Shen Lei nodded, feeling a little bit better after hearing his lover’s words. Right, even if it wasn’t useful right now, it was good to have tested this. Well, not that he had ever doubted that they could do it. There didn’t seem to be any limit on where or how far they could travel. Going up instead of straight ahead seemed like it wouldn’t be a big deal at all.
Luo Lin rubbed his fiance’s chest and gave a hum, his lips curving up. “It’s a pity time is tight or we could have taken a break now.”
Shen Lei’s gaze slipped down to where Luo Lin was straddling his waist and sighed. “That’ll have to wait until things here are taken care of. But don’t worry: We have gotten until here and you are in a better position now compared to before. We’ll manage. And in a few weeks, we’ll be back in the Teng Yong Sect. We … we can get married by then and spend our time however we want.”
Luo Lin nodded and sat up but he didn’t get up further and instead looked at his lover’s face. Talking about getting married … he couldn’t help but think of what had happened before. “I am glad to have found out about my ability since it will certainly come in handy in the future, even after we have finished with things here in the border region. I still wish I had found out in another way though.”
Shen Lei gave a hum, not doubting that for a single moment. He had seen how badly Luo Lin had reacted to seeing him injured and he had only woken up after he had healed considerably. He didn’t even want to know how things had looked while he was still comatose.
He reached up and cupped Luo Lin’s cheek, his own expression solemn. “I will take care of myself. Don’t worry about it. At that time … there really was no other way and I regretted it the moment we stepped into their trap. I just wanted to see you one last time.” He propped himself up with one hand and leaned closer, gently pecking Luo Lin’s lips. “I know it scared you. I’m sorry about that.”
Luo Lin nodded and wrapped his arms around Shen Lei’s neck. They had talked about this before but, indeed, he still worried about it every now and then. He didn’t dare to bring it up because he knew that Shen Lei already felt awful about the whole matter but, sometimes, he woke up in the middle of the night, having dreamed about that day he found Shen Lei’s almost lifeless body.
At those times, all the feelings came rushing back. The fear, the sadness, the grief, the anger … it all mixed together into a lump he couldn’t deal with and didn’t know what to do with either.
His whole life, he had never had a good way of dealing with his emotions. After his father’s death, his mother had pulled him along on her journey, making him try to settle into always new homes and situations. He tried his best but how many of those places had really been safe enough for him to express himself? To be honest, there had only been one and she had finally destroyed that for him as well.
Yes, all those years, he had known that he was either unwanted or wanted too much. Even if he didn’t dare to show it, he had indeed understood. But he was simply a child, one that caused her more trouble and that was only allowed to live in those places thanks to the grace of the men his mother chose as her latest try at happiness.
He had to try and be at least the most pleasant version of such a child he could be to make sure he — and her along with him — would not be thrown out so he never dared to complain. Daring to be angry or sad? That was a luxury he didn’t have until he arrived at that final house. And by then, his mother’s mental state had deteriorated to a point where she was the one who made it impossible for him to speak his true thoughts even if his stepfather would have allowed himself to do so.
“What’s the matter?” Shen Lei hugged Luo Lin back, his palm slowly brushing over his back. This wasn’t the first time he held him like this but Luo Lin had never told him what he was thinking in those moments. Often enough, he had felt that whenever he was willing to tell him, that would be the day he didn’t have to worry about losing him any longer but even until now, it hadn’t happened.
Luo Lin hesitantly opened his lips but then shook his head. There was no time to take a break and there certainly was no time to talk about his childhood even though he felt that maybe Shen Lei would understand. “I will tell you when we go back to the sect.”
Shen Lei closed his eyes and hugged him more tightly. “If you want to … I will be there to listen.” Heaven knew that just hearing this promise already made his heart beat faster. Maybe this whole ordeal in the border region had indeed brought them closer together and now, Luo Lin was able to open up completely. Just thinking of that, he felt that it might have been worth it.
He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. Turning his head, he kissed Luo Lin’s cheek and smiled. “We should travel to the Jian Chu Sect’s camp now. The sooner we finish this task, the sooner we can go back and help the others. In a few days … all of this might be over and we can plan when to go back.”
Luo Lin nodded. Yes, in a few days, the battle might be done. Then, they would only need to finish things off and could leave. Of course, that was only the case if they survived all of this but … he felt that after everything, they deserved their happiness so he liked to imagine that they would make it without issue.
Shen Lei nodded, feeling a little bit better after hearing his lover’s words. Right, even if it wasn’t useful right now, it was good to have tested this. Well, not that he had ever doubted that they could do it. There didn’t seem to be any limit on where or how far they could travel. Going up instead of straight ahead seemed like it wouldn’t be a big deal at all.
Luo Lin rubbed his fiance’s chest and gave a hum, his lips curving up. “It’s a pity time is tight or we could have taken a break now.”
Shen Lei’s gaze slipped down to where Luo Lin was straddling his waist and sighed. “That’ll have to wait until things here are taken care of. But don’t worry: We have gotten until here and you are in a better position now compared to before. We’ll manage. And in a few weeks, we’ll be back in the Teng Yong Sect. We … we can get married by then and spend our time however we want.”
Luo Lin nodded and sat up but he didn’t get up further and instead looked at his lover’s face. Talking about getting married … he couldn’t help but think of what had happened before. “I am glad to have found out about my ability since it will certainly come in handy in the future, even after we have finished with things here in the border region. I still wish I had found out in another way though.”
Shen Lei gave a hum, not doubting that for a single moment. He had seen how badly Luo Lin had reacted to seeing him injured and he had only woken up after he had healed considerably. He didn’t even want to know how things had looked while he was still comatose.
He reached up and cupped Luo Lin’s cheek, his own expression solemn. “I will take care of myself. Don’t worry about it. At that time … there really was no other way and I regretted it the moment we stepped into their trap. I just wanted to see you one last time.” He propped himself up with one hand and leaned closer, gently pecking Luo Lin’s lips. “I know it scared you. I’m sorry about that.”
Luo Lin nodded and wrapped his arms around Shen Lei’s neck. They had talked about this before but, indeed, he still worried about it every now and then. He didn’t dare to bring it up because he knew that Shen Lei already felt awful about the whole matter but, sometimes, he woke up in the middle of the night, having dreamed about that day he found Shen Lei’s almost lifeless body.
At those times, all the feelings came rushing back. The fear, the sadness, the grief, the anger … it all mixed together into a lump he couldn’t deal with and didn’t know what to do with either.
His whole life, he had never had a good way of dealing with his emotions. After his father’s death, his mother had pulled him along on her journey, making him try to settle into always new homes and situations. He tried his best but how many of those places had really been safe enough for him to express himself? To be honest, there had only been one and she had finally destroyed that for him as well.
Yes, all those years, he had known that he was either unwanted or wanted too much. Even if he didn’t dare to show it, he had indeed understood. But he was simply a child, one that caused her more trouble and that was only allowed to live in those places thanks to the grace of the men his mother chose as her latest try at happiness.
He had to try and be at least the most pleasant version of such a child he could be to make sure he — and her along with him — would not be thrown out so he never dared to complain. Daring to be angry or sad? That was a luxury he didn’t have until he arrived at that final house. And by then, his mother’s mental state had deteriorated to a point where she was the one who made it impossible for him to speak his true thoughts even if his stepfather would have allowed himself to do so.
“What’s the matter?” Shen Lei hugged Luo Lin back, his palm slowly brushing over his back. This wasn’t the first time he held him like this but Luo Lin had never told him what he was thinking in those moments. Often enough, he had felt that whenever he was willing to tell him, that would be the day he didn’t have to worry about losing him any longer but even until now, it hadn’t happened.
Luo Lin hesitantly opened his lips but then shook his head. There was no time to take a break and there certainly was no time to talk about his childhood even though he felt that maybe Shen Lei would understand. “I will tell you when we go back to the sect.”
Shen Lei closed his eyes and hugged him more tightly. “If you want to … I will be there to listen.” Heaven knew that just hearing this promise already made his heart beat faster. Maybe this whole ordeal in the border region had indeed brought them closer together and now, Luo Lin was able to open up completely. Just thinking of that, he felt that it might have been worth it.
He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. Turning his head, he kissed Luo Lin’s cheek and smiled. “We should travel to the Jian Chu Sect’s camp now. The sooner we finish this task, the sooner we can go back and help the others. In a few days … all of this might be over and we can plan when to go back.”
Luo Lin nodded. Yes, in a few days, the battle might be done. Then, they would only need to finish things off and could leave. Of course, that was only the case if they survived all of this but … he felt that after everything, they deserved their happiness so he liked to imagine that they would make it without issue.
