“…I can forget my memories? Completely?”
If that is what you want.
“…….”
Then… This meant that I could forget all the painful memories, the terrible memories, and the hurtful memories.
If I could forget those painful memories, wouldn’t I be much happier than I was now? …I had such a thought. At first glance, it sounded like a very good offer.
…But if I forget those memories, would I still be the same person? Would I still be ‘me’?
I would be an unfinished picture with one piece missing. Can that really count as happiness?
“I…”
I hesitated for a moment. But I did not dwell on the thought for long. I made up my mind quickly and declared it.
“I won’t forget any memories.”
They were all me. Me in all those memories. The current ‘me’ was made up of countless facets of myself, existing in the moments I had lived, which were as many as the stars above.
If any one of them were to disappear, I would no longer be me.
So, what is the point of prolonging my life?
I am proud of you.
“You’re proud…?”
Because people would usually choose to lose a memory and save their lives.
“…….”
I guess so. This is a crazy choice. But…just because my physical condition was so bad that it seemed like I was going to die at any given moment, that didn’t mean that I would die right away.
Deciding not to forget those memories was a choice to live. In order to live as a whole me without any empty parts. Even if there were painful memories, I am who I am today because I had endured those days.
So, I will get out of here as the whole me. Without losing anything.
I got up, leaning on the sarcophagus. I opened my heavy eyes, and squeezed my voice.
“Somnia, show me the way. I wish to leave this place.”
But then, the small light flew in front of me. But it seemed to just stare at me without saying anything.
Feeling something unusual, I stopped and looked at the small light.
After some time had passed, a small light spoke.
[ Sister, I will give you my memories. ]
“…What?”
[ In exchange for my memories, Sister needs to gain life force… Truthfully, I’m like mere dregs formed from the lingering feelings I have for my life, so I don’t remember much. So you probably won’t get much life force at the cost of my memories… Still, I want to give you my memories. I really want you to live, Sister. ]
“…….”
…I didn’t know what to say. It’s because I didn’t know that there would be a person in the world who would sacrifice themselves for the sake of someone they saw for the first time. I thought that kind of thing only comes out of fairy tales or heroic stories. I said in dismay.
“…No, you don’t have to do that. Anyway, I was originally in poor health…”
[ Then I want to give more! Sister, live a long, healthy life! ]
“Wait…!”
The small light suddenly rushed towards me. It happened in a flash. In an instant, someone’s memories flowed into me as the world grew distant.
It was the small light’s memories.
‘Hey, you’re the monster’s child?’
‘My grandmother said it. Your mother had a relationship with a monster and gave birth to you? Ugh, dirty!’
‘Dirty! This monster!’
“…….”
I wondered if there were only bad memories from her previous life. The other memories were also similar. Neighborhood children and adults cursed and pointed at the small light, and even said that she should be burned.
The small light went home, crying. Her mom and dad were fighting. They blamed each other. They shouted that it was all the other’s fault that the monster child was born.
Then, Mom and Dad’s eyes suddenly changed when they saw the small light. They grabbed the small light and locked her in a cramped warehouse.
The small light whimpered, shivering in the cold in the narrow warehouse, and fell asleep.
When she woke up, she was being dragged somewhere with her hands and feet tied.
The place she arrived at was the deep pit called the Panopticon at the time.
‘What, what about my mom and dad? Why am I here? Mom! Dad!’
The little light cried and looked for her mom and dad. However, adults in black ignored the crying child and dragged her to the pit. No one tried to comfort or rescue the child. That’s how the small light fell into the deep, dark pit.
“…….”
[ Sister, don’t cry. ]
That was the last thing she remembered. It was only when I heard the small light’s voice that I realized I was crying.
Hot tears flowed down both cheeks.
[ It was a long time ago. It’s okay now. ]
…Lies. When I first met you, you were crying.
[ I must have been hoping someone would soothe me in this pit. I guess that was my wish. I wanted someone to hug me and comfort me. Then I thought I could finally stop crying. ]
“…….”
Thank you, Sister.
“…….”
[ Thank you for hugging me. Now I can leave in peace. ]
“…I can forget my memories? Completely?”
If that is what you want.
“…….”
Then… This meant that I could forget all the painful memories, the terrible memories, and the hurtful memories.
If I could forget those painful memories, wouldn’t I be much happier than I was now? …I had such a thought. At first glance, it sounded like a very good offer.
…But if I forget those memories, would I still be the same person? Would I still be ‘me’?
I would be an unfinished picture with one piece missing. Can that really count as happiness?
“I…”
I hesitated for a moment. But I did not dwell on the thought for long. I made up my mind quickly and declared it.
“I won’t forget any memories.”
They were all me. Me in all those memories. The current ‘me’ was made up of countless facets of myself, existing in the moments I had lived, which were as many as the stars above.
If any one of them were to disappear, I would no longer be me.
So, what is the point of prolonging my life?
I am proud of you.
“You’re proud…?”
Because people would usually choose to lose a memory and save their lives.
“…….”
I guess so. This is a crazy choice. But…just because my physical condition was so bad that it seemed like I was going to die at any given moment, that didn’t mean that I would die right away.
Deciding not to forget those memories was a choice to live. In order to live as a whole me without any empty parts. Even if there were painful memories, I am who I am today because I had endured those days.
So, I will get out of here as the whole me. Without losing anything.
I got up, leaning on the sarcophagus. I opened my heavy eyes, and squeezed my voice.
“Somnia, show me the way. I wish to leave this place.”
But then, the small light flew in front of me. But it seemed to just stare at me without saying anything.
Feeling something unusual, I stopped and looked at the small light.
After some time had passed, a small light spoke.
[ Sister, I will give you my memories. ]
“…What?”
[ In exchange for my memories, Sister needs to gain life force… Truthfully, I’m like mere dregs formed from the lingering feelings I have for my life, so I don’t remember much. So you probably won’t get much life force at the cost of my memories… Still, I want to give you my memories. I really want you to live, Sister. ]
“…….”
…I didn’t know what to say. It’s because I didn’t know that there would be a person in the world who would sacrifice themselves for the sake of someone they saw for the first time. I thought that kind of thing only comes out of fairy tales or heroic stories. I said in dismay.
“…No, you don’t have to do that. Anyway, I was originally in poor health…”
[ Then I want to give more! Sister, live a long, healthy life! ]
“Wait…!”
The small light suddenly rushed towards me. It happened in a flash. In an instant, someone’s memories flowed into me as the world grew distant.
It was the small light’s memories.
‘Hey, you’re the monster’s child?’
‘My grandmother said it. Your mother had a relationship with a monster and gave birth to you? Ugh, dirty!’
‘Dirty! This monster!’
“…….”
I wondered if there were only bad memories from her previous life. The other memories were also similar. Neighborhood children and adults cursed and pointed at the small light, and even said that she should be burned.
The small light went home, crying. Her mom and dad were fighting. They blamed each other. They shouted that it was all the other’s fault that the monster child was born.
Then, Mom and Dad’s eyes suddenly changed when they saw the small light. They grabbed the small light and locked her in a cramped warehouse.
The small light whimpered, shivering in the cold in the narrow warehouse, and fell asleep.
When she woke up, she was being dragged somewhere with her hands and feet tied.
The place she arrived at was the deep pit called the Panopticon at the time.
‘What, what about my mom and dad? Why am I here? Mom! Dad!’
The little light cried and looked for her mom and dad. However, adults in black ignored the crying child and dragged her to the pit. No one tried to comfort or rescue the child. That’s how the small light fell into the deep, dark pit.
“…….”
[ Sister, don’t cry. ]
That was the last thing she remembered. It was only when I heard the small light’s voice that I realized I was crying.
Hot tears flowed down both cheeks.
[ It was a long time ago. It’s okay now. ]
…Lies. When I first met you, you were crying.
[ I must have been hoping someone would soothe me in this pit. I guess that was my wish. I wanted someone to hug me and comfort me. Then I thought I could finally stop crying. ]
“…….”
Thank you, Sister.
“…….”
[ Thank you for hugging me. Now I can leave in peace. ]
