It was my second time facing the exams, but I still felt more nervous than usual as I finished each subject one by one. I had hoped that recalling old memories would make it easier, but I couldn't remember most of it. It didn't matter, though.
As lunchtime passed and evening approached.
All the exams were finally over. I managed to smoothly answer most of the questions, but I was worried about the parts where I lost focus, suddenly thinking of Yeonho. Still, I thought the results wouldn't be too bad.
I quickly packed my bag and left the exam hall. I wanted to meet Yeonho as soon as possible. If he did well, I wanted to praise him, and if it seemed like the results weren't good, I wanted to be there to comfort him.
But right in front of the school.
I saw my brother. Waiting for me, having parked Dad's car by the roadside.
A sense of déjà vu washed over me.
It was like the day I heard about Yeonho's accident.
My heart sank in an instant. Fortunately, I didn't see any urgency on my brother's face. He seemed a bit grim, though.
Soon, he noticed me and gestured for me to come over. I felt a bit relieved seeing that.
If it were really bad news, he wouldn't be so calm.
Trying to shake off the unpleasant thoughts, I got into the passenger seat.
"What's up? You came all the way to pick me up."
"It's not nothing... But it's not a big deal either, so calm down and listen."
As he started the car, leaving me in suspense, my anxiety flared up again.
"What is it...?"
Please, please let it be nothing.
But contrary to my hopes, my brother delivered unbelievable news.
"Yeonho got injured on his way to the exams and is hospitalized."
-Thud.
It was what I faintly anticipated, but never wanted to hear.
Upon hearing those words, strength left my hands. I didn't even think about picking up my dropped phone. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.
Why.
Why did this have to happen to Yeonho?
I wish it had been me instead.
As I trembled all over, tears flowing endlessly, my brother hurriedly added.
"Hey! Calm down! He just hurt his arm a bit!! He even called earlier and seemed totally fine!"
"You, you spoke to him?!"
"Yeah! He looked damn fine, so stop crying!"
Hearing that, I regained my senses and picked up my phone to call Yeonho immediately.
Even dialing the number was hard with my shaking hands.
"He smashed his phone in the crash. It's busted. If you want to call, try calling his mom or Jeongwoo hyung."
"Sob... Okay, his mom, his mom..."
Sighing, I erased the dialed number and searched for a new one to call.
Please, please pick up quickly...
-Ringringring
-Click
─Hello? Heena, is that you?
Thankfully, his mom answered the call almost before the ringing had stopped.
"Is Yeonho okay?! Is he alright?!"
─You're going to hurt my ears. He's not seriously injured, so calm down. How did your exams go?
"Sob... Yes... he's, he's okay, right...? Sob, he's not badly hurt, is he...?"
I felt relieved at the calm tone of his mother. However, that only made my emotions well up again.
─Yes. I was with him until just a moment ago. I came home to get some of Yeonho's clothes. Are you on your way to the hospital? I heard Heeseong is picking you up.
"Sob... Yes..."
─Oh dear, don't cry. It's just a minor sprain on the elbow, go and see him for yourself.
"Thank you... Sob, I'm sorry for suddenly calling..."
─It's alright. I'm just going to get some things and head back myself. See you there.
"Yes... Sob."
After ending the call with his mother, I urged my brother to hurry.
I wanted to see Yeonho as soon as possible. How badly he was injured didn't matter.
I just needed to see his face right away.
"Ah, if we speed, we'll just be delayed more! Just wait, we'll be there quickly!"
Why do these things keep happening to us? Just when it seems like everything is going smoothly, something like this happens.
Despite my brother's reassurances that it wasn't serious, I couldn't hear anything. I rushed to the hospital and immediately sprinted to Yeonho's room as soon as I got the location.
Though it wasn't a familiar place, the layout of the hospital was similar enough that I found Yeonho's room without getting lost.
Without hesitation, I burst open the door to his room.
"Yeonho!!!"
As I entered, calling out his name, I saw him sitting on the bed, looking towards me.
He had a cast on one arm, but thankfully, he didn't seem to be in pain, greeting me with a calm smile.
"Ah... you're here?"
"Are you okay?! How badly are you hurt?"
Trying to speak nonchalantly, I couldn't process the sight of him in a hospital gown. I just hurriedly approached to check on him.
I noticed some bruises and the cast on his arm that he couldn't move properly.
Tears, which I thought I had already shed enough of, started flowing again.
How much pain must he have been in?
If he had a cast, it was likely more than just a sprain; it could be a fracture.
And the pain of such an accident, I knew all too well. It pained my heart even more, knowing no one could truly understand that feeling.
But then Yeonho, with his foolishness, said something unexpected.
"I'm sorry."
"Sob... For what...?"
"For not being able to take the exam after you spent so much time teaching me."
I was at a loss for words for a moment. How could he be worried about that right now, in this condition? What did that matter?
The moment I fully realized what he said, for the first time ever, I got angry with him.
"What does that matter!!!!"
At that moment, the exam meant nothing to me. It could get thrown away for all I cared.
All I wanted was for him not to be hurt and just to stay by my side.
Why couldn't he understand that?
"I'm sorry for getting hurt. I'll be more careful in the future. So, please don't cry, okay?"
Only after hearing my tear-filled outcry did he seem to understand a bit and apologized, but I couldn't respond.
I just held him and cried my eyes out.
It must have hurt a lot. Certainly, it must have been very painful.
I'm sorry. But still, I thought it was fortunate that he wasn't more seriously injured.
Again.
We weren't separated again.
It was truly fortunate.
After crying my heart out in his arms, I started to feel a bit calmer.
Yeonho was still here with me. Still in front of me, still within my grasp, within reach of my hand.
Only after realizing this could I push away the ominous and anxious thoughts that filled my mind.
And when I went to the hospital bathroom, courtesy of his consideration, and finally saw my face.
It was a complete mess.
My hair was disheveled, and my face, with tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes, looked like a ghost.
I couldn't believe I had shown such a state to Yeonho. Suppressing my embarrassment, I tidied up as much as I could before returning to talk with Yeonho.
My heart ached.
He had fallen down the stairs while helping an elderly woman. Just like the day he was hit by a car while saving a child.
What should I do about Yeonho?
I thought he was amazing. Then and now. Putting himself at risk to help someone else.
At the same time, I inwardly screamed for him not to do that. I wished he would take care of himself first before helping others.
Above all, these accidents seemed to be all because of me.
When he was hit by the car, he was coming out to meet me for a date.
This time, because I had told him to take the subway.
Such thoughts led me to blame myself.
"Don't say that. It's not your fault, and it's not that it was the grandmother's fault either. It just so happened that I was there, and I could help. That's a good thing, right?"
For the first time, Yeonho scolded me. He was right. No one was to blame. It just happened that way.
So, should I just be happy that you're safe now? And also feel sorry for your pain? It hurts me to think of how much pain you must have been in, but exams are important for a high school senior like you.
That darn exam, even if it means struggling for another year, I'll help you. Not just for a year, but for a lifetime if needed.
"But I still want to try. I've got plenty of time now. Oh, and since it's just my arm that's hurt, I can move around fine. How about a date this week?"
But I wish he wouldn't talk about such foolish things. He got hurt today, and he's thinking about moving around?
I had no intention of letting him go anywhere until he was fully recovered. I just couldn't feel at ease unless he was right before my eyes.
I immediately called both my mom and Yeonho's mother to inform them that I would stay in the hospital room as Yeonho's primary caretaker.
─Oh my, I heard from Heeseong~ It's fortunate he's not seriously hurt... Anyway, being too kind can be a problem sometimes. Sure, do as you wish.
"You'll talk to the in-laws, right?"
─Yes, thank you. I'll contact them.
I agreed. Yeonho was so kind-hearted, it was almost a flaw. Having gotten my mom's permission, I called Yeonho's mother next.
─Primary caretaker? How did you know about that? Well, I was planning to stay, but if you want to, then it's fine. Is school okay?
"Yes. I just need to go tomorrow, and then it's the weekend. Thank you for allowing me."
His mother readily agreed. Yeonho didn't know, but I had already had many conversations with his mother about the future I envisioned with Yeonho. Knowing my sincerity, she trusted me even more.
Anyway, I got permission from both. From this moment on, I was going to take care of Yeonho until he fully recovered, making sure he couldn't even budge.
Yeonho, having trouble using one arm, needed my help in various ways.
I shouldn't think this way, but...
It was somewhat cute. Like taking care of a child. Though I was being a bit pushy.
Of course, there was a bit of a conflict at one point.
"I’m just trying to help!"
"I can go to the bathroom by myself!"
I just wanted to help him, considering he might have trouble using the restroom. But it was frustrating when he called his mother for help instead.
I had no ulterior motives. Really.
But after his logical assertion that he could handle it himself, I had nothing more to say.
Stepping back with a hint of disappointment, he sighed and made a suggestion.
"When we live together... we'll need rules, right? Like dividing household chores, for example."
"You're right. This room does have a studio apartment vibe. Shall we think about it together?"
I agreed with his suggestion. I was grateful he brought it up first. It meant Yeonho was also envisioning a future where we lived together.
Moreover, it wasn't far off. Our living together was imminent.
I hadn't told Yeonho yet, but I had mentioned it in passing before, so it wasn't completely out of the blue.
We continued to have many conversations after that.
"Yeonho, listen carefully."
I had to convince him, albeit forcefully, to accept my help without feeling embarrassed.
"Yeah, I know. You can put on your pants alone. But the top has buttons and might be difficult, right? I'll help with that."
I didn't want to see or touch Yeonho's skin out of desire, but solely to help him.
"Then, take your time bathing after I leave, and I'll help you wash your hair."
I could offer to help with the shower, but I knew he wouldn't allow that.
Besides, I had convinced him that he couldn't do anything without my help in the hospital room, and then we moved on to the main topic.
We discussed what we had only imagined before, about how we would want things to be when we lived together.
There was nothing special. Morning and evening, when leaving and returning home... In fact, even such distinctions were unnecessary.
It was enough for him to whisper that he loved me and to kiss me. It seemed, though, that my brother had given Yeonho some needless advice.
"It's not. I want to feed you what I've cooked."
"That's right. I want you to gain strength from the food I cook when you return home."
I had no choice but to agree to such words.
This was connected to my deepest desires, things I wished for but never expressed.
Nevertheless, I couldn't hide my joy at his words and smiled. The gloom that had clouded my heart due to his accident was now brightening.
As long as Yeonho was there.
As long as Yeonho safely stayed by my side.
Nothing else was needed.
As my worries faded, the days spent together in the hospital room were blissful.
Taking care of his daily needs, spending time together from morning till evening in a space where no one disturbed us.
Even when waking up after sleeping.
-Smooch
"Sleep well~"
Being able to kiss and greet him like that was pure happiness. Although there were days when his mother sent me back home, so I couldn't do it every day.
Moreover, when helping him change clothes, buttoning up while seeing his pale skin felt like we were truly a married couple.
"Sigh..."
"Heena? It's cold, can you button me up quickly?"
"Uh, okay..."
Seeing his body, I had to suppress the desire that started to heat up from within.
Sometimes, when I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him sleeping, I wanted to touch him. But not yet. There was still a little time left. Until that day. I didn't want to ignore his decision, so I barely managed to restrain my intense feelings and touched him just a little.
We spent our days in the hospital like that, and even after he was discharged, I visited his home every day, continuing to care for him.
Everyone had become so accustomed to my visits, which I really liked. It felt like I was part of the family.
And eventually, I decided on Seoyeon University for college. There was no need to aim lower if Yeonho couldn't join me.
Before, I chose to receive scholarships to lessen the burden on my family, but with a better understanding of the world, I realized there was no need for that in our household.
It was a mature decision, yet at the same time, a naive one. I realized that attending the best possible university was a better choice for the future.
For both Yeonho and me.
When I mentioned Seoyeon University, Yeonho, who had planned to study for an extra year to aim for the same university, seemed a bit taken aback.
But it's okay.
Even if we can't go to the same place.
Or even if we don't go at all.
Just stay like that.
It was my second time facing the exams, but I still felt more nervous than usual as I finished each subject one by one. I had hoped that recalling old memories would make it easier, but I couldn't remember most of it. It didn't matter, though.
As lunchtime passed and evening approached.
All the exams were finally over. I managed to smoothly answer most of the questions, but I was worried about the parts where I lost focus, suddenly thinking of Yeonho. Still, I thought the results wouldn't be too bad.
I quickly packed my bag and left the exam hall. I wanted to meet Yeonho as soon as possible. If he did well, I wanted to praise him, and if it seemed like the results weren't good, I wanted to be there to comfort him.
But right in front of the school.
I saw my brother. Waiting for me, having parked Dad's car by the roadside.
A sense of déjà vu washed over me.
It was like the day I heard about Yeonho's accident.
My heart sank in an instant. Fortunately, I didn't see any urgency on my brother's face. He seemed a bit grim, though.
Soon, he noticed me and gestured for me to come over. I felt a bit relieved seeing that.
If it were really bad news, he wouldn't be so calm.
Trying to shake off the unpleasant thoughts, I got into the passenger seat.
"What's up? You came all the way to pick me up."
"It's not nothing... But it's not a big deal either, so calm down and listen."
As he started the car, leaving me in suspense, my anxiety flared up again.
"What is it...?"
Please, please let it be nothing.
But contrary to my hopes, my brother delivered unbelievable news.
"Yeonho got injured on his way to the exams and is hospitalized."
-Thud.
It was what I faintly anticipated, but never wanted to hear.
Upon hearing those words, strength left my hands. I didn't even think about picking up my dropped phone. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.
Why.
Why did this have to happen to Yeonho?
I wish it had been me instead.
As I trembled all over, tears flowing endlessly, my brother hurriedly added.
"Hey! Calm down! He just hurt his arm a bit!! He even called earlier and seemed totally fine!"
"You, you spoke to him?!"
"Yeah! He looked damn fine, so stop crying!"
Hearing that, I regained my senses and picked up my phone to call Yeonho immediately.
Even dialing the number was hard with my shaking hands.
"He smashed his phone in the crash. It's busted. If you want to call, try calling his mom or Jeongwoo hyung."
"Sob... Okay, his mom, his mom..."
Sighing, I erased the dialed number and searched for a new one to call.
Please, please pick up quickly...
-Ringringring
-Click
─Hello? Heena, is that you?
Thankfully, his mom answered the call almost before the ringing had stopped.
"Is Yeonho okay?! Is he alright?!"
─You're going to hurt my ears. He's not seriously injured, so calm down. How did your exams go?
"Sob... Yes... he's, he's okay, right...? Sob, he's not badly hurt, is he...?"
I felt relieved at the calm tone of his mother. However, that only made my emotions well up again.
─Yes. I was with him until just a moment ago. I came home to get some of Yeonho's clothes. Are you on your way to the hospital? I heard Heeseong is picking you up.
"Sob... Yes..."
─Oh dear, don't cry. It's just a minor sprain on the elbow, go and see him for yourself.
"Thank you... Sob, I'm sorry for suddenly calling..."
─It's alright. I'm just going to get some things and head back myself. See you there.
"Yes... Sob."
After ending the call with his mother, I urged my brother to hurry.
I wanted to see Yeonho as soon as possible. How badly he was injured didn't matter.
I just needed to see his face right away.
"Ah, if we speed, we'll just be delayed more! Just wait, we'll be there quickly!"
Why do these things keep happening to us? Just when it seems like everything is going smoothly, something like this happens.
Despite my brother's reassurances that it wasn't serious, I couldn't hear anything. I rushed to the hospital and immediately sprinted to Yeonho's room as soon as I got the location.
Though it wasn't a familiar place, the layout of the hospital was similar enough that I found Yeonho's room without getting lost.
Without hesitation, I burst open the door to his room.
"Yeonho!!!"
As I entered, calling out his name, I saw him sitting on the bed, looking towards me.
He had a cast on one arm, but thankfully, he didn't seem to be in pain, greeting me with a calm smile.
"Ah... you're here?"
"Are you okay?! How badly are you hurt?"
Trying to speak nonchalantly, I couldn't process the sight of him in a hospital gown. I just hurriedly approached to check on him.
I noticed some bruises and the cast on his arm that he couldn't move properly.
Tears, which I thought I had already shed enough of, started flowing again.
How much pain must he have been in?
If he had a cast, it was likely more than just a sprain; it could be a fracture.
And the pain of such an accident, I knew all too well. It pained my heart even more, knowing no one could truly understand that feeling.
But then Yeonho, with his foolishness, said something unexpected.
"I'm sorry."
"Sob... For what...?"
"For not being able to take the exam after you spent so much time teaching me."
I was at a loss for words for a moment. How could he be worried about that right now, in this condition? What did that matter?
The moment I fully realized what he said, for the first time ever, I got angry with him.
"What does that matter!!!!"
At that moment, the exam meant nothing to me. It could get thrown away for all I cared.
All I wanted was for him not to be hurt and just to stay by my side.
Why couldn't he understand that?
"I'm sorry for getting hurt. I'll be more careful in the future. So, please don't cry, okay?"
Only after hearing my tear-filled outcry did he seem to understand a bit and apologized, but I couldn't respond.
I just held him and cried my eyes out.
It must have hurt a lot. Certainly, it must have been very painful.
I'm sorry. But still, I thought it was fortunate that he wasn't more seriously injured.
Again.
We weren't separated again.
It was truly fortunate.
After crying my heart out in his arms, I started to feel a bit calmer.
Yeonho was still here with me. Still in front of me, still within my grasp, within reach of my hand.
Only after realizing this could I push away the ominous and anxious thoughts that filled my mind.
And when I went to the hospital bathroom, courtesy of his consideration, and finally saw my face.
It was a complete mess.
My hair was disheveled, and my face, with tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes, looked like a ghost.
I couldn't believe I had shown such a state to Yeonho. Suppressing my embarrassment, I tidied up as much as I could before returning to talk with Yeonho.
My heart ached.
He had fallen down the stairs while helping an elderly woman. Just like the day he was hit by a car while saving a child.
What should I do about Yeonho?
I thought he was amazing. Then and now. Putting himself at risk to help someone else.
At the same time, I inwardly screamed for him not to do that. I wished he would take care of himself first before helping others.
Above all, these accidents seemed to be all because of me.
When he was hit by the car, he was coming out to meet me for a date.
This time, because I had told him to take the subway.
Such thoughts led me to blame myself.
"Don't say that. It's not your fault, and it's not that it was the grandmother's fault either. It just so happened that I was there, and I could help. That's a good thing, right?"
For the first time, Yeonho scolded me. He was right. No one was to blame. It just happened that way.
So, should I just be happy that you're safe now? And also feel sorry for your pain? It hurts me to think of how much pain you must have been in, but exams are important for a high school senior like you.
That darn exam, even if it means struggling for another year, I'll help you. Not just for a year, but for a lifetime if needed.
"But I still want to try. I've got plenty of time now. Oh, and since it's just my arm that's hurt, I can move around fine. How about a date this week?"
But I wish he wouldn't talk about such foolish things. He got hurt today, and he's thinking about moving around?
I had no intention of letting him go anywhere until he was fully recovered. I just couldn't feel at ease unless he was right before my eyes.
I immediately called both my mom and Yeonho's mother to inform them that I would stay in the hospital room as Yeonho's primary caretaker.
─Oh my, I heard from Heeseong~ It's fortunate he's not seriously hurt... Anyway, being too kind can be a problem sometimes. Sure, do as you wish.
"You'll talk to the in-laws, right?"
─Yes, thank you. I'll contact them.
I agreed. Yeonho was so kind-hearted, it was almost a flaw. Having gotten my mom's permission, I called Yeonho's mother next.
─Primary caretaker? How did you know about that? Well, I was planning to stay, but if you want to, then it's fine. Is school okay?
"Yes. I just need to go tomorrow, and then it's the weekend. Thank you for allowing me."
His mother readily agreed. Yeonho didn't know, but I had already had many conversations with his mother about the future I envisioned with Yeonho. Knowing my sincerity, she trusted me even more.
Anyway, I got permission from both. From this moment on, I was going to take care of Yeonho until he fully recovered, making sure he couldn't even budge.
Yeonho, having trouble using one arm, needed my help in various ways.
I shouldn't think this way, but...
It was somewhat cute. Like taking care of a child. Though I was being a bit pushy.
Of course, there was a bit of a conflict at one point.
"I’m just trying to help!"
"I can go to the bathroom by myself!"
I just wanted to help him, considering he might have trouble using the restroom. But it was frustrating when he called his mother for help instead.
I had no ulterior motives. Really.
But after his logical assertion that he could handle it himself, I had nothing more to say.
Stepping back with a hint of disappointment, he sighed and made a suggestion.
"When we live together... we'll need rules, right? Like dividing household chores, for example."
"You're right. This room does have a studio apartment vibe. Shall we think about it together?"
I agreed with his suggestion. I was grateful he brought it up first. It meant Yeonho was also envisioning a future where we lived together.
Moreover, it wasn't far off. Our living together was imminent.
I hadn't told Yeonho yet, but I had mentioned it in passing before, so it wasn't completely out of the blue.
We continued to have many conversations after that.
"Yeonho, listen carefully."
I had to convince him, albeit forcefully, to accept my help without feeling embarrassed.
"Yeah, I know. You can put on your pants alone. But the top has buttons and might be difficult, right? I'll help with that."
I didn't want to see or touch Yeonho's skin out of desire, but solely to help him.
"Then, take your time bathing after I leave, and I'll help you wash your hair."
I could offer to help with the shower, but I knew he wouldn't allow that.
Besides, I had convinced him that he couldn't do anything without my help in the hospital room, and then we moved on to the main topic.
We discussed what we had only imagined before, about how we would want things to be when we lived together.
There was nothing special. Morning and evening, when leaving and returning home... In fact, even such distinctions were unnecessary.
It was enough for him to whisper that he loved me and to kiss me. It seemed, though, that my brother had given Yeonho some needless advice.
"It's not. I want to feed you what I've cooked."
"That's right. I want you to gain strength from the food I cook when you return home."
I had no choice but to agree to such words.
This was connected to my deepest desires, things I wished for but never expressed.
Nevertheless, I couldn't hide my joy at his words and smiled. The gloom that had clouded my heart due to his accident was now brightening.
As long as Yeonho was there.
As long as Yeonho safely stayed by my side.
Nothing else was needed.
As my worries faded, the days spent together in the hospital room were blissful.
Taking care of his daily needs, spending time together from morning till evening in a space where no one disturbed us.
Even when waking up after sleeping.
-Smooch
"Sleep well~"
Being able to kiss and greet him like that was pure happiness. Although there were days when his mother sent me back home, so I couldn't do it every day.
Moreover, when helping him change clothes, buttoning up while seeing his pale skin felt like we were truly a married couple.
"Sigh..."
"Heena? It's cold, can you button me up quickly?"
"Uh, okay..."
Seeing his body, I had to suppress the desire that started to heat up from within.
Sometimes, when I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him sleeping, I wanted to touch him. But not yet. There was still a little time left. Until that day. I didn't want to ignore his decision, so I barely managed to restrain my intense feelings and touched him just a little.
We spent our days in the hospital like that, and even after he was discharged, I visited his home every day, continuing to care for him.
Everyone had become so accustomed to my visits, which I really liked. It felt like I was part of the family.
And eventually, I decided on Seoyeon University for college. There was no need to aim lower if Yeonho couldn't join me.
Before, I chose to receive scholarships to lessen the burden on my family, but with a better understanding of the world, I realized there was no need for that in our household.
It was a mature decision, yet at the same time, a naive one. I realized that attending the best possible university was a better choice for the future.
For both Yeonho and me.
When I mentioned Seoyeon University, Yeonho, who had planned to study for an extra year to aim for the same university, seemed a bit taken aback.
But it's okay.
Even if we can't go to the same place.
Or even if we don't go at all.
Just stay like that.
