「I want to make tea, so wait.」
I couldn’t bring the truffles right away because Sendai-san said such a thing. I wait for the water in the electric kettle to boil and the tea to be poured into mugs before carrying the truffles to my room. Then, just as the plates and mugs were lined up on the table, Sendai-san said again,「Wait.」
「I want to take a picture of the truffles before we eat them.」
「I don’t want to.」
I tell Sendai-san briefly, who is kneeling next to me. But she doesn’t give up.
「You went to the trouble of making this, only one piece.」
When I said this, she held up her phone and took one photo before I could open my mouth.
AD
「…What are you going to do with a picture of a truffle?」
「A commemorative for Valentine’s.」
Sendai-san, sitting flat on the floor, gives a short answer.
She loves “commemorations.”
She takes pictures to commemorate her visit to the my school festival, or to celebrate the New Year. Even the piercing is the same. She said I could have a piercing if I wanted to commemorate the occasion and gave me a piercer to pierce her ear on my birthday.
With Sendai-san, “commemorations” that I don’t understand increase.
Things that would not be memorials if I were alone become memorials.
It’s nothing short of an act of memory making, and it weighs on my heart a bit.
The joy is proportional to the sadness. The more pleasant the memories, the deeper the sadness when something related to the memories is missing.
AD
I reach out and touch Sendai-san’s earrings.
「What is it?」
On the day I pierced her ear, Sendai-san promised to share a whole cake with me on her birthday this year. And she would keep it. Perhaps this year I will take pictures. More anniversaries, more memories, more Sendai-san in me.
Next year will come when this year is over, but I will not let go of Sendai-san. But Sendai-san might get tired of being mine.
I don’t know how many times I think about these things, but I can’t stop thinking about them.
「What about next year’s Valentine’s Day?」
When I asked, Sendai-san grabbed my hand and removed my finger from the earring.
「Same as this year. It doesn’t have to be truffles, we can make something together.」
AD
Sendai-san’s lips are attached to my fingertips and she also kisses my earrings. I didn’t ask for a promise, but Sendai-san whispered「promise」in my ear. I didn’t promise the next year. Of course, I didn’t promise the one after that either. I don’t want such promises, but I am dissatisfied.
But I’m also afraid of being promised.
I don’t want my expectations to be betrayed.
Promises, like the word commemoration, weigh on my heart a bit.
「Well, there’s White Day before that. Shall we make cookies together?」
Sendai-san says in a cheerful voice and smiles.
「No need to do anything for White Day.」
「Why?」
「Because it’s a hassle.」
AD
「It’s alright, let’s make cookies together. I’ll prepare cookie molds of dogs and cats for you, Miyagi.」
「Sendai-san, I know you think I’m a child.」
「That’s not what I meant, but I thought you might want to make animal cookies.」
「You don’t have to make one.」
When I make sweets, I don’t really want them to be in the shape of animals.
The cookies were shaped like animals because the dough looked like clay, and the chocolates were shaped like clay, so I just put ears on them. There is no reason other than just because.
And I don’t like to cook like Sendai-san, so I don’t want to make sweets for the event.
「Don’t look at me like that, eat it. It’s delicious.」
I hear a bright voice and look at Sendai-san. A round truffle approaches me and sticks to my lips. I didn’t ask her to let me eat it, but it stuck to me and was pushed into my mouth.
Sweet.
When I reached for another truffle, Sendai-san reached for one as well, and she took one of the snoring truffles from my plate and threw it into her mouth.
My brow wrinkles involuntarily.
AD
「I made it, so I’ll eat it.」
Pushing Sendai-san’s shoulder, I also pick up a truffle that is out of shape. But before I can bring it to my mouth, she grabs me by the wrist and changes direction. The hand that should have come toward me ended up going toward Sendai-san, and she bit the truffle with my whole finger.
Sendai-san’s teeth hit my fingernail and pulled my finger out. The truffle that should have been there is gone. I pull the alligator closer and pull out a tissue growing from its back to wipe my fingers.
「Delicious.」
I hear Sendai-san’s happy voice.
「Annoying. Don’t take people’s truffles.」
「That’s because you tried to eat my truffles, Miyagi.」
I said this and tapped her on the shoulder as Sendai-san tried to take another misshapen truffle.
AD
「I told you it’s not that. I’ll eat what I made, and you eat what you made, Sendai-san.」
「No. I’ll eat what Miyagi made, you eat what I made. Besides, it’s more like Valentine’s Day if you eat something someone else made, right?」
Sendai-san smiles at me and asks for my agreement, but I don’t agree.
「I’ll feed you, so open your mouth. Miyagi.」
As if it were a matter of course, Sendai-san picks up a round truffle and brings it to my mouth. So I bite down on the truffle with my whole finger like she did. Then, after wiping Sendai-san’s tooth-marked finger with a tissue, I asked her.
「Then, what about White Day? Sendai-san, are you going to eat what I made again?」
「Obviously.」
The answer comes back to me as expected and I stand up.
I go to the front of the bookshelf and take out the box that was lined up with the manga, behind the stuffed black cat, and hand it to Sendai-san.
AD
「Here, I’ll give you this.」
「Eh? What’s this?」
「That’s for Valentine’s Day. That’s why we won’t do anything for White Day.」
I sit back down next to Sendai-san and drink my tea.
「This, it’s for Valentine’s Day, right?」
「It’s fine, that is for White Day.」
There is no rule against giving chocolates on White Day, although there are chocolates in the box I gave to Sendai-san.
「It’s not fine. I will return the favor on White Day. After we make cookies together, I’ll make something you wanted to eat, Miyagi.」
「…You immediately try to cook, but do you really like cooking that much, Sendai-san?」
「It’s not that I don’t like it.」
「But, Sendai-san, you are a good cook. Why?」
AD
She likes to cook, even though she doesn’t like it, and she can make it taste good. She’s good with her hands.
「Maybe it’s because I’ve been making most of my own meals since I started high school.」
「…What about your mother?」
The answer is predictable.
Sendai-san doesn’t have a good relationship with her family, and in high school we often ate together at my house. Given that, I think the answer is either that they never had meals cooked for her or that they didn’t want to have meals cooked for her.
「I told them they didn’t have to cook for me. We’re not a close family, and I didn’t want to eat with them. Also, after graduating from high school, I planned to live on my own whether I was accepted to college or not, so I wanted to learn how to cook.」
Sendai-san adds some information to the answer I had in my head. The outline of the person named Sendai Hazuki became clearer in my mind than ever before, as my memory was imprinted with something about her that I had never known before.
But I have nothing to give back to her.
AD
I don’t know what words to use in these situations.
It’s one thing to say, “I’m sorry you had a hard time,” and another to say, “I hope we can get to know each other someday.” On the other hand, it does not feel right to simply say, “I see.”
Then, what can I say?
Various words are going around in my head, but I can’t find the right words. In the end, I had no choice but to remain silent. I squeezed the crocodile’s tiny hand, and Sendai-san said,「Thanks for this. Can I open it?」and shows her the box I gave her.
「You can’t. Open it in your room.」
「Okay, but this is… Did you and Utsunomiya go out and buy it?」
Sendai-san says in a flat voice.
「I bought it alone.」
「Do you have the same thing for Utsunomiya?」
「Earlier, I said I wouldn’t give Maika any chocolate.」
AD
「You didn’t say it. I did hear that you have no plans to meet with Utsunomiya.」
「Sendai-san, fine. I won’t give it to you because I won’t see her on Valentine’s Day and I’m not like you, Sendai-san.」
「Not like me?」
「You give chocolate to your friends, don’t you? You’ve always gave those to them.」
Back when I was in 2nd-year, and also in 3rd-year.
Sendai-san, who was in high school, gave chocolates to her friends.
「I told you earlier that I wouldn’t give it to them. It’s my day off, and I don’t plan to see my friends. I’m only meeting with you, Miyagi.」
As she says this, Sendai-san drinks her tea and eats the truffle with her mouth.
「You’re still going to your part-time job.」
「Except for the part-time job. I let you wear me a kissmark, that should be fine?」
AD
I know that without being told.
A part-time job is something that has a higher priority than me. I don’t like the word “part-time job” because it means that my Sendai-san will not listen to me. Still, I put up with it. But if she asks me to be convinced with just one mark, I won’t be able to put up with it.
I reach for the mark I just made.
I stroke the red mark with my fingertips, then press lightly and he grabs me by the shoulders.
「Sendai-san. This hand, what is this?」
When I asked, there was no answer.
Instead, the hand gripping my shoulder is strong.
I am pushed hard and involuntarily put my hands on the floor.
「What are you asking?」
「You seem disgruntled, so I thought I’d let you mark me more.」
「If that’s how you feel, get your hands off me.」
I can only assume that Sendai-san is trying to push me down for all intents and purposes. If it’s a mark on my neck, I can put it on without being pushed down. More to the point, it’s easier to put on Sendai-san if I push her down than if she pushes me down.
「Don’t you think it should be good for me as well as you, Miyagi?」
「I don’t think so.」
I tell her clearly, but more of Sendai-san’s weight is on my shoulders. She pushes me with all her might, and my back touches the floor, even though I don’t want to be comfortable while on the floor.
「Don’t worry, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do, Miyagi.」
Sendai-san grabs my hand.
Reflexively, I tried to pull my arm away, but she pulled me back. My hand was guided through the hem of the loose-fitting sweater she was wearing and into her clothes, my palm touching her smooth side.
「If I do it to you, Miyagi, you’ll be angry, so Miyagi should do it to me.」
「…You won’t get angry, Sendai-san?」
「I have no reason to be angry. I don’t care if it’s a mark.」
A soft voice invites me to call her softly, and I press my lips to her neck as we close the distance between us.
I suck hard and increase the red marks.
Sendai-san is not angry.
I slid my hand, placed at her side, down to her chest.
When I pressed lightly I felt hard bones, but soft and warm.
It feels good just to touch it.
Sendai-san is mine, so I can do anything I want as long as I don’t stop her from going to her part-time job. I can mark her, and she won’t be offended if I touch her. I can take off her clothes. Even her underwear——
I crawl my hand over her bra and wraps it around the soft bulge.
Sendai-san doesn’t resist, and I feel strongly that she is mine.
「You should touch it more properly.」
I hear her urging me to put my arms behind her back and crawl my fingers up the hooks of her bra.
But it’s Valentine’s Day. If something happens, I can easily find it today. There is no need to put a mark. It will stay in my memory until the date, just like at Christmas.
「Miyagi?」
I hear Sendai-san’s voice, but I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, so I put my hand flat on her back. I know that correctness is meaningless in a situation like this, but I can’t move my hand any further.
「I like being touched by you, so go on, Miyagi.」
I hear a voice as sweet as chocolate, and my heart thumps.
It seems like the right thing to do to continue as Sendai-san said, but I took my hand out of my clothes and touched her lips with my fingertips.
I lick her lips as she stares at me.
Sweet.
I put my lips together to see if it tastes like truffles, and Sendai-san’s tongue slips in. It was sweeter and more dizzying than the kiss I had just shared in the common space. I pushed Sendai’s shoulder as if we were something other than roommates.
「Miyagi.」
I can hear the discontent in her voice.
「…I won’t do it today.」
「When is a good time?」
「I don’t know, but it’s not today.」
Pulling on Sendai-san’s ear.
I don’t want to because if I make a promise, I’ll worry about that day. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to touch Sendai-san. But today is the kind of day that will be remembered well into the date, and I don’t want the sweetness of the chocolates we made together to be obscured.
「Move.」
Sendai-san’s face clouds over at the sound of my voice. But it was only for a moment, and soon she was back to her usual self. But she doesn’t move.
「…I’m not making any promises, but one day I will, so get out of my way.」
With that, I pushed Sendai-san’s shoulder and she followed my words.
「I want to make tea, so wait.」
I couldn’t bring the truffles right away because Sendai-san said such a thing. I wait for the water in the electric kettle to boil and the tea to be poured into mugs before carrying the truffles to my room. Then, just as the plates and mugs were lined up on the table, Sendai-san said again,「Wait.」
「I want to take a picture of the truffles before we eat them.」
「I don’t want to.」
I tell Sendai-san briefly, who is kneeling next to me. But she doesn’t give up.
「You went to the trouble of making this, only one piece.」
When I said this, she held up her phone and took one photo before I could open my mouth.
AD
「…What are you going to do with a picture of a truffle?」
「A commemorative for Valentine’s.」
Sendai-san, sitting flat on the floor, gives a short answer.
She loves “commemorations.”
She takes pictures to commemorate her visit to the my school festival, or to celebrate the New Year. Even the piercing is the same. She said I could have a piercing if I wanted to commemorate the occasion and gave me a piercer to pierce her ear on my birthday.
With Sendai-san, “commemorations” that I don’t understand increase.
Things that would not be memorials if I were alone become memorials.
It’s nothing short of an act of memory making, and it weighs on my heart a bit.
The joy is proportional to the sadness. The more pleasant the memories, the deeper the sadness when something related to the memories is missing.
AD
I reach out and touch Sendai-san’s earrings.
「What is it?」
On the day I pierced her ear, Sendai-san promised to share a whole cake with me on her birthday this year. And she would keep it. Perhaps this year I will take pictures. More anniversaries, more memories, more Sendai-san in me.
Next year will come when this year is over, but I will not let go of Sendai-san. But Sendai-san might get tired of being mine.
I don’t know how many times I think about these things, but I can’t stop thinking about them.
「What about next year’s Valentine’s Day?」
When I asked, Sendai-san grabbed my hand and removed my finger from the earring.
「Same as this year. It doesn’t have to be truffles, we can make something together.」
AD
Sendai-san’s lips are attached to my fingertips and she also kisses my earrings. I didn’t ask for a promise, but Sendai-san whispered「promise」in my ear. I didn’t promise the next year. Of course, I didn’t promise the one after that either. I don’t want such promises, but I am dissatisfied.
But I’m also afraid of being promised.
I don’t want my expectations to be betrayed.
Promises, like the word commemoration, weigh on my heart a bit.
「Well, there’s White Day before that. Shall we make cookies together?」
Sendai-san says in a cheerful voice and smiles.
「No need to do anything for White Day.」
「Why?」
「Because it’s a hassle.」
AD
「It’s alright, let’s make cookies together. I’ll prepare cookie molds of dogs and cats for you, Miyagi.」
「Sendai-san, I know you think I’m a child.」
「That’s not what I meant, but I thought you might want to make animal cookies.」
「You don’t have to make one.」
When I make sweets, I don’t really want them to be in the shape of animals.
The cookies were shaped like animals because the dough looked like clay, and the chocolates were shaped like clay, so I just put ears on them. There is no reason other than just because.
And I don’t like to cook like Sendai-san, so I don’t want to make sweets for the event.
「Don’t look at me like that, eat it. It’s delicious.」
I hear a bright voice and look at Sendai-san. A round truffle approaches me and sticks to my lips. I didn’t ask her to let me eat it, but it stuck to me and was pushed into my mouth.
Sweet.
When I reached for another truffle, Sendai-san reached for one as well, and she took one of the snoring truffles from my plate and threw it into her mouth.
My brow wrinkles involuntarily.
AD
「I made it, so I’ll eat it.」
Pushing Sendai-san’s shoulder, I also pick up a truffle that is out of shape. But before I can bring it to my mouth, she grabs me by the wrist and changes direction. The hand that should have come toward me ended up going toward Sendai-san, and she bit the truffle with my whole finger.
Sendai-san’s teeth hit my fingernail and pulled my finger out. The truffle that should have been there is gone. I pull the alligator closer and pull out a tissue growing from its back to wipe my fingers.
「Delicious.」
I hear Sendai-san’s happy voice.
「Annoying. Don’t take people’s truffles.」
「That’s because you tried to eat my truffles, Miyagi.」
I said this and tapped her on the shoulder as Sendai-san tried to take another misshapen truffle.
AD
「I told you it’s not that. I’ll eat what I made, and you eat what you made, Sendai-san.」
「No. I’ll eat what Miyagi made, you eat what I made. Besides, it’s more like Valentine’s Day if you eat something someone else made, right?」
Sendai-san smiles at me and asks for my agreement, but I don’t agree.
「I’ll feed you, so open your mouth. Miyagi.」
As if it were a matter of course, Sendai-san picks up a round truffle and brings it to my mouth. So I bite down on the truffle with my whole finger like she did. Then, after wiping Sendai-san’s tooth-marked finger with a tissue, I asked her.
「Then, what about White Day? Sendai-san, are you going to eat what I made again?」
「Obviously.」
The answer comes back to me as expected and I stand up.
I go to the front of the bookshelf and take out the box that was lined up with the manga, behind the stuffed black cat, and hand it to Sendai-san.
AD
「Here, I’ll give you this.」
「Eh? What’s this?」
「That’s for Valentine’s Day. That’s why we won’t do anything for White Day.」
I sit back down next to Sendai-san and drink my tea.
「This, it’s for Valentine’s Day, right?」
「It’s fine, that is for White Day.」
There is no rule against giving chocolates on White Day, although there are chocolates in the box I gave to Sendai-san.
「It’s not fine. I will return the favor on White Day. After we make cookies together, I’ll make something you wanted to eat, Miyagi.」
「…You immediately try to cook, but do you really like cooking that much, Sendai-san?」
「It’s not that I don’t like it.」
「But, Sendai-san, you are a good cook. Why?」
AD
She likes to cook, even though she doesn’t like it, and she can make it taste good. She’s good with her hands.
「Maybe it’s because I’ve been making most of my own meals since I started high school.」
「…What about your mother?」
The answer is predictable.
Sendai-san doesn’t have a good relationship with her family, and in high school we often ate together at my house. Given that, I think the answer is either that they never had meals cooked for her or that they didn’t want to have meals cooked for her.
「I told them they didn’t have to cook for me. We’re not a close family, and I didn’t want to eat with them. Also, after graduating from high school, I planned to live on my own whether I was accepted to college or not, so I wanted to learn how to cook.」
Sendai-san adds some information to the answer I had in my head. The outline of the person named Sendai Hazuki became clearer in my mind than ever before, as my memory was imprinted with something about her that I had never known before.
But I have nothing to give back to her.
AD
I don’t know what words to use in these situations.
It’s one thing to say, “I’m sorry you had a hard time,” and another to say, “I hope we can get to know each other someday.” On the other hand, it does not feel right to simply say, “I see.”
Then, what can I say?
Various words are going around in my head, but I can’t find the right words. In the end, I had no choice but to remain silent. I squeezed the crocodile’s tiny hand, and Sendai-san said,「Thanks for this. Can I open it?」and shows her the box I gave her.
「You can’t. Open it in your room.」
「Okay, but this is… Did you and Utsunomiya go out and buy it?」
Sendai-san says in a flat voice.
「I bought it alone.」
「Do you have the same thing for Utsunomiya?」
「Earlier, I said I wouldn’t give Maika any chocolate.」
AD
「You didn’t say it. I did hear that you have no plans to meet with Utsunomiya.」
「Sendai-san, fine. I won’t give it to you because I won’t see her on Valentine’s Day and I’m not like you, Sendai-san.」
「Not like me?」
「You give chocolate to your friends, don’t you? You’ve always gave those to them.」
Back when I was in 2nd-year, and also in 3rd-year.
Sendai-san, who was in high school, gave chocolates to her friends.
「I told you earlier that I wouldn’t give it to them. It’s my day off, and I don’t plan to see my friends. I’m only meeting with you, Miyagi.」
As she says this, Sendai-san drinks her tea and eats the truffle with her mouth.
「You’re still going to your part-time job.」
「Except for the part-time job. I let you wear me a kissmark, that should be fine?」
AD
I know that without being told.
A part-time job is something that has a higher priority than me. I don’t like the word “part-time job” because it means that my Sendai-san will not listen to me. Still, I put up with it. But if she asks me to be convinced with just one mark, I won’t be able to put up with it.
I reach for the mark I just made.
I stroke the red mark with my fingertips, then press lightly and he grabs me by the shoulders.
「Sendai-san. This hand, what is this?」
When I asked, there was no answer.
Instead, the hand gripping my shoulder is strong.
I am pushed hard and involuntarily put my hands on the floor.
「What are you asking?」
「You seem disgruntled, so I thought I’d let you mark me more.」
「If that’s how you feel, get your hands off me.」
I can only assume that Sendai-san is trying to push me down for all intents and purposes. If it’s a mark on my neck, I can put it on without being pushed down. More to the point, it’s easier to put on Sendai-san if I push her down than if she pushes me down.
「Don’t you think it should be good for me as well as you, Miyagi?」
「I don’t think so.」
I tell her clearly, but more of Sendai-san’s weight is on my shoulders. She pushes me with all her might, and my back touches the floor, even though I don’t want to be comfortable while on the floor.
「Don’t worry, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do, Miyagi.」
Sendai-san grabs my hand.
Reflexively, I tried to pull my arm away, but she pulled me back. My hand was guided through the hem of the loose-fitting sweater she was wearing and into her clothes, my palm touching her smooth side.
「If I do it to you, Miyagi, you’ll be angry, so Miyagi should do it to me.」
「…You won’t get angry, Sendai-san?」
「I have no reason to be angry. I don’t care if it’s a mark.」
A soft voice invites me to call her softly, and I press my lips to her neck as we close the distance between us.
I suck hard and increase the red marks.
Sendai-san is not angry.
I slid my hand, placed at her side, down to her chest.
When I pressed lightly I felt hard bones, but soft and warm.
It feels good just to touch it.
Sendai-san is mine, so I can do anything I want as long as I don’t stop her from going to her part-time job. I can mark her, and she won’t be offended if I touch her. I can take off her clothes. Even her underwear——
I crawl my hand over her bra and wraps it around the soft bulge.
Sendai-san doesn’t resist, and I feel strongly that she is mine.
「You should touch it more properly.」
I hear her urging me to put my arms behind her back and crawl my fingers up the hooks of her bra.
But it’s Valentine’s Day. If something happens, I can easily find it today. There is no need to put a mark. It will stay in my memory until the date, just like at Christmas.
「Miyagi?」
I hear Sendai-san’s voice, but I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, so I put my hand flat on her back. I know that correctness is meaningless in a situation like this, but I can’t move my hand any further.
「I like being touched by you, so go on, Miyagi.」
I hear a voice as sweet as chocolate, and my heart thumps.
It seems like the right thing to do to continue as Sendai-san said, but I took my hand out of my clothes and touched her lips with my fingertips.
I lick her lips as she stares at me.
Sweet.
I put my lips together to see if it tastes like truffles, and Sendai-san’s tongue slips in. It was sweeter and more dizzying than the kiss I had just shared in the common space. I pushed Sendai’s shoulder as if we were something other than roommates.
「Miyagi.」
I can hear the discontent in her voice.
「…I won’t do it today.」
「When is a good time?」
「I don’t know, but it’s not today.」
Pulling on Sendai-san’s ear.
I don’t want to because if I make a promise, I’ll worry about that day. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to touch Sendai-san. But today is the kind of day that will be remembered well into the date, and I don’t want the sweetness of the chocolates we made together to be obscured.
「Move.」
Sendai-san’s face clouds over at the sound of my voice. But it was only for a moment, and soon she was back to her usual self. But she doesn’t move.
「…I’m not making any promises, but one day I will, so get out of my way.」
With that, I pushed Sendai-san’s shoulder and she followed my words.
