"What is coming?" Yuder's mind belatedly dissected the words, trying to make sense of them. His vision, shrouded by the robe of his formal attire, became blurred. Lost in a familiar darkness, Yuder stopped thinking altogether and simply stared into that silent black void.
His head felt duller than usual. Sounds were muffled, and the world seemed to move slowly. He was well-acquainted with this kind of darkness; it was mostly during the nights that he savored the sensation of being drunk, always alone.
Back then, he would always be in the Commander’s room. When consumed by thoughts he couldn't shake off on his own, he would drink Quelochet that he'd stashed in a dusty corner of the Commander's room located at the top of the old barracks of the Cavalry.
He couldn't remember who had given it to him, but he was certain it was during a party. It was right after an event celebrating their perfect victory against large monsters in the northeast.
Emperor Katchian had bestowed a reward upon him, while nobles murmured behind him—suspiciously discussing his inhuman strength and the dangers of being an Awakener. And yet, it was the most mundane setting for Yudrain Aile, the Commander of the Cavalry unit, where several people would furtively seek his attention, hoping to ask something of him.
Someone raised a toast to the great Commander Yudrain Aile. He was no stranger to poison drinks served with ill intent, but since he had never fallen for it before, he took the glass without worry. "When will they stop this foolishness?" he remembered thinking. But this time was different.
The moment he drank, his stomach burned and dizziness overwhelmed him. Sensing his heart rate accelerate, he frowned, prompting concerned voices to rise around him. Of course, most of those voices were disingenuous, exaggeratedly loud to maintain an appearance.
"Is the day finally here? The day this inhuman monster, this lowborn, falls?"
"Could I be the first to witness such an extraordinary and interesting spectacle?"
Behind these easily-read expressions, the relaxed face of Emperor Katchian was visible, seated comfortably on his golden throne. He seemed indifferent to the state of his favored subordinate, sipping his own drink.
Gazing beyond a beautifully crafted glass, Yuder's eyes met the emperor's—turbid and red.
In that moment, when his knees nearly gave out as if looking through a shattered mirror, a phrase brushed Yuder's mind.
"–You'll always have those who look down on you. But remember, a Commander has no need to lower himself."
To others, and to himself.
Strength returned to Yuder's legs. He neither staggered nor fell.
Firmly planting his feet on the ground, he slowly looked around, as if nothing had changed. Those who met his gaze hastily looked away. The person who handed him the drink had long since paled.
Though his head was still dull and his blood still rushed quickly,
Nothing had changed.
Yudrain Aile did not falter before those who wished for his downfall. With an unchanged complexion, he drank more, sending a shiver of terror through those present. Nobody dared stop him as he left the party, bottle in hand.
Back in the Commander’s room, Yuder tried to recall the taste of the Quelochet he had drunk. But he couldn't remember it, perhaps because he would get drunk right away. All he could summon was the distinct smell of dust from that very room.
Yuder had never shown anyone the way he got drunk. All he did was sit in a chair, feeling his body temperature slowly rise and then fall again, while staring at the night sky beyond the window.
And when he grew bored, he would count the passage of time with dimmed eyes, for no particular reason, until his inebriation faded.
Until his body temperature returned to normal and sounds became audible again, until he could no longer revel in thoughtless silence. On and on it went.
He had decided it would be so...
"...Suddenly feeling tipsy, aren't we?"
A voice suddenly pierced his ears. The muffled noises that had surrounded him disappeared, replaced by a sudden clarity of voice. Yuder opened his heavy eyes.
Though his head and senses remained dull, the presence of the person before him felt incredibly vivid. His body sensed the other's presence before his ears did.
Where he was standing, what he was looking at, how he approached, how he was extending his hand... Everything felt palpably connected by some invisible force.
Even though his vision was obstructed by a ceremonial robe, his body, highly alert, didn't budge an inch before the reaching hand. The sporadic tension that had shielded him from the surroundings now lay still, killing his ragged breaths.
And finally, the hand, imbued with a chilly scent, slowly lifted the flap of the ceremonial robe that had covered Yuder's face.
When the sun is at its zenith, people easily forget that night had existed just a few hours ago.
The moment Yuder locked eyes with Kishiar La Orr, he momentarily forgot all the memories that had surfaced from the darkness that had covered his face.
"..."
"Yuder Aile, can you hear me?"
To meet Yuder's gaze, Kishiar had knelt down. Yuder realized the familiarity of the scene.
'When was it?'
He cautiously met Kishiar's gaze; that face, though gentle, failed to fully suppress the fiery emotion within its eyes.
'When...'
"Yuder."
White fingertips touched Yuder's cheek. In that moment, Yuder realized what he had been trying to remember.
It was the moment he had manifested his second gender.
"...Commander."
His lips parted, slightly damp. Kishiar seemed to instantly recognize who Yuder was referring to, nodding his head.
"Good, you can hear my voice."
"When...did you arrive? Why..."
"That's not important."
Kishiar turned his head slightly to better lock eyes with Yuder, his voice soft but firm.
"May I remove your gloves? I heard you were injured."
"That has...healed, but..."
"I know. There's something I want to check. It'll only take a moment."
"..."
"Is that alright?"
Yuder flinched as the hand pulling at his fingertips made its move, yet offered no resistance. Two gloves were removed with a tingling sensation; he felt Kishiar pass them to someone behind him, but he let it be.
"If something turns up, we'll take care of it immediately."
"Is it... serious? Had he... used too much power? Is he alright, Commander?"
"He’s fine. The priest and apothecary said so, so we will need to be careful from now on."
"I'm relieved, but still..."
"..."
"Understood. Then..."
A brief exchange later, the door closed again. Now, only the two of them remained in the lounge.
When Kishiar attempted to kneel before him again, Yuder extended his hand, clenching and unclenching his fist. He wanted to speak, but his mouth felt too heavy to open. He merely lowered his head slightly, but the perceptive man quickly caught on to Yuder's intentions.
"Do you not like it when I sit like this?"
"…"
"I understand."
Soon after, Yuder felt the seat next to him sink as a palpable weight settled. A comforting warmth enveloped him, much like a quilt.
He hadn't noticed until then, but someone had turned off all the lights in the lounge. The room was eerily silent and dim. A window, not too far away, was slightly ajar, letting in a night breeze that tickled his face.
Yuder let the silence wash over him, staring into space as if by habit. As he slowly cycled through this, the tension drained from his body and he relaxed completely.
It was then that he heard the voice again.
"What are you thinking about right now, my assistant?"
Yuder's eyes blinked slowly. The smiling, pale face before him seemed oddly unfamiliar. The excessive beauty of the visage made it appear half-unreal, like something from a dream or fantasy.
"…Counting."
"Counting what?"
"Counting the passing moments."
"Counting the passage of time was also a game I often played long ago."
"…"
"In my case, it was because lying in bed got tedious. Do you feel the same?"
‘Is it tedious?’ Yuder asked himself, then shook his head.
"It's not tedious."
"Do you, in fact, enjoy spending time like this?"
He didn't respond, but the other man didn't seem to mind.
"Hmm. That's quite interesting, a fact I've learned for the first time."
The man chuckled softly. Amidst everything feeling slow and dull, that laughter touched something deep within Yuder, making his chest tingle.
Perhaps because of that, Yuder suddenly found himself speaking more openly than he had intended.
"I've always counted like this, even before."
For a moment, there was a brief silence beside him, then a slightly lower voice spoke.
"Even before, you say?"
"…"
"Have you often counted time while as intoxicated as tonight?"
Check out the new project:
Surviving as a Mage in a Magic Academy
Graduate student Yi-han finds himself reborn in another world as the youngest child of a mage family.
– I’m never attending school, ever again!
‘What do you wish to achieve in life?’
‘I wish to play around and live comforta-‘
‘You must be aware of your talent. Now go attend Einroguard!’
‘Patriarch!’
My future would be guaranteed once I graduate. For my future!
"What is coming?" Yuder's mind belatedly dissected the words, trying to make sense of them. His vision, shrouded by the robe of his formal attire, became blurred. Lost in a familiar darkness, Yuder stopped thinking altogether and simply stared into that silent black void.
His head felt duller than usual. Sounds were muffled, and the world seemed to move slowly. He was well-acquainted with this kind of darkness; it was mostly during the nights that he savored the sensation of being drunk, always alone.
Back then, he would always be in the Commander’s room. When consumed by thoughts he couldn't shake off on his own, he would drink Quelochet that he'd stashed in a dusty corner of the Commander's room located at the top of the old barracks of the Cavalry.
He couldn't remember who had given it to him, but he was certain it was during a party. It was right after an event celebrating their perfect victory against large monsters in the northeast.
Emperor Katchian had bestowed a reward upon him, while nobles murmured behind him—suspiciously discussing his inhuman strength and the dangers of being an Awakener. And yet, it was the most mundane setting for Yudrain Aile, the Commander of the Cavalry unit, where several people would furtively seek his attention, hoping to ask something of him.
Someone raised a toast to the great Commander Yudrain Aile. He was no stranger to poison drinks served with ill intent, but since he had never fallen for it before, he took the glass without worry. "When will they stop this foolishness?" he remembered thinking. But this time was different.
The moment he drank, his stomach burned and dizziness overwhelmed him. Sensing his heart rate accelerate, he frowned, prompting concerned voices to rise around him. Of course, most of those voices were disingenuous, exaggeratedly loud to maintain an appearance.
"Is the day finally here? The day this inhuman monster, this lowborn, falls?"
"Could I be the first to witness such an extraordinary and interesting spectacle?"
Behind these easily-read expressions, the relaxed face of Emperor Katchian was visible, seated comfortably on his golden throne. He seemed indifferent to the state of his favored subordinate, sipping his own drink.
Gazing beyond a beautifully crafted glass, Yuder's eyes met the emperor's—turbid and red.
In that moment, when his knees nearly gave out as if looking through a shattered mirror, a phrase brushed Yuder's mind.
"–You'll always have those who look down on you. But remember, a Commander has no need to lower himself."
To others, and to himself.
Strength returned to Yuder's legs. He neither staggered nor fell.
Firmly planting his feet on the ground, he slowly looked around, as if nothing had changed. Those who met his gaze hastily looked away. The person who handed him the drink had long since paled.
Though his head was still dull and his blood still rushed quickly,
Nothing had changed.
Yudrain Aile did not falter before those who wished for his downfall. With an unchanged complexion, he drank more, sending a shiver of terror through those present. Nobody dared stop him as he left the party, bottle in hand.
Back in the Commander’s room, Yuder tried to recall the taste of the Quelochet he had drunk. But he couldn't remember it, perhaps because he would get drunk right away. All he could summon was the distinct smell of dust from that very room.
Yuder had never shown anyone the way he got drunk. All he did was sit in a chair, feeling his body temperature slowly rise and then fall again, while staring at the night sky beyond the window.
And when he grew bored, he would count the passage of time with dimmed eyes, for no particular reason, until his inebriation faded.
Until his body temperature returned to normal and sounds became audible again, until he could no longer revel in thoughtless silence. On and on it went.
He had decided it would be so...
"...Suddenly feeling tipsy, aren't we?"
A voice suddenly pierced his ears. The muffled noises that had surrounded him disappeared, replaced by a sudden clarity of voice. Yuder opened his heavy eyes.
Though his head and senses remained dull, the presence of the person before him felt incredibly vivid. His body sensed the other's presence before his ears did.
Where he was standing, what he was looking at, how he approached, how he was extending his hand... Everything felt palpably connected by some invisible force.
Even though his vision was obstructed by a ceremonial robe, his body, highly alert, didn't budge an inch before the reaching hand. The sporadic tension that had shielded him from the surroundings now lay still, killing his ragged breaths.
And finally, the hand, imbued with a chilly scent, slowly lifted the flap of the ceremonial robe that had covered Yuder's face.
When the sun is at its zenith, people easily forget that night had existed just a few hours ago.
The moment Yuder locked eyes with Kishiar La Orr, he momentarily forgot all the memories that had surfaced from the darkness that had covered his face.
"..."
"Yuder Aile, can you hear me?"
To meet Yuder's gaze, Kishiar had knelt down. Yuder realized the familiarity of the scene.
'When was it?'
He cautiously met Kishiar's gaze; that face, though gentle, failed to fully suppress the fiery emotion within its eyes.
'When...'
"Yuder."
White fingertips touched Yuder's cheek. In that moment, Yuder realized what he had been trying to remember.
It was the moment he had manifested his second gender.
"...Commander."
His lips parted, slightly damp. Kishiar seemed to instantly recognize who Yuder was referring to, nodding his head.
"Good, you can hear my voice."
"When...did you arrive? Why..."
"That's not important."
Kishiar turned his head slightly to better lock eyes with Yuder, his voice soft but firm.
"May I remove your gloves? I heard you were injured."
"That has...healed, but..."
"I know. There's something I want to check. It'll only take a moment."
"..."
"Is that alright?"
Yuder flinched as the hand pulling at his fingertips made its move, yet offered no resistance. Two gloves were removed with a tingling sensation; he felt Kishiar pass them to someone behind him, but he let it be.
"If something turns up, we'll take care of it immediately."
"Is it... serious? Had he... used too much power? Is he alright, Commander?"
"He’s fine. The priest and apothecary said so, so we will need to be careful from now on."
"I'm relieved, but still..."
"..."
"Understood. Then..."
A brief exchange later, the door closed again. Now, only the two of them remained in the lounge.
When Kishiar attempted to kneel before him again, Yuder extended his hand, clenching and unclenching his fist. He wanted to speak, but his mouth felt too heavy to open. He merely lowered his head slightly, but the perceptive man quickly caught on to Yuder's intentions.
"Do you not like it when I sit like this?"
"…"
"I understand."
Soon after, Yuder felt the seat next to him sink as a palpable weight settled. A comforting warmth enveloped him, much like a quilt.
He hadn't noticed until then, but someone had turned off all the lights in the lounge. The room was eerily silent and dim. A window, not too far away, was slightly ajar, letting in a night breeze that tickled his face.
Yuder let the silence wash over him, staring into space as if by habit. As he slowly cycled through this, the tension drained from his body and he relaxed completely.
It was then that he heard the voice again.
"What are you thinking about right now, my assistant?"
Yuder's eyes blinked slowly. The smiling, pale face before him seemed oddly unfamiliar. The excessive beauty of the visage made it appear half-unreal, like something from a dream or fantasy.
"…Counting."
"Counting what?"
"Counting the passing moments."
"Counting the passage of time was also a game I often played long ago."
"…"
"In my case, it was because lying in bed got tedious. Do you feel the same?"
‘Is it tedious?’ Yuder asked himself, then shook his head.
"It's not tedious."
"Do you, in fact, enjoy spending time like this?"
He didn't respond, but the other man didn't seem to mind.
"Hmm. That's quite interesting, a fact I've learned for the first time."
The man chuckled softly. Amidst everything feeling slow and dull, that laughter touched something deep within Yuder, making his chest tingle.
Perhaps because of that, Yuder suddenly found himself speaking more openly than he had intended.
"I've always counted like this, even before."
For a moment, there was a brief silence beside him, then a slightly lower voice spoke.
"Even before, you say?"
"…"
"Have you often counted time while as intoxicated as tonight?"
Check out the new project:
Surviving as a Mage in a Magic Academy
Graduate student Yi-han finds himself reborn in another world as the youngest child of a mage family.
– I’m never attending school, ever again!
‘What do you wish to achieve in life?’
‘I wish to play around and live comforta-‘
‘You must be aware of your talent. Now go attend Einroguard!’
‘Patriarch!’
My future would be guaranteed once I graduate. For my future!
