Chapter 330
As Yuder watched him silently, Kishiar, with a slightly mischievous smile, said, "You don't need to clean it up."
"Those outside will clean it up happily."
Then they would probably scold Kishiar for leaving his precious drink so nonchalantly, and blink their eyes while looking for some other flaw to pick on. Yuder swallowed the words he couldn't say.
Thinking about it, what they were imagining had become reality in some ways. Unlike before, when they had merely acted out roles to kill time, they really had done things on the sofa that shouldn't be seen by others and shared a passionate heat together.
But Kishiar would dismiss those shared moments lightly, taking all the responsibility into his own hands again. He talked about his fantasies and said he was a cocky coward, but what kind of coward could do such a thing?
In retrospect, the real coward might have been himself. The fact that he was pathetically stifling his own throat with the pain of concealing a secret, unable to move on forgetting his past life completely or reveal the secret, was pitiful beyond words.
‘But I have no intention of leaving here.’
It was truly contradictory. His heart turned cold enough to lose his composure just at the thought that the figure he saw in Kishiar's fantasy might be Yudrain because he knew himself so well.
As the empty holes within him were filled, and the forgotten memories and emotions resurfaced, the contradiction also deepened. It was painful to think that this would become more profound, but if he were asked if he wanted to go back to when he couldn't recall anything, the answer was no.
Yuder wished earnestly that Kishiar would never understand his contradiction. However, as long as he was so deeply attracted to Kishiar, the chance of being caught in that contradiction would inevitably increase.
He hadn't thought keeping a secret would be so heavy before. But now it felt like a huge shackle made of cloth. It was a special cloth that didn't feel any weight usually, but once it got wet, it absorbed the weight and became increasingly tough and heavy. This shackle, made of this particular cloth, was a handy tool used to immobilize prisoners in water dungeons. Yuder thought that the weight he felt when he was wearing those shackles before his execution was quite similar to what he was feeling now.
‘I endured until the end back then... but what about this time?’
A prisoner who had endured the water dungeon and the cloth shackles for over a month had his leg bones ripped out by the hands of soldiers who were showing off their strength. He ended up on the execution block, staying alive stubbornly even after being transferred through several prisons.
Back then, he had endured to prove his innocence, but now he thought that this pain might be the inevitable consequence given to him. That was the only difference.
When Kishiar asked him what he was thinking about, Yuder said it was nothing. Kishiar, thinking that Yuder was tired from what they had done, cared for him so he could wash up and go straight to bed.
In the extravagant bathroom where warm water would flow abundantly at the touch of a hand due to the engraved water magic, Yuder washed his body and thought about Kishiar, whom he had seen today for a long time. Even though he knew that Kishiar was strong, not caring about others' gaze and instead using it, he still didn't want to see Kishiar flipping all the rumors on his own. Every time he thought about Kishiar, the uncontrollable desire that welled up, the heart-wrenching pain, and the reason he had decided to do everything he could to protect him, all said the same thing.
Then there was only one thing to do.
—---
"Yuder! How was last night? Was it okay?"
"Do you know how worried we were all night? Sharing a room with the Commander... Even if that room is ten times larger than the house I grew up in, it's not ordinary. I could never do it."
"Did you manage to sleep?"
The next day, Yuder glanced around as he listened to the members whispering their condolences that didn't sound like condolences, their faces strangely contorted in suppressed laughter. Baron Willhem's servants were silently cleaning around, but their ears were pointed in his direction. Having confirmed this, Yuder casually turned his head towards Ever, who had first spoken to him, and opened his mouth.
"Of course, I had a good night's sleep in the same bed as the Commander."
"Ah, that. Is that so?"
"Yes. It was pleasant."
Suddenly, everyone around them froze as if time had stopped. After a moment, Baron Willhem's servants began to whisper with strange expressions. It was a slightly different reaction than he had expected, and Ever, who had leaned close to Yuder, whispered urgently in his ear.
"No, Yuder… Who would believe you if you said that? It's too awkward, better to say nothing at all."
"…"
"I've felt this since the banquet yesterday, Yuder, you're not particularly talented at this kind of thing. Should I say that God is fair?"
Caught off guard by his comment, Yuder couldn't respond when he was suddenly called from not too far away.
"Sir Yuder! Come over here."
The priestess Lusan, who had recovered significantly during their journey to Tainu, was gesturing at him with a flushed face. Yuder, seeing Enon, who was sitting next to him nonchalantly munching on a lemon, moved away from the other members and headed toward them.
"My goodness. Watching you, I thought my heart was going to drop. Why on earth did you do that?"
"What are you talking about?"
"What he means is that even if I had opened the window and yelled that this was all a setup, it would have been better than what you just did."
Enon's words were more direct than Lusan's. Yuder took a moment to reflect on his behavior. It was just an apt and straightforward statement in line with his goals, so he couldn't quite guess what the problem was.
"Do I seem unsuited for my role?"
"Yes."
"I don't understand."
"What don't you understand? Which lover of any noble in the world would behave like that? Even if I threw this lemon in front of the Commander's room, it would look less suspicious than you."
"That's too harsh, Sir Enon. If you talk like that, even Sir Yuder would feel hurt."
Honestly, Yuder thought Lusan was being more harsh, but he kept his mouth shut.
He had decided just last night to spread rumors about Kishiar. He had already experienced this in his previous life, so he thought he would easily achieve his goal in Kishiar's absence, but it was a bit embarrassing for everyone to react this way.
'What's the problem?'
He couldn't remember what he did and how he did it in his previous life. At that time, even if he did nothing, everyone would deepen their misunderstanding and added more malicious rumors, so he never felt the need to make things worse. Rather, the more he tried to quell it, the more people picked fights, and it was a headache.
'Rumors were easy to spread when I didn't want them, but now when I really want them, they don't.'
"…But it's true that we slept together last night."
Other than briefly intertwining on the sofa, nothing happened, but it was a fact that they slept in the same bed.
"Ah, is that so?"
"We even drank."
"Did you hear about how the Commander insulted Baron Willhem by recklessly pouring that expensive wine under the sofa?"
Lusan shared with a grin, recounting the rumor she had overheard from the whispering servants earlier.
"Baron Willhem is said to be extremely upset about it. I heard that's why the Commander wanted to meet with him alone."
It was true that Kishiar had gone to meet Willhem alone for a while, but he had not known this was the reason. Strictly speaking, the one who made him spill the wine without drinking properly was more Yuder's fault. However, even when he said this, Lusan did not believe him.
"Hmm. Yuder. It seems like you're trying to cover for him. I suggest you avoid saying that in front of others. Wouldn't it be better to stay quiet and just say that the Commander did it?"
"..."
Instead of answering, Yuder looked at Enon. Enon quietly put the second lemon in his mouth. Whether the servants of the Willhem family were shocked by the strong man easily eating a lemon, peel and all, he didn't care at all.
"Anyway, I think I'll be able to give you the divine power again from tomorrow. Has your condition improved a bit?"
The stains that remained on his face and skin had almost disappeared. But his strength was still not fully recovered, and the spot on his left eye had only slightly faded. After examining his condition, Lusan gave him a few recovery pills that Enon had made.
After that, Lusan was called by the other members and had to get up from her seat. It was just Yuder and Enon left. Perhaps because of the unique atmosphere Enon had, there were many members who found him more difficult than Lusan. Hence, no one dared to approach the table they were sitting at.
"But... Why are you suddenly showing an interest in role-playing all of a sudden?"
Enon muttered in a voice no one else could hear.
"You, until yesterday, you were just glaring at the others with a face completely devoid of motivation. The Commander seemed to enjoy it, though."
He must have been sitting at the very end of the long table with Lusan, but it seemed that he had seen all the way up to there.
"...My mind changed."
"What thought?"
"The thought that not just one person should take responsibility."
Enon asked what he meant, but Yuder did not elaborate. Instead, he recalled something Enon had asked him in annoyance once.
"Enon. You remember what my goal is, don't you?"
"You said we need to protect. Why? Is it related to this situation? Do you think it will cause some problems to the Commander?"
"No."
Enon, who had omitted the subject Kishiar, replied gruffly. Yuder recalled another statement that Enon had made afterward, his eyes lowering silently.
In the future, either the Commander really becomes important, or if he and the Commander were in a love relationship to death. Or both. Which one is it?...
In his previous life, it was neither. Kishiar might have been a person who was potentially important for the future, but he was not important to Yuder, and they had never exchanged deep emotions beyond physical intimacy...at least according to his current judgment.
But what about now?
Yuder turned his head towards the window instead of voicing his answer. The sound of clamorous voices echoed from the front gate. Kishiar must have returned from the meeting.
Chapter 330
As Yuder watched him silently, Kishiar, with a slightly mischievous smile, said, "You don't need to clean it up."
"Those outside will clean it up happily."
Then they would probably scold Kishiar for leaving his precious drink so nonchalantly, and blink their eyes while looking for some other flaw to pick on. Yuder swallowed the words he couldn't say.
Thinking about it, what they were imagining had become reality in some ways. Unlike before, when they had merely acted out roles to kill time, they really had done things on the sofa that shouldn't be seen by others and shared a passionate heat together.
But Kishiar would dismiss those shared moments lightly, taking all the responsibility into his own hands again. He talked about his fantasies and said he was a cocky coward, but what kind of coward could do such a thing?
In retrospect, the real coward might have been himself. The fact that he was pathetically stifling his own throat with the pain of concealing a secret, unable to move on forgetting his past life completely or reveal the secret, was pitiful beyond words.
‘But I have no intention of leaving here.’
It was truly contradictory. His heart turned cold enough to lose his composure just at the thought that the figure he saw in Kishiar's fantasy might be Yudrain because he knew himself so well.
As the empty holes within him were filled, and the forgotten memories and emotions resurfaced, the contradiction also deepened. It was painful to think that this would become more profound, but if he were asked if he wanted to go back to when he couldn't recall anything, the answer was no.
Yuder wished earnestly that Kishiar would never understand his contradiction. However, as long as he was so deeply attracted to Kishiar, the chance of being caught in that contradiction would inevitably increase.
He hadn't thought keeping a secret would be so heavy before. But now it felt like a huge shackle made of cloth. It was a special cloth that didn't feel any weight usually, but once it got wet, it absorbed the weight and became increasingly tough and heavy. This shackle, made of this particular cloth, was a handy tool used to immobilize prisoners in water dungeons. Yuder thought that the weight he felt when he was wearing those shackles before his execution was quite similar to what he was feeling now.
‘I endured until the end back then... but what about this time?’
A prisoner who had endured the water dungeon and the cloth shackles for over a month had his leg bones ripped out by the hands of soldiers who were showing off their strength. He ended up on the execution block, staying alive stubbornly even after being transferred through several prisons.
Back then, he had endured to prove his innocence, but now he thought that this pain might be the inevitable consequence given to him. That was the only difference.
When Kishiar asked him what he was thinking about, Yuder said it was nothing. Kishiar, thinking that Yuder was tired from what they had done, cared for him so he could wash up and go straight to bed.
In the extravagant bathroom where warm water would flow abundantly at the touch of a hand due to the engraved water magic, Yuder washed his body and thought about Kishiar, whom he had seen today for a long time. Even though he knew that Kishiar was strong, not caring about others' gaze and instead using it, he still didn't want to see Kishiar flipping all the rumors on his own. Every time he thought about Kishiar, the uncontrollable desire that welled up, the heart-wrenching pain, and the reason he had decided to do everything he could to protect him, all said the same thing.
Then there was only one thing to do.
—---
"Yuder! How was last night? Was it okay?"
"Do you know how worried we were all night? Sharing a room with the Commander... Even if that room is ten times larger than the house I grew up in, it's not ordinary. I could never do it."
"Did you manage to sleep?"
The next day, Yuder glanced around as he listened to the members whispering their condolences that didn't sound like condolences, their faces strangely contorted in suppressed laughter. Baron Willhem's servants were silently cleaning around, but their ears were pointed in his direction. Having confirmed this, Yuder casually turned his head towards Ever, who had first spoken to him, and opened his mouth.
"Of course, I had a good night's sleep in the same bed as the Commander."
"Ah, that. Is that so?"
"Yes. It was pleasant."
Suddenly, everyone around them froze as if time had stopped. After a moment, Baron Willhem's servants began to whisper with strange expressions. It was a slightly different reaction than he had expected, and Ever, who had leaned close to Yuder, whispered urgently in his ear.
"No, Yuder… Who would believe you if you said that? It's too awkward, better to say nothing at all."
"…"
"I've felt this since the banquet yesterday, Yuder, you're not particularly talented at this kind of thing. Should I say that God is fair?"
Caught off guard by his comment, Yuder couldn't respond when he was suddenly called from not too far away.
"Sir Yuder! Come over here."
The priestess Lusan, who had recovered significantly during their journey to Tainu, was gesturing at him with a flushed face. Yuder, seeing Enon, who was sitting next to him nonchalantly munching on a lemon, moved away from the other members and headed toward them.
"My goodness. Watching you, I thought my heart was going to drop. Why on earth did you do that?"
"What are you talking about?"
"What he means is that even if I had opened the window and yelled that this was all a setup, it would have been better than what you just did."
Enon's words were more direct than Lusan's. Yuder took a moment to reflect on his behavior. It was just an apt and straightforward statement in line with his goals, so he couldn't quite guess what the problem was.
"Do I seem unsuited for my role?"
"Yes."
"I don't understand."
"What don't you understand? Which lover of any noble in the world would behave like that? Even if I threw this lemon in front of the Commander's room, it would look less suspicious than you."
"That's too harsh, Sir Enon. If you talk like that, even Sir Yuder would feel hurt."
Honestly, Yuder thought Lusan was being more harsh, but he kept his mouth shut.
He had decided just last night to spread rumors about Kishiar. He had already experienced this in his previous life, so he thought he would easily achieve his goal in Kishiar's absence, but it was a bit embarrassing for everyone to react this way.
'What's the problem?'
He couldn't remember what he did and how he did it in his previous life. At that time, even if he did nothing, everyone would deepen their misunderstanding and added more malicious rumors, so he never felt the need to make things worse. Rather, the more he tried to quell it, the more people picked fights, and it was a headache.
'Rumors were easy to spread when I didn't want them, but now when I really want them, they don't.'
"…But it's true that we slept together last night."
Other than briefly intertwining on the sofa, nothing happened, but it was a fact that they slept in the same bed.
"Ah, is that so?"
"We even drank."
"Did you hear about how the Commander insulted Baron Willhem by recklessly pouring that expensive wine under the sofa?"
Lusan shared with a grin, recounting the rumor she had overheard from the whispering servants earlier.
"Baron Willhem is said to be extremely upset about it. I heard that's why the Commander wanted to meet with him alone."
It was true that Kishiar had gone to meet Willhem alone for a while, but he had not known this was the reason. Strictly speaking, the one who made him spill the wine without drinking properly was more Yuder's fault. However, even when he said this, Lusan did not believe him.
"Hmm. Yuder. It seems like you're trying to cover for him. I suggest you avoid saying that in front of others. Wouldn't it be better to stay quiet and just say that the Commander did it?"
"..."
Instead of answering, Yuder looked at Enon. Enon quietly put the second lemon in his mouth. Whether the servants of the Willhem family were shocked by the strong man easily eating a lemon, peel and all, he didn't care at all.
"Anyway, I think I'll be able to give you the divine power again from tomorrow. Has your condition improved a bit?"
The stains that remained on his face and skin had almost disappeared. But his strength was still not fully recovered, and the spot on his left eye had only slightly faded. After examining his condition, Lusan gave him a few recovery pills that Enon had made.
After that, Lusan was called by the other members and had to get up from her seat. It was just Yuder and Enon left. Perhaps because of the unique atmosphere Enon had, there were many members who found him more difficult than Lusan. Hence, no one dared to approach the table they were sitting at.
"But... Why are you suddenly showing an interest in role-playing all of a sudden?"
Enon muttered in a voice no one else could hear.
"You, until yesterday, you were just glaring at the others with a face completely devoid of motivation. The Commander seemed to enjoy it, though."
He must have been sitting at the very end of the long table with Lusan, but it seemed that he had seen all the way up to there.
"...My mind changed."
"What thought?"
"The thought that not just one person should take responsibility."
Enon asked what he meant, but Yuder did not elaborate. Instead, he recalled something Enon had asked him in annoyance once.
"Enon. You remember what my goal is, don't you?"
"You said we need to protect. Why? Is it related to this situation? Do you think it will cause some problems to the Commander?"
"No."
Enon, who had omitted the subject Kishiar, replied gruffly. Yuder recalled another statement that Enon had made afterward, his eyes lowering silently.
In the future, either the Commander really becomes important, or if he and the Commander were in a love relationship to death. Or both. Which one is it?...
In his previous life, it was neither. Kishiar might have been a person who was potentially important for the future, but he was not important to Yuder, and they had never exchanged deep emotions beyond physical intimacy...at least according to his current judgment.
But what about now?
Yuder turned his head towards the window instead of voicing his answer. The sound of clamorous voices echoed from the front gate. Kishiar must have returned from the meeting.
