Chapter 299
Afterward, Kishiar lowered his head onto Yuder's shoulder, lightly resting it there, and remained silent for a while. Yuder, too, left Kishiar's hand, which was wrapped around his shoulder, just as it was.
From the edge of the chest where Kishiar leaned, he could feel the regular yet rapid beat of a heart - the most certain evidence of life that could never be felt from the dead.
Although they seemed to bind each other, an odd tranquility, free from suffocation or strangeness, briefly wrapped around the two. Despite knowing that reality hadn't improved, for a moment, an absurd feeling visited them, as if everything had become perfect. It was a highly deceptive emotion to experience, embracing the man he had killed in his previous life.
Where did this bizarre satisfaction come from? Yuder quietly pondered. Naturally, he could not find an answer. A wave of bitter and unfamiliar emotions kept surging and receding.
'Do others also feel this way when they embrace each other?'
Was it normal to endure the shock of the self, that one believed until now, melting away under an irresistible attraction and impulse?
Yuder thought it was unlikely. Had there been another person in front of him, there would have been no chance that he would have felt the urge to reach out, squeezing out the remaining strength in a situation where it was difficult to move even a finger. It was because it was Kishiar that he had moved. Despite the bitter pain, the reason he didn't remove the embracing hand was because a greater desire resided within Yuder.
"Emotions are strange."
Suddenly, Kishiar opened his mouth slightly.
"Armed with logic and patience, compared to reason, it doesn't hold a single weapon yet it defeats the target faster than anything else, turning it into a loser. If the result of being defeated by emotions is always this sweet, nobody would want to fight from the beginning…”
Apparently, he was having similar thoughts to Yuder. The man who sighed, making his skin tingle, leaned his head on Yuder's shoulder like a weary deer.
"To be unable to think of anything because of this mere thing, the arrogance I've had so far is laughable."
"It's not laughable."
If the fact that all emotions were melted by the hand of the other person, who reached out first, was laughable, then Yuder himself should have been the butt of a joke many times over. He had always lost himself at the mere gesture of Kishiar.
"Even if I say that I don't want to do anything else because I want to sustain this moment?"
"That is… I feel the same, so it’s not laughable at all…"
As he hesitated and replied, he felt a low chuckle through his shoulder as a vibration. Yuder felt his arms hugging him tighter than before.
"Right. Then let's indulge in this desire a bit more."
Each time he took a deep breath, a good scent, strong enough to numb his head, subtly emanated from their touching bodies. It was the unique body scent of Kishiar, completely different from the perfume created by humans. The fact that the scent, which was only occasionally perceived usually, seemed so intensely filled in an instant was probably due to his emotions moving so intensely.
When he inhaled it, something inside him also seemed to move as if it was being drawn in with it. It was a tingling yet hot sensation, like an invisible hand that seeped in like smoke, gently kneading and tangling something asleep inside.
Yuder was once again aware of the fact that he and Kishiar were Omega and Alpha Awakener respectively.
"...Sweet."
He thought his own thoughts had slipped out of his mouth, but it was Kishiar who had spoken. He slowly rubbed Yuder's nape with his hair, taking a deep breath.
"I never understood why such a scent came to be… but now, I feel like I understand a bit."
As his nose gently grazed below his chin, a shiver ran down his spine.
"If I had not known this sweetness, I probably wouldn't have been able to find you then..."
Upon hearing 'then', his puzzled mind soon found an answer. Kishiar was talking about the moment when he found Yuder, who had single-handedly faced Pethuamet by piercing through the Great Sarain Forest in the darkness.
Yuder, rather blankly, felt a belated question arising, 'Come to think of it...' The late arrival of Kishiar at the precise location so quickly was almost miraculous in the Great Sarain Forest. The color-changing magic that the mages had hung on the trees to guide Yuder was a temporary measure and would have disappeared shortly. Kishiar had no one to guide him. So, how was he able to find him without any hesitation?
"Did you... Did you find me so quickly back then... because of the scent?"
"Yes."
"How..."
"Well... Even I am not exactly sure how it was possible."
However, the moment he thought he had to find Yuder, he felt as if something beyond his senses from within his body had awakened.
"All I know is that at that moment, everything felt different than before. Suddenly, I realized there was a thin thread inside me, unknown even to myself, that was connected somewhere. I could feel that you were at the end of it, somehow... even without any reason, a conviction so strong I couldn't doubt it."
He ran through the forest, following the direction that sense pointed to. As he ran along the frail thread that seemed to break at any moment, he felt closer to the answer he had been searching for. From the thin, invisible thread, a faint sweet scent wafted.
"It was certainly your scent."
Kishiar murmured, once again taking a deep breath.
"That sense disappeared after I found you... but I'm sure it wasn't a dream."
It was an enigmatic experience, literally. He had never heard of anyone experiencing such a thing in all the memories of his previous life. Scent was a characteristic that most who manifested a second gender had. As the heat period approached, it became stronger against their will, attracting the opposite sex, but it did not play the role of finding someone specific.
'A thread... and a connection.'
He had a feeling as if he knew something, but his mind was so fuzzy that it was hard to continue thinking.
"It's strange..."
Kishiar smiled faintly.
"But it's a good thing. After all, thanks to that, I found you."
It would have been better if he had found him a little earlier. The murmuring voice sank once again. Yuder felt a hand gently stroking the bandage over where his eyes were.
"....I never knew that not being able to meet your eyes would be such a regrettable thing."
There was undeniable self-reproach for not having arrived a bit sooner in his voice. This made Yuder feel a sudden pain in his heart. What expression was Kishiar making as he said these words now? Even if he tried to imagine, he couldn't depict it.
Looking at the silent Yuder, Kishiar quietly asked.
"Are you... scared of not being able to see?"
He was not scared. Even though he couldn't see or exert strength, he didn't regret it. Not at all.
However, he did feel a twinge of regret that he couldn't meet Kishiar's gaze, so vividly felt through his skin, with his own eyes.
"...I'm not scared, but I do feel a bit regretful."
"What aspect?"
Yuder turned his head towards where the beautiful, sunlight-breaking red pupils likely were. A thought skimmed across his mind, questioning whether he was even qualified to speak such words, but his mouth moved faster.
"I can't see... what expression you're making now."
Kishiar said nothing for a moment.
Soon, a surprising burst of heat flared between their touching skin. Before Yuder could react to the sensation, a trembling breath echoed in his ear.
"...Now I understand what it means to go mad."
The feeling of hot lips brushing just beneath his ear was spine-tingling.
"To say such things without knowing how much I'm holding back... don't you think that's terribly cruel?"
His trembling arms, which had been holding Yuder almost painfully tight, finally relaxed after several breaths.
"Don't turn me into a shameless person, asking if it's okay to touch someone who is hurting."
Kishiar's heated desire was conveyed vividly beyond the darkness veiling Yuder's eyes. It felt as if he could physically touch it.
He wanted Yuder.
His emotions had not wavered, not even when Yuder was covered in venom, horrifically battered and bruised.
The sight of such a resolute man revealing himself so candidly in front of him touched Yuder's heart painfully.
"So, is it alright if I touch you instead?"
"Where?"
Driven by an irresistible impulse, Yuder strained to move his hand. He thought he could discern the expression Kishiar was making if he could just feel it, even if he couldn't see it. As the tip of his fingers lightly touched Kishiar's jaw, he felt the skin there stiffen slightly from tension. He wanted to feel more, but he lacked the strength in his arm. Then, Kishiar caught his slipping hand, gently pulling it and helping him to caress his cheek.
"...Alright. If you want, anywhere is fine. I'll help you."
Chapter 299
Afterward, Kishiar lowered his head onto Yuder's shoulder, lightly resting it there, and remained silent for a while. Yuder, too, left Kishiar's hand, which was wrapped around his shoulder, just as it was.
From the edge of the chest where Kishiar leaned, he could feel the regular yet rapid beat of a heart - the most certain evidence of life that could never be felt from the dead.
Although they seemed to bind each other, an odd tranquility, free from suffocation or strangeness, briefly wrapped around the two. Despite knowing that reality hadn't improved, for a moment, an absurd feeling visited them, as if everything had become perfect. It was a highly deceptive emotion to experience, embracing the man he had killed in his previous life.
Where did this bizarre satisfaction come from? Yuder quietly pondered. Naturally, he could not find an answer. A wave of bitter and unfamiliar emotions kept surging and receding.
'Do others also feel this way when they embrace each other?'
Was it normal to endure the shock of the self, that one believed until now, melting away under an irresistible attraction and impulse?
Yuder thought it was unlikely. Had there been another person in front of him, there would have been no chance that he would have felt the urge to reach out, squeezing out the remaining strength in a situation where it was difficult to move even a finger. It was because it was Kishiar that he had moved. Despite the bitter pain, the reason he didn't remove the embracing hand was because a greater desire resided within Yuder.
"Emotions are strange."
Suddenly, Kishiar opened his mouth slightly.
"Armed with logic and patience, compared to reason, it doesn't hold a single weapon yet it defeats the target faster than anything else, turning it into a loser. If the result of being defeated by emotions is always this sweet, nobody would want to fight from the beginning…”
Apparently, he was having similar thoughts to Yuder. The man who sighed, making his skin tingle, leaned his head on Yuder's shoulder like a weary deer.
"To be unable to think of anything because of this mere thing, the arrogance I've had so far is laughable."
"It's not laughable."
If the fact that all emotions were melted by the hand of the other person, who reached out first, was laughable, then Yuder himself should have been the butt of a joke many times over. He had always lost himself at the mere gesture of Kishiar.
"Even if I say that I don't want to do anything else because I want to sustain this moment?"
"That is… I feel the same, so it’s not laughable at all…"
As he hesitated and replied, he felt a low chuckle through his shoulder as a vibration. Yuder felt his arms hugging him tighter than before.
"Right. Then let's indulge in this desire a bit more."
Each time he took a deep breath, a good scent, strong enough to numb his head, subtly emanated from their touching bodies. It was the unique body scent of Kishiar, completely different from the perfume created by humans. The fact that the scent, which was only occasionally perceived usually, seemed so intensely filled in an instant was probably due to his emotions moving so intensely.
When he inhaled it, something inside him also seemed to move as if it was being drawn in with it. It was a tingling yet hot sensation, like an invisible hand that seeped in like smoke, gently kneading and tangling something asleep inside.
Yuder was once again aware of the fact that he and Kishiar were Omega and Alpha Awakener respectively.
"...Sweet."
He thought his own thoughts had slipped out of his mouth, but it was Kishiar who had spoken. He slowly rubbed Yuder's nape with his hair, taking a deep breath.
"I never understood why such a scent came to be… but now, I feel like I understand a bit."
As his nose gently grazed below his chin, a shiver ran down his spine.
"If I had not known this sweetness, I probably wouldn't have been able to find you then..."
Upon hearing 'then', his puzzled mind soon found an answer. Kishiar was talking about the moment when he found Yuder, who had single-handedly faced Pethuamet by piercing through the Great Sarain Forest in the darkness.
Yuder, rather blankly, felt a belated question arising, 'Come to think of it...' The late arrival of Kishiar at the precise location so quickly was almost miraculous in the Great Sarain Forest. The color-changing magic that the mages had hung on the trees to guide Yuder was a temporary measure and would have disappeared shortly. Kishiar had no one to guide him. So, how was he able to find him without any hesitation?
"Did you... Did you find me so quickly back then... because of the scent?"
"Yes."
"How..."
"Well... Even I am not exactly sure how it was possible."
However, the moment he thought he had to find Yuder, he felt as if something beyond his senses from within his body had awakened.
"All I know is that at that moment, everything felt different than before. Suddenly, I realized there was a thin thread inside me, unknown even to myself, that was connected somewhere. I could feel that you were at the end of it, somehow... even without any reason, a conviction so strong I couldn't doubt it."
He ran through the forest, following the direction that sense pointed to. As he ran along the frail thread that seemed to break at any moment, he felt closer to the answer he had been searching for. From the thin, invisible thread, a faint sweet scent wafted.
"It was certainly your scent."
Kishiar murmured, once again taking a deep breath.
"That sense disappeared after I found you... but I'm sure it wasn't a dream."
It was an enigmatic experience, literally. He had never heard of anyone experiencing such a thing in all the memories of his previous life. Scent was a characteristic that most who manifested a second gender had. As the heat period approached, it became stronger against their will, attracting the opposite sex, but it did not play the role of finding someone specific.
'A thread... and a connection.'
He had a feeling as if he knew something, but his mind was so fuzzy that it was hard to continue thinking.
"It's strange..."
Kishiar smiled faintly.
"But it's a good thing. After all, thanks to that, I found you."
It would have been better if he had found him a little earlier. The murmuring voice sank once again. Yuder felt a hand gently stroking the bandage over where his eyes were.
"....I never knew that not being able to meet your eyes would be such a regrettable thing."
There was undeniable self-reproach for not having arrived a bit sooner in his voice. This made Yuder feel a sudden pain in his heart. What expression was Kishiar making as he said these words now? Even if he tried to imagine, he couldn't depict it.
Looking at the silent Yuder, Kishiar quietly asked.
"Are you... scared of not being able to see?"
He was not scared. Even though he couldn't see or exert strength, he didn't regret it. Not at all.
However, he did feel a twinge of regret that he couldn't meet Kishiar's gaze, so vividly felt through his skin, with his own eyes.
"...I'm not scared, but I do feel a bit regretful."
"What aspect?"
Yuder turned his head towards where the beautiful, sunlight-breaking red pupils likely were. A thought skimmed across his mind, questioning whether he was even qualified to speak such words, but his mouth moved faster.
"I can't see... what expression you're making now."
Kishiar said nothing for a moment.
Soon, a surprising burst of heat flared between their touching skin. Before Yuder could react to the sensation, a trembling breath echoed in his ear.
"...Now I understand what it means to go mad."
The feeling of hot lips brushing just beneath his ear was spine-tingling.
"To say such things without knowing how much I'm holding back... don't you think that's terribly cruel?"
His trembling arms, which had been holding Yuder almost painfully tight, finally relaxed after several breaths.
"Don't turn me into a shameless person, asking if it's okay to touch someone who is hurting."
Kishiar's heated desire was conveyed vividly beyond the darkness veiling Yuder's eyes. It felt as if he could physically touch it.
He wanted Yuder.
His emotions had not wavered, not even when Yuder was covered in venom, horrifically battered and bruised.
The sight of such a resolute man revealing himself so candidly in front of him touched Yuder's heart painfully.
"So, is it alright if I touch you instead?"
"Where?"
Driven by an irresistible impulse, Yuder strained to move his hand. He thought he could discern the expression Kishiar was making if he could just feel it, even if he couldn't see it. As the tip of his fingers lightly touched Kishiar's jaw, he felt the skin there stiffen slightly from tension. He wanted to feel more, but he lacked the strength in his arm. Then, Kishiar caught his slipping hand, gently pulling it and helping him to caress his cheek.
"...Alright. If you want, anywhere is fine. I'll help you."
