Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
A second is a long time.
I asked her how she felt about me, but Miyagi won’t speak.
I don’t think silence is good in these situations.
The air flow is different from usual, and the longer Miyagi is silent, the more I worry about the correctness of the words I have uttered.
I hold Miyagi’s hand, which I just touched with my lips.
I’m not sure if I should say something.
As I put strength into our joined hands, searching for the right words, Miyagi blurted out,
「…Get the crocodile out of the way.」
「The crocodile, you mean this one?」
When I look at the crocodile tissue cover straight up on the bed, she returns,「There’s no other crocodile but that one,」and our joined hands are untied. I get up and place the crocodile next to the platypus on the floor.
「Is this good?」
「That’s good. And close the curtains.」
「Alright.」
After patting the crocodile, which cannot serve as a tissue cover, and the platypus, which serves as a tissue cover, on the head, I close the curtains as I was told.
The lights are on, so the room is still bright.
「What should I do next?」
I ask, but Miyagi says nothing.
She wrinkles her brow and stares at the crocodile.
That’s not the face you make at a time like this.
I understand that she is just thinking about the answer to the question, but her face, which looks like she’s in a bad mood, is not appropriate for what she’s about to do. Since Miyagi told me「I will do it,」I should not be punished for looking a little softer.
「What do you do?」
When I asked again and sat down on the bed, Miyagi turned her face toward me, a face unworthy of what we do, and let out a small voice.
「Take off your clothes.」
「That’s fine, but only me?」
「Only you, Sendai-san.」
「You should undress too, Miyagi.」
「I don’t want to.」
I am the only one who takes off my clothes.
I always do.
She tries to undress only me.
「Aren’t we both supposed to take off our clothes in these situations?」
I kick Miyagi’s leg, which is still standing and not moving.
「I can do it without taking my clothes off.」
「So, I don’t have to take mine off, then?」
「Sendai-san, take off your clothes.」
She said it once and for all.
Miyagi has the right to say no, but I do not.
She once told me that if I didn’t like something, I should say I didn’t like it, but I know that nothing good will happen if I complain that I don’t like something in these situations. If I keep saying things that negate Miyagi’s words, she is bound to say she’s had enough or go back to her room and disappear from my presence.
Then there is only one thing to do.
I get up and take off my knit and skirt, just as Miyagi wants me to.
「This too.」
My camisole is pulled on and I take that off too. But Miyagi is not convinced.
「You still have something to take off.」
I looked at the clothes I had dropped on the floor and saw that I hadn’t folded them, but had left them there, looking rather fresh. I couldn’t help but be keenly aware of what I was about to do.
「I thought I was only supposed to take off my clothes?」
「I don’t remember.」
I can hear the lies that I can tell in an instant, but there is no point in arguing about what I said or didn’t say.
「What about the option of you taking off my clothes, Miyagi?」
「There isn’t one, so take it off yourself, Sendai-san.」
「I let you take it off before, didn’t you?」
When I had been given many marks on my body as a punishment, Miyagi ordered me to take off my clothes, just as she was doing now. Then she removed my bra, which was now only underwear.
That time and today overlap.
If that were the case, I would hope that she would undress me now as well.
Miyagi said she would do it, and she followed the correct procedure to get to this point. Taking off the other person’s clothes should be one of the correct steps. But Miyagi wouldn’t accept my words.
「Take it off yourself.」
I hear a hard voice and exhale a small breath.
「As I thought, why don’t you turn off the lights?」
「Why are you telling me this now? It’s not the first time you’ve taken off your clothes with lights on.」
「That’s true, but today is a little,」
——Embarrassing.
No, I’m not saying that I haven’t been embarrassed in the past, but today is different.
When I did this with Miyagi for the first time, I felt as if I had skipped three or four flights of stairs. After that, I think we, too, have skipped a few steps and moved on. But today, we are going up without skipping a single step.
「Sendai-san.」
Her small voice calls out.
As long as I don’t say no, there will always be what Miyagi wants and what I want ahead of us. It’s not an unknown future, but a certain future.
I can’t wait to move on.
But my heart is too loud.
Because I went to all the trouble to follow the right procedures to make this happen, my reason, which usually melts with passion, will not melt. Miyagi’s correctness coats my reason and tries to hold it inside my body.
Miyagi’s hand touches the strap of my bra.
Her fingertips press against it, but her hand doesn’t move from there.
Shs doesn’t try to shift it or unhook it. She just looks at me as if urging me on.
At times like this, reason gets in the way.
What I was able to do before will no longer be possible.
I am not comfortable with the idea of being naked in front of Miyagi.
「You’re being aggressive today… why?」
I ask questions that will not be answered.
I need time to accept a different situation than I have had before.
「Why does it matter?」
「Because I’m bothered with it.」
「You don’t need to worry about it.」
「No reason?」
「…Even I have times when I wish I could do something like this.」
「Eh?」
What did she just say?
What I heard were words that would never come out of Miyagi’s mouth.
「Miyagi, just now——」
「Sendai-san, shut up. Hurry up and take it off.」
I wanted to ask about the words I couldn’t believe my ears, but I was interrupted by a voice that was neither in a good nor a bad mood. Eventually, I had no choice but to answer「okay,」and with a small exhale, inhale, and try not to look at Miyagi’s face, I unhooked myself and took off my bra.
「Is this fine?」
There is no reply, but I feel her eyes on my exposed chest.
She is not reserved in such situations.
「…I don’t want you to look too hard.」
I drop my bra on top of the clothes overlapping at my feet.
I flatten myself against Miyagi to escape the gaze that is focused on my breasts.
「Let me look.」
My body was almost separated from the body that was attached to her shoulder when she pushed me and I hugged Miyagi.
「Why do you want to look?」
「Because you’re beautiful, Sendai-san.」
「I ate too much, I have a belly bump and I’m not beautiful.」
「Sendai-san is always beautiful!」
I really don’t understand Miyagi, because only at times like this do she say I’m so plainly beautiful. Since she doesn’t usually compliment me, I wish she would just let it slide like it was nothing. But the situation of Miyagi complimenting me is not so bad and my cheeks are hot.
「…Thank you about that.」
I give a small reply, and Miyagi’s hand caresses my waist. Her hand slides down to touch the last of the cloth covering me, and I push myself away from the body I’m attached to.
Above, below, all of it.
If I take it off and show it to Miyagi, my heart might break.
「Miyagi. I’m afraid this string is going to get in the way. Can’t you just take this off?」
Miyagi makes a blatantly unhappy face when I tug on the strings of her hoodie to fool her.
「I don’t want to.」
「You’ve taken so much off me, you should at least give a little concession.」
I tugged on the string again, and Miyagi looked like she had no choice but to take off her hoodie. Taking advantage of the opportunity, I grab her cut-and-sew and say,「Take this off too,」and I hear a low voice.
「You said it was just the hoodie. Sendai-san, lie down on the bed silently.」
Miyagi kicks me in the ankle. I have no choice but to turn the futon over and sit on the bed, and the lights are turned off without a word.
「… it’s somewhat bright」
Miyagi says in dissatisfaction.
「I’m sure it is. It’s bright outside.」
Although the curtains come with the claim that they block out outside light, the room is not completely dark. Through a gap in the closed curtains, the light from beyond the window is entering the room.
That’s why, I, was still embarrassed.
But Miyagi, who once blindfolded me, saying she didn’t want to be seen, even though she wasn’t the one being touched, didn’t ask me to take out my towel, only at times like this.
Even though Miyagi sees me, if the towel is depriving me of my own view, my embarrassment would be lost in the darkness, but she comes over to the bed without saying anything and pushes me down.
「…Can I kiss you?」
Miyagi says quietly and caresses my lips. I kissed her instead of saying okay, and she pressed my shoulders hard to stick me to the bed.
「I’ll do it myself.」
She assures me and I touched Miyagi’s cheek. When I silently closed my eyes, something soft touches my lips.
Once, twice.
She kisses me and bites my ear.
Not as boldly as usual, but softly.
Gently.
I could feel Miyagi’s body heat through my earlobes, and it felt good. Something warm and raw is pressed against me and my ears get wet. I hear Miyagi inhale and exhale, and my neck itches.
「Miyagi, it’s ticklish.」
「You don’t like it?」
「It’s not that I don’t like it, but…」
「Then, it’s fine.」
When she said this, Miyagi bites me on the neck, not the ear.
Her teeth bite into the skin.
I don’t know whether it feels good or hurts to feel her soft lips or her hard teeth.
If she’s going to be nice to me, she should be nice to me all the time, but I don’t want her to suddenly go back to the normal Miyagi. I don’t understand the point of making things slow and steady like this.
I grab Miyagi’s cut-and-sew with the same strength I felt in my neck.
I wish she would take this off.
The clothes covering Miyagi are like several walls between her and me. She accepts me, but she doesn’t forgive me for everything. I don’t ask that Miyagi be mine as I have become hers, but I do ask that her forgive me more.
「Miyagi.」
A small call, and a kiss is dropped where her teeth that were clenched would have left her marks. Then her tongue crawls.
「This, take it off.」
I pull the cut and sew so tight that it almost stretches.
「I don’t want to.」
Miyagi answers shortly and presses her lips to my neck.
The kiss is repeated several times, and then she sucks a little above the collarbone.
I stroke her shoulder over her cut-and-sew top.
I wonder how much more time Miyagi will take off these clothes.
When I move my hand to touch the same area she is marking, she grabs my wrist. She places it on the bed as if it is in the way and presses it against me.
There is nowhere for my hand to go.
She squeezed the sheets, let go, and Miyagi began to mark them with stupidly careful attention.
The border between the neck and shoulders, a little above the chest, many marks are made and filled with Miyagi. The small pain and the body heat coming from her lips pull at my feelings, and the coating that had made my rationality so strong is peeled away.
I reached out and comb Miyagi’s hair.
It feels nice and smooth.
I tugged on a strand of hair that clung to my fingertips, and Miyagi looked up.
「Can I touch it?」
I ask quietly, but clearly.
「Where?」
「Here.」
With her eyes on me, Miyagi slides her fingertips down and snuggles them against the tip of my chest.
You’re already touching them.
I can’t come up with such simple words.
The area where Miyagi’s fingertips are touching is a place I was trying not to be aware of, and that is supposed to be something I wouldn’t want people to see.
I move my body awkwardly and grab Miyagi’s hand at the end of my chest.
I can see her face from me, though the dimness that covers the room makes my vision closer to black and white. This means that Miyagi can see me in the same way and I’m not the only one——
I feel a lot of strength in strange places in my body.
The right action is not good action.
I become strangely conscious of Miyagi.
「Sendai-san, I want to touch you.」
Miyagi says in a whisper.
I know that she is taking good care of me in her own way. But checking is not all about treating people well. There are some things we don’t want to be bothered to confirm.
「You don’t have to check everything. Just do what you want to do, Miyagi.」
「Why shouldn’t you ask it?」
「I’m embarrassed to be asked.」
「But you’re always seem to be fine with it?」
「I’m not fine with it, and I’m always embarrassed. So don’t ask, just do what you want. I won’t stop you.」
「…I can touch you anywhere?」
「Yes.」
I answer in a small voice, and my eyes meet Miyagi’s.
In the all-black and white room, Miyagi’s eyes appear darker.
「Sendai-san.」
I think the hair is in the way.
Now I am the one who doesn’t want to be seen too much, but I would like to see Miyagi more often.
I reached up and tucked a strand of her slicked-back hair behind her ear. When I stroked her cheek and called her “Miyagi,” my hand flattened against the bottom of her collarbone.
It slowly slides over the skin and covers the chest.
Consciousness gathers to a point.
The hardened thing must be against Miyagi’s palm, and I almost stop breathing. The hot thing sticks to my neck and sucks on it. My hand moves gently to check the sensation and grabs Miyagi’s clothes again.
——I don’t remember feeling this good.
What was being done to me must not have been so different from the last time Miyagi did it to me. But it felt even better than before.
How was it then?
I’m ruminating to the point of stupefaction, but I can’t remember clearly.
I thought I remembered everything when Miyagi touched me and when I touched her, but I can’t find it. Maybe it was not a good idea to mix the correct memories with the falsified ones.
The Miyagi I created and the Miyagi that is here now are mixed up.
「Sendai-san.」
I hear a voice in my ear and gasp.
Miyagi’s fingertips caress the center of my chest.
The pressure is so strong that my body jerks without my permission. My exhale is shaky.
「Wait.」
Miyagi will not answer and will not wait.
Her lips touch the tip of my chest.
She licks and bites me carefully, like a cat grooming her fur.
「Nhn!」
My voice leaks out and I bite my lip.
I am no longer able to do what I used to be embarrassed about.
If I could touch Miyagi, she would’ve at least heard my voice, but now I don’t want her to hear my voice. I want to harden the reason that I wanted to dissolve so badly and hold it together in me. I don’t know what will happen to me if it disappears and is gone.
The tip of her tongue is pressed against it, and the teeth hit it.
Miyagi sucked hard and I involuntarily grabs her shoulder.
「Hold… on.」
It’s not something she shouldn’t have done, and it’s something I wish she had done, but my feelings can’t keep up.
Breathing becomes shallow.
Inhale, exhale, inhale.
Conscious and regulated.
My reason, with its coating peeled off, is about to dissolve into sludge, to no avail.
「Miyagi…」
A gravelly voice comes out and I bite my lip again.
I don’t want to make a sound.
But I want to stop Miyagi.
「Stop… it.」
She should’ve been able to hear me, but her lips never left my chest as they assimilated into my chest. I grabbed her shoulders tightly and Miyagi looked up at me.
「…Sendai-san, you said I can touch anywhere.」
「I didn’t say it was okay to lick me.」
Miyagi says in a low voice,「Liar,」and loosely strokes with her fingertips the area where her lips had been pressed together earlier.
「Miyagi, I told you… stop it.」
This is bad, I think.
The nerves are concentrated only on the part of Miyagi that is touching.
The sensation is multiplied many times over and the feeling is amplified.
「Why, there, idiot…」
Miyagi doesn’t answer.
Her fingertips keep moving, and a voice escapes my lips that I can’t let her hear.
I think this is the right reaction, because she’s doing an act that makes me feel good. But my body is reacting too much. Just because I have always wanted to do this kind of thing with Miyagi doesn’t mean that I should feel so good just because she is touching my breasts.
I think so, but I can’t control my running body by my own will.
The back of my body is hot.
There are places I want more touch.
I grab the hand on my chest and force it to stop.
「That part is already good.」
「Why?」
「Move ahead.」
I whisper in her ear.
「Ahead?」
「Are you asking me that on purpose?」
I place the hand that grabs me around the bottom of my ribs.
I squeeze and then slide that hand down a little more.
What I want her to do isn’t an act that she must do, but I would like to do it as often as possible. Miyagi and countless others, and I hope to be bored with it.
That’s because this is an act that my roommate would not do.
Miyagi, who wants to be my roommate, does what roommates don’t. That means a lot to me.
「…Make me feel better, please.」
I tell Miyagi in a voice she can hear, but not too loud. There is no reply, but her hand slowly moves into my underwear. I don’t want Miyagi to see my face because I know what’s going on there, but I don’t avert my gaze. If I close my eyes or remove my gaze, I will not be able to see Miyagi who touches me.
Miyagi’s fingers slide between my legs as she peels off the underwear that is sticking to my body. Then the fingertips reach the part she wanted to touch and begin to move loosely.
「Does it feel good?」
I hear a voice that is almost snatched away.
「Ye–ah.」
「…Than by doing it yourself?」
The reason that has melted in my body flows out as if guided by Miyagi’s fingers. What overflows from me stains Miyagi and smoothes the movement of her fingertips.
「Miyagi is better.」
As if in response to my words, a finger is pressed hard against me.
My voice leaks out before I can bite my lip.
When Miyagi’s body warmth is in a place that only Miyagi allows, I can feel her fondness for me, which she must be fond of me, but doesn’t show it at all.
I think so because this should be an act that only I would do, not something that anyone else would do.
「Miyagi.」
I grabs her clothes and calls out.
Miyagi’s breathing quickens a little.
Her lips are pressed against my neck and she bites my ear.
My throbbing desire overflows, and Miyagi’s fingertips become wet.
I am showing myself that I show no one else.
「…Shiori.」
When I call out in a small voice, our eyes meet and I can tell that her cheeks are red, even though I can’t see the color clearly. I tell her that she is「cute.」
「You don’t have to say that.」
「You’re… cute.」
「Shut up.」
As she said this, Miyagi’s fingertips slide down and rub up hard. My hips almost bounce, and I grab the sheets. As if to relax her stiffened body, Miyagi’s body heat slowly stops downward and starts moving awkwardly again. Then, as if searching for something, she continues to wander around as if lost.
「Go ahead.」
I pull on Miyagi’s arm and tells her.
「…What is?」
Her wandering fingertips stop.
「You can do, what you want to do, Miyagi.」
What her fingertips are hesitating to do.
It’s the act of entering my body, an act she will never stop. But her fingertips remain stationary and unmoving.
「I am yours, Miyagi. ——Check everything about me.」
「Everything?」
「Yes, everything. Tell me I belong to you, Miyagi.」
Miyagi lets out a small breath.
She asks me if it’s okay, and tugs on my arm again.
Her fingers begin to move, slowly, carefully, as if handling something that will break if touched, and Miyagi’s body heat enters me. The sensation of something other than myself mixing with me pulls at my body, making it difficult to breathe properly.
Inhale and exhale.
Such a simple thing feels difficult.
I look at Miyagi’s face.
She looks somewhat difficult and elated. I’m not sure. But I’m sure that Miyagi is looking at me, and I am happy about that.
The body heat, which is not mine, continues to move impatiently and slowly toward the back, and my body accepts Miyagi, which should be nothing but a foreign object, with a stupefying ease.
Of course, there is resistance to what is not me. I recognize that my body is something different. By Miyagi, who is not me, entering me, I know that I and Miyagi are strangers, but closer than anyone else. The boundary between me and Miyagi is blurring more and more, yet no matter how far I go, I am still me and Miyagi is still Miyagi. But that is why I feel a strong connection with Miyagi.
「Miyagi…」
I call her to confirm.
Miyagi, like a stray cat, gently entered my gaping high school years and slowly became familiar with me, making me who I am. Without her, I think I would be living in a monochrome world full of fake smiles.
That is why I don’t want to let Miyagi go.
「Are you okay?」
I hear an anxious voice and look at Miyagi.
Her eyes look away, but then she quickly looks at me again.
I put my hands around Miyagi’s back and hug her so I know better than to reply.
I don’t know which finger is the one that is mingling with mine.
It just feels good.
I wish I could tell her that.
「…Am I doing it right?」
My unreliable voice calls out to「Mi–yagi.」
Properly, or doing it.
That is not the point.
Whatever Miyagi does is fine.
「Mo–re…」
Do it.
All the way.
To the point of breaking me.
Miyagi, who shouldn’t know how much to add or subtract, quietly moves her fingers even though she thinks so.
The part of me that is deeply mixed with Miyagi is more honest than I am, and she catches Miyagi and won’t let go. I tell her that I want to mix with her more.
I would like to give more to Miyagi than I do now.
I want Miyagi to know more than I do now.
I am disgustingly greedy and disgustingly in search of Miyagi.
Slowly my body temperature approaches and then fades away.
Emotions that I cannot keep inside me overflow and stain Miyagi.
Outside my body, Miyagi’s fingertips touch an area where nerves have gathered and become too sensitive.
I don’t know how to breathe.
I have trouble breathing.
Miyagi is touching me inside and outside my body.
I try to tell her how good it feels to have my nails on her back, but it doesn’t work because Miyagi clipped my nails too much. I can’t get my claws in, so I sink my teeth into her neck like Miyagi has done in the past.
Hard, hard, hard enough to leave a mark for the rest of her life.
「It, hurts.」
Miyagi says bitterly and stops her hand.
Miyagi is really an idiot who only thinks about leaving marks on me.
She should remember what she did when she touched me. What kind of situation was I in when I set my teeth and clawed her.
「I’m already, closing in…」
I whisper in her ear and sweetly bites her earlobe with each plumeria earring. Miyagi’s fingers press hard against the piercing as she touches it with the tip of her tongue.
「Sendai-san.」
A pleasant voice shakes my eardrums.
Miyagi connects with me deeply.
I beg, coaxing my body to move on its own.
「Call me, more.」
Her small voice calls me Sendai-san.
Hazuki.
I want her to call me that, but I don’t have time to say it out loud.
“Sendai-san,” she called repeatedly, pulling a lump of heat out of the depths of my body. I hug Miyagi tightly, feeling good, in pain, and wanting her to release me as soon as possible.
The body temperatures in the center of our bodies mingle strongly.
「Shi–ori.」
The name that I might call this bed came out of my mouth unconsciously and disappeared into the darkness, and my body slumped like a crocodile rolling on the floor.
Dimly.
For a few minutes.
Breathing.
I shift my gaze from the ceiling of the dimly lit room to Miyagi lying next to me and tug at her clothes.
「Sendai-san, it’s stretching.」
「If you don’t want to it stretched, hug me.」
It was what I wanted to do, but I let Miyagi do what she wanted.
So, I think this level of selfishness is acceptable.
「…My hands are dirty.」
「It’s fine.」
「It’s not fine. You’re going to get dirty, Sendai-san.」
「Don’t worry about it because I’m the one who defiled it. It just comes back to me.」
My body is dirty anyway.
It’s sticky, sludgy, and disgusting.
But I don’t want to wipe it off because Miyagi gave it to me.
「But…」
I grab Miyagi’s wrist and kiss her dirty fingertips.
「Sendai-san!」
「It’s fine, it’s mine, not from you, Miyagi.」
「It’s not fine…」
Miyagi tries to push me away and her hand sticks to my chest. The slimy substance stuck to the surface, and Miyagi let out a muffled「ah!」.
「You don’t have to worry about it.」
I grab her dirty hand and pull her closer, and Miyagi puts her forehead on my shoulder.
「…Hazuki, you’re mine, right?」
I almost catch my breath when she called me a name that is rarely called.
「Yes.」
I answer the question asked many times, as I always do, but even with such a deep connection, I cannot prove that I belong to Miyagi. I think that is why Miyagi asks me so many times.
If I want to quickly prove that I belong to Miyagi, I’ll just go around telling everyone around me that「Sendai Hazuki is Miyagi Shiori’s property.」To Utsunomiya, to Mio, and to the rest of the world. If people know that I belong to Miyagi, they will treat it as「Sendai Hazuki belongs to Miyagi Shiori,」and as the number of such people increases, the fact that I belong to Miyagi will build up.
Recognition strengthens the relationship.
But we are only roommates, we are not allowed to take that approach.
「The Sendai-san like this, don’t show this to anyone.」
The call goes back to the original.
「Okay.」
「Also, I don’t care who you are with or where you are, just remember that you’re mine.」
「Okay.」
I grab Miyagi’s clothes.
Oblate wrapping around her.
The thing that separates her from me.
Perhaps only repeated acts like this will get rid of it.
If we could say the one phrase, “I love you,” we might be able to fill the gap that still exists between us, but there is also the possibility that the oblate could become drawing paper or iron.
「You’re cute, Miyagi.」
Instead of telling her that I like her, I say the words that correctly describe the scene in front of her.
「Shut up.」
Sticky hands press me.
So I hugged Miyagi tightly so that she wouldn’t be far away from me.
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
A second is a long time.
I asked her how she felt about me, but Miyagi won’t speak.
I don’t think silence is good in these situations.
The air flow is different from usual, and the longer Miyagi is silent, the more I worry about the correctness of the words I have uttered.
I hold Miyagi’s hand, which I just touched with my lips.
I’m not sure if I should say something.
As I put strength into our joined hands, searching for the right words, Miyagi blurted out,
「…Get the crocodile out of the way.」
「The crocodile, you mean this one?」
When I look at the crocodile tissue cover straight up on the bed, she returns,「There’s no other crocodile but that one,」and our joined hands are untied. I get up and place the crocodile next to the platypus on the floor.
「Is this good?」
「That’s good. And close the curtains.」
「Alright.」
After patting the crocodile, which cannot serve as a tissue cover, and the platypus, which serves as a tissue cover, on the head, I close the curtains as I was told.
The lights are on, so the room is still bright.
「What should I do next?」
I ask, but Miyagi says nothing.
She wrinkles her brow and stares at the crocodile.
That’s not the face you make at a time like this.
I understand that she is just thinking about the answer to the question, but her face, which looks like she’s in a bad mood, is not appropriate for what she’s about to do. Since Miyagi told me「I will do it,」I should not be punished for looking a little softer.
「What do you do?」
When I asked again and sat down on the bed, Miyagi turned her face toward me, a face unworthy of what we do, and let out a small voice.
「Take off your clothes.」
「That’s fine, but only me?」
「Only you, Sendai-san.」
「You should undress too, Miyagi.」
「I don’t want to.」
I am the only one who takes off my clothes.
I always do.
She tries to undress only me.
「Aren’t we both supposed to take off our clothes in these situations?」
I kick Miyagi’s leg, which is still standing and not moving.
「I can do it without taking my clothes off.」
「So, I don’t have to take mine off, then?」
「Sendai-san, take off your clothes.」
She said it once and for all.
Miyagi has the right to say no, but I do not.
She once told me that if I didn’t like something, I should say I didn’t like it, but I know that nothing good will happen if I complain that I don’t like something in these situations. If I keep saying things that negate Miyagi’s words, she is bound to say she’s had enough or go back to her room and disappear from my presence.
Then there is only one thing to do.
I get up and take off my knit and skirt, just as Miyagi wants me to.
「This too.」
My camisole is pulled on and I take that off too. But Miyagi is not convinced.
「You still have something to take off.」
I looked at the clothes I had dropped on the floor and saw that I hadn’t folded them, but had left them there, looking rather fresh. I couldn’t help but be keenly aware of what I was about to do.
「I thought I was only supposed to take off my clothes?」
「I don’t remember.」
I can hear the lies that I can tell in an instant, but there is no point in arguing about what I said or didn’t say.
「What about the option of you taking off my clothes, Miyagi?」
「There isn’t one, so take it off yourself, Sendai-san.」
「I let you take it off before, didn’t you?」
When I had been given many marks on my body as a punishment, Miyagi ordered me to take off my clothes, just as she was doing now. Then she removed my bra, which was now only underwear.
That time and today overlap.
If that were the case, I would hope that she would undress me now as well.
Miyagi said she would do it, and she followed the correct procedure to get to this point. Taking off the other person’s clothes should be one of the correct steps. But Miyagi wouldn’t accept my words.
「Take it off yourself.」
I hear a hard voice and exhale a small breath.
「As I thought, why don’t you turn off the lights?」
「Why are you telling me this now? It’s not the first time you’ve taken off your clothes with lights on.」
「That’s true, but today is a little,」
——Embarrassing.
No, I’m not saying that I haven’t been embarrassed in the past, but today is different.
When I did this with Miyagi for the first time, I felt as if I had skipped three or four flights of stairs. After that, I think we, too, have skipped a few steps and moved on. But today, we are going up without skipping a single step.
「Sendai-san.」
Her small voice calls out.
As long as I don’t say no, there will always be what Miyagi wants and what I want ahead of us. It’s not an unknown future, but a certain future.
I can’t wait to move on.
But my heart is too loud.
Because I went to all the trouble to follow the right procedures to make this happen, my reason, which usually melts with passion, will not melt. Miyagi’s correctness coats my reason and tries to hold it inside my body.
Miyagi’s hand touches the strap of my bra.
Her fingertips press against it, but her hand doesn’t move from there.
Shs doesn’t try to shift it or unhook it. She just looks at me as if urging me on.
At times like this, reason gets in the way.
What I was able to do before will no longer be possible.
I am not comfortable with the idea of being naked in front of Miyagi.
「You’re being aggressive today… why?」
I ask questions that will not be answered.
I need time to accept a different situation than I have had before.
「Why does it matter?」
「Because I’m bothered with it.」
「You don’t need to worry about it.」
「No reason?」
「…Even I have times when I wish I could do something like this.」
「Eh?」
What did she just say?
What I heard were words that would never come out of Miyagi’s mouth.
「Miyagi, just now——」
「Sendai-san, shut up. Hurry up and take it off.」
I wanted to ask about the words I couldn’t believe my ears, but I was interrupted by a voice that was neither in a good nor a bad mood. Eventually, I had no choice but to answer「okay,」and with a small exhale, inhale, and try not to look at Miyagi’s face, I unhooked myself and took off my bra.
「Is this fine?」
There is no reply, but I feel her eyes on my exposed chest.
She is not reserved in such situations.
「…I don’t want you to look too hard.」
I drop my bra on top of the clothes overlapping at my feet.
I flatten myself against Miyagi to escape the gaze that is focused on my breasts.
「Let me look.」
My body was almost separated from the body that was attached to her shoulder when she pushed me and I hugged Miyagi.
「Why do you want to look?」
「Because you’re beautiful, Sendai-san.」
「I ate too much, I have a belly bump and I’m not beautiful.」
「Sendai-san is always beautiful!」
I really don’t understand Miyagi, because only at times like this do she say I’m so plainly beautiful. Since she doesn’t usually compliment me, I wish she would just let it slide like it was nothing. But the situation of Miyagi complimenting me is not so bad and my cheeks are hot.
「…Thank you about that.」
I give a small reply, and Miyagi’s hand caresses my waist. Her hand slides down to touch the last of the cloth covering me, and I push myself away from the body I’m attached to.
Above, below, all of it.
If I take it off and show it to Miyagi, my heart might break.
「Miyagi. I’m afraid this string is going to get in the way. Can’t you just take this off?」
Miyagi makes a blatantly unhappy face when I tug on the strings of her hoodie to fool her.
「I don’t want to.」
「You’ve taken so much off me, you should at least give a little concession.」
I tugged on the string again, and Miyagi looked like she had no choice but to take off her hoodie. Taking advantage of the opportunity, I grab her cut-and-sew and say,「Take this off too,」and I hear a low voice.
「You said it was just the hoodie. Sendai-san, lie down on the bed silently.」
Miyagi kicks me in the ankle. I have no choice but to turn the futon over and sit on the bed, and the lights are turned off without a word.
「… it’s somewhat bright」
Miyagi says in dissatisfaction.
「I’m sure it is. It’s bright outside.」
Although the curtains come with the claim that they block out outside light, the room is not completely dark. Through a gap in the closed curtains, the light from beyond the window is entering the room.
That’s why, I, was still embarrassed.
But Miyagi, who once blindfolded me, saying she didn’t want to be seen, even though she wasn’t the one being touched, didn’t ask me to take out my towel, only at times like this.
Even though Miyagi sees me, if the towel is depriving me of my own view, my embarrassment would be lost in the darkness, but she comes over to the bed without saying anything and pushes me down.
「…Can I kiss you?」
Miyagi says quietly and caresses my lips. I kissed her instead of saying okay, and she pressed my shoulders hard to stick me to the bed.
「I’ll do it myself.」
She assures me and I touched Miyagi’s cheek. When I silently closed my eyes, something soft touches my lips.
Once, twice.
She kisses me and bites my ear.
Not as boldly as usual, but softly.
Gently.
I could feel Miyagi’s body heat through my earlobes, and it felt good. Something warm and raw is pressed against me and my ears get wet. I hear Miyagi inhale and exhale, and my neck itches.
「Miyagi, it’s ticklish.」
「You don’t like it?」
「It’s not that I don’t like it, but…」
「Then, it’s fine.」
When she said this, Miyagi bites me on the neck, not the ear.
Her teeth bite into the skin.
I don’t know whether it feels good or hurts to feel her soft lips or her hard teeth.
If she’s going to be nice to me, she should be nice to me all the time, but I don’t want her to suddenly go back to the normal Miyagi. I don’t understand the point of making things slow and steady like this.
I grab Miyagi’s cut-and-sew with the same strength I felt in my neck.
I wish she would take this off.
The clothes covering Miyagi are like several walls between her and me. She accepts me, but she doesn’t forgive me for everything. I don’t ask that Miyagi be mine as I have become hers, but I do ask that her forgive me more.
「Miyagi.」
A small call, and a kiss is dropped where her teeth that were clenched would have left her marks. Then her tongue crawls.
「This, take it off.」
I pull the cut and sew so tight that it almost stretches.
「I don’t want to.」
Miyagi answers shortly and presses her lips to my neck.
The kiss is repeated several times, and then she sucks a little above the collarbone.
I stroke her shoulder over her cut-and-sew top.
I wonder how much more time Miyagi will take off these clothes.
When I move my hand to touch the same area she is marking, she grabs my wrist. She places it on the bed as if it is in the way and presses it against me.
There is nowhere for my hand to go.
She squeezed the sheets, let go, and Miyagi began to mark them with stupidly careful attention.
The border between the neck and shoulders, a little above the chest, many marks are made and filled with Miyagi. The small pain and the body heat coming from her lips pull at my feelings, and the coating that had made my rationality so strong is peeled away.
I reached out and comb Miyagi’s hair.
It feels nice and smooth.
I tugged on a strand of hair that clung to my fingertips, and Miyagi looked up.
「Can I touch it?」
I ask quietly, but clearly.
「Where?」
「Here.」
With her eyes on me, Miyagi slides her fingertips down and snuggles them against the tip of my chest.
You’re already touching them.
I can’t come up with such simple words.
The area where Miyagi’s fingertips are touching is a place I was trying not to be aware of, and that is supposed to be something I wouldn’t want people to see.
I move my body awkwardly and grab Miyagi’s hand at the end of my chest.
I can see her face from me, though the dimness that covers the room makes my vision closer to black and white. This means that Miyagi can see me in the same way and I’m not the only one——
I feel a lot of strength in strange places in my body.
The right action is not good action.
I become strangely conscious of Miyagi.
「Sendai-san, I want to touch you.」
Miyagi says in a whisper.
I know that she is taking good care of me in her own way. But checking is not all about treating people well. There are some things we don’t want to be bothered to confirm.
「You don’t have to check everything. Just do what you want to do, Miyagi.」
「Why shouldn’t you ask it?」
「I’m embarrassed to be asked.」
「But you’re always seem to be fine with it?」
「I’m not fine with it, and I’m always embarrassed. So don’t ask, just do what you want. I won’t stop you.」
「…I can touch you anywhere?」
「Yes.」
I answer in a small voice, and my eyes meet Miyagi’s.
In the all-black and white room, Miyagi’s eyes appear darker.
「Sendai-san.」
I think the hair is in the way.
Now I am the one who doesn’t want to be seen too much, but I would like to see Miyagi more often.
I reached up and tucked a strand of her slicked-back hair behind her ear. When I stroked her cheek and called her “Miyagi,” my hand flattened against the bottom of her collarbone.
It slowly slides over the skin and covers the chest.
Consciousness gathers to a point.
The hardened thing must be against Miyagi’s palm, and I almost stop breathing. The hot thing sticks to my neck and sucks on it. My hand moves gently to check the sensation and grabs Miyagi’s clothes again.
——I don’t remember feeling this good.
What was being done to me must not have been so different from the last time Miyagi did it to me. But it felt even better than before.
How was it then?
I’m ruminating to the point of stupefaction, but I can’t remember clearly.
I thought I remembered everything when Miyagi touched me and when I touched her, but I can’t find it. Maybe it was not a good idea to mix the correct memories with the falsified ones.
The Miyagi I created and the Miyagi that is here now are mixed up.
「Sendai-san.」
I hear a voice in my ear and gasp.
Miyagi’s fingertips caress the center of my chest.
The pressure is so strong that my body jerks without my permission. My exhale is shaky.
「Wait.」
Miyagi will not answer and will not wait.
Her lips touch the tip of my chest.
She licks and bites me carefully, like a cat grooming her fur.
「Nhn!」
My voice leaks out and I bite my lip.
I am no longer able to do what I used to be embarrassed about.
If I could touch Miyagi, she would’ve at least heard my voice, but now I don’t want her to hear my voice. I want to harden the reason that I wanted to dissolve so badly and hold it together in me. I don’t know what will happen to me if it disappears and is gone.
The tip of her tongue is pressed against it, and the teeth hit it.
Miyagi sucked hard and I involuntarily grabs her shoulder.
「Hold… on.」
It’s not something she shouldn’t have done, and it’s something I wish she had done, but my feelings can’t keep up.
Breathing becomes shallow.
Inhale, exhale, inhale.
Conscious and regulated.
My reason, with its coating peeled off, is about to dissolve into sludge, to no avail.
「Miyagi…」
A gravelly voice comes out and I bite my lip again.
I don’t want to make a sound.
But I want to stop Miyagi.
「Stop… it.」
She should’ve been able to hear me, but her lips never left my chest as they assimilated into my chest. I grabbed her shoulders tightly and Miyagi looked up at me.
「…Sendai-san, you said I can touch anywhere.」
「I didn’t say it was okay to lick me.」
Miyagi says in a low voice,「Liar,」and loosely strokes with her fingertips the area where her lips had been pressed together earlier.
「Miyagi, I told you… stop it.」
This is bad, I think.
The nerves are concentrated only on the part of Miyagi that is touching.
The sensation is multiplied many times over and the feeling is amplified.
「Why, there, idiot…」
Miyagi doesn’t answer.
Her fingertips keep moving, and a voice escapes my lips that I can’t let her hear.
I think this is the right reaction, because she’s doing an act that makes me feel good. But my body is reacting too much. Just because I have always wanted to do this kind of thing with Miyagi doesn’t mean that I should feel so good just because she is touching my breasts.
I think so, but I can’t control my running body by my own will.
The back of my body is hot.
There are places I want more touch.
I grab the hand on my chest and force it to stop.
「That part is already good.」
「Why?」
「Move ahead.」
I whisper in her ear.
「Ahead?」
「Are you asking me that on purpose?」
I place the hand that grabs me around the bottom of my ribs.
I squeeze and then slide that hand down a little more.
What I want her to do isn’t an act that she must do, but I would like to do it as often as possible. Miyagi and countless others, and I hope to be bored with it.
That’s because this is an act that my roommate would not do.
Miyagi, who wants to be my roommate, does what roommates don’t. That means a lot to me.
「…Make me feel better, please.」
I tell Miyagi in a voice she can hear, but not too loud. There is no reply, but her hand slowly moves into my underwear. I don’t want Miyagi to see my face because I know what’s going on there, but I don’t avert my gaze. If I close my eyes or remove my gaze, I will not be able to see Miyagi who touches me.
Miyagi’s fingers slide between my legs as she peels off the underwear that is sticking to my body. Then the fingertips reach the part she wanted to touch and begin to move loosely.
「Does it feel good?」
I hear a voice that is almost snatched away.
「Ye–ah.」
「…Than by doing it yourself?」
The reason that has melted in my body flows out as if guided by Miyagi’s fingers. What overflows from me stains Miyagi and smoothes the movement of her fingertips.
「Miyagi is better.」
As if in response to my words, a finger is pressed hard against me.
My voice leaks out before I can bite my lip.
When Miyagi’s body warmth is in a place that only Miyagi allows, I can feel her fondness for me, which she must be fond of me, but doesn’t show it at all.
I think so because this should be an act that only I would do, not something that anyone else would do.
「Miyagi.」
I grabs her clothes and calls out.
Miyagi’s breathing quickens a little.
Her lips are pressed against my neck and she bites my ear.
My throbbing desire overflows, and Miyagi’s fingertips become wet.
I am showing myself that I show no one else.
「…Shiori.」
When I call out in a small voice, our eyes meet and I can tell that her cheeks are red, even though I can’t see the color clearly. I tell her that she is「cute.」
「You don’t have to say that.」
「You’re… cute.」
「Shut up.」
As she said this, Miyagi’s fingertips slide down and rub up hard. My hips almost bounce, and I grab the sheets. As if to relax her stiffened body, Miyagi’s body heat slowly stops downward and starts moving awkwardly again. Then, as if searching for something, she continues to wander around as if lost.
「Go ahead.」
I pull on Miyagi’s arm and tells her.
「…What is?」
Her wandering fingertips stop.
「You can do, what you want to do, Miyagi.」
What her fingertips are hesitating to do.
It’s the act of entering my body, an act she will never stop. But her fingertips remain stationary and unmoving.
「I am yours, Miyagi. ——Check everything about me.」
「Everything?」
「Yes, everything. Tell me I belong to you, Miyagi.」
Miyagi lets out a small breath.
She asks me if it’s okay, and tugs on my arm again.
Her fingers begin to move, slowly, carefully, as if handling something that will break if touched, and Miyagi’s body heat enters me. The sensation of something other than myself mixing with me pulls at my body, making it difficult to breathe properly.
Inhale and exhale.
Such a simple thing feels difficult.
I look at Miyagi’s face.
She looks somewhat difficult and elated. I’m not sure. But I’m sure that Miyagi is looking at me, and I am happy about that.
The body heat, which is not mine, continues to move impatiently and slowly toward the back, and my body accepts Miyagi, which should be nothing but a foreign object, with a stupefying ease.
Of course, there is resistance to what is not me. I recognize that my body is something different. By Miyagi, who is not me, entering me, I know that I and Miyagi are strangers, but closer than anyone else. The boundary between me and Miyagi is blurring more and more, yet no matter how far I go, I am still me and Miyagi is still Miyagi. But that is why I feel a strong connection with Miyagi.
「Miyagi…」
I call her to confirm.
Miyagi, like a stray cat, gently entered my gaping high school years and slowly became familiar with me, making me who I am. Without her, I think I would be living in a monochrome world full of fake smiles.
That is why I don’t want to let Miyagi go.
「Are you okay?」
I hear an anxious voice and look at Miyagi.
Her eyes look away, but then she quickly looks at me again.
I put my hands around Miyagi’s back and hug her so I know better than to reply.
I don’t know which finger is the one that is mingling with mine.
It just feels good.
I wish I could tell her that.
「…Am I doing it right?」
My unreliable voice calls out to「Mi–yagi.」
Properly, or doing it.
That is not the point.
Whatever Miyagi does is fine.
「Mo–re…」
Do it.
All the way.
To the point of breaking me.
Miyagi, who shouldn’t know how much to add or subtract, quietly moves her fingers even though she thinks so.
The part of me that is deeply mixed with Miyagi is more honest than I am, and she catches Miyagi and won’t let go. I tell her that I want to mix with her more.
I would like to give more to Miyagi than I do now.
I want Miyagi to know more than I do now.
I am disgustingly greedy and disgustingly in search of Miyagi.
Slowly my body temperature approaches and then fades away.
Emotions that I cannot keep inside me overflow and stain Miyagi.
Outside my body, Miyagi’s fingertips touch an area where nerves have gathered and become too sensitive.
I don’t know how to breathe.
I have trouble breathing.
Miyagi is touching me inside and outside my body.
I try to tell her how good it feels to have my nails on her back, but it doesn’t work because Miyagi clipped my nails too much. I can’t get my claws in, so I sink my teeth into her neck like Miyagi has done in the past.
Hard, hard, hard enough to leave a mark for the rest of her life.
「It, hurts.」
Miyagi says bitterly and stops her hand.
Miyagi is really an idiot who only thinks about leaving marks on me.
She should remember what she did when she touched me. What kind of situation was I in when I set my teeth and clawed her.
「I’m already, closing in…」
I whisper in her ear and sweetly bites her earlobe with each plumeria earring. Miyagi’s fingers press hard against the piercing as she touches it with the tip of her tongue.
「Sendai-san.」
A pleasant voice shakes my eardrums.
Miyagi connects with me deeply.
I beg, coaxing my body to move on its own.
「Call me, more.」
Her small voice calls me Sendai-san.
Hazuki.
I want her to call me that, but I don’t have time to say it out loud.
“Sendai-san,” she called repeatedly, pulling a lump of heat out of the depths of my body. I hug Miyagi tightly, feeling good, in pain, and wanting her to release me as soon as possible.
The body temperatures in the center of our bodies mingle strongly.
「Shi–ori.」
The name that I might call this bed came out of my mouth unconsciously and disappeared into the darkness, and my body slumped like a crocodile rolling on the floor.
Dimly.
For a few minutes.
Breathing.
I shift my gaze from the ceiling of the dimly lit room to Miyagi lying next to me and tug at her clothes.
「Sendai-san, it’s stretching.」
「If you don’t want to it stretched, hug me.」
It was what I wanted to do, but I let Miyagi do what she wanted.
So, I think this level of selfishness is acceptable.
「…My hands are dirty.」
「It’s fine.」
「It’s not fine. You’re going to get dirty, Sendai-san.」
「Don’t worry about it because I’m the one who defiled it. It just comes back to me.」
My body is dirty anyway.
It’s sticky, sludgy, and disgusting.
But I don’t want to wipe it off because Miyagi gave it to me.
「But…」
I grab Miyagi’s wrist and kiss her dirty fingertips.
「Sendai-san!」
「It’s fine, it’s mine, not from you, Miyagi.」
「It’s not fine…」
Miyagi tries to push me away and her hand sticks to my chest. The slimy substance stuck to the surface, and Miyagi let out a muffled「ah!」.
「You don’t have to worry about it.」
I grab her dirty hand and pull her closer, and Miyagi puts her forehead on my shoulder.
「…Hazuki, you’re mine, right?」
I almost catch my breath when she called me a name that is rarely called.
「Yes.」
I answer the question asked many times, as I always do, but even with such a deep connection, I cannot prove that I belong to Miyagi. I think that is why Miyagi asks me so many times.
If I want to quickly prove that I belong to Miyagi, I’ll just go around telling everyone around me that「Sendai Hazuki is Miyagi Shiori’s property.」To Utsunomiya, to Mio, and to the rest of the world. If people know that I belong to Miyagi, they will treat it as「Sendai Hazuki belongs to Miyagi Shiori,」and as the number of such people increases, the fact that I belong to Miyagi will build up.
Recognition strengthens the relationship.
But we are only roommates, we are not allowed to take that approach.
「The Sendai-san like this, don’t show this to anyone.」
The call goes back to the original.
「Okay.」
「Also, I don’t care who you are with or where you are, just remember that you’re mine.」
「Okay.」
I grab Miyagi’s clothes.
Oblate wrapping around her.
The thing that separates her from me.
Perhaps only repeated acts like this will get rid of it.
If we could say the one phrase, “I love you,” we might be able to fill the gap that still exists between us, but there is also the possibility that the oblate could become drawing paper or iron.
「You’re cute, Miyagi.」
Instead of telling her that I like her, I say the words that correctly describe the scene in front of her.
「Shut up.」
Sticky hands press me.
So I hugged Miyagi tightly so that she wouldn’t be far away from me.
