Translator: Missme
Editor: Aru
I couldn’t say no immediately.
I know that I have to cut Herschel off firmly.
But I couldn’t seem to make up my mind.
I understand how tough it is to experience unrequited love.
And to be honest.
“I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve fallen for you from the first moment I saw you, and it’s still the same.”
I was shaken……
“I’m not looking for a lot of things. All I want is for you to be next to me…… Can’t you?”
…….To Herschel Themis.
The smell of grass mingled with the autumn wind passed between us.
I didn’t take his confession seriously when I initially met him.
I assumed he confessed to me solely because of his unique taste.
From the day I became Lena to this point, more than a year ago, he has conveyed his heart.
My heart fluttered as I learned the fact.
When you like someone, you probably don’t like them in hopes of being rewarded. Because the chances of feeling the same way as that person are quite low.
Still, as a human being, it was exhausting to continue to love without receiving anything in return. To the point that receiving someone’s affection is preferable to suffering while giving love.
‘Wouldn’t that be fine? To be with this man?’
Will I be able to forget Caleb if we keep seeing each other like this?
Will there ever come a day when I will truly love this person?
Slowly, the selfishness that had been hidden behind the tired mind emerges.
I could barely come up with an answer after opening and closing my lips a few times.
“……I’m sorry.”
Automatically, both of my hands clenched.
“I’m sorry, Lord Themis.”
Even as I said it, I couldn’t tell if I was doing a good job of rejecting him.
Because I wasn’t sure if I’d come to regret this decision afterwards.
But, even if I accept it now, I’m sure I’ll come to regret it later.
In that circumstance, I should have avoided causing harm to others.
I’ve already experienced the heartbreak of someone I liked not reciprocating my feelings.
That’s why I couldn’t just turn a blind eye to other people’s suffering to alleviate my own.
“Thank you so much for your words, Lord Themis, but I’m sorry.”
“Can’t I just try harder for you?”
“I have a crush on someone.”
I fixed my gaze on Herschel.
Even to my ears, the voice that came out of my mouth was unsteady.
My voice was so trembling that it sounded like I was crying.
“So… I don’t think it’s possible.”
“I’m okay. I’m okay even though Miss Lena likes someone else.”
“It’s because I’m not okay with it. Because I understand exactly how you feel.”
Herschel muttered something in response to my statements.
After staring at each other silently for a moment, he smacked his lips.
“You’re right.”
“……”
“I don’t know who it is”.
Herschel shifted his gaze.
And he mumbled as he gazed into the distance.
“I’m envious of him. To be loved by Miss Lena.”
I couldn’t say anything because I was speechless.
It was all I could do to stare down at the ground.
The clean children returned after a while, and Herschel took Ryan and River and left.
Maybe he was thinking about me, who was uncomfortable around him.
‘He is a good person.’
How did he end up liking me?
Is it because we were both in the same predicament of unrequited love? I felt a sense of unity.
Unfortunately, I was unable to rescue Herschel.
Just as my heart can’t be rescued.
* * * * *
The mixed feelings lingered for a long time.
Even after I returned home after finishing Natalie’s fruit tart.
The next day, I thought I was feeling better, but when I saw Caleb, I felt down again.
It wasn’t only because I happened to see him.
Caleb inquired about the escort when we returned from the office late that night.
“Aren’t you being escorted by the escort knights dispatched by Count Van Der?”
“I’m concerned it’ll cause problems for the other knights. So I urged her to wait for me at the carriage boarding station. It’s the same when I come.”
“Is that right? I’m relieved.”
As I always feel, Caleb was not only very friendly but also thought deeply about others.
So it was excruciatingly uncomfortable.
My mind flashed back to what I’d done to Herschel.
In retrospect, I’ve never been kind to him, but I’ve also never been harsh.
Because I unintentionally left him with a ray of hope.
Maybe Herschel was tormented by hope because of my attitude?
Even though I know nothing special in Caleb’s actions and words, I am still fluttering and expecting it……
‘And then I’m depressed by myself.’
Recognizing that unintentional kindness might be hurtful to others, I began to think about what I had done in the past.
Still, one good thing is that I refused Herschel.
If I had been taken away by that day’s emotions and granted Herschel’s request……
“Elena.”
“Yes?”
“Do you have any concerns? Or did something bad happen to you?”
Caleb’s question made me laugh awkwardly.
Look at him.
He sure is kind.
“Does it appear that way?”
“Because you’re wearing a darker expression than normal.”
“True, I’m concerned, but it’s not a big problem. It is something that I am particularly concerned about.”
I swiftly shifted the conversation’s topic. Because I’m frightened he’ll inquire as to the nature of my concern.
“Come to think of it, didn’t you say you were going to be dispatched this week? When are you going?”
“I’m going tomorrow.”
Without realizing it, I came to a standstill at that point.
He will leave tomorrow.
“Then I won’t be able to see you for a while.”
“Yes.”
“Have a safe trip.”
Caleb nodded in response to my remarks, adding that he would always do it with his handsome and caring face.
* * * * *
On the weekend when Caleb dispatched, Count Van Der came to me as always.
“I heard the Duke was dispatched. Is that true?”
When I heard it, I nodded and glanced at the Count with the cookie in my hand.
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Do you have any idea when the Duke will return?”
“I don’t know the specific date, but he said it would take about two weeks.”
“When the Duke returns on schedule, His Majesty the Emperor’s birthday is close around the corner. If the dispatch is prolonged, you may not be able to attend.”
While caressing her chin, the Count glanced at me.
“Have you heard anything from the Duke regarding the birthday banquet?”
“As he can’t promise his return schedule, I haven’t heard anything else.”
“That means he never said anything about becoming a partner at His Majesty’s birthday banquet. Is that true?”
“Well, yes.”
“Then it can’t be helped. Go to the region where the Duke was dispatched.”
“Do you want me to go where Lord Egon is?”
“Is there anyone else who should go beside you, Miss Lena?”
“How are you going to send me there? I don’t think I’ll be dispatched like the other members, do I?”
“You have the ability to make that happen.”
Her tone of voice, which responded as if it wasn’t a problem, was refreshing.
“How?”
“The paperwork that the Royal Knights needed for clearance was lost by someone in our department. Then you must re-fill out the paperwork and obtain approval. Because the Duke owns the seal, you must obtain it on your own.”
“Can’t I just write a letter if it’s just to give over the paperwork and get approval?”
“We don’t send really important documents through letters. There’s a chance of being hunted and becoming lost.”
“But I don’t have to go, do I?”
“Oh, my. Miss Lena. Let’s think about our purpose. It’s meaningless to send someone else.”
“But wouldn’t he think it’s strange? If people leave the capital city, they will face demonic beasts, but I’m going down while sacrificing my safety?”
“All you have to do now is come up with a reason why you have no choice but to go down. The paperwork we’ve misplaced is extremely critical and urgent. Miss Lena is the only one left because the Vice-Commander is also away.”
Listening to it, all I could think of was how perfect the timing was.
Why is Lord Vessel also dispatched?
“But for those who doubt it, there is a demonic sentence that can quell any questions.”
“Magic sentences……?”
In an instant, my head was tilted. There is no ‘magic’ in this world, despite the presence of unrealistic powers such as divine power.
Because magic only exists in the realms of imagination and fairy tales, it has to be utilized as a metaphor, right?
The Count opened her mouth as I was pondering.
“Tell the Duke that you volunteered to come because you missed him.”
“What?”
Saying what?
The Count responded in an overly calm tone, unlike me, who was mortified.
“Love has the power to make people understand irrational things. So you may explain it that way if someone asks.”
What Count Van Der stated simply astounded me.
I couldn’t say I disagreed with her. Rather, I could accept it.
There is a reason why the word “blinded by love” exists.
So the Count instructed me to say the demonic sentence.
It’s ludicrous, yet it explains everything.
Like magic.
‘However, telling Caleb that I had come because I missed him…’
Maybe the Count said this because she didn’t know I had a crush on Caleb.
My heart pounded like crazy as I considered saying such a thing.
It was something I’d never be able to say.
“Do you know what’s more? I wonder if the Duke will like it after hearing that. ”
That’ll never happen……
I swallowed what I was about to say and opened my mouth.
“Anyway, what if I run into a demonic beast even if I talk to Lord Egon like that?”
Naturally, neither the real Lena nor I had ever seen a demonic beast.
Because I live in the capital city.
Even if I had never seen a demonic beast, I was aware that they were dangerous creatures.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t have treated the Royal Knights this way.
“Demonic beasts…… You shouldn’t have to be concerned about it. The path to that direction must have been arranged by the Duke. For the time being, it will be safe.”
Right, that’s why Caleb went down.
“But there may be exceptions, so I’ll assign Miss Lena to two imperial knights and three regular knights who know how to wield Auror. I’ll also request that the Royal Knights deploy their members to you.”
“The Imperial Knights and Royal Knights? Do you think that’s possible?”
“I’ll have to approach the Royal Knights with a request, but the Imperial Knights will gladly join if the Crown Prince commands them to. The Imperial Knights’ authority was taken over by the Crown Prince from His Majesty The Emperor and is currently under his command.”
I suppose it’s possible.
I agreed, but the Count added something.
“And don’t worry about the magic sentence I said earlier, it was a joke.”
“Was it a joke? I thought you were serious.”
“We’ve prepared for a variety of reasons. If you want to say it, I won’t stop you.”
It’s something I’d never say.
Anyway, seeing that the Count even will attach knights to accompany me, there’s no use if I said I don’t want to go.
“So, what the Count said is, go down to where Lord Egon is and talk about becoming a partner to the Emperor’s birthday banquet, making excuses for paperwork, right? “When am I leaving……?”
“I’ll inform His Highness The Crown Prince as soon as the weekdays come, so I believe it’s a good idea to pack your belongings ahead of time.”
“I’ll do it.”
The Count rose to her feet with a delighted expression after hearing my response.
It was a time when I had to see her off.
“Oh, and……”
The Count abruptly turned around as she boarded the carriage.
“Please practice a lot before you go.”
“Yes?” Is she implying that I should practice packing my belongings?
That’s not possible.s”The magic sentence.”
“Didn’t you just say it was a joke?”
“However, you never know. Perhaps there will come a time when it is appropriate to say it.”
I’m not sure I’ll ever say it.
I thought to myself, seeing the Count smiling at me.
* * * * *
—————
Translator: Missme
Editor: Aru
I couldn’t say no immediately.
I know that I have to cut Herschel off firmly.
But I couldn’t seem to make up my mind.
I understand how tough it is to experience unrequited love.
And to be honest.
“I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve fallen for you from the first moment I saw you, and it’s still the same.”
I was shaken……
“I’m not looking for a lot of things. All I want is for you to be next to me…… Can’t you?”
…….To Herschel Themis.
The smell of grass mingled with the autumn wind passed between us.
I didn’t take his confession seriously when I initially met him.
I assumed he confessed to me solely because of his unique taste.
From the day I became Lena to this point, more than a year ago, he has conveyed his heart.
My heart fluttered as I learned the fact.
When you like someone, you probably don’t like them in hopes of being rewarded. Because the chances of feeling the same way as that person are quite low.
Still, as a human being, it was exhausting to continue to love without receiving anything in return. To the point that receiving someone’s affection is preferable to suffering while giving love.
‘Wouldn’t that be fine? To be with this man?’
Will I be able to forget Caleb if we keep seeing each other like this?
Will there ever come a day when I will truly love this person?
Slowly, the selfishness that had been hidden behind the tired mind emerges.
I could barely come up with an answer after opening and closing my lips a few times.
“……I’m sorry.”
Automatically, both of my hands clenched.
“I’m sorry, Lord Themis.”
Even as I said it, I couldn’t tell if I was doing a good job of rejecting him.
Because I wasn’t sure if I’d come to regret this decision afterwards.
But, even if I accept it now, I’m sure I’ll come to regret it later.
In that circumstance, I should have avoided causing harm to others.
I’ve already experienced the heartbreak of someone I liked not reciprocating my feelings.
That’s why I couldn’t just turn a blind eye to other people’s suffering to alleviate my own.
“Thank you so much for your words, Lord Themis, but I’m sorry.”
“Can’t I just try harder for you?”
“I have a crush on someone.”
I fixed my gaze on Herschel.
Even to my ears, the voice that came out of my mouth was unsteady.
My voice was so trembling that it sounded like I was crying.
“So… I don’t think it’s possible.”
“I’m okay. I’m okay even though Miss Lena likes someone else.”
“It’s because I’m not okay with it. Because I understand exactly how you feel.”
Herschel muttered something in response to my statements.
After staring at each other silently for a moment, he smacked his lips.
“You’re right.”
“……”
“I don’t know who it is”.
Herschel shifted his gaze.
And he mumbled as he gazed into the distance.
“I’m envious of him. To be loved by Miss Lena.”
I couldn’t say anything because I was speechless.
It was all I could do to stare down at the ground.
The clean children returned after a while, and Herschel took Ryan and River and left.
Maybe he was thinking about me, who was uncomfortable around him.
‘He is a good person.’
How did he end up liking me?
Is it because we were both in the same predicament of unrequited love? I felt a sense of unity.
Unfortunately, I was unable to rescue Herschel.
Just as my heart can’t be rescued.
* * * * *
The mixed feelings lingered for a long time.
Even after I returned home after finishing Natalie’s fruit tart.
The next day, I thought I was feeling better, but when I saw Caleb, I felt down again.
It wasn’t only because I happened to see him.
Caleb inquired about the escort when we returned from the office late that night.
“Aren’t you being escorted by the escort knights dispatched by Count Van Der?”
“I’m concerned it’ll cause problems for the other knights. So I urged her to wait for me at the carriage boarding station. It’s the same when I come.”
“Is that right? I’m relieved.”
As I always feel, Caleb was not only very friendly but also thought deeply about others.
So it was excruciatingly uncomfortable.
My mind flashed back to what I’d done to Herschel.
In retrospect, I’ve never been kind to him, but I’ve also never been harsh.
Because I unintentionally left him with a ray of hope.
Maybe Herschel was tormented by hope because of my attitude?
Even though I know nothing special in Caleb’s actions and words, I am still fluttering and expecting it……
‘And then I’m depressed by myself.’
Recognizing that unintentional kindness might be hurtful to others, I began to think about what I had done in the past.
Still, one good thing is that I refused Herschel.
If I had been taken away by that day’s emotions and granted Herschel’s request……
“Elena.”
“Yes?”
“Do you have any concerns? Or did something bad happen to you?”
Caleb’s question made me laugh awkwardly.
Look at him.
He sure is kind.
“Does it appear that way?”
“Because you’re wearing a darker expression than normal.”
“True, I’m concerned, but it’s not a big problem. It is something that I am particularly concerned about.”
I swiftly shifted the conversation’s topic. Because I’m frightened he’ll inquire as to the nature of my concern.
“Come to think of it, didn’t you say you were going to be dispatched this week? When are you going?”
“I’m going tomorrow.”
Without realizing it, I came to a standstill at that point.
He will leave tomorrow.
“Then I won’t be able to see you for a while.”
“Yes.”
“Have a safe trip.”
Caleb nodded in response to my remarks, adding that he would always do it with his handsome and caring face.
* * * * *
On the weekend when Caleb dispatched, Count Van Der came to me as always.
“I heard the Duke was dispatched. Is that true?”
When I heard it, I nodded and glanced at the Count with the cookie in my hand.
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Do you have any idea when the Duke will return?”
“I don’t know the specific date, but he said it would take about two weeks.”
“When the Duke returns on schedule, His Majesty the Emperor’s birthday is close around the corner. If the dispatch is prolonged, you may not be able to attend.”
While caressing her chin, the Count glanced at me.
“Have you heard anything from the Duke regarding the birthday banquet?”
“As he can’t promise his return schedule, I haven’t heard anything else.”
“That means he never said anything about becoming a partner at His Majesty’s birthday banquet. Is that true?”
“Well, yes.”
“Then it can’t be helped. Go to the region where the Duke was dispatched.”
“Do you want me to go where Lord Egon is?”
“Is there anyone else who should go beside you, Miss Lena?”
“How are you going to send me there? I don’t think I’ll be dispatched like the other members, do I?”
“You have the ability to make that happen.”
Her tone of voice, which responded as if it wasn’t a problem, was refreshing.
“How?”
“The paperwork that the Royal Knights needed for clearance was lost by someone in our department. Then you must re-fill out the paperwork and obtain approval. Because the Duke owns the seal, you must obtain it on your own.”
“Can’t I just write a letter if it’s just to give over the paperwork and get approval?”
“We don’t send really important documents through letters. There’s a chance of being hunted and becoming lost.”
“But I don’t have to go, do I?”
“Oh, my. Miss Lena. Let’s think about our purpose. It’s meaningless to send someone else.”
“But wouldn’t he think it’s strange? If people leave the capital city, they will face demonic beasts, but I’m going down while sacrificing my safety?”
“All you have to do now is come up with a reason why you have no choice but to go down. The paperwork we’ve misplaced is extremely critical and urgent. Miss Lena is the only one left because the Vice-Commander is also away.”
Listening to it, all I could think of was how perfect the timing was.
Why is Lord Vessel also dispatched?
“But for those who doubt it, there is a demonic sentence that can quell any questions.”
“Magic sentences……?”
In an instant, my head was tilted. There is no ‘magic’ in this world, despite the presence of unrealistic powers such as divine power.
Because magic only exists in the realms of imagination and fairy tales, it has to be utilized as a metaphor, right?
The Count opened her mouth as I was pondering.
“Tell the Duke that you volunteered to come because you missed him.”
“What?”
Saying what?
The Count responded in an overly calm tone, unlike me, who was mortified.
“Love has the power to make people understand irrational things. So you may explain it that way if someone asks.”
What Count Van Der stated simply astounded me.
I couldn’t say I disagreed with her. Rather, I could accept it.
There is a reason why the word “blinded by love” exists.
So the Count instructed me to say the demonic sentence.
It’s ludicrous, yet it explains everything.
Like magic.
‘However, telling Caleb that I had come because I missed him…’
Maybe the Count said this because she didn’t know I had a crush on Caleb.
My heart pounded like crazy as I considered saying such a thing.
It was something I’d never be able to say.
“Do you know what’s more? I wonder if the Duke will like it after hearing that. ”
That’ll never happen……
I swallowed what I was about to say and opened my mouth.
“Anyway, what if I run into a demonic beast even if I talk to Lord Egon like that?”
Naturally, neither the real Lena nor I had ever seen a demonic beast.
Because I live in the capital city.
Even if I had never seen a demonic beast, I was aware that they were dangerous creatures.
Otherwise, I wouldn’t have treated the Royal Knights this way.
“Demonic beasts…… You shouldn’t have to be concerned about it. The path to that direction must have been arranged by the Duke. For the time being, it will be safe.”
Right, that’s why Caleb went down.
“But there may be exceptions, so I’ll assign Miss Lena to two imperial knights and three regular knights who know how to wield Auror. I’ll also request that the Royal Knights deploy their members to you.”
“The Imperial Knights and Royal Knights? Do you think that’s possible?”
“I’ll have to approach the Royal Knights with a request, but the Imperial Knights will gladly join if the Crown Prince commands them to. The Imperial Knights’ authority was taken over by the Crown Prince from His Majesty The Emperor and is currently under his command.”
I suppose it’s possible.
I agreed, but the Count added something.
“And don’t worry about the magic sentence I said earlier, it was a joke.”
“Was it a joke? I thought you were serious.”
“We’ve prepared for a variety of reasons. If you want to say it, I won’t stop you.”
It’s something I’d never say.
Anyway, seeing that the Count even will attach knights to accompany me, there’s no use if I said I don’t want to go.
“So, what the Count said is, go down to where Lord Egon is and talk about becoming a partner to the Emperor’s birthday banquet, making excuses for paperwork, right? “When am I leaving……?”
“I’ll inform His Highness The Crown Prince as soon as the weekdays come, so I believe it’s a good idea to pack your belongings ahead of time.”
“I’ll do it.”
The Count rose to her feet with a delighted expression after hearing my response.
It was a time when I had to see her off.
“Oh, and……”
The Count abruptly turned around as she boarded the carriage.
“Please practice a lot before you go.”
“Yes?” Is she implying that I should practice packing my belongings?
That’s not possible.s”The magic sentence.”
“Didn’t you just say it was a joke?”
“However, you never know. Perhaps there will come a time when it is appropriate to say it.”
I’m not sure I’ll ever say it.
I thought to myself, seeing the Count smiling at me.
* * * * *
—————
