I am weak.
It isn’t just my strength or the count of my æther veins. It’s my spirit. I refused to toy with the souls of those mercenaries. I didn’t even try to make a minion out of the rusted knight, or Rindel.
Could either of them have defeated Rea’s villain?
From the way she described it, I don’t think any of it would have made a difference, but the fact is that I never tried.
I’m running away.
Again.
“You’ve only done what is right,” Vael says, resting a hand on my head as we head back towards the Falchion company headquarters. “It’ll all work out well in the end. I’m cheering for you both, you know.”
“Isn’t there something more you can do, more than just cheering?” I spit, gritting my teeth and shaking the frustration out of my head. “Sorry, I just mean…”
“No, no, I get it,” Vael says, still running her fingers through my hair. “I don’t think there’s much I can do. I’m not all that powerful myself, really, and I’m only meant to be watching. Fate works best without interference.”
“I want to be strong,” I tell her. “Is there any way to get stronger, faster than just what I’m already doing?”
She turns a thoughtful look up into the sky, while Lothar places a hand on my shoulder.
“There’s nothing special to it,” he says. “Just keep pushing. Keep training, and don’t slack off. That’s all you can do.”
“That’s not entirely true,” Vael says, her red fluffy tail whipping back and forth excitedly. “How familiar are you with the ways of scholars?”
“Ah, no, don’t drag her down that hole,” Lothar grumbles, pulling me away from her. “If you have time to scratch out numbers, then you can spend that time training.”
“Or you can train more efficiently,” Vael smiles. She shuffles her hand around in her pocket before finding a small notebook. It’s only the size to cover her palm, but she summons a small pencil and starts scrawling.
“Different people grow more efficiently with different training techniques,” she says, glancing up at me. “You’ll need a Skillbook, or actually, if it’s just something to measure the growth of your veins, I’ve got something right here for that. Then, you’ll want to engineer different training techniques. Like for example, burning yourself out quickly and then sleeping it off and doing it again. Or you could try slowly and constantly cooking your magic so that your veins never quite burn out.
“Do each training schedule for a week then count your vein growth. Over time, you can figure out how quickly you can grow, and you can plan around it,” she explains. “You’ll still want to set aside time to meditate and find new ways to use your magic because your grading and abilities are separate from your æther vein count.
“Here,” she hands me the notebook, sliding a page into the back. “The paper can count your æther veins, but it’s simplified. You’ll still need a full skillbook occasionally.”
“Thank you,” I say, taking the notebook from her. “I… is there anything I can do in return?”
Vael’s eyes flash with greed and wanting for a moment, but it’s gone by the time she shakes her head. She licks her lips, slowly.
“There’s no time for it, I’m afraid,” she says. “All I ask is that when we meet again, you’ll remember me fondly, and remember the favour owed. The favour still tying us together.”
She waves her hand to me as she retreats into the crowd, I don’t even have time to come up with another question for her before she’s gone.
“Be careful with her,” Lothar warns me, glaring at where she was. “She’s too well connected with all the wrong sorts of people.”
“I’ll be careful,” I say, looking down at the street beneath me as we walk on.
I know that I chose to leave Rea, and I know that it’s too late to turn back, but I just can’t get her out of my mind. I want to go back and find her, pull her away with me and save her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lothar asks, glancing into my eyes. He’s spent the night in the same shop, looking out for me, and he hasn’t even once brought up my ‘evil’ magic.
“I… She’s being chased by the man in the castle,” I say, glancing up at the tall building in the centre of this city. “He would kill me if he knew that I exist, and she wanted to make sure that he doesn’t find out about me. I had to make her forget that I exist with my magic.”
“Will that be enough?” Lothar asks, checking the shadows around us. “Don’t others know?”
“Maybe?” I shrug. I never really thought too much about it, but I think that Semi is dealing with that if it’s an issue.
“She doesn’t remember me anymore,” I say, kicking at a rock on the street. I’m squeezing Vaels book so tight that I’m almost folding it up on itself.
Lothar pauses in the middle of the street, looking down at me. He rests a hand on my shoulder.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” he asks, smiling down at me. “You’re not going to leave it like this, are you? You’ve fought us all to keep training, all so that you’d be stronger. I’m sure that you’re not leaving things like this are you?”
“No,” I shake my head, wiping at my eyes. “No, I’m going to come back strong enough to kick aside all the people in the way, and I’m going to make her remember me. I just… what if I take too long? What if she’s gone when I finally have the strength to save her?”
“Syr…” Lothar stares up at the sky far above, making a whole bunch of different expressions before continuing. “You aren’t the only person in the world. You aren’t some grand hero in a story, destined to fight the terrible villain. Have you ever considered that you might not need to save her? She’s strong. Incredibly strong. She could save herself.”
He’s not wrong, but I never really thought of it.
My home burned to the ground, and all I could do was run. If I was strong enough, I could have saved everyone, but the same is true for everyone. What if my mother trained harder until she was strong enough to save herself? What about the older elves?
Could Rea save herself?
I don’t know, but she never asked me to save her. She was confident by the end that she’d survive. Maybe… maybe it would be okay to believe in her. To believe in her strength and not just my own.
It doesn’t feel quite right, but I want to believe in her.
“If she doesn’t need me to save her, then I’ll just have less people to kick out of the way,” I reply, feeling like a small weight has left my chest.
It’ll be okay.
It’s all going to be okay.
As long as I’m strong enough when the time comes that I need to face our enemies.
Lothar chuckles at me, and I realize that I’m standing a little straighter than before.
“Alright, you little devil. We’ll get you trained up properly,” he says, his smile twisting a little. “First, we have a stop to make. We’re going to be bringing old family with us out to Snowspring and I’d like to get them used to your face. The trip could get dangerous, and it’s best if they know who they can trust.”
“We’ll be protecting them?” I ask.
“Yeah, but it’s going to be rough,” he says. “We’ll be slower, and a juicier target for the more desperate monsters out there. It’s still safer than leaving them here.”
There are less people on the streets than usual, and most of them are staring at us as they always do. They’re afraid of us but more afraid of the monsters that they can’t see.
The monsters that fill the forests aren’t quite as scary anymore when there are others around that look like your neighbours.
“Villages are going to be overwhelmed by the refugees,” Lothar says. “We’re not going to be as welcome anymore. Not until we get much closer to Snowspring. Hunting will be sparse and the food expensive. It’ll be rough for everyone.”
“We’ll survive,” I shrug off his worries. There’s only so much that we can do about it and the others are already working on it. “Do you think some of the mercenaries in the company can help me learn new magic? I need enchanting, weight, fire, and body strengthening, too.”
“We’ll get something set up,” he says. “You’re not going to study light magic?”
“I have enough to study,” I grumble. “I need to figure out these numbers too.”
He spits to the side but doesn’t say anything more against it.
Lothar’s old home is large on the outside, but much smaller on the inside because of all the small bodies pressed together. None of the kids are quite starved, they have the same look that I recognise from myself after a hard winter stretching my meals. Still hungry after every meal.
“Syr! Lothar!” Ruby shouts, hopping over to us and carefully pushing through the kids. She has the same staff with her that we looted from under the crypts, but she’s wrapped the length of it in leathers to hide its true value. “How good to see you both again!”
“It’s hardly been an hour,” Lothar grumbles, “You didn’t tell me you’d be coming here.”
She pouts, crossing her arms and looking away from him.
“It was meant to be a surprise,” She reaches down for me and messes with my hair. “He wouldn’t even look at me, the whole night. Can you believe it?”
She’s smiling even though Lothar turned her down. I don’t think that she minds that much, she’s not acting like I would if Rea turned me away.
“What’s with that sour face, huh?” Ruby asks. “Last night didn’t go well?”
Lothar pulls us along with him up to the front of the room.
I shake my head at Ruby.
“I need to be stronger if I want to be with Rea,” I say, frowning and looking up at her. “I need to be stronger to protect my family, or I could have a stronger family?”
“That’s a good attitude to have,” Ruby nods, smiling. “This world is a rough place. You need to be able to support your family, but part of that is making sure that your family can take care of themselves too. I don’t think your paramour is really so delicate that she can’t fight off her own villains, I’m sure that you’ll meet her again if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t know if she can beat this enemy, even if she’s strong,” I grumble. From what she’s said his power over her is like my power over my undead friends. Unquestionable. “I could if I was stronger.”
“Then I’m sure she’ll still find a way to buy you time,” Ruby says, nodding down to me. “Do you need anything? Semi would be glad to supply anything you need.”
“I just need to learn new magic, and train,” I say.
“Do you have tutors?” she shakes her head before I can answer. “You won’t have any worthwhile ones. Mercenaries aren’t the sort to raise good teachers, you’ll need some good scholars. I’ll send the message along. They’ll likely be here to help these kids, officially, but they’ll prioritise you. What magic do you need?”
“Fire, weight, body strengthening, and enchanting,” I say, and she nods to each.
“They’ll come along, to set themselves up in Snowspring. Use them to grow stronger, then come back and repay the favour once you’re ready,” she says. “That’s how it is for us. For family.”
“Family… just like a pack,” I say, smiling up at her as she messes with my hair. “We help each other.”
“Exactly,” she nods, smiling happily.
Lothar stops every few steps to talk to another of the kids. They’re all over him, asking him about his adventures. Their eyes shine with excitement, eager to hear everything he has to say.
The way he looks down at them, I can tell that he wants to answer every question, but there’s no chance to. There are too many kids and not nearly enough time. He still gives them everything he can as he weaves a path for us to the front of the group.
“You’ve got a good team,” Ruby says, rubbing my head. “You were lucky that you came across them. I investigated them all, listening for even a whisper of a secret, but nothing. They’re looking out for you. Make sure that you don’t forget it.”
“They’re looking out for me?” I ask, even though it’s a dumb question. I know that they’re looking out for me. They’ve been helping me and protecting me this whole time, but I’ve always been thinking of when that will end. When I’ll have to leave.
“Like a family?” I ask, pressing my lips together and trying to figure out why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.
I am weak.
It isn’t just my strength or the count of my æther veins. It’s my spirit. I refused to toy with the souls of those mercenaries. I didn’t even try to make a minion out of the rusted knight, or Rindel.
Could either of them have defeated Rea’s villain?
From the way she described it, I don’t think any of it would have made a difference, but the fact is that I never tried.
I’m running away.
Again.
“You’ve only done what is right,” Vael says, resting a hand on my head as we head back towards the Falchion company headquarters. “It’ll all work out well in the end. I’m cheering for you both, you know.”
“Isn’t there something more you can do, more than just cheering?” I spit, gritting my teeth and shaking the frustration out of my head. “Sorry, I just mean…”
“No, no, I get it,” Vael says, still running her fingers through my hair. “I don’t think there’s much I can do. I’m not all that powerful myself, really, and I’m only meant to be watching. Fate works best without interference.”
“I want to be strong,” I tell her. “Is there any way to get stronger, faster than just what I’m already doing?”
She turns a thoughtful look up into the sky, while Lothar places a hand on my shoulder.
“There’s nothing special to it,” he says. “Just keep pushing. Keep training, and don’t slack off. That’s all you can do.”
“That’s not entirely true,” Vael says, her red fluffy tail whipping back and forth excitedly. “How familiar are you with the ways of scholars?”
“Ah, no, don’t drag her down that hole,” Lothar grumbles, pulling me away from her. “If you have time to scratch out numbers, then you can spend that time training.”
“Or you can train more efficiently,” Vael smiles. She shuffles her hand around in her pocket before finding a small notebook. It’s only the size to cover her palm, but she summons a small pencil and starts scrawling.
“Different people grow more efficiently with different training techniques,” she says, glancing up at me. “You’ll need a Skillbook, or actually, if it’s just something to measure the growth of your veins, I’ve got something right here for that. Then, you’ll want to engineer different training techniques. Like for example, burning yourself out quickly and then sleeping it off and doing it again. Or you could try slowly and constantly cooking your magic so that your veins never quite burn out.
“Do each training schedule for a week then count your vein growth. Over time, you can figure out how quickly you can grow, and you can plan around it,” she explains. “You’ll still want to set aside time to meditate and find new ways to use your magic because your grading and abilities are separate from your æther vein count.
“Here,” she hands me the notebook, sliding a page into the back. “The paper can count your æther veins, but it’s simplified. You’ll still need a full skillbook occasionally.”
“Thank you,” I say, taking the notebook from her. “I… is there anything I can do in return?”
Vael’s eyes flash with greed and wanting for a moment, but it’s gone by the time she shakes her head. She licks her lips, slowly.
“There’s no time for it, I’m afraid,” she says. “All I ask is that when we meet again, you’ll remember me fondly, and remember the favour owed. The favour still tying us together.”
She waves her hand to me as she retreats into the crowd, I don’t even have time to come up with another question for her before she’s gone.
“Be careful with her,” Lothar warns me, glaring at where she was. “She’s too well connected with all the wrong sorts of people.”
“I’ll be careful,” I say, looking down at the street beneath me as we walk on.
I know that I chose to leave Rea, and I know that it’s too late to turn back, but I just can’t get her out of my mind. I want to go back and find her, pull her away with me and save her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lothar asks, glancing into my eyes. He’s spent the night in the same shop, looking out for me, and he hasn’t even once brought up my ‘evil’ magic.
“I… She’s being chased by the man in the castle,” I say, glancing up at the tall building in the centre of this city. “He would kill me if he knew that I exist, and she wanted to make sure that he doesn’t find out about me. I had to make her forget that I exist with my magic.”
“Will that be enough?” Lothar asks, checking the shadows around us. “Don’t others know?”
“Maybe?” I shrug. I never really thought too much about it, but I think that Semi is dealing with that if it’s an issue.
“She doesn’t remember me anymore,” I say, kicking at a rock on the street. I’m squeezing Vaels book so tight that I’m almost folding it up on itself.
Lothar pauses in the middle of the street, looking down at me. He rests a hand on my shoulder.
“So, what are you going to do about it?” he asks, smiling down at me. “You’re not going to leave it like this, are you? You’ve fought us all to keep training, all so that you’d be stronger. I’m sure that you’re not leaving things like this are you?”
“No,” I shake my head, wiping at my eyes. “No, I’m going to come back strong enough to kick aside all the people in the way, and I’m going to make her remember me. I just… what if I take too long? What if she’s gone when I finally have the strength to save her?”
“Syr…” Lothar stares up at the sky far above, making a whole bunch of different expressions before continuing. “You aren’t the only person in the world. You aren’t some grand hero in a story, destined to fight the terrible villain. Have you ever considered that you might not need to save her? She’s strong. Incredibly strong. She could save herself.”
He’s not wrong, but I never really thought of it.
My home burned to the ground, and all I could do was run. If I was strong enough, I could have saved everyone, but the same is true for everyone. What if my mother trained harder until she was strong enough to save herself? What about the older elves?
Could Rea save herself?
I don’t know, but she never asked me to save her. She was confident by the end that she’d survive. Maybe… maybe it would be okay to believe in her. To believe in her strength and not just my own.
It doesn’t feel quite right, but I want to believe in her.
“If she doesn’t need me to save her, then I’ll just have less people to kick out of the way,” I reply, feeling like a small weight has left my chest.
It’ll be okay.
It’s all going to be okay.
As long as I’m strong enough when the time comes that I need to face our enemies.
Lothar chuckles at me, and I realize that I’m standing a little straighter than before.
“Alright, you little devil. We’ll get you trained up properly,” he says, his smile twisting a little. “First, we have a stop to make. We’re going to be bringing old family with us out to Snowspring and I’d like to get them used to your face. The trip could get dangerous, and it’s best if they know who they can trust.”
“We’ll be protecting them?” I ask.
“Yeah, but it’s going to be rough,” he says. “We’ll be slower, and a juicier target for the more desperate monsters out there. It’s still safer than leaving them here.”
There are less people on the streets than usual, and most of them are staring at us as they always do. They’re afraid of us but more afraid of the monsters that they can’t see.
The monsters that fill the forests aren’t quite as scary anymore when there are others around that look like your neighbours.
“Villages are going to be overwhelmed by the refugees,” Lothar says. “We’re not going to be as welcome anymore. Not until we get much closer to Snowspring. Hunting will be sparse and the food expensive. It’ll be rough for everyone.”
“We’ll survive,” I shrug off his worries. There’s only so much that we can do about it and the others are already working on it. “Do you think some of the mercenaries in the company can help me learn new magic? I need enchanting, weight, fire, and body strengthening, too.”
“We’ll get something set up,” he says. “You’re not going to study light magic?”
“I have enough to study,” I grumble. “I need to figure out these numbers too.”
He spits to the side but doesn’t say anything more against it.
Lothar’s old home is large on the outside, but much smaller on the inside because of all the small bodies pressed together. None of the kids are quite starved, they have the same look that I recognise from myself after a hard winter stretching my meals. Still hungry after every meal.
“Syr! Lothar!” Ruby shouts, hopping over to us and carefully pushing through the kids. She has the same staff with her that we looted from under the crypts, but she’s wrapped the length of it in leathers to hide its true value. “How good to see you both again!”
“It’s hardly been an hour,” Lothar grumbles, “You didn’t tell me you’d be coming here.”
She pouts, crossing her arms and looking away from him.
“It was meant to be a surprise,” She reaches down for me and messes with my hair. “He wouldn’t even look at me, the whole night. Can you believe it?”
She’s smiling even though Lothar turned her down. I don’t think that she minds that much, she’s not acting like I would if Rea turned me away.
“What’s with that sour face, huh?” Ruby asks. “Last night didn’t go well?”
Lothar pulls us along with him up to the front of the room.
I shake my head at Ruby.
“I need to be stronger if I want to be with Rea,” I say, frowning and looking up at her. “I need to be stronger to protect my family, or I could have a stronger family?”
“That’s a good attitude to have,” Ruby nods, smiling. “This world is a rough place. You need to be able to support your family, but part of that is making sure that your family can take care of themselves too. I don’t think your paramour is really so delicate that she can’t fight off her own villains, I’m sure that you’ll meet her again if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t know if she can beat this enemy, even if she’s strong,” I grumble. From what she’s said his power over her is like my power over my undead friends. Unquestionable. “I could if I was stronger.”
“Then I’m sure she’ll still find a way to buy you time,” Ruby says, nodding down to me. “Do you need anything? Semi would be glad to supply anything you need.”
“I just need to learn new magic, and train,” I say.
“Do you have tutors?” she shakes her head before I can answer. “You won’t have any worthwhile ones. Mercenaries aren’t the sort to raise good teachers, you’ll need some good scholars. I’ll send the message along. They’ll likely be here to help these kids, officially, but they’ll prioritise you. What magic do you need?”
“Fire, weight, body strengthening, and enchanting,” I say, and she nods to each.
“They’ll come along, to set themselves up in Snowspring. Use them to grow stronger, then come back and repay the favour once you’re ready,” she says. “That’s how it is for us. For family.”
“Family… just like a pack,” I say, smiling up at her as she messes with my hair. “We help each other.”
“Exactly,” she nods, smiling happily.
Lothar stops every few steps to talk to another of the kids. They’re all over him, asking him about his adventures. Their eyes shine with excitement, eager to hear everything he has to say.
The way he looks down at them, I can tell that he wants to answer every question, but there’s no chance to. There are too many kids and not nearly enough time. He still gives them everything he can as he weaves a path for us to the front of the group.
“You’ve got a good team,” Ruby says, rubbing my head. “You were lucky that you came across them. I investigated them all, listening for even a whisper of a secret, but nothing. They’re looking out for you. Make sure that you don’t forget it.”
“They’re looking out for me?” I ask, even though it’s a dumb question. I know that they’re looking out for me. They’ve been helping me and protecting me this whole time, but I’ve always been thinking of when that will end. When I’ll have to leave.
“Like a family?” I ask, pressing my lips together and trying to figure out why it makes me feel so uncomfortable.
