Chapter 190
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Xing slipped into a comfortable position to sleep when Shengli suddenly asked her that and she was confused for a while,
"No, nothing. I'll sleep now. You can leave whenever you want", she covered her head with the blanket facing the wall with only her hands visible and went silent.
Shengli just stared blankly at her and he felt annoyed by her attitude. She is not even going to show her face to me before leaving?
Shengli tried to pull the blanket down but before he could get the blanket Xing moved further inside the bed and Shengli's hand grabbed thin air.
Alright! I know she is hurt! But, This is going too far! Aren't I a victim too?
Shengli grabbed her hand that was holding the blanket forcefully and he could sense something odd in her thumb as she hissed in pain and Xing tried to pull her hand without letting him take a closer look and that piqued his interest more and he tried to get her hand but she hid her hands inside the blanket.
"Let me sleep", she pushed him away and he left her bedroom and closed the door behind him.
Actually he had tears in his eyes he wanted to hide as he had already seen what's in her hand.
Xing never grew out her nails as she always had found it a disturbance while using a sword. But one of the changes Shengli noted in her after she had entered the place is that she had grown out her nails, neatly pedicured them and coloured them even. He didn't mind it that much as he knew most women liked those sort of things and she took interest in those feminine things lately. But If he'd known she'd do such things to herself now, he'd have clipped those nails as his first priority.
Self harming!!!
She'd actually peeled the skin and dug a hole in her thumb near her nail! How could she? Was she that stressed? Why isn't she talking to me either? Doesn't she usually tell me everything? Is she angry at me?
Shengli sat on the doorstep leaning on the doorframe and he could hear the rustling wind that blew in the camellias in the garden all around.
"Bai Li", he called. Shengli wanted to know what happened after she came here. She wasn't that stressed when she was in the Audience Hall.
Bai Li told him how he smelt blood on her when those concubines were talking to her and he had to sent them away and treated her and she looked like she wasn't even aware of what's happening around her and after taking a bath, she looked different.
"What were they talking?", Shengli narrowed his eyes in Bai Li and Bai Li could see the helplessness in Shengli's eyes.
"Just those usual women talk... How that lass should not keep the Emperor to herself and let others share her... burden...to serve him? Whatever that means... And how everyone should have equal opportunity since all of them are sisters, some even called her names behind her back like .."
"Enough", Shengli said and he understood everything. He had known very well about this place after all. Even generations change, the things happen inside won't change.
But, Why must she let everything those women said get to her head? She used to be more rational and more decisive before... Since when did she become an emotional fool? And why isn't she telling me anything?
Is it because I forced her to take the title of Empress or is it because she doesn't want to make me feel worried?
I should have been the last person to tell her to take the title of the Empress, right? What a fool I was, she is not the Xing from before... She's not the one I left two months ago... Why didn't I see that before..?
Shengli contemplated for a while and decided against joining Shihong. He'd put his ideas of revenge aside and stay beside her until she gains her confidence back. With all the ups and downs they were facing these past days and his heartfelt confessions to her and her acting all mighty in the court today, he thought she was fine but she is not!
She is in a spiral of emotions that try to pull her to the deepest trenches of despair and even his words cannot pull her up. She must have known it... She must have... So she sealed her emotions... A last desperate attempt to protect herself. Humans are built that way, they want to survive somehow... But will her way work out?
Shengli knew there were two possible outcome if her bottled up emotions erupt out one day and she loses her bearing, she may implode and destroy herself or she may explode bringing down everything around her... Both are not to be accepted...
Xing who was sleeping peacefully as she had decided firmly not to hurt herself anymore after feeling the stingy pain in her finger during bath, had a dream. The dream was so vivid as if it was happening right in front of her and she could feel everything around her in that dream.
She was walking inside a cave with her feet bare and she felt the chill Ness in that cave.
A gentle but broken voice echoed in that mossy cave with a small trinkling stream was flowing through.
" My love... How I wish I could have joined you in meeting King Yan... Why do you have to leave and I'm here alone.. Suffering...? I'm despicable... I know that... But still.... How could you leave me alone...? Come take me... I don't want to be here alone... "
Xing could feel the pain and loneliness radiating from that sobbing person in her heart and her body felt heavy too.
Without knowing, Xing was already reaching to that figure sitting in the ground leaning on the rock with his knees bent and she was crying as she hugged that person who was so familiar...
I know you... Who are you..? Please don't cry...
As Xing's brain was close to find that answer she could feel another desperate cry, "Xing!". It was Shengli's voice drifting through that was pulling her away from the dream..
Wait... Let me hear what he is saying...
She could see that person looking at her, "I'm sorry...", Xing could see that lonely crying man's lips move but she could not get what he was saying and the Distance between her and him widened and soon everything turned bright as she was woken up.
When Xing came to, she was held closely in Shengli's arms and her entire face was wet and her breathing was irregular as if she had run a mile and her throat felt parched.
"Xing", Shengli held her close to his heart and almost suffocated her and she pushed him away and wiped her face with her sleeves.
"What happened, Xing", his eyes were lavishly displaying the worry he had for her, "You were sobbing in your sleep!"
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Xing slipped into a comfortable position to sleep when Shengli suddenly asked her that and she was confused for a while,
"No, nothing. I'll sleep now. You can leave whenever you want", she covered her head with the blanket facing the wall with only her hands visible and went silent.
Shengli just stared blankly at her and he felt annoyed by her attitude. She is not even going to show her face to me before leaving?
Shengli tried to pull the blanket down but before he could get the blanket Xing moved further inside the bed and Shengli's hand grabbed thin air.
Alright! I know she is hurt! But, This is going too far! Aren't I a victim too?
Shengli grabbed her hand that was holding the blanket forcefully and he could sense something odd in her thumb as she hissed in pain and Xing tried to pull her hand without letting him take a closer look and that piqued his interest more and he tried to get her hand but she hid her hands inside the blanket.
"Let me sleep", she pushed him away and he left her bedroom and closed the door behind him.
Actually he had tears in his eyes he wanted to hide as he had already seen what's in her hand.
Xing never grew out her nails as she always had found it a disturbance while using a sword. But one of the changes Shengli noted in her after she had entered the place is that she had grown out her nails, neatly pedicured them and coloured them even. He didn't mind it that much as he knew most women liked those sort of things and she took interest in those feminine things lately. But If he'd known she'd do such things to herself now, he'd have clipped those nails as his first priority.
Self harming!!!
She'd actually peeled the skin and dug a hole in her thumb near her nail! How could she? Was she that stressed? Why isn't she talking to me either? Doesn't she usually tell me everything? Is she angry at me?
Shengli sat on the doorstep leaning on the doorframe and he could hear the rustling wind that blew in the camellias in the garden all around.
"Bai Li", he called. Shengli wanted to know what happened after she came here. She wasn't that stressed when she was in the Audience Hall.
Bai Li told him how he smelt blood on her when those concubines were talking to her and he had to sent them away and treated her and she looked like she wasn't even aware of what's happening around her and after taking a bath, she looked different.
"What were they talking?", Shengli narrowed his eyes in Bai Li and Bai Li could see the helplessness in Shengli's eyes.
"Just those usual women talk... How that lass should not keep the Emperor to herself and let others share her... burden...to serve him? Whatever that means... And how everyone should have equal opportunity since all of them are sisters, some even called her names behind her back like .."
"Enough", Shengli said and he understood everything. He had known very well about this place after all. Even generations change, the things happen inside won't change.
But, Why must she let everything those women said get to her head? She used to be more rational and more decisive before... Since when did she become an emotional fool? And why isn't she telling me anything?
Is it because I forced her to take the title of Empress or is it because she doesn't want to make me feel worried?
I should have been the last person to tell her to take the title of the Empress, right? What a fool I was, she is not the Xing from before... She's not the one I left two months ago... Why didn't I see that before..?
Shengli contemplated for a while and decided against joining Shihong. He'd put his ideas of revenge aside and stay beside her until she gains her confidence back. With all the ups and downs they were facing these past days and his heartfelt confessions to her and her acting all mighty in the court today, he thought she was fine but she is not!
She is in a spiral of emotions that try to pull her to the deepest trenches of despair and even his words cannot pull her up. She must have known it... She must have... So she sealed her emotions... A last desperate attempt to protect herself. Humans are built that way, they want to survive somehow... But will her way work out?
Shengli knew there were two possible outcome if her bottled up emotions erupt out one day and she loses her bearing, she may implode and destroy herself or she may explode bringing down everything around her... Both are not to be accepted...
Xing who was sleeping peacefully as she had decided firmly not to hurt herself anymore after feeling the stingy pain in her finger during bath, had a dream. The dream was so vivid as if it was happening right in front of her and she could feel everything around her in that dream.
She was walking inside a cave with her feet bare and she felt the chill Ness in that cave.
A gentle but broken voice echoed in that mossy cave with a small trinkling stream was flowing through.
" My love... How I wish I could have joined you in meeting King Yan... Why do you have to leave and I'm here alone.. Suffering...? I'm despicable... I know that... But still.... How could you leave me alone...? Come take me... I don't want to be here alone... "
Xing could feel the pain and loneliness radiating from that sobbing person in her heart and her body felt heavy too.
Without knowing, Xing was already reaching to that figure sitting in the ground leaning on the rock with his knees bent and she was crying as she hugged that person who was so familiar...
I know you... Who are you..? Please don't cry...
As Xing's brain was close to find that answer she could feel another desperate cry, "Xing!". It was Shengli's voice drifting through that was pulling her away from the dream..
Wait... Let me hear what he is saying...
She could see that person looking at her, "I'm sorry...", Xing could see that lonely crying man's lips move but she could not get what he was saying and the Distance between her and him widened and soon everything turned bright as she was woken up.
When Xing came to, she was held closely in Shengli's arms and her entire face was wet and her breathing was irregular as if she had run a mile and her throat felt parched.
"Xing", Shengli held her close to his heart and almost suffocated her and she pushed him away and wiped her face with her sleeves.
"What happened, Xing", his eyes were lavishly displaying the worry he had for her, "You were sobbing in your sleep!"
Xing slipped into a comfortable position to sleep when Shengli suddenly asked her that and she was confused for a while, "No, nothing. I'll sleep now. You can leave whenever you want", she covered her head with the blanket facing the wall with only her hands visible and went silent. Shengli just stared blankly at her and he felt annoyed by her attitude. She is not even going to show her face to me before leaving? Shengli tried to pull the blanket down but before he could get the blanket Xing moved further inside the bed and Shengli's hand grabbed thin air. Alright! I know she is hurt! But, This is going too far! Aren't I a victim too? Shengli grabbed her hand that was holding the blanket forcefully and he could sense something odd in her thumb as she hissed in pain and Xing tried to pull her hand without letting him take a closer look and that piqued his interest more and he tried to get her hand but she hid her hands inside the blanket. "Let me sleep", she pushed him away and he left her bedroom and closed the door behind him. Actually he had tears in his eyes he wanted to hide as he had already seen what's in her hand. Xing never grew out her nails as she always had found it a disturbance while using a sword. But one of the changes Shengli noted in her after she had entered the place is that she had grown out her nails, neatly pedicured them and coloured them even. He didn't mind it that much as he knew most women liked those sort of things and she took interest in those feminine things lately. But If he'd known she'd do such things to herself now, he'd have clipped those nails as his first priority. Self harming!!! She'd actually peeled the skin and dug a hole in her thumb near her nail! How could she? Was she that stressed? Why isn't she talking to me either? Doesn't she usually tell me everything? Is she angry at me? Shengli sat on the doorstep leaning on the doorframe and he could hear the rustling wind that blew in the camellias in the garden all around. "Bai Li", he called. Shengli wanted to know what happened after she came here. She wasn't that stressed when she was in the Audience Hall. Bai Li told him how he smelt blood on her when those concubines were talking to her and he had to sent them away and treated her and she looked like she wasn't even aware of what's happening around her and after taking a bath, she looked different. "What were they talking?", Shengli narrowed his eyes in Bai Li and Bai Li could see the helplessness in Shengli's eyes. "Just those usual women talk... How that lass should not keep the Emperor to herself and let others share her... burden...to serve him? Whatever that means... And how everyone should have equal opportunity since all of them are sisters, some even called her names behind her back like .." "Enough", Shengli said and he understood everything. He had known very well about this place after all. Even generations change, the things happen inside won't change. But, Why must she let everything those women said get to her head? She used to be more rational and more decisive before... Since when did she become an emotional fool? And why isn't she telling me anything? Is it because I forced her to take the title of Empress or is it because she doesn't want to make me feel worried? I should have been the last person to tell her to take the title of the Empress, right? What a fool I was, she is not the Xing from before... She's not the one I left two months ago... Why didn't I see that before..? Shengli contemplated for a while and decided against joining Shihong. He'd put his ideas of revenge aside and stay beside her until she gains her confidence back. With all the ups and downs they were facing these past days and his heartfelt confessions to her and her acting all mighty in the court today, he thought she was fine but she is not! She is in a spiral of emotions that try to pull her to the deepest trenches of despair and even his words cannot pull her up. She must have known it... She must have... So she sealed her emotions... A last desperate attempt to protect herself. Humans are built that way, they want to survive somehow... But will her way work out? Shengli knew there were two possible outcome if her bottled up emotions erupt out one day and she loses her bearing, she may implode and destroy herself or she may explode bringing down everything around her... Both are not to be accepted... Xing who was sleeping peacefully as she had decided firmly not to hurt herself anymore after feeling the stingy pain in her finger during bath, had a dream. The dream was so vivid as if it was happening right in front of her and she could feel everything around her in that dream. She was walking inside a cave with her feet bare and she felt the chill Ness in that cave. A gentle but broken voice echoed in that mossy cave with a small trinkling stream was flowing through. " My love... How I wish I could have joined you in meeting King Yan... Why do you have to leave and I'm here alone.. Suffering...? I'm despicable... I know that... But still.... How could you leave me alone...? Come take me... I don't want to be here alone... " Xing could feel the pain and loneliness radiating from that sobbing person in her heart and her body felt heavy too. Without knowing, Xing was already reaching to that figure sitting in the ground leaning on the rock with his knees bent and she was crying as she hugged that person who was so familiar... I know you... Who are you..? Please don't cry... As Xing's brain was close to find that answer she could feel another desperate cry, "Xing!". It was Shengli's voice drifting through that was pulling her away from the dream.. Wait... Let me hear what he is saying... She could see that person looking at her, "I'm sorry...", Xing could see that lonely crying man's lips move but she could not get what he was saying and the Distance between her and him widened and soon everything turned bright as she was woken up. When Xing came to, she was held closely in Shengli's arms and her entire face was wet and her breathing was irregular as if she had run a mile and her throat felt parched. "Xing", Shengli held her close to his heart and almost suffocated her and she pushed him away and wiped her face with her sleeves. "What happened, Xing", his eyes were lavishly displaying the worry he had for her, "You were sobbing in your sleep!"
