“I was sorry,” Kamian interrupted, just as he was about to say it. The fleeting moment shattered the feeble grip he had on the courage to speak.
The carefully crafted words of apology, albeit brief, evaporated from his mind. What should he say? His head was spinning.
“Um… y-yes, I mistook your thing there for a bear figurine, and I apologize.”
“…”
There was no response from Kamian. Whether it was okay or whether he would curse, anything would have been better than his mouth remaining shut. The unbearable discomfort tightened the nerves.
“…That’s why you were born with such a thing.”
Kamian, walking with a steady pace, suddenly stumbled. As his body leaned forward, instinctively I wrapped my arm tightly around his neck. After quickly regaining his balance, Kamian let out an annoyed sigh and resumed walking.
“Oh, it’s not your fault. If it sounded unpleasant, I apologize for that too.”
“…”
“I’ve been brainwashed since I was young that it’s a **** pepper, so naturally, I thought there would be a pepper in your pants, but I never thought there would be a bear figurine…”
“What?”
“So, what I mean is, your possession is blessed among the pepper fields. It’s top-notch.”
Kamian finally stopped in his tracks. I felt his back swell as he took a deep breath. Even though my apology had gone wrong, I realized that it had been wrong for quite some time and buried my face in his shoulder.
Then, I whispered words of comfort.
“…With someone like you, you can be loved by a woman. I guarantee it.”
He spoke with a sinking voice, as he had quietly listened all along.
“Do you want me to get off?”
We were right in front of the house. It wasn’t a distance we couldn’t walk, but I didn’t want to get off.
“No.”
“Then, just keep your mouth shut.”
…Arrogant brat. How dare anyone tell someone else to keep their mouth shut? However, I, who had committed a wrongdoing, obediently kept my mouth shut until we arrived home.
* * *
As expected, the apology yielded only unintended consequences.
A crisp, refreshing breeze blew through the Kamian, yet it remained dutifully attentive to my well-being. However, all traces of our customary banter had vanished without a trace, along with the vibrant expressions that used to emerge whenever I teased. Kamian’s lips were firmly sealed, dedicated to supporting my exercise routine and attending to our meals with a meticulous, businesslike manner.
The daily barrage of reprimands, once reaching a hundred a day, had now dwindled to a mere handful. The reduction was not due to Kamian giving up on scolding me in anger but rather a change in my own attitude.
Having committed the wretched sin of harassment, I found myself prostrating before Kamian, pleading for forgiveness. Repeating the behaviours he had previously pointed out only served to ignite his anger. Merely refraining from noisily devouring my meals or pushing myself to exhaustion during exercise resulted in a significant decrease in reprimands.
The problem, however, lay in the complete absence of conversation. I would have preferred even a scolding, as it would naturally lead to a few more words being exchanged between us. The unyielding silence from that obstinate mouth felt bitterly resentful. Uncomfortable, disheartened, and remorseful… The rough surface of these emotions painfully tumbled within my chest.
“When will you return?”
Having observed him closely all the while, I mustered the courage to speak a single sentence.
Kamian, who had been shuttling back and forth due to the harvest, immediately grabbed his coat once dinner was over.
I pulled both of my knees close to my chest as I sat on the sofa, resting my chin on them. Kamian glanced at me with a mischievous smile and extended his long legs, swiftly approaching. His large hand lightly pressed against my cheek before touching my forehead.
“You have a fever.”
“Really? I feel fine, though.”
My defective body experienced unpredictable surges and drops in body temperature.
For a while, it had remained quiet, but it seemed it was starting again. Still, I preferred having a fever over experiencing a decrease in body temperature. When my body temperature dropped, my hands and feet naturally became as cold as ice, and even my veins seemed frozen, hindering the flow of blood. Despite lying in front of the fireplace, bundled up in multiple layers of clothing, the chilling cold pierced through my flesh and constricted my breathing. Helpless, trembling uncontrollably, I had no choice but to endure those dreadful moments.
Enduring the agony, where the high fever seemed to melt away every organ, was relatively better since I could faint at any moment.
Kamian’s hand withdrew from my forehead, and I gently placed the back of my hand against it. It seemed slightly warm.
Kamian returned with a glass bottle containing a red liquid and a spoon after setting aside his overcoat. It was a fever-reducing concoction made from steeping medicinal flowers. One should not imagine the sweet taste we experienced in Korea. When I first tasted it, the nauseating flavour and aroma of the pungent herbs made me spit it out immediately.
As I gazed at the shimmering red liquid on the spoon, an involuntary frown crossed my face.
“Ah.”
Kamian opened his mouth obediently. As the medicine entered his mouth, he held his nose and gulped it down. Breathing through his nose was prohibited for a while.
After emptying the water handed to him by Kamian , he put a candy in his mouth and finally exhaled the withheld breath.
“Let’s sleep early before the fever rises further.”
“When will you come?”
“After you fall asleep.”
“And when will I fall asleep?”
“It feels like it hasn’t even been a minute since I told you to sleep early.”
“Don’t command me…”
She was about to speak sharply as usual, but then pursed her lips. She couldn’t afford to be in such a position because she hadn’t properly apologized. Biting the flesh inside her lips, she opened her mouth again. And timidly retorted.
“I can’t sleep. I don’t feel like sleeping early.”
“I was sorry,” Kamian interrupted, just as he was about to say it. The fleeting moment shattered the feeble grip he had on the courage to speak.
The carefully crafted words of apology, albeit brief, evaporated from his mind. What should he say? His head was spinning.
“Um… y-yes, I mistook your thing there for a bear figurine, and I apologize.”
“…”
There was no response from Kamian. Whether it was okay or whether he would curse, anything would have been better than his mouth remaining shut. The unbearable discomfort tightened the nerves.
“…That’s why you were born with such a thing.”
Kamian, walking with a steady pace, suddenly stumbled. As his body leaned forward, instinctively I wrapped my arm tightly around his neck. After quickly regaining his balance, Kamian let out an annoyed sigh and resumed walking.
“Oh, it’s not your fault. If it sounded unpleasant, I apologize for that too.”
“…”
“I’ve been brainwashed since I was young that it’s a **** pepper, so naturally, I thought there would be a pepper in your pants, but I never thought there would be a bear figurine…”
“What?”
“So, what I mean is, your possession is blessed among the pepper fields. It’s top-notch.”
Kamian finally stopped in his tracks. I felt his back swell as he took a deep breath. Even though my apology had gone wrong, I realized that it had been wrong for quite some time and buried my face in his shoulder.
Then, I whispered words of comfort.
“…With someone like you, you can be loved by a woman. I guarantee it.”
He spoke with a sinking voice, as he had quietly listened all along.
“Do you want me to get off?”
We were right in front of the house. It wasn’t a distance we couldn’t walk, but I didn’t want to get off.
“No.”
“Then, just keep your mouth shut.”
…Arrogant brat. How dare anyone tell someone else to keep their mouth shut? However, I, who had committed a wrongdoing, obediently kept my mouth shut until we arrived home.
* * *
As expected, the apology yielded only unintended consequences.
A crisp, refreshing breeze blew through the Kamian, yet it remained dutifully attentive to my well-being. However, all traces of our customary banter had vanished without a trace, along with the vibrant expressions that used to emerge whenever I teased. Kamian’s lips were firmly sealed, dedicated to supporting my exercise routine and attending to our meals with a meticulous, businesslike manner.
The daily barrage of reprimands, once reaching a hundred a day, had now dwindled to a mere handful. The reduction was not due to Kamian giving up on scolding me in anger but rather a change in my own attitude.
Having committed the wretched sin of harassment, I found myself prostrating before Kamian, pleading for forgiveness. Repeating the behaviours he had previously pointed out only served to ignite his anger. Merely refraining from noisily devouring my meals or pushing myself to exhaustion during exercise resulted in a significant decrease in reprimands.
The problem, however, lay in the complete absence of conversation. I would have preferred even a scolding, as it would naturally lead to a few more words being exchanged between us. The unyielding silence from that obstinate mouth felt bitterly resentful. Uncomfortable, disheartened, and remorseful… The rough surface of these emotions painfully tumbled within my chest.
“When will you return?”
Having observed him closely all the while, I mustered the courage to speak a single sentence.
Kamian, who had been shuttling back and forth due to the harvest, immediately grabbed his coat once dinner was over.
I pulled both of my knees close to my chest as I sat on the sofa, resting my chin on them. Kamian glanced at me with a mischievous smile and extended his long legs, swiftly approaching. His large hand lightly pressed against my cheek before touching my forehead.
“You have a fever.”
“Really? I feel fine, though.”
My defective body experienced unpredictable surges and drops in body temperature.
For a while, it had remained quiet, but it seemed it was starting again. Still, I preferred having a fever over experiencing a decrease in body temperature. When my body temperature dropped, my hands and feet naturally became as cold as ice, and even my veins seemed frozen, hindering the flow of blood. Despite lying in front of the fireplace, bundled up in multiple layers of clothing, the chilling cold pierced through my flesh and constricted my breathing. Helpless, trembling uncontrollably, I had no choice but to endure those dreadful moments.
Enduring the agony, where the high fever seemed to melt away every organ, was relatively better since I could faint at any moment.
Kamian’s hand withdrew from my forehead, and I gently placed the back of my hand against it. It seemed slightly warm.
Kamian returned with a glass bottle containing a red liquid and a spoon after setting aside his overcoat. It was a fever-reducing concoction made from steeping medicinal flowers. One should not imagine the sweet taste we experienced in Korea. When I first tasted it, the nauseating flavour and aroma of the pungent herbs made me spit it out immediately.
As I gazed at the shimmering red liquid on the spoon, an involuntary frown crossed my face.
“Ah.”
Kamian opened his mouth obediently. As the medicine entered his mouth, he held his nose and gulped it down. Breathing through his nose was prohibited for a while.
After emptying the water handed to him by Kamian , he put a candy in his mouth and finally exhaled the withheld breath.
“Let’s sleep early before the fever rises further.”
“When will you come?”
“After you fall asleep.”
“And when will I fall asleep?”
“It feels like it hasn’t even been a minute since I told you to sleep early.”
“Don’t command me…”
She was about to speak sharply as usual, but then pursed her lips. She couldn’t afford to be in such a position because she hadn’t properly apologized. Biting the flesh inside her lips, she opened her mouth again. And timidly retorted.
“I can’t sleep. I don’t feel like sleeping early.”
