"So, it appears you're afraid of something else."
He had just managed to reach the doorknob when he was halted again by an unexpected voice that resonated in his ear. Yuder barely managed to suppress the urge to turn his head. Even at this moment, the force compelling him was vehemently whispering that he should look back.
"Well, no matter. As I've said before, I enjoy breaking through walls..."
He felt the slow approach of footsteps. He thought he should step forward to avoid him, but his feet remained unmoving, as though they were stuck to the ground.
And finally, Kishiar came to a halt right behind him.
"Different times are needed to reach certainty, after all."
Through the light streaming in from the window, Yuder saw his own shadow being completely overlaid by Kishiar's tall form. Their two small shadows on the dark blue door intertwined and stretched out, merging into a single, dark mass. The sight was obscenely strange. The door lay before him, Kishiar behind him. Trapped in between, his mouth grew dry.
To clear his spinning head, Yuder clenched his fists and closed then opened his eyes.
This was merely an extension of the impulses formed due to their overly intense influence on each other during his second gender manifestation. As time passed, this would surely fade, and they could laugh and converse as if it had never happened. It was nothing.
This trembling and heat he felt now would be forgotten later.
'What's important are the tasks ahead, not this.'
‘But what if it wasn't?’
A snake-like voice whispered in his heart.
‘Can you truly guarantee it will become nothing, Yuder Aile?’
Kishiar made it clear that he had no intention of backing down until he achieved what he wanted. He was originally a genius at methodically manipulating and releasing his targets until he achieved his goal. If such a person continuously pushed, could Yuder Aile truly resist and refuse him to the end?
'...I probably can't.'
The answer came very simply.
Running away right now was possible. He had always managed to evade this way so far. But every time he backed down from Kishiar, each subsequent confrontation resulted in an even more intense pull, striking him like a punishment.
As long as the flame he had already felt did not extinguish, it was impossible to escape from this impulse. His instincts made that decision.
'I was too naive.'
Yuder began to regret thinking it would be so easy to stand by Kishiar's side to protect him. He had thought that he wouldn't feel anything upon meeting him again due to the emotions from his past life fading. But it wasn't so.
The man he met again was much more vivid and human than the faint figure in his memories, so charming that it would be strange not to be drawn to him. Yuder realized the fact that he could feel such overwhelming emotions towards someone other than himself only when he met him again by rewinding time.
The emotions awakened by Kishiar La Orr were all things that Yuder Aile hadn't even thought could exist within him.
Neither of them was in heat, and their second gender manifestation had long passed. Yet, this moment by his side felt different in every way from being with anyone else. It felt as though all the desires he had been striving not to acknowledge were abruptly flipped over, revealing their bare, bright red faces.
Frankly, he wasn't sure how long he could resist.
If things continued this way, he would undoubtedly lose control of his body, his emotions. The fact that he knew this frightened him.
"When we touch. When we're conversing."
A hand approached Yuder's silent shoulder, gently touching the door as if to interrupt his train of thought.
"Sometimes, I feel like you're the only one in this world who is like me.
Kishiar’s breath tickled the back of his neck. At the same time, the shadows overlapping the door blurred.
"I feel a relief, a profound liberation that I hadn't experienced before. It's a sweet and pleasurable sensation."
Yuder exhaled thinly, feeling the sensation of Kishiar's hair on his shoulder tickling the back of his neck as though it was a distant sensation.
"I find it amusing to contemplate how much I can show you. I'm looking forward to the next part. And sometimes, I find myself parched with desire, wanting more."
"..."
"Am I the only one who feels this?"
Could he say that he wasn't captivated by him?’
Yuder loosened the tense gaze that he had kept on the closed door and the hand resting upon it. A deep sigh naturally slipped out.
'Damn it.'
Would it have been better if all he wanted was his body, just a primal urge, just like in his past life?
How could one make a cold judgment after hearing such words? The heat began to rise again in his head, which he thought he had barely managed to cool down.
‘Turn around. Turn around now. You want to see it, don't you? How could you resist the opportunity to touch something so captivating?’ The urge continuously prickled beneath his skin, clouding his mind.
"...I think, this is wrong."
At the words he barely managed to spit out, the weight of the head resting on his shoulder felt a little heavier. Yuder endured that weight, murmuring very quietly and slowly.
"That's why, even though I think I should leave..."
"..."
"It's difficult. I..."
"Then try leaving."
A brief phrase that wasn't an order whispered with a hotter heat than ever before.
"It's okay if you don't confirm right now. If you leave, I'll let you go immediately. But if you turn around now."
The force from Kishiar's fingers resting above the door increased. A low voice gently covered his ear, enticing him.
"Then, I'll kiss you according to my conviction."
A shocking shiver ran down his spine. The moment he turned around, he couldn't tell if it was out of surprise or because he wanted to confirm the face of Kishiar who had uttered those words.
All he knew was that his head turned unconsciously, and at that moment, the predator who had been waiting pounced as he had forewarned.
Ah.
A faint exclamation echoed in his head before fading away.
His mind faded in and out in the ensuing silence. When he regained his senses, Yuder found himself trapped between the door and Kishiar, embraced at the waist by one hand, receiving his kiss.
'It's hot.'
Their overlapped lips were so hot that it felt as if he had been burned. The breath he exhaled, the breath he inhaled, all were stolen by the massive serpent of a man in front of him. He wondered if the mixed heat was turning his head to mush, but such thoughts were sucked into the descending lips and disappeared almost immediately.
Had he ever kissed him like this before?
He wasn't sure. The pains of his previous life that always unsettled his heart weren't coming to mind at all right now.
All that could be felt was a firm hand encircling his waist and the sensation of the stiff door against his back. His crimson eyes brimmed with a savage joy as if he'd finally obtained the thing he coveted most.
And within that joy was his own reflection, equally consumed by a ruthless desire, his mind solely focused on satiating his hunger as he clung to his neck.
—---
"Hey, Yuder! Snap out of it."
At the sharp summons, Yuder, about to naturally drop his cup into the soup bowl, caught it just in time and placed it back on the table.
"Couldn't sleep last night? What's up?"
Devran, whom he'd run into at the dining hall, studied Yuder's complexion suspiciously as if expecting some kind of mishap.
"Nothing's wrong. Just lost in thought."
"Your lips look awfully chapped. Are you sure nothing's wrong?"
"..."
Instead of replying, Yuder raised his hand to touch his lips. He could feel a faint stinging pain indeed.
"If you're tired, there's no need to supervise the others' training. You should take a break. You're such a workaholic. Who else would have let pass an opportunity to rest for two weeks after the manifestation?"
He wasn't tired. That was the truth. But he couldn't tell Devran the real reason behind his chapped lips, so Yuder wordlessly swallowed a spoonful of soup. His mouth felt unusually sensitive, subtle sensations making themselves felt from all corners.
These unfamiliar sensations reminded him of the incident the previous day, making his mood even stranger. He ended up eating far less than usual and concluded his meal.
"Are you really not going to the medical division?"
"No need."
As he dismissed Devran's concern with a shake of his head, the latter scrunched his brow in disapproval.
"So, there's only one reason, after all."
"..."
"If this is because of the trial of the Apeto, stop worrying so much. Father and Dermilla, who've come up to the capital, are fine. Why should we fret? You appear unaffected, but you're pretty sentimental, after all."
Yuder wondered if Devran had detected something, but apparently not. Devran, confident in his misinterpretation, began an unending monologue about the Hartan people who'd come up to the capital to answer the summons of Kishiar, their families, and the upcoming second trial, patting Yuder's back all the while.
"Everyone was extremely tense the first time. But after witnessing the ruckus once, everyone's anger seems to have given them energy. They're all set to testify every detail of the events from that time, whatever happens this time."
"...That's good."
"It's all thanks to the Commander. Who else but him could provide such a prestigious mansion as a safehouse for all those people to rest without attracting attention?"
On the day of the first trial, Yuder, occupied with the manifestation, had stayed in the palace and hadn't heard properly about those who'd come up to testify. But judging by Devran's reaction, it seemed like Kishiar had taken care of their protection and preparation for the trial.
"Even if the second prince of Apeto is dead, we haven't forgotten a thing. We're definitely going to see those bastards fall."
“So cheer up!”
With these off-target words of comfort, Devran left the dining hall in high spirits. Yuder watched his retreating figure, let out a small sigh, and turned his gaze toward the window. The sky was clear, and the sound of the members training outside was peaceful.
Today, the only thing out of the ordinary here seemed to be Yuder Aile.
"So, it appears you're afraid of something else."
He had just managed to reach the doorknob when he was halted again by an unexpected voice that resonated in his ear. Yuder barely managed to suppress the urge to turn his head. Even at this moment, the force compelling him was vehemently whispering that he should look back.
"Well, no matter. As I've said before, I enjoy breaking through walls..."
He felt the slow approach of footsteps. He thought he should step forward to avoid him, but his feet remained unmoving, as though they were stuck to the ground.
And finally, Kishiar came to a halt right behind him.
"Different times are needed to reach certainty, after all."
Through the light streaming in from the window, Yuder saw his own shadow being completely overlaid by Kishiar's tall form. Their two small shadows on the dark blue door intertwined and stretched out, merging into a single, dark mass. The sight was obscenely strange. The door lay before him, Kishiar behind him. Trapped in between, his mouth grew dry.
To clear his spinning head, Yuder clenched his fists and closed then opened his eyes.
This was merely an extension of the impulses formed due to their overly intense influence on each other during his second gender manifestation. As time passed, this would surely fade, and they could laugh and converse as if it had never happened. It was nothing.
This trembling and heat he felt now would be forgotten later.
'What's important are the tasks ahead, not this.'
‘But what if it wasn't?’
A snake-like voice whispered in his heart.
‘Can you truly guarantee it will become nothing, Yuder Aile?’
Kishiar made it clear that he had no intention of backing down until he achieved what he wanted. He was originally a genius at methodically manipulating and releasing his targets until he achieved his goal. If such a person continuously pushed, could Yuder Aile truly resist and refuse him to the end?
'...I probably can't.'
The answer came very simply.
Running away right now was possible. He had always managed to evade this way so far. But every time he backed down from Kishiar, each subsequent confrontation resulted in an even more intense pull, striking him like a punishment.
As long as the flame he had already felt did not extinguish, it was impossible to escape from this impulse. His instincts made that decision.
'I was too naive.'
Yuder began to regret thinking it would be so easy to stand by Kishiar's side to protect him. He had thought that he wouldn't feel anything upon meeting him again due to the emotions from his past life fading. But it wasn't so.
The man he met again was much more vivid and human than the faint figure in his memories, so charming that it would be strange not to be drawn to him. Yuder realized the fact that he could feel such overwhelming emotions towards someone other than himself only when he met him again by rewinding time.
The emotions awakened by Kishiar La Orr were all things that Yuder Aile hadn't even thought could exist within him.
Neither of them was in heat, and their second gender manifestation had long passed. Yet, this moment by his side felt different in every way from being with anyone else. It felt as though all the desires he had been striving not to acknowledge were abruptly flipped over, revealing their bare, bright red faces.
Frankly, he wasn't sure how long he could resist.
If things continued this way, he would undoubtedly lose control of his body, his emotions. The fact that he knew this frightened him.
"When we touch. When we're conversing."
A hand approached Yuder's silent shoulder, gently touching the door as if to interrupt his train of thought.
"Sometimes, I feel like you're the only one in this world who is like me.
Kishiar’s breath tickled the back of his neck. At the same time, the shadows overlapping the door blurred.
"I feel a relief, a profound liberation that I hadn't experienced before. It's a sweet and pleasurable sensation."
Yuder exhaled thinly, feeling the sensation of Kishiar's hair on his shoulder tickling the back of his neck as though it was a distant sensation.
"I find it amusing to contemplate how much I can show you. I'm looking forward to the next part. And sometimes, I find myself parched with desire, wanting more."
"..."
"Am I the only one who feels this?"
Could he say that he wasn't captivated by him?’
Yuder loosened the tense gaze that he had kept on the closed door and the hand resting upon it. A deep sigh naturally slipped out.
'Damn it.'
Would it have been better if all he wanted was his body, just a primal urge, just like in his past life?
How could one make a cold judgment after hearing such words? The heat began to rise again in his head, which he thought he had barely managed to cool down.
‘Turn around. Turn around now. You want to see it, don't you? How could you resist the opportunity to touch something so captivating?’ The urge continuously prickled beneath his skin, clouding his mind.
"...I think, this is wrong."
At the words he barely managed to spit out, the weight of the head resting on his shoulder felt a little heavier. Yuder endured that weight, murmuring very quietly and slowly.
"That's why, even though I think I should leave..."
"..."
"It's difficult. I..."
"Then try leaving."
A brief phrase that wasn't an order whispered with a hotter heat than ever before.
"It's okay if you don't confirm right now. If you leave, I'll let you go immediately. But if you turn around now."
The force from Kishiar's fingers resting above the door increased. A low voice gently covered his ear, enticing him.
"Then, I'll kiss you according to my conviction."
A shocking shiver ran down his spine. The moment he turned around, he couldn't tell if it was out of surprise or because he wanted to confirm the face of Kishiar who had uttered those words.
All he knew was that his head turned unconsciously, and at that moment, the predator who had been waiting pounced as he had forewarned.
Ah.
A faint exclamation echoed in his head before fading away.
His mind faded in and out in the ensuing silence. When he regained his senses, Yuder found himself trapped between the door and Kishiar, embraced at the waist by one hand, receiving his kiss.
'It's hot.'
Their overlapped lips were so hot that it felt as if he had been burned. The breath he exhaled, the breath he inhaled, all were stolen by the massive serpent of a man in front of him. He wondered if the mixed heat was turning his head to mush, but such thoughts were sucked into the descending lips and disappeared almost immediately.
Had he ever kissed him like this before?
He wasn't sure. The pains of his previous life that always unsettled his heart weren't coming to mind at all right now.
All that could be felt was a firm hand encircling his waist and the sensation of the stiff door against his back. His crimson eyes brimmed with a savage joy as if he'd finally obtained the thing he coveted most.
And within that joy was his own reflection, equally consumed by a ruthless desire, his mind solely focused on satiating his hunger as he clung to his neck.
—---
"Hey, Yuder! Snap out of it."
At the sharp summons, Yuder, about to naturally drop his cup into the soup bowl, caught it just in time and placed it back on the table.
"Couldn't sleep last night? What's up?"
Devran, whom he'd run into at the dining hall, studied Yuder's complexion suspiciously as if expecting some kind of mishap.
"Nothing's wrong. Just lost in thought."
"Your lips look awfully chapped. Are you sure nothing's wrong?"
"..."
Instead of replying, Yuder raised his hand to touch his lips. He could feel a faint stinging pain indeed.
"If you're tired, there's no need to supervise the others' training. You should take a break. You're such a workaholic. Who else would have let pass an opportunity to rest for two weeks after the manifestation?"
He wasn't tired. That was the truth. But he couldn't tell Devran the real reason behind his chapped lips, so Yuder wordlessly swallowed a spoonful of soup. His mouth felt unusually sensitive, subtle sensations making themselves felt from all corners.
These unfamiliar sensations reminded him of the incident the previous day, making his mood even stranger. He ended up eating far less than usual and concluded his meal.
"Are you really not going to the medical division?"
"No need."
As he dismissed Devran's concern with a shake of his head, the latter scrunched his brow in disapproval.
"So, there's only one reason, after all."
"..."
"If this is because of the trial of the Apeto, stop worrying so much. Father and Dermilla, who've come up to the capital, are fine. Why should we fret? You appear unaffected, but you're pretty sentimental, after all."
Yuder wondered if Devran had detected something, but apparently not. Devran, confident in his misinterpretation, began an unending monologue about the Hartan people who'd come up to the capital to answer the summons of Kishiar, their families, and the upcoming second trial, patting Yuder's back all the while.
"Everyone was extremely tense the first time. But after witnessing the ruckus once, everyone's anger seems to have given them energy. They're all set to testify every detail of the events from that time, whatever happens this time."
"...That's good."
"It's all thanks to the Commander. Who else but him could provide such a prestigious mansion as a safehouse for all those people to rest without attracting attention?"
On the day of the first trial, Yuder, occupied with the manifestation, had stayed in the palace and hadn't heard properly about those who'd come up to testify. But judging by Devran's reaction, it seemed like Kishiar had taken care of their protection and preparation for the trial.
"Even if the second prince of Apeto is dead, we haven't forgotten a thing. We're definitely going to see those bastards fall."
“So cheer up!”
With these off-target words of comfort, Devran left the dining hall in high spirits. Yuder watched his retreating figure, let out a small sigh, and turned his gaze toward the window. The sky was clear, and the sound of the members training outside was peaceful.
Today, the only thing out of the ordinary here seemed to be Yuder Aile.
