Chapter 11
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Shimonthini looked at Rupert. He was silent throughout the drive. That was not uncommon for him. He was mostly silent. Rupert's eyes always spoke more than he did and he had cut off her view into his heart by wearing sunglasses. Shimonthini felt like reaching out and taking them off. She would have saved for the doubt that lingered on in her mind: "Was she what he wanted?"
When they reached home Sipra had been eagerly waiting. Shinjini had come to visit a few days ago. She had finished eight days of married bliss. Shimonthini had refused to come then. She could have but she didn't want to tell her personal details amongst a crowd gathered to celebrate a week of their marriage. This visit was however personal and for all that the Hazras would know their daughter would keep visiting them again and again.
When the car stopped Rupert hurried out to open Shimonthini's door. Shimonthini smiled at the gesture and gave him her hand which he took and brought to his mouth. His lips held a heartwarming smile. If only She could see the doubt clouding his blue eyes Shimonthini would have told him that her smile had nothing to do with memories of Rishi and all that she had told him about the dead and departed were stories made up to force her heart to love the man her head had once told was sufficient for her.
It was difficult for Shimonthini to recall when the time was that she felt anything for Rishi or if she felt anything at all. Rishi was the first lover, not by choice. He was the first real-life person she confided her fears and doubts in and he used them to manipulate her. Shimonthini lost her hard earned job because Rishi had made her err. She trusted his judgement more than her own. She was young and naive and gullible. Rishi was the handsome CEO showering her with attention. She believed him when he told her that she was more beautiful than a diamond while buying diamonds for other women. She believed him when he accused her to not know how to behave with a man and that she had led him on when he molested her. She even believed his reason for not wanting to marry her for the years that they were together.
The thing with a woman believing is that it never coincides with what she knows. Shimonthini knew that Rishi was playing her emotions all along. She knew about the woman Rishi was forced to marry at the age of twenty when he had gotten her pregnant. She knew that Rishi was draining her bank accounts dry. But knowing all this did not change what she told herself to believe. Yes, she was lying to herself in so many different ways. But at the end of the day she got from it what she needed, a reason to live. Being exploited cannot be a logical reason to live. Women are rarely if ever logical. When Rishi died Shimonthini struggled hard to shed a tear. The feeling that passed through her was a relief. She was free. She was no longer honour bound to a man who had no affection for her. The first tears that came were for the years she had lost. How cruel could nature be? One day more and she would be an honourable widow. One day less and she was a grieving mistress while his legal wife lay in some part of India in ignorant bliss waiting for the money he would send embezzled from Simonthini's accounts. With the point of affection gone Shimonthini had stopped thinking irrationally and her mind couldn't stop accusing her of foolishness. Still, she was his betroth and when Fates finally made Shimonthini's dream of a family come true the guilt of being happy at the expense of his death kept eating the relationship. Shimonthini knew what she needed right then. She needed her best friend but he was all the way out there in Paris playing a tune on the piano he called Monique to a full concert.
When Henry received his brother's call telling him that the wedding was to be called off he was surprised. One fact he knew well about his brother was that he never backed down. Rupert Mornington never got cold feet. Then why did he now? Henry didn't ask. Henry never asked a question to the brother who had stood by him when no one would. Therapy after therapy went by as he lost connection to reality and regained and lost again. Two things kept his sanity locked down somewhere inside his heart: his brother's faith in him and his muse's trust in him. Henry wondered where Monique was. A fortnight had passed since the accident. Henry wondered if she could at least try and learn to be happy by herself.
Women are parasites, at least most are. They live off the emotions of others. A young girl sees her mother and wants to be like her. The first signs of jealousy are seen in the throes of childhood as the daughter dons her mother's garments and ravages her cosmetics for that perfect shade of pink that would remove all distinction between the mother and daughter. Then as the girl grows in years what she yearns for is her own family, a husband to cook for, a son to sew for and a daughter to dress up. A few years later she wishes for her mother's kitchen and then soon for her own. Society is just in this that it never lets a daughter steal her own mother's life but pushes her towards a different home with a different mother and a different husband. Reverse Oedipus complex is not just a sexual bent of mind. It is a social yearning that a daughter has for emulating the womb that engendered her.
Sipra waited at the door to receive her emulator who for some reasons had decided in her early youth that it was not worth mimicking a narrow-minded, semi-educated Indian housewife in her pursuits of worldly ways. What the other never realized was that the daughter was consciously denying herself the right to be jealous of the people who had endowed her with the gift of life. Rupert stood behind the two women hugging and took off his sunglasses to finally reveal reddened eyes. He explained an allergic reaction to dust at his mother in law's concern. He could never explain his tears for a man never cries.
Men are simpler creatures, so preoccupied to assumptions that they rarely have to undergo a struggle between the head and the heart. A dog is a man's best friend for the same reason. Both these creatures are immune to the tug of temptation unless it comes from the opposite sex. It calls to mind the expression of a dog in heat and a man in love, both worthless for a worldly purpose. Rupert was not in love. He was incapable of loving a woman, another assumption that had been thrust on him by society, an assumption born more of the thousands of responsibilities he had shouldered rather than the one responsibility he could not. The time when his autistic sister lay dying in the hospital bed was a critical time for Rupert. A woman lay in wait for him and for a decision he needed to make. When he was finally relieved of one responsibility and sworn into the next the moment of the decision was passed. The woman he loved was betrothed to a man who was there for her when he was not.
Responsibilities define a lot of relationships. When God made the man he made him Lord of the world and the responsibilities came upon man to be a good Lord, to tend to his cattle, to fleece his sheep, to sow seeds in his fields and to provide for his woman. To the woman, He entrusted the responsibility of comforting her husband alone. So while the man lay toiling through his tasks the woman, unencumbered, gave in to the temptation of the serpent and ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. What if man never knew what was good or what was evil? Then there would be no definition of sin. A man could kill a beast and eat for lunch without the fear of being a beast in his next life. But wait! Only the Hindus have to undergo that. Is it really so? If God created man, he created all mankind. The man was the one who created a religion.
Rupert had readily taken up Shimonthini's responsibility. He was wont to do it. What he did not know how to do was to combat the emotions he felt for the woman who was using him as a rebound for her lost love. Rupert may not love her but he had decided on one thing, a responsibility he took was a responsibility he had to accomplish. He had decided to speak to her and tell her he was postponing the wedding till the time she felt she would marry him out of her will and not out of compulsion. When the couple entered the house following the mother they found seated on the couch a woman neither wanted to see. It was not Aunt Rupa for all it was worth but it was Shinjini.
"What are you doing here?" Shimonthini asked.
"You are at my house, remember?" Shinjini countered.
Shimonthini could not deny the right to the home that she had relinquished so long ago. Yes, this was Shinjini's home and a home she too longed to get back. It was Sipra who reminded her boastful daughter that it was Moni's house before it ever was hers.
Rupert sat down uncomfortably. He knew there was tension between the two sisters without having to have every word translated to him. His plans to start wooing the woman he was to spend the rest of his life with would have to wait till he was out of this country. With the ties to the country gone Shimonthini would no longer be bound to him and he would have the freedom to pursue her heart before she feared for her body. That was what he aimed for.
The hours passed by as one ritual went after the other and the couple got frustrated. Shinjini sat on a reclining chair munching on potato chips while Shimonthini got flustered with the mother's thousand questions. Shinjini had already been accosted earlier. After the many rituals went the many feasting, food that neither husband nor wife preferred. Soon the day was to come to a close. Shimonthini excused herself into the room that belonged to her many a years ago. Rupert was entrusted to the guest room while Shinjini refused to share the room with her sister and wished to go back home.
Shinjini finally had her own home and did not feel the need to intrude upon her mother's household. Girls grow up dreaming of a home, a family, a kitchen and a roof that they can claim their ownership to. It is second nature of a woman to envy and she starts her journey by envying her own mother. Well, Shinjini did not need to envy her mother any more. She had the better home, better family and with Shimonthini soon out of her house there would be little to overrule her. The Matriarch and her companion were silent spectators in the occurrences of the household. Shinjini felt uncomfortable in their silent judgement but truth remained that they were withering away by the day and her position in the household was blossoming by the hour. The old order changeth yielding to the new and Shinjini was the new order of the Mukherjee household. However, the thing that had brought her to her maternal home all of a sudden still remained.
Despite Damyanti's sense of discretion and the need for order disorder always spreads. It is the law of the universe that all systems tend towards the disordered state. The Entropy of the world always increases and can never be zero. Shinjini did find out about Rahul's visit to Moni di's room, a visit that had left him flustered and irritable. Shinjini knew that her sister was not the innocent little maiden she assumed to be and she doubted very much that it was the wanton female who had lured her husband. Tit for tat it always went in her world and Shinjini secretly stole into the room where a working Rupert sat with his smart phone typing documents that he planned to mail into office that very day. Shinjini did not have to be told that women were always Rupert's weakness. Perhaps they are every man's weakness and Shinjini decided to tempt the man whose wife dared to break the sanctity of her marriage.
"What do you want, sister?" Rupert asked courteously.
"I want you just like your wife often wants my husband," Shinjini said matter-of-factly.
The fact that the Matriarch had informed Rupert that Shimonthini originally knew herself to be Rahul's fiancé only made him believe her more. Shinjini's words did not break his resolve into making Shimonthini his. If anyone in the Mukherjee household believed in the sanctity of marriage it was then perhaps Rupert. Damyanti had seen her marriage become a joke, Imli had found herself in enforced slavery through marriage. Rahul understood marriage to be a way to a means which he least expected. Ravi was too immature to put importance to it. Under such a condition Rupert felt his heart melt a little on hearing of his wife's indiscretion. He would have to ask her to come clean about it. Rupert believed in honesty to be better than half truths and compromises. It was better to live with a bitter truth than half baked lies.
"What do you want from me?" Rupert asked half knowing the answer to his question.
"I want you to help me forgive my husband and my sister, by making them forgive their respective spouse and sibling, as well." Shinjini offered.
Rupert took a deep breath. "I am not going to cheat on my wife but if you want to spend your night here I have no objection as long as you leave before my in-laws awaken the following morning."
Shinjini climbed up into Rupert's bed and felt his jaw harden. Shinjini had seen men weak before women. She had seen men detest women exploiting their weaknesses. Shinjini knew men to be enamoured with the thought of women, the touch of women, and the scent of women. The first time could she find a man willing to test his endurance of a woman for the sake of a relationship he was not responsible for!
"Are you sure you don't even want a bite?" Shinjini asked not referring to any food item but rather herself.
Rupert looked at her and smiled at her desperation. He was not tense because he was affected and her desperation made him surer of himself. "I won't lie to you and tell you I have turned a vegetarian. 'T is Far from it. But over the years I have realized that the success and failure of a marriage are in our own hands. If I do not forgive my own wife and wish to exact revenge than how is tolerance ever going to be a part of our relationship? Even a new Christian falters in faith but he learns from those stumbling blocks to stand more erect and more firm in God's love. I would rather not expect her love to be as pure as that of God. What I might expect is to strive to attain his likeness like all his children are wont to be and try to be as forgiving as Him."
"Are you a preacher or something?" Shinjini asked.
"No sister. I am a sinner. My Lord is the Lord of the sinners and transgressors and He is there to forgive us." Rupert explained.
"Whatever you say, bro! I am right here for the night. If you need a fuck you know where you need to turn to." So saying Shinjini turned her back towards him and turned off the light on her side of the bed.
It was past midnight when Shimonthini felt thirsty and she stole into her husband's room to witness his sleeping form. What she witnessed were her sister's arms folded around his chest as they both slept peacefully. Shimonthini rushed to her own room, tears streaking down her face. She went into her bed and tried to shut off the images from sending whiplashes of pain through her memory. It did not work much. After a while, Shimonthini got down from her bed and kneeled beside it. "Dear father in Heaven, I did not ask for a home, I did not ask for a husband. All I asked was for a sense of belonging. Now I know I have what does not belong to me, what I do not deserve. Teach me how to look into my dear one's transgressions and forgive them in a heart beat. Teach me how you forgive your children that mistreat you. I need your guidance to be that which may assuage my husband's desires. Help me, Father. Amen."
Shimonthini went back into her bed and waited for her eyes to close again. Tomorrow was always a new day. Tomorrow was always a new beginning. When tomorrow came Shinjini was gone. No one knew of her absence from the household save the men who shared and were supposed to share her bed. Shimonthini and Rupert boarded the cab that was to take them to the airport and out of this life that had brought them together. Shimonthini never asked Rupert about the night before and Rupert did not ask her about Shinjini's accusations.
"When is the wedding?" Shimonthini asked.
"I have postponed it," Rupert answered.
The poison of doubt stung her heart and a tear trickled down her eyes. "That is a good decision." Shimonthini tried to say before her voice was choked by the tears that threatened to burst out.
"I am not Rahul Mukherjee. I am not the eldest son of the Mukherjee household. I am not a widower and I am definitely not the man you were supposed to marry. I am eager to work within my limitations but I do not want to work behind the shield of the kumkum marking your forehead. I want you to be comfortable spending your life with me but that I want to be your decision. If within the next one month we find that we are not compatible with one another you may decide to part ways. As for me, that ring on your finger is proof enough that I wish to spend the rest of my life with you." Rupert said. Shimonthini nodded. However, the scene of her sister's arms across her fiancé's chest failed to leave her subconscious. Was she too old for his liking?
Back in Paris Henry waited impatiently for his flight to London where he intended to meet his brother's fiancée whom he was now not to give away to him. His curiosity was at his peak. Rosaline had eloped with his younger brother Heinrich bringing shame to him and his family. That had been followed by a year of Rupert's hatred of anything and everything about the Monnets. Heinrich Monnet was the man who had taken Rupert's daughter away from him. Truth to be told Rosaline was not Rupert's biological daughter but she believed otherwise. Her marriage with Heinrich had made her even more dispassionate towards her foster father and guardian. Henry knew that Rosaline was going to attend the wedding that had almost been announced and for that, she would be in London. All that Heinrich had to ensure was that father and daughter were united and the distance that had furthered them over the last couple of years would disappear. Add to that the excitement of meeting the fiancée of the man who 'did not do' relationships. Henry had a gut feeling that this trip was going to be interesting.
What Henry did not count on was coming face to face with Shimonthini, a face he knew so well and a woman he had never met. How would Henry come to terms with Shimonthini's decision to bury his muse in the sands of time and live a life of anonymity in her husband's shadow?
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Shimonthini looked at Rupert. He was silent throughout the drive. That was not uncommon for him. He was mostly silent. Rupert's eyes always spoke more than he did and he had cut off her view into his heart by wearing sunglasses. Shimonthini felt like reaching out and taking them off. She would have saved for the doubt that lingered on in her mind: "Was she what he wanted?"
When they reached home Sipra had been eagerly waiting. Shinjini had come to visit a few days ago. She had finished eight days of married bliss. Shimonthini had refused to come then. She could have but she didn't want to tell her personal details amongst a crowd gathered to celebrate a week of their marriage. This visit was however personal and for all that the Hazras would know their daughter would keep visiting them again and again.
When the car stopped Rupert hurried out to open Shimonthini's door. Shimonthini smiled at the gesture and gave him her hand which he took and brought to his mouth. His lips held a heartwarming smile. If only She could see the doubt clouding his blue eyes Shimonthini would have told him that her smile had nothing to do with memories of Rishi and all that she had told him about the dead and departed were stories made up to force her heart to love the man her head had once told was sufficient for her.
It was difficult for Shimonthini to recall when the time was that she felt anything for Rishi or if she felt anything at all. Rishi was the first lover, not by choice. He was the first real-life person she confided her fears and doubts in and he used them to manipulate her. Shimonthini lost her hard earned job because Rishi had made her err. She trusted his judgement more than her own. She was young and naive and gullible. Rishi was the handsome CEO showering her with attention. She believed him when he told her that she was more beautiful than a diamond while buying diamonds for other women. She believed him when he accused her to not know how to behave with a man and that she had led him on when he molested her. She even believed his reason for not wanting to marry her for the years that they were together.
The thing with a woman believing is that it never coincides with what she knows. Shimonthini knew that Rishi was playing her emotions all along. She knew about the woman Rishi was forced to marry at the age of twenty when he had gotten her pregnant. She knew that Rishi was draining her bank accounts dry. But knowing all this did not change what she told herself to believe. Yes, she was lying to herself in so many different ways. But at the end of the day she got from it what she needed, a reason to live. Being exploited cannot be a logical reason to live. Women are rarely if ever logical. When Rishi died Shimonthini struggled hard to shed a tear. The feeling that passed through her was a relief. She was free. She was no longer honour bound to a man who had no affection for her. The first tears that came were for the years she had lost. How cruel could nature be? One day more and she would be an honourable widow. One day less and she was a grieving mistress while his legal wife lay in some part of India in ignorant bliss waiting for the money he would send embezzled from Simonthini's accounts. With the point of affection gone Shimonthini had stopped thinking irrationally and her mind couldn't stop accusing her of foolishness. Still, she was his betroth and when Fates finally made Shimonthini's dream of a family come true the guilt of being happy at the expense of his death kept eating the relationship. Shimonthini knew what she needed right then. She needed her best friend but he was all the way out there in Paris playing a tune on the piano he called Monique to a full concert.
When Henry received his brother's call telling him that the wedding was to be called off he was surprised. One fact he knew well about his brother was that he never backed down. Rupert Mornington never got cold feet. Then why did he now? Henry didn't ask. Henry never asked a question to the brother who had stood by him when no one would. Therapy after therapy went by as he lost connection to reality and regained and lost again. Two things kept his sanity locked down somewhere inside his heart: his brother's faith in him and his muse's trust in him. Henry wondered where Monique was. A fortnight had passed since the accident. Henry wondered if she could at least try and learn to be happy by herself.
Women are parasites, at least most are. They live off the emotions of others. A young girl sees her mother and wants to be like her. The first signs of jealousy are seen in the throes of childhood as the daughter dons her mother's garments and ravages her cosmetics for that perfect shade of pink that would remove all distinction between the mother and daughter. Then as the girl grows in years what she yearns for is her own family, a husband to cook for, a son to sew for and a daughter to dress up. A few years later she wishes for her mother's kitchen and then soon for her own. Society is just in this that it never lets a daughter steal her own mother's life but pushes her towards a different home with a different mother and a different husband. Reverse Oedipus complex is not just a sexual bent of mind. It is a social yearning that a daughter has for emulating the womb that engendered her.
Sipra waited at the door to receive her emulator who for some reasons had decided in her early youth that it was not worth mimicking a narrow-minded, semi-educated Indian housewife in her pursuits of worldly ways. What the other never realized was that the daughter was consciously denying herself the right to be jealous of the people who had endowed her with the gift of life. Rupert stood behind the two women hugging and took off his sunglasses to finally reveal reddened eyes. He explained an allergic reaction to dust at his mother in law's concern. He could never explain his tears for a man never cries.
Men are simpler creatures, so preoccupied to assumptions that they rarely have to undergo a struggle between the head and the heart. A dog is a man's best friend for the same reason. Both these creatures are immune to the tug of temptation unless it comes from the opposite sex. It calls to mind the expression of a dog in heat and a man in love, both worthless for a worldly purpose. Rupert was not in love. He was incapable of loving a woman, another assumption that had been thrust on him by society, an assumption born more of the thousands of responsibilities he had shouldered rather than the one responsibility he could not. The time when his autistic sister lay dying in the hospital bed was a critical time for Rupert. A woman lay in wait for him and for a decision he needed to make. When he was finally relieved of one responsibility and sworn into the next the moment of the decision was passed. The woman he loved was betrothed to a man who was there for her when he was not.
Responsibilities define a lot of relationships. When God made the man he made him Lord of the world and the responsibilities came upon man to be a good Lord, to tend to his cattle, to fleece his sheep, to sow seeds in his fields and to provide for his woman. To the woman, He entrusted the responsibility of comforting her husband alone. So while the man lay toiling through his tasks the woman, unencumbered, gave in to the temptation of the serpent and ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. What if man never knew what was good or what was evil? Then there would be no definition of sin. A man could kill a beast and eat for lunch without the fear of being a beast in his next life. But wait! Only the Hindus have to undergo that. Is it really so? If God created man, he created all mankind. The man was the one who created a religion.
Rupert had readily taken up Shimonthini's responsibility. He was wont to do it. What he did not know how to do was to combat the emotions he felt for the woman who was using him as a rebound for her lost love. Rupert may not love her but he had decided on one thing, a responsibility he took was a responsibility he had to accomplish. He had decided to speak to her and tell her he was postponing the wedding till the time she felt she would marry him out of her will and not out of compulsion. When the couple entered the house following the mother they found seated on the couch a woman neither wanted to see. It was not Aunt Rupa for all it was worth but it was Shinjini.
"What are you doing here?" Shimonthini asked.
"You are at my house, remember?" Shinjini countered.
Shimonthini could not deny the right to the home that she had relinquished so long ago. Yes, this was Shinjini's home and a home she too longed to get back. It was Sipra who reminded her boastful daughter that it was Moni's house before it ever was hers.
Rupert sat down uncomfortably. He knew there was tension between the two sisters without having to have every word translated to him. His plans to start wooing the woman he was to spend the rest of his life with would have to wait till he was out of this country. With the ties to the country gone Shimonthini would no longer be bound to him and he would have the freedom to pursue her heart before she feared for her body. That was what he aimed for.
The hours passed by as one ritual went after the other and the couple got frustrated. Shinjini sat on a reclining chair munching on potato chips while Shimonthini got flustered with the mother's thousand questions. Shinjini had already been accosted earlier. After the many rituals went the many feasting, food that neither husband nor wife preferred. Soon the day was to come to a close. Shimonthini excused herself into the room that belonged to her many a years ago. Rupert was entrusted to the guest room while Shinjini refused to share the room with her sister and wished to go back home.
Shinjini finally had her own home and did not feel the need to intrude upon her mother's household. Girls grow up dreaming of a home, a family, a kitchen and a roof that they can claim their ownership to. It is second nature of a woman to envy and she starts her journey by envying her own mother. Well, Shinjini did not need to envy her mother any more. She had the better home, better family and with Shimonthini soon out of her house there would be little to overrule her. The Matriarch and her companion were silent spectators in the occurrences of the household. Shinjini felt uncomfortable in their silent judgement but truth remained that they were withering away by the day and her position in the household was blossoming by the hour. The old order changeth yielding to the new and Shinjini was the new order of the Mukherjee household. However, the thing that had brought her to her maternal home all of a sudden still remained.
Despite Damyanti's sense of discretion and the need for order disorder always spreads. It is the law of the universe that all systems tend towards the disordered state. The Entropy of the world always increases and can never be zero. Shinjini did find out about Rahul's visit to Moni di's room, a visit that had left him flustered and irritable. Shinjini knew that her sister was not the innocent little maiden she assumed to be and she doubted very much that it was the wanton female who had lured her husband. Tit for tat it always went in her world and Shinjini secretly stole into the room where a working Rupert sat with his smart phone typing documents that he planned to mail into office that very day. Shinjini did not have to be told that women were always Rupert's weakness. Perhaps they are every man's weakness and Shinjini decided to tempt the man whose wife dared to break the sanctity of her marriage.
"What do you want, sister?" Rupert asked courteously.
"I want you just like your wife often wants my husband," Shinjini said matter-of-factly.
The fact that the Matriarch had informed Rupert that Shimonthini originally knew herself to be Rahul's fiancé only made him believe her more. Shinjini's words did not break his resolve into making Shimonthini his. If anyone in the Mukherjee household believed in the sanctity of marriage it was then perhaps Rupert. Damyanti had seen her marriage become a joke, Imli had found herself in enforced slavery through marriage. Rahul understood marriage to be a way to a means which he least expected. Ravi was too immature to put importance to it. Under such a condition Rupert felt his heart melt a little on hearing of his wife's indiscretion. He would have to ask her to come clean about it. Rupert believed in honesty to be better than half truths and compromises. It was better to live with a bitter truth than half baked lies.
"What do you want from me?" Rupert asked half knowing the answer to his question.
"I want you to help me forgive my husband and my sister, by making them forgive their respective spouse and sibling, as well." Shinjini offered.
Rupert took a deep breath. "I am not going to cheat on my wife but if you want to spend your night here I have no objection as long as you leave before my in-laws awaken the following morning."
Shinjini climbed up into Rupert's bed and felt his jaw harden. Shinjini had seen men weak before women. She had seen men detest women exploiting their weaknesses. Shinjini knew men to be enamoured with the thought of women, the touch of women, and the scent of women. The first time could she find a man willing to test his endurance of a woman for the sake of a relationship he was not responsible for!
"Are you sure you don't even want a bite?" Shinjini asked not referring to any food item but rather herself.
Rupert looked at her and smiled at her desperation. He was not tense because he was affected and her desperation made him surer of himself. "I won't lie to you and tell you I have turned a vegetarian. 'T is Far from it. But over the years I have realized that the success and failure of a marriage are in our own hands. If I do not forgive my own wife and wish to exact revenge than how is tolerance ever going to be a part of our relationship? Even a new Christian falters in faith but he learns from those stumbling blocks to stand more erect and more firm in God's love. I would rather not expect her love to be as pure as that of God. What I might expect is to strive to attain his likeness like all his children are wont to be and try to be as forgiving as Him."
"Are you a preacher or something?" Shinjini asked.
"No sister. I am a sinner. My Lord is the Lord of the sinners and transgressors and He is there to forgive us." Rupert explained.
"Whatever you say, bro! I am right here for the night. If you need a fuck you know where you need to turn to." So saying Shinjini turned her back towards him and turned off the light on her side of the bed.
It was past midnight when Shimonthini felt thirsty and she stole into her husband's room to witness his sleeping form. What she witnessed were her sister's arms folded around his chest as they both slept peacefully. Shimonthini rushed to her own room, tears streaking down her face. She went into her bed and tried to shut off the images from sending whiplashes of pain through her memory. It did not work much. After a while, Shimonthini got down from her bed and kneeled beside it. "Dear father in Heaven, I did not ask for a home, I did not ask for a husband. All I asked was for a sense of belonging. Now I know I have what does not belong to me, what I do not deserve. Teach me how to look into my dear one's transgressions and forgive them in a heart beat. Teach me how you forgive your children that mistreat you. I need your guidance to be that which may assuage my husband's desires. Help me, Father. Amen."
Shimonthini went back into her bed and waited for her eyes to close again. Tomorrow was always a new day. Tomorrow was always a new beginning. When tomorrow came Shinjini was gone. No one knew of her absence from the household save the men who shared and were supposed to share her bed. Shimonthini and Rupert boarded the cab that was to take them to the airport and out of this life that had brought them together. Shimonthini never asked Rupert about the night before and Rupert did not ask her about Shinjini's accusations.
"When is the wedding?" Shimonthini asked.
"I have postponed it," Rupert answered.
The poison of doubt stung her heart and a tear trickled down her eyes. "That is a good decision." Shimonthini tried to say before her voice was choked by the tears that threatened to burst out.
"I am not Rahul Mukherjee. I am not the eldest son of the Mukherjee household. I am not a widower and I am definitely not the man you were supposed to marry. I am eager to work within my limitations but I do not want to work behind the shield of the kumkum marking your forehead. I want you to be comfortable spending your life with me but that I want to be your decision. If within the next one month we find that we are not compatible with one another you may decide to part ways. As for me, that ring on your finger is proof enough that I wish to spend the rest of my life with you." Rupert said. Shimonthini nodded. However, the scene of her sister's arms across her fiancé's chest failed to leave her subconscious. Was she too old for his liking?
Back in Paris Henry waited impatiently for his flight to London where he intended to meet his brother's fiancée whom he was now not to give away to him. His curiosity was at his peak. Rosaline had eloped with his younger brother Heinrich bringing shame to him and his family. That had been followed by a year of Rupert's hatred of anything and everything about the Monnets. Heinrich Monnet was the man who had taken Rupert's daughter away from him. Truth to be told Rosaline was not Rupert's biological daughter but she believed otherwise. Her marriage with Heinrich had made her even more dispassionate towards her foster father and guardian. Henry knew that Rosaline was going to attend the wedding that had almost been announced and for that, she would be in London. All that Heinrich had to ensure was that father and daughter were united and the distance that had furthered them over the last couple of years would disappear. Add to that the excitement of meeting the fiancée of the man who 'did not do' relationships. Henry had a gut feeling that this trip was going to be interesting.
What Henry did not count on was coming face to face with Shimonthini, a face he knew so well and a woman he had never met. How would Henry come to terms with Shimonthini's decision to bury his muse in the sands of time and live a life of anonymity in her husband's shadow?
Shimonthini looked at Rupert. He was silent throughout the drive. That was not uncommon for him. He was mostly silent. Rupert's eyes always spoke more than he did and he had cut off her view into his heart by wearing sunglasses. Shimonthini felt like reaching out and taking them off. She would have saved for the doubt that lingered on in her mind: "Was she what he wanted?"When they reached home Sipra had been eagerly waiting. Shinjini had come to visit a few days ago. She had finished eight days of married bliss. Shimonthini had refused to come then. She could have but she didn't want to tell her personal details amongst a crowd gathered to celebrate a week of their marriage. This visit was however personal and for all that the Hazras would know their daughter would keep visiting them again and again.When the car stopped Rupert hurried out to open Shimonthini's door. Shimonthini smiled at the gesture and gave him her hand which he took and brought to his mouth. His lips held a heartwarming smile. If only She could see the doubt clouding his blue eyes Shimonthini would have told him that her smile had nothing to do with memories of Rishi and all that she had told him about the dead and departed were stories made up to force her heart to love the man her head had once told was sufficient for her.It was difficult for Shimonthini to recall when the time was that she felt anything for Rishi or if she felt anything at all. Rishi was the first lover, not by choice. He was the first real-life person she confided her fears and doubts in and he used them to manipulate her. Shimonthini lost her hard earned job because Rishi had made her err. She trusted his judgement more than her own. She was young and naive and gullible. Rishi was the handsome CEO showering her with attention. She believed him when he told her that she was more beautiful than a diamond while buying diamonds for other women. She believed him when he accused her to not know how to behave with a man and that she had led him on when he molested her. She even believed his reason for not wanting to marry her for the years that they were together.The thing with a woman believing is that it never coincides with what she knows. Shimonthini knew that Rishi was playing her emotions all along. She knew about the woman Rishi was forced to marry at the age of twenty when he had gotten her pregnant. She knew that Rishi was draining her bank accounts dry. But knowing all this did not change what she told herself to believe. Yes, she was lying to herself in so many different ways. But at the end of the day she got from it what she needed, a reason to live. Being exploited cannot be a logical reason to live. Women are rarely if ever logical. When Rishi died Shimonthini struggled hard to shed a tear. The feeling that passed through her was a relief. She was free. She was no longer honour bound to a man who had no affection for her. The first tears that came were for the years she had lost. How cruel could nature be? One day more and she would be an honourable widow. One day less and she was a grieving mistress while his legal wife lay in some part of India in ignorant bliss waiting for the money he would send embezzled from Simonthini's accounts. With the point of affection gone Shimonthini had stopped thinking irrationally and her mind couldn't stop accusing her of foolishness. Still, she was his betroth and when Fates finally made Shimonthini's dream of a family come true the guilt of being happy at the expense of his death kept eating the relationship. Shimonthini knew what she needed right then. She needed her best friend but he was all the way out there in Paris playing a tune on the piano he called Monique to a full concert.When Henry received his brother's call telling him that the wedding was to be called off he was surprised. One fact he knew well about his brother was that he never backed down. Rupert Mornington never got cold feet. Then why did he now? Henry didn't ask. Henry never asked a question to the brother who had stood by him when no one would. Therapy after therapy went by as he lost connection to reality and regained and lost again. Two things kept his sanity locked down somewhere inside his heart: his brother's faith in him and his muse's trust in him. Henry wondered where Monique was. A fortnight had passed since the accident. Henry wondered if she could at least try and learn to be happy by herself.Women are parasites, at least most are. They live off the emotions of others. A young girl sees her mother and wants to be like her. The first signs of jealousy are seen in the throes of childhood as the daughter dons her mother's garments and ravages her cosmetics for that perfect shade of pink that would remove all distinction between the mother and daughter. Then as the girl grows in years what she yearns for is her own family, a husband to cook for, a son to sew for and a daughter to dress up. A few years later she wishes for her mother's kitchen and then soon for her own. Society is just in this that it never lets a daughter steal her own mother's life but pushes her towards a different home with a different mother and a different husband. Reverse Oedipus complex is not just a sexual bent of mind. It is a social yearning that a daughter has for emulating the womb that engendered her.Sipra waited at the door to receive her emulator who for some reasons had decided in her early youth that it was not worth mimicking a narrow-minded, semi-educated Indian housewife in her pursuits of worldly ways. What the other never realized was that the daughter was consciously denying herself the right to be jealous of the people who had endowed her with the gift of life. Rupert stood behind the two women hugging and took off his sunglasses to finally reveal reddened eyes. He explained an allergic reaction to dust at his mother in law's concern. He could never explain his tears for a man never cries.Men are simpler creatures, so preoccupied to assumptions that they rarely have to undergo a struggle between the head and the heart. A dog is a man's best friend for the same reason. Both these creatures are immune to the tug of temptation unless it comes from the opposite sex. It calls to mind the expression of a dog in heat and a man in love, both worthless for a worldly purpose. Rupert was not in love. He was incapable of loving a woman, another assumption that had been thrust on him by society, an assumption born more of the thousands of responsibilities he had shouldered rather than the one responsibility he could not. The time when his autistic sister lay dying in the hospital bed was a critical time for Rupert. A woman lay in wait for him and for a decision he needed to make. When he was finally relieved of one responsibility and sworn into the next the moment of the decision was passed. The woman he loved was betrothed to a man who was there for her when he was not.Responsibilities define a lot of relationships. When God made the man he made him Lord of the world and the responsibilities came upon man to be a good Lord, to tend to his cattle, to fleece his sheep, to sow seeds in his fields and to provide for his woman. To the woman, He entrusted the responsibility of comforting her husband alone. So while the man lay toiling through his tasks the woman, unencumbered, gave in to the temptation of the serpent and ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. What if man never knew what was good or what was evil? Then there would be no definition of sin. A man could kill a beast and eat for lunch without the fear of being a beast in his next life. But wait! Only the Hindus have to undergo that. Is it really so? If God created man, he created all mankind. The man was the one who created a religion.Rupert had readily taken up Shimonthini's responsibility. He was wont to do it. What he did not know how to do was to combat the emotions he felt for the woman who was using him as a rebound for her lost love. Rupert may not love her but he had decided on one thing, a responsibility he took was a responsibility he had to accomplish. He had decided to speak to her and tell her he was postponing the wedding till the time she felt she would marry him out of her will and not out of compulsion. When the couple entered the house following the mother they found seated on the couch a woman neither wanted to see. It was not Aunt Rupa for all it was worth but it was Shinjini."What are you doing here?" Shimonthini asked."You are at my house, remember?" Shinjini countered.Shimonthini could not deny the right to the home that she had relinquished so long ago. Yes, this was Shinjini's home and a home she too longed to get back. It was Sipra who reminded her boastful daughter that it was Moni's house before it ever was hers.Rupert sat down uncomfortably. He knew there was tension between the two sisters without having to have every word translated to him. His plans to start wooing the woman he was to spend the rest of his life with would have to wait till he was out of this country. With the ties to the country gone Shimonthini would no longer be bound to him and he would have the freedom to pursue her heart before she feared for her body. That was what he aimed for.The hours passed by as one ritual went after the other and the couple got frustrated. Shinjini sat on a reclining chair munching on potato chips while Shimonthini got flustered with the mother's thousand questions. Shinjini had already been accosted earlier. After the many rituals went the many feasting, food that neither husband nor wife preferred. Soon the day was to come to a close. Shimonthini excused herself into the room that belonged to her many a years ago. Rupert was entrusted to the guest room while Shinjini refused to share the room with her sister and wished to go back home.Shinjini finally had her own home and did not feel the need to intrude upon her mother's household. Girls grow up dreaming of a home, a family, a kitchen and a roof that they can claim their ownership to. It is second nature of a woman to envy and she starts her journey by envying her own mother. Well, Shinjini did not need to envy her mother any more. She had the better home, better family and with Shimonthini soon out of her house there would be little to overrule her. The Matriarch and her companion were silent spectators in the occurrences of the household. Shinjini felt uncomfortable in their silent judgement but truth remained that they were withering away by the day and her position in the household was blossoming by the hour. The old order changeth yielding to the new and Shinjini was the new order of the Mukherjee household. However, the thing that had brought her to her maternal home all of a sudden still remained.Despite Damyanti's sense of discretion and the need for order disorder always spreads. It is the law of the universe that all systems tend towards the disordered state. The Entropy of the world always increases and can never be zero. Shinjini did find out about Rahul's visit to Moni di's room, a visit that had left him flustered and irritable. Shinjini knew that her sister was not the innocent little maiden she assumed to be and she doubted very much that it was the wanton female who had lured her husband. Tit for tat it always went in her world and Shinjini secretly stole into the room where a working Rupert sat with his smart phone typing documents that he planned to mail into office that very day. Shinjini did not have to be told that women were always Rupert's weakness. Perhaps they are every man's weakness and Shinjini decided to tempt the man whose wife dared to break the sanctity of her marriage."What do you want, sister?" Rupert asked courteously."I want you just like your wife often wants my husband," Shinjini said matter-of-factly.The fact that the Matriarch had informed Rupert that Shimonthini originally knew herself to be Rahul's fianc only made him believe her more. Shinjini's words did not break his resolve into making Shimonthini his. If anyone in the Mukherjee household believed in the sanctity of marriage it was then perhaps Rupert. Damyanti had seen her marriage become a joke, Imli had found herself in enforced slavery through marriage. Rahul understood marriage to be a way to a means which he least expected. Ravi was too immature to put importance to it. Under such a condition Rupert felt his heart melt a little on hearing of his wife's indiscretion. He would have to ask her to come clean about it. Rupert believed in honesty to be better than half truths and compromises. It was better to live with a bitter truth than half baked lies."What do you want from me?" Rupert asked half knowing the answer to his question."I want you to help me forgive my husband and my sister, by making them forgive their respective spouse and sibling, as well." Shinjini offered.Rupert took a deep breath. "I am not going to cheat on my wife but if you want to spend your night here I have no objection as long as you leave before my in-laws awaken the following morning."Shinjini climbed up into Rupert's bed and felt his jaw harden. Shinjini had seen men weak before women. She had seen men detest women exploiting their weaknesses. Shinjini knew men to be enamoured with the thought of women, the touch of women, and the scent of women. The first time could she find a man willing to test his endurance of a woman for the sake of a relationship he was not responsible for!"Are you sure you don't even want a bite?" Shinjini asked not referring to any food item but rather herself.Rupert looked at her and smiled at her desperation. He was not tense because he was affected and her desperation made him surer of himself. "I won't lie to you and tell you I have turned a vegetarian. 'T is Far from it. But over the years I have realized that the success and failure of a marriage are in our own hands. If I do not forgive my own wife and wish to exact revenge than how is tolerance ever going to be a part of our relationship? Even a new Christian falters in faith but he learns from those stumbling blocks to stand more erect and more firm in God's love. I would rather not expect her love to be as pure as that of God. What I might expect is to strive to attain his likeness like all his children are wont to be and try to be as forgiving as Him.""Are you a preacher or something?" Shinjini asked."No sister. I am a sinner. My Lord is the Lord of the sinners and transgressors and He is there to forgive us." Rupert explained."Whatever you say, bro! I am right here for the night. If you need a fuck you know where you need to turn to." So saying Shinjini turned her back towards him and turned off the light on her side of the bed.It was past midnight when Shimonthini felt thirsty and she stole into her husband's room to witness his sleeping form. What she witnessed were her sister's arms folded around his chest as they both slept peacefully. Shimonthini rushed to her own room, tears streaking down her face. She went into her bed and tried to shut off the images from sending whiplashes of pain through her memory. It did not work much. After a while, Shimonthini got down from her bed and kneeled beside it. "Dear father in Heaven, I did not ask for a home, I did not ask for a husband. All I asked was for a sense of belonging. Now I know I have what does not belong to me, what I do not deserve. Teach me how to look into my dear one's transgressions and forgive them in a heart beat. Teach me how you forgive your children that mistreat you. I need your guidance to be that which may assuage my husband's desires. Help me, Father. Amen."Shimonthini went back into her bed and waited for her eyes to close again. Tomorrow was always a new day. Tomorrow was always a new beginning. When tomorrow came Shinjini was gone. No one knew of her absence from the household save the men who shared and were supposed to share her bed. Shimonthini and Rupert boarded the cab that was to take them to the airport and out of this life that had brought them together. Shimonthini never asked Rupert about the night before and Rupert did not ask her about Shinjini's accusations."When is the wedding?" Shimonthini asked."I have postponed it," Rupert answered.The poison of doubt stung her heart and a tear trickled down her eyes. "That is a good decision." Shimonthini tried to say before her voice was choked by the tears that threatened to burst out."I am not Rahul Mukherjee. I am not the eldest son of the Mukherjee household. I am not a widower and I am definitely not the man you were supposed to marry. I am eager to work within my limitations but I do not want to work behind the shield of the kumkum marking your forehead. I want you to be comfortable spending your life with me but that I want to be your decision. If within the next one month we find that we are not compatible with one another you may decide to part ways. As for me, that ring on your finger is proof enough that I wish to spend the rest of my life with you." Rupert said. Shimonthini nodded. However, the scene of her sister's arms across her fianc's chest failed to leave her subconscious. Was she too old for his liking?Back in Paris Henry waited impatiently for his flight to London where he intended to meet his brother's fiance whom he was now not to give away to him. His curiosity was at his peak. Rosaline had eloped with his younger brother Heinrich bringing shame to him and his family. That had been followed by a year of Rupert's hatred of anything and everything about the Monnets. Heinrich Monnet was the man who had taken Rupert's daughter away from him. Truth to be told Rosaline was not Rupert's biological daughter but she believed otherwise. Her marriage with Heinrich had made her even more dispassionate towards her foster father and guardian. Henry knew that Rosaline was going to attend the wedding that had almost been announced and for that, she would be in London. All that Heinrich had to ensure was that father and daughter were united and the distance that had furthered them over the last couple of years would disappear. Add to that the excitement of meeting the fiance of the man who 'did not do' relationships. Henry had a gut feeling that this trip was going to be interesting.What Henry did not count on was coming face to face with Shimonthini, a face he knew so well and a woman he had never met. How would Henry come to terms with Shimonthini's decision to bury his muse in the sands of time and live a life of anonymity in her husband's shadow?
