“No, I’ve been wanting to drink for the past few days. But since we were filming, I decided to wait after that. It just so happens that tomorrow is the weekend.”
Jiheon explained as he refilled his empty glass. When he said that he wasn’t particularly close with those seniors on campus, Jaekyung’s suspicions seemed waned, and he started peeling pistachios again.
Jiheon couldn’t help but notice how Jaekyung meticulously peeled all the shell-less nuts like almonds and cashews, but only fed Jiheon the pistachios, he couldn’t help but think that this was the most delicious thing he could put in his mouth.
“But why did you ask those seniors such useless things? What’s the point of knowing what I did during my club activities?”
“I like hearing things about you that I don’t know. What classes you took in college, what you did during club activities, what you did at festivals, things like that. I want to know everything because you don’t really tell me about that.”
Jaekyung said, picking dried cranberries from among the nuts and eating them. Jiheon observed Jaekyung for a moment and then playfully nudged him.
“Even so, most of what they told you is about me dating someone else. Aren’t you jealous?”
“………”
Jaekyung didn’t answer. He simply gazed at Jiheon with narrowed eyes, continuing to chew the dried cranberries.
Jiheon smiled, finished his beer, and opened a new can.
“I’m just kidding. Don’t be jealous. You heard it earlier. We broke up really quickly.”
When he said that the longest relationship he’d had lasted about four months, Jaekyung asked him as if he couldn’t understand.
“Then why the hell did you go out?”
“Well, because they said they liked me?”
This time, he drank straight from the can instead of pouring it into a glass.
“No, not you, hyung, but those people.”
Jaekyung resumed shelling the pistachios.
“If they were going to break up with you so soon, why did they ask you out?”
Jiheon contemplated the question, watching as the nutshells fell from Jaekyung’s fingertips. He mused to himself.
“I don’t know… Thinking about it now, I guess I was a bit like a trophy boyfriend.”
Anyway, Jiheon was quite famous on campus. Some people, after hearing that their friends who broke up with Jiheon were bragging that, “He is nice to me during our relationship, he secretly takes care of me without me knowing, and he accepts everything without any complaint,” they started to approach Jiheon. Not based on romantic feelings, but with the thought that, “Is that for real? Should I try dating him too, then?” But then, they asked for a breakup right away, thinking, “He’s not as great as I thought. Nothing special.”
“What the hell. Those fucking bastards.”
Jaekyung muttered, seemingly annoyed. Jiheon glanced at him, who seemed so upset that he devoured pistachios as soon as he peeled them. Jiheon responded with a smile.
“Well, of course not all of them are like that. I’m sure there are people who confessed to me because they genuinely liked me.”
Jiheon gulped down half of his beer in one go.
“But when we actually started dating, maybe they got disappointed because it was different from what they expected. Or maybe there’s something I did that made them sad without me knowing, or stuff like that.”
“If they asked you out because they really liked you, there’s no way they could change their hearts that easily.”
Jaekyung frowned.
“ ‘Like’? What does that even mean?”
Jiheon shook his beer can and chuckled.
“It only takes a moment to change your heart about anything.”
“Hyung, you said you’ve never liked anyone, but you’re talking like you know all about it.”
Jaekyung was now grumbling at Jiheon. Jiheon smiled quietly, noticing that Jaekyung didn’t even try to hide his anger.
“Why not? Even I’ve been clinging onto something for ten years because I liked them.”
He only spoke those words, but his throat already felt like it was burning. He took another sip of beer.
“I thought I would like them if I gave them my whole life, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to look away. But that wasn’t the case. Once I thought it wouldn’t work, I changed my heart in an instant. After that, just thinking about them is painful, and I felt like I was gonna die just by looking at them. That’s why I wanted to run away from them as soon as I could.”
“What the… You said you’ve never liked anyone?”
Jaekyung furrowed his brow. He seemed anxious, as if thinking, ‘Hyung, did you have a past with someone that you’ve never told me about?’
“Yeah, I’m not talking about people.”
“Then?”
Jiheon finished his beer and crumpled the empty can.
“Swimming.”
Jaekyung’s hand, which was picking out pistachios, froze. Jiheon acted like he didn’t notice and grabbed a fresh beer.
“You started swimming when you were eleven, right? I’ve been doing it since I was seven. Like you, I was called a prodigy when I was in elementary school, and I made it to the national team in middle school. I was probably the best swimmer in this country until you showed up.”
As soon as he popped the can open, he took a quick sip. The carbonation of the beer hitting his throat felt particularly strong, almost stinging.
“When people said I’m good at it, it motivated me to do even better… so I worked really hard. I’d get up early in the morning, warm up for an hour or two before heading to school, and after my morning classes, I’d return in the afternoon for strength training. I didn’t even realize it was hard, because swimming is so much fun and I loved every moment of it. I thought I would do it for as long as I could, retire as late as possible, and even continue as an instructor, coach, or just keep swimming anyway.”
As he reminisced about his younger self and that innocent dream, Jiheon couldn’t help but burst into laughter. But it was the truth. He genuinely loved swimming and enjoyed being in the water every day. Even when he went home in tears due to the coach’s harsh scolding and grueling training, he couldn’t wait to dive back into the pool the next morning.
“But after winning a medal at the World Championships, I was rather discouraged. I couldn’t help but feel like it was the end of it all.”
Jiheon admitted, deliberately avoiding Jaekyung’s gaze and focusing on the mouth of the can he held.
“My lap time back then was more than 2 seconds, almost 3 seconds faster than my usual record. That was when a once-in-a-lifetime miracle as an athlete came to me. Because my condition was good and my luck was even better. Two swimmers who were expected to make it to the finals were disqualified in the semis.”
Jiheon chuckled, tapping his fingertips on the can.
“People say that records are made by humans and medals are given by God. Well, they’re right. I won a medal not because I was good at it, but because I had good luck. It was so frustrating because I thought there would never be any more chance than this. People were already talking about the Olympics, but I knew it was impossible.”
Normally, winning a medal at the Asian Games would’ve been seen as a great accomplishment, but after winning at the World Championships, it felt like the Asian Games should’ve been a given.
The pressure was even greater than before, and Jiheon had also realized his limitations as an athlete through that competition. He no longer had the confidence to continue. People would only remember the World Championship, and it was scary to think that he would have to continue showing something worse than that.
In the past, even if his record was a little poor, he’d be motivated to improve it. But now, regardless of how good his record was, he’d always compare it to the World Championships, feeling anxious and impatient, thinking, “This is not enough. It needs to be shortened even further.”
As a result, he no longer enjoyed swimming and felt like he was going insane in the water. He blamed his body for not being able to keep up with his greed, and he even regretted participating in the World Championship. In the end, he found himself in tears, questioning why he’d started swimming in the first place.
“Once I lost my heart like that, it was tough to get it back together. Meanwhile, I strained my shoulder joint because I overexerted myself, and the new elementary school student was a true prodigy who couldn’t even be compared to me. Especially when people said he was an Alpha. When I thought about how the durability of his body was different from mine, I felt envious and jealous. Oh, but that’s not the reason for me to quit.”
Jiheon explained quickly, afraid that Jaekyung might get the wrong idea. Sure enough, Jaekyung’s expression had already stiffened.
“Actually, it was you who kept me going for a few more months. I was happy when you told me my strokes were cool.”
Fortunately, Jaekyung’s expression softened a bit. Yet, he remained serious, and that expression had been there since Jiheon began talking about swimming.
Jiheon continued to talk regardless.
“But back then, my mind was already in turmoil, and I wanted to quit quickly. But when I tried to quit, I was scared and didn’t have the courage. That’s why I dragged on for half a year.”
Perhaps because he talked a lot, he felt thirsty. He gulped down more than half of his beer in one go, as if he were drained. Setting down the nearly empty can, he felt a slight dizziness.
‘It’s not the right time to get drunk. There’s no way I could get drunk just from this.’
Jiheon continued to speak even though he thought it was an illusion.
“When I made the decision to quit swimming, the most common thing I heard was that I wasn’t being responsible. They’d say, ‘You’re the best in our country. How can a national team member like you give up so easily?’”
— You’re not dealing with any irreparable injuries, so does it make sense to quit just because you can’t do it anymore? The federation’s support depends on your performance, so you have to tough it out for your fellow swimmers! Do you think they keep going because they like it either?!
Everyone went on like that. Jiheon listened to them wholeheartedly because of the people who had helped him and his parents who had worked hard for him.
— What are you gonna do with such grit? If you’re like this, you won’t be able to do anything even after you quit swimming. If you do something and it gets difficult again, you’ll just quickly run away for sure….
They hurled words that went beyond verbal abuse and almost felt like curses.
In particular, the federation was almost in a frenzy because they had hoped to sell Jiheon’s name for various projects and secure subsidies, so they went bat-shit crazy.
They told Jiheon that he got all cocky after being praised a little, and they slapped him, telling him to fix his rotten attitude first. On the contrary, they hugged and patted him on the back, comforting him by saying, “Let’s try one more time, okay? You’re always good at this.”
“Those crazy bastards.”
Jaekyung interjected for the first time.
“Those fucking federation old geezers. I should’ve just set their building on fire.”
He wasn’t even visibly angry when he muttered softly, but it made his anger even more noticeable.
“Well, the federation is pretty much gone now. Most of them are probably jobless at this point. It’s almost as if you’ve already had your revenge, so don’t be too upset.”
Jiheon said jokingly.
“And getting slapped back then wasn’t a big deal. Honestly, among the athletes in this country, is there anyone who trained without getting a few slaps and being cursed at? A couple of slaps on the face are nothing.”
In fact, the words he had heard during that time lingered in his heart like a scar for much longer than the sharp slap on his face.
“But that was probably… something I’ve already thought about before those people told me. That’s why I couldn’t shake it off.”
“No, I’ve been wanting to drink for the past few days. But since we were filming, I decided to wait after that. It just so happens that tomorrow is the weekend.”
Jiheon explained as he refilled his empty glass. When he said that he wasn’t particularly close with those seniors on campus, Jaekyung’s suspicions seemed waned, and he started peeling pistachios again.
Jiheon couldn’t help but notice how Jaekyung meticulously peeled all the shell-less nuts like almonds and cashews, but only fed Jiheon the pistachios, he couldn’t help but think that this was the most delicious thing he could put in his mouth.
“But why did you ask those seniors such useless things? What’s the point of knowing what I did during my club activities?”
“I like hearing things about you that I don’t know. What classes you took in college, what you did during club activities, what you did at festivals, things like that. I want to know everything because you don’t really tell me about that.”
Jaekyung said, picking dried cranberries from among the nuts and eating them. Jiheon observed Jaekyung for a moment and then playfully nudged him.
“Even so, most of what they told you is about me dating someone else. Aren’t you jealous?”
“………”
Jaekyung didn’t answer. He simply gazed at Jiheon with narrowed eyes, continuing to chew the dried cranberries.
Jiheon smiled, finished his beer, and opened a new can.
“I’m just kidding. Don’t be jealous. You heard it earlier. We broke up really quickly.”
When he said that the longest relationship he’d had lasted about four months, Jaekyung asked him as if he couldn’t understand.
“Then why the hell did you go out?”
“Well, because they said they liked me?”
This time, he drank straight from the can instead of pouring it into a glass.
“No, not you, hyung, but those people.”
Jaekyung resumed shelling the pistachios.
“If they were going to break up with you so soon, why did they ask you out?”
Jiheon contemplated the question, watching as the nutshells fell from Jaekyung’s fingertips. He mused to himself.
“I don’t know… Thinking about it now, I guess I was a bit like a trophy boyfriend.”
Anyway, Jiheon was quite famous on campus. Some people, after hearing that their friends who broke up with Jiheon were bragging that, “He is nice to me during our relationship, he secretly takes care of me without me knowing, and he accepts everything without any complaint,” they started to approach Jiheon. Not based on romantic feelings, but with the thought that, “Is that for real? Should I try dating him too, then?” But then, they asked for a breakup right away, thinking, “He’s not as great as I thought. Nothing special.”
“What the hell. Those fucking bastards.”
Jaekyung muttered, seemingly annoyed. Jiheon glanced at him, who seemed so upset that he devoured pistachios as soon as he peeled them. Jiheon responded with a smile.
“Well, of course not all of them are like that. I’m sure there are people who confessed to me because they genuinely liked me.”
Jiheon gulped down half of his beer in one go.
“But when we actually started dating, maybe they got disappointed because it was different from what they expected. Or maybe there’s something I did that made them sad without me knowing, or stuff like that.”
“If they asked you out because they really liked you, there’s no way they could change their hearts that easily.”
Jaekyung frowned.
“ ‘Like’? What does that even mean?”
Jiheon shook his beer can and chuckled.
“It only takes a moment to change your heart about anything.”
“Hyung, you said you’ve never liked anyone, but you’re talking like you know all about it.”
Jaekyung was now grumbling at Jiheon. Jiheon smiled quietly, noticing that Jaekyung didn’t even try to hide his anger.
“Why not? Even I’ve been clinging onto something for ten years because I liked them.”
He only spoke those words, but his throat already felt like it was burning. He took another sip of beer.
“I thought I would like them if I gave them my whole life, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to look away. But that wasn’t the case. Once I thought it wouldn’t work, I changed my heart in an instant. After that, just thinking about them is painful, and I felt like I was gonna die just by looking at them. That’s why I wanted to run away from them as soon as I could.”
“What the… You said you’ve never liked anyone?”
Jaekyung furrowed his brow. He seemed anxious, as if thinking, ‘Hyung, did you have a past with someone that you’ve never told me about?’
“Yeah, I’m not talking about people.”
“Then?”
Jiheon finished his beer and crumpled the empty can.
“Swimming.”
Jaekyung’s hand, which was picking out pistachios, froze. Jiheon acted like he didn’t notice and grabbed a fresh beer.
“You started swimming when you were eleven, right? I’ve been doing it since I was seven. Like you, I was called a prodigy when I was in elementary school, and I made it to the national team in middle school. I was probably the best swimmer in this country until you showed up.”
As soon as he popped the can open, he took a quick sip. The carbonation of the beer hitting his throat felt particularly strong, almost stinging.
“When people said I’m good at it, it motivated me to do even better… so I worked really hard. I’d get up early in the morning, warm up for an hour or two before heading to school, and after my morning classes, I’d return in the afternoon for strength training. I didn’t even realize it was hard, because swimming is so much fun and I loved every moment of it. I thought I would do it for as long as I could, retire as late as possible, and even continue as an instructor, coach, or just keep swimming anyway.”
As he reminisced about his younger self and that innocent dream, Jiheon couldn’t help but burst into laughter. But it was the truth. He genuinely loved swimming and enjoyed being in the water every day. Even when he went home in tears due to the coach’s harsh scolding and grueling training, he couldn’t wait to dive back into the pool the next morning.
“But after winning a medal at the World Championships, I was rather discouraged. I couldn’t help but feel like it was the end of it all.”
Jiheon admitted, deliberately avoiding Jaekyung’s gaze and focusing on the mouth of the can he held.
“My lap time back then was more than 2 seconds, almost 3 seconds faster than my usual record. That was when a once-in-a-lifetime miracle as an athlete came to me. Because my condition was good and my luck was even better. Two swimmers who were expected to make it to the finals were disqualified in the semis.”
Jiheon chuckled, tapping his fingertips on the can.
“People say that records are made by humans and medals are given by God. Well, they’re right. I won a medal not because I was good at it, but because I had good luck. It was so frustrating because I thought there would never be any more chance than this. People were already talking about the Olympics, but I knew it was impossible.”
Normally, winning a medal at the Asian Games would’ve been seen as a great accomplishment, but after winning at the World Championships, it felt like the Asian Games should’ve been a given.
The pressure was even greater than before, and Jiheon had also realized his limitations as an athlete through that competition. He no longer had the confidence to continue. People would only remember the World Championship, and it was scary to think that he would have to continue showing something worse than that.
In the past, even if his record was a little poor, he’d be motivated to improve it. But now, regardless of how good his record was, he’d always compare it to the World Championships, feeling anxious and impatient, thinking, “This is not enough. It needs to be shortened even further.”
As a result, he no longer enjoyed swimming and felt like he was going insane in the water. He blamed his body for not being able to keep up with his greed, and he even regretted participating in the World Championship. In the end, he found himself in tears, questioning why he’d started swimming in the first place.
“Once I lost my heart like that, it was tough to get it back together. Meanwhile, I strained my shoulder joint because I overexerted myself, and the new elementary school student was a true prodigy who couldn’t even be compared to me. Especially when people said he was an Alpha. When I thought about how the durability of his body was different from mine, I felt envious and jealous. Oh, but that’s not the reason for me to quit.”
Jiheon explained quickly, afraid that Jaekyung might get the wrong idea. Sure enough, Jaekyung’s expression had already stiffened.
“Actually, it was you who kept me going for a few more months. I was happy when you told me my strokes were cool.”
Fortunately, Jaekyung’s expression softened a bit. Yet, he remained serious, and that expression had been there since Jiheon began talking about swimming.
Jiheon continued to talk regardless.
“But back then, my mind was already in turmoil, and I wanted to quit quickly. But when I tried to quit, I was scared and didn’t have the courage. That’s why I dragged on for half a year.”
Perhaps because he talked a lot, he felt thirsty. He gulped down more than half of his beer in one go, as if he were drained. Setting down the nearly empty can, he felt a slight dizziness.
‘It’s not the right time to get drunk. There’s no way I could get drunk just from this.’
Jiheon continued to speak even though he thought it was an illusion.
“When I made the decision to quit swimming, the most common thing I heard was that I wasn’t being responsible. They’d say, ‘You’re the best in our country. How can a national team member like you give up so easily?’”
— You’re not dealing with any irreparable injuries, so does it make sense to quit just because you can’t do it anymore? The federation’s support depends on your performance, so you have to tough it out for your fellow swimmers! Do you think they keep going because they like it either?!
Everyone went on like that. Jiheon listened to them wholeheartedly because of the people who had helped him and his parents who had worked hard for him.
— What are you gonna do with such grit? If you’re like this, you won’t be able to do anything even after you quit swimming. If you do something and it gets difficult again, you’ll just quickly run away for sure….
They hurled words that went beyond verbal abuse and almost felt like curses.
In particular, the federation was almost in a frenzy because they had hoped to sell Jiheon’s name for various projects and secure subsidies, so they went bat-shit crazy.
They told Jiheon that he got all cocky after being praised a little, and they slapped him, telling him to fix his rotten attitude first. On the contrary, they hugged and patted him on the back, comforting him by saying, “Let’s try one more time, okay? You’re always good at this.”
“Those crazy bastards.”
Jaekyung interjected for the first time.
“Those fucking federation old geezers. I should’ve just set their building on fire.”
He wasn’t even visibly angry when he muttered softly, but it made his anger even more noticeable.
“Well, the federation is pretty much gone now. Most of them are probably jobless at this point. It’s almost as if you’ve already had your revenge, so don’t be too upset.”
Jiheon said jokingly.
“And getting slapped back then wasn’t a big deal. Honestly, among the athletes in this country, is there anyone who trained without getting a few slaps and being cursed at? A couple of slaps on the face are nothing.”
In fact, the words he had heard during that time lingered in his heart like a scar for much longer than the sharp slap on his face.
“But that was probably… something I’ve already thought about before those people told me. That’s why I couldn’t shake it off.”
