“I’m going to tear off your face and shove it up your ass!” Dorma growled, grappling over Pamela like a pile of badgers in a blanket.
Pamela punched Dorma in the face and shoved her off, crawling back towards her notebook.
“Oh no you don’t you little vitch!” Dorma screeched, leaping atop her former partner and tearing her helmet off, throwing it over the side of the wooden dome to cock knew where.
“Dorma!” Pamela gasped as Dorma clawed into her scalp, “That’s my standard issue Royal Gourd helmet! I’m gonna have to pay twenty chickensfeed to have that replaced! Plus a reprimand! And you know me Dorma I don’t get reprimands.”
“SHUT THE CLUCK UP! I’M GONNA CLUCKING KILL YOU!”
Pamela inched towards the notebook. “Okay okay cock hamn Dorma it’s just wow my ears you’re yelling right in them it really hurts without the cushioning of my standard issue Royal Gourd Helmet really wish you hadn’t torn that off that wasn’t very considerate. Now if you would just let me at my notebook…I really can’t bear—no offense Dorma with your animal limbs—I really can’t bear to think of missing the opportunity to sketch this out.”
“STOP WHINIG ABOUT YOUR CLUCKING NOTEBOOK! WHEN I’M DONE WITH YOU YOU’LL NEVER DRAW ANOTHER NAKED BODY AGAIN YOU CALLOUS VITCH!”
“I don’t really think I’m callous. Green Garey, do you think I’m callous?”
Green Garey, who had essentailly been staring into space in awe at the events unfolding before him, shook his head and nearly knocked off his hat. “Naye, Parrmela. I don’t think ye are carrrllous.”
“WHO GIVES A CLUCK WHAT YOU THINK? WHO IN THE CLUCK ARE YOU ANYWAY?! DON’T ANSWER THAT I DON’T CARE!!”
“Aye am Parrmela’s parrrrgtner,” Green Garey answered, dusting off his hook and stepping a boot lightly on Pamela’s notebook. “And aye am goiaarng to do what’s necessarrgy.”
Pamela’s eyes glimmered with hope as Green Garey leaned down and picked up the notebook. “Green Garey! You couldn’t!”
“SHUT THE CLUCK UP YOU TWO I’M TRYING TO ENACT MY REVENGE!!”
“Dorma can you please lower it a decibel or two I’m starting to get concerned about my hearing quality degrading due to overexposure to your ejaculations.”
“NO I’M NOT GOING TO LOWER IT TO A DECIBEL OR TWO YOU RIDICULOUS—”
“OH my COCK he’s doing it,” exhaled Pamela, nearly passing out.
Green Garey lifted up Pamela’s notebook. He glanced at the situation before him. Pamela laying face down on the floor gasping. Dorma literally clawing and climbing on top of her. Then he glanced at a blank sheet of paper. Faintly impressed in this sheet of paper were the scribbles of naked floating figures on rent-a-brooms from Pamela’s last sketchtwerk. Green Garey looked back at Pamela and Dorma. Then to the paper. Then to Pamela and Dorma. Then he unclipped Pamela’s pen from the notebook and pressed it to the paper with his right hand. And then, he sighed.
“Oh, Parrrmela. Aye can’t do it.”
“WHAT do you MEAN, Green GAREY? You’ve GOT to NOW! You’re SO close. WE’RE so CLOSE.”
“But Parrrmela. Aye’m…” Green Garey sniffled as a hot tear streaked down from his one eye, “Aye’m left harrnded!” He held up his left hook, lightly shaking it for dramaticism.
“Green Garey it DOESN’T matter! Green Garey I BELIEVE in YOU! You’ve GOT to draw me and Dorma NAKED! If not YOU then WHO, Green Garey, then clucking WHO?!”
“WHY IS NO ONE PAYING ATTENTION TO ME! I’M LITERALLY TRIYNG TO KILL YOU PAMELA AND ALL YOU AND YOUR HALFWIT SKYRATEMOUTHED PARTNER CARE ABOUT IS YOUR NOTEBOOK!”
“You never supported my notebook, Dorma. You always HATED it. Some partner you were. Green Garey CARES about my notebook. And he’s TWENTY BAJILLION times the partner that you EVER were,” Pamela blurted inspiringly. Then, under her breath, “You clucking vitch.”
Green Garey trembled as his right hand struggled to sketch the naked scene.
“DON’T YOU CALL ME A CLUCKING VITCH YOU CLUCKING VITCH! YOU THINK YOU’RE HOT SHIT?! YOU AREN’T CLUCKING NOTHING COMPARED TO ME! I WIPED MY ASS WITH YOUR GOURD ACADEMY SCORES! SUBMIT! SUBMIT TO ME YOU FILTHY CLUCKING SKANK!”
“NEVER!” Pamela shrieked, elbowing Dorma in her blind face and pushing her off her back. Pamela then clasped her left iron glove and shlunked it off. Then, she reeled it back, kicked Dorma onto the floor, pulled her face up, and
WFFFFF
backhanded her with the glove.
“That’s for calling me a vitch.”
WFFFFF
“That’s for calling me a skank.”
WFFFFF
“That’s for insulting my partner.”
WFFFFF
“And that’s because you really need to consider the importance of oral hygiene. If you would like, I can recommend some magic spell plans that can quickly help with your issue and greatly improve your quality of life.”
“I have an ulcer you insensitive—”
WFFFFF
“And that’s for calling me a vitch. Vitch.”
Dorma spat at Pamela, but it was quite windy, so it ended up splatting all over her own face.
“How’s the notebook looking, Green Garey? Are you getting all of this?”
“Aye’m not sure. Ye might want to take a look.”
Pamela sighed, pushed Dorma aside and scurried over to peer over her notebook in eager excitement.
“Oh. Green Garey.”
“Aye know, Parrmela, aye know.”
“Well at least you tried.”
“Aye did. Aye really did.”
“It’s okay buddy,” Pamela snatched the notebook away from him and began scrawling exgasmically. “Now let me see if I can tidy this up from memory.”
“Be carrrgful, Parrmela. Don’t warrnt to sprain a fingarrr.”
“I know what I’m doing Green Garey trust me I know what I’m doing.”
“YOU CLUCKING FOOLS! YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” growled Dorma, pulling herself to her fluffy feet as she foamed at the mouth.
“Do you think she got human eating eight legged bear wolf rabies, Green Garey?”
“Aye’m not sure. Thearrg’s suaargely a chaaarrrnce.”
“SHUT THE CLUCK UP YOU IDIOTS COCK HAMNIT! JUST SHHHHUT UP!! MINIONS!” Dorma’s minions stopped chatting amongst eachother and perked up to attention. “STOP CHATTING AMONGST EACHOTHER AND LISTEN TO ME!”
“But we already did that, Dorma,” whined Jeffrey with a G.
“STOP IT WITH THE TALKBACK!!”
“Ehhh ehheehhh ehhehhehehhh…Ehhhxcrete ehme, EhDorma…” wheezed a disgrossting voice from behind Pamela and Green Garey. They swiveled to see an armored blob floating menacingly on a rent-a-broom. “EhhhI ehbelieve ehthat ehyou ehare ehforgetting ehthat ehwe ehhave ehrevenge ehof ehour ehown ehthat ehwe ehwould ehlike ehto ehenact ehthat ehdoes ehnot ehinvolved ehthese ehtwo ehlaw ehhungry ehporkers ehbut ehinstead ehinvolves ehthe ehtwo ehwhores ehthat ehyou ehso ehglaringly ehallowed ehto ehescape ehwithout ehso ehmuch ehas ehbatting ehan eheye.”
“HOW COULD I HAVE BATTED AN EYE?! SHE CLUCKING GOUGED MY ONLY EYE OUT! I’M CLUCKING BLIND NOW YOU DISGROSSTING BLOB MAN!”
“Ehhouch…ehyou ehknow, ehwords ehcan ehreally ehhurt ehpeople’s ehmagicings ehwhen ehyou ehuse ehthem ehto ehhurl ehsuch ehinsulting ehand ehhurtful ehthings ehlike ehyou ehjust ehdid ehright ehthen—”
“DO YOU EEEVER STOP TALKING?! I SWEAR EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR BLOB MOUTH IF YOU EVEN HAVE A AMOUTH YOU USE TWICE AS MANY WORDS AS NECESSARY! IS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT THE MERE TIMBRE OF YOUR VOICE COULD GIVE SOMEONE FartBURN?! WHAT THE CLUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”
“Ehthat ehwasn’t ehvery ehnice, ehDorma. Ehyou ehknow ehwhat ehI ehthink?”
“NO AND I DON’T CARE YOU CLUCKING AMOEBA!”
“My notebook is just on fire,” Pamela sighed, shaking out a hand cramp.
“Aye can see tharrrt.”
“EhI ehthink ehthat ehwe, ehby ehwe ehI ehrefer ehto ehall ‘ehyour ehminions’ ehof ehcourse, ehhh ehhehh ehhehhh…ehhhsentially ehwhat ehI eham ehsaying ehis ehwe ehshould ehchase ehafter ehthe ehwhores ehthat ehhave ehbrought ehus ehall ehso ehmuch ehtorment. Ehwhat ehdo ehyou ehall ehthink ehof ehthat ehidea ehhehhh?”
Everyone stood in silence, trying to parse what the blob had just laboriously wheezed.
“W’ayuwt w’awus heeyuh saayan’?” whispered a tall hodded figure that was unmistakably an ostrich jockey.
“I think he wants us to ditch Dorma and go chase after the whores with him,” squeaked Jeffrey with a G.
The minions considered this idea with interested murmurs. Then, they shrugged.
“Ehehhxcellent, ehhehhhxcehhhlleeehhhhhnnnt. Ehalright, eheehhhveryone ehfollow ehhhme.”
The blob squelched off of his rent-a-broom, landed on some blackened overalls, and slid down the dome with a lightfarted ‘weeeeee!’
“HOW GARISH!” Dorma bellowed.
The minions lowered their brooms, hopped onto the dome, and ran over to piles of overalls. Each one pounced on a pair and slid down the dome with a ‘weeee’, save for Jeffrey with a G and Thurmsabold (whose overalls had been taken as sleds by Broderica and Krumbumbum). They instead slid on their backs, later to complain of domeburn and splinters.
“SUCK ON THIS!”
FFTWAAAA
“Yaaarg! Me kneecap!” screamed Green Garey as an arrow shot through his right kneecap.
“Green Garey! Your kneecap!”
Dorma reloaded her standard issue Royal Gourd crossbow. “HAH. HAH. HAAAAHHH.”
“What was that, Dorma?”
“MWAH. MWAH HAH. MWAH.”
“So do you have asthma now or something?”
“MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAAA!” Dorma cackled and shot another arrow, this one aimed at Pamela.
FTWAAAAAANG
It missed, instead bouncing off the dome and rolling away.
“Oh cockhammit. Just you wait, Pamela. Just you wait until I reload my standard issue Royal Gourd crossbow.”
Pamela cracked her knuckles and whipped out her standard issue Royal Gourd crossbow. “Not if I reload my standard issue Royal Gourd crossbow first.”
“You wouldn’t DARE!”
“I would too dare.”
“No you wouldn’t we used to be partners I know you.”
“I’ve changed a lot since then. I totally would.”
“You totally would not.”
“LARRRRGDIES!” Green Garey ejactulated dramatically, producing his own weapon from a holster under his coat, “Ye both ferget. Aye too harrve a crossbarrgow. But it is narrrt standaarrrd issue,” he smirked as he petted his glimmering weapon with pride, “It is a custom ordarrr semiarrrgtomatic non-standarrrrd issue Royal Gouarrrrd crossbow.”
“I’m going to tear off your face and shove it up your ass!” Dorma growled, grappling over Pamela like a pile of badgers in a blanket.
Pamela punched Dorma in the face and shoved her off, crawling back towards her notebook.
“Oh no you don’t you little vitch!” Dorma screeched, leaping atop her former partner and tearing her helmet off, throwing it over the side of the wooden dome to cock knew where.
“Dorma!” Pamela gasped as Dorma clawed into her scalp, “That’s my standard issue Royal Gourd helmet! I’m gonna have to pay twenty chickensfeed to have that replaced! Plus a reprimand! And you know me Dorma I don’t get reprimands.”
“SHUT THE CLUCK UP! I’M GONNA CLUCKING KILL YOU!”
Pamela inched towards the notebook. “Okay okay cock hamn Dorma it’s just wow my ears you’re yelling right in them it really hurts without the cushioning of my standard issue Royal Gourd Helmet really wish you hadn’t torn that off that wasn’t very considerate. Now if you would just let me at my notebook…I really can’t bear—no offense Dorma with your animal limbs—I really can’t bear to think of missing the opportunity to sketch this out.”
“STOP WHINIG ABOUT YOUR CLUCKING NOTEBOOK! WHEN I’M DONE WITH YOU YOU’LL NEVER DRAW ANOTHER NAKED BODY AGAIN YOU CALLOUS VITCH!”
“I don’t really think I’m callous. Green Garey, do you think I’m callous?”
Green Garey, who had essentailly been staring into space in awe at the events unfolding before him, shook his head and nearly knocked off his hat. “Naye, Parrmela. I don’t think ye are carrrllous.”
“WHO GIVES A CLUCK WHAT YOU THINK? WHO IN THE CLUCK ARE YOU ANYWAY?! DON’T ANSWER THAT I DON’T CARE!!”
“Aye am Parrmela’s parrrrgtner,” Green Garey answered, dusting off his hook and stepping a boot lightly on Pamela’s notebook. “And aye am goiaarng to do what’s necessarrgy.”
Pamela’s eyes glimmered with hope as Green Garey leaned down and picked up the notebook. “Green Garey! You couldn’t!”
“SHUT THE CLUCK UP YOU TWO I’M TRYING TO ENACT MY REVENGE!!”
“Dorma can you please lower it a decibel or two I’m starting to get concerned about my hearing quality degrading due to overexposure to your ejaculations.”
“NO I’M NOT GOING TO LOWER IT TO A DECIBEL OR TWO YOU RIDICULOUS—”
“OH my COCK he’s doing it,” exhaled Pamela, nearly passing out.
Green Garey lifted up Pamela’s notebook. He glanced at the situation before him. Pamela laying face down on the floor gasping. Dorma literally clawing and climbing on top of her. Then he glanced at a blank sheet of paper. Faintly impressed in this sheet of paper were the scribbles of naked floating figures on rent-a-brooms from Pamela’s last sketchtwerk. Green Garey looked back at Pamela and Dorma. Then to the paper. Then to Pamela and Dorma. Then he unclipped Pamela’s pen from the notebook and pressed it to the paper with his right hand. And then, he sighed.
“Oh, Parrrmela. Aye can’t do it.”
“WHAT do you MEAN, Green GAREY? You’ve GOT to NOW! You’re SO close. WE’RE so CLOSE.”
“But Parrrmela. Aye’m…” Green Garey sniffled as a hot tear streaked down from his one eye, “Aye’m left harrnded!” He held up his left hook, lightly shaking it for dramaticism.
“Green Garey it DOESN’T matter! Green Garey I BELIEVE in YOU! You’ve GOT to draw me and Dorma NAKED! If not YOU then WHO, Green Garey, then clucking WHO?!”
“WHY IS NO ONE PAYING ATTENTION TO ME! I’M LITERALLY TRIYNG TO KILL YOU PAMELA AND ALL YOU AND YOUR HALFWIT SKYRATEMOUTHED PARTNER CARE ABOUT IS YOUR NOTEBOOK!”
“You never supported my notebook, Dorma. You always HATED it. Some partner you were. Green Garey CARES about my notebook. And he’s TWENTY BAJILLION times the partner that you EVER were,” Pamela blurted inspiringly. Then, under her breath, “You clucking vitch.”
Green Garey trembled as his right hand struggled to sketch the naked scene.
“DON’T YOU CALL ME A CLUCKING VITCH YOU CLUCKING VITCH! YOU THINK YOU’RE HOT SHIT?! YOU AREN’T CLUCKING NOTHING COMPARED TO ME! I WIPED MY ASS WITH YOUR GOURD ACADEMY SCORES! SUBMIT! SUBMIT TO ME YOU FILTHY CLUCKING SKANK!”
“NEVER!” Pamela shrieked, elbowing Dorma in her blind face and pushing her off her back. Pamela then clasped her left iron glove and shlunked it off. Then, she reeled it back, kicked Dorma onto the floor, pulled her face up, and
WFFFFF
backhanded her with the glove.
“That’s for calling me a vitch.”
WFFFFF
“That’s for calling me a skank.”
WFFFFF
“That’s for insulting my partner.”
WFFFFF
“And that’s because you really need to consider the importance of oral hygiene. If you would like, I can recommend some magic spell plans that can quickly help with your issue and greatly improve your quality of life.”
“I have an ulcer you insensitive—”
WFFFFF
“And that’s for calling me a vitch. Vitch.”
Dorma spat at Pamela, but it was quite windy, so it ended up splatting all over her own face.
“How’s the notebook looking, Green Garey? Are you getting all of this?”
“Aye’m not sure. Ye might want to take a look.”
Pamela sighed, pushed Dorma aside and scurried over to peer over her notebook in eager excitement.
“Oh. Green Garey.”
“Aye know, Parrmela, aye know.”
“Well at least you tried.”
“Aye did. Aye really did.”
“It’s okay buddy,” Pamela snatched the notebook away from him and began scrawling exgasmically. “Now let me see if I can tidy this up from memory.”
“Be carrrgful, Parrmela. Don’t warrnt to sprain a fingarrr.”
“I know what I’m doing Green Garey trust me I know what I’m doing.”
“YOU CLUCKING FOOLS! YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” growled Dorma, pulling herself to her fluffy feet as she foamed at the mouth.
“Do you think she got human eating eight legged bear wolf rabies, Green Garey?”
“Aye’m not sure. Thearrg’s suaargely a chaaarrrnce.”
“SHUT THE CLUCK UP YOU IDIOTS COCK HAMNIT! JUST SHHHHUT UP!! MINIONS!” Dorma’s minions stopped chatting amongst eachother and perked up to attention. “STOP CHATTING AMONGST EACHOTHER AND LISTEN TO ME!”
“But we already did that, Dorma,” whined Jeffrey with a G.
“STOP IT WITH THE TALKBACK!!”
“Ehhh ehheehhh ehhehhehehhh…Ehhhxcrete ehme, EhDorma…” wheezed a disgrossting voice from behind Pamela and Green Garey. They swiveled to see an armored blob floating menacingly on a rent-a-broom. “EhhhI ehbelieve ehthat ehyou ehare ehforgetting ehthat ehwe ehhave ehrevenge ehof ehour ehown ehthat ehwe ehwould ehlike ehto ehenact ehthat ehdoes ehnot ehinvolved ehthese ehtwo ehlaw ehhungry ehporkers ehbut ehinstead ehinvolves ehthe ehtwo ehwhores ehthat ehyou ehso ehglaringly ehallowed ehto ehescape ehwithout ehso ehmuch ehas ehbatting ehan eheye.”
“HOW COULD I HAVE BATTED AN EYE?! SHE CLUCKING GOUGED MY ONLY EYE OUT! I’M CLUCKING BLIND NOW YOU DISGROSSTING BLOB MAN!”
“Ehhouch…ehyou ehknow, ehwords ehcan ehreally ehhurt ehpeople’s ehmagicings ehwhen ehyou ehuse ehthem ehto ehhurl ehsuch ehinsulting ehand ehhurtful ehthings ehlike ehyou ehjust ehdid ehright ehthen—”
“DO YOU EEEVER STOP TALKING?! I SWEAR EVERY TIME YOU OPEN YOUR BLOB MOUTH IF YOU EVEN HAVE A AMOUTH YOU USE TWICE AS MANY WORDS AS NECESSARY! IS IT NOT ENOUGH THAT THE MERE TIMBRE OF YOUR VOICE COULD GIVE SOMEONE FartBURN?! WHAT THE CLUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”
“Ehthat ehwasn’t ehvery ehnice, ehDorma. Ehyou ehknow ehwhat ehI ehthink?”
“NO AND I DON’T CARE YOU CLUCKING AMOEBA!”
“My notebook is just on fire,” Pamela sighed, shaking out a hand cramp.
“Aye can see tharrrt.”
“EhI ehthink ehthat ehwe, ehby ehwe ehI ehrefer ehto ehall ‘ehyour ehminions’ ehof ehcourse, ehhh ehhehh ehhehhh…ehhhsentially ehwhat ehI eham ehsaying ehis ehwe ehshould ehchase ehafter ehthe ehwhores ehthat ehhave ehbrought ehus ehall ehso ehmuch ehtorment. Ehwhat ehdo ehyou ehall ehthink ehof ehthat ehidea ehhehhh?”
Everyone stood in silence, trying to parse what the blob had just laboriously wheezed.
“W’ayuwt w’awus heeyuh saayan’?” whispered a tall hodded figure that was unmistakably an ostrich jockey.
“I think he wants us to ditch Dorma and go chase after the whores with him,” squeaked Jeffrey with a G.
The minions considered this idea with interested murmurs. Then, they shrugged.
“Ehehhxcellent, ehhehhhxcehhhlleeehhhhhnnnt. Ehalright, eheehhhveryone ehfollow ehhhme.”
The blob squelched off of his rent-a-broom, landed on some blackened overalls, and slid down the dome with a lightfarted ‘weeeeee!’
“HOW GARISH!” Dorma bellowed.
The minions lowered their brooms, hopped onto the dome, and ran over to piles of overalls. Each one pounced on a pair and slid down the dome with a ‘weeee’, save for Jeffrey with a G and Thurmsabold (whose overalls had been taken as sleds by Broderica and Krumbumbum). They instead slid on their backs, later to complain of domeburn and splinters.
“SUCK ON THIS!”
FFTWAAAA
“Yaaarg! Me kneecap!” screamed Green Garey as an arrow shot through his right kneecap.
“Green Garey! Your kneecap!”
Dorma reloaded her standard issue Royal Gourd crossbow. “HAH. HAH. HAAAAHHH.”
“What was that, Dorma?”
“MWAH. MWAH HAH. MWAH.”
“So do you have asthma now or something?”
“MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAAA!” Dorma cackled and shot another arrow, this one aimed at Pamela.
FTWAAAAAANG
It missed, instead bouncing off the dome and rolling away.
“Oh cockhammit. Just you wait, Pamela. Just you wait until I reload my standard issue Royal Gourd crossbow.”
Pamela cracked her knuckles and whipped out her standard issue Royal Gourd crossbow. “Not if I reload my standard issue Royal Gourd crossbow first.”
“You wouldn’t DARE!”
“I would too dare.”
“No you wouldn’t we used to be partners I know you.”
“I’ve changed a lot since then. I totally would.”
“You totally would not.”
“LARRRRGDIES!” Green Garey ejactulated dramatically, producing his own weapon from a holster under his coat, “Ye both ferget. Aye too harrve a crossbarrgow. But it is narrrt standaarrrd issue,” he smirked as he petted his glimmering weapon with pride, “It is a custom ordarrr semiarrrgtomatic non-standarrrrd issue Royal Gouarrrrd crossbow.”
