Soon after I'd declared my preparations complete, I found myself climbing down the gnarled oak tree outside my bedroom window.
Reaching up from behind the Royal Villa's walls, it was so ancient and gangly that its branches almost seemed to scoop me from my window. Sadly, it wasn't so gentle as to lower me down. I had to do that myself.
That's not to say I've ever climbed a tree before, of course. Perhaps some wild daughter of a countryside noble would be happy to disgrace herself with such slovenly antics, but as a girl of royal standing, I would never sully my name with an action as barbaric as climbing a tree. Nope. Not at all.
Why, the fact that I was very good at it was not indicative of experience. Only that I was naturally gifted. The way my feet landed on every bough without looking? Naturally gifted. The way my hands sought out familiar twigs without looking? Naturally gifted. I had never once climbed a tree. Especially if it was to evade the heavy textbook of my mathematics tutor. And any guard or servant to say otherwise is guilty of perjury.
I gradually lowered myself down the weathered oak, pausing only to admire the radiant moon in the night sky. Its said that the moon reflected the stars, and as I'm the greatest star of them all, it's no wonder it was so lovely this night where I was about.
“... here anymore. It's ...”
“... late now. You agreed to ...”
Unfortunately, even this brief respite from my dramatic escape wasn't afforded to me.
As though the heavens were intent on throwing a few trip hazards onto my departure, I was stunned to hear voices coming from the base of the tree.
I peered down through the leaves, angling myself as best I could in order view who could possibly be having a midnight rendezvous under my escape path. My thoughts turned to the head chef at once. And then those thoughts turned to horror.
Fraternising with the maids was one thing. But doing so under my tree? Behind my bedroom? Now, that was quite another.
Once I was back, I'd need to put a stop to this romance business. There were better ways for the staff to spend their time. Such as work.
Leaning forwards as much as I dared, I narrowed my eyes as I attempted to discern the identities of the two figures beneath me.
“This has to be the last time. It's too dangerous. Someone's watching me. Following me. I can tell. Here. Take it. Everything you want is here.”
“The last time? The last time is when we decide it is, fool. Until your debt is paid, you owe us your lives.”
“I've already paid my debt. I've paid it twice over. This is too much. It's too dangerous.”
“You don't know what dangerous is if you think you can call it quits. Give me that. And take this.”
“This … This is ...”
“More than enough. Now scram. Before your ghost smells you quaking in your loins.”
I leaned down as far as I could. It was clearly the silhouettes of two men. Yet their faces were hidden and their voices hushed. Even so, I caught brief snippets of their conversation. There was talk of debts, threats and veiled warnings. And there—right there, was the sound of a pouch of coins clinking in the night.
I held my breath to stop my sigh of relief.
This wasn't a romantic rendezvous. It was just extortion.
The virtue of the area behind my bedroom was safe.
As I muttered a quiet prayer that this would always remain the case, a ray of moonlight jostled through the branches and caught the face of one of the men. To my surprise, I realised that I recognised the man's face.
It was one of the servants.
I was appalled.
Not only was precious memory being used to remember the faces of our staff, but I knew from the look of stupidity on this man's face that it could only have been the new hire who'd spilled chamomile tea all over my extravagant new dress just the other morning!
Meaning that right now, he was already indebted to me!
Suddenly, fury washed through me.
This man was barely paid a pittance! He was worked day and night to the bone just to slowly make amends for his outrageous clumsiness! How dare anyone seek to extort someone I was already making penniless! How was he supposed to feel contrition towards me if he had multiple debts to satisfy?
I released the branch I was holding—and dropped down.
“W-What?!”
“Who is … P-Princess?!”
I winced as the length of the drop exceeded my expectations. Even so, I jumped and raised myself to my full stature, before directing my scowl towards the servant.
“You! What is the meaning of this?”
His response was to suck in a gasp of air. It did nothing to change the hue of his face, which was now whiter than the moonlight.
“P-Princess … This … This isn't what it looks like! I swear!”
“No?” I looked pointedly at the significantly sized pouch of coins he was holding to his chest. How many crowns had to be in there? “That bag! What is that?”
“Please … I didn't … I never meant to ...”
“Enough.”
I turned to the other individual. I regretted it at once.
A foul odour emanated from more than this person's breath. Between his pockmarked face and clothing stained with more than mud, it was clear that soap wasn't one of the things he purchased using the money he extorted from this servant.
I forced myself not to step away, instead facing down this hygiene-averse individual with my finest look of righteous grievance.
“You! What are you doing? I don't know what debt you're trying to exact, but that massive bag of money must surely constitute his entire life savings! No, he could never have accumulated that much while he owes me for a new dress. It's reasonable to assume that he must have borrowed it. How is he supposed to make good on his other obligations while he drowns in further debt?”
That's right!
Everything must be done in moderation. And that includes extortion. Who is this imbecile who has no respect for sustainable financing? This is clearly the type of man who would cut down a forest to build a campfire.
I waited for the man to speak. His mouth opened wordlessly, his foul breath uninhibited. I was forced to step back.
“W-What is this … you were waiting?!” He looked up, then turned his attention to the servant. “What is this?! Have you betrayed us?!”
The servant rapidly shook his head. What little blood remained in his face quickly drained away.
“I don't know! I don't know why the princess is here!”
“Tch, the guards! Where … Where are they?! I don't see anyone!”
I placed my hand on my chest and upped my scowl, irked that I had to regain this suspicious man's attention.
“That's because you're speaking with me alone. I don't know what business you have with one of my servants, but as princess, I command that you immediately desist in collecting any outstanding debts until such time that he fulfils his obligations to his direct employer first. That is all. I'll broach no argument on the matter.”
The man looked tense as he continued to pay me little attention. Instead, his eyes took in our surroundings. And then he did the same with his ears.
After several moments had passed, he broke into a broad, chipped-tooth grin.
“Oi, oi, are you actually the princess? Are you insane? All that fancy wine you drink make it to your head? You eavesdrop and then show up like this, all on your own ...”
The servant noticeably quaked. The crowns in his pouch jingled along with him.
“P-Princess! … You must ...”
“Shut it, fool! Or I'll have your family pay your debt long after you're gone!”
I received a look of overwhelming ill-intent as the man's smile lit up with greed.
“Well, I wasn't expecting this. Don't think the boss was, either. But who am I to turn down a free princess? Reckon you'll fetch for a pretty mighty sum, eh? And look, you've already left your walls for me. I don't even need to escape. Now, you want to walk or you want to ride on—”
As the man stepped towards me, I pulled my heel back, placed my full power in my boot, and then aimed for the area my father had explicitly warned me only to strike when I didn't want someone to die, but make them wish that they did.
“[Princess Boot]!”
“Uggggggggggg100......”
The man collapsed at once.
“Your malevolent intentions will have to wait. I'm in a rush.” I clicked my fingers at the shocked servant. “You there. This man is clearly a scoundrel. Inform the guards of his presence and instruct them that he is to be sentenced to scrubbing himself with 100,000,000 bars of soap. While he's working to repair his hygiene deficiencies, he won't be in a position to trouble you. Consider that debt fulfilled. Note, however, that mine still applies. I expect you to work hard for the future prosperity of this kingdom. Is that clear?”
“P-Princess, his body is … it's spasming …”
I placed my hand atop the heavy bag of coins, then smiled kindly at the quivering servant.
“Please ensure you borrow responsibly. If this coin is not yours, then return it. As long as you're in service to me, my debts take precedence. But do not fear. Even should your bones become too weary to carry the burden of your monthly instalments, as long as you wholeheartedly strive to wade through your oceans of financial ruin, I will be there patiently waiting for you at the shoreline.”
Tears began to well up in the corner of the servant's eyes. I nodded in satisfaction. Indeed, these were the tears of gratefulness that I expected from all my loyal retainers.
“T-Thank you, Princess … You are … You are most merciful ...”
“Indeed, I am.”
I smiled, stepped over the man with froth building up in his mouth, then prepared to make my daring dash for the nearby village.
For the first time, I peered at the verdant green fields beyond the Royal Villa's walls without a carriage window to dull my view. The brilliant moonlight lit up a cobblestone road rolling down the hill, the majestic light almost seeming to usher me onto my path.
Chirping crickets, rustling leaves and the pitiful groans of a man at death's door were my choir as I was shown the exit from one world and into the next.
As I stared at the faintest outline of a steeple in the distance, I wondered what that simmering feeling welling up inside my tummy was. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but warm. And I knew what it made me want to do.
“P-Princess?” asked the servant, audibly swallowing a gulp. “If … If I may ask … why are you here?”
I glanced back.
“The princess was never here. She's currently asleep in her tower.”
Yes, indeed. The girl who was leaving this night wasn't a princess.
I was a knight in … well, not shining armour, but I had a shining sword. And I would wield it as this kingdom's defender. Perhaps not very well, but that hardly matters. No matter what ills have befallen my homeland, I will solve it with strength of mind and the boot of authority. That is the role I was born into. A very challenging role, where I could nap, read, paint, knit, garden, and roll about in the grass to my heart's content.
For the sake of protecting my current lifestyle … I will restore the kingdom's finances!
Soon after I'd declared my preparations complete, I found myself climbing down the gnarled oak tree outside my bedroom window.
Reaching up from behind the Royal Villa's walls, it was so ancient and gangly that its branches almost seemed to scoop me from my window. Sadly, it wasn't so gentle as to lower me down. I had to do that myself.
That's not to say I've ever climbed a tree before, of course. Perhaps some wild daughter of a countryside noble would be happy to disgrace herself with such slovenly antics, but as a girl of royal standing, I would never sully my name with an action as barbaric as climbing a tree. Nope. Not at all.
Why, the fact that I was very good at it was not indicative of experience. Only that I was naturally gifted. The way my feet landed on every bough without looking? Naturally gifted. The way my hands sought out familiar twigs without looking? Naturally gifted. I had never once climbed a tree. Especially if it was to evade the heavy textbook of my mathematics tutor. And any guard or servant to say otherwise is guilty of perjury.
I gradually lowered myself down the weathered oak, pausing only to admire the radiant moon in the night sky. Its said that the moon reflected the stars, and as I'm the greatest star of them all, it's no wonder it was so lovely this night where I was about.
“... here anymore. It's ...”
“... late now. You agreed to ...”
Unfortunately, even this brief respite from my dramatic escape wasn't afforded to me.
As though the heavens were intent on throwing a few trip hazards onto my departure, I was stunned to hear voices coming from the base of the tree.
I peered down through the leaves, angling myself as best I could in order view who could possibly be having a midnight rendezvous under my escape path. My thoughts turned to the head chef at once. And then those thoughts turned to horror.
Fraternising with the maids was one thing. But doing so under my tree? Behind my bedroom? Now, that was quite another.
Once I was back, I'd need to put a stop to this romance business. There were better ways for the staff to spend their time. Such as work.
Leaning forwards as much as I dared, I narrowed my eyes as I attempted to discern the identities of the two figures beneath me.
“This has to be the last time. It's too dangerous. Someone's watching me. Following me. I can tell. Here. Take it. Everything you want is here.”
“The last time? The last time is when we decide it is, fool. Until your debt is paid, you owe us your lives.”
“I've already paid my debt. I've paid it twice over. This is too much. It's too dangerous.”
“You don't know what dangerous is if you think you can call it quits. Give me that. And take this.”
“This … This is ...”
“More than enough. Now scram. Before your ghost smells you quaking in your loins.”
I leaned down as far as I could. It was clearly the silhouettes of two men. Yet their faces were hidden and their voices hushed. Even so, I caught brief snippets of their conversation. There was talk of debts, threats and veiled warnings. And there—right there, was the sound of a pouch of coins clinking in the night.
I held my breath to stop my sigh of relief.
This wasn't a romantic rendezvous. It was just extortion.
The virtue of the area behind my bedroom was safe.
As I muttered a quiet prayer that this would always remain the case, a ray of moonlight jostled through the branches and caught the face of one of the men. To my surprise, I realised that I recognised the man's face.
It was one of the servants.
I was appalled.
Not only was precious memory being used to remember the faces of our staff, but I knew from the look of stupidity on this man's face that it could only have been the new hire who'd spilled chamomile tea all over my extravagant new dress just the other morning!
Meaning that right now, he was already indebted to me!
Suddenly, fury washed through me.
This man was barely paid a pittance! He was worked day and night to the bone just to slowly make amends for his outrageous clumsiness! How dare anyone seek to extort someone I was already making penniless! How was he supposed to feel contrition towards me if he had multiple debts to satisfy?
I released the branch I was holding—and dropped down.
“W-What?!”
“Who is … P-Princess?!”
I winced as the length of the drop exceeded my expectations. Even so, I jumped and raised myself to my full stature, before directing my scowl towards the servant.
“You! What is the meaning of this?”
His response was to suck in a gasp of air. It did nothing to change the hue of his face, which was now whiter than the moonlight.
“P-Princess … This … This isn't what it looks like! I swear!”
“No?” I looked pointedly at the significantly sized pouch of coins he was holding to his chest. How many crowns had to be in there? “That bag! What is that?”
“Please … I didn't … I never meant to ...”
“Enough.”
I turned to the other individual. I regretted it at once.
A foul odour emanated from more than this person's breath. Between his pockmarked face and clothing stained with more than mud, it was clear that soap wasn't one of the things he purchased using the money he extorted from this servant.
I forced myself not to step away, instead facing down this hygiene-averse individual with my finest look of righteous grievance.
“You! What are you doing? I don't know what debt you're trying to exact, but that massive bag of money must surely constitute his entire life savings! No, he could never have accumulated that much while he owes me for a new dress. It's reasonable to assume that he must have borrowed it. How is he supposed to make good on his other obligations while he drowns in further debt?”
That's right!
Everything must be done in moderation. And that includes extortion. Who is this imbecile who has no respect for sustainable financing? This is clearly the type of man who would cut down a forest to build a campfire.
I waited for the man to speak. His mouth opened wordlessly, his foul breath uninhibited. I was forced to step back.
“W-What is this … you were waiting?!” He looked up, then turned his attention to the servant. “What is this?! Have you betrayed us?!”
The servant rapidly shook his head. What little blood remained in his face quickly drained away.
“I don't know! I don't know why the princess is here!”
“Tch, the guards! Where … Where are they?! I don't see anyone!”
I placed my hand on my chest and upped my scowl, irked that I had to regain this suspicious man's attention.
“That's because you're speaking with me alone. I don't know what business you have with one of my servants, but as princess, I command that you immediately desist in collecting any outstanding debts until such time that he fulfils his obligations to his direct employer first. That is all. I'll broach no argument on the matter.”
The man looked tense as he continued to pay me little attention. Instead, his eyes took in our surroundings. And then he did the same with his ears.
After several moments had passed, he broke into a broad, chipped-tooth grin.
“Oi, oi, are you actually the princess? Are you insane? All that fancy wine you drink make it to your head? You eavesdrop and then show up like this, all on your own ...”
The servant noticeably quaked. The crowns in his pouch jingled along with him.
“P-Princess! … You must ...”
“Shut it, fool! Or I'll have your family pay your debt long after you're gone!”
I received a look of overwhelming ill-intent as the man's smile lit up with greed.
“Well, I wasn't expecting this. Don't think the boss was, either. But who am I to turn down a free princess? Reckon you'll fetch for a pretty mighty sum, eh? And look, you've already left your walls for me. I don't even need to escape. Now, you want to walk or you want to ride on—”
As the man stepped towards me, I pulled my heel back, placed my full power in my boot, and then aimed for the area my father had explicitly warned me only to strike when I didn't want someone to die, but make them wish that they did.
“[Princess Boot]!”
“Uggggggggggg100......”
The man collapsed at once.
“Your malevolent intentions will have to wait. I'm in a rush.” I clicked my fingers at the shocked servant. “You there. This man is clearly a scoundrel. Inform the guards of his presence and instruct them that he is to be sentenced to scrubbing himself with 100,000,000 bars of soap. While he's working to repair his hygiene deficiencies, he won't be in a position to trouble you. Consider that debt fulfilled. Note, however, that mine still applies. I expect you to work hard for the future prosperity of this kingdom. Is that clear?”
“P-Princess, his body is … it's spasming …”
I placed my hand atop the heavy bag of coins, then smiled kindly at the quivering servant.
“Please ensure you borrow responsibly. If this coin is not yours, then return it. As long as you're in service to me, my debts take precedence. But do not fear. Even should your bones become too weary to carry the burden of your monthly instalments, as long as you wholeheartedly strive to wade through your oceans of financial ruin, I will be there patiently waiting for you at the shoreline.”
Tears began to well up in the corner of the servant's eyes. I nodded in satisfaction. Indeed, these were the tears of gratefulness that I expected from all my loyal retainers.
“T-Thank you, Princess … You are … You are most merciful ...”
“Indeed, I am.”
I smiled, stepped over the man with froth building up in his mouth, then prepared to make my daring dash for the nearby village.
For the first time, I peered at the verdant green fields beyond the Royal Villa's walls without a carriage window to dull my view. The brilliant moonlight lit up a cobblestone road rolling down the hill, the majestic light almost seeming to usher me onto my path.
Chirping crickets, rustling leaves and the pitiful groans of a man at death's door were my choir as I was shown the exit from one world and into the next.
As I stared at the faintest outline of a steeple in the distance, I wondered what that simmering feeling welling up inside my tummy was. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but warm. And I knew what it made me want to do.
“P-Princess?” asked the servant, audibly swallowing a gulp. “If … If I may ask … why are you here?”
I glanced back.
“The princess was never here. She's currently asleep in her tower.”
Yes, indeed. The girl who was leaving this night wasn't a princess.
I was a knight in … well, not shining armour, but I had a shining sword. And I would wield it as this kingdom's defender. Perhaps not very well, but that hardly matters. No matter what ills have befallen my homeland, I will solve it with strength of mind and the boot of authority. That is the role I was born into. A very challenging role, where I could nap, read, paint, knit, garden, and roll about in the grass to my heart's content.
For the sake of protecting my current lifestyle … I will restore the kingdom's finances!
