"Is there anything that frightens you?" It was an unexpected question.
In his previous life, Yuder had never really considered anything to be truly frightening. After figuring out how to deal with monsters that his powers couldn't affect, he'd stopped worrying too much about them. Physical pain or people that others found scary had never been a threat to him either.
There was a time when he was searching for a way to avert the signs of impending doom, and he frequently felt a sense of overwhelming helplessness, as if he couldn't see what lay ahead. But could he call that fear?
Endless torture, the resultant pain, and death might have incited anger and resignation in Yuder, but they never truly instilled a sense of fear in him.
So what about now?
As he considered digging deeper into Kishiar's sleep-talking and the peculiar connection between them, part of him did not want to. Throughout the day, his eyes had repeatedly darted to Kishiar, as if expecting the word 'Yudrain' to suddenly come from his lips, before he quickly averted his gaze.
Come to think of it, the feeling was similar to the hesitation he'd felt before knocking on the bedroom door where Kishiar was, ultimately turning away after much deliberation.
‘Well, technically, there's still a door between us, separating the inside from the outside,’ Yuder mused.
His eyes briefly shifted toward the office door where Kishiar, alongside the Emperor's agents, was in a meeting, then returned to their original position.
But the weight of the resolve needed to open the door was entirely different now and then. The weight of the secrets that Yuder Aile perceived had significantly increased in the meantime.
Should he open the door?
If he opens it, to what extent should he open it?
Is opening the door the best course of action?
Could the reaction of the person he'll face after opening the door also be considered the best outcome?
Behind these unanswerable questions trailed a slight, irrational impulse to retreat from the situation. He felt strangely powerless, as if caught in a state of limbo between action and inaction.
So perhaps that was what could be considered frightening.
"Yes, there is something that scares me," Yuder slowly replied, organizing his thoughts. Kanna gave a faint smile and nodded.
"Uh-huh, of course. You're human, after all... I guess I just asked a stupid question because the Yuder I've known has always seemed so strong."
"..."
"I won't ask what it is that scares you. But as comrades and friends, it's not strange to say that I want to help if there's something troubling you, right? After all, you've done the same for me."
True to her skill in reading information, Kanna didn't probe into what Yuder was afraid of. She simply whispered her sincere desire to help.
That earnest, yet cautious worry stirred something deep within Yuder's chest.
"Thank you, even if it's just words."
"It's not just words! I really will help you with anything, and I'll believe whatever you say. You've already given me such valuable help, after all!"
Kanna asserted her point, nodding her head emphatically.
"Sure, the Commander and the other comrades have been a big help, but my gratitude toward you is a bit more special. Do you know why?"
Yuder shook his head. Kanna wrinkled her nose as if she had expected as much and smiled. A moment later, a confession came forth, barely loud enough for anyone other than Yuder to hear.
"You see, sometimes when I'm not feeling well, I still dream of the times before I joined the Cavalry. Count Gallon was that terrifying and scary."
As she spat out the name of the person who had treated her not as a child but as a servant, ultimately intending to dispose of her, her brows twitched momentarily. However, she continued speaking with a steadfast expression.
"When you stood up for me in front of Count Gallon, it might have seemed like a small favor to you, but it allowed me to see the world anew. It wasn't just because I realized that what terrified me could be laughable to someone else."
"..."
"Back then, I was afraid that people would find out what scared me. I was terrified at the thought of everyone knowing my secret; I couldn't even sleep. At the moment you confronted Count Gallon, I thought it was all over."
But it wasn't. No one ridiculed or pointed fingers at Kanna for her past fears. Count Gallon had been soundly put in his place, and since then, no one in the Cavalry had dared to speak ill of her about that time.
"So what I want to say, Yuder, is..."
Kanna gently patted the back of his hand, continuing her small smile.
"Being scared is just that, nothing more."
The help Yuder had offered Kanna was minuscule. He had given some advice to a talented individual to join the Cavalry and had gone out of his way to thwart Count Gallon's attempts to waste her skills.
Yet, Kanna hadn't forgotten that event, even after all this time had passed and everything was settled. What seemed inconsequential to Yuder had been a profoundly important and terrifying experience for her. It was only now that Yuder fully realized this.
The weight of her simple words, that "being scared is just that," unexpectedly sank into his heart.
It's just that. No need to agonize trying to find reasons.
"I can't speak for others, but I will never forget the weight of the fear I felt then. And as long as I don't forget, my feelings won't change either."
The back of his hand, held by Kanna, felt unexpectedly warm.
"I won't necessarily ask you to ask for help, but don't carry it all alone. If anyone asks for help, I'll do whatever I can. That goes for Gakane, Sister Ever, Jimmy, Hinn, Finn... Ah! And the Commander as well!"
Yuder silently looked down at his hand and closed his eyes. Suddenly, the sound of Enon's complaints from last night overlaid Kanna's advice, and a smile like a sigh flowed faintly from him.
"... It’s reassuring. Thank you."
It wasn't a vow or a pledge, just a word of trust. Yet he couldn't understand why it made him feel so reassured.
Kanna said no more, but patted the back of his hand a few more times before suddenly turning her head.
"Huh? Sir Zuckerman and Robel are here."
Just as she said, Nathan Zuckerman, carrying a box wrapped in cloth, was ascending the stairs right next to the window where they were standing, accompanied by a man and a woman. Robel and Marty, both with slightly tense expressions, spotted Kanna and Yuder and silently signaled their joy.
"Sir Zuckerman! It's good to see you for the first time since the auction day. I'm glad you look well. And Robel as well. Who is this with you?"
"My name is Marty."
"It's my first time meeting you in person. Nice to meet you."
As Kanna greeted them with a bright face, Robel, Marty, and Nathan Zuckerman returned the greeting. Yuder also exchanged greetings, scrutinizing the face of Nathan Zuckerman, whom he had not seen since the party.
He had heard that Zuckerman hadn't given up chasing Nahan even after losing him. But it was hard to guess whether he had been successful or not just by looking at his face.
'He looks perfectly healthy.'
Gone was the forced pretense of a reckless knight; the knight's attire was now more upright and neat than ever before. While others might find such a get-up stifling, he appeared rather more comfortable and free in it.
"So what brings the three of you here?"
"Ah… we didn't come for the same reason. The Duke… no, the Commander, wanted to meet us, so we happened to take the same path when we ran into this knight along the way."
"So, Sir Zuckerman, you're also here to see the Commander?"
Upon Yuder's question, Nathan Zuckerman nodded.
"Yes."
"I see. But the Commander is still in conversation with other visitors, so you'll have to wait a little."
"Understood."
As if he had anticipated this, Nathan Zuckerman was not surprised. He continued up the stairs and took a position near them. Robel and Marty followed cautiously behind him. Kanna, her eyes falling upon the box he carried, asked with undisguised curiosity.
"So, Sir Zuckerman, may I ask what's in the box?"
"The Commander said to bring cookies for his return."
"Cookies…?"
"He said they'd be needed tonight."
Kanna seemed momentarily torn, wondering if this was some sort of code or euphemism, but it appeared to be just the plain and simple truth. Yuder, maintaining his silence, decided to pose a question of his own.
Select your tier Qi Cultivating Stage $5.00 USD - month(s) Foundation Establishment $10.00 USD - month(s) Xudan $20.00 USD - month(s) Jindan $50.00 USD - month(s) Yuanying $100.00 USD - month(s)
"Is there anything that frightens you?" It was an unexpected question.
In his previous life, Yuder had never really considered anything to be truly frightening. After figuring out how to deal with monsters that his powers couldn't affect, he'd stopped worrying too much about them. Physical pain or people that others found scary had never been a threat to him either.
There was a time when he was searching for a way to avert the signs of impending doom, and he frequently felt a sense of overwhelming helplessness, as if he couldn't see what lay ahead. But could he call that fear?
Endless torture, the resultant pain, and death might have incited anger and resignation in Yuder, but they never truly instilled a sense of fear in him.
So what about now?
As he considered digging deeper into Kishiar's sleep-talking and the peculiar connection between them, part of him did not want to. Throughout the day, his eyes had repeatedly darted to Kishiar, as if expecting the word 'Yudrain' to suddenly come from his lips, before he quickly averted his gaze.
Come to think of it, the feeling was similar to the hesitation he'd felt before knocking on the bedroom door where Kishiar was, ultimately turning away after much deliberation.
‘Well, technically, there's still a door between us, separating the inside from the outside,’ Yuder mused.
His eyes briefly shifted toward the office door where Kishiar, alongside the Emperor's agents, was in a meeting, then returned to their original position.
But the weight of the resolve needed to open the door was entirely different now and then. The weight of the secrets that Yuder Aile perceived had significantly increased in the meantime.
Should he open the door?
If he opens it, to what extent should he open it?
Is opening the door the best course of action?
Could the reaction of the person he'll face after opening the door also be considered the best outcome?
Behind these unanswerable questions trailed a slight, irrational impulse to retreat from the situation. He felt strangely powerless, as if caught in a state of limbo between action and inaction.
So perhaps that was what could be considered frightening.
"Yes, there is something that scares me," Yuder slowly replied, organizing his thoughts. Kanna gave a faint smile and nodded.
"Uh-huh, of course. You're human, after all... I guess I just asked a stupid question because the Yuder I've known has always seemed so strong."
"..."
"I won't ask what it is that scares you. But as comrades and friends, it's not strange to say that I want to help if there's something troubling you, right? After all, you've done the same for me."
True to her skill in reading information, Kanna didn't probe into what Yuder was afraid of. She simply whispered her sincere desire to help.
That earnest, yet cautious worry stirred something deep within Yuder's chest.
"Thank you, even if it's just words."
"It's not just words! I really will help you with anything, and I'll believe whatever you say. You've already given me such valuable help, after all!"
Kanna asserted her point, nodding her head emphatically.
"Sure, the Commander and the other comrades have been a big help, but my gratitude toward you is a bit more special. Do you know why?"
Yuder shook his head. Kanna wrinkled her nose as if she had expected as much and smiled. A moment later, a confession came forth, barely loud enough for anyone other than Yuder to hear.
"You see, sometimes when I'm not feeling well, I still dream of the times before I joined the Cavalry. Count Gallon was that terrifying and scary."
As she spat out the name of the person who had treated her not as a child but as a servant, ultimately intending to dispose of her, her brows twitched momentarily. However, she continued speaking with a steadfast expression.
"When you stood up for me in front of Count Gallon, it might have seemed like a small favor to you, but it allowed me to see the world anew. It wasn't just because I realized that what terrified me could be laughable to someone else."
"..."
"Back then, I was afraid that people would find out what scared me. I was terrified at the thought of everyone knowing my secret; I couldn't even sleep. At the moment you confronted Count Gallon, I thought it was all over."
But it wasn't. No one ridiculed or pointed fingers at Kanna for her past fears. Count Gallon had been soundly put in his place, and since then, no one in the Cavalry had dared to speak ill of her about that time.
"So what I want to say, Yuder, is..."
Kanna gently patted the back of his hand, continuing her small smile.
"Being scared is just that, nothing more."
The help Yuder had offered Kanna was minuscule. He had given some advice to a talented individual to join the Cavalry and had gone out of his way to thwart Count Gallon's attempts to waste her skills.
Yet, Kanna hadn't forgotten that event, even after all this time had passed and everything was settled. What seemed inconsequential to Yuder had been a profoundly important and terrifying experience for her. It was only now that Yuder fully realized this.
The weight of her simple words, that "being scared is just that," unexpectedly sank into his heart.
It's just that. No need to agonize trying to find reasons.
"I can't speak for others, but I will never forget the weight of the fear I felt then. And as long as I don't forget, my feelings won't change either."
The back of his hand, held by Kanna, felt unexpectedly warm.
"I won't necessarily ask you to ask for help, but don't carry it all alone. If anyone asks for help, I'll do whatever I can. That goes for Gakane, Sister Ever, Jimmy, Hinn, Finn... Ah! And the Commander as well!"
Yuder silently looked down at his hand and closed his eyes. Suddenly, the sound of Enon's complaints from last night overlaid Kanna's advice, and a smile like a sigh flowed faintly from him.
"... It’s reassuring. Thank you."
It wasn't a vow or a pledge, just a word of trust. Yet he couldn't understand why it made him feel so reassured.
Kanna said no more, but patted the back of his hand a few more times before suddenly turning her head.
"Huh? Sir Zuckerman and Robel are here."
Just as she said, Nathan Zuckerman, carrying a box wrapped in cloth, was ascending the stairs right next to the window where they were standing, accompanied by a man and a woman. Robel and Marty, both with slightly tense expressions, spotted Kanna and Yuder and silently signaled their joy.
"Sir Zuckerman! It's good to see you for the first time since the auction day. I'm glad you look well. And Robel as well. Who is this with you?"
"My name is Marty."
"It's my first time meeting you in person. Nice to meet you."
As Kanna greeted them with a bright face, Robel, Marty, and Nathan Zuckerman returned the greeting. Yuder also exchanged greetings, scrutinizing the face of Nathan Zuckerman, whom he had not seen since the party.
He had heard that Zuckerman hadn't given up chasing Nahan even after losing him. But it was hard to guess whether he had been successful or not just by looking at his face.
'He looks perfectly healthy.'
Gone was the forced pretense of a reckless knight; the knight's attire was now more upright and neat than ever before. While others might find such a get-up stifling, he appeared rather more comfortable and free in it.
"So what brings the three of you here?"
"Ah… we didn't come for the same reason. The Duke… no, the Commander, wanted to meet us, so we happened to take the same path when we ran into this knight along the way."
"So, Sir Zuckerman, you're also here to see the Commander?"
Upon Yuder's question, Nathan Zuckerman nodded.
"Yes."
"I see. But the Commander is still in conversation with other visitors, so you'll have to wait a little."
"Understood."
As if he had anticipated this, Nathan Zuckerman was not surprised. He continued up the stairs and took a position near them. Robel and Marty followed cautiously behind him. Kanna, her eyes falling upon the box he carried, asked with undisguised curiosity.
"So, Sir Zuckerman, may I ask what's in the box?"
"The Commander said to bring cookies for his return."
"Cookies…?"
"He said they'd be needed tonight."
Kanna seemed momentarily torn, wondering if this was some sort of code or euphemism, but it appeared to be just the plain and simple truth. Yuder, maintaining his silence, decided to pose a question of his own.
Select your tier Qi Cultivating Stage $5.00 USD - month(s) Foundation Establishment $10.00 USD - month(s) Xudan $20.00 USD - month(s) Jindan $50.00 USD - month(s) Yuanying $100.00 USD - month(s)
