A childhood friend of mine, whom I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years, had a strange crush on me.
It was the ‘he likes me’ thing…
‘No, that can’t be.’
What on earth could he possibly like about me?
And I couldn’t understand it anymore. I thought that if he knew my true self, the one who was faithful to my desires as a child, he would never see me as a woman.
Wasn’t it obvious?
I teased him, asking him to say ‘darling,’ dressed him up in a pink frilly dress, and tried to get him to say that embarrassing line, all the while hovering over him like a pervert.
Where was the room for excitement in that?
Or was it that I was pretty enough to cancel out the fact that I hadn’t seen him in ten years?
‘Yeah, I guess that’s possible.’
What could possibly be?
I racked my brain. If he didn’t like me He had one more good reason not to like me.
‘I thought you said you’d be friends with me forever.’
I still remember it vividly.
He said that he wanted to stay friends with me and stay together until the end.
At that time, ‘marriage’ meant ‘unhappiness’ to him.
He grew up with parents who were cold, distant, and bickered whenever they could, so he thought that a family would only bring him misery, not stability.
What’s more, his family had just collapsed. That must have been very traumatizing for him, and it would have solidified his values instead of changing them.
So I assumed that even if he liked me, he would deny it. Or hide it until the end.
He was unusually obsessed with being around me rather than progressing in our relationship, which, in retrospect, was his way of showing me affection. I thought I respected him enough to do that.
But then one day he changed.
‘Why?’
The answer came quickly again, for there was only one thing to which he was unusually sensitive.
‘Because of Lord River?’
In that sense, the male protagonist was indeed the embodiment of jealousy.
The only reason he realizes his feelings for me was due to jealousy.
At one point, I wondered if he was too obsessed with his friend, but I realized that it was because he liked me…
‘No, why am I assuming he likes me again…!’
I had to let out a muffled scream as I tried to list all the reasons why he wouldn’t like me.
Seriously, it’s a good thing I was alone in the carriage.
Otherwise, I’d be staring blankly at the ceiling.
I’d suddenly start clutching my head, mumbling something again, and then have a breakdown, and if anyone else saw me, they’d think I was crazy.
‘I need ventilation, ventilation.’
I grabbed the cloth by the window, feeling a sense of urgency.
The cold breeze was blowing in any way, but I wanted to look at the blue sky and calm myself down.
With a flick of the cloth, I saw a procession of horses traveling through the barren northern landscape.
At the same time, as always, I was woken up by a fierce wind that whipped my cheeks.
I leaned against the window for a moment to catch the cool breeze, and Lord Leona, who had been riding close beside and escorting me, spoke warmly to me.
“Are you bored, my lady?”
“Yeah, well, I just wanted to get some air.”
“You mean the kind of wind that’s so cold you’d be sick for a month?”
“Just the right breeze, then.”
We giggled as we exchanged nonsensical comments.
After all, chatting with her was the only thing I could do to vent my frustrations.
“If you’re bored, bear with me, we’re almost there.”
“Really? That’s faster than I thought.”
“Yes. Actually, we could get there faster, but…”
“Is that because of me?”
Lord Leona laughed uncomfortably, and Sir Ethan, who had been watching our conversation from the back, came up beside her.
“Still, the princess paid for the portal, so we’re honestly ahead of schedule, aren’t we?”
“Yes, and she’s held up better than I thought she would in this carriage.”
“Yeah, I honestly thought the carriage was going to fall apart halfway through the ride, but it didn’t…”
I held up well, though I did vomit a couple of times and nearly fainted several times.
I narrowed my eyes and asked them accusingly, “That’s a compliment, right?”
“Well, yes. Ah, there it is!”
Lord Leona pointed off in the distance, and I turned my head in the direction, feigning foolishness, and let out a small exclamation of appreciation.
There, unlike the capital, was a black mark on a steeply rising hill, though it wasn’t just a black mark, it jutted upward, giving the impression of a giant ‘castle’.
In a way, that was the real ‘home’ of the Dukes of Bouser, a family that has been around for centuries.
Ever since I promised Rudrick that I would visit the North, I had imagined it, but it was a different feeling to see the Bouser castle in person.
As I stared at the castle, immersed in the strange feeling of ‘finally fulfilling a promise’, they joined me in looking at the castle, and said in a somewhat exhausted voice.
“Ah… You’ve really made it to the Duke’s residence. Honestly, I preferred it when we were in the capital.”
“Ugh… Seriously, I’m already getting goosebumps going to a place that doesn’t even seem to be inhabited by him, we should stay here for a while and then go down to the village…
“Where he doesn’t seem to live?”
I glanced back at them, surprised by the harshness of their assessment. Sensing my gaze, they paused for a moment, then spoke up.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, since you’re expecting so much, but…but the truth is, the ducal residence isn’t that nice.”
“That’s right, compared to that, Averine Dukedom is heaven. It’s warm and sunny, and the people are bright and cheerful.”
“I get the cold and the lack of sun, but… What about the liveliness?”
“Oh, well…”
Lord Leona glanced around for a moment, then lowered her voice as if to say something.
“It’s a bit… It looks like a dead place.”
“A dead place?”
“Yes. It’s cold and damp, like underground, and there’s not much sunlight up north in the first place, so the people are all a bit… I mean, the duke’s a bit.”
“It’s worse.”
“How bad?”
“Yeah, they’re all scattering in fear, and someone says it’s like a rat’s den…”
“Hey, His Excellency hears you!”
I wondered how Rudrick, who should be at the head of the line, could hear.
What I was even more curious about was the state of the dukedom. Of course, there’s no duchess to take care of it, and Rudrick has gone off to war, so it’s supposed to be unattended, but it looks like it’s in worse shape than I thought…
When I looked at him with a bewildered expression, Sir Ethan, who had a somewhat bitter look on his face, cut me short.
“Well, you’ll see what I mean when you get there.”
I nodded stiffly.
And just as I was about to pull the cloth back down and return to its original state, Lord Leona’s exasperated voice interrupted.
“Wait, don’t you mean to tell me that there’s a First Division general there now?”
“Uh… of course there is, His Excellency sent him first, and he’s guarding the ducal residence.”
“Ah! Damn it, I’ll see his stupid face as soon as I get there.”
“The captain of the First Division?”
Lord Leona’s sour comment piqued my curiosity once again.
Now that I thought about it, she’d been squirming with disgust every time the subject of the First Division commander came up.
Of course, he was a major character in the original story, so I had some idea what to expect.
And just as I expected, Lord Leona’s scowling gaze was returned immediately.
But her next words were a little different, “Come to think of it, I should have told you, Princess, but I forgot. Be careful, too. The one in charge of the First Division.”
“Be careful?”
“Eh, there’s still an official status difference, so he wouldn’t do something like that to the princess anyway, would he?”
“Don’t you know his values? The Imperial law can’t make him bow down to anyone. He doesn’t treat anyone but himself and the Lord as people.”
“No, I don’t know what his values are….”
To my embarrassment, I heard two voices at once.
“He’s a prick.”
“That’s nasty.”
That doesn’t sound good. I nodded quickly.
But Lord Leona, who had been running her mouth nonstop since the subject of the First Division came up, regarded me as if I were a drowning child, and her concern was palpable.
“Be very careful. Avoid running into him as much as possible, and if you do, pretend he doesn’t exist, and whatever he says is nonsense and goes in one ear and out the other…”
She gave me a reassuring smile, and I wondered if she didn’t realize that by saying it like that, she was actually piquing my curiosity.
“Don’t worry.”
Because honestly, if they’re tough, I won’t lose.
She seemed to think I was docile because I hadn’t shown them my full self yet, but I’m not a pushover by any means.
I’m not going to sit back and watch it happen. I give back tenfold as soon as I receive it because that’s what I do.
And I honestly thought she wasn’t exaggerating.
If he’s such a wretch in the first place, I thought, how could he be under Rudrick, with my rank and status, he wouldn’t be so blunt with me.
I pitched the cloth without a care in the world and leaned back into the wagon, closing my eyes for a moment to think.
‘I can’t wait to get there so I can lay down.’
Little did I know that what they said was true.
True to Lord Leona’s word, we were soon at the Duke’s estate.
Actually, I mean ‘soon’ because it was the middle of the night when the march reached the actual castle.
As someone had warned me, the road up to the ducal residence was steeper and more difficult than the other roads. I had to struggle to hold on to the rattling carriage as if it would collapse at any moment.
Thankfully, my mind was clear, but my body was more exhausted than usual, and when the carriage finally stopped, I wanted to scream with joy.
‘At last…’
I resisted the urge to jump out of the carriage for dignity’s sake.
There were already people out in front of the ducal residence to greet us, and I didn’t want to be too rude.
Pushing down my excitement, I stood and waited for the knight to open the door.
Soon enough, the carriage door opened, and I had barely stepped out of the carriage, holding the hand of the knight who had come to escort me, when I saw…!
A childhood friend of mine, whom I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years, had a strange crush on me.
It was the ‘he likes me’ thing…
‘No, that can’t be.’
What on earth could he possibly like about me?
And I couldn’t understand it anymore. I thought that if he knew my true self, the one who was faithful to my desires as a child, he would never see me as a woman.
Wasn’t it obvious?
I teased him, asking him to say ‘darling,’ dressed him up in a pink frilly dress, and tried to get him to say that embarrassing line, all the while hovering over him like a pervert.
Where was the room for excitement in that?
Or was it that I was pretty enough to cancel out the fact that I hadn’t seen him in ten years?
‘Yeah, I guess that’s possible.’
What could possibly be?
I racked my brain. If he didn’t like me He had one more good reason not to like me.
‘I thought you said you’d be friends with me forever.’
I still remember it vividly.
He said that he wanted to stay friends with me and stay together until the end.
At that time, ‘marriage’ meant ‘unhappiness’ to him.
He grew up with parents who were cold, distant, and bickered whenever they could, so he thought that a family would only bring him misery, not stability.
What’s more, his family had just collapsed. That must have been very traumatizing for him, and it would have solidified his values instead of changing them.
So I assumed that even if he liked me, he would deny it. Or hide it until the end.
He was unusually obsessed with being around me rather than progressing in our relationship, which, in retrospect, was his way of showing me affection. I thought I respected him enough to do that.
But then one day he changed.
‘Why?’
The answer came quickly again, for there was only one thing to which he was unusually sensitive.
‘Because of Lord River?’
In that sense, the male protagonist was indeed the embodiment of jealousy.
The only reason he realizes his feelings for me was due to jealousy.
At one point, I wondered if he was too obsessed with his friend, but I realized that it was because he liked me…
‘No, why am I assuming he likes me again…!’
I had to let out a muffled scream as I tried to list all the reasons why he wouldn’t like me.
Seriously, it’s a good thing I was alone in the carriage.
Otherwise, I’d be staring blankly at the ceiling.
I’d suddenly start clutching my head, mumbling something again, and then have a breakdown, and if anyone else saw me, they’d think I was crazy.
‘I need ventilation, ventilation.’
I grabbed the cloth by the window, feeling a sense of urgency.
The cold breeze was blowing in any way, but I wanted to look at the blue sky and calm myself down.
With a flick of the cloth, I saw a procession of horses traveling through the barren northern landscape.
At the same time, as always, I was woken up by a fierce wind that whipped my cheeks.
I leaned against the window for a moment to catch the cool breeze, and Lord Leona, who had been riding close beside and escorting me, spoke warmly to me.
“Are you bored, my lady?”
“Yeah, well, I just wanted to get some air.”
“You mean the kind of wind that’s so cold you’d be sick for a month?”
“Just the right breeze, then.”
We giggled as we exchanged nonsensical comments.
After all, chatting with her was the only thing I could do to vent my frustrations.
“If you’re bored, bear with me, we’re almost there.”
“Really? That’s faster than I thought.”
“Yes. Actually, we could get there faster, but…”
“Is that because of me?”
Lord Leona laughed uncomfortably, and Sir Ethan, who had been watching our conversation from the back, came up beside her.
“Still, the princess paid for the portal, so we’re honestly ahead of schedule, aren’t we?”
“Yes, and she’s held up better than I thought she would in this carriage.”
“Yeah, I honestly thought the carriage was going to fall apart halfway through the ride, but it didn’t…”
I held up well, though I did vomit a couple of times and nearly fainted several times.
I narrowed my eyes and asked them accusingly, “That’s a compliment, right?”
“Well, yes. Ah, there it is!”
Lord Leona pointed off in the distance, and I turned my head in the direction, feigning foolishness, and let out a small exclamation of appreciation.
There, unlike the capital, was a black mark on a steeply rising hill, though it wasn’t just a black mark, it jutted upward, giving the impression of a giant ‘castle’.
In a way, that was the real ‘home’ of the Dukes of Bouser, a family that has been around for centuries.
Ever since I promised Rudrick that I would visit the North, I had imagined it, but it was a different feeling to see the Bouser castle in person.
As I stared at the castle, immersed in the strange feeling of ‘finally fulfilling a promise’, they joined me in looking at the castle, and said in a somewhat exhausted voice.
“Ah… You’ve really made it to the Duke’s residence. Honestly, I preferred it when we were in the capital.”
“Ugh… Seriously, I’m already getting goosebumps going to a place that doesn’t even seem to be inhabited by him, we should stay here for a while and then go down to the village…
“Where he doesn’t seem to live?”
I glanced back at them, surprised by the harshness of their assessment. Sensing my gaze, they paused for a moment, then spoke up.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, since you’re expecting so much, but…but the truth is, the ducal residence isn’t that nice.”
“That’s right, compared to that, Averine Dukedom is heaven. It’s warm and sunny, and the people are bright and cheerful.”
“I get the cold and the lack of sun, but… What about the liveliness?”
“Oh, well…”
Lord Leona glanced around for a moment, then lowered her voice as if to say something.
“It’s a bit… It looks like a dead place.”
“A dead place?”
“Yes. It’s cold and damp, like underground, and there’s not much sunlight up north in the first place, so the people are all a bit… I mean, the duke’s a bit.”
“It’s worse.”
“How bad?”
“Yeah, they’re all scattering in fear, and someone says it’s like a rat’s den…”
“Hey, His Excellency hears you!”
I wondered how Rudrick, who should be at the head of the line, could hear.
What I was even more curious about was the state of the dukedom. Of course, there’s no duchess to take care of it, and Rudrick has gone off to war, so it’s supposed to be unattended, but it looks like it’s in worse shape than I thought…
When I looked at him with a bewildered expression, Sir Ethan, who had a somewhat bitter look on his face, cut me short.
“Well, you’ll see what I mean when you get there.”
I nodded stiffly.
And just as I was about to pull the cloth back down and return to its original state, Lord Leona’s exasperated voice interrupted.
“Wait, don’t you mean to tell me that there’s a First Division general there now?”
“Uh… of course there is, His Excellency sent him first, and he’s guarding the ducal residence.”
“Ah! Damn it, I’ll see his stupid face as soon as I get there.”
“The captain of the First Division?”
Lord Leona’s sour comment piqued my curiosity once again.
Now that I thought about it, she’d been squirming with disgust every time the subject of the First Division commander came up.
Of course, he was a major character in the original story, so I had some idea what to expect.
And just as I expected, Lord Leona’s scowling gaze was returned immediately.
But her next words were a little different, “Come to think of it, I should have told you, Princess, but I forgot. Be careful, too. The one in charge of the First Division.”
“Be careful?”
“Eh, there’s still an official status difference, so he wouldn’t do something like that to the princess anyway, would he?”
“Don’t you know his values? The Imperial law can’t make him bow down to anyone. He doesn’t treat anyone but himself and the Lord as people.”
“No, I don’t know what his values are….”
To my embarrassment, I heard two voices at once.
“He’s a prick.”
“That’s nasty.”
That doesn’t sound good. I nodded quickly.
But Lord Leona, who had been running her mouth nonstop since the subject of the First Division came up, regarded me as if I were a drowning child, and her concern was palpable.
“Be very careful. Avoid running into him as much as possible, and if you do, pretend he doesn’t exist, and whatever he says is nonsense and goes in one ear and out the other…”
She gave me a reassuring smile, and I wondered if she didn’t realize that by saying it like that, she was actually piquing my curiosity.
“Don’t worry.”
Because honestly, if they’re tough, I won’t lose.
She seemed to think I was docile because I hadn’t shown them my full self yet, but I’m not a pushover by any means.
I’m not going to sit back and watch it happen. I give back tenfold as soon as I receive it because that’s what I do.
And I honestly thought she wasn’t exaggerating.
If he’s such a wretch in the first place, I thought, how could he be under Rudrick, with my rank and status, he wouldn’t be so blunt with me.
I pitched the cloth without a care in the world and leaned back into the wagon, closing my eyes for a moment to think.
‘I can’t wait to get there so I can lay down.’
Little did I know that what they said was true.
True to Lord Leona’s word, we were soon at the Duke’s estate.
Actually, I mean ‘soon’ because it was the middle of the night when the march reached the actual castle.
As someone had warned me, the road up to the ducal residence was steeper and more difficult than the other roads. I had to struggle to hold on to the rattling carriage as if it would collapse at any moment.
Thankfully, my mind was clear, but my body was more exhausted than usual, and when the carriage finally stopped, I wanted to scream with joy.
‘At last…’
I resisted the urge to jump out of the carriage for dignity’s sake.
There were already people out in front of the ducal residence to greet us, and I didn’t want to be too rude.
Pushing down my excitement, I stood and waited for the knight to open the door.
Soon enough, the carriage door opened, and I had barely stepped out of the carriage, holding the hand of the knight who had come to escort me, when I saw…!
