I struggled to hide my weariness and spoke with great effort. Then, I plopped down haphazardly on the back of the flowing creek.
“I’ll help you up.”
Without even glancing at Kamian, I nervously pushed his leg away with my hand.
“Don’t bother. Just go.”
However, Kamian sat down beside her instead. As expected. I sighed deeply and buried my face between my legs.
I wanted to ask Kamian. Did you intend to kill Leo? But I was afraid to ask, afraid of hearing an affirmative answer from his lips.
Something warm covered my back. The scent that had been making my heart pound incessantly suddenly infiltrated my nostrils. Kamian had taken off his coat and draped it over me.
“Do you want to go to the water?”
The sound of the flowing creek drowned out his voice.
“…I don’t know.”
“Sounds like you might want to go.”
“……”
“Leave me behind.”
“I never had you in the first place.”
“You said you’d use me as a tool. Now you don’t even need that?”
When I didn’t respond, the soft sound of gurgling flowed through the darkness once again. Kamian remained silent for a while. But I could feel his gaze upon me.
“Don’t go.”
After a silence, he spoke.
I clutched my knees tighter.
“Who do you think you are, telling me not to go?”
“Don’t go.”
The repetition of Kamian’s words, like an order, stirred up anger within me. Who do you think wants to leave? I don’t want to go either. But because you keep telling me not to go, it feels like I should go.
“Please, just stop talking. I want to rest quietly for now.”
In my exhausted state, Kamian’s voice affected my nerves more than usual. But despite my outburst, Kamian didn’t leave me alone.
“If you want me to stop talking, then answer that you won’t go.”
Kamian’s voice suddenly grew fierce, resonating with an air of restlessness, akin to someone who had lost their way.
I mustered all my patience, reining in the surging emotions.
“I’m exhausted today. Let’s talk another time,” I replied, attempting to dismiss his words with weariness. However, the more I tried, the more Kamian revealed his impatience and insisted on a response.
“I need to hear it now.”
Silence hung in the air.
“Reeve!”
His low shout caused the pent-up frustration to finally burst forth. I raised my head, glaring at Kamian, and let out a roar of frustration.
“Why should I stay if you tell me not to? Who do you think you are to command me?”
The dam holding back my restraint crumbled as I poured out my suppressed feelings incoherently. Yet, the flood of thoughts that had crowded my mind, causing a throbbing headache, evaporated in an instant. I felt my once heavily furrowed face transforming into one of astonishment.
“I don’t know.”
Kamian despondently touched his forehead. His pupils, fixed on me, swirled with dizziness.
“I don’t know how I can stay by your side… I truly don’t know anymore.”
Intense emotions swirled within his usually impassive gaze. Kamian distorted his face in despair, beseeching me with teary eyes.
“Just… can’t you spare a moment to look at me?”
Drip. Tears streamed incessantly down his cheek, never ceasing. The melancholic sound of his weeping echoed deeply through the stillness of the night.
“No matter what I try, you never give me a chance.”
He wailed as if confronted by something dreadful. Kamian’s breath became increasingly erratic, intermingled with tears, and although he tried to force it down, his throat quivered uncontrollably, unable to stifle the resurfacing emotions.
The walls he had so securely built to conceal his emotions crumbled irreparably. Kamian clung to me, his voice choked with sobs.
“Whether it’s a s*x toy or anything else… just… just stay by my side.”
It felt as if my heart were being sliced by a knife. His sobbing heated my own eyes, and without realizing it, I reached out and rested his head against my shoulder. Kamian grabbed my forearm tightly, pouring out his tears even more fervently. His unstable gasps grew more jagged.
“I love you, Reeve.”
Silence hung in the air.
“Far more than what you… could ever imagine.”
“Kamian confessed to me. With a dishevelled voice and tears, he gently laid his words upon me.”
I had vowed to myself countless times that if Kamian ever confessed to me, I would reject him without hesitation. Yet, at this moment, I found myself utterly speechless. All I could do was lend my shoulder to Kamian and feel my heart race with every word of his pouring confession.
* * *
I gently slid my hand into Kamian’s soft hair, caressing it as one would stroke the fur of a puppy. Sensing his trembling gradually subsiding, I lifted my gaze toward the sky. Amongst the dimly lit night sky adorned with twinkling stars, a meteor shower raced by.
In that fleeting moment, unknowingly, I made a wish. O celestial beings, if you are listening, please calm his cries. Such sorrowful whimpering… If anyone were to witness, they might think I had struck him. The sight of me, a man of sturdy build capable of subduing even a bull, embracing him with my shoulder, was far from pleasant.
Exhaling softly, I leaned my cheek against his round head. Suddenly, his weeping ceased entirely. Nevertheless, Kamian continued to bow his head, clinging to my embrace.
“Have you finished crying?”
“…”
“You’re quite a rascal.”
I gently nudged his shoulder, causing his upper body to slump, and cupped his moist cheeks in my hands. Placing Kamian’s face directly in front of mine, his reddened irises could not meet my gaze. Instead, they moved sluggishly downward and sideways.
Tears clung to his long eyelashes, and his eye corners were moistened. Even in the darkness, the reddened area around his eyes was visible, indicating that come tomorrow morning, his eyelids would likely be swollen.
“If you’re going to the restroom, let me accompany you.”
Kamian, desperately stifling his sobs, took a deep breath.
“…I’m not going.”
I struggled to hide my weariness and spoke with great effort. Then, I plopped down haphazardly on the back of the flowing creek.
“I’ll help you up.”
Without even glancing at Kamian, I nervously pushed his leg away with my hand.
“Don’t bother. Just go.”
However, Kamian sat down beside her instead. As expected. I sighed deeply and buried my face between my legs.
I wanted to ask Kamian. Did you intend to kill Leo? But I was afraid to ask, afraid of hearing an affirmative answer from his lips.
Something warm covered my back. The scent that had been making my heart pound incessantly suddenly infiltrated my nostrils. Kamian had taken off his coat and draped it over me.
“Do you want to go to the water?”
The sound of the flowing creek drowned out his voice.
“…I don’t know.”
“Sounds like you might want to go.”
“……”
“Leave me behind.”
“I never had you in the first place.”
“You said you’d use me as a tool. Now you don’t even need that?”
When I didn’t respond, the soft sound of gurgling flowed through the darkness once again. Kamian remained silent for a while. But I could feel his gaze upon me.
“Don’t go.”
After a silence, he spoke.
I clutched my knees tighter.
“Who do you think you are, telling me not to go?”
“Don’t go.”
The repetition of Kamian’s words, like an order, stirred up anger within me. Who do you think wants to leave? I don’t want to go either. But because you keep telling me not to go, it feels like I should go.
“Please, just stop talking. I want to rest quietly for now.”
In my exhausted state, Kamian’s voice affected my nerves more than usual. But despite my outburst, Kamian didn’t leave me alone.
“If you want me to stop talking, then answer that you won’t go.”
Kamian’s voice suddenly grew fierce, resonating with an air of restlessness, akin to someone who had lost their way.
I mustered all my patience, reining in the surging emotions.
“I’m exhausted today. Let’s talk another time,” I replied, attempting to dismiss his words with weariness. However, the more I tried, the more Kamian revealed his impatience and insisted on a response.
“I need to hear it now.”
Silence hung in the air.
“Reeve!”
His low shout caused the pent-up frustration to finally burst forth. I raised my head, glaring at Kamian, and let out a roar of frustration.
“Why should I stay if you tell me not to? Who do you think you are to command me?”
The dam holding back my restraint crumbled as I poured out my suppressed feelings incoherently. Yet, the flood of thoughts that had crowded my mind, causing a throbbing headache, evaporated in an instant. I felt my once heavily furrowed face transforming into one of astonishment.
“I don’t know.”
Kamian despondently touched his forehead. His pupils, fixed on me, swirled with dizziness.
“I don’t know how I can stay by your side… I truly don’t know anymore.”
Intense emotions swirled within his usually impassive gaze. Kamian distorted his face in despair, beseeching me with teary eyes.
“Just… can’t you spare a moment to look at me?”
Drip. Tears streamed incessantly down his cheek, never ceasing. The melancholic sound of his weeping echoed deeply through the stillness of the night.
“No matter what I try, you never give me a chance.”
He wailed as if confronted by something dreadful. Kamian’s breath became increasingly erratic, intermingled with tears, and although he tried to force it down, his throat quivered uncontrollably, unable to stifle the resurfacing emotions.
The walls he had so securely built to conceal his emotions crumbled irreparably. Kamian clung to me, his voice choked with sobs.
“Whether it’s a s*x toy or anything else… just… just stay by my side.”
It felt as if my heart were being sliced by a knife. His sobbing heated my own eyes, and without realizing it, I reached out and rested his head against my shoulder. Kamian grabbed my forearm tightly, pouring out his tears even more fervently. His unstable gasps grew more jagged.
“I love you, Reeve.”
Silence hung in the air.
“Far more than what you… could ever imagine.”
“Kamian confessed to me. With a dishevelled voice and tears, he gently laid his words upon me.”
I had vowed to myself countless times that if Kamian ever confessed to me, I would reject him without hesitation. Yet, at this moment, I found myself utterly speechless. All I could do was lend my shoulder to Kamian and feel my heart race with every word of his pouring confession.
* * *
I gently slid my hand into Kamian’s soft hair, caressing it as one would stroke the fur of a puppy. Sensing his trembling gradually subsiding, I lifted my gaze toward the sky. Amongst the dimly lit night sky adorned with twinkling stars, a meteor shower raced by.
In that fleeting moment, unknowingly, I made a wish. O celestial beings, if you are listening, please calm his cries. Such sorrowful whimpering… If anyone were to witness, they might think I had struck him. The sight of me, a man of sturdy build capable of subduing even a bull, embracing him with my shoulder, was far from pleasant.
Exhaling softly, I leaned my cheek against his round head. Suddenly, his weeping ceased entirely. Nevertheless, Kamian continued to bow his head, clinging to my embrace.
“Have you finished crying?”
“…”
“You’re quite a rascal.”
I gently nudged his shoulder, causing his upper body to slump, and cupped his moist cheeks in my hands. Placing Kamian’s face directly in front of mine, his reddened irises could not meet my gaze. Instead, they moved sluggishly downward and sideways.
Tears clung to his long eyelashes, and his eye corners were moistened. Even in the darkness, the reddened area around his eyes was visible, indicating that come tomorrow morning, his eyelids would likely be swollen.
“If you’re going to the restroom, let me accompany you.”
Kamian, desperately stifling his sobs, took a deep breath.
“…I’m not going.”
