Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
Late.
Sendai-san has not returned from the bathroom.
I circled around the table in the common space, then exhaled.
Difficult to meet face to face.
It’s hard to talk to each other.
Today, I was the one who said「to do it」on Sendai-san, and I did what I wanted to do, but the Sendai-san I saw earlier was different from the Sendai-san I had seen before, so I feel as if even I have become a different person from the one I have become.
If I could, I would like to escape from this house and go somewhere else. But if I run away, I don’t know if Sendai-san will go somewhere else.
I don’t want my property to become something I don’t know, without my knowledge.
So I have to stay here, even if I am embarrassed, and I have to keep an eye on Sendai-san.
And yet, Sendai-san has not returned.
She asked me what I was going to do for dinner, and I told her that a cup of ramen was fine, something I don’t usually say, and then she disappeared into the bathroom.
I wish I had timed it and measured it out like a cup of ramen. If I had a time limit of forty-five or sixty minutes, all I had to do was spend time looking at the clock. I didn’t have to worry about silly things like when she would be back from the bathroom.
I knock over and poke the right-hand container of the two cup noodles I have prepared on the table. The vertical container rolls over to the edge of the table. It stopped before it hit the floor.
「…Absolutely late.」
I place the lying cup noodles on top of the cup noodles I did not knock over.
It feels like it has been over an hour already.
Maybe she’s collapsed in the bathroom.
I think that if I keep waiting here, it might be too late. So I should go and see what’s going on. If nothing happened, it was fine, and if something happened, it would have been worth the trip to the bathroom.
I leave the common space.
I walk down the short hallway and stare at the bathroom door.
I have never opened this door when Sendai-san is taking a bath, nor have I ever thought of doing so.
「I’m just concerned.」
I mumbled a small mumble and exhales.
This is not wrong and is the right thing to do as roommates.
I don’t want Sendai-san to be sick.
She catches colds more easily than I do and has been in bed twice that I know of. I don’t think she is weak, but she is not robust. I’m only worried because she’s like that who doesn’t come out of the bathroom.
That’s all, there is no deeper meaning.
「I’m opening this.」
I head for the washroom, mouthing words that make no sense even if I say them, then open the door. Naturally, Sendai-san is not there. There is only a basket with her change of clothes in it.
I look at the bathroom door separating the bathroom from the washroom.
One step, two steps.
Step by step, I approach the door.
I see that the light is on, but I can’t see her.
The sound of water is not heard.
No singing voice is heard.
——I don’t know if she sings in the bathroom, though.
I tap once on the door, which I can’t see the other side clearly, and call「Sendai-san.」
Behind the door, there is a splashing sound of water, followed by Sendai-san’s voice.
「……What?」
「You’re alive?」
「I’m alive, what’s going on?」
Sendai-san says in a clear voice.
.
It sounds just a little echoing, but the tone of her voice is the same as usual.
「I’m just here to make sure you’re still alive.」
「What’s that?」
「I thought you might have collapsed because you didn’t come out easily.」
「I’m doing well, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a little while.」
「Then, that’s good.」
Not good.
I knew that she hadn’t collapsed and that she was fine, but my legs wouldn’t move as if I had roots growing out of them. I keep staring at the door even though I know I should walk away because there is nothing more to do.
「…Miyagi, are you still there?」
I hear a voice, neither loud nor quiet, and then, with a splash, I hear the sound of water again.
「Yeah.」
I put my voice out to hit the door and bang on it with a knock.
「You don’t have to watch me in a place like that, don’t get overzealous.」
Earlier, when she was touched by me on her body, she was making noises that she normally wouldn’t make, but she sounds as if she has forgotten such things. I should have known everything about Sendai-san, but just having her on the other side of the door makes her seem like a stranger to me.
I slam the door again with a thump and put my palms flat against it.
「Sendai-san.」
I can’t see my Sendai-san even though she is right there.
I cannot see her in my eyes.
「What?」
「Can I open it?」
I think the door is an obstacle that hides my property and makes it invisible.
I want to open it now and check my Sendai-san.
But she’s not a stuffed animal.
Like the sleeping penguin in my room, she can’t be turned to the right, turned to the left, rolled around, whatever. If I open the door without permission, she may not want to talk to me or she may not like it.
So, I wait for a reply.
「……You can’t.」
I hear a muffled little voice.
「Why?」
「Why are you asking why, that, that should be my line. Why would you open it? You don’t have to open it, right?」
「…Because I want to watch.」
I tell Sendai-san just loud enough for her to hear, but there is no reply. All I can hear is the sound of the bath water being tapped on the floor.
Sendai-san does not speak.
She usually have no sense of shame.
She doesn’t usually feel shame.
Today, she doesn’t respond to my words.
「Sendai-san.」
When I call out for an answer, I hear the sound of water again and then a voice.
「If you say you’re going to take a bath with me, I can open it.」
I heard the boring words and I kicked the door lightly.
「…I’m going back to my room. Come out before you collapse.」
「You’re stingy, Miyagi.」
I hear a loud splash and the bathroom goes quiet. I peel my hand off the door, my feet rooted to the floor, and return to my room.
I turn on the light, grab a stuffed black cat from the bookshelf, and place it under my pillow. I push the penguin, which is tucked into bed, to the edge of the bed and lie down. Then, with a gasp, I let out a big breath and attached the stuffed animal, which I was unable to return, to the wall.
「Do you want to go back to Sendai-san’s place?」
The penguin that came from the next room to my room was becoming so natural to be next to me that I somehow couldn’t return it. Sendai-san has not urged me to return it either.
So maybe it is a good thing to have next it to me, but maybe the stuffed animal wants to go home.
「Say something.」
Penguins do not speak.
No wonder.
But I don’t like it.
「Unlike Sendai-san, you don’t talk much.」
I place the penguin on my chest and tap it on the head.
Tomorrow is White Day, but today is an ordinary day.
It’s an easy day to remember, but it can’t be an anniversary, and since it’s an ordinary day, I think it’s okay.
Just another day of spring break.
It’s okay to “want to” for at least one day out of 365 days, and Sendai-san may even accept it. She may feel like a different person than she was before, but that’s just for today.
So, I just make up my mind.
I returned those hazy feelings of wanting to see, touch, or be touched to her, along with the penguin given to me by Sendai-san, and I will not do that kind of thing again.
I breathe in and out.
I pinch the penguin’s beak.
I would go crazy if I did that over and over again.
I don’t need to rewind time to the time when I was eating cup noodles alone, but I should rewind it to the time when I didn’t know Sendai-san, whom I saw on the bed in this house.
I remove my hand from the penguin’s beak.
I look at its face, which looks as if it’s not thinking about anything.
I touch the beak again, wonder if I should kiss it, and throw its round body toward the ceiling.
Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV
Late.
Sendai-san has not returned from the bathroom.
I circled around the table in the common space, then exhaled.
Difficult to meet face to face.
It’s hard to talk to each other.
Today, I was the one who said「to do it」on Sendai-san, and I did what I wanted to do, but the Sendai-san I saw earlier was different from the Sendai-san I had seen before, so I feel as if even I have become a different person from the one I have become.
If I could, I would like to escape from this house and go somewhere else. But if I run away, I don’t know if Sendai-san will go somewhere else.
I don’t want my property to become something I don’t know, without my knowledge.
So I have to stay here, even if I am embarrassed, and I have to keep an eye on Sendai-san.
And yet, Sendai-san has not returned.
She asked me what I was going to do for dinner, and I told her that a cup of ramen was fine, something I don’t usually say, and then she disappeared into the bathroom.
I wish I had timed it and measured it out like a cup of ramen. If I had a time limit of forty-five or sixty minutes, all I had to do was spend time looking at the clock. I didn’t have to worry about silly things like when she would be back from the bathroom.
I knock over and poke the right-hand container of the two cup noodles I have prepared on the table. The vertical container rolls over to the edge of the table. It stopped before it hit the floor.
「…Absolutely late.」
I place the lying cup noodles on top of the cup noodles I did not knock over.
It feels like it has been over an hour already.
Maybe she’s collapsed in the bathroom.
I think that if I keep waiting here, it might be too late. So I should go and see what’s going on. If nothing happened, it was fine, and if something happened, it would have been worth the trip to the bathroom.
I leave the common space.
I walk down the short hallway and stare at the bathroom door.
I have never opened this door when Sendai-san is taking a bath, nor have I ever thought of doing so.
「I’m just concerned.」
I mumbled a small mumble and exhales.
This is not wrong and is the right thing to do as roommates.
I don’t want Sendai-san to be sick.
She catches colds more easily than I do and has been in bed twice that I know of. I don’t think she is weak, but she is not robust. I’m only worried because she’s like that who doesn’t come out of the bathroom.
That’s all, there is no deeper meaning.
「I’m opening this.」
I head for the washroom, mouthing words that make no sense even if I say them, then open the door. Naturally, Sendai-san is not there. There is only a basket with her change of clothes in it.
I look at the bathroom door separating the bathroom from the washroom.
One step, two steps.
Step by step, I approach the door.
I see that the light is on, but I can’t see her.
The sound of water is not heard.
No singing voice is heard.
——I don’t know if she sings in the bathroom, though.
I tap once on the door, which I can’t see the other side clearly, and call「Sendai-san.」
Behind the door, there is a splashing sound of water, followed by Sendai-san’s voice.
「……What?」
「You’re alive?」
「I’m alive, what’s going on?」
Sendai-san says in a clear voice.
.
It sounds just a little echoing, but the tone of her voice is the same as usual.
「I’m just here to make sure you’re still alive.」
「What’s that?」
「I thought you might have collapsed because you didn’t come out easily.」
「I’m doing well, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a little while.」
「Then, that’s good.」
Not good.
I knew that she hadn’t collapsed and that she was fine, but my legs wouldn’t move as if I had roots growing out of them. I keep staring at the door even though I know I should walk away because there is nothing more to do.
「…Miyagi, are you still there?」
I hear a voice, neither loud nor quiet, and then, with a splash, I hear the sound of water again.
「Yeah.」
I put my voice out to hit the door and bang on it with a knock.
「You don’t have to watch me in a place like that, don’t get overzealous.」
Earlier, when she was touched by me on her body, she was making noises that she normally wouldn’t make, but she sounds as if she has forgotten such things. I should have known everything about Sendai-san, but just having her on the other side of the door makes her seem like a stranger to me.
I slam the door again with a thump and put my palms flat against it.
「Sendai-san.」
I can’t see my Sendai-san even though she is right there.
I cannot see her in my eyes.
「What?」
「Can I open it?」
I think the door is an obstacle that hides my property and makes it invisible.
I want to open it now and check my Sendai-san.
But she’s not a stuffed animal.
Like the sleeping penguin in my room, she can’t be turned to the right, turned to the left, rolled around, whatever. If I open the door without permission, she may not want to talk to me or she may not like it.
So, I wait for a reply.
「……You can’t.」
I hear a muffled little voice.
「Why?」
「Why are you asking why, that, that should be my line. Why would you open it? You don’t have to open it, right?」
「…Because I want to watch.」
I tell Sendai-san just loud enough for her to hear, but there is no reply. All I can hear is the sound of the bath water being tapped on the floor.
Sendai-san does not speak.
She usually have no sense of shame.
She doesn’t usually feel shame.
Today, she doesn’t respond to my words.
「Sendai-san.」
When I call out for an answer, I hear the sound of water again and then a voice.
「If you say you’re going to take a bath with me, I can open it.」
I heard the boring words and I kicked the door lightly.
「…I’m going back to my room. Come out before you collapse.」
「You’re stingy, Miyagi.」
I hear a loud splash and the bathroom goes quiet. I peel my hand off the door, my feet rooted to the floor, and return to my room.
I turn on the light, grab a stuffed black cat from the bookshelf, and place it under my pillow. I push the penguin, which is tucked into bed, to the edge of the bed and lie down. Then, with a gasp, I let out a big breath and attached the stuffed animal, which I was unable to return, to the wall.
「Do you want to go back to Sendai-san’s place?」
The penguin that came from the next room to my room was becoming so natural to be next to me that I somehow couldn’t return it. Sendai-san has not urged me to return it either.
So maybe it is a good thing to have next it to me, but maybe the stuffed animal wants to go home.
「Say something.」
Penguins do not speak.
No wonder.
But I don’t like it.
「Unlike Sendai-san, you don’t talk much.」
I place the penguin on my chest and tap it on the head.
Tomorrow is White Day, but today is an ordinary day.
It’s an easy day to remember, but it can’t be an anniversary, and since it’s an ordinary day, I think it’s okay.
Just another day of spring break.
It’s okay to “want to” for at least one day out of 365 days, and Sendai-san may even accept it. She may feel like a different person than she was before, but that’s just for today.
So, I just make up my mind.
I returned those hazy feelings of wanting to see, touch, or be touched to her, along with the penguin given to me by Sendai-san, and I will not do that kind of thing again.
I breathe in and out.
I pinch the penguin’s beak.
I would go crazy if I did that over and over again.
I don’t need to rewind time to the time when I was eating cup noodles alone, but I should rewind it to the time when I didn’t know Sendai-san, whom I saw on the bed in this house.
I remove my hand from the penguin’s beak.
I look at its face, which looks as if it’s not thinking about anything.
I touch the beak again, wonder if I should kiss it, and throw its round body toward the ceiling.
