Chapter 127: 127
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(Serena's perspective)
[Present time]
Soren finds me an hour after my outburst curled up in his secret garden, tucked under the shade of a willow, feet half dipped into the lake, watching the reflection of the stars play in the water as fish and minnows dart about the surface, sending a smattered array of ripples kaleidoscope across the shallows. I am sure if he had wanted to find me sooner, come and talk me out of the catastrophic panic that had ensued and sweep me up into his arms he would have done so, but in honesty, I am grateful that he didn't. Turns out I desperately needed some time to think about this, about everything. Everything is a mess.
Soren sits next to me in silence, letting me draw in his presence as he removes his boots and sets his feet down into the water, wetting the edges of his trousers. At first I debate yelling at him, screaming at him to leave. But screaming wouldn't do anything, the damage is already done. I can't tell what I am more angry at, the fact practically turned me with no clue whether or not I would come out unharmed, or the fact he has known what I am, known, and has not said a word. Maybe I should be overjoyed that he doesn't hate me, that I can still have the love of my life and not risk exposing myself to being ripped to shreds on the turn of an instant. I should be happy- should be, but I can't quite yet bring myself to that point.
At last, I pluck up the courage to speak in a manner that is at least a margin more conservative than yelling.
"How long have you known? What I am?" I ask, trying and failing to hide the bitterness in my voice, still not facing him, my eyes fixated on a spot opposite the lake where the moonlight flickering in ripples as a moth dances across its surface, as though watching that alone may make everything else disappear. I feel Soren's gaze turn to me as he stirs the water from our spot on the bank.
"Do you want the truth, or a lie?" he asks cautiously, likely out of concern for sparing my already fragile feelings, but the option only serves to infuriate me more. I am done with being lied to.
"No more lies," I say firmly, holding up my finger to him. "No more games, no more backstabbing, no more anything. I want us to be on the same page, I need to know where I stand with you, so I can stop living my life in fear of the consequences. So give me the truth. All of it."
Soren sucks in a shaky breath, as if anticipating my anger. He breathes out.
"I have known what you are for a long, long time now," he sighs at last, letting his fingers rustle and brush the grass, stirring it curiously with the tips of his pointed fingers. My eyes remain fixed, not daring to look at him. Seeing I am not going to answer, Soren continues on reluctantly.
"The minute I met you in the forest, I could hear your thoughts as clear as day- the mating bond had already in place by then. I knew you were different then, but…" he pauses, mulling over the words in his mouth carefully, sparing a sideways glance at me every now and then as though assessing the situation. His slender fingers thrum nervously against the grass.
"I think I knew long before that too. Although it took me a while to realise that it was you- an angel, no, the angel Queen- when I danced with you in the great forest that day. I didn't realise- or perhaps didn't want to. The implications of you being an angel, and on top of that, my mate- it didn't sit well with me for a long time. I lamented tedious hours into the night, wondering whether I should just give up on that fabled dream where everything would work out. To be honest, I never expected that you would leave those grimy confines the angel council put up around Illistrae, I thought I would never see you again and be done with it. In fact, part of me wanted to never see you again, I thought it would make my life so much easier," he sighs once more, offering up a small smile of adoration, eyes glowing with pride. "You have changed so much since the first time I met you. I found it hard to believe you were the same little angel I met once, the same woman who also had me dancing in the Great Forest like her whole life had led up to that day."
I turn my attention to him. Soren glances at me from the side of his golden eyes, a faint smile playing on his full lips, moonlight catching on the graceful curves of his face, the delicate cheekbones and the sharpened point of his wintry jaw. His hair wavers ethereally in the breeze, beautifully messy, shining brown and black and deep purple under the darkened light of the stars. His cross pendants dangle on his ears, swaying under the light influence of a chilled night breeze and I almost find myself struggling to hold in a gasp. He looks breath-taking.
"You talk like you have met me before, but I don't have any recollection of such an event" I say, frowning, my brows furrowing a little in spite of myself. Surely if I had met him- the infamous vampire Prince who feasts on the hearts of the innocent, whose eyes twinkle with the blood of victims he has spilt and the hopelessly romantic idea of his words that could just about attract any woman. He offers me a suggestive wink.
"I have. Just once. It was a huge mistake, you were so young then- a carefree little sprite who didn't fear the big bad monster. As for you having no recollection of it… well, you will not remember it, I made sure of that. Though perhaps later I shall indulge you in the tale," he taps the side of his head for emphasis, and a shudder runs through me.
Ah, so he glamoured me then.
Soren leans back lazily, steadying himself as he brings his hands behind him to place flat on the grass to recline against the soft murmurings of the breeze that whispers between us.
"You are probably wondering, or failing to believe, how I- the Prince famed for the slaughter of your kind in my younger years, the bloody tyrant, could ever bring myself to love you, no?"
I purse my lips at his humoured remark, sloshing my feet absently in the water below us as I avert my gaze once more.
"The thought had crossed my mind, yes,"
He chuckles a little at the blandness of my response.
"I'll tell you a secret then," he insists smoothly, letting his head drop back against the shadows of the willow tree, his face speckled by the light of distant crystalline stars and the faint twinkles of reflection that scatter over the lake.
"The first time I met you, the very first time, I hated you." A pang of hurt stabs at my heart with the sharpness of his words, and I quickly turn away to hide my wince yet Soren, whose eyes exude and all seeing gaze on the matters of my heart, notices my strife and lifts a hand to smooth over my arm to quell my anxieties into submission. His fingers run soothingly across my skin.
"Let me finish," he says, in a manner of a parent telling off a child for skipping the main course and heading straight for desert, his voice playful, eyes alight with a renewed vigour. He continues on. "I hated you for what you did to me. I hated your guts, but most importantly I hated you for making me think I could be anything other than the heartless beast that I was destined to be. You must have been young at the time, perhaps eight when I came across you on the borders that day. So brazen, so unafraid, as if you trusted me so wholly not to kill you, and that I wasn't some empty, cold hearted vessel that didn't kill for the fun of simply seeing blood spilt across marble tiles to soak into the ground. I remember what you told me that day: 'you are too nice to be a monster'." Soren laughs to himself a little, eyes flickering open to cast a longing gaze in my direction.
"That was the most untrue thing I had ever heard- it still is. And yet your words have changed me in such indescribable ways that I can hardly explain it. I hated you because you, a small, fragile little girl whose wings are as tender and easy to tear as a piece of paper, you made me feel. And I despised feeling. Almost as much as I hated you for inflicting me with a consciousness," he pauses to lick his lips, fingers clenching between strands of grass until his knuckles turn a ghostly white, recalling the memory that he had buried deep within his mind, locked away behind iron bars plastered with the label of 'emotion'. Then his face softens.
"Of course, at that time, I didn't love you. The only feelings I had were contempt for your kindness. But then when I met you in the Great Forest years later, I felt the bond snap into place, and… I never imagined it would be you… you who..." he trails off, the wind whisking away his voice into the darkness. He breathes a heavy sigh, breath spiking the air in pillow-y plumes.
"Who I would fall in love with."
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(Serena's perspective)
[Present time]
Soren finds me an hour after my outburst curled up in his secret garden, tucked under the shade of a willow, feet half dipped into the lake, watching the reflection of the stars play in the water as fish and minnows dart about the surface, sending a smattered array of ripples kaleidoscope across the shallows. I am sure if he had wanted to find me sooner, come and talk me out of the catastrophic panic that had ensued and sweep me up into his arms he would have done so, but in honesty, I am grateful that he didn't. Turns out I desperately needed some time to think about this, about everything. Everything is a mess.
Soren sits next to me in silence, letting me draw in his presence as he removes his boots and sets his feet down into the water, wetting the edges of his trousers. At first I debate yelling at him, screaming at him to leave. But screaming wouldn't do anything, the damage is already done. I can't tell what I am more angry at, the fact practically turned me with no clue whether or not I would come out unharmed, or the fact he has known what I am, known, and has not said a word. Maybe I should be overjoyed that he doesn't hate me, that I can still have the love of my life and not risk exposing myself to being ripped to shreds on the turn of an instant. I should be happy- should be, but I can't quite yet bring myself to that point.
At last, I pluck up the courage to speak in a manner that is at least a margin more conservative than yelling.
"How long have you known? What I am?" I ask, trying and failing to hide the bitterness in my voice, still not facing him, my eyes fixated on a spot opposite the lake where the moonlight flickering in ripples as a moth dances across its surface, as though watching that alone may make everything else disappear. I feel Soren's gaze turn to me as he stirs the water from our spot on the bank.
"Do you want the truth, or a lie?" he asks cautiously, likely out of concern for sparing my already fragile feelings, but the option only serves to infuriate me more. I am done with being lied to.
"No more lies," I say firmly, holding up my finger to him. "No more games, no more backstabbing, no more anything. I want us to be on the same page, I need to know where I stand with you, so I can stop living my life in fear of the consequences. So give me the truth. All of it."
Soren sucks in a shaky breath, as if anticipating my anger. He breathes out.
"I have known what you are for a long, long time now," he sighs at last, letting his fingers rustle and brush the grass, stirring it curiously with the tips of his pointed fingers. My eyes remain fixed, not daring to look at him. Seeing I am not going to answer, Soren continues on reluctantly.
"The minute I met you in the forest, I could hear your thoughts as clear as day- the mating bond had already in place by then. I knew you were different then, but…" he pauses, mulling over the words in his mouth carefully, sparing a sideways glance at me every now and then as though assessing the situation. His slender fingers thrum nervously against the grass.
"I think I knew long before that too. Although it took me a while to realise that it was you- an angel, no, the angel Queen- when I danced with you in the great forest that day. I didn't realise- or perhaps didn't want to. The implications of you being an angel, and on top of that, my mate- it didn't sit well with me for a long time. I lamented tedious hours into the night, wondering whether I should just give up on that fabled dream where everything would work out. To be honest, I never expected that you would leave those grimy confines the angel council put up around Illistrae, I thought I would never see you again and be done with it. In fact, part of me wanted to never see you again, I thought it would make my life so much easier," he sighs once more, offering up a small smile of adoration, eyes glowing with pride. "You have changed so much since the first time I met you. I found it hard to believe you were the same little angel I met once, the same woman who also had me dancing in the Great Forest like her whole life had led up to that day."
I turn my attention to him. Soren glances at me from the side of his golden eyes, a faint smile playing on his full lips, moonlight catching on the graceful curves of his face, the delicate cheekbones and the sharpened point of his wintry jaw. His hair wavers ethereally in the breeze, beautifully messy, shining brown and black and deep purple under the darkened light of the stars. His cross pendants dangle on his ears, swaying under the light influence of a chilled night breeze and I almost find myself struggling to hold in a gasp. He looks breath-taking.
"You talk like you have met me before, but I don't have any recollection of such an event" I say, frowning, my brows furrowing a little in spite of myself. Surely if I had met him- the infamous vampire Prince who feasts on the hearts of the innocent, whose eyes twinkle with the blood of victims he has spilt and the hopelessly romantic idea of his words that could just about attract any woman. He offers me a suggestive wink.
"I have. Just once. It was a huge mistake, you were so young then- a carefree little sprite who didn't fear the big bad monster. As for you having no recollection of it… well, you will not remember it, I made sure of that. Though perhaps later I shall indulge you in the tale," he taps the side of his head for emphasis, and a shudder runs through me.
Ah, so he glamoured me then.
Soren leans back lazily, steadying himself as he brings his hands behind him to place flat on the grass to recline against the soft murmurings of the breeze that whispers between us.
"You are probably wondering, or failing to believe, how I- the Prince famed for the slaughter of your kind in my younger years, the bloody tyrant, could ever bring myself to love you, no?"
I purse my lips at his humoured remark, sloshing my feet absently in the water below us as I avert my gaze once more.
"The thought had crossed my mind, yes,"
He chuckles a little at the blandness of my response.
"I'll tell you a secret then," he insists smoothly, letting his head drop back against the shadows of the willow tree, his face speckled by the light of distant crystalline stars and the faint twinkles of reflection that scatter over the lake.
"The first time I met you, the very first time, I hated you." A pang of hurt stabs at my heart with the sharpness of his words, and I quickly turn away to hide my wince yet Soren, whose eyes exude and all seeing gaze on the matters of my heart, notices my strife and lifts a hand to smooth over my arm to quell my anxieties into submission. His fingers run soothingly across my skin.
"Let me finish," he says, in a manner of a parent telling off a child for skipping the main course and heading straight for desert, his voice playful, eyes alight with a renewed vigour. He continues on. "I hated you for what you did to me. I hated your guts, but most importantly I hated you for making me think I could be anything other than the heartless beast that I was destined to be. You must have been young at the time, perhaps eight when I came across you on the borders that day. So brazen, so unafraid, as if you trusted me so wholly not to kill you, and that I wasn't some empty, cold hearted vessel that didn't kill for the fun of simply seeing blood spilt across marble tiles to soak into the ground. I remember what you told me that day: 'you are too nice to be a monster'." Soren laughs to himself a little, eyes flickering open to cast a longing gaze in my direction.
"That was the most untrue thing I had ever heard- it still is. And yet your words have changed me in such indescribable ways that I can hardly explain it. I hated you because you, a small, fragile little girl whose wings are as tender and easy to tear as a piece of paper, you made me feel. And I despised feeling. Almost as much as I hated you for inflicting me with a consciousness," he pauses to lick his lips, fingers clenching between strands of grass until his knuckles turn a ghostly white, recalling the memory that he had buried deep within his mind, locked away behind iron bars plastered with the label of 'emotion'. Then his face softens.
"Of course, at that time, I didn't love you. The only feelings I had were contempt for your kindness. But then when I met you in the Great Forest years later, I felt the bond snap into place, and… I never imagined it would be you… you who..." he trails off, the wind whisking away his voice into the darkness. He breathes a heavy sigh, breath spiking the air in pillow-y plumes.
"Who I would fall in love with."
Serena's perspectivePresent timeSoren finds me an hour after my outburst curled up in his secret garden, tucked under the shade of a willow, feet half dipped into the lake, watching the reflection of the stars play in the water as fish and minnows dart about the surface, sending a smattered array of ripples kaleidoscope across the shallows. I am sure if he had wanted to find me sooner, come and talk me out of the catastrophic panic that had ensued and sweep me up into his arms he would have done so, but in honesty, I am grateful that he didn't. Turns out I desperately needed some time to think about this, about everything. Everything is a mess.Soren sits next to me in silence, letting me draw in his presence as he removes his boots and sets his feet down into the water, wetting the edges of his trousers. At first I debate yelling at him, screaming at him to leave. But screaming wouldn't do anything, the damage is already done.I can't tell what I am more angry at, the fact practically turned me with no clue whether or not I would come out unharmed, or the fact he has known what I am, known, and has not said a word. Maybe I should be overjoyed that he doesn't hate me, that I can still have the love of my life and not risk exposing myself to being ripped to shreds on the turn of an instant. I should be happy- should be, but I can't quite yet bring myself to that point.At last, I pluck up the courage to speak in a manner that is at least a margin more conservative than yelling."How long have you known? What I am?" I ask, trying and failing to hide the bitterness in my voice, still not facing him, my eyes fixated on a spot opposite the lake where the moonlight flickering in ripples as a moth dances across its surface, as though watching that alone may make everything else disappear. I feel Soren's gaze turn to me as he stirs the water from our spot on the bank."Do you want the truth, or a lie?" he asks cautiously, likely out of concern for sparing my already fragile feelings, but the option only serves to infuriate me more. I am done with being lied to."No more lies," I say firmly, holding up my finger to him. "No more games, no more backstabbing, no more anything. I want us to be on the same page, I need to know where I stand with you, so I can stop living my life in fear of the consequences. So give me the truth. All of it."Soren sucks in a shaky breath, as if anticipating my anger. He breathes out."I have known what you are for a long, long time now," he sighs at last, letting his fingers rustle and brush the grass, stirring it curiously with the tips of his pointed fingers. My eyes remain fixed, not daring to look at him. Seeing I am not going to answer, Soren continues on reluctantly."The minute I met you in the forest, I could hear your thoughts as clear as day- the mating bond had already in place by then. I knew you were different then, but" he pauses, mulling over the words in his mouth carefully, sparing a sideways glance at me every now and then as though assessing the situation. His slender fingers thrum nervously against the grass."I think I knew long before that too. Although it took me a while to realise that it was you- an angel, no, the angel Queen- when I danced with you in the great forest that day. I didn't realise- or perhaps didn't want to. The implications of you being an angel, and on top of that, my mate- it didn't sit well with me for a long time. I lamented tedious hours into the night, wondering whether I should just give up on that fabled dream where everything would work out. To be honest, I never expected that you would leave those grimy confines the angel council put up around Illistrae, I thought I would never see you again and be done with it. In fact, part of me wanted to never see you again, I thought it would make my life so much easier," he sighs once more, offering up a small smile of adoration, eyes glowing with pride. "You have changed so much since the first time I met you. I found it hard to believe you were the same little angel I met once, the same woman who also had me dancing in the Great Forest like her whole life had led up to that day."I turn my attention to him. Soren glances at me from the side of his golden eyes, a faint smile playing on his full lips, moonlight catching on the graceful curves of his face, the delicate cheekbones and the sharpened point of his wintry jaw. His hair wavers ethereally in the breeze, beautifully messy, shining brown and black and deep purple under the darkened light of the stars. His cross pendants dangle on his ears, swaying under the light influence of a chilled night breeze and I almost find myself struggling to hold in a gasp. He looks breath-taking."You talk like you have met me before, but I don't have any recollection of such an event" I say, frowning, my brows furrowing a little in spite of myself. Surely if I had met him- the infamous vampire Prince who feasts on the hearts of the innocent, whose eyes twinkle with the blood of victims he has spilt and the hopelessly romantic idea of his words that could just about attract any woman. He offers me a suggestive wink."I have. Just once. It was a huge mistake, you were so young then- a carefree little sprite who didn't fear the big bad monster. As for you having no recollection of it well, you will not remember it, I made sure of that. Though perhaps later I shall indulge you in the tale," he taps the side of his head for emphasis, and a shudder runs through me.Ah, so he glamoured me then.Soren leans back lazily, steadying himself as he brings his hands behind him to place flat on the grass to recline against the soft murmurings of the breeze that whispers between us."You are probably wondering, or failing to believe, how I- the Prince famed for the slaughter of your kind in my younger years, the bloody tyrant, could ever bring myself to love you, no?"I purse my lips at his humoured remark, sloshing my feet absently in the water below us as I avert my gaze once more."The thought had crossed my mind, yes,"He chuckles a little at the blandness of my response."I'll tell you a secret then," he insists smoothly, letting his head drop back against the shadows of the willow tree, his face speckled by the light of distant crystalline stars and the faint twinkles of reflection that scatter over the lake."The first time I met you, the very first time, I hated you." A pang of hurt stabs at my heart with the sharpness of his words, and I quickly turn away to hide my wince yet Soren, whose eyes exude and all seeing gaze on the matters of my heart, notices my strife and lifts a hand to smooth over my arm to quell my anxieties into submission. His fingers run soothingly across my skin."Let me finish," he says, in a manner of a parent telling off a child for skipping the main course and heading straight for desert, his voice playful, eyes alight with a renewed vigour. He continues on. "I hated you for what you did to me. I hated your guts, but most importantly I hated you for making me think I could be anything other than the heartless beast that I was destined to be. You must have been young at the time, perhaps eight when I came across you on the borders that day. So brazen, so unafraid, as if you trusted me so wholly not to kill you, and that I wasn't some empty, cold hearted vessel that didn't kill for the fun of simply seeing blood spilt across marble tiles to soak into the ground. I remember what you told me that day: 'you are too nice to be a monster'." Soren laughs to himself a little, eyes flickering open to cast a longing gaze in my direction."That was the most untrue thing I had ever heard- it still is. And yet your words have changed me in such indescribable ways that I can hardly explain it. I hated you because you, a small, fragile little girl whose wings are as tender and easy to tear as a piece of paper, you made me feel. And I despised feeling. Almost as much as I hated you for inflicting me with a consciousness," he pauses to lick his lips, fingers clenching between strands of grass until his knuckles turn a ghostly white, recalling the memory that he had buried deep within his mind, locked away behind iron bars plastered with the label of 'emotion'. Then his face softens."Of course, at that time, I didn't love you. The only feelings I had were contempt for your kindness. But then when I met you in the Great Forest years later, I felt the bond snap into place, and I never imagined it would be you you who..." he trails off, the wind whisking away his voice into the darkness. He breathes a heavy sigh, breath spiking the air in pillow-y plumes."Who I would fall in love with."
