Finally noticing something odd with Mu Mu’er’s clinginess, Bai Yao does not try to push him away anymore, but pats the boy on the back and asks, “what’s wrong?”
A little mumble comes. ‘Scared.’ It was so much lighter than a whisper that Bai Yao almost didn’t hear.
“What are you afraid of?”
There is no answer.
“Look at me, my dear boy,” Bai Yao holds Mu Mu’er by the shoulder to observe his face, while also pinching his cheeks gently, looking for something in his eyes, “can you tell Yaoyao?”
Mu Mu’er is still in his thin summer T-shirt, so Bai Yao pulls up the blanket for him since the house is getting a little cold. He continues leaning on his pillow, with his babe in his lap.
The boy still doesn’t speak, but Bai Yao patiently waits for him, holding his hand and keeping his eyes on him the whole time.
Finally, Mu Mu’er says, “scared… scared Yaoyao might go away some day. Mu’er doesn’t know what to do.”
“Mu’er had mommy and daddy, but suddenly, not. Mu’er had older brother, but… but older brother was also gone,” he’s getting a little incoherent, “but it’s ok. Mu’er has become ok, but, Mu’er cannot be without Yaoyao. No…”
Bai Yao doesn’t know what triggered him, but the little ecstatic guy is now suddenly a blade of grass in the pouring rain – his head hanging low and pitifully.
He’s lived for a really long time without any sense of security. Therefore, even though he’s finally with someone by his side, he’s still worried, that like bubbles on the ocean, they might just pop one day and be gone in a wave.
Mu Mu’er only wants to kiss with Yaoyao. He thought being boyfriends means he can kiss him every moment of every day, but he sees that Yaoyao does not want to kiss anymore. He really, really wants to kiss more, but he is refused. So he is sad.
Bai Yao is heartbroken to realise the source of Mu Mu’er’s worries. To him, he understands kisses and hugs as something far more than simple closeness – as a very sensitive intimacy between couples. Mu Mu’er does not, though. He only knows that he was refused, and thinks that Bai Yao might be getting tired of kissing.
This means he did not deal with this well. Bai Yao holds Mu Mu’er’s face dearly, looking into his eyes, and promises, “Yaoyao will never go anywhere. Never without the little sea otter by my side – never without you. You won’t be able to leave anymore, little guy.”
“Always boyfriends? Is Yaoyao going to be Mu’er’s boyfriend forever?”
“Yes. Mu’er has Yaoyao now. Mu’er also has auntie Zhang, grandpa Xü, Qi Ya-gege, Xiaoqing-jiejie, and jiejie‘s newborn baby. You said you want to be the baby’s older brother, right? So now, you also have a younger sister,” Bai Yao continues stroking the boy on the back for reassurance, and declares, both to Mu’er and to himself, “Yaoyao will never let Mu’er be alone anymore. Everyone around you will be just like Yaoyao. Everyone will love you and protect you.”
Mu Mu’er shakes his head, “Mu’er only needs Yaoyao.”
“Mmhm, and so do I,” Bai Yao smiles.
“More kisses…”
Before he comes closer, Bai Yao asks, “Mu’er, do you know what it means to kiss and to hug?”
Mu Mu’er nods, “yes.”
“Can you explain it to Yaoyao?”
“It means to be close to Yaoyao, and not to others. Mu’er only does this with Yaoyao; Mu’er only wants Yaoyao.”
Bai Yao holds his hands, and asks, “yes. This means Mu’er can only belong to Yaoyao and no one else. Yaoyao will only belong to Mu’er, too. Mu’er, is this what you are hoping for?”
Mu Mu’er nods firmly.
Finally, his wish is granted, and he kisses Bai Yao once more; this time, Bai Yao is kissing back.
He holds him tightly in his embrace. The little guy just finished showering not long ago, so he can still sense the fragrant aroma. He’s such a sweet little citrus lemon. He wants to lick, to glomp.
And he really can’t hold himself back anymore.
He wants to kiss with him, and on the bed…
To embrace.
Bai Yao has pried open the boy’s teeth with his tongue, and is making headways inside. Mu Mu’er is quite willing, which only exacerbates Bai Yao’s passion. Bai Yao continues running his tongue past the little guy’s canines, engaged in steamy kisses.
After that, Bai Yao backs off a little, and with what little rationale remaining, asks, his tone gravelly and seductive, “Mu’er, are you scared?”
He holds Mu Mu’er’s face in his big hands, looking deep inside Mu Mu’er’s eyes.
He’s telling himself, if the boy looks a little hesitant, even the slightest bit hurt, he must stop himself immediately, and hold him gently to calm him. He must not scare him.
If Mu Mu’er is scared, he can wait. He can wait for him forever.
There is not. Mu Mu’er looks at Bai Yao with only trust and, also, what looks to be a lustfulness. What is definitely clear, is that he’s truly in love.
Bai Yao then tells himself, the ‘boy’ is an adult. He’s always been an adult. This is going to happen eventually, if not now.
“Mu’er is not,” the boy answers, staring straight back, “because Mu’er is with Yaoyao. Mu’er will not be afraid.”
The simplest, most genuine of words, completely burn away Bai Yao’s rational side. He knows nothing other than to kiss his boyfriend, and to tell him physically, how much he loves him, loves him, loves him.
Finally noticing something odd with Mu Mu’er’s clinginess, Bai Yao does not try to push him away anymore, but pats the boy on the back and asks, “what’s wrong?”
A little mumble comes. ‘Scared.’ It was so much lighter than a whisper that Bai Yao almost didn’t hear.
“What are you afraid of?”
There is no answer.
“Look at me, my dear boy,” Bai Yao holds Mu Mu’er by the shoulder to observe his face, while also pinching his cheeks gently, looking for something in his eyes, “can you tell Yaoyao?”
Mu Mu’er is still in his thin summer T-shirt, so Bai Yao pulls up the blanket for him since the house is getting a little cold. He continues leaning on his pillow, with his babe in his lap.
The boy still doesn’t speak, but Bai Yao patiently waits for him, holding his hand and keeping his eyes on him the whole time.
Finally, Mu Mu’er says, “scared… scared Yaoyao might go away some day. Mu’er doesn’t know what to do.”
“Mu’er had mommy and daddy, but suddenly, not. Mu’er had older brother, but… but older brother was also gone,” he’s getting a little incoherent, “but it’s ok. Mu’er has become ok, but, Mu’er cannot be without Yaoyao. No…”
Bai Yao doesn’t know what triggered him, but the little ecstatic guy is now suddenly a blade of grass in the pouring rain – his head hanging low and pitifully.
He’s lived for a really long time without any sense of security. Therefore, even though he’s finally with someone by his side, he’s still worried, that like bubbles on the ocean, they might just pop one day and be gone in a wave.
Mu Mu’er only wants to kiss with Yaoyao. He thought being boyfriends means he can kiss him every moment of every day, but he sees that Yaoyao does not want to kiss anymore. He really, really wants to kiss more, but he is refused. So he is sad.
Bai Yao is heartbroken to realise the source of Mu Mu’er’s worries. To him, he understands kisses and hugs as something far more than simple closeness – as a very sensitive intimacy between couples. Mu Mu’er does not, though. He only knows that he was refused, and thinks that Bai Yao might be getting tired of kissing.
This means he did not deal with this well. Bai Yao holds Mu Mu’er’s face dearly, looking into his eyes, and promises, “Yaoyao will never go anywhere. Never without the little sea otter by my side – never without you. You won’t be able to leave anymore, little guy.”
“Always boyfriends? Is Yaoyao going to be Mu’er’s boyfriend forever?”
“Yes. Mu’er has Yaoyao now. Mu’er also has auntie Zhang, grandpa Xü, Qi Ya-gege, Xiaoqing-jiejie, and jiejie‘s newborn baby. You said you want to be the baby’s older brother, right? So now, you also have a younger sister,” Bai Yao continues stroking the boy on the back for reassurance, and declares, both to Mu’er and to himself, “Yaoyao will never let Mu’er be alone anymore. Everyone around you will be just like Yaoyao. Everyone will love you and protect you.”
Mu Mu’er shakes his head, “Mu’er only needs Yaoyao.”
“Mmhm, and so do I,” Bai Yao smiles.
“More kisses…”
Before he comes closer, Bai Yao asks, “Mu’er, do you know what it means to kiss and to hug?”
Mu Mu’er nods, “yes.”
“Can you explain it to Yaoyao?”
“It means to be close to Yaoyao, and not to others. Mu’er only does this with Yaoyao; Mu’er only wants Yaoyao.”
Bai Yao holds his hands, and asks, “yes. This means Mu’er can only belong to Yaoyao and no one else. Yaoyao will only belong to Mu’er, too. Mu’er, is this what you are hoping for?”
Mu Mu’er nods firmly.
Finally, his wish is granted, and he kisses Bai Yao once more; this time, Bai Yao is kissing back.
He holds him tightly in his embrace. The little guy just finished showering not long ago, so he can still sense the fragrant aroma. He’s such a sweet little citrus lemon. He wants to lick, to glomp.
And he really can’t hold himself back anymore.
He wants to kiss with him, and on the bed…
To embrace.
Bai Yao has pried open the boy’s teeth with his tongue, and is making headways inside. Mu Mu’er is quite willing, which only exacerbates Bai Yao’s passion. Bai Yao continues running his tongue past the little guy’s canines, engaged in steamy kisses.
After that, Bai Yao backs off a little, and with what little rationale remaining, asks, his tone gravelly and seductive, “Mu’er, are you scared?”
He holds Mu Mu’er’s face in his big hands, looking deep inside Mu Mu’er’s eyes.
He’s telling himself, if the boy looks a little hesitant, even the slightest bit hurt, he must stop himself immediately, and hold him gently to calm him. He must not scare him.
If Mu Mu’er is scared, he can wait. He can wait for him forever.
There is not. Mu Mu’er looks at Bai Yao with only trust and, also, what looks to be a lustfulness. What is definitely clear, is that he’s truly in love.
Bai Yao then tells himself, the ‘boy’ is an adult. He’s always been an adult. This is going to happen eventually, if not now.
“Mu’er is not,” the boy answers, staring straight back, “because Mu’er is with Yaoyao. Mu’er will not be afraid.”
The simplest, most genuine of words, completely burn away Bai Yao’s rational side. He knows nothing other than to kiss his boyfriend, and to tell him physically, how much he loves him, loves him, loves him.
