“Lord Proudglade!” the golden knight with the pike demanded. “Why does that wretch worry your ears?” His pike moved in a blink to rest against the neck of the lizardman.
These knights looked serious about this whole “bloodshed” thing. Drake didn’t have the first clue who the big lizardman was, but he did know the monster was on his side. Given these four knights were armed and on the verge of murdering him, he needed every ally he could get.
It was time to bluff. Westin had already said it was okay. Drake wasn’t about to let some pretentious golden knights get the best of him.
He strode forward and made his voice as imperious as he could manage. “If you harm my lizard, I will harm Westin! Remove that pike from his neck!”
The man with the pike pulled his weapon away from the lizardman. “State your terms!”
Should he have terms? Drake glanced at Westin, then back to the four warriors standing at the edge of his garden holding his lizardman. Westin had said he needed to negotiate.
“Leave my manor and its grounds without further battle! Do not harm my subjects! Do not harm me! Leave in peace and go home!”
“Unacceptable!” the man shouted back. “You have our lord’s son!”
“And I’m sending Lord Proudglade back with you, but only if you agree to my terms! I release him! You release my servants, leave my manor, and go home! That’s the deal!”
The leader in his golden armor shifted his stance. “You would release Lord Proudglade voluntarily?”
“Didn’t I just say that?” Drake only resisted the urge to add “asshat” at the last moment.
“You will also guarantee us safe passage home!” the knight shouted. “You will not abduct Lord Proudglade again, nor will you impede us as we travel back to Proudglade Manor!”
“Fine! I agree! Now give me my lizardman back!”
The man stepped back. “On behalf of Lord Proudglade, I deem these terms acceptable.”
Negotiating an end to hostilities actually hadn’t been that hard after all. Drake glanced at Westin, trying not to look visibly smug. “So... we’re cool now?”
Westin nodded. He did, however, look a little nonplussed.
“Release Lord Proudglade!” the pike knight ordered. “Unless you wish to name a champion!” He pointed his pike at the lizardman again. “We have already bested this one.”
Westin touched Drake’s shoulder. “I owe you a debt, one I hope I can someday repay. I hope we will see each other again soon on friendlier terms. Thank you for everything, Clint.”
Clint? Right. Drake still hadn’t told Westin his real name, and given how important names seemed to be... and the fact that he now knew the obedience fetish he’d seen in the dungeon had worked on Westin... Drake was inclined to keep his name secret a while longer.
Or basically forever.
“Sure,” Drake said gruffly. “Have a safe trip home... Westin. And please, if you would, remind your father that I saved your life. I freed you.”
“I will,” Westin said solemnly. “May the Eidolons look kindly upon you.”
The Eidolons. Right. Whatever those were. “Sure. Same. Bye.”
Once Westin was visibly on his way to the four golden knights, one of the people carrying a shield and sword stepped out from behind the pike knight. That knight nudged the big lizardman with his shield. “You are free to return to your master, snake.”
When the lizardman rose, the man with the shield and sword visibly took a step back. Drake realized now that the lizardman towered over all four of them by at least half a body. It hadn’t been clear just how big that dude was when he was kneeling to them.
The lizardman extended one big hand. “I’ll have my axe back now.”
“That wasn’t part of our negotiations,” Pike Knight said smugly.
As he realized the big lizard dude might be about to throw down again, Drake stepped forward. “Hey, I gave you Westin! Give him back his axe!”
“We only agreed to release your servant!” Pike Knight shouted smugly. “You never said anything about returning his enchanted axe!” He stared up at the lizardman. “Unless you would like to fight me for it, snake? What does your master say?”
The lizardman loomed over the golden knight, and Drake knew the big guy was on the verge of pummeling this smug asshole with his bare hands. He didn’t need this turning into a brawl. He was so close to resolving this without another murder.
“Stand down!” Drake hoped the lizardman would know that order was intended for him. “And get over here!”
With a visible glower at the four armed knights in golden armor, the giant lizardman turned and trudged, with thundering fury, back into the garden. As he approached, his lidded eyes met Drake’s. Drake involuntarily took a step back.
The giant lizardman looked furious at him, and given he was clad in bloody black armor and didn’t seem bothered by the blood at all, that was bad. Still, this monster couldn’t hurt him. He was still Drake’s subject, right? Drake was still the lord of Gloomwood Manor.
With one more glance at Drake, the four golden knights settled into formation around Westin as all of them trudged off toward... somewhere. Proudglade Manor? Drake literally couldn’t care less at the moment. The important thing was that no one was going to try to murder him, except maybe this big lizardman, and he could handle that right now.
He stepped into the lizardman’s path, and this close, he had to crane his neck to meet his eyes. The guy had to be at least twelve feet tall. A giant. It took real effort to step into his path rather than out of it, but at least the lizardman stopped moving. A good sign.
Drake stared up at him. “You can clearly see I’m not the other guy, right?”
“You are Lord Gloomwood,” the lizardman said... petulantly.
“Right, so I’m still your boss. You’re not going to harm me?”
“I cannot harm Lord Gloomwood,” the big lizardman said derisively. “Were that not the case, you would already be gristle and bone.”
“Great, that’s all I needed to know. Though... wait. What’s your name?”
“I am Cresh.”
“So that’s your actual name? Like, the one your mother gave you?”
“Yes.”
“Great. I’m Clint.” He stared up at the big lizard. “Clint Eastwood.”
The lizardman regarded him for a moment. “Lord Gloomwood, may I speak freely?”
“Sure.” Drake couldn’t see how that would harm anything.
“You appear to be an idiot.”
As Drake stared up at him, he grinned. “Oh, really?” Finally, some real honesty. Westin had seemed honest, but he’d also been too deferential for Drake to feel comfortable. Also, he’d been naked.
“You instructed me to speak freely,” Cresh reminded him.
“I did say that. So tell me, why am I an idiot? Be specific.”
They stood now in the middle of the wide garden with its big hedgerows, beneath a wide blue sky and three lightly glowing moons. This was a fine place to have a conversation with a giant talking lizardman. No place could be better.
When Cresh bared impressive teeth, he was the spitting image of a walking, talking crocodile. “I could have easily defeated all four pathetic human knights. Had you not given the order to surrender, I would have cut them into sobbing meat.”
That seemed plausible. This guy was a monster. Still, Drake had needed those knights to get Westin the fuck out of here, so he saw no reason to regret his orders.
“Moreover,” Cresh continued, “your skill in negotiation is pathetic. You should have demanded their leader take Lord Proudglade’s place as a hostage. I’m certain Lydia could have ferreted all sorts of information out of him in time.”
Drake considered all the insanity he’d just witnessed. “You mean the maid?”
Cresh hissed. “She is your steward. The head of your manor staff. Even if you are eager to dishonor me, show your steward the respect accorded her position. She worked years to obtain her post, and fought to obtain it through honorable combat.”
So the maids just... fought each other in this world? In death battles? Wonderful. One more weird fact to add to the weird fact pile. He’d worry about “battle maids” later.
“So, new question. Does meat actually sob here?”
Cresh blinked his lidded eyes. “That question makes no sense.”
“Doesn’t it? You said you were ready to chop those knights into sobbing meat. I’m new here, and I’m gonna be straight with you, Cresh, your world seems pretty fucked up. So does your meat sob? Nothing would surprise me at this point, really, so be honest.”
The lizardman visibly pondered a moment. “Meat does not sob.”
“So you were just waxing poetic?”
“I do not fully understand your words, but zarovians do not make idle boasts.”
So these big lizardmen called themselves zarovians. Cool. He’d remember that. “Sure, great, and I believe you. It’s just reassuring to know you were speaking figuratively. I love meat, and I’d hate if I had to listen to it sob while I ate it.”
Cresh was starting to look like he wished he was still fighting those knights.
“Lord Proudglade!” the golden knight with the pike demanded. “Why does that wretch worry your ears?” His pike moved in a blink to rest against the neck of the lizardman.
These knights looked serious about this whole “bloodshed” thing. Drake didn’t have the first clue who the big lizardman was, but he did know the monster was on his side. Given these four knights were armed and on the verge of murdering him, he needed every ally he could get.
It was time to bluff. Westin had already said it was okay. Drake wasn’t about to let some pretentious golden knights get the best of him.
He strode forward and made his voice as imperious as he could manage. “If you harm my lizard, I will harm Westin! Remove that pike from his neck!”
The man with the pike pulled his weapon away from the lizardman. “State your terms!”
Should he have terms? Drake glanced at Westin, then back to the four warriors standing at the edge of his garden holding his lizardman. Westin had said he needed to negotiate.
“Leave my manor and its grounds without further battle! Do not harm my subjects! Do not harm me! Leave in peace and go home!”
“Unacceptable!” the man shouted back. “You have our lord’s son!”
“And I’m sending Lord Proudglade back with you, but only if you agree to my terms! I release him! You release my servants, leave my manor, and go home! That’s the deal!”
The leader in his golden armor shifted his stance. “You would release Lord Proudglade voluntarily?”
“Didn’t I just say that?” Drake only resisted the urge to add “asshat” at the last moment.
“You will also guarantee us safe passage home!” the knight shouted. “You will not abduct Lord Proudglade again, nor will you impede us as we travel back to Proudglade Manor!”
“Fine! I agree! Now give me my lizardman back!”
The man stepped back. “On behalf of Lord Proudglade, I deem these terms acceptable.”
Negotiating an end to hostilities actually hadn’t been that hard after all. Drake glanced at Westin, trying not to look visibly smug. “So... we’re cool now?”
Westin nodded. He did, however, look a little nonplussed.
“Release Lord Proudglade!” the pike knight ordered. “Unless you wish to name a champion!” He pointed his pike at the lizardman again. “We have already bested this one.”
Westin touched Drake’s shoulder. “I owe you a debt, one I hope I can someday repay. I hope we will see each other again soon on friendlier terms. Thank you for everything, Clint.”
Clint? Right. Drake still hadn’t told Westin his real name, and given how important names seemed to be... and the fact that he now knew the obedience fetish he’d seen in the dungeon had worked on Westin... Drake was inclined to keep his name secret a while longer.
Or basically forever.
“Sure,” Drake said gruffly. “Have a safe trip home... Westin. And please, if you would, remind your father that I saved your life. I freed you.”
“I will,” Westin said solemnly. “May the Eidolons look kindly upon you.”
The Eidolons. Right. Whatever those were. “Sure. Same. Bye.”
Once Westin was visibly on his way to the four golden knights, one of the people carrying a shield and sword stepped out from behind the pike knight. That knight nudged the big lizardman with his shield. “You are free to return to your master, snake.”
When the lizardman rose, the man with the shield and sword visibly took a step back. Drake realized now that the lizardman towered over all four of them by at least half a body. It hadn’t been clear just how big that dude was when he was kneeling to them.
The lizardman extended one big hand. “I’ll have my axe back now.”
“That wasn’t part of our negotiations,” Pike Knight said smugly.
As he realized the big lizard dude might be about to throw down again, Drake stepped forward. “Hey, I gave you Westin! Give him back his axe!”
“We only agreed to release your servant!” Pike Knight shouted smugly. “You never said anything about returning his enchanted axe!” He stared up at the lizardman. “Unless you would like to fight me for it, snake? What does your master say?”
The lizardman loomed over the golden knight, and Drake knew the big guy was on the verge of pummeling this smug asshole with his bare hands. He didn’t need this turning into a brawl. He was so close to resolving this without another murder.
“Stand down!” Drake hoped the lizardman would know that order was intended for him. “And get over here!”
With a visible glower at the four armed knights in golden armor, the giant lizardman turned and trudged, with thundering fury, back into the garden. As he approached, his lidded eyes met Drake’s. Drake involuntarily took a step back.
The giant lizardman looked furious at him, and given he was clad in bloody black armor and didn’t seem bothered by the blood at all, that was bad. Still, this monster couldn’t hurt him. He was still Drake’s subject, right? Drake was still the lord of Gloomwood Manor.
With one more glance at Drake, the four golden knights settled into formation around Westin as all of them trudged off toward... somewhere. Proudglade Manor? Drake literally couldn’t care less at the moment. The important thing was that no one was going to try to murder him, except maybe this big lizardman, and he could handle that right now.
He stepped into the lizardman’s path, and this close, he had to crane his neck to meet his eyes. The guy had to be at least twelve feet tall. A giant. It took real effort to step into his path rather than out of it, but at least the lizardman stopped moving. A good sign.
Drake stared up at him. “You can clearly see I’m not the other guy, right?”
“You are Lord Gloomwood,” the lizardman said... petulantly.
“Right, so I’m still your boss. You’re not going to harm me?”
“I cannot harm Lord Gloomwood,” the big lizardman said derisively. “Were that not the case, you would already be gristle and bone.”
“Great, that’s all I needed to know. Though... wait. What’s your name?”
“I am Cresh.”
“So that’s your actual name? Like, the one your mother gave you?”
“Yes.”
“Great. I’m Clint.” He stared up at the big lizard. “Clint Eastwood.”
The lizardman regarded him for a moment. “Lord Gloomwood, may I speak freely?”
“Sure.” Drake couldn’t see how that would harm anything.
“You appear to be an idiot.”
As Drake stared up at him, he grinned. “Oh, really?” Finally, some real honesty. Westin had seemed honest, but he’d also been too deferential for Drake to feel comfortable. Also, he’d been naked.
“You instructed me to speak freely,” Cresh reminded him.
“I did say that. So tell me, why am I an idiot? Be specific.”
They stood now in the middle of the wide garden with its big hedgerows, beneath a wide blue sky and three lightly glowing moons. This was a fine place to have a conversation with a giant talking lizardman. No place could be better.
When Cresh bared impressive teeth, he was the spitting image of a walking, talking crocodile. “I could have easily defeated all four pathetic human knights. Had you not given the order to surrender, I would have cut them into sobbing meat.”
That seemed plausible. This guy was a monster. Still, Drake had needed those knights to get Westin the fuck out of here, so he saw no reason to regret his orders.
“Moreover,” Cresh continued, “your skill in negotiation is pathetic. You should have demanded their leader take Lord Proudglade’s place as a hostage. I’m certain Lydia could have ferreted all sorts of information out of him in time.”
Drake considered all the insanity he’d just witnessed. “You mean the maid?”
Cresh hissed. “She is your steward. The head of your manor staff. Even if you are eager to dishonor me, show your steward the respect accorded her position. She worked years to obtain her post, and fought to obtain it through honorable combat.”
So the maids just... fought each other in this world? In death battles? Wonderful. One more weird fact to add to the weird fact pile. He’d worry about “battle maids” later.
“So, new question. Does meat actually sob here?”
Cresh blinked his lidded eyes. “That question makes no sense.”
“Doesn’t it? You said you were ready to chop those knights into sobbing meat. I’m new here, and I’m gonna be straight with you, Cresh, your world seems pretty fucked up. So does your meat sob? Nothing would surprise me at this point, really, so be honest.”
The lizardman visibly pondered a moment. “Meat does not sob.”
“So you were just waxing poetic?”
“I do not fully understand your words, but zarovians do not make idle boasts.”
So these big lizardmen called themselves zarovians. Cool. He’d remember that. “Sure, great, and I believe you. It’s just reassuring to know you were speaking figuratively. I love meat, and I’d hate if I had to listen to it sob while I ate it.”
Cresh was starting to look like he wished he was still fighting those knights.
