Chapter 142 – Recklessness
I woke up.
Karua and Mika were at my side, the latter holding my hand.
“Even though we told you not to do anything reckless…” Mika said.
“That is true, is it not?” Karua agreed with her. “Do you have any idea, how many people would be sad, if you were to die?”
Both of them looked at me with tearstained eyes.
Certainly, I may have treated myself a bit too recklessly. Before I gained Dark Matter, I… No, I kept my body fairly safe. Look, it’s more or less a girl’s body.
However, since it looked like Dark Matter could do everything and anything, and since I could create Amritas, I started to treat it quite roughly.
Because of that, I made a lot of people worry about me now, didn’t I…?
When the war is over, I’ll need to take ample rest.
Going on a trip somewhere with Mika would be nice, too… To go on a date again, right? The two of us plus Karua having fun would be good, too. At any rate, once this war is over, let’s rest for a while.
Well, for now, I’ll focus on the current situation.
…I don’t understand it. Why didn’t the Amrita work for my headache and dizziness?
Strictly speaking, the Amrita did work properly, but the symptoms returned after a short time. Despite drinking an Amrita, the headache and dizziness occurred, and for some reason, my physical condition worsened.
If I were to make an assumption, the short-lived improvement after drinking it might just have been the effects being concealed for some time before coming back.
Or could it be… the mind cannot be healed?
I think it’s the latter.
If I’m being honest, even now, I’m acting as if I’m fine in front of everyone. But right now, it’s awfully hard. Mentally.
My personality is the issue. This was the case even when I lived on Earth… apparently, according to Mika.
To sum it up, it looks like MP equals mental strength.
If I used it a bit at a time, it shouldn’t have an effect on my health, but using large amounts at once was probably bad.
See, the saying goes “Sickness and health start with the mind[1]“.
Because of that I got a headache and started feeling sick and dizzy; these symptoms indeed seem to show up when I’m mentally impaired[2], you see. That must be it.
The Amrita can repair a cut, but it feels like it can’t fix a depression, right?
Well, that’s all an assumption, but…
I’m terribly lethargic, and I’m also feeling sick, but I could get a grasp on my own limits thanks to that. Henceforth, let’s refrain from using too much MP at once[3].
With an “Oh!”, Karua suddenly stood up.
I wonder, did something happen?
“Did… some… thing… happen?”
It was no use; I didn’t wake up with enough energy to talk and couldn’t articulate well.
“I received a call from my father! My apologies, I will be away for a while.”
“Oh… yeah. See you later…” Mika told her.
Karua left the sickbay in a rush.
Abruptly, it was only Mika and me. Of course, the two of us being alone wasn’t anything special, but…
“…Ayumu, you idiot!” Mika suddenly exclaimed.
She didn’t have to word it like that.
It hurts a bit.
…I know what she wants to say, alright?
Because of that…
“Sorry…”
I can do naught but reply so.
Mika glared at me, with tears in her eyes.
I probably shouldn’t tell her, that I think she looks cute when she’s crying, right?
Afterwards, she endlessly made me listen to old stories about how my recklessness caused her troubles and worries in the past.
There was the story about me recklessly participating on sports day during the first year of grade school, despite getting a serious injury the day before, and there was also the story about me almost drowning in the fifth year of grade school, when I recklessly tried to save a classmate, who had sunk below the surface of the pool.
Then there was the story about me shielding Mika from glass shards[4] when I was in the sixth year of grade school, and the story about me getting in a fistfight with a classmate (the strongest boy at that time, who’d made Mika cry by excessively bad-mouthing her) when I was in the second year of middle school.
After these two stories, Mika gave me a whispered “Thank you”. It made me a bit embarrassed.
Then, there was the story about the exam in the third year of middle school… and so on, and so on.
Well, since all of these events were certainly caused by my recklessness, I couldn’t help but agree.
Or rather, I’ll do well to remember, won’t I, Mika?
I wonder, will she be giving me a lecture?
In the end, what Mika talked about was my death.
“Hey, Ayumu… When you died on Earth… How do you think I was doing?”
By saying that, it seemed like Mika slowly confided something in me.
I kept silent and gazed at her eyes.
“I… was sad, so sad… It was driving me insane. I wasn’t able to eat any food. I hugged the stuffed bear you’d given me, Ayumu, and never left my room. …After all, a world without you wasn’t something I wanted to face.
Mika tightened her grip on my hand even more.
I also squeezed it, as if in reply.
“After some time… Shuu[5], in particular, persuaded me to get out into… our neighborhood… He told me, ‘If Ayumu saw you sad like this, Mika, what would he think? Do you believe he could pass onto the afterlife with peace of mind?’.”
Is that so…? Shuu said something like this?
“Well, I got run over by a truck and died when I was on my way to school. I can ask you now, you know, so what would you think if you saw me in that state, Ayumu?”
…Shuu, that guy really understood us. Earlier, he was completely right.
Thinking about Mika acting like that, even just a bit, made me regret dying again.
“I’d worry too much… to have peace of mind,” I replied.
When Mika heard that, tears ran down her face as she squeezed my hand even stronger.
“Right, about that, Ayumu. It’s the same for me… I wouldn’t merely be sad. The way you look now, it’s really hard, just seeing you so weak… Ayumu… hang in there, honestly, and don’t do anything reckless… I… It… it worries me so much…”
Mika’s tears streamed down even more. Several drops also fell on the hand she was holding.
“That holds true, even now! Acting recklessly like this! You’re lying to yourself, deep down, Ayumu, maybe even for your own sake, but… You’re probably wrong when you say, you want to test your own strength by participating in the war, right? …I get it, you see, you want to help Karua and the others, don’t you…?”[6]
As if coming to my senses; without asking, I reached out with my free hand towards the back of Mika’s head.
…Just what in the world should I say to her?
“A… yu… mu?
Mika cocked her head when I drew her to me.
Our heads got close.
Then, just like that, I pushed my lips onto Mika’s.
“Phew… Ayumu~…”
I myself had no idea, why I would kiss Mika in this situation.
Maybe it was because I was happy, she’d worried about me. No, was it too calm her down since she was crying? Or was it because I gained an understanding of my own true thoughts?
Either way, I kissed her…
And, that moment, I felt someone at the entrance of the sickbay. That someone had clearly witnessed the whole scene.
While I tried to think of a way to explain this, I separated my lips from Mika’s and looked in the direction of that someone, who turned out to be Karua.
Mika, too, who had noticed it from my expression, turned her face towards Karua in a hurry.
“U…um, hey! Karua… This isn’t…”
Mika repeatedly opened and closed her mouth, trying to say something.
I was panicking internally, too.
It’s not something to feel particularly guilty about, but, of course, being seen feels embarrassing.
Karua on the other hand, kept strangely composed.
“Heh-heh… Alim and Mika… So, you had this kind of relationship, did you? Oh, please don’t worry about it. I don’t think homosexuality is particularly bad.”
“Ah… yeah… erm… that is…” Mika stammered.
Oh, is that it?
From an outside perspective, we look like lesbians.
Maybe since she had gotten excited, Mika called me “Ayumu”, even though I was, in fact, still Alim.
“Heh-heh-heh… So, the flawless Alim and Mika have a weakness, don’t they? …Please rest assured, I will take this secret to my grave.”
As she said that, a fearless smile showed on Karua’s face. Somehow, she looked very happy.
I wonder, what made her so glad?
“Oh… that’s right.”
Karua suddenly went back from overjoyed to normal and talked like nothing had happened.
Scary, such a sudden change in appearance is frightening.
There’s something I need to convey to you, Alim. My father said, ‘If you finish your rest before the day is gone, come to my chambers’. And with that, I’ll leave you two at your leisure.”
After saying that, she took off to who-knows-where.
TL notes:
Edit 24-03-20: Changed the name “Haruto” to “Shuu”
Edit 24-03-30: Changed “Car” to “Truck” for it to be consistent with Chapter 41.
Some interesting thoughts about how MP and the mental state might be connected. Speaking as someone with frequent headaches, having them every time too much magic is used doesn’t sound like much fun.
Hearing about Alim’s past exploits on Earth was fun, but it also made apparent that both him and Mika are still kids with fragile emotions. While Mika seems to be more strongly affected, I don’t think there’s a big difference between them. Alim is simply better at distracting himself.
[1] A Japanese proverb. The original is 病は気から lit. “About sickness, (it’s) from the mind”.
[2] Not sure if I got that correctly. Does he mean he also gets headaches/nausea/dizziness when he’s depressed or in a bad mood?
[3] I give him three chapters, at best, before he does something stupid again.
[4] Most likely the same incident Mika remembered in chapter 133.
[5] The original is 翔. Since no furigana are given, I can only guess at the name. The possible male readings for 翔 I found are “Haruto”, “Shu”, “Tsubasa” and “Kakuro”. I picked the (apparently) most common one.
In future chapters the reading is revealed as “Shuu”.
[6] Not 100% sure about this part. She says he’s “lying to himself” and that “he’s wrong” or that “it’s different” but it wasn’t really clear, what is supposed to be wrong/different.
Chapter 142 – Recklessness
I woke up.
Karua and Mika were at my side, the latter holding my hand.
“Even though we told you not to do anything reckless…” Mika said.
“That is true, is it not?” Karua agreed with her. “Do you have any idea, how many people would be sad, if you were to die?”
Both of them looked at me with tearstained eyes.
Certainly, I may have treated myself a bit too recklessly. Before I gained Dark Matter, I… No, I kept my body fairly safe. Look, it’s more or less a girl’s body.
However, since it looked like Dark Matter could do everything and anything, and since I could create Amritas, I started to treat it quite roughly.
Because of that, I made a lot of people worry about me now, didn’t I…?
When the war is over, I’ll need to take ample rest.
Going on a trip somewhere with Mika would be nice, too… To go on a date again, right? The two of us plus Karua having fun would be good, too. At any rate, once this war is over, let’s rest for a while.
Well, for now, I’ll focus on the current situation.
…I don’t understand it. Why didn’t the Amrita work for my headache and dizziness?
Strictly speaking, the Amrita did work properly, but the symptoms returned after a short time. Despite drinking an Amrita, the headache and dizziness occurred, and for some reason, my physical condition worsened.
If I were to make an assumption, the short-lived improvement after drinking it might just have been the effects being concealed for some time before coming back.
Or could it be… the mind cannot be healed?
I think it’s the latter.
If I’m being honest, even now, I’m acting as if I’m fine in front of everyone. But right now, it’s awfully hard. Mentally.
My personality is the issue. This was the case even when I lived on Earth… apparently, according to Mika.
To sum it up, it looks like MP equals mental strength.
If I used it a bit at a time, it shouldn’t have an effect on my health, but using large amounts at once was probably bad.
See, the saying goes “Sickness and health start with the mind[1]“.
Because of that I got a headache and started feeling sick and dizzy; these symptoms indeed seem to show up when I’m mentally impaired[2], you see. That must be it.
The Amrita can repair a cut, but it feels like it can’t fix a depression, right?
Well, that’s all an assumption, but…
I’m terribly lethargic, and I’m also feeling sick, but I could get a grasp on my own limits thanks to that. Henceforth, let’s refrain from using too much MP at once[3].
With an “Oh!”, Karua suddenly stood up.
I wonder, did something happen?
“Did… some… thing… happen?”
It was no use; I didn’t wake up with enough energy to talk and couldn’t articulate well.
“I received a call from my father! My apologies, I will be away for a while.”
“Oh… yeah. See you later…” Mika told her.
Karua left the sickbay in a rush.
Abruptly, it was only Mika and me. Of course, the two of us being alone wasn’t anything special, but…
“…Ayumu, you idiot!” Mika suddenly exclaimed.
She didn’t have to word it like that.
It hurts a bit.
…I know what she wants to say, alright?
Because of that…
“Sorry…”
I can do naught but reply so.
Mika glared at me, with tears in her eyes.
I probably shouldn’t tell her, that I think she looks cute when she’s crying, right?
Afterwards, she endlessly made me listen to old stories about how my recklessness caused her troubles and worries in the past.
There was the story about me recklessly participating on sports day during the first year of grade school, despite getting a serious injury the day before, and there was also the story about me almost drowning in the fifth year of grade school, when I recklessly tried to save a classmate, who had sunk below the surface of the pool.
Then there was the story about me shielding Mika from glass shards[4] when I was in the sixth year of grade school, and the story about me getting in a fistfight with a classmate (the strongest boy at that time, who’d made Mika cry by excessively bad-mouthing her) when I was in the second year of middle school.
After these two stories, Mika gave me a whispered “Thank you”. It made me a bit embarrassed.
Then, there was the story about the exam in the third year of middle school… and so on, and so on.
Well, since all of these events were certainly caused by my recklessness, I couldn’t help but agree.
Or rather, I’ll do well to remember, won’t I, Mika?
I wonder, will she be giving me a lecture?
In the end, what Mika talked about was my death.
“Hey, Ayumu… When you died on Earth… How do you think I was doing?”
By saying that, it seemed like Mika slowly confided something in me.
I kept silent and gazed at her eyes.
“I… was sad, so sad… It was driving me insane. I wasn’t able to eat any food. I hugged the stuffed bear you’d given me, Ayumu, and never left my room. …After all, a world without you wasn’t something I wanted to face.
Mika tightened her grip on my hand even more.
I also squeezed it, as if in reply.
“After some time… Shuu[5], in particular, persuaded me to get out into… our neighborhood… He told me, ‘If Ayumu saw you sad like this, Mika, what would he think? Do you believe he could pass onto the afterlife with peace of mind?’.”
Is that so…? Shuu said something like this?
“Well, I got run over by a truck and died when I was on my way to school. I can ask you now, you know, so what would you think if you saw me in that state, Ayumu?”
…Shuu, that guy really understood us. Earlier, he was completely right.
Thinking about Mika acting like that, even just a bit, made me regret dying again.
“I’d worry too much… to have peace of mind,” I replied.
When Mika heard that, tears ran down her face as she squeezed my hand even stronger.
“Right, about that, Ayumu. It’s the same for me… I wouldn’t merely be sad. The way you look now, it’s really hard, just seeing you so weak… Ayumu… hang in there, honestly, and don’t do anything reckless… I… It… it worries me so much…”
Mika’s tears streamed down even more. Several drops also fell on the hand she was holding.
“That holds true, even now! Acting recklessly like this! You’re lying to yourself, deep down, Ayumu, maybe even for your own sake, but… You’re probably wrong when you say, you want to test your own strength by participating in the war, right? …I get it, you see, you want to help Karua and the others, don’t you…?”[6]
As if coming to my senses; without asking, I reached out with my free hand towards the back of Mika’s head.
…Just what in the world should I say to her?
“A… yu… mu?
Mika cocked her head when I drew her to me.
Our heads got close.
Then, just like that, I pushed my lips onto Mika’s.
“Phew… Ayumu~…”
I myself had no idea, why I would kiss Mika in this situation.
Maybe it was because I was happy, she’d worried about me. No, was it too calm her down since she was crying? Or was it because I gained an understanding of my own true thoughts?
Either way, I kissed her…
And, that moment, I felt someone at the entrance of the sickbay. That someone had clearly witnessed the whole scene.
While I tried to think of a way to explain this, I separated my lips from Mika’s and looked in the direction of that someone, who turned out to be Karua.
Mika, too, who had noticed it from my expression, turned her face towards Karua in a hurry.
“U…um, hey! Karua… This isn’t…”
Mika repeatedly opened and closed her mouth, trying to say something.
I was panicking internally, too.
It’s not something to feel particularly guilty about, but, of course, being seen feels embarrassing.
Karua on the other hand, kept strangely composed.
“Heh-heh… Alim and Mika… So, you had this kind of relationship, did you? Oh, please don’t worry about it. I don’t think homosexuality is particularly bad.”
“Ah… yeah… erm… that is…” Mika stammered.
Oh, is that it?
From an outside perspective, we look like lesbians.
Maybe since she had gotten excited, Mika called me “Ayumu”, even though I was, in fact, still Alim.
“Heh-heh-heh… So, the flawless Alim and Mika have a weakness, don’t they? …Please rest assured, I will take this secret to my grave.”
As she said that, a fearless smile showed on Karua’s face. Somehow, she looked very happy.
I wonder, what made her so glad?
“Oh… that’s right.”
Karua suddenly went back from overjoyed to normal and talked like nothing had happened.
Scary, such a sudden change in appearance is frightening.
There’s something I need to convey to you, Alim. My father said, ‘If you finish your rest before the day is gone, come to my chambers’. And with that, I’ll leave you two at your leisure.”
After saying that, she took off to who-knows-where.
TL notes:
Edit 24-03-20: Changed the name “Haruto” to “Shuu”
Edit 24-03-30: Changed “Car” to “Truck” for it to be consistent with Chapter 41.
Some interesting thoughts about how MP and the mental state might be connected. Speaking as someone with frequent headaches, having them every time too much magic is used doesn’t sound like much fun.
Hearing about Alim’s past exploits on Earth was fun, but it also made apparent that both him and Mika are still kids with fragile emotions. While Mika seems to be more strongly affected, I don’t think there’s a big difference between them. Alim is simply better at distracting himself.
[1] A Japanese proverb. The original is 病は気から lit. “About sickness, (it’s) from the mind”.
[2] Not sure if I got that correctly. Does he mean he also gets headaches/nausea/dizziness when he’s depressed or in a bad mood?
[3] I give him three chapters, at best, before he does something stupid again.
[4] Most likely the same incident Mika remembered in chapter 133.
[5] The original is 翔. Since no furigana are given, I can only guess at the name. The possible male readings for 翔 I found are “Haruto”, “Shu”, “Tsubasa” and “Kakuro”. I picked the (apparently) most common one.
In future chapters the reading is revealed as “Shuu”.
[6] Not 100% sure about this part. She says he’s “lying to himself” and that “he’s wrong” or that “it’s different” but it wasn’t really clear, what is supposed to be wrong/different.
