Gakane's words might not have been entirely wrong. Despite stepping up to help Yuder, he hadn't been much of a help, that was true.
But that didn't mean he wanted to admit it had been a pointless endeavor.
"Your judgment that you were of no help is your own. Not everything in the world can be assessed solely by its outcome."
"Right... if you're saying this out of pity for me, thanks, but it's okay. You don't have to worry. The matter has been resolved... that's all that counts."
A bitter smile briefly touched the corners of Gakane's mouth before vanishing like a mirage. He didn't seem to take Yuder's words to heart. The following conversation was no different. His face remained vacant, as if his thoughts were elsewhere, and he emanated a deep sense of melancholy.
'...His condition seems more severe than I thought.'
Yuder suddenly recalled what Enon had once said. Wasn't it that people like Gakane, who are sensitive, should not talk when others are around?
If Yuder had been in Gakane's position, he wouldn't have cared one bit. Yet, he understood how difficult it could be to discuss family matters, especially under the malicious scrutiny of others, given the circumstances. Talking further would not change the situation.
Yuder broke the silence and called Gakane's name.
"Gakane."
"..."
"Shall we dance?"
"What?"
"Follow me."
Gakane looked around, puzzled. Before he could step back, Yuder quickly grabbed his arm and led him away. Members of the Cavalry who were preparing to dance and enjoying their conversations glanced at them with mild surprise but said nothing.
Soon, the music began. The loud instruments drowned out any conversations from others. Yuder tightly gripped Gakane's hand, enough to cause slight discomfort.
"Ah."
"Focus on the dance, not on anything else."
"..."
"Do you understand?"
"…Yes."
As Yuder spoke firmly, the tension in Gakane’s eyebrows seemed to soften. His tightly sealed lips appeared to tremble slightly. As he had claimed to know all the dances, Gakane danced quite well. Despite clearly not being in the mood for dancing, he moved seamlessly, a testament to years of experience in such arts.
How long did they dance in silence?
Suddenly, a soft voice reached Yuder's ears.
"You seem really strong."
"..."
"How wonderful it would have been if I could be like that too."
Repeating his murmurs, Gakane took a spin and then, as he returned, spoke again.
"Even when you told me not to come, I went ahead anyway, and hearing about my family choked me up. I was paralyzed, unable to think. Just... ashamed of everything."
"..."
"Everything Baron Durmand said wasn't entirely wrong."
A bitter emotion seemed to rise over Gakane's face, as if chewing and swallowing a bitter herb.
"The truth is, my family has nothing left but its name. We tried to arrange marriages with merchant families who desired it. And for that, we suffered all kinds of humiliation in the South. I didn't expect people in this far-off capital to know about it as well."
Gakane began to ramble disjointedly. When Yuder pieced together what he was saying, it revealed a story of a fallen noble family, more impoverished and miserable than Yuder had remembered.
"Hey, Yuder, do you remember when I said I once tried to join the knights?"
In his younger years, Gakane had aspired to be a knight and a general, to make a name for himself like the ancestors who had brought fame to his family. On the strength of his name, he had managed to join a couple of renowned knightly orders as a young apprentice, even as a squire. However, no matter how hard he persevered, he could not rise through the ranks.
It was an era where having money and a fine sword mattered more than passion when it came to becoming a knight. And Gakane had neither. He didn't possess overwhelming swordsmanship skills that could compensate for his impoverished background. There was simply no mentor willing to fully train someone who had neither money nor talent.
Eventually, as he reached the age limit for apprenticeship, Gakane accepted the reality that he could not become a knight. He returned home to help uplift his family and began to look for his own way to survive. The easiest path seemed to be accepting various matchmaking offers that came his way.
Though his family had fallen into ruin, there were still plenty of wealthy individuals who were interested in the Bolunwald family's castle. Putting aside his sword and training clothes for formal attire, Gakane started to attend matchmaking events. His parents and siblings told him he didn't have to, but he couldn't stand the thought of doing nothing and being a burden.
"I saw a lot of matches back then. But since I had nothing to offer, and wasn't particularly cooperative either... I was never a priority in that market," Gakane's eyes subtly reddened.
"I received quite a few offers, you know, for secret relationships if not for marriage."
"Did you just ignore them?" Yuder finally spoke up. Gakane let out a bitter laugh.
"What choice did I have? What could I do?"
There was a social expectation that those inheriting a castle should marry someone of equal standing. Especially for a house like the Bolunwald, which had a history of glory, engaging in such affairs would only invite scorn. Furthermore, Gakane's good looks had only fueled malicious rumors, which took on wings and spread dramatically, becoming more embellished among the southern nobility.
"But back then, I thought it was okay. I figured I'd never associate with those people again, and that I'd just marry someone—anyone—and that would be the end of it."
But life seldom goes as planned. A few months later, Gakane heard that a vacancy had opened up in one of the knightly orders he had once served as an apprentice. And he met every qualification to fill it. It was a miraculous opportunity.
"But they rejected me. Said they couldn't let someone who'd forgotten the weight of his own name and lineage into their ranks. Just like that, I was cast out. Ha."
The order wasn't willing to accept someone with a bad reputation. Despite attempts to correct the distorted rumors by reaching out to influential people among the southern nobility, he failed. There was no one left to stand up for Gakane.
"If I hadn't Awakened miraculously back then, and if there hadn't been a recruiting notice for the Cavalry... it would have been truly bleak."
Yuder recalled the run-down inn in the capital where he had first met Gakane. He had known even then that Gakane was the scion of a fallen house, but he had never truly felt the weight of it, given Gakane's cheerful demeanor.
But the reality was that Gakane had nowhere else to go; his circumstances were that dire. He had pinned his last hopes on coming here.
In the festive season of harvest, when everyone was happily dressed in formal attire, Gakane was the exception; he never seemed quite pleased. Even in dancing, something he claimed he was so accustomed to that practice was unnecessary, his expression was rather gloomy. These memories came flooding back.
"Yuder. That's why I hoped you wouldn't have to go through what I did. You were the first to bring light into my life when I was on the edge of the abyss, and you're my first real friend since I got here."
"…"
"Even though my advice might be useless… My desire to be of help to you has always been sincere. I wanted to be strong like you and worked really hard for it. I was truly happy when you proposed working together this time…"
Muttering, Gakane let out a sigh.
"But it seems like I really can't be of any help. It's ridiculous. I'm just… I'm so ashamed of everything. The fact that we're having this conversation right now… and that people are watching us…"
"Gakane."
"Knowing you could solve everything better on your own, and still unnecessarily stepping forward, that's what I'm most ashamed of right now."
"Gakane!"
Yuder interrupted, calling out Gakane's name before the shame could deepen on his face.
It was the first time Yuder had seen the usually cheerful guy appear this downcast, and he didn't know what to say to break the ice. He was at a loss for words.
'If I were Kishiar, I wouldn't have to worry about this… I'd rather fight ten guys like Baron Durmand.'
Yuder exhaled deeply. Even in that sigh, he could feel Gakane's shoulders flinch.
Gakane's words might not have been entirely wrong. Despite stepping up to help Yuder, he hadn't been much of a help, that was true.
But that didn't mean he wanted to admit it had been a pointless endeavor.
"Your judgment that you were of no help is your own. Not everything in the world can be assessed solely by its outcome."
"Right... if you're saying this out of pity for me, thanks, but it's okay. You don't have to worry. The matter has been resolved... that's all that counts."
A bitter smile briefly touched the corners of Gakane's mouth before vanishing like a mirage. He didn't seem to take Yuder's words to heart. The following conversation was no different. His face remained vacant, as if his thoughts were elsewhere, and he emanated a deep sense of melancholy.
'...His condition seems more severe than I thought.'
Yuder suddenly recalled what Enon had once said. Wasn't it that people like Gakane, who are sensitive, should not talk when others are around?
If Yuder had been in Gakane's position, he wouldn't have cared one bit. Yet, he understood how difficult it could be to discuss family matters, especially under the malicious scrutiny of others, given the circumstances. Talking further would not change the situation.
Yuder broke the silence and called Gakane's name.
"Gakane."
"..."
"Shall we dance?"
"What?"
"Follow me."
Gakane looked around, puzzled. Before he could step back, Yuder quickly grabbed his arm and led him away. Members of the Cavalry who were preparing to dance and enjoying their conversations glanced at them with mild surprise but said nothing.
Soon, the music began. The loud instruments drowned out any conversations from others. Yuder tightly gripped Gakane's hand, enough to cause slight discomfort.
"Ah."
"Focus on the dance, not on anything else."
"..."
"Do you understand?"
"…Yes."
As Yuder spoke firmly, the tension in Gakane’s eyebrows seemed to soften. His tightly sealed lips appeared to tremble slightly. As he had claimed to know all the dances, Gakane danced quite well. Despite clearly not being in the mood for dancing, he moved seamlessly, a testament to years of experience in such arts.
How long did they dance in silence?
Suddenly, a soft voice reached Yuder's ears.
"You seem really strong."
"..."
"How wonderful it would have been if I could be like that too."
Repeating his murmurs, Gakane took a spin and then, as he returned, spoke again.
"Even when you told me not to come, I went ahead anyway, and hearing about my family choked me up. I was paralyzed, unable to think. Just... ashamed of everything."
"..."
"Everything Baron Durmand said wasn't entirely wrong."
A bitter emotion seemed to rise over Gakane's face, as if chewing and swallowing a bitter herb.
"The truth is, my family has nothing left but its name. We tried to arrange marriages with merchant families who desired it. And for that, we suffered all kinds of humiliation in the South. I didn't expect people in this far-off capital to know about it as well."
Gakane began to ramble disjointedly. When Yuder pieced together what he was saying, it revealed a story of a fallen noble family, more impoverished and miserable than Yuder had remembered.
"Hey, Yuder, do you remember when I said I once tried to join the knights?"
In his younger years, Gakane had aspired to be a knight and a general, to make a name for himself like the ancestors who had brought fame to his family. On the strength of his name, he had managed to join a couple of renowned knightly orders as a young apprentice, even as a squire. However, no matter how hard he persevered, he could not rise through the ranks.
It was an era where having money and a fine sword mattered more than passion when it came to becoming a knight. And Gakane had neither. He didn't possess overwhelming swordsmanship skills that could compensate for his impoverished background. There was simply no mentor willing to fully train someone who had neither money nor talent.
Eventually, as he reached the age limit for apprenticeship, Gakane accepted the reality that he could not become a knight. He returned home to help uplift his family and began to look for his own way to survive. The easiest path seemed to be accepting various matchmaking offers that came his way.
Though his family had fallen into ruin, there were still plenty of wealthy individuals who were interested in the Bolunwald family's castle. Putting aside his sword and training clothes for formal attire, Gakane started to attend matchmaking events. His parents and siblings told him he didn't have to, but he couldn't stand the thought of doing nothing and being a burden.
"I saw a lot of matches back then. But since I had nothing to offer, and wasn't particularly cooperative either... I was never a priority in that market," Gakane's eyes subtly reddened.
"I received quite a few offers, you know, for secret relationships if not for marriage."
"Did you just ignore them?" Yuder finally spoke up. Gakane let out a bitter laugh.
"What choice did I have? What could I do?"
There was a social expectation that those inheriting a castle should marry someone of equal standing. Especially for a house like the Bolunwald, which had a history of glory, engaging in such affairs would only invite scorn. Furthermore, Gakane's good looks had only fueled malicious rumors, which took on wings and spread dramatically, becoming more embellished among the southern nobility.
"But back then, I thought it was okay. I figured I'd never associate with those people again, and that I'd just marry someone—anyone—and that would be the end of it."
But life seldom goes as planned. A few months later, Gakane heard that a vacancy had opened up in one of the knightly orders he had once served as an apprentice. And he met every qualification to fill it. It was a miraculous opportunity.
"But they rejected me. Said they couldn't let someone who'd forgotten the weight of his own name and lineage into their ranks. Just like that, I was cast out. Ha."
The order wasn't willing to accept someone with a bad reputation. Despite attempts to correct the distorted rumors by reaching out to influential people among the southern nobility, he failed. There was no one left to stand up for Gakane.
"If I hadn't Awakened miraculously back then, and if there hadn't been a recruiting notice for the Cavalry... it would have been truly bleak."
Yuder recalled the run-down inn in the capital where he had first met Gakane. He had known even then that Gakane was the scion of a fallen house, but he had never truly felt the weight of it, given Gakane's cheerful demeanor.
But the reality was that Gakane had nowhere else to go; his circumstances were that dire. He had pinned his last hopes on coming here.
In the festive season of harvest, when everyone was happily dressed in formal attire, Gakane was the exception; he never seemed quite pleased. Even in dancing, something he claimed he was so accustomed to that practice was unnecessary, his expression was rather gloomy. These memories came flooding back.
"Yuder. That's why I hoped you wouldn't have to go through what I did. You were the first to bring light into my life when I was on the edge of the abyss, and you're my first real friend since I got here."
"…"
"Even though my advice might be useless… My desire to be of help to you has always been sincere. I wanted to be strong like you and worked really hard for it. I was truly happy when you proposed working together this time…"
Muttering, Gakane let out a sigh.
"But it seems like I really can't be of any help. It's ridiculous. I'm just… I'm so ashamed of everything. The fact that we're having this conversation right now… and that people are watching us…"
"Gakane."
"Knowing you could solve everything better on your own, and still unnecessarily stepping forward, that's what I'm most ashamed of right now."
"Gakane!"
Yuder interrupted, calling out Gakane's name before the shame could deepen on his face.
It was the first time Yuder had seen the usually cheerful guy appear this downcast, and he didn't know what to say to break the ice. He was at a loss for words.
'If I were Kishiar, I wouldn't have to worry about this… I'd rather fight ten guys like Baron Durmand.'
Yuder exhaled deeply. Even in that sigh, he could feel Gakane's shoulders flinch.
