Chapter 42
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She looked around in the darkness, attempting to identify the noise that had stirred her. Finally she found it, the bird had fallen from her sheets, the weighted bottom enough of an unfamiliar sound in the dead quiet to wake her.
Full dark, she tried to place the time but came up without one. Her body ached and shivered with fever but her head felt, at least, a bit, more clear than it had before she slept. She coughed and shivered as she climbed from the bed. Her bedroom door stood open just a hair, the moonlight filtering into her room.
She pushed open the door to find the room washed in moonlight. Arren laid on the couch, fast asleep still in his clothes, his boots placed neatly on the floor by the arm of the couch.
The gentle beams did nothing to disturb him, their light revealing his sleeping face to her. The shadows that plagued him were still, thick pools of mist that moved as she stepped through them. Asleep, he gave them no direction, no desire led them so they collected, waiting along the floor.
She walked over to him. His hair fell in thick curls over his forehead, the tight line of his lips missing, instead, they sat half parted as if he were about to say something. Everything about him, more relaxed and vulnerable in sleep. A blanket covered his torso, his long body taking up the entire couch.
I wonder if he misses me in his dream, she thought as she brushed his hair back gently and he sighed in his sleep. She sat on the floor beside the couch and leaned her head against his body. He shifted but didn't wake. Ilun joined her leaning against her other side, wrapping his large body around her, providing some warmth. He blended with Arren's shadows near perfectly in the darkness.
She touched her lips, the touch of his on them still fresh, the memory sending shivers through her. What was I going to say, she thought, what answer would I have given if he let me speak?
"Isilla?" he mumbled half asleep still, his shadows reacting a moment before him to touch her before his fingers ran over her thick, sleep tossed curls.
She smiled sheepishly at him in the moonlight as he rose, pushing his body on to his elbow, turning to her. He stared down at her in the moonlight, his fingers running delicately along her face, his thumb stopping at her lips.
Does he remember, she thought for a breath before he lowered his face and kissed her, the touch of his lips gentler and more questioning then it had been in the Veil. A flush of pleasure at the touch washed over her body. He ended the kiss slowly, pulling away from her.
"You shouldn't be on the floor. Why aren't you in bed?" he asked.
She spread her hands in front of her. He took them, swallowing them in his own, pulling her gently on to the couch and into his arms. "And in just your nightgown. It's too cold for you," he scolded gently as he wrapped them both in the blanket that covered him.
She tucked her bare feet under her leaned against his chest, letting him hold her. In the darkness the world was still, the only sounds Arren's breath, Ilun's tail on the carpet. Arren took her hand in his own again, rubbing his thumb gently over her knuckles.
"Did my brother," he paused collecting his thoughts, "Did he hurt you?" he asked finally.
She shook her head and tried to pull away. He held her, looking into her face, pushing her hair back from it. In the full moon's light, she could see his features clearly. Concern but no anger and something else, something softer and deeper that she couldn't describe.
Her heart beat quickly in her chest, expecting something but he just kissed her forehead gently for a moment, "I found your book in his rooms so I know you were with him."
She stilled, his words echoing in her.
"Do not worry, whatever happened between you two it does not matter. Whatever comes of it, I will protect you."
She looked guiltily down at herself before he slipped his fingers under her chin and turned her face back towards him. "Please, do not concern yourself. Lehan made a poor choice. I'm sure that Ilun did not attack without provocation and my brother should never have called you to his rooms to begin with. That is more or less what happened, was it not?"
She nodded, no strength in her to argue or question his words.
"Your maid, Haribit, told me. She came running into my office. I found my brother but I was a bit too late I suppose. It must have taken her some time to locate me."
How, she signed.
He covered her arms with the blanket again. "I don't understand those signs but I will guess you are asking me how I found you?"
She nodded again.
His hand brushed over her chest, his fingers finding the necklace. "This. It is imbued with my magic. I simply traced it back but your pet almost went further than I could track it. Now you understand why I wanted you to keep it on."
She touched his hand that rested upon her skin.
He leaned his head gently against hers, "You are still so warm."
She settled into his arms as he pulled her closer, into his lap, where he let her head rest against his chest. "It has done me no good to keep things from you, my dearest. Even without knowing my feelings you've managed to find your way into plenty of trouble."
Her breath caught in her throat as he spoke, quickly as if the words would never come if he did not say them now.
"I couldn't tell you. I didn't want you to know that this person you had fallen in love with is a monster, I didn't want to hurt you. I thought given enough time and distance you would forget the letters and things would settle but you did not and I could not stay away. And each time I saw you I wanted you more and more but I can't have you Isilla. You know what I am, what I will do if allow myself to feel such pleasure. You've seen what happens with just a kiss. But, I can't stop myself."
She frowned, her words stilled in her. She looked up at his face, wanting to say something but there was no way for her to make him understand, for her to say what she needed to say.
He brushed his hand over his waiting shadows and they released her book to her, pen tucked in the cover, just as she had left it. She took it from him, the first gift he had given her. She opened the cover and he lifted a small flame in his hand to light her words.
I would have accepted you as you were. I know you, she wrote.
"No, my little bird, you know a part of me, someone I wish I were," he said sadly.
Then let me know all of you, she responded.
He pressed his lips against her temple briefly. "You don't know what you're asking of me," he said.
I know what to say now, she thought as she wrote her next words. I am not afraid, she scrawled across the page.
She looked up, his smile soft.
"That," he said touching the tip of her nose, "Is your fever talking. You should return to your bed."
She shifted, pressing her lips against his. He responded instantly, returning her touch, his shadows reaching for her, their touch traveling along her skin, warm and silky. She let her body rest, breaking the connection between them, the effort draining more of her energy than she thought it would.
"My dearest, my heart," he whispered against her as he kissed her cheek. "You are too reckless."
She doubled over, a violent cough racing through her, her book tumbling from her hands with the force of it as she tried to cover her mouth.
Without a word he lifted and carried her back to her bed, settling her under the covers. He brought the light back, low and warm in the room. Retrieving the bottle and spoon from where Haribit had left it, he poured a dose out for her.
She swallowed the horrible liquid, frowning at it as it went down her throat.
"Hmm," he said bending to the floor. He smiled as he lifted the small stuffed animal, tucking it back into bed with her. "I see Julen even came to visit with you today."
She nodded, already drowsy from the medication. Ilun curled up on the opposite side, his body a weight against her.
"I'm going to stay in your sitting room tonight. I'll leave when Haribit comes in the morning but I will be back to see you," he said.
She frowned, reaching for his hand. He kissed her knuckles and then her fingertips. "Do not fret, I will not stay away long."
There was something else she needed to ask him and she forced herself back up. He held her arms, pressing gently on them to urge her back down and she shook her head. Frowning she touched her chest and then his, hoping he understood.
"Yes," he said softly, "But for now, you are alright, it can wait a bit until you are better. Lehan cannot come here, he is too hurt. And I want," he paused searching for the right words, "for us to be better. For there to be no more mistrust or secrets. I want you to be sure of me."
She nodded and touched his face before picking up his hand again. 'Stay,' she wrote in his palm as she had done earlier.
He smiled gently as he settled on the bed, pushing her down to the pillow, "I will stay here until you fall asleep and then I'll just be in the other room."
She nodded.
"Isilla," his tone changed, and she pulled herself back from the haze she was beginning to fall into. "This is not a dream, is it? I was dreaming of you before I woke, I'm sure. I think you told me it was dream, but this, this is real, isn't it?"
She reached for his hand and pressed it against her forehead. He pulled his hand back and bent, kissing the spot. "Ah, I understand. You were not sick in my dream. Goodnight, my Isilla."
There's so much I have to tell him, she thought as she drifted back into sleep. But for now, this is enough, she thought as his hand stroked her back, her body, tired and sore, falling back into sleep.
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She looked around in the darkness, attempting to identify the noise that had stirred her. Finally she found it, the bird had fallen from her sheets, the weighted bottom enough of an unfamiliar sound in the dead quiet to wake her.
Full dark, she tried to place the time but came up without one. Her body ached and shivered with fever but her head felt, at least, a bit, more clear than it had before she slept. She coughed and shivered as she climbed from the bed. Her bedroom door stood open just a hair, the moonlight filtering into her room.
She pushed open the door to find the room washed in moonlight. Arren laid on the couch, fast asleep still in his clothes, his boots placed neatly on the floor by the arm of the couch.
The gentle beams did nothing to disturb him, their light revealing his sleeping face to her. The shadows that plagued him were still, thick pools of mist that moved as she stepped through them. Asleep, he gave them no direction, no desire led them so they collected, waiting along the floor.
She walked over to him. His hair fell in thick curls over his forehead, the tight line of his lips missing, instead, they sat half parted as if he were about to say something. Everything about him, more relaxed and vulnerable in sleep. A blanket covered his torso, his long body taking up the entire couch.
I wonder if he misses me in his dream, she thought as she brushed his hair back gently and he sighed in his sleep. She sat on the floor beside the couch and leaned her head against his body. He shifted but didn't wake. Ilun joined her leaning against her other side, wrapping his large body around her, providing some warmth. He blended with Arren's shadows near perfectly in the darkness.
She touched her lips, the touch of his on them still fresh, the memory sending shivers through her. What was I going to say, she thought, what answer would I have given if he let me speak?
"Isilla?" he mumbled half asleep still, his shadows reacting a moment before him to touch her before his fingers ran over her thick, sleep tossed curls.
She smiled sheepishly at him in the moonlight as he rose, pushing his body on to his elbow, turning to her. He stared down at her in the moonlight, his fingers running delicately along her face, his thumb stopping at her lips.
Does he remember, she thought for a breath before he lowered his face and kissed her, the touch of his lips gentler and more questioning then it had been in the Veil. A flush of pleasure at the touch washed over her body. He ended the kiss slowly, pulling away from her.
"You shouldn't be on the floor. Why aren't you in bed?" he asked.
She spread her hands in front of her. He took them, swallowing them in his own, pulling her gently on to the couch and into his arms. "And in just your nightgown. It's too cold for you," he scolded gently as he wrapped them both in the blanket that covered him.
She tucked her bare feet under her leaned against his chest, letting him hold her. In the darkness the world was still, the only sounds Arren's breath, Ilun's tail on the carpet. Arren took her hand in his own again, rubbing his thumb gently over her knuckles.
"Did my brother," he paused collecting his thoughts, "Did he hurt you?" he asked finally.
She shook her head and tried to pull away. He held her, looking into her face, pushing her hair back from it. In the full moon's light, she could see his features clearly. Concern but no anger and something else, something softer and deeper that she couldn't describe.
Her heart beat quickly in her chest, expecting something but he just kissed her forehead gently for a moment, "I found your book in his rooms so I know you were with him."
She stilled, his words echoing in her.
"Do not worry, whatever happened between you two it does not matter. Whatever comes of it, I will protect you."
She looked guiltily down at herself before he slipped his fingers under her chin and turned her face back towards him. "Please, do not concern yourself. Lehan made a poor choice. I'm sure that Ilun did not attack without provocation and my brother should never have called you to his rooms to begin with. That is more or less what happened, was it not?"
She nodded, no strength in her to argue or question his words.
"Your maid, Haribit, told me. She came running into my office. I found my brother but I was a bit too late I suppose. It must have taken her some time to locate me."
How, she signed.
He covered her arms with the blanket again. "I don't understand those signs but I will guess you are asking me how I found you?"
She nodded again.
His hand brushed over her chest, his fingers finding the necklace. "This. It is imbued with my magic. I simply traced it back but your pet almost went further than I could track it. Now you understand why I wanted you to keep it on."
She touched his hand that rested upon her skin.
He leaned his head gently against hers, "You are still so warm."
She settled into his arms as he pulled her closer, into his lap, where he let her head rest against his chest. "It has done me no good to keep things from you, my dearest. Even without knowing my feelings you've managed to find your way into plenty of trouble."
Her breath caught in her throat as he spoke, quickly as if the words would never come if he did not say them now.
"I couldn't tell you. I didn't want you to know that this person you had fallen in love with is a monster, I didn't want to hurt you. I thought given enough time and distance you would forget the letters and things would settle but you did not and I could not stay away. And each time I saw you I wanted you more and more but I can't have you Isilla. You know what I am, what I will do if allow myself to feel such pleasure. You've seen what happens with just a kiss. But, I can't stop myself."
She frowned, her words stilled in her. She looked up at his face, wanting to say something but there was no way for her to make him understand, for her to say what she needed to say.
He brushed his hand over his waiting shadows and they released her book to her, pen tucked in the cover, just as she had left it. She took it from him, the first gift he had given her. She opened the cover and he lifted a small flame in his hand to light her words.
I would have accepted you as you were. I know you, she wrote.
"No, my little bird, you know a part of me, someone I wish I were," he said sadly.
Then let me know all of you, she responded.
He pressed his lips against her temple briefly. "You don't know what you're asking of me," he said.
I know what to say now, she thought as she wrote her next words. I am not afraid, she scrawled across the page.
She looked up, his smile soft.
"That," he said touching the tip of her nose, "Is your fever talking. You should return to your bed."
She shifted, pressing her lips against his. He responded instantly, returning her touch, his shadows reaching for her, their touch traveling along her skin, warm and silky. She let her body rest, breaking the connection between them, the effort draining more of her energy than she thought it would.
"My dearest, my heart," he whispered against her as he kissed her cheek. "You are too reckless."
She doubled over, a violent cough racing through her, her book tumbling from her hands with the force of it as she tried to cover her mouth.
Without a word he lifted and carried her back to her bed, settling her under the covers. He brought the light back, low and warm in the room. Retrieving the bottle and spoon from where Haribit had left it, he poured a dose out for her.
She swallowed the horrible liquid, frowning at it as it went down her throat.
"Hmm," he said bending to the floor. He smiled as he lifted the small stuffed animal, tucking it back into bed with her. "I see Julen even came to visit with you today."
She nodded, already drowsy from the medication. Ilun curled up on the opposite side, his body a weight against her.
"I'm going to stay in your sitting room tonight. I'll leave when Haribit comes in the morning but I will be back to see you," he said.
She frowned, reaching for his hand. He kissed her knuckles and then her fingertips. "Do not fret, I will not stay away long."
There was something else she needed to ask him and she forced herself back up. He held her arms, pressing gently on them to urge her back down and she shook her head. Frowning she touched her chest and then his, hoping he understood.
"Yes," he said softly, "But for now, you are alright, it can wait a bit until you are better. Lehan cannot come here, he is too hurt. And I want," he paused searching for the right words, "for us to be better. For there to be no more mistrust or secrets. I want you to be sure of me."
She nodded and touched his face before picking up his hand again. 'Stay,' she wrote in his palm as she had done earlier.
He smiled gently as he settled on the bed, pushing her down to the pillow, "I will stay here until you fall asleep and then I'll just be in the other room."
She nodded.
"Isilla," his tone changed, and she pulled herself back from the haze she was beginning to fall into. "This is not a dream, is it? I was dreaming of you before I woke, I'm sure. I think you told me it was dream, but this, this is real, isn't it?"
She reached for his hand and pressed it against her forehead. He pulled his hand back and bent, kissing the spot. "Ah, I understand. You were not sick in my dream. Goodnight, my Isilla."
There's so much I have to tell him, she thought as she drifted back into sleep. But for now, this is enough, she thought as his hand stroked her back, her body, tired and sore, falling back into sleep.
She looked around in the darkness, attempting to identify the noise that had stirred her. Finally she found it, the bird had fallen from her sheets, the weighted bottom enough of an unfamiliar sound in the dead quiet to wake her.Full dark, she tried to place the time but came up without one. Her body ached and shivered with fever but her head felt, at least, a bit, more clear than it had before she slept. She coughed and shivered as she climbed from the bed. Her bedroom door stood open just a hair, the moonlight filtering into her room.She pushed open the door to find the room washed in moonlight. Arren laid on the couch, fast asleep still in his clothes, his boots placed neatly on the floor by the arm of the couch.The gentle beams did nothing to disturb him, their light revealing his sleeping face to her. The shadows that plagued him were still, thick pools of mist that moved as she stepped through them. Asleep, he gave them no direction, no desire led them so they collected, waiting along the floor.She walked over to him. His hair fell in thick curls over his forehead, the tight line of his lips missing, instead, they sat half parted as if he were about to say something. Everything about him, more relaxed and vulnerable in sleep. A blanket covered his torso, his long body taking up the entire couch.I wonder if he misses me in his dream, she thought as she brushed his hair back gently and he sighed in his sleep. She sat on the floor beside the couch and leaned her head against his body. He shifted but didn't wake. Ilun joined her leaning against her other side, wrapping his large body around her, providing some warmth. He blended with Arren's shadows near perfectly in the darkness.She touched her lips, the touch of his on them still fresh, the memory sending shivers through her. What was I going to say, she thought, what answer would I have given if he let me speak?"Isilla?" he mumbled half asleep still, his shadows reacting a moment before him to touch her before his fingers ran over her thick, sleep tossed curls.She smiled sheepishly at him in the moonlight as he rose, pushing his body on to his elbow, turning to her. He stared down at her in the moonlight, his fingers running delicately along her face, his thumb stopping at her lips.Does he remember, she thought for a breath before he lowered his face and kissed her, the touch of his lips gentler and more questioning then it had been in the Veil. A flush of pleasure at the touch washed over her body. He ended the kiss slowly, pulling away from her."You shouldn't be on the floor. Why aren't you in bed?" he asked.She spread her hands in front of her. He took them, swallowing them in his own, pulling her gently on to the couch and into his arms. "And in just your nightgown. It's too cold for you," he scolded gently as he wrapped them both in the blanket that covered him.She tucked her bare feet under her leaned against his chest, letting him hold her. In the darkness the world was still, the only sounds Arren's breath, Ilun's tail on the carpet. Arren took her hand in his own again, rubbing his thumb gently over her knuckles."Did my brother," he paused collecting his thoughts, "Did he hurt you?" he asked finally.She shook her head and tried to pull away. He held her, looking into her face, pushing her hair back from it. In the full moon's light, she could see his features clearly. Concern but no anger and something else, something softer and deeper that she couldn't describe.Her heart beat quickly in her chest, expecting something but he just kissed her forehead gently for a moment, "I found your book in his rooms so I know you were with him."She stilled, his words echoing in her."Do not worry, whatever happened between you two it does not matter. Whatever comes of it, I will protect you."She looked guiltily down at herself before he slipped his fingers under her chin and turned her face back towards him. "Please, do not concern yourself. Lehan made a poor choice. I'm sure that Ilun did not attack without provocation and my brother should never have called you to his rooms to begin with. That is more or less what happened, was it not?"She nodded, no strength in her to argue or question his words."Your maid, Haribit, told me. She came running into my office. I found my brother but I was a bit too late I suppose. It must have taken her some time to locate me."How, she signed.He covered her arms with the blanket again. "I don't understand those signs but I will guess you are asking me how I found you?"She nodded again.His hand brushed over her chest, his fingers finding the necklace. "This. It is imbued with my magic. I simply traced it back but your pet almost went further than I could track it. Now you understand why I wanted you to keep it on."She touched his hand that rested upon her skin.He leaned his head gently against hers, "You are still so warm."She settled into his arms as he pulled her closer, into his lap, where he let her head rest against his chest. "It has done me no good to keep things from you, my dearest. Even without knowing my feelings you've managed to find your way into plenty of trouble."Her breath caught in her throat as he spoke, quickly as if the words would never come if he did not say them now."I couldn't tell you. I didn't want you to know that this person you had fallen in love with is a monster, I didn't want to hurt you. I thought given enough time and distance you would forget the letters and things would settle but you did not and I could not stay away. And each time I saw you I wanted you more and more but I can't have you Isilla. You know what I am, what I will do if allow myself to feel such pleasure. You've seen what happens with just a kiss. But, I can't stop myself."She frowned, her words stilled in her. She looked up at his face, wanting to say something but there was no way for her to make him understand, for her to say what she needed to say.He brushed his hand over his waiting shadows and they released her book to her, pen tucked in the cover, just as she had left it. She took it from him, the first gift he had given her. She opened the cover and he lifted a small flame in his hand to light her words.I would have accepted you as you were. I know you, she wrote."No, my little bird, you know a part of me, someone I wish I were," he said sadly.Then let me know all of you, she responded.He pressed his lips against her temple briefly. "You don't know what you're asking of me," he said.I know what to say now, she thought as she wrote her next words. I am not afraid, she scrawled across the page.She looked up, his smile soft."That," he said touching the tip of her nose, "Is your fever talking. You should return to your bed."She shifted, pressing her lips against his. He responded instantly, returning her touch, his shadows reaching for her, their touch traveling along her skin, warm and silky. She let her body rest, breaking the connection between them, the effort draining more of her energy than she thought it would."My dearest, my heart," he whispered against her as he kissed her cheek. "You are too reckless."She doubled over, a violent cough racing through her, her book tumbling from her hands with the force of it as she tried to cover her mouth.Without a word he lifted and carried her back to her bed, settling her under the covers. He brought the light back, low and warm in the room. Retrieving the bottle and spoon from where Haribit had left it, he poured a dose out for her.She swallowed the horrible liquid, frowning at it as it went down her throat."Hmm," he said bending to the floor. He smiled as he lifted the small stuffed animal, tucking it back into bed with her. "I see Julen even came to visit with you today."She nodded, already drowsy from the medication. Ilun curled up on the opposite side, his body a weight against her."I'm going to stay in your sitting room tonight. I'll leave when Haribit comes in the morning but I will be back to see you," he said.She frowned, reaching for his hand. He kissed her knuckles and then her fingertips. "Do not fret, I will not stay away long."There was something else she needed to ask him and she forced herself back up. He held her arms, pressing gently on them to urge her back down and she shook her head. Frowning she touched her chest and then his, hoping he understood."Yes," he said softly, "But for now, you are alright, it can wait a bit until you are better. Lehan cannot come here, he is too hurt. And I want," he paused searching for the right words, "for us to be better. For there to be no more mistrust or secrets. I want you to be sure of me."She nodded and touched his face before picking up his hand again. 'Stay,' she wrote in his palm as she had done earlier.He smiled gently as he settled on the bed, pushing her down to the pillow, "I will stay here until you fall asleep and then I'll just be in the other room."She nodded."Isilla," his tone changed, and she pulled herself back from the haze she was beginning to fall into. "This is not a dream, is it? I was dreaming of you before I woke, I'm sure. I think you told me it was dream, but this, this is real, isn't it?"She reached for his hand and pressed it against her forehead. He pulled his hand back and bent, kissing the spot. "Ah, I understand. You were not sick in my dream. Goodnight, my Isilla."There's so much I have to tell him, she thought as she drifted back into sleep. But for now, this is enough, she thought as his hand stroked her back, her body, tired and sore, falling back into sleep.
