Natalya forced her eyes open. Great fear showed on her as she then looked around. Her heart immediately calmed after seeing Mavin next to her. She held her head, then settled her head down on his chest.
“Nightmare, again,” she thought. “It’s always that way. In the end, I do end up your biggest enemy.”
She covered her chest with a blanket, and then stared at the ceiling for seconds before standing up. She walked out of the bed, pressed her arm across her chest. Natalya went to the shower, she bathed herself, and closed her eyes. After a moment of silence, she cleaned herself thoroughly, wrapped the towel like a tube dress around her body.
When she went out of the bathroom, she saw Mavin staring blankly at the windows. Lazon had this cool weather that would cause areas to be covered in this thin layer of fog.
Mavin stood up, walking to the bathroom, passing Natalya while still bare naked. Natalya glanced at him entering the shower, then walked to dress herself up. She sat in front of the mirror, powdering her face, and combing her hair. She traced the scar on her right and then thought if she should wear the eyepatch, usually she would just close her eye. But ever since she was cut off from the spark. That painful glare had started to appear again.
“What’s wrong?” Mavin appeared from the bathroom. Her husband had this quiet gait, he always walked by rolling the ball of his feet. He was like a feline predator that was always silent. Even with all her power back then, even when she got used to the way he fought, he was dangerous, and only through deception and claiming to be friendly that she was able to attack her.
The Magi Hunter, the Nuller’s Ghost. He was terrifying when he focused his attention on ‘hunting’ down any hostile enemy. What made him dangerous was that you could only fight him in close quarters, and even then she barely won. It got a bit easier as time passed, and most of the time she had to deal with his long-distance sniping.
She would not lose to him. But when she did win a contest of patience, she was sent back to the past. She did not want to return and return again. Of course, she had used various means to do so.
“My hated enemy, my constant river, my hunter,” she laughed inwardly. “Is now my husband?”
They say that the Gods like to play tricks. If this was their trick then she could accept it. Her husband was fit, had noble blood, a war hero, and before he knew that she was someone who he almost killed, and even before she knew he was the Ghost of Dinia. She thought fondly of him who danced with her in their time in Flost City.
Even before they met again in Flost, her eyes were drawn to him when he had offered advice to that man in the train headed to Flost. He had status, appearance, and although a bit twisted personality, she could accept him. Some of the women in this era might frown on her chasing after a man, but she did not follow those contrived rules anyway, in a sense she could be a contrarian who would rather attend a shooting club, than do a tea party. But she doesn’t hate such activities, she would dress herself pretty, and follow what she wanted to do. But even so everyone had their own taste, sense of style, and beliefs.
“Why am I thinking this early in the evening?” Natalya wiped the thought off her head. She looked around. Mavin had gotten out of the hotel. He was probably finding breakfast for them.
Natalya decided to wear her eyepatch this time. The eyepatch covered the scar on her face. She didn’t mind people talking about her scar, and even when she was missing an arm. She did not mind the looks that they placed on her. This was a time of war and people had started to familiarize themselves with prosthetics, and even walking metal giants are on their streets now. What more could they be surprised about?
“You up?” Mavin walked in. He carried a tray of food and placed it on the table. “I got us breakfast.”
“Meatloaf and eggs? This early? I understand eggs, but meatloaf?”
“Don’t make a fuss, come and eat.”
Natalya sat next to the table. She stared at the meatloaf and realized that they weren’t eating cattle. “Are these?”
“Demifiend meat,” Mavin said. “We made them into cattle and since their sizes are great, they are rather fertile. We have hordes of them.”
“Oh,” Natalya stabbed a slice and bit on it. “Had quite a peculiar taste, I didn’t really eat much when I was here in those visions.”
Natalya felt that those visions were semi-reality. She was there, felt like they were real, and had followed those visions. But those visions were nightmares in a way. It made her afraid, and at the same time dulled her sense of reality.
Natalya had not followed this path. She had been here to Tolea but never stayed here for too long. She went straight to the Capital of Greater Lazon, and did her business.
It was peaceful. She liked eating her breakfast meal, and staring at the drapes would be blown by the wind coming from the mountains of Lazon.
“Ah,” Natalya’s uncovered eye felt blurry. She placed her utensils down and looked at her palms. There were droplets on her palm and she felt her chest tightened. She held her chest and body-shaking sobs came out of her.
“Why?” Natalya tried to wipe away her tears, but she didn’t understand why she was crying. After being attuned to the spark, she had somewhat regained control of her right’s eye’s absurdly detailed view of the world. Because of this, she had lost that flow of spark that kept her calm all the time. Hence she had started smoking and drinking to replace what the spark had once done for her.
“I don't know what’s happening,” Natalya said while looking at Mavin.
Mavin stared at Natalya, dragged his chair next to her. “It’s your mental state, the spark should have reinforced your mind, and body. It’s natural that you’d stop being so calm. If you truly had gone through this ‘hell’ in your vision. Mental scars, no matter how tough you are, will always affect you.”
“I am not that weak,” Natalya insisted.
“You aren’t, but you have forgotten that Imperator’s Crest or not, you still are human after all.”
“Hah,” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t really know why I am crying for no reason.”
“You are simply at your breaking point, there are days where you just break down. Don’t take it too seriously.”
“I know, sorry for the trouble.”
“You’ve been through a lot. I don't know how to console you and honestly there is a part of me that doesn't want to. But if I can help, then just ask me and I’ll be there. In a way, even though it was forced by the Emperor, I am still your husband.”
“Thank you,” she found her heart calming. She wiped her face and then thoughts came crashing in her head. Fear and paranoia, and the thought of losing all of this polluted her mind.
What if she wakes up back in time again? What if she’d see another vision, and he wouldn’t be there? Does she have to do this again and again? The spark had been sealed, cut off, and she did not feel any of that attunement. Still, who wouldn’t be afraid to do it again and again?
Some might find the thought of such immortality wonderful, but she did not like it. An immortality based on the idea of someone’s death. It would have been fine if it was anyone, but seeing that he had to die in order for said power, she didn’t want it.
“I think I am afraid,” Natalya said loudly.
Mavin eyed him, nodded, and patted her shoulder. “It’s fine, just take it easy.”
She froze, slowly nodded, and resumed eating. She felt a pang of shame as she thought of why she was crying. After finishing her meal, she placed the utensils on the side, walked to the bathroom, turned the sink, and washed her face. Then she went back to the main room, grabbed her toothbrush, and cleaned her teeth, rinsed, and spat it on the sink. After cleaning herself, she wrapped herself in her coat. Mavin looked at her, then asked. “Are you fine?”
“I am. Sorry for the outburst.”
“No, it’s fine. I am used to it.”
Natalya waited. Mavin sighed, shoved his fists in pockets. “I fought in the field for five years, after that I spent two years delivering news, taking care of defectors, spies, and even consoling soldiers who had lost their limbs. Some had been broken by their fear, the constant shelling, and some were unable to accept that they lost brothers. Most of the soldiers who were drafted had this idea that once they entered the field, it would become an adventurer, a glory and they would become heroes. Some of them were slapped by reality, some broke down, and there are too many who turned their hatred to the Tripartite Alliance. How could this happen? What can they do now that they were crippled? Some accepted it, but broke at the thought of coming back alone.”
Mavin looked away. “One of those soldiers was blamed for leading his brothers. He came home alone, missing a left leg. The prosthetic allowed him to walk, and replaced that leg. He’ll receive his pension, and even acquire merit. But it won’t bring his brothers back, and the village would continue to blame him even though it was all their choices. There were even some who would refuse to allow me entry in their village. There are others who refuse to accept reality. One thing that I learned from those two years is that you cannot change someone, but you can influence them to think your way. Do you want to know what my favorite argument is when faced with people like that?”
Mavin laughed bitterly. “So you want them to die for nothing? That their sacrifice was worth nothing in the end? That even though they did their duties! They fought for their country, and the ones they gave their life for can’t even allow them to rest!”
Natalya looked at him. Mavin’s tone became subdued. “It always worked on them, and even then it felt painful. There are those who accept it, but I know that they are hiding their pain. So that’s why I can say that I am used to it. Hell, it’s already remarkable that despite your stay in the field for five years, you’ve been thrown into your own kind of hell and are able to walk and think. So...if you think that this will bother me, then I’ll make it clear. It doesn’t.”
Natalya saw that tired look on his face. At the same time she saw something else. “Do you enjoy helping people like this?”
“I told you about Kohl, right?”
“And his lover Maria, you do like to talk a lot about him.”
“If I wasn't found in that shell hole that day. And if I didn’t see him off and reunite with his dearest Maria. I think I might have lost it, and I might have gone a much harsher path.”
“Harsher than what you did?”
“Yes, but I wanted to believe in something. You talk about how I would become a Hunter of the Magi and the Nullers. I know that they won’t stop, and I know that they will continue to fight. That’s why I would probably hunt them down. Call me crazy, but meeting that bastard and then escorting him back home made me think of the path I would be choosing.”
Natalya always had thought about it. Even though it meant nothing to her. To Mavin, meeting this ‘Kohl’ and ‘Maria’ was the best thing that had happened to him.
And she came to realize that she would have met a much harsher monster if his soul wasn’t saved by these meetings. She shuddered at the thought of what he would have done if his soul wasn't saved by those two.
“You are so fond of them that it makes me jealous.”
“I am. They made me believe that it can be changed, truly,” Mavin smiled. It was a smile that Natalya thought to herself, that wanted to be directed to her.
Natalya forced her eyes open. Great fear showed on her as she then looked around. Her heart immediately calmed after seeing Mavin next to her. She held her head, then settled her head down on his chest.
“Nightmare, again,” she thought. “It’s always that way. In the end, I do end up your biggest enemy.”
She covered her chest with a blanket, and then stared at the ceiling for seconds before standing up. She walked out of the bed, pressed her arm across her chest. Natalya went to the shower, she bathed herself, and closed her eyes. After a moment of silence, she cleaned herself thoroughly, wrapped the towel like a tube dress around her body.
When she went out of the bathroom, she saw Mavin staring blankly at the windows. Lazon had this cool weather that would cause areas to be covered in this thin layer of fog.
Mavin stood up, walking to the bathroom, passing Natalya while still bare naked. Natalya glanced at him entering the shower, then walked to dress herself up. She sat in front of the mirror, powdering her face, and combing her hair. She traced the scar on her right and then thought if she should wear the eyepatch, usually she would just close her eye. But ever since she was cut off from the spark. That painful glare had started to appear again.
“What’s wrong?” Mavin appeared from the bathroom. Her husband had this quiet gait, he always walked by rolling the ball of his feet. He was like a feline predator that was always silent. Even with all her power back then, even when she got used to the way he fought, he was dangerous, and only through deception and claiming to be friendly that she was able to attack her.
The Magi Hunter, the Nuller’s Ghost. He was terrifying when he focused his attention on ‘hunting’ down any hostile enemy. What made him dangerous was that you could only fight him in close quarters, and even then she barely won. It got a bit easier as time passed, and most of the time she had to deal with his long-distance sniping.
She would not lose to him. But when she did win a contest of patience, she was sent back to the past. She did not want to return and return again. Of course, she had used various means to do so.
“My hated enemy, my constant river, my hunter,” she laughed inwardly. “Is now my husband?”
They say that the Gods like to play tricks. If this was their trick then she could accept it. Her husband was fit, had noble blood, a war hero, and before he knew that she was someone who he almost killed, and even before she knew he was the Ghost of Dinia. She thought fondly of him who danced with her in their time in Flost City.
Even before they met again in Flost, her eyes were drawn to him when he had offered advice to that man in the train headed to Flost. He had status, appearance, and although a bit twisted personality, she could accept him. Some of the women in this era might frown on her chasing after a man, but she did not follow those contrived rules anyway, in a sense she could be a contrarian who would rather attend a shooting club, than do a tea party. But she doesn’t hate such activities, she would dress herself pretty, and follow what she wanted to do. But even so everyone had their own taste, sense of style, and beliefs.
“Why am I thinking this early in the evening?” Natalya wiped the thought off her head. She looked around. Mavin had gotten out of the hotel. He was probably finding breakfast for them.
Natalya decided to wear her eyepatch this time. The eyepatch covered the scar on her face. She didn’t mind people talking about her scar, and even when she was missing an arm. She did not mind the looks that they placed on her. This was a time of war and people had started to familiarize themselves with prosthetics, and even walking metal giants are on their streets now. What more could they be surprised about?
“You up?” Mavin walked in. He carried a tray of food and placed it on the table. “I got us breakfast.”
“Meatloaf and eggs? This early? I understand eggs, but meatloaf?”
“Don’t make a fuss, come and eat.”
Natalya sat next to the table. She stared at the meatloaf and realized that they weren’t eating cattle. “Are these?”
“Demifiend meat,” Mavin said. “We made them into cattle and since their sizes are great, they are rather fertile. We have hordes of them.”
“Oh,” Natalya stabbed a slice and bit on it. “Had quite a peculiar taste, I didn’t really eat much when I was here in those visions.”
Natalya felt that those visions were semi-reality. She was there, felt like they were real, and had followed those visions. But those visions were nightmares in a way. It made her afraid, and at the same time dulled her sense of reality.
Natalya had not followed this path. She had been here to Tolea but never stayed here for too long. She went straight to the Capital of Greater Lazon, and did her business.
It was peaceful. She liked eating her breakfast meal, and staring at the drapes would be blown by the wind coming from the mountains of Lazon.
“Ah,” Natalya’s uncovered eye felt blurry. She placed her utensils down and looked at her palms. There were droplets on her palm and she felt her chest tightened. She held her chest and body-shaking sobs came out of her.
“Why?” Natalya tried to wipe away her tears, but she didn’t understand why she was crying. After being attuned to the spark, she had somewhat regained control of her right’s eye’s absurdly detailed view of the world. Because of this, she had lost that flow of spark that kept her calm all the time. Hence she had started smoking and drinking to replace what the spark had once done for her.
“I don't know what’s happening,” Natalya said while looking at Mavin.
Mavin stared at Natalya, dragged his chair next to her. “It’s your mental state, the spark should have reinforced your mind, and body. It’s natural that you’d stop being so calm. If you truly had gone through this ‘hell’ in your vision. Mental scars, no matter how tough you are, will always affect you.”
“I am not that weak,” Natalya insisted.
“You aren’t, but you have forgotten that Imperator’s Crest or not, you still are human after all.”
“Hah,” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t really know why I am crying for no reason.”
“You are simply at your breaking point, there are days where you just break down. Don’t take it too seriously.”
“I know, sorry for the trouble.”
“You’ve been through a lot. I don't know how to console you and honestly there is a part of me that doesn't want to. But if I can help, then just ask me and I’ll be there. In a way, even though it was forced by the Emperor, I am still your husband.”
“Thank you,” she found her heart calming. She wiped her face and then thoughts came crashing in her head. Fear and paranoia, and the thought of losing all of this polluted her mind.
What if she wakes up back in time again? What if she’d see another vision, and he wouldn’t be there? Does she have to do this again and again? The spark had been sealed, cut off, and she did not feel any of that attunement. Still, who wouldn’t be afraid to do it again and again?
Some might find the thought of such immortality wonderful, but she did not like it. An immortality based on the idea of someone’s death. It would have been fine if it was anyone, but seeing that he had to die in order for said power, she didn’t want it.
“I think I am afraid,” Natalya said loudly.
Mavin eyed him, nodded, and patted her shoulder. “It’s fine, just take it easy.”
She froze, slowly nodded, and resumed eating. She felt a pang of shame as she thought of why she was crying. After finishing her meal, she placed the utensils on the side, walked to the bathroom, turned the sink, and washed her face. Then she went back to the main room, grabbed her toothbrush, and cleaned her teeth, rinsed, and spat it on the sink. After cleaning herself, she wrapped herself in her coat. Mavin looked at her, then asked. “Are you fine?”
“I am. Sorry for the outburst.”
“No, it’s fine. I am used to it.”
Natalya waited. Mavin sighed, shoved his fists in pockets. “I fought in the field for five years, after that I spent two years delivering news, taking care of defectors, spies, and even consoling soldiers who had lost their limbs. Some had been broken by their fear, the constant shelling, and some were unable to accept that they lost brothers. Most of the soldiers who were drafted had this idea that once they entered the field, it would become an adventurer, a glory and they would become heroes. Some of them were slapped by reality, some broke down, and there are too many who turned their hatred to the Tripartite Alliance. How could this happen? What can they do now that they were crippled? Some accepted it, but broke at the thought of coming back alone.”
Mavin looked away. “One of those soldiers was blamed for leading his brothers. He came home alone, missing a left leg. The prosthetic allowed him to walk, and replaced that leg. He’ll receive his pension, and even acquire merit. But it won’t bring his brothers back, and the village would continue to blame him even though it was all their choices. There were even some who would refuse to allow me entry in their village. There are others who refuse to accept reality. One thing that I learned from those two years is that you cannot change someone, but you can influence them to think your way. Do you want to know what my favorite argument is when faced with people like that?”
Mavin laughed bitterly. “So you want them to die for nothing? That their sacrifice was worth nothing in the end? That even though they did their duties! They fought for their country, and the ones they gave their life for can’t even allow them to rest!”
Natalya looked at him. Mavin’s tone became subdued. “It always worked on them, and even then it felt painful. There are those who accept it, but I know that they are hiding their pain. So that’s why I can say that I am used to it. Hell, it’s already remarkable that despite your stay in the field for five years, you’ve been thrown into your own kind of hell and are able to walk and think. So...if you think that this will bother me, then I’ll make it clear. It doesn’t.”
Natalya saw that tired look on his face. At the same time she saw something else. “Do you enjoy helping people like this?”
“I told you about Kohl, right?”
“And his lover Maria, you do like to talk a lot about him.”
“If I wasn't found in that shell hole that day. And if I didn’t see him off and reunite with his dearest Maria. I think I might have lost it, and I might have gone a much harsher path.”
“Harsher than what you did?”
“Yes, but I wanted to believe in something. You talk about how I would become a Hunter of the Magi and the Nullers. I know that they won’t stop, and I know that they will continue to fight. That’s why I would probably hunt them down. Call me crazy, but meeting that bastard and then escorting him back home made me think of the path I would be choosing.”
Natalya always had thought about it. Even though it meant nothing to her. To Mavin, meeting this ‘Kohl’ and ‘Maria’ was the best thing that had happened to him.
And she came to realize that she would have met a much harsher monster if his soul wasn’t saved by these meetings. She shuddered at the thought of what he would have done if his soul wasn't saved by those two.
“You are so fond of them that it makes me jealous.”
“I am. They made me believe that it can be changed, truly,” Mavin smiled. It was a smile that Natalya thought to herself, that wanted to be directed to her.
