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Published at 14th of April 2022 06:08:45 PM


Chapter 125: Ray’s Thoughts

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I don't clearly remember how I fell in love with her but I knew that it won't fade away  so easily. She was the bright sun above my head, always being cheerful, ready to show me the light in my darkest hour. My parents were constantly busy with their work. They hardly stayed at home. I grew up with the woeful seclusion. When I needed them most, I found myself alone, fighting with this agitated life. But it's okay now. I learned to live with my loneliness.

Then I met this girl who changed my world. She became a very essential part of my life. Suddenly I don't feel like sulking anymore. Stella was very strange. Her personality is something that makes people attract towards her. She's friendly and open minded. Easy to get along. We also started off as friends. The more I spend time with her, the more I felt abstention from the relentless existence.

That's why I was slowing growing these feeling in my heart.

It was during the lunch break. Me and Stella were both sitting alone at our usual spot, since none of our friends came to join us. That day I had so many things going on my head as I fought with my parents.

" Don't you get tired from all this?" Out of the blue, I asked her something very peculiar.

" From what?"

" Your parents of course. They are just taking away your freedom."

" But I'm still happy. " Giving me a fake smile, she replied. 

" Do you ever feel like running away from your problems?" I asked her with keen eyes.

" Damn. I wish I could, but it's not possible. So, try to get along with your problems. That way it'll be less stressful." As expected, she tried to change the topic swiftly. I never heard her bad mouthing her parents. After all she's trying to get along with her problems which are her parents.

Isn't that frustrating?

I want her to tell me about everything just like I did to her. Am I that untrustworthy?

Will I ever get a chance to tell her that I have feelings for her ?

I want to confess my love but I couldn't risk our friendship. It was precious to me more than anything. Time went by although I stayed quite, hiding my feelings into my distinct heart.

Suddenly things changed a little when Stella became friends with Vanessa. From the beginning Stella was a simple girl. But Vanessa helped her to showcase her true beauty. A little amount of makeup was enough to make those boys fall in love with her. Until now no one was interested in her. Stella's popularity increased. Guys were proposing to her.

Unlike those fools, I had already avowed the true worth of her. Because I fell in love with her soul which was thousands time more mesmerising than the way she looked. But what's the point? I never told her how much I love her. Maybe this is the time. I should confess to her. She needs to know about my unrequited love.

Then on a remorseful day, I found out something that broke my heart, completely.

Stella was not interested into men. She liked girls which was a shocking discovery for me. That was the reason why she kept on refusing those boys although I never saw her with any girl. The guy Vanessa liked, he proposed to Stella. Of course it made her extremely furious. Vanessa spread baseless rumours about Stella. Later on Stella confess about her sėxuȧŀ orientation.

This incident put a crack into our friendship. I was not ready to process the whole thing. My untold confession was coerced to stay covert at this point. I begun to avoid her often and eventually I ended up ghosting on her. I left for my college. We were still in touch but things were never normal again between us. In real I wanted to run away from that reality.

My life is Paris was glamorous. I was surrounded by the crowd yet it felt empty. Even though girls were always trying to get closer to me, I never paid any attention. It feels worthless. In my heart there was only one girl and she's gonna stay there forever.

Years went by then one day I received the wedding invitation from Stella. She was getting married. It's clear that her family forced her into it. So, there's no point in attending the ceremony. Later on I found out the truth. Stella was never interesting in girls. That small lie helped her to end those rumours. Vincent knew it all along.

Isn't that ironic?

Technically I never asked Stella about it which is why she didn't get a chance to clarify it. I avoided the topic since it made me feel upset.

I had to see her and tell her how I feel. That opportunity came soon. Neil invites me to his parent's wedding anniversary. That was the first time when I met Stella's husband. The moment I saw him, my body was shaking with rage.

How dare he take what was supposed to be mine?

From the beginning I was with Stella. My feelings for her have been true. Then suddenly a random guy comes and takes away the girl I loved all these years. It's unacceptable to me. I begun to think of ways to frame Theo. I investigated him to find some dirt on him. Sadly it backfired me.

" I always looked at you as my best friend and even if you have confessed your feelings for me I would have never liked you." Stella's word rang through my ears, making me realise the bitter truth. That's right. She always treated me as a good friend. It was only me who kept on loving her.

After all the scheming and plotting I had to give up my selfish dėsɨrė. Because I was hurting Stella. That was not my intention. Theo is a good guy. I was just blinded by my jealousy. If Stella is happy with him then I should support them.

I went back to Paris. The only thing that kept me distracted from real world was my work. Thanks to the hard work, my career improved rapidly. Although one person didn't left my side during that time.

Megan knew that I love Stella. Yet she was ready to spend her life with me. At first I declined her offer. Why should she suffer? She deserves a lot better.

" You know there's someone else in my heart. Then why bother wasting your time on me?" I had already told her about it many times. She's so persistent! Isn't this more than enough?

" Don't you think we are kinda similar? You couldn't have Stella and I couldn't have you. I can understand your emotions, that's why I want to stay beside you." Keeping her eyes on me, Megan gave a bold reply.

" Even when I don't love you?"

" Yes. Even if you don't love me back I'll be by your side." Her mouth carved into a smile although her eyes were filled with remorse.

She stayed true to her words. I was tried of living with the melancholy. If she wants to take away some of my misery then why not give it a chance ? Two broken people can fix each other. We eventually got married.

At that time Stella was pregnant with her second child. I couldn't meet her when Issac was born. But this time I'll definitely go there. Megan was also pregnant with my child. Although she insisted me to go there or I may loose my chance of becoming the god father. Everyone was happy to see me at the hospital.

Few months later a new member joined my family. Megan gave me the greatest gift of my life. I became a father of a beautiful daughter. The day she was born, my life was blessed, filled with so much happiness. That's why I named her Beatrice which means the bringer of joy.

My love for Stella will stay the same but if there comes a time when I have to choose between Stella and Megan then I'll stay with Megan. She's my responsibility and I must give her all the happiness she deserves. Megan was my saviour when I lost my past. She held me tightly so that I won't fall into the depths of abyss. My bond with her only gotten stronger. 

Maybe in next life I can be with Stella.

~ to be continued




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