I didn’t promise to go see a movie.
I didn’t promise to go to a bookstore.
Nor did I promise to meet someone I don’t understand who is a student or something——
I did not.
Sendai-san, who was holding my arm and would not let go, kept talking next to me.
She kept saying things like, “Wait,” “Miyagi,” and so on.
Those often-heard words are thrown at me and disappear into the hustle and bustle.
「Miyagi, hey…」
Sendai-san is calling me again, but I can’t stop myself.
She has called my name many times since we left the grocery store.
In a manner of speaking, I have responded. But I can’t determine if that reply is the right one because of all the noise around me.
People are in the way.
They keep walking from across to me and behind me. The non-conversational voices coming from a distance turn into a buzzing noise and enter the back of my head. The top of my head is jittery, pulled up by the sound I hear without knowing what to think.
「Miyagi.」
I hear a spiky voice.
I know why I am not called gently.
Because my feet never stop moving.
Walking doesn’t make me feel better, but I can’t help myself.
「Miyagi!」
The same voice that called her student should just disappear.
I increase the speed of my walk. But Sendai-san speeds up as well, so the hand attached to my arm never leaves my arm. Her voice was blown by the wind and stuck to me.
It’s uncomfortable.
Everything is uncomfortable.
I look straight ahead.
I will not look up.
The infuriatingly pleasant sky does not help me.
「Miyagi, stop for a second.」
I turn my consciousness more outward, wanting to keep the voices that are trying to get into me away from me.
The sound of someone’s footsteps.
The sound of a phone ringing.
The music leaking out.
As I became aware of the noises that flood the city and usually go unheard, the joyful and boring voices that flood the sidewalks, the sounds of cars driving by, and the wind caressing my cheeks, all came together in one mass and swallowed up Sendai-san’s voice.
Yet, somehow, someway, her voice slips into my ears, separated from the unrelated voices and sounds, and echoes in my head.
「I’m sorry about Kikyō-chan. I didn’t expect to see her at that place, and I didn’t expect her to ask you so many questions about you, Miyagi. Sorry. But she’s not a bad kid.」
It’s not about that.
Sendai-san misunderstands.
Whether that girl is a good kid or a bad kid is not the important issue. The fact that she suddenly appeared in front of me and spoke to Sendai-san in a friendly manner——
I stop in my tracks.
Sendai-san said,「Uwah!」as if surprised, and continued speaking.
「Hey, Miyagi. If you’re going to stop, just say you’re going to stop.」
「Sendai-san.」
「What?」
「Let’s go to the bookstore.」
「Eh?」
「You said we were going to the bookstore.」
「I thought you weren’t going.」
「Sendai-san, you want to go to the bookstore, right?」
「I’d like to go to what you want to go to, though… But what made you suddenly change your mind?」
That girl is not something to be concerned about.
I was just puzzled because she spoke to me in such a friendly way that I couldn’t believe I was meeting her for the first time. We will probably never see each other again, so I can forget about today.
There is something about the fact that Sendai-san is teaching her to study like she used to teach me to study, but she never does what she used to do with me.
She just open up her textbooks and study.
That’s all she was.
It is strange for me to care.
「I didn’t change my mind. I just remembered I have some manga I need to buy.」
I won’t go to the movies, and I won’t go to bookstore.
That is a fact that will not change whether or not I meet Sendai-san’s student, but if I go home without going anywhere, it will be like going straight home because I met that girl. Sendai-san might think it was because I was jealous of that girl.
It would be troublesome if that happened, and that would be wrong.
I don’t want to act in a way that reinforces the wrong perception.
「Is there a manga you really have to buy?」
Sendai-san gives me a suspicious look, so I peel off her hand that is attached to my arm and turn my body around. My destination is a bookstore, and I go there because Sendai-san said she would.
But I don’t know.
「…Here, where is it?」
I look around.
「I wonder where it is now… I would say, you just walked straight down here. I just don’t know if you know where the bookstore is.」
Sendai-san says in a voice neither cold nor warm,「Shall I check?」She added.
「Location of the bookstore?」
「Yes. If Miyagi really wants to go, I’ll look into it.」
「I don’t have to have Sendai-san check it out, I can check it out myself.」
I have my smartphone and I can easily find at least a bookstore.
「Do you want to check it out and go?」
When I said this, Sendai-san took the liberty of answering my question, even though she had asked it herself.
「Shall we go home now?」
「Why?」
「I just want to stay home and relax.」
The corners of Sendai-san’s mouth turn up.
「Miyagi, it’s fine.」
She laughs softly and make a gentle sound.
「What is?」
「I don’t know, but somehow.」
「If you don’t know, then don’t say random things.」
「It doesn’t matter if it’s random.」
Sendai-san’s hand touches my hand.
She squeezes my hand and pulls it.
Sendai-san starts to walk, her ponytail sways.
I don’t dislike that haircut that shows the blue earrings and I can clearly see that she’s mine. But I don’t think it is desirable for anyone other than me to see it. I feel that others may know things that only I should know.
「Why do you have a ponytail today?」
「Because I’m in the mood.」
I get answers that are not answers.
I wish I had marked her hair today so that she wouldn’t get this kind of haircut.
「Sendai-san, are you really going home?」
I ask the question by squeezing the hand that is held as hard as I can.
She clearly responds,「I’m going home,」not in pain, and relaxes her hand. But her hands don’t leave. We stay connected, and the warmth of our bodies flows in.
Sendai-san doesn’t keep trivial things trivial.
She stretch out feelings I didn’t need and make them even bigger. It makes me see things I don’t need to see and confronts me with them.
It is sloppy, dirty, and something you want to throw away.
It tells me that those things are there for me.
「Let go of my hand.」
「I can’t.」
She answers immediately and raises her gaze.
The sky has not yet turned the color of sunset.
A lukewarm wind, not appropriate for spring, ruffles Sendai-san’s ponytail.
I know it’s not something I would say after inviting myself, but it’s really not a good idea to go out. It ruins what should be a reasonably good day if you stay home quietly.
So I exhaled heavily with regret.
I didn’t promise to go see a movie.
I didn’t promise to go to a bookstore.
Nor did I promise to meet someone I don’t understand who is a student or something——
I did not.
Sendai-san, who was holding my arm and would not let go, kept talking next to me.
She kept saying things like, “Wait,” “Miyagi,” and so on.
Those often-heard words are thrown at me and disappear into the hustle and bustle.
「Miyagi, hey…」
Sendai-san is calling me again, but I can’t stop myself.
She has called my name many times since we left the grocery store.
In a manner of speaking, I have responded. But I can’t determine if that reply is the right one because of all the noise around me.
People are in the way.
They keep walking from across to me and behind me. The non-conversational voices coming from a distance turn into a buzzing noise and enter the back of my head. The top of my head is jittery, pulled up by the sound I hear without knowing what to think.
「Miyagi.」
I hear a spiky voice.
I know why I am not called gently.
Because my feet never stop moving.
Walking doesn’t make me feel better, but I can’t help myself.
「Miyagi!」
The same voice that called her student should just disappear.
I increase the speed of my walk. But Sendai-san speeds up as well, so the hand attached to my arm never leaves my arm. Her voice was blown by the wind and stuck to me.
It’s uncomfortable.
Everything is uncomfortable.
I look straight ahead.
I will not look up.
The infuriatingly pleasant sky does not help me.
「Miyagi, stop for a second.」
I turn my consciousness more outward, wanting to keep the voices that are trying to get into me away from me.
The sound of someone’s footsteps.
The sound of a phone ringing.
The music leaking out.
As I became aware of the noises that flood the city and usually go unheard, the joyful and boring voices that flood the sidewalks, the sounds of cars driving by, and the wind caressing my cheeks, all came together in one mass and swallowed up Sendai-san’s voice.
Yet, somehow, someway, her voice slips into my ears, separated from the unrelated voices and sounds, and echoes in my head.
「I’m sorry about Kikyō-chan. I didn’t expect to see her at that place, and I didn’t expect her to ask you so many questions about you, Miyagi. Sorry. But she’s not a bad kid.」
It’s not about that.
Sendai-san misunderstands.
Whether that girl is a good kid or a bad kid is not the important issue. The fact that she suddenly appeared in front of me and spoke to Sendai-san in a friendly manner——
I stop in my tracks.
Sendai-san said,「Uwah!」as if surprised, and continued speaking.
「Hey, Miyagi. If you’re going to stop, just say you’re going to stop.」
「Sendai-san.」
「What?」
「Let’s go to the bookstore.」
「Eh?」
「You said we were going to the bookstore.」
「I thought you weren’t going.」
「Sendai-san, you want to go to the bookstore, right?」
「I’d like to go to what you want to go to, though… But what made you suddenly change your mind?」
That girl is not something to be concerned about.
I was just puzzled because she spoke to me in such a friendly way that I couldn’t believe I was meeting her for the first time. We will probably never see each other again, so I can forget about today.
There is something about the fact that Sendai-san is teaching her to study like she used to teach me to study, but she never does what she used to do with me.
She just open up her textbooks and study.
That’s all she was.
It is strange for me to care.
「I didn’t change my mind. I just remembered I have some manga I need to buy.」
I won’t go to the movies, and I won’t go to bookstore.
That is a fact that will not change whether or not I meet Sendai-san’s student, but if I go home without going anywhere, it will be like going straight home because I met that girl. Sendai-san might think it was because I was jealous of that girl.
It would be troublesome if that happened, and that would be wrong.
I don’t want to act in a way that reinforces the wrong perception.
「Is there a manga you really have to buy?」
Sendai-san gives me a suspicious look, so I peel off her hand that is attached to my arm and turn my body around. My destination is a bookstore, and I go there because Sendai-san said she would.
But I don’t know.
「…Here, where is it?」
I look around.
「I wonder where it is now… I would say, you just walked straight down here. I just don’t know if you know where the bookstore is.」
Sendai-san says in a voice neither cold nor warm,「Shall I check?」She added.
「Location of the bookstore?」
「Yes. If Miyagi really wants to go, I’ll look into it.」
「I don’t have to have Sendai-san check it out, I can check it out myself.」
I have my smartphone and I can easily find at least a bookstore.
「Do you want to check it out and go?」
When I said this, Sendai-san took the liberty of answering my question, even though she had asked it herself.
「Shall we go home now?」
「Why?」
「I just want to stay home and relax.」
The corners of Sendai-san’s mouth turn up.
「Miyagi, it’s fine.」
She laughs softly and make a gentle sound.
「What is?」
「I don’t know, but somehow.」
「If you don’t know, then don’t say random things.」
「It doesn’t matter if it’s random.」
Sendai-san’s hand touches my hand.
She squeezes my hand and pulls it.
Sendai-san starts to walk, her ponytail sways.
I don’t dislike that haircut that shows the blue earrings and I can clearly see that she’s mine. But I don’t think it is desirable for anyone other than me to see it. I feel that others may know things that only I should know.
「Why do you have a ponytail today?」
「Because I’m in the mood.」
I get answers that are not answers.
I wish I had marked her hair today so that she wouldn’t get this kind of haircut.
「Sendai-san, are you really going home?」
I ask the question by squeezing the hand that is held as hard as I can.
She clearly responds,「I’m going home,」not in pain, and relaxes her hand. But her hands don’t leave. We stay connected, and the warmth of our bodies flows in.
Sendai-san doesn’t keep trivial things trivial.
She stretch out feelings I didn’t need and make them even bigger. It makes me see things I don’t need to see and confronts me with them.
It is sloppy, dirty, and something you want to throw away.
It tells me that those things are there for me.
「Let go of my hand.」
「I can’t.」
She answers immediately and raises her gaze.
The sky has not yet turned the color of sunset.
A lukewarm wind, not appropriate for spring, ruffles Sendai-san’s ponytail.
I know it’s not something I would say after inviting myself, but it’s really not a good idea to go out. It ruins what should be a reasonably good day if you stay home quietly.
So I exhaled heavily with regret.
