I approached him slowly and stood before him. Due to the height difference, I had to strain my neck to the point of discomfort just to meet his gaze. Kamian bent his waist and knees, adjusting his height to match my line of sight.
His deep red irises possessed a beautiful glimmer on the smoothly polished surface, yet they were also dark enough to conceal their depth. If I were to reach out my hand, captivated by their beauty, I would endlessly plummet and never reach an end. It felt as though I stood at the edge of a precipice, merely balancing on tiptoes. A single moment of distraction could lead to a relentless fall.
I firmly locked away my emotions and passed by Kamian without a glance. From behind, a sigh filled with complexity reached my ears, but I did not turn around.
“Your complexion hasn’t returned. If you suddenly collapse, do you know where your head might hit? If you want to witness my madness, continue behaving like this.”
I abruptly halted my steps in front of the bathroom. Due to Kamian extending his arm from behind to grasp the doorknob, he seemed trapped within his own posture.
“Listen.”
“I can wash up on my own.”
“Liv…”
“Instead, I’ll leave the door open.”
I clasped Kamian’s hand in mine and pulled the door closed. I barely left it ajar, just enough for one person to barely be seen, before speaking again.
“Just this much.”
“…”
“If I stumble, you can immediately catch me in your arms. Promise me without vomiting excuses.”
“…”
“Kamian.”
“Go inside.”
Our untimely quarrel concluded with each of us conceding a step.
Although I experienced a momentary dizziness during the bath, I did not lose consciousness or collapse. As I took a slight step backward, Kamian rushed over and enveloped my body in his embrace. When his warm and sturdy arms touched my bare skin, my heart beat slightly faster than usual, just a little, ever so slightly.
Unable to bring myself to meet his gaze, I only extended my hand and pushed Kamian away. Since our encounter, I had been excessively aware of him.
Fortunately, thanks to quickly finishing our bath, no misfortune occurred.
* * *
Between him and me, there arose an unforeseen matter of carnal nature, yet it did not become a turning point in our relationship.
After the minor dispute had been resolved, we remained as both family and close friends, indulging in playful banter and spending time together.
However, the act of intimacy was not a mere passing breeze. At least, not to me.
I came to realize that Kamian’s love was weightier and deeper than I had anticipated, and I also understood that such a lukewarm attitude as we had at present would never lead to a satisfactory conclusion.
I resolved to push him to his limits. It was not a matter of superficially uttering the words, “We are close friends.” No, I aimed to uproot the very core of his feelings.
Until now, I had been contemplating ways to maintain a good friendship with Kamian while rejecting his affections. Only now did I realize how self-centered and akin to pouring water into a leaky vessel my intentions had been.
To avoid his scorn and solely seek the cooling of Kamian’s love? It was a futile endeavor.
A significant event had to be created to shatter the enduring love we had nurtured. To achieve greater gains, the corresponding risks naturally increased. I had to become the adversary who could no longer remain by Kamian’s side as a friend, enduring his torrential outpouring of invectives.
How could I accomplish this?
As he suggested, by openly treating Kamian as a mere tool. Although the vivid image of him engaging in self-gratification or brushing his hair had become a piercing thorn that mercilessly jabbed at my vulnerability, I had to endure it.
Let cruelty prevail. Let malice reign. Fortunately, within the depths of my mind, an abundance of prototypes of malevolent characters had been stored. Stories I had heard, seen, and grown up with through movies, dramas, novels, and comics. I could become the mouse tormenting the bean, or perhaps the stepmother of Cinderella. I must forcefully etch into my bones the threshold where sympathy is forsaken and wield the rice paddle stained with remnants of rice to strike Kamian’s cheek.
However, my formidable plan took an unexpected turn.
“Hey, my assistant. Can you do my assignment for me?”
Kamian furrowed his brow as if he had heard something inexplicable.
“Aren’t you capable of being a tool, just like a s*x toy or a brush? Why can’t you be an assignment assistant?”
As I nonchalantly spread my textbook open on his desk, Kamian laughed incredulously. He turned his body entirely towards me and stared intently, as if perplexed.
“What are you looking at?”
“You.”
“Stop staring at my worn-out face.”
“I guarantee that won’t be an issue.”
“Don’t make bold guarantees like that. Because of your burning gaze, a few of my cells might just burn to ashes.”
“So, what should I call you this time? A cellular murderer?”
“What?”
“Since last evening, he has been called the dispenser of meals, the carrier of fever reducers, and the one who extinguishes the lights. I wonder what name will come out of your mouth now.”
It seemed fine to treat Kamian as a tool. However, due to my familiarity with villainous characters from literature, the wickedness ended with a somewhat childish outcome.
My inability to control my own character played a part, and my treatment of Kamian didn’t seem to cause any genuine hurt. Instead, it appeared as if I was merely playing around.
Moreover, it was difficult to disregard the 15 years of life we had shared. Mixing a few words with Kamian unintentionally resulted in my own speech patterns becoming more casual without my knowledge.
I approached him slowly and stood before him. Due to the height difference, I had to strain my neck to the point of discomfort just to meet his gaze. Kamian bent his waist and knees, adjusting his height to match my line of sight.
His deep red irises possessed a beautiful glimmer on the smoothly polished surface, yet they were also dark enough to conceal their depth. If I were to reach out my hand, captivated by their beauty, I would endlessly plummet and never reach an end. It felt as though I stood at the edge of a precipice, merely balancing on tiptoes. A single moment of distraction could lead to a relentless fall.
I firmly locked away my emotions and passed by Kamian without a glance. From behind, a sigh filled with complexity reached my ears, but I did not turn around.
“Your complexion hasn’t returned. If you suddenly collapse, do you know where your head might hit? If you want to witness my madness, continue behaving like this.”
I abruptly halted my steps in front of the bathroom. Due to Kamian extending his arm from behind to grasp the doorknob, he seemed trapped within his own posture.
“Listen.”
“I can wash up on my own.”
“Liv…”
“Instead, I’ll leave the door open.”
I clasped Kamian’s hand in mine and pulled the door closed. I barely left it ajar, just enough for one person to barely be seen, before speaking again.
“Just this much.”
“…”
“If I stumble, you can immediately catch me in your arms. Promise me without vomiting excuses.”
“…”
“Kamian.”
“Go inside.”
Our untimely quarrel concluded with each of us conceding a step.
Although I experienced a momentary dizziness during the bath, I did not lose consciousness or collapse. As I took a slight step backward, Kamian rushed over and enveloped my body in his embrace. When his warm and sturdy arms touched my bare skin, my heart beat slightly faster than usual, just a little, ever so slightly.
Unable to bring myself to meet his gaze, I only extended my hand and pushed Kamian away. Since our encounter, I had been excessively aware of him.
Fortunately, thanks to quickly finishing our bath, no misfortune occurred.
* * *
Between him and me, there arose an unforeseen matter of carnal nature, yet it did not become a turning point in our relationship.
After the minor dispute had been resolved, we remained as both family and close friends, indulging in playful banter and spending time together.
However, the act of intimacy was not a mere passing breeze. At least, not to me.
I came to realize that Kamian’s love was weightier and deeper than I had anticipated, and I also understood that such a lukewarm attitude as we had at present would never lead to a satisfactory conclusion.
I resolved to push him to his limits. It was not a matter of superficially uttering the words, “We are close friends.” No, I aimed to uproot the very core of his feelings.
Until now, I had been contemplating ways to maintain a good friendship with Kamian while rejecting his affections. Only now did I realize how self-centered and akin to pouring water into a leaky vessel my intentions had been.
To avoid his scorn and solely seek the cooling of Kamian’s love? It was a futile endeavor.
A significant event had to be created to shatter the enduring love we had nurtured. To achieve greater gains, the corresponding risks naturally increased. I had to become the adversary who could no longer remain by Kamian’s side as a friend, enduring his torrential outpouring of invectives.
How could I accomplish this?
As he suggested, by openly treating Kamian as a mere tool. Although the vivid image of him engaging in self-gratification or brushing his hair had become a piercing thorn that mercilessly jabbed at my vulnerability, I had to endure it.
Let cruelty prevail. Let malice reign. Fortunately, within the depths of my mind, an abundance of prototypes of malevolent characters had been stored. Stories I had heard, seen, and grown up with through movies, dramas, novels, and comics. I could become the mouse tormenting the bean, or perhaps the stepmother of Cinderella. I must forcefully etch into my bones the threshold where sympathy is forsaken and wield the rice paddle stained with remnants of rice to strike Kamian’s cheek.
However, my formidable plan took an unexpected turn.
“Hey, my assistant. Can you do my assignment for me?”
Kamian furrowed his brow as if he had heard something inexplicable.
“Aren’t you capable of being a tool, just like a s*x toy or a brush? Why can’t you be an assignment assistant?”
As I nonchalantly spread my textbook open on his desk, Kamian laughed incredulously. He turned his body entirely towards me and stared intently, as if perplexed.
“What are you looking at?”
“You.”
“Stop staring at my worn-out face.”
“I guarantee that won’t be an issue.”
“Don’t make bold guarantees like that. Because of your burning gaze, a few of my cells might just burn to ashes.”
“So, what should I call you this time? A cellular murderer?”
“What?”
“Since last evening, he has been called the dispenser of meals, the carrier of fever reducers, and the one who extinguishes the lights. I wonder what name will come out of your mouth now.”
It seemed fine to treat Kamian as a tool. However, due to my familiarity with villainous characters from literature, the wickedness ended with a somewhat childish outcome.
My inability to control my own character played a part, and my treatment of Kamian didn’t seem to cause any genuine hurt. Instead, it appeared as if I was merely playing around.
Moreover, it was difficult to disregard the 15 years of life we had shared. Mixing a few words with Kamian unintentionally resulted in my own speech patterns becoming more casual without my knowledge.
