"Wouldn't it be better to start with a meal?"
Kishiar, heading towards the simple food and wine that the servants had prearranged in their lodging, looked back at Yuder and asked. The astonishing conversation he'd just had with Enon seemed to have already vanished into the distance.
Yuder glanced at the table Kishiar had pointed to and shook his head.
"...I'm fine."
His appetite was far from roused given the circumstances. The bread that emitted a delicious aroma, the fresh fruit—right now, they all looked no different than clods of dirt.
However, Kishiar was not the type of man to be deterred by a refusal.
"It's better not to skip meals, even if you're not hungry. Don't tell me you're going to let me eat alone?"
"..."
"Really?"
Yuder found it impossible to ignore the smile that softened Kishiar's otherwise stern face.
What on Earth is he thinking?
With a trace of self-reproach, Yuder took a seat across from him. Without any hesitation, Kishiar picked up a slice of bread soaked in honey and apple and passed it over. Initially, Yuder planned to eat just that one slice and get up, but as soon as he finished it, another piece of bread appeared before him. When he hesitated, Kishiar subtly shook the bread as if suggesting his arm was getting tired. Eventually, Yuder took the second piece.
After finishing the second slice, a third and then a fourth followed.
"..."
As Yuder silently accepted morsel after morsel from Kishiar, who himself took large bites of his own share, something peculiar began to happen.
The taste started to come alive on his tongue.
First, it was the sweetness of honey. Then, the creamy richness of the white filling. Next, the tart crunchiness of the fruit. And finally, when he could even discern the saltiness sprinkled atop the butter, Yuder felt as if something that had been rigidly frozen inside him had astonishingly melted away.
The man responsible for that melting was, of course, the one sitting before him.
When Kishiar skillfully split the last remaining piece of bread and handed it over, Yuder accepted it but didn’t put it in his mouth.
Instead, what escaped his lips was a question, now noticeably drained of vigor.
"...Weren't you surprised?"
"Why should I be surprised when I didn’t even guess correctly?"
The response came back smoothly, as though he had been waiting for this moment.
"Weren’t you concerned it could be dangerous?"
"The person before me has already provided sufficient proof of trustworthiness."
The hand holding the last piece of bread trembled for a moment.
As if he had waited a long time for this very response, Kishiar's eyes met Yuder's.
"You don't need to know everything about someone to be with them. Knowing their character and intentions from what they've shown you can be enough."
You don't need to know everything about someone to be with them.
The weight of that statement, unmistakably directed at him, struck Yuder like a hammer.
As he stared into the dark pupils of the man in front of him, unable to blink, Kishiar gave a soft smile.
"It took a day of waiting, but finally, my assistant is truly seeing me."
"..."
"It took quite a while."
No, Yuder had been observing him all along.
He had thought he was observing, but a voice deep in his heart quietly raised a question.
Could he truly say, with confidence, that he had?
Had he truly faced Kishiar throughout the day without merely 'observing' him?
Yuder couldn't answer that question.
Then what had he thought he had been seeing of Kishiar today?
One thing was certain: Kishiar had neither forgotten last night's events nor was he indifferent to them, as Yuder had initially believed.
"Were you waiting for me to speak first?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you just ask me first?"
"You already know why I didn't."
Kishiar laughed quietly.
"There's no point in forcing an unwanted answer from someone. Especially not from you."
In essence, Kishiar was saying he had not acted because he knew Yuder would not want him to.
"See, by waiting, you spoke first. So waiting for a day has its merits."
He said it was enough, but Yuder didn't feel the same way.
"I might not have lived up to your expectations and faith."
"There's no chance of that. Fortunately, I have plenty of time to wait."
It was a skill, being able to joke about waiting indefinitely for someone to open up. And it made Yuder feel all the more foolish for being easily swayed by such words.
As Yuder exhaled, an unbearable heat surged from behind his eyes. Yuder spoke, looking downward.
"I can never truly match up to you, Commander."
"Interesting. That's a thought I have every day when I look at my assistant."
Grinning, Kishiar leaned his chin on his hand.
“I don’t know what’s making the assistant so hesitant, but if it has anything to do with me, there’s something I’d like to say.”
Yuder should have asked what it was, but his tongue seemed paralyzed. Captivated by Kishiar's piercing gaze, he listened.
“Do you know that worrying is something that you can only do about things that you ultimately consider to be that important?”
"..."
"If the one who has taken my heart worries because of me, then I am a man who would be more than happy with that. I am quite the opportunist. Ah, did you already know that?"
The one who had taken Kishiar's heart.
Yuder's thoughts stalled, pierced by an unexpected strike. Words that Kishiar had once uttered in the depths of the Great Sarain Forest flashed like wildfire across his mind.
'Why bring that up now?'
As Yuder lost his words, Kishiar smiled gently with curved eyes.
"A joke, perhaps? But I'm serious."
He had been closely watching every nuance of Yuder's reactions.
"Anyway, the fact that someone as unreadable as my assistant would worry enough to observe me through others gives me hope. It may be a wild guess, but it seemed that way earlier."
Although he called it a wild guess, his eyes conveyed anything but. And in reality, it was far from a mere guess.
Yuder recalled the last words left by Enon.
I've shown you everything. Now do as you please.
Enon had displayed his true identity—a secret difficult to understand logically—as an offering, showing Yuder how Kishiar would react. Thanks to that, Yuder could initiate the conversation, and for that he was grateful.
But Kishiar had also sensed another hidden agenda in that conversation. His manner of almost acknowledging it while pretending not to was truly like him.
In truth, what Yuder sensed wasn't solely hope. Yuder faintly discerned traces of other carefully concealed emotions within Kishiar's smile.
"Still, the fact that he only mentioned hope could mean..."
"Don't overthink things. No matter how strong or exceptional one is, everyone needs time now and then. If talking with me makes you feel better, then do so. If not, that's fine too."
A thin breath escaped from between Yuder's lips.
If today had been a game of tactical chess between them, Yuder felt he had just been utterly defeated.
‘I've never actually won in my previous life anyway,’ he mused.
Finally, he exhaled all the air he had been holding and released the words that had been lurking even deeper within him.
"As you said, I have indeed been pondering over matters concerning you today."
Words that had been excruciatingly difficult to utter felt astonishingly insignificant once they were out.
Suppressing his emotions, Yuder then threw out another question.
"What do you think I've been worried about?"
He wanted to find out even the aspects he had not been curious about until now. What did Kishiar think of him? Kishiar had come close to guessing about the true nature of Enon, so what were his thoughts about Yuder?
Catching Yuder's gaze, filled with such implications, Kishiar soon opened his mouth to reply.
"Well, the dream I claimed to have had last night and the sleep talk that I don't remember could be the most likely culprits, but I can't be certain."
It seemed Kishiar had also judged that Yuder's attitude had markedly changed from that moment. Yuder cast another question while staring at the swirling dark-red liquid in the wine glass Kishiar was idly holding.
"You mentioned that you sometimes sleep like that when you're tired. Do you recall how often that happens or when it started?"
"It's difficult to keep track of all the dreams, so I can't give you an exact answer. However... there was one instance where I slept so deeply that I had a nightmare after someone woke me up."
"When was that?"
"When you applied to join the Cavalry. Nathan thought I had physically collapsed due to overwork."
'When I applied to join the Cavalry...'
Coincidentally, that was also when Yuder became aware that he had returned to the past. As he recalled this, a cold shiver ran down his spine.
Could this really be a coincidence?
"Wouldn't it be better to start with a meal?"
Kishiar, heading towards the simple food and wine that the servants had prearranged in their lodging, looked back at Yuder and asked. The astonishing conversation he'd just had with Enon seemed to have already vanished into the distance.
Yuder glanced at the table Kishiar had pointed to and shook his head.
"...I'm fine."
His appetite was far from roused given the circumstances. The bread that emitted a delicious aroma, the fresh fruit—right now, they all looked no different than clods of dirt.
However, Kishiar was not the type of man to be deterred by a refusal.
"It's better not to skip meals, even if you're not hungry. Don't tell me you're going to let me eat alone?"
"..."
"Really?"
Yuder found it impossible to ignore the smile that softened Kishiar's otherwise stern face.
What on Earth is he thinking?
With a trace of self-reproach, Yuder took a seat across from him. Without any hesitation, Kishiar picked up a slice of bread soaked in honey and apple and passed it over. Initially, Yuder planned to eat just that one slice and get up, but as soon as he finished it, another piece of bread appeared before him. When he hesitated, Kishiar subtly shook the bread as if suggesting his arm was getting tired. Eventually, Yuder took the second piece.
After finishing the second slice, a third and then a fourth followed.
"..."
As Yuder silently accepted morsel after morsel from Kishiar, who himself took large bites of his own share, something peculiar began to happen.
The taste started to come alive on his tongue.
First, it was the sweetness of honey. Then, the creamy richness of the white filling. Next, the tart crunchiness of the fruit. And finally, when he could even discern the saltiness sprinkled atop the butter, Yuder felt as if something that had been rigidly frozen inside him had astonishingly melted away.
The man responsible for that melting was, of course, the one sitting before him.
When Kishiar skillfully split the last remaining piece of bread and handed it over, Yuder accepted it but didn’t put it in his mouth.
Instead, what escaped his lips was a question, now noticeably drained of vigor.
"...Weren't you surprised?"
"Why should I be surprised when I didn’t even guess correctly?"
The response came back smoothly, as though he had been waiting for this moment.
"Weren’t you concerned it could be dangerous?"
"The person before me has already provided sufficient proof of trustworthiness."
The hand holding the last piece of bread trembled for a moment.
As if he had waited a long time for this very response, Kishiar's eyes met Yuder's.
"You don't need to know everything about someone to be with them. Knowing their character and intentions from what they've shown you can be enough."
You don't need to know everything about someone to be with them.
The weight of that statement, unmistakably directed at him, struck Yuder like a hammer.
As he stared into the dark pupils of the man in front of him, unable to blink, Kishiar gave a soft smile.
"It took a day of waiting, but finally, my assistant is truly seeing me."
"..."
"It took quite a while."
No, Yuder had been observing him all along.
He had thought he was observing, but a voice deep in his heart quietly raised a question.
Could he truly say, with confidence, that he had?
Had he truly faced Kishiar throughout the day without merely 'observing' him?
Yuder couldn't answer that question.
Then what had he thought he had been seeing of Kishiar today?
One thing was certain: Kishiar had neither forgotten last night's events nor was he indifferent to them, as Yuder had initially believed.
"Were you waiting for me to speak first?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you just ask me first?"
"You already know why I didn't."
Kishiar laughed quietly.
"There's no point in forcing an unwanted answer from someone. Especially not from you."
In essence, Kishiar was saying he had not acted because he knew Yuder would not want him to.
"See, by waiting, you spoke first. So waiting for a day has its merits."
He said it was enough, but Yuder didn't feel the same way.
"I might not have lived up to your expectations and faith."
"There's no chance of that. Fortunately, I have plenty of time to wait."
It was a skill, being able to joke about waiting indefinitely for someone to open up. And it made Yuder feel all the more foolish for being easily swayed by such words.
As Yuder exhaled, an unbearable heat surged from behind his eyes. Yuder spoke, looking downward.
"I can never truly match up to you, Commander."
"Interesting. That's a thought I have every day when I look at my assistant."
Grinning, Kishiar leaned his chin on his hand.
“I don’t know what’s making the assistant so hesitant, but if it has anything to do with me, there’s something I’d like to say.”
Yuder should have asked what it was, but his tongue seemed paralyzed. Captivated by Kishiar's piercing gaze, he listened.
“Do you know that worrying is something that you can only do about things that you ultimately consider to be that important?”
"..."
"If the one who has taken my heart worries because of me, then I am a man who would be more than happy with that. I am quite the opportunist. Ah, did you already know that?"
The one who had taken Kishiar's heart.
Yuder's thoughts stalled, pierced by an unexpected strike. Words that Kishiar had once uttered in the depths of the Great Sarain Forest flashed like wildfire across his mind.
'Why bring that up now?'
As Yuder lost his words, Kishiar smiled gently with curved eyes.
"A joke, perhaps? But I'm serious."
He had been closely watching every nuance of Yuder's reactions.
"Anyway, the fact that someone as unreadable as my assistant would worry enough to observe me through others gives me hope. It may be a wild guess, but it seemed that way earlier."
Although he called it a wild guess, his eyes conveyed anything but. And in reality, it was far from a mere guess.
Yuder recalled the last words left by Enon.
I've shown you everything. Now do as you please.
Enon had displayed his true identity—a secret difficult to understand logically—as an offering, showing Yuder how Kishiar would react. Thanks to that, Yuder could initiate the conversation, and for that he was grateful.
But Kishiar had also sensed another hidden agenda in that conversation. His manner of almost acknowledging it while pretending not to was truly like him.
In truth, what Yuder sensed wasn't solely hope. Yuder faintly discerned traces of other carefully concealed emotions within Kishiar's smile.
"Still, the fact that he only mentioned hope could mean..."
"Don't overthink things. No matter how strong or exceptional one is, everyone needs time now and then. If talking with me makes you feel better, then do so. If not, that's fine too."
A thin breath escaped from between Yuder's lips.
If today had been a game of tactical chess between them, Yuder felt he had just been utterly defeated.
‘I've never actually won in my previous life anyway,’ he mused.
Finally, he exhaled all the air he had been holding and released the words that had been lurking even deeper within him.
"As you said, I have indeed been pondering over matters concerning you today."
Words that had been excruciatingly difficult to utter felt astonishingly insignificant once they were out.
Suppressing his emotions, Yuder then threw out another question.
"What do you think I've been worried about?"
He wanted to find out even the aspects he had not been curious about until now. What did Kishiar think of him? Kishiar had come close to guessing about the true nature of Enon, so what were his thoughts about Yuder?
Catching Yuder's gaze, filled with such implications, Kishiar soon opened his mouth to reply.
"Well, the dream I claimed to have had last night and the sleep talk that I don't remember could be the most likely culprits, but I can't be certain."
It seemed Kishiar had also judged that Yuder's attitude had markedly changed from that moment. Yuder cast another question while staring at the swirling dark-red liquid in the wine glass Kishiar was idly holding.
"You mentioned that you sometimes sleep like that when you're tired. Do you recall how often that happens or when it started?"
"It's difficult to keep track of all the dreams, so I can't give you an exact answer. However... there was one instance where I slept so deeply that I had a nightmare after someone woke me up."
"When was that?"
"When you applied to join the Cavalry. Nathan thought I had physically collapsed due to overwork."
'When I applied to join the Cavalry...'
Coincidentally, that was also when Yuder became aware that he had returned to the past. As he recalled this, a cold shiver ran down his spine.
Could this really be a coincidence?
