“No. Could it be possible for someone to exist who is not to Kamian’s taste? Despite his somewhat tiresome personality and his subtle ability to irritate people, his exterior is impeccably flawless.
If it weren’t for the position that requires me to prevent Kamian’s corruption, my heart would have uncontrollably fluttered at the mere sight of him.
“…Though it still happens occasionally.”
If the problem lies in the fact that my heart beats faster after one s*xual encounter, it is because my body remembers the pleasure he provided.
Tomorrow marks the full moon. This upcoming full moon will undoubtedly be different from the previous ones. I already feel a surge of excitement, and my entire body trembles in anticipation. The unknown sense of anticipation keeps unsettling me.
“…”
I felt my hidden intentions to mix my body with Kamian once more in the guise of the full moon. I’m going insane. Absolutely insane. No matter how I treat Kamian as a tool, pretending on the surface and genuinely using him as one are clearly different. Some might argue that it’s the same thing, but at least, I know it isn’t.
If I were to grab just any person on the street and ask, “Will you become trash? Will you become a human who pretends to be trash?” Most people would undoubtedly give me a look as if I were completely mad and ignore me. However, if it were me! I would undoubtedly choose the latter.
I still vividly remember leaving comments filled with anger while witnessing numerous anecdotes of the trashy personalities on social media.
Although I once said in jest among friends that I would grab handsome men by their tentacles or squid legs, if that situation were to unfold before my eyes, could I truly do it? It questions whether I could ignore my inherent Confucian instincts that deem it as an improper act.
I never expected that indulging in Kamian’s body and discarding it afterward would cause me such a strong sense of guilt. Or, to be more precise, a disappointment in myself for expecting such behaviour. It’s a complete mess in my mind.
“…I have to do it anyway.”
It was a statement that aimed to organize the tangled thoughts in my mind all at once. Rather than neatly organizing them one by one, it was more like shoving them into a corner. Regardless.
My goal is not to maintain a peaceful relationship with Kamian but to prevent his corruption.
Imagining Kamian left alone on the bed after a passionate session, a pang of pain shoots through a corner of my heart. However, it is through accumulating such wounds that he will eventually be able to completely sever ties with me.
I stretched out my still-damp hair on the bed after lying there, motionless. Heat gathers as my face leans backward. Unintentionally, my parted lips emit a whimper, “Ugh…”
At that moment, the door swung open without a knock.
“What are you doing?”
The perpetrator of the mess within me stood before me.
“Leave, you scoundrel.”
“I told you to dry your hair and lie down.”
With a distinct frown on his face, he spoke, but Kamian paid no heed and entered. He took the towel I had placed on the chair and brought it over to the hair spread out beyond the edge of the bed. His large hand gently lifted the tangled locks, encircling them entirely.
“Bathed in blood.”
“You act like it’s going to happen.”
“Is suffering your preference?”
“Yes, it is. It’s quite the preference.”
Rising to my feet, I faced Kamian directly. He slightly furrowed one eyebrow.
“So, you prefer it rough.”
Only by forcefully thrusting myself into it can I feel any emotion other than pleasure. If the scoundrel were to caress me tenderly, call my name, or even kiss me, I wouldn’t have realized how recklessly my heart would race.
“What is it?”
“What could it be?”
“….”
I glanced down between his legs. Kamian let out a brief sigh and covered my head with the towel. Then, he began moving his hand vigorously, dispersing the strands of hair.
“Uh…!”
I raised my hand and gestured it downward. The hand tormenting my head abruptly stopped, and the towel naturally slid down onto my thigh.
“Stop these futile thoughts and sleep.”
I wanted to see the expression on his face, but Kamian had already turned his back. As soon as he opened the closed door, I urgently shouted.
“Remember my words. I prefer it recklessly.”
Thud. The door closed.
“At least answer before leaving.”
I once again released my hair and collapsed onto the bed. Why did he come into my room so suddenly? A question flickered in my mind, but the answer quickly emerged.
Despite being together all day, he still yearned to see me.
“No. Could it be possible for someone to exist who is not to Kamian’s taste? Despite his somewhat tiresome personality and his subtle ability to irritate people, his exterior is impeccably flawless.
If it weren’t for the position that requires me to prevent Kamian’s corruption, my heart would have uncontrollably fluttered at the mere sight of him.
“…Though it still happens occasionally.”
If the problem lies in the fact that my heart beats faster after one s*xual encounter, it is because my body remembers the pleasure he provided.
Tomorrow marks the full moon. This upcoming full moon will undoubtedly be different from the previous ones. I already feel a surge of excitement, and my entire body trembles in anticipation. The unknown sense of anticipation keeps unsettling me.
“…”
I felt my hidden intentions to mix my body with Kamian once more in the guise of the full moon. I’m going insane. Absolutely insane. No matter how I treat Kamian as a tool, pretending on the surface and genuinely using him as one are clearly different. Some might argue that it’s the same thing, but at least, I know it isn’t.
If I were to grab just any person on the street and ask, “Will you become trash? Will you become a human who pretends to be trash?” Most people would undoubtedly give me a look as if I were completely mad and ignore me. However, if it were me! I would undoubtedly choose the latter.
I still vividly remember leaving comments filled with anger while witnessing numerous anecdotes of the trashy personalities on social media.
Although I once said in jest among friends that I would grab handsome men by their tentacles or squid legs, if that situation were to unfold before my eyes, could I truly do it? It questions whether I could ignore my inherent Confucian instincts that deem it as an improper act.
I never expected that indulging in Kamian’s body and discarding it afterward would cause me such a strong sense of guilt. Or, to be more precise, a disappointment in myself for expecting such behaviour. It’s a complete mess in my mind.
“…I have to do it anyway.”
It was a statement that aimed to organize the tangled thoughts in my mind all at once. Rather than neatly organizing them one by one, it was more like shoving them into a corner. Regardless.
My goal is not to maintain a peaceful relationship with Kamian but to prevent his corruption.
Imagining Kamian left alone on the bed after a passionate session, a pang of pain shoots through a corner of my heart. However, it is through accumulating such wounds that he will eventually be able to completely sever ties with me.
I stretched out my still-damp hair on the bed after lying there, motionless. Heat gathers as my face leans backward. Unintentionally, my parted lips emit a whimper, “Ugh…”
At that moment, the door swung open without a knock.
“What are you doing?”
The perpetrator of the mess within me stood before me.
“Leave, you scoundrel.”
“I told you to dry your hair and lie down.”
With a distinct frown on his face, he spoke, but Kamian paid no heed and entered. He took the towel I had placed on the chair and brought it over to the hair spread out beyond the edge of the bed. His large hand gently lifted the tangled locks, encircling them entirely.
“Bathed in blood.”
“You act like it’s going to happen.”
“Is suffering your preference?”
“Yes, it is. It’s quite the preference.”
Rising to my feet, I faced Kamian directly. He slightly furrowed one eyebrow.
“So, you prefer it rough.”
Only by forcefully thrusting myself into it can I feel any emotion other than pleasure. If the scoundrel were to caress me tenderly, call my name, or even kiss me, I wouldn’t have realized how recklessly my heart would race.
“What is it?”
“What could it be?”
“….”
I glanced down between his legs. Kamian let out a brief sigh and covered my head with the towel. Then, he began moving his hand vigorously, dispersing the strands of hair.
“Uh…!”
I raised my hand and gestured it downward. The hand tormenting my head abruptly stopped, and the towel naturally slid down onto my thigh.
“Stop these futile thoughts and sleep.”
I wanted to see the expression on his face, but Kamian had already turned his back. As soon as he opened the closed door, I urgently shouted.
“Remember my words. I prefer it recklessly.”
Thud. The door closed.
“At least answer before leaving.”
I once again released my hair and collapsed onto the bed. Why did he come into my room so suddenly? A question flickered in my mind, but the answer quickly emerged.
Despite being together all day, he still yearned to see me.
