Chapter 1
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It was another defeat...
I stared at the woman's back, as she left me standing there under the street light, as she walked into the night of the city.
Once more i failed at trying to connect with a woman in a deep meaningful way.
I seriously want to give up... but I do not want to be alone..
Why do women not love high-strung nerves, awkwardness, profuse sweating and gasping for breath after short walks.
I only forgot her name once, It was Emma, I really tried this time to not forget but i still managed to say the wrong name during dinner. I did manage to say my own name correctly, Jon, this time.. last date i went with a friends name by accident and kept with it the entire date out of panic.
I arranged this date to be at a wok restaurant, that I really liked, this time hoping familiarity and friendly territory would give me a plus.
We said almost nothing while we waited for the food.
Wait no "I" almost said nothing, I kept silent, thinking it would be best to keep a low profile.
(brilliant thinking during a date when your trying to present yourself)
It usually was the best idea though, when I did start talking, things get weird between me and women the moment i started talking.
It would be a incoherent mess, jumping from one topic to the next, Getting alot of "uh huh"
and "oh" in return.
But if I got asked questions, I at least had time to think it over, I would then answer as best i could and talk more clearly. it was less nerve wracking for some reason..
Not impressing her on that front.
Of course my looks are not impressive either. Not that she was the looker either, but clearly.. above my reach I slowly realized, as the evening progressed with the both of us not really feeling anything.
After we had dined and seen a movie, I barely remember the movie now, I was frozen during the entire thing unsure how to act. Like a small animal in front of the headlight of a truck.
Hold her hand? In what world do I live in where that's possible?!. Do not be silly Jon! Just Freeze!! Maybe it will work out if I do not move!!
So there I was standing in the light under the street light alone. Thinking how i am gonna hate myself for this night forever.
I sighed loudly and turned around, trying to remember where I parked my car, and my vision is blinded by bright lights.
I quickly froze like a small animal in front of literal headlights this time.
"..truck-kun?" i manage to say out as a truck slammed into me.
Pain - spinning vision that was clouded in red - sense of flight - and then more pain.
I can not move... My vision is still blurred in red. I am looking at the woman that left me standing there. She has turned around, looking back at the man she left, clearly shocked at his current situation.
I cant hear anything. or see her clearly but she backs away slowly in a panic.
... Don't leave me... Why. I do not want to be alone..... Will I die alone?...My vision fades as my world turns red.
...
Cold.. its so cold. Its been so cold for so long now
I feel horrible.. I feel weightless but still feel like I´m stuck in place.
Like i´m dipped in tar. Blinded. Unable to sense anything but this freezing sticky cold that envelopes me giving me small jolts of pain every now and again.
I try to open my eyes... I.. I do not think I have eyes.. how can that be?!
No arms? No legs?! .... am I in a hospital.. unable to feel anything or sense anything?!...
...
I do not know how long I have been here in this place... am I dead?.. normally you would see your life flash past you when you died right??
Of course that would just make me depressed... just remind me more of how alone I am... even death is lonely.....
I.. I.. I do not want to be alone.. Please... I DO NOT WANT TO BE ALONE!
Wait.. what is that... Light?.. Its Blinding!!..
(Truck-Kun ?! is it you, you bastard?! Come to kill me one more time?!... wait.. its not cold any more..)
This feels...so good no more pain. How can light be physical.. I can feel the light wrap around me.. i can still see the sticky coldness I was in. but its not near me. Pushed away by the light
I finally relax, is this the feeling I always wanted, wrapped in this gentle light.
This is nice.. I am still alone though... But... This... This is nice..
Suddenly everything begins to move around me, spinning madly as if suddenly picking a direction ,then speeding towards a point of light, other points of light hurling past me.
as the sense of falling/flying intensifies and I feel like i fall into water.
Pressure. Tightness. Sense of feeling heavy once more.
A heavy drumming sound constantly hammering into my head
I am floating inside a viscous mass. I tried to cover my
ears to stop the hammering sound..
("Wait I have a head!, Arms! feet! I can feel them!! And lungs!")
"...."
("I cannot talk,, wait... I CAN´T BREATH!!!. Wait... What is this! a Hose?!. I'm stuck in liquid!... Wait.. Calm down.. Is this hose.. Its going into my stomach... am...I inside. a .. womb?..")
("I AM REINCARNATING!.... Reincarnation Truck-kun is true!! Its a real thing?!")
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It was another defeat...
I stared at the woman's back, as she left me standing there under the street light, as she walked into the night of the city.
Once more i failed at trying to connect with a woman in a deep meaningful way.
I seriously want to give up... but I do not want to be alone..
Why do women not love high-strung nerves, awkwardness, profuse sweating and gasping for breath after short walks.
I only forgot her name once, It was Emma, I really tried this time to not forget but i still managed to say the wrong name during dinner. I did manage to say my own name correctly, Jon, this time.. last date i went with a friends name by accident and kept with it the entire date out of panic.
I arranged this date to be at a wok restaurant, that I really liked, this time hoping familiarity and friendly territory would give me a plus.
We said almost nothing while we waited for the food.
Wait no "I" almost said nothing, I kept silent, thinking it would be best to keep a low profile.
(brilliant thinking during a date when your trying to present yourself)
It usually was the best idea though, when I did start talking, things get weird between me and women the moment i started talking.
It would be a incoherent mess, jumping from one topic to the next, Getting alot of "uh huh"
and "oh" in return.
But if I got asked questions, I at least had time to think it over, I would then answer as best i could and talk more clearly. it was less nerve wracking for some reason..
Not impressing her on that front.
Of course my looks are not impressive either. Not that she was the looker either, but clearly.. above my reach I slowly realized, as the evening progressed with the both of us not really feeling anything.
After we had dined and seen a movie, I barely remember the movie now, I was frozen during the entire thing unsure how to act. Like a small animal in front of the headlight of a truck.
Hold her hand? In what world do I live in where that's possible?!. Do not be silly Jon! Just Freeze!! Maybe it will work out if I do not move!!
So there I was standing in the light under the street light alone. Thinking how i am gonna hate myself for this night forever.
I sighed loudly and turned around, trying to remember where I parked my car, and my vision is blinded by bright lights.
I quickly froze like a small animal in front of literal headlights this time.
"..truck-kun?" i manage to say out as a truck slammed into me.
Pain - spinning vision that was clouded in red - sense of flight - and then more pain.
I can not move... My vision is still blurred in red. I am looking at the woman that left me standing there. She has turned around, looking back at the man she left, clearly shocked at his current situation.
I cant hear anything. or see her clearly but she backs away slowly in a panic.
... Don't leave me... Why. I do not want to be alone..... Will I die alone?...My vision fades as my world turns red.
...
Cold.. its so cold. Its been so cold for so long now
I feel horrible.. I feel weightless but still feel like I´m stuck in place.
Like i´m dipped in tar. Blinded. Unable to sense anything but this freezing sticky cold that envelopes me giving me small jolts of pain every now and again.
I try to open my eyes... I.. I do not think I have eyes.. how can that be?!
No arms? No legs?! .... am I in a hospital.. unable to feel anything or sense anything?!...
...
I do not know how long I have been here in this place... am I dead?.. normally you would see your life flash past you when you died right??
Of course that would just make me depressed... just remind me more of how alone I am... even death is lonely.....
I.. I.. I do not want to be alone.. Please... I DO NOT WANT TO BE ALONE!
Wait.. what is that... Light?.. Its Blinding!!..
(Truck-Kun ?! is it you, you bastard?! Come to kill me one more time?!... wait.. its not cold any more..)
This feels...so good no more pain. How can light be physical.. I can feel the light wrap around me.. i can still see the sticky coldness I was in. but its not near me. Pushed away by the light
I finally relax, is this the feeling I always wanted, wrapped in this gentle light.
This is nice.. I am still alone though... But... This... This is nice..
Suddenly everything begins to move around me, spinning madly as if suddenly picking a direction ,then speeding towards a point of light, other points of light hurling past me.
as the sense of falling/flying intensifies and I feel like i fall into water.
Pressure. Tightness. Sense of feeling heavy once more.
A heavy drumming sound constantly hammering into my head
I am floating inside a viscous mass. I tried to cover my
ears to stop the hammering sound..
("Wait I have a head!, Arms! feet! I can feel them!! And lungs!")
"...."
("I cannot talk,, wait... I CAN´T BREATH!!!. Wait... What is this! a Hose?!. I'm stuck in liquid!... Wait.. Calm down.. Is this hose.. Its going into my stomach... am...I inside. a .. womb?..")
("I AM REINCARNATING!.... Reincarnation Truck-kun is true!! Its a real thing?!")
It was another defeat...I stared at the woman's back, as she left me standing there under the street light, as she walked into the night of the city.Once more i failed at trying to connect with a woman in a deep meaningful way.I seriously want to give up... but I do not want to be alone..Why do women not love high-strung nerves, awkwardness, profuse sweating and gasping for breath after short walks.I only forgot her name once, It was Emma, I really tried this time to not forget but i still managed to say the wrong name during dinner. I did manage to say my own name correctly, Jon, this time.. last date i went with a friends name by accident and kept with it the entire date out of panic.I arranged this date to be at a wok restaurant, that I really liked, this time hoping familiarity and friendly territory would give me a plus.We said almost nothing while we waited for the food.Wait no "I" almost said nothing, I kept silent, thinking it would be best to keep a low profile.brilliant thinking during a date when your trying to present yourselfIt usually was the best idea though, when I did start talking, things get weird between me and women the moment i started talking.It would be a incoherent mess, jumping from one topic to the next, Getting alot of "uh huh"and "oh" in return.But if I got asked questions, I at least had time to think it over, I would then answer as best i could and talk more clearly. it was less nerve wracking for some reason..Not impressing her on that front.Of course my looks are not impressive either. Not that she was the looker either, but clearly.. above my reach I slowly realized, as the evening progressed with the both of us not really feeling anything.After we had dined and seen a movie, I barely remember the movie now, I was frozen during the entire thing unsure how to act. Like a small animal in front of the headlight of a truck.Hold her hand? In what world do I live in where that's possible?!. Do not be silly Jon! Just Freeze!! Maybe it will work out if I do not move!!So there I was standing in the light under the street light alone. Thinking how i am gonna hate myself for this night forever.I sighed loudly and turned around, trying to remember where I parked my car, and my vision is blinded by bright lights.I quickly froze like a small animal in front of literal headlights this time."..truck-kun?" i manage to say out as a truck slammed into me.Pain - spinning vision that was clouded in red - sense of flight - and then more pain.I can not move... My vision is still blurred in red. I am looking at the woman that left me standing there. She has turned around, looking back at the man she left, clearly shocked at his current situation.I cant hear anything. or see her clearly but she backs away slowly in a panic.... Don't leave me... Why. I do not want to be alone..... Will I die alone?...My vision fades as my world turns red....Cold.. its so cold. Its been so cold for so long nowI feel horrible.. I feel weightless but still feel like Im stuck in place.Like im dipped in tar. Blinded. Unable to sense anything but this freezing sticky cold that envelopes me giving me small jolts of pain every now and again.I try to open my eyes... I.. I do not think I have eyes.. how can that be?!No arms? No legs?! .... am I in a hospital.. unable to feel anything or sense anything?!......I do not know how long I have been here in this place... am I dead?.. normally you would see your life flash past you when you died right??Of course that would just make me depressed... just remind me more of how alone I am... even death is lonely.....I.. I.. I do not want to be alone.. Please... I DO NOT WANT TO BE ALONE!Wait.. what is that... Light?.. Its Blinding!!..Truck-Kun ?! is it you, you bastard?! Come to kill me one more time?!... wait.. its not cold any more..This feels...so good no more pain. How can light be physical.. I can feel the light wrap around me.. i can still see the sticky coldness I was in. but its not near me. Pushed away by the lightI finally relax, is this the feeling I always wanted, wrapped in this gentle light.This is nice.. I am still alone though... But... This... This is nice..Suddenly everything begins to move around me, spinning madly as if suddenly picking a direction ,then speeding towards a point of light, other points of light hurling past me.as the sense of falling/flying intensifies and I feel like i fall into water.Pressure. Tightness. Sense of feeling heavy once more.A heavy drumming sound constantly hammering into my headI am floating inside a viscous mass. I tried to cover myears to stop the hammering sound.."Wait I have a head!, Arms! feet! I can feel them!! And lungs!""....""I cannot talk,, wait... I CANT BREATH!!!. Wait... What is this! a Hose?!. I'm stuck in liquid!... Wait.. Calm down.. Is this hose.. Its going into my stomach... am...I inside. a .. womb?..""I AM REINCARNATING!.... Reincarnation Truck-kun is true!! Its a real thing?!"
