The world goes on as if nothing has happened.
Even if he was just now coming to his senses and feeling vaguely aware of the ground beneath his feet.
Rudrick stood staring at the sky for a while.
He doesn’t know how long.
He stood there until the sky, which was once so pitch-black he couldn’t see a thing, grew lighter and lighter until dawn broke.
And then the sun finally emerged, and the bitter morning broke.
As if time were a medicine, the emotions that had been stirring within him had calmed somewhat, and he found himself back at the castle, where his emotions had been swept away.
As he walked along, thinking about various things with cold thoughts in his head. He heard someone call out to him from a distance.
“Your Excellency!”
He thought he was walking aimlessly, but he found himself back at the Duke’s estate.
In the distance, a few familiar figures walked toward him, people he knew well.
They had been standing in front of him moments ago, chattering and fussing.
“Your Excellency, we believe it’s…”
“Ethan! Ethan has something to say.”
“When did I! No, that’s not it, Your Excellency… It’s so disgraceful…”
After looking for him for a while, the division commander’s face was covered with sweat.
Rudrick turned to him coldly and asked, ‘Where is Dahlia?’
He could tell what was on their minds by the way they were breathing heavily but unable to speak.
“Where’s Dahlia?”
“She’s gone home.”
“Of course. It’s late, and the day has passed.”
Someone beside him added as they walked silently into the mansion.
“I barely managed to talk her out of staying at the mansion, though, so I sent her off. I’m sure she was worried about you leaving so suddenly…”
Ethan Miller, who had been silent until just a moment ago, was speaking again.
The division commanders, who thought that the whole thing was over because of the agitation that Ethan had started, silenced him with their fists, and for a while, there was a quiet uproar on Rudrick’s side.
But Rudrick didn’t care.
He didn’t give them his usual icy glare, nor did he say a word to them to get lost.
The division commanders, sensing something was amiss, fell silent once again, and eventually, as they glared at each other, someone stepped forward.
“Now… What are you going to do?”
It was Ruth Fedex, the most rational of the division commanders.
But remembering that he’d been one of the ones who’d been thrilled just moments before, Rudrick glanced at him and replied.
“What.”
“What’s coming… in the future. Like, whether we’re returning to the North…”
Rudrik paused, involuntarily.
‘Return?’
Now that he thought about it, he had no reason to stay in the capital any longer.
He’d been putting off everything he needed to do, thinking that his relationship with Dahlia came first, but now there was no reason for that.
All the time he’d spent so far had been for nothing and worst of all…
‘Because it won’t be reciprocated.’
Even if I finally realized what I felt, it wouldn’t matter.
He remembered it clearly now. No, maybe he would never forget.
The name that had come out of nowhere as he waited for her to answer. The way his heart sank for a moment.
And at the same time, he felt hopeless.
What could he do in a situation like that, when she was looking at someone else entirely, apart from having no feelings for him?
I’ve always been taught that if I don’t think I have a chance, I should quickly give up and look for another path.
Perhaps now was the time to do so. It was a bit bittersweet to have to quit before I could share my first realization.
“… Maybe, I should go back,” Rudrick said with resignation.
Since it had come to this anyway, he might as well give up his insistence on not going until winter and return to the north as soon as possible with reinforcements, as the Emperor said…
“And the princess?”
Until I heard the words.
“What?”
“Ah, no, come to think of it, I think that’s why you’re here in the first place…”
Leona Selvig, who had actually spoken up, looked around in confusion.
She’d expected him to know, but when he looked at her as if he hadn’t thought of it, she was taken aback.
And she was right. Rudrick felt like he’d been slapped in the face.
“Yes, the reason she came here in the first place.”
Wasn’t she about to tell him that she was going north with him?
No, now that was a false premise.
To be more precise, following someone you have a crush on, even if at first I thought it was you, but it turned out to be a ridiculous mistake.
‘River Goldman.’
Dahlia’s words meant ‘following Goldman’ to the North.
Thud—
Rudrick stopped dead in his tracks.
Then the divisional commanders, who had been following him with great difficulty, stopped at the same time, and the sight of his face, which was not so grave as it had been before, but completely straightened, made them ponder.
“If you ask me to take Lord Goldman out of the reinforcements,” one of the division commanders said.
“Then the Princess will not go?”
“Ah, then it will be just the two of them that remain in the capital…”
“Hey!”
With the mess they were in once again, Rudrick couldn’t afford to turn them away; he had only just realized the gravity of the situation.
“But even if we went together…”
“Then how do you keep a princess from going there…”
“Didn’t you see her face? She looks like she’d follow him anywhere.”
I was right about the division commanders’ snide remarks.
Even if he gave up on the idea and went north, as long as River Goldman was with him, Dahlia would follow.
Then he would have to watch her flirt with Goldman right in front of him.
It wouldn’t matter if he asked her to leave Goldman out of it, because then, as he said, it would be just the two of them in the capital.
For now, he’s standing by her side, but what happens when he’s out of the way?
It’s obvious. Dahlia, who has always had a knack for action, may soon be sending a letter to the North.
Dahlia’s marrying Goldman. Sending the wedding invitation to…
An eerie grunt escaped from Rudrick’s tightly clenched teeth.
The division commanders, who had been chattering among themselves about when they had heard it before, looked at him as if he were a ghost.
“I should see it…”
Rudrick’s piercing eyes flashed with ferocity.
Why hadn’t I thought of that?
Even if the odds were stacked against him, even if he had to give up on her, even if he had to stay and watch her.
Or more precisely, that he would have to see her with another man.
She’s my friend, and I’ve known her since we were kids.
Now, I can’t just ignore her because I don’t want to continue being friends, and I can’t just stand by and wish her happiness like a normal friend.
Even now, the thought of Goldman’s cocky behavior around Dahlia makes my stomach turn.
The thought of Goldman, or any other man for that matter-marrying Dahlia, having children, living happily ever after.
To feel this way for the rest of his life? Until when? Until his heart grew numb to her?
‘I can’t.’
Rudrick insisted.
‘Watching her like that would drive even me insane before my feelings for her would grow numb. I must do something before then.’
Never seeing her again, or living with her for the rest of his life.
“Right, that would be fine.” (Rudrick)
“Yeah, yes…?”
“Tell the emperor that I’m going to the north right away, with no change in personnel.”
If the odds are stacked against me, I’ll make the odds in my favor, and if she doesn’t feel anything for me, I’ll make her fall in love with me.
And if I think about it, they haven’t even confessed to each other, so they’re not a couple yet, right?
Rudrick gritted his teeth and smiled wryly.
“Let’s go somewhere together,” he said, determined to keep her from ever confessing.
✿
“Why do I feel so cold?”
I rubbed my arms, shivering at the sudden goosebumps.
Hestia, who was packing her things in front of me, shrugged and pointed to the window.
“There’s no wind, do you want to close the windows?”
“No, I’m not exactly cold…”
I grunted, rubbing the back of my neck.
‘Must be due to the lack of sleep.’
I’ve had more than a few things on my mind lately, including getting ready to head up north and finishing up all the work I had left to do, but not the least of which was…
‘What the hell was that?’
Rudrick asked, stepping in the snow.
It had been several days since I had returned from Duke Bouser’s estate.
At first, I was very embarrassed.
The reactions of the division commanders, who reacted as if they knew exactly about my slip of the tongue, and Rudrick, who remained stoic and silent, were very different from my expectations.
I thought they were going to ask me what I meant, but they just looked at me as if they knew something.
I was embarrassed and thought, ‘Did I give away too much?’ but also thought, ‘Should I tell them everything now?’
Whether I stayed in the North or not, sooner or later I would be engaged to Lord River, and they would know all about it, and I suspected they knew the answer and were just asking me.
So I just made up my mind and said, ‘What, you already knew?’
All I got back were stunned gazes.
I swear, I still remember it. The scene in the room, all of a sudden, turned into chaos.
As soon as I uttered Lord River’s name, Rudrick sprang to action and stormed out of the room, leaving the division commanders gaping at me with eyes so wide they seemed to bulge out of their sockets.
There was a chilling silence in the room, and it was Sir Ruth who broke it.
‘Well, I think it best I follow your Excellency.’
With those words, Sir Ruth hurried away, leaving the other division commanders to regain their senses.
Their eyes flicked from the door, back to me, and then again to the door in confusion, but then they seemed to make up their minds, and one by one they bowed politely to me. Then they turned and ran out the door in a huff.
I could only stare in disbelief.
I had no idea what was going on, and I could see the disappointment in their eyes as they turned to face me.
Likewise, I tried to grab the last one to leave, Lord Leona, but like the others, she just shot me the same confused look, and…
‘Fighting!’
And with that, she disappeared.
I was left alone, dumbfounded at the absurdity of the whole situation, and could only shout in frustration as I regained my senses.
“What is going on!”
The world goes on as if nothing has happened.
Even if he was just now coming to his senses and feeling vaguely aware of the ground beneath his feet.
Rudrick stood staring at the sky for a while.
He doesn’t know how long.
He stood there until the sky, which was once so pitch-black he couldn’t see a thing, grew lighter and lighter until dawn broke.
And then the sun finally emerged, and the bitter morning broke.
As if time were a medicine, the emotions that had been stirring within him had calmed somewhat, and he found himself back at the castle, where his emotions had been swept away.
As he walked along, thinking about various things with cold thoughts in his head. He heard someone call out to him from a distance.
“Your Excellency!”
He thought he was walking aimlessly, but he found himself back at the Duke’s estate.
In the distance, a few familiar figures walked toward him, people he knew well.
They had been standing in front of him moments ago, chattering and fussing.
“Your Excellency, we believe it’s…”
“Ethan! Ethan has something to say.”
“When did I! No, that’s not it, Your Excellency… It’s so disgraceful…”
After looking for him for a while, the division commander’s face was covered with sweat.
Rudrick turned to him coldly and asked, ‘Where is Dahlia?’
He could tell what was on their minds by the way they were breathing heavily but unable to speak.
“Where’s Dahlia?”
“She’s gone home.”
“Of course. It’s late, and the day has passed.”
Someone beside him added as they walked silently into the mansion.
“I barely managed to talk her out of staying at the mansion, though, so I sent her off. I’m sure she was worried about you leaving so suddenly…”
Ethan Miller, who had been silent until just a moment ago, was speaking again.
The division commanders, who thought that the whole thing was over because of the agitation that Ethan had started, silenced him with their fists, and for a while, there was a quiet uproar on Rudrick’s side.
But Rudrick didn’t care.
He didn’t give them his usual icy glare, nor did he say a word to them to get lost.
The division commanders, sensing something was amiss, fell silent once again, and eventually, as they glared at each other, someone stepped forward.
“Now… What are you going to do?”
It was Ruth Fedex, the most rational of the division commanders.
But remembering that he’d been one of the ones who’d been thrilled just moments before, Rudrick glanced at him and replied.
“What.”
“What’s coming… in the future. Like, whether we’re returning to the North…”
Rudrik paused, involuntarily.
‘Return?’
Now that he thought about it, he had no reason to stay in the capital any longer.
He’d been putting off everything he needed to do, thinking that his relationship with Dahlia came first, but now there was no reason for that.
All the time he’d spent so far had been for nothing and worst of all…
‘Because it won’t be reciprocated.’
Even if I finally realized what I felt, it wouldn’t matter.
He remembered it clearly now. No, maybe he would never forget.
The name that had come out of nowhere as he waited for her to answer. The way his heart sank for a moment.
And at the same time, he felt hopeless.
What could he do in a situation like that, when she was looking at someone else entirely, apart from having no feelings for him?
I’ve always been taught that if I don’t think I have a chance, I should quickly give up and look for another path.
Perhaps now was the time to do so. It was a bit bittersweet to have to quit before I could share my first realization.
“… Maybe, I should go back,” Rudrick said with resignation.
Since it had come to this anyway, he might as well give up his insistence on not going until winter and return to the north as soon as possible with reinforcements, as the Emperor said…
“And the princess?”
Until I heard the words.
“What?”
“Ah, no, come to think of it, I think that’s why you’re here in the first place…”
Leona Selvig, who had actually spoken up, looked around in confusion.
She’d expected him to know, but when he looked at her as if he hadn’t thought of it, she was taken aback.
And she was right. Rudrick felt like he’d been slapped in the face.
“Yes, the reason she came here in the first place.”
Wasn’t she about to tell him that she was going north with him?
No, now that was a false premise.
To be more precise, following someone you have a crush on, even if at first I thought it was you, but it turned out to be a ridiculous mistake.
‘River Goldman.’
Dahlia’s words meant ‘following Goldman’ to the North.
Thud—
Rudrick stopped dead in his tracks.
Then the divisional commanders, who had been following him with great difficulty, stopped at the same time, and the sight of his face, which was not so grave as it had been before, but completely straightened, made them ponder.
“If you ask me to take Lord Goldman out of the reinforcements,” one of the division commanders said.
“Then the Princess will not go?”
“Ah, then it will be just the two of them that remain in the capital…”
“Hey!”
With the mess they were in once again, Rudrick couldn’t afford to turn them away; he had only just realized the gravity of the situation.
“But even if we went together…”
“Then how do you keep a princess from going there…”
“Didn’t you see her face? She looks like she’d follow him anywhere.”
I was right about the division commanders’ snide remarks.
Even if he gave up on the idea and went north, as long as River Goldman was with him, Dahlia would follow.
Then he would have to watch her flirt with Goldman right in front of him.
It wouldn’t matter if he asked her to leave Goldman out of it, because then, as he said, it would be just the two of them in the capital.
For now, he’s standing by her side, but what happens when he’s out of the way?
It’s obvious. Dahlia, who has always had a knack for action, may soon be sending a letter to the North.
Dahlia’s marrying Goldman. Sending the wedding invitation to…
An eerie grunt escaped from Rudrick’s tightly clenched teeth.
The division commanders, who had been chattering among themselves about when they had heard it before, looked at him as if he were a ghost.
“I should see it…”
Rudrick’s piercing eyes flashed with ferocity.
Why hadn’t I thought of that?
Even if the odds were stacked against him, even if he had to give up on her, even if he had to stay and watch her.
Or more precisely, that he would have to see her with another man.
She’s my friend, and I’ve known her since we were kids.
Now, I can’t just ignore her because I don’t want to continue being friends, and I can’t just stand by and wish her happiness like a normal friend.
Even now, the thought of Goldman’s cocky behavior around Dahlia makes my stomach turn.
The thought of Goldman, or any other man for that matter-marrying Dahlia, having children, living happily ever after.
To feel this way for the rest of his life? Until when? Until his heart grew numb to her?
‘I can’t.’
Rudrick insisted.
‘Watching her like that would drive even me insane before my feelings for her would grow numb. I must do something before then.’
Never seeing her again, or living with her for the rest of his life.
“Right, that would be fine.” (Rudrick)
“Yeah, yes…?”
“Tell the emperor that I’m going to the north right away, with no change in personnel.”
If the odds are stacked against me, I’ll make the odds in my favor, and if she doesn’t feel anything for me, I’ll make her fall in love with me.
And if I think about it, they haven’t even confessed to each other, so they’re not a couple yet, right?
Rudrick gritted his teeth and smiled wryly.
“Let’s go somewhere together,” he said, determined to keep her from ever confessing.
✿
“Why do I feel so cold?”
I rubbed my arms, shivering at the sudden goosebumps.
Hestia, who was packing her things in front of me, shrugged and pointed to the window.
“There’s no wind, do you want to close the windows?”
“No, I’m not exactly cold…”
I grunted, rubbing the back of my neck.
‘Must be due to the lack of sleep.’
I’ve had more than a few things on my mind lately, including getting ready to head up north and finishing up all the work I had left to do, but not the least of which was…
‘What the hell was that?’
Rudrick asked, stepping in the snow.
It had been several days since I had returned from Duke Bouser’s estate.
At first, I was very embarrassed.
The reactions of the division commanders, who reacted as if they knew exactly about my slip of the tongue, and Rudrick, who remained stoic and silent, were very different from my expectations.
I thought they were going to ask me what I meant, but they just looked at me as if they knew something.
I was embarrassed and thought, ‘Did I give away too much?’ but also thought, ‘Should I tell them everything now?’
Whether I stayed in the North or not, sooner or later I would be engaged to Lord River, and they would know all about it, and I suspected they knew the answer and were just asking me.
So I just made up my mind and said, ‘What, you already knew?’
All I got back were stunned gazes.
I swear, I still remember it. The scene in the room, all of a sudden, turned into chaos.
As soon as I uttered Lord River’s name, Rudrick sprang to action and stormed out of the room, leaving the division commanders gaping at me with eyes so wide they seemed to bulge out of their sockets.
There was a chilling silence in the room, and it was Sir Ruth who broke it.
‘Well, I think it best I follow your Excellency.’
With those words, Sir Ruth hurried away, leaving the other division commanders to regain their senses.
Their eyes flicked from the door, back to me, and then again to the door in confusion, but then they seemed to make up their minds, and one by one they bowed politely to me. Then they turned and ran out the door in a huff.
I could only stare in disbelief.
I had no idea what was going on, and I could see the disappointment in their eyes as they turned to face me.
Likewise, I tried to grab the last one to leave, Lord Leona, but like the others, she just shot me the same confused look, and…
‘Fighting!’
And with that, she disappeared.
I was left alone, dumbfounded at the absurdity of the whole situation, and could only shout in frustration as I regained my senses.
“What is going on!”
