Chapter 164
Uncharacteristically, Kishiar delayed his reply again at the words of the empress, who carefully chose her expression. It felt as if he had been unexpectedly pricked, far more so than any insubstantial attack from Katchian.
"Was I wrong?"
"No."
After responding reflexively, Kishiar rubbed the corners of his mouth where his smile had faded, a slight frown appearing on his face.
"You're right. I... I did."
"But why do you look like that?"
Upon hearing the Empress's suspicious question, Kishiar quickly changed his expression. His usual smile surfaced between his fingers.
"I'm just surprised. You seem to know me better than I know myself."
"You said earlier that I still don't know you well, and now you're saying that I know you too well. Which one is true?"
"Both, of course."
After saying that, Kishiar quickly added a witty explanation before the Empress could respond.
"It's a secret, but I'm actually like a box with about six sides. When one side is visible, the other side is naturally invisible, so it's only natural that you might know me well and yet not know me at all."
"My, you're quite the talker."
The Empress momentarily forgot the gravity of their situation and let out a deep laugh, as if sighing.
"I wish His Majesty could also tactfully handle matters like you do... "
A candid remark slipped out unintentionally, carrying with it an unmistakable sorrow. Kishiar quietly asked a question as he looked at the shadowed face of the Empress.
"Is His Majesty's condition getting worse?"
The Empress, who had been biting her lips tightly, nodded.
"His sleep time has decreased. The palace head said that he wakes up often due to pain, even when he's asleep. But whenever he sees me, he always says he's fine... Sometimes, I find that the hardest to bear."
"He must be worried that the Empress might harm her health with her concerns. Don't fret too much."
"I know. It's His Majesty's way of showing affection to me. Such a considerate treatment to me who can't even properly accompany the Crown Prince to dinner. But knowing makes it even harder sometimes."
A fleeting emotion of regret passed over the face of the Empress as she vented her pent-up words.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made such inappropriate remarks at the end. Please forget them."
"Your Majesty."
The Empress, about to turn away, turned her head at Kishiar's call. A wetness clung to the corners of her shadowed eyes. Kishiar scanned the maidservants following behind her and then spoke softly.
"We've been investigating an item in the Cavalry for a while. You may already know."
The Empress blinked at his sudden change of topic. Nonetheless, Kishiar continued.
"Thanks to the competent members and the mage, the investigation is proceeding in a rather interesting way. We don't know the result yet, but everyone is trying to help His Majesty in their own way."
"..."
"Who helped more or less, does it matter that much? Two years ago, if it wasn't for the letters you two sent me, I wouldn't have been able to hang on till the miraculous moment. His Majesty would be happy just knowing you are by his side, so do not doubt his feelings."
"Duke..."
"And the incident that occurred today was an attack intended for me and the Cavalry. It was wise of Her Majesty the Empress not to confront it directly. Those who were at the scene will likely regret today's actions. You may look forward to what follows."
At his words, the corners of the Empress's lips trembled minutely before they turned up slightly.
"Thank you for telling me that."
After the moon's shadow passed over the corridor, Kishiar and the Empress parted in opposite directions, each heading their own way.
—---
His body felt as heavy as water-soaked cotton.
Yuder opened his eyes dully and exhaled deeply. Beyond his hazy view, he caught a glimpse of the darkened night sky.
'Where am I?'
Thinking it a familiar sight, he found himself lying in the most secretive space within the Commander's quarters, located at the very top of the Cavalry barracks. A bed made of beautiful, glossy white wood and stone. A towering dome-shaped ceiling, paneled with glass, allowed him to gaze at the sky. Everything was just as he remembered it, nothing unfamiliar.
'...What happened? Did I... dream?'
Could it be that after he was executed, the whole sequence of events, where he turned back the time of 11 years and started from the beginning, was all a dream and the reality was him lying in the Commander's bedroom now? As soon as he took a deep breath at this chilling conjecture, a large hand reached out from behind and pulled him close, wrapping around his waist.
'...Are you awake?'
Yuder's body stiffened in surprise, but slowly relaxed when he heard the low voice. Without seeing who it was, Yuder immediately recognized the owner of the voice. It was Kishiar La Orr.
The sensation of him breathing lightly with his nose buried in the back of Yuder's head sent a ticklish shiver down his neck.
'I didn't mean to make you faint... I'm sorry.'
'...It's okay.'
After hearing his own voice automatically respond, Yuder finally realized what was going on. It wasn't that he had dreamt of turning back time, but this moment was the real dream.
Indeed, it was easy to be confused since in the decade since becoming the Cavalry Commander, he had never once changed the arrangement of the furniture or items inside the Commander's room. As his muddled mind registered the dream, he began to feel an overwhelming fatigue.
As all the strength left Yuder's body, the hand that had been holding his waist moved slowly, caressing his stomach and chest. The touch was gentle, as if trying to soothe a child to sleep, but it was too affectionate to be seen as just that.
...Come to think of it, it was bare.
His muddled mind suddenly realized that the hand touching him was not, as it usually was, covered by a glove. The surprise came to him late.
Was there ever a day when the man who always wore gloves except in pitch darkness, acted this way? He wanted to look at the state of the hand caressing him, but just as he tried to lower his head, a nip at the soft skin behind his ear sent his thoughts scattering.
'...Hmm.'
As Yuder shook and shivered, the caressing hand became more audacious. Though it was a familiar touch, perhaps due to the fading consciousness of the dream, it felt strange and peculiar, as if he was experiencing it for the first time.
Yes, there was a time when he experienced such a moment. After the man behind him had died, there was not once when he felt anything other than repulsion at the touch of another, but there had certainly been a time when he clenched his teeth in excitement, a weak thrill bubbling within him as another touched his body.
"Hadn't you said you would go to Peletta Castle when night fell?"
"So I did."
"Then why..."
"Why, indeed."
His slow, echoing reply sounded somehow cold and melancholy, or perhaps it was just his imagination. He wanted to look behind him, but his body wouldn't obey, and he was held so tightly, without any space to spare, that turning his head was difficult.
"Is it regret, since you thought this would be your last night here?"
"Regret... yes, perhaps that's it."
"What do you mean by 'perhaps that's it'..."
"Because everything you say is correct."
After spitting out incomprehensible words, Kishiar took another deep breath. Even though it was just a breath that resembled a sigh, Yuder could feel a shiver run down his spine.
The deep breathing. The unstable energy. A voice that betrayed fatigue and weakness. Even in the darkness, Yuder could feel Kishiar as though he were touching him with his own hand. It was a strange sensation of connection with another, as if he had eyes on his back, so alien that he tensed up. Then, in a faint voice, Kishiar called him.
"Yudrain."
"..."
When he didn't reply, the voice called out again.
"Yudrain."
"Yes."
He answered, as if shaking off the cold sensation sticking to the back of his head. The reply came very late.
"You will need to get used to that name now, are you alright with that?"
"After all, there are hardly any who will call me by the Commander's name..."
"Indeed."
Interrupting Yuder's words, Kishiar chuckled softly. It was a laugh that felt strangely melancholic.
"But it's a name chosen with good intention. Please cherish it."
A name chosen with a good intention. Hearing those words, Yuder remembered something suddenly and felt surprised.
The name Yudrain Aile was given to him when he ascended to the position of Commander along with the title of Count. He remembered that clearly but had completely forgotten who had given him the name Yudrain and how he received it.
So it was Kishiar who had given him that name.
But he still couldn't recall what it meant.
"Come to think of it, I forgot to ask what it means. You only said it was High language..."
Even the Yuder of the past had the same thoughts and asked a belated question. The hand stroking his skin stopped right where it was. It was right in between his chest, right below the likely position of his heart.
"..."
In the instant where he was held captive by the chill he felt on the skin above his vital point, Yuder woke up again from his dream.
This time, he truly was in a strange bedroom.
Chapter 164
Uncharacteristically, Kishiar delayed his reply again at the words of the empress, who carefully chose her expression. It felt as if he had been unexpectedly pricked, far more so than any insubstantial attack from Katchian.
"Was I wrong?"
"No."
After responding reflexively, Kishiar rubbed the corners of his mouth where his smile had faded, a slight frown appearing on his face.
"You're right. I... I did."
"But why do you look like that?"
Upon hearing the Empress's suspicious question, Kishiar quickly changed his expression. His usual smile surfaced between his fingers.
"I'm just surprised. You seem to know me better than I know myself."
"You said earlier that I still don't know you well, and now you're saying that I know you too well. Which one is true?"
"Both, of course."
After saying that, Kishiar quickly added a witty explanation before the Empress could respond.
"It's a secret, but I'm actually like a box with about six sides. When one side is visible, the other side is naturally invisible, so it's only natural that you might know me well and yet not know me at all."
"My, you're quite the talker."
The Empress momentarily forgot the gravity of their situation and let out a deep laugh, as if sighing.
"I wish His Majesty could also tactfully handle matters like you do... "
A candid remark slipped out unintentionally, carrying with it an unmistakable sorrow. Kishiar quietly asked a question as he looked at the shadowed face of the Empress.
"Is His Majesty's condition getting worse?"
The Empress, who had been biting her lips tightly, nodded.
"His sleep time has decreased. The palace head said that he wakes up often due to pain, even when he's asleep. But whenever he sees me, he always says he's fine... Sometimes, I find that the hardest to bear."
"He must be worried that the Empress might harm her health with her concerns. Don't fret too much."
"I know. It's His Majesty's way of showing affection to me. Such a considerate treatment to me who can't even properly accompany the Crown Prince to dinner. But knowing makes it even harder sometimes."
A fleeting emotion of regret passed over the face of the Empress as she vented her pent-up words.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made such inappropriate remarks at the end. Please forget them."
"Your Majesty."
The Empress, about to turn away, turned her head at Kishiar's call. A wetness clung to the corners of her shadowed eyes. Kishiar scanned the maidservants following behind her and then spoke softly.
"We've been investigating an item in the Cavalry for a while. You may already know."
The Empress blinked at his sudden change of topic. Nonetheless, Kishiar continued.
"Thanks to the competent members and the mage, the investigation is proceeding in a rather interesting way. We don't know the result yet, but everyone is trying to help His Majesty in their own way."
"..."
"Who helped more or less, does it matter that much? Two years ago, if it wasn't for the letters you two sent me, I wouldn't have been able to hang on till the miraculous moment. His Majesty would be happy just knowing you are by his side, so do not doubt his feelings."
"Duke..."
"And the incident that occurred today was an attack intended for me and the Cavalry. It was wise of Her Majesty the Empress not to confront it directly. Those who were at the scene will likely regret today's actions. You may look forward to what follows."
At his words, the corners of the Empress's lips trembled minutely before they turned up slightly.
"Thank you for telling me that."
After the moon's shadow passed over the corridor, Kishiar and the Empress parted in opposite directions, each heading their own way.
—---
His body felt as heavy as water-soaked cotton.
Yuder opened his eyes dully and exhaled deeply. Beyond his hazy view, he caught a glimpse of the darkened night sky.
'Where am I?'
Thinking it a familiar sight, he found himself lying in the most secretive space within the Commander's quarters, located at the very top of the Cavalry barracks. A bed made of beautiful, glossy white wood and stone. A towering dome-shaped ceiling, paneled with glass, allowed him to gaze at the sky. Everything was just as he remembered it, nothing unfamiliar.
'...What happened? Did I... dream?'
Could it be that after he was executed, the whole sequence of events, where he turned back the time of 11 years and started from the beginning, was all a dream and the reality was him lying in the Commander's bedroom now? As soon as he took a deep breath at this chilling conjecture, a large hand reached out from behind and pulled him close, wrapping around his waist.
'...Are you awake?'
Yuder's body stiffened in surprise, but slowly relaxed when he heard the low voice. Without seeing who it was, Yuder immediately recognized the owner of the voice. It was Kishiar La Orr.
The sensation of him breathing lightly with his nose buried in the back of Yuder's head sent a ticklish shiver down his neck.
'I didn't mean to make you faint... I'm sorry.'
'...It's okay.'
After hearing his own voice automatically respond, Yuder finally realized what was going on. It wasn't that he had dreamt of turning back time, but this moment was the real dream.
Indeed, it was easy to be confused since in the decade since becoming the Cavalry Commander, he had never once changed the arrangement of the furniture or items inside the Commander's room. As his muddled mind registered the dream, he began to feel an overwhelming fatigue.
As all the strength left Yuder's body, the hand that had been holding his waist moved slowly, caressing his stomach and chest. The touch was gentle, as if trying to soothe a child to sleep, but it was too affectionate to be seen as just that.
...Come to think of it, it was bare.
His muddled mind suddenly realized that the hand touching him was not, as it usually was, covered by a glove. The surprise came to him late.
Was there ever a day when the man who always wore gloves except in pitch darkness, acted this way? He wanted to look at the state of the hand caressing him, but just as he tried to lower his head, a nip at the soft skin behind his ear sent his thoughts scattering.
'...Hmm.'
As Yuder shook and shivered, the caressing hand became more audacious. Though it was a familiar touch, perhaps due to the fading consciousness of the dream, it felt strange and peculiar, as if he was experiencing it for the first time.
Yes, there was a time when he experienced such a moment. After the man behind him had died, there was not once when he felt anything other than repulsion at the touch of another, but there had certainly been a time when he clenched his teeth in excitement, a weak thrill bubbling within him as another touched his body.
"Hadn't you said you would go to Peletta Castle when night fell?"
"So I did."
"Then why..."
"Why, indeed."
His slow, echoing reply sounded somehow cold and melancholy, or perhaps it was just his imagination. He wanted to look behind him, but his body wouldn't obey, and he was held so tightly, without any space to spare, that turning his head was difficult.
"Is it regret, since you thought this would be your last night here?"
"Regret... yes, perhaps that's it."
"What do you mean by 'perhaps that's it'..."
"Because everything you say is correct."
After spitting out incomprehensible words, Kishiar took another deep breath. Even though it was just a breath that resembled a sigh, Yuder could feel a shiver run down his spine.
The deep breathing. The unstable energy. A voice that betrayed fatigue and weakness. Even in the darkness, Yuder could feel Kishiar as though he were touching him with his own hand. It was a strange sensation of connection with another, as if he had eyes on his back, so alien that he tensed up. Then, in a faint voice, Kishiar called him.
"Yudrain."
"..."
When he didn't reply, the voice called out again.
"Yudrain."
"Yes."
He answered, as if shaking off the cold sensation sticking to the back of his head. The reply came very late.
"You will need to get used to that name now, are you alright with that?"
"After all, there are hardly any who will call me by the Commander's name..."
"Indeed."
Interrupting Yuder's words, Kishiar chuckled softly. It was a laugh that felt strangely melancholic.
"But it's a name chosen with good intention. Please cherish it."
A name chosen with a good intention. Hearing those words, Yuder remembered something suddenly and felt surprised.
The name Yudrain Aile was given to him when he ascended to the position of Commander along with the title of Count. He remembered that clearly but had completely forgotten who had given him the name Yudrain and how he received it.
So it was Kishiar who had given him that name.
But he still couldn't recall what it meant.
"Come to think of it, I forgot to ask what it means. You only said it was High language..."
Even the Yuder of the past had the same thoughts and asked a belated question. The hand stroking his skin stopped right where it was. It was right in between his chest, right below the likely position of his heart.
"..."
In the instant where he was held captive by the chill he felt on the skin above his vital point, Yuder woke up again from his dream.
This time, he truly was in a strange bedroom.
