5. Self-reform
Summer is just around the corner. Even so, elderly people are doing radio exercise like usual with familiar sounds. When it’s over… This is another nostalgic chorus that sound like hoarse voice.
Whether it was a hopeful day or not, it was a fresh morning to leave home on weekdays. Until now, I was going out 20 minutes earlier than today to match Natsukawa. The position of the sun changes drastically in just that much time. And unlike yesterday, today I’m part of the masses by plunging into a crowd of people who go to work or school. Please let me join as well.
Well, last night was harsh. After Natsukawa went out, it was a natural that I was pursued by my Mom and Sister with a scary face. What kind of relationship did you have with that child? What kind of trick did you use? and What kind of thing were you talking about just now?
And finally, they said, how dare me to ask for another girl in front of such a cute girl, but when I was asked that, “How do you think I can be with such a cute girl?”, and the two of them fell silent. But hey, honestly, I don’t mind if they replied that question you know?
After the night passed, I feel very refreshing now.
I have made an effort more than enough to get along with Natsukawa. Of course, this is to stand next to her, who are good at everything. Thanks to that, I have a habit to study and do moderate exercise.
However, my effort never reaches Aika Natsukawa. I thought I would go down the more painful road just to stand next to her, but now, I don’t feel the need for that at all. When I adjusted the standards of things to my own potential, I didn’t have to expect much from everything I did.
“….As I thought, it’s scary.”
“Reality”. It approached me head-on, and the dream scene I was always seeing collapsed as if the glass had shattered.
The reason why something in me has cooled down can only be understood now that I’ve gotten over it. The soccer ball that suddenly blocked my way put a lot of stress on me and greatly discouraged me from chasing her. Perhaps it calmed me down forcefully and made me view my environment more objectively in that moment.
I still didn’t know what had happened at that time. However, later I was reminded when I saw myself with a stoop in the mirror of the toilet. Who the fuck do you thing you are? That was the best self-analysis. Let’s make that person useful for job hunting in the future.
◆
“….Huft“
The bell that starts the school rings. I’m near the classroom today so I can make it. I can’t do anything bad like yesterday.
Well, just because I leave home more slowly than usual doesn’t mean I’ll arrive at such a last minute like today. Honestly, normally I would have arrived in the classroom already and would have talked with some friends around me.
But, wait a moment. The one sit next to me is, Aika Natsukawa.
“As I thought, this’s impossible”
Awkwardness level is 120%, even just by sit down, the stress that I’ll feel is the type of stress that can make you go bald fast. I try to keep my confidence like usual, but my heart was also like usual. Do you think that the small citizen who did that kind of thing yesterday can be proudly be near next to the princess?
Dive into the classroom at the moment when the teacher was seen from the end of the corridor. It’s a mission complete, thanks to most of the students making noise, I was able to disguise myself as ‘Student Z’. ‘Student Z’ is not character who goes around like important character..…
“Hey”
“… Good, Good morning”
Immediately after I got to my seat, Natsukawa spoke to me. I remember all of last night scene at once, but I don’t want to cut off any relationship with her. Rather, if I can get close to her as a classmate or friend, I’ll be thankful. And, you see, I’m her number one fan.
We became silent for a moment, but I managed to make an eye contact and reply while stuttering.
“You, Why are you late today….”
When Natsukawa talked about something to me, the teacher entered the room. Megumi Otsuki-sensei…….. When Otsuki-chan stand as if she remembered something, she caught me at the very beginning and cracked a smile. I don’t think it’s a positive smile…. I’m sure of it!
“Good morning everyone. ‘Today’, it looks like everyone is there, without being late.”
“What are you talking about, Otsuki-chan, there’s still Sajou….is here already!? Why are you here already!?”
“I’m always behind Aika Natsukawa, you know.”
“You’re lying right? you…”
Starting with Otsuki-chan’s words, Yamazaki recognized my existence. Then, everyone looked at me with their faces saying, ‘This guy, seriously?’….. Is this what they always do on a daily basis? And Natsukawa looks at me with an amazed look too. Don’t say that this girl also don’t believe it either….
“Sajou-kun. Will you come to the staff room later?”
“…….”
It’s too late when I noticed my failure . When I think about it, I couldn’t make a joke while there were some classmates who knew that I had been chasing Natsukawa for two and a half years since I was in middle school second year.
◆
Megumi Otsuki. She is a beautiful teacher who has been assigned to the school at the same time as I entered this school. However, if someone said that she has a graceful personality, I can say that’s not really true, and somehow she gets angry when it’s time to gets angry, and laughs when it’s time to laughs, and has a very close relationship with the students.
By the way, after I turned back to the reality that I was just an average person, but still, I think that I was a central figure (Who make class feel more alive, basically a clown) in the class. However, it was made up of a trick called Chasing Aika Natsukawa, and I didn’t mean to be someone like that. But, probably that’s not possible anymore, right?.
I need to fade out.
First of all, I will start with Otsuki-chan. The teacher has been with me since early spring, but compared to my classmates, I don’t spend much time with her at school . Taking this first call as an opportunity, I’ll appeal that my attitude toward Natsukawa is not serious. From there, the target goes into the class, and going from that point is my student life will have no restrain, and I will change it to a calm one.
For that reason, I accept the teacher’s binder edge (attack)….. Hm, Otsuki-chan, no, I mean teacher? Isn’t the binder you have in your hand different from usual? It looks like something metallic…. Argh.
“… That thing, without saying everyone know that it’s just a joke, right?”
“Sajou-kun, if it’s you who said that, it can’t be count as a joke.”
“Oh, really?”
Even though I had the opportunity to look back at myself and realize my own value, but that just me, not how the others look at me. As far as I look by the atmosphere of the class and how the teacher talk to me, it seems that I was considered to be a rather ridiculous person.
As I was replying while thinking about various things, the teacher looked at me with a surprised face.
“It’s so unexpected… I thought you couldn’t be frank here. And, you seems to be in a normal state too.”
“Well, there are only teachers here.”
“….”
In the classroom, each student has a standing position. It is something that every student understands, even if they never say it, and teachers rarely intervene there.
It can’t be seen directly… but most teachers should be aware of the existence of that hierarchy.
“Are you okay to be like that in front of the teacher?”
“Well, it doesn’t make much different…”
“Is that so…”
In reality, there is no demerit when the teacher sees a boring side of a student. It will be more troublesome to flatter and get familiar with a teacher more than necessary. The best thing is that to be a troublesome student and a little disliked. Even when doing the lecture, that student will not get pointed.
Rather, I make it look casually so that she wouldn’t be interested in it, but the teacher that somehow have a depressed face, strangely it remained in my head.
Author’s note : If I’m a teacher, and my student think like this, Somehow it’ll make me feel sad
5. Self-reform
Summer is just around the corner. Even so, elderly people are doing radio exercise like usual with familiar sounds. When it’s over… This is another nostalgic chorus that sound like hoarse voice.
Whether it was a hopeful day or not, it was a fresh morning to leave home on weekdays. Until now, I was going out 20 minutes earlier than today to match Natsukawa. The position of the sun changes drastically in just that much time. And unlike yesterday, today I’m part of the masses by plunging into a crowd of people who go to work or school. Please let me join as well.
Well, last night was harsh. After Natsukawa went out, it was a natural that I was pursued by my Mom and Sister with a scary face. What kind of relationship did you have with that child? What kind of trick did you use? and What kind of thing were you talking about just now?
And finally, they said, how dare me to ask for another girl in front of such a cute girl, but when I was asked that, “How do you think I can be with such a cute girl?”, and the two of them fell silent. But hey, honestly, I don’t mind if they replied that question you know?
After the night passed, I feel very refreshing now.
I have made an effort more than enough to get along with Natsukawa. Of course, this is to stand next to her, who are good at everything. Thanks to that, I have a habit to study and do moderate exercise.
However, my effort never reaches Aika Natsukawa. I thought I would go down the more painful road just to stand next to her, but now, I don’t feel the need for that at all. When I adjusted the standards of things to my own potential, I didn’t have to expect much from everything I did.
“….As I thought, it’s scary.”
“Reality”. It approached me head-on, and the dream scene I was always seeing collapsed as if the glass had shattered.
The reason why something in me has cooled down can only be understood now that I’ve gotten over it. The soccer ball that suddenly blocked my way put a lot of stress on me and greatly discouraged me from chasing her. Perhaps it calmed me down forcefully and made me view my environment more objectively in that moment.
I still didn’t know what had happened at that time. However, later I was reminded when I saw myself with a stoop in the mirror of the toilet. Who the fuck do you thing you are? That was the best self-analysis. Let’s make that person useful for job hunting in the future.
◆
“….Huft“
The bell that starts the school rings. I’m near the classroom today so I can make it. I can’t do anything bad like yesterday.
Well, just because I leave home more slowly than usual doesn’t mean I’ll arrive at such a last minute like today. Honestly, normally I would have arrived in the classroom already and would have talked with some friends around me.
But, wait a moment. The one sit next to me is, Aika Natsukawa.
“As I thought, this’s impossible”
Awkwardness level is 120%, even just by sit down, the stress that I’ll feel is the type of stress that can make you go bald fast. I try to keep my confidence like usual, but my heart was also like usual. Do you think that the small citizen who did that kind of thing yesterday can be proudly be near next to the princess?
Dive into the classroom at the moment when the teacher was seen from the end of the corridor. It’s a mission complete, thanks to most of the students making noise, I was able to disguise myself as ‘Student Z’. ‘Student Z’ is not character who goes around like important character..…
“Hey”
“… Good, Good morning”
Immediately after I got to my seat, Natsukawa spoke to me. I remember all of last night scene at once, but I don’t want to cut off any relationship with her. Rather, if I can get close to her as a classmate or friend, I’ll be thankful. And, you see, I’m her number one fan.
We became silent for a moment, but I managed to make an eye contact and reply while stuttering.
“You, Why are you late today….”
When Natsukawa talked about something to me, the teacher entered the room. Megumi Otsuki-sensei…….. When Otsuki-chan stand as if she remembered something, she caught me at the very beginning and cracked a smile. I don’t think it’s a positive smile…. I’m sure of it!
“Good morning everyone. ‘Today’, it looks like everyone is there, without being late.”
“What are you talking about, Otsuki-chan, there’s still Sajou….is here already!? Why are you here already!?”
“I’m always behind Aika Natsukawa, you know.”
“You’re lying right? you…”
Starting with Otsuki-chan’s words, Yamazaki recognized my existence. Then, everyone looked at me with their faces saying, ‘This guy, seriously?’….. Is this what they always do on a daily basis? And Natsukawa looks at me with an amazed look too. Don’t say that this girl also don’t believe it either….
“Sajou-kun. Will you come to the staff room later?”
“…….”
It’s too late when I noticed my failure . When I think about it, I couldn’t make a joke while there were some classmates who knew that I had been chasing Natsukawa for two and a half years since I was in middle school second year.
◆
Megumi Otsuki. She is a beautiful teacher who has been assigned to the school at the same time as I entered this school. However, if someone said that she has a graceful personality, I can say that’s not really true, and somehow she gets angry when it’s time to gets angry, and laughs when it’s time to laughs, and has a very close relationship with the students.
By the way, after I turned back to the reality that I was just an average person, but still, I think that I was a central figure (Who make class feel more alive, basically a clown) in the class. However, it was made up of a trick called Chasing Aika Natsukawa, and I didn’t mean to be someone like that. But, probably that’s not possible anymore, right?.
I need to fade out.
First of all, I will start with Otsuki-chan. The teacher has been with me since early spring, but compared to my classmates, I don’t spend much time with her at school . Taking this first call as an opportunity, I’ll appeal that my attitude toward Natsukawa is not serious. From there, the target goes into the class, and going from that point is my student life will have no restrain, and I will change it to a calm one.
For that reason, I accept the teacher’s binder edge (attack)….. Hm, Otsuki-chan, no, I mean teacher? Isn’t the binder you have in your hand different from usual? It looks like something metallic…. Argh.
“… That thing, without saying everyone know that it’s just a joke, right?”
“Sajou-kun, if it’s you who said that, it can’t be count as a joke.”
“Oh, really?”
Even though I had the opportunity to look back at myself and realize my own value, but that just me, not how the others look at me. As far as I look by the atmosphere of the class and how the teacher talk to me, it seems that I was considered to be a rather ridiculous person.
As I was replying while thinking about various things, the teacher looked at me with a surprised face.
“It’s so unexpected… I thought you couldn’t be frank here. And, you seems to be in a normal state too.”
“Well, there are only teachers here.”
“….”
In the classroom, each student has a standing position. It is something that every student understands, even if they never say it, and teachers rarely intervene there.
It can’t be seen directly… but most teachers should be aware of the existence of that hierarchy.
“Are you okay to be like that in front of the teacher?”
“Well, it doesn’t make much different…”
“Is that so…”
In reality, there is no demerit when the teacher sees a boring side of a student. It will be more troublesome to flatter and get familiar with a teacher more than necessary. The best thing is that to be a troublesome student and a little disliked. Even when doing the lecture, that student will not get pointed.
Rather, I make it look casually so that she wouldn’t be interested in it, but the teacher that somehow have a depressed face, strangely it remained in my head.
Author’s note : If I’m a teacher, and my student think like this, Somehow it’ll make me feel sad
