, “When the light isn’t bright enough, I can’t see and can only dance based on the intuition I trained. But on most stages, there’s plenty of light.” After that, he looked at them with dim eyes and apologized again, “I’m sorry, I’ve kept this from everyone.”
Chen Zhengyun, wearing a solemn look, put his hand on the table. He was really surprised, but when he thought about it again, all the unreasonable details of the past were now becoming clear. He thought of when he had seen this child for the first time; clearly, he possessed a natural gift, and he was born to do this job, but even then, his whole person carried a sense of burden. His thin shoulders were always heavy, but he wouldn’t speak about it, and he practiced every day. Even before he debuted, he slept on the floor of the practice room for many days in a row.
Now, he finally knew why.
“It’s not your fault.” Chen Zhengyun smiled. “Fortunately you managed to hide this, otherwise we would have missed out on a genius.”
Fang Juexia had never, even a little bit, felt wronged for himself due to his own matters, but Chen Zhengyun’s words made his nose sting for a moment.
Every day since his debut, and before every performance, Fang Juexia would have trouble sleeping and eating. Even in his dreams, he would dream that he had made a mistake or had even fallen on the dim stage, thus implicating the whole group. His dreams were filled with him being criticized by everyone.
[Why did you want to debut? You’re completely not suited to dance on a stage, you know!]
[Fang Juexia, look at yourself. You were born as a person who would make mistakes on the stage.]
[What’s the use of practice?! No matter how much you practice, you can’t not make a mistake!]
[You want to drag everyone into the water with you, right?]
“Yes,” Cheng Qiang chimed in, “The rest of them aren’t here right now, but if they were, they would definitely all thank you. Juexia, you are Kaleido’s backbone, do you understand?”
Fang Juexia tried hard to make himself smile and nodded his head hard to accept their approval. “This point may also become a threat used by others to attack me. I’m guessing he has already told others, so I fear I have no choice but to also make this public.”
The PR team was silent for a moment. “That’s fine, it’s not a big problem. Genetic diseases are categorised as private information, and yours doesn’t cause any harm to others. Besides, you’ve never made any mistakes over the years.”
Never.
Fang Juexia gritted his teeth and nodded.
Pei Tingsong felt powerless and helpless. He had clearly tried his best to help Fang Juexia avoid suffering through this, but it couldn’t be avoided at all. These nightmares, which had been lingering around for so many years, had now broken out in a flash, and were growing into a giant beast that would nearly devour Fang Juexia, and there was nowhere to hide.
Right after he revealed this matter, the person-in-charge of monitoring public opinion in the PR team said, “Mr. Fang, your worry isn’t unfounded. There really is someone who has started to spread rumors about it.”
The other side had sent out screenshots of the revelations, although the contents were vague.
[Recently, the new top celebrity FJX has a big melon, guarantee it’s true. A person who is very close to him revealed this story, and you will all know who it is later. He has a disease that has been hidden for a long time, and it’s the kind that will affect his future. I’m waiting for you guys to dig the grave.]
The messages below the post were obviously stirring up trouble, describing the matter in a more malicious way.
[Disease? What disease can affect his future?]
[It can’t possibly be AIDS….]
[Saying it like that, maybe it really is. There is finally evidence on those rumors about hidden rules that have drifted around; this proof that will arrive soon is too fierce.]
[AIDS wtf, then their entire group are….tch, tch, tch your circle is really messy]
[I just knew that the previous hidden rules rumor wasn’t groundless. Otherwise, why does everyone say that FJX was involved with that, and no one else is mentioned? Just because you’re beautiful, you can be self-conceited?]
“Are these people really all sick? Are they really not afraid that we’ll drag each of them out and sue them?” Cheng Qiang was furious. “Contact the moderator now!”
Pei Tingsong looked at Fang Juexia, just to see him look coldly at the vicious remarks being projected on the screen, without displaying any emotional fluctuations.
Habit was a terrible thing.
But he really had gotten used to it.
Even if a rumor saying that Fang Juexia had committed suicide in the dorms circulated around today, he wouldn’t experinece much fluctuation in his mood.
The PR team explained, “It doesn’t matter, now that we know it’s night blindness, it can all be clarified by presenting relevant medical records and certificates. I believe Mr. Fang has all these.”
Fang Juexia nodded. He gave them all the evidence he could find, and even asked, “Do you need me to have a comprehensive physical examination?”
Hearing these words, a sharp, piercing pain stung Pei Tingsong’s heart.
The mood of the people in the PR team also turned very complicated. They had experienced too many things within this entertainment industry, such as cheating couples, couples who seemed to get along in public but were starkly divided in private, and even more exaggerated and bloody gossip. Professionalism allowed them to smooth things out and leave their employer with a decent face.
But now, the person standing in front of them was clearly a clean boy, but he had to scrape his own hands clean, hating he couldn’t tear off his own skin to show them whether the flesh and blood under it was as black and dirty as the world said it was.
If you throw enough mud, some of it will stick, and eventually, even his bones would be melted down and destroyed one by one.
“Before I post on Weibo, I need to let my mama know.” Fang Juexia tried to calm himself and got up to leave the meeting room.
As soon as he left, Pei Tingsong stood up and told Cheng Qiang, “I’ll accompany him.”
Cheng Qiang nodded and watched Pei Tingsong chase after him.
Fang Juexia’s back was very thin, and in the dimly lit corridor, it looked like a withered leaf. He walked to the corner of the stairs and stopped, his hand, which held the cellphone, trembling unconsciously.
Pei Tingsong, who had followed him, came to a stand in front of him and held his trembling wrist. “Juexia, don’t be afraid. I’m here.” What he didn’t realize was that his voice was also trembling involuntarily.
It was already 2:30 in the morning, and no one picked up for a long time. Fang Juexia lowered his head and kept hitting the ‘call’ button after every failed call. Transparent tears fell on his hands, his screen, and his vision grew more and more blurry.
He had held back his tears for the entire night, but in the end, they still finally flowed out when it came to his mother.
“What to do…” Fang Juexia, who kept extremely calm at any given time, finally showed weakness in front of his lover. “Pei Tingsong, what do I do… I still have to tell her, but I…”
Pei Tingsong’s heart felt like it was being gripped hard. He seemed to have returned to that rainy night during the summer again, as he watched his already black-and-blue lover approaching the abyss once again with his own eyes.
Anyway, this time, he had to hug him first.
Pei Tingsong pulled Fang Juexia into his arms and said in a gentle voice, “Juexia, come here.”
He suddenly felt that Fang Juexia had grown thin again. This person, who was obviously several years older than himself, was now akin to a child in his eyes. He looked so small, and so distressing. Even when stroking his shoulder, he didn’t dare to use any force. “Didn’t you say that you didn’t want your mama to wait for her whole lifetime?
“Suffering long-term pain isn’t better than suffering short-term pain. Even if you hide it for a while, what will you do in the future?”
Fang Juexia buried his head and listened to Pei Tingsong’s question, every sentence buckling onto his closed-off heart.
“It can’t be that you want her to travel to the end of her life alone, still guarding her heart for the person who won’t come back?”
Obviously, he was holding the bad ending of this fairy tale in his hands, but he had never dared to tell his mama until now.
He was too afraid to disappoint his mama.
Fang Juexia cried silently on Pei Tingsong’s shoulder. All the pain, grievances, and fear he had, he gave them all to Pei Tingsong. He knew that it was unfair; he should be stronger and bear everything himself.
But at this moment, in the whole world, he only wanted to rest on Pei Tingsong’s shoulder.
Even if it was for just a minute.
“You know,” Pei Tingsong gently stroked his back, “for your mama, the most important thing isn’t her dead love, but you.”
The cellphone he was holding began to vibrate, and it was his mama calling back at 2:30 in the morning. Fang Juexia struggled out of Pei Tingsong’s arms, wiped away his tears, and forced all of his emotions down before he dared to pick up the call.
At the other end of the call, his mother’s voice was anxious and worried. Fang Juexia had been making a living outside for many years, and no matter what happened, he had gritted his teeth and carried it through. He had never called her at such a late time before.
“What’s the matter, baby? Juexia, are you sick? Mama’s already awake now.”
Fang Juexia held back a sob. “Mom, a lot of stuff has happened, and I have to use the PR team to deal with it. There is one thing I have to tell you.” He continued, a frown forming on his face. “In June, Dad came to see me.”
“What…” Mama Fang’s voice grew faint, “You-why didn’t you say anything about that before?”
“Because… Because the day we met, he was still addicted to drugs.” Fang Juexia desperately tried to hold his emotions back, but the truth was just that bloody. “He was holding an iron rod, and was ready to knock me out and then kidnap me, all because he didn’t have money to continue sourcing drugs at that time. But, fortunately, a bodyguard stopped him, and he failed. After that, we took him to a rehab center.”
It suddenly quietened down on the other end, and Fang Juexia’s chest was aching a lot this whole while.
“Now, someone is trying to blackmail us about this, and I have to—make it public myself.” He knew that every word of his was piercing through his mother’s heart, but he had no choice. He also fervently hoped for all this to just be a nightmare.
How he wished he didn’t have such a father, that he didn’t have this disease that had tormented him for more than ten years, and that he didn’t have any of this dirty water splashed on him, which he couldn’t wash or wipe off of himself.
“I’m afraid you’ll see it in the news, so… So I can only tell you in advance.
“Mom, I’m sorry.”
Sorry that I finally….
Broke your dream with my own hands.
