To be honest, my 15 years before middle school was like hell.
Even if I say this, I'm sure anyone who knows me... No one will believe me.
Because I was born into a blessed family, grew up without any problems, and was given the environment to work hard.
As a result, I have achieved many excellent results in study, sports, and art.
So, people who know me on the surface may think, "Don't be spoiled."
Still, for me.
No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I push the limits.
If I continue to be compared to my brother, who easily goes to places I can't reach.
If I can't win anything, no matter how many times I really try.
―― My heart is broken and I despair.
Somewhere along the line, I got used to losing, gave up trying to win, and tried to come to terms with the fact that I was only Ike Haruma's sister.
And so when I became a high school student, I ... Finally, I decided to do a bad attempt.
That is, to keep him away from his best friend, Tomoki Yuuji, whom my brother always talks about happily.
I thought, If I do that, maybe I'll feel a little better.
...... I feel ashamed of myself for my childish behavior.
According to the story, the best friend seemed to be extremely dependable and kind.
He was the best friend that my brother acknowledged, and he wouldn't do anything strange to me.
Avoiding boys in high school and insinuating my brother.
It was a strategy that killed two birds with one stone.
I decided early on to make contact with Tomoki Yuuji-senpai.
☆
―― Right.
My relationship with senpai began as an attempt to win him over my brother.
That's all I wanted to do.
This relationship is very important to me now.
It has become very irreplaceable.
☆
It was while I was leaving school after the Golden Week holidays.
"I see. Then let's make a bet. If you win first place, I'll treat you to Touka's favorite food. If you don't win first place... Make me another lunch box."
Senpai said this to me, somewhat happily.
I was aware of my face getting hot when he said that with his straight, unclouded eyes.
…… Ah, Mou!
When I'm with senpai, my heartbeat becomes faster!!?
What do you mean "Make me another lunch box"!?
My heart... is going to explode!
You see... it's amazing right now, the sound of my heart.
thump-thump-thump, beating really hard.
Are, is it possible that senpai who’s walking next to me can hear me?
What a level of anxiety!?
"Oh no, senpai, you want to eat my homemade bento so badly that you want to make it a bet? Oh my God, isn't it about time I was asked to make miso soup every morning? I'm really worried ~"
"No, I wouldn't go that far."
"...M-Mou! It's a joke, of course! You don't have to make a bet, just tell me and I'll make you a lunch!"
Well, if you really asked me to make it, I would have made it for you every morning, though?
As expected, I couldn't say that, so I just tell him that I will make a lunch box anytime.
"I see, then, regardless of the grades, when the test is over, I'll treat Touka to something as thanks for the lunch box."
"Eh, really!? Hooray! If that's the case, I'll go make lunch with even more enthusiasm! No, it's kind of bad. I didn't mean that, though."
As I thought senpai was kind, it’s wonderful!
Looking at my favorite senpai, I saw a bit of gentleness in his expressionless face, and then he opened his mouth.
"I understand that the lunch box was an apology for the other day, but the fact that you usually buy bread from the store, but makes me a bento whenever I want... isn’t too much trouble, is it."
…… Arre, that is what you ask, senpai?
I'm a little irritated right now, you know?
That's obvious, senpai idiot!
"That's... because it's a request from my favorite, proud lover!"
After I said it, I realized.
Oh no, I said that on the spur of the moment.
What should I do... This is a confession, isn't it?
"A fake lover, though."
To me, who was impatient inside, he said only that while looking in the direction of the day after tomorrow.
......No no, senpai, Even if it was just a spur of the moment thing, isn't it cruel to let the confession of a girl in love go by like that?
Certainly, that may have sounded like a joke, but...
I am stunned and then think.
I like senpai.
I like him, I like him very much.
It may sound cheesy, but it's not an exaggeration to say that I love him.
But to him, it looks like I'm just a "fake lover" and an "important junior".
Until the other day, I was comfortable with that relationship.
That was fine.
But now is... That thing alone is something I don’t want.
I wanted senpai to like me too.
I wanted to be a "real" lover, not a "fake" one.
Senpai is kind and dependable.
I feel comfortable and happy when I'm with him.
Not only that, but I feel that there's a certain danger that I can't leave him alone, and sometimes I feel like he needs me to be there.
Besides, above all, senpai is...
For the first time, he looked at me properly.
He was the first person who recognized me.
This painful heart can't be helped.
Before I knew it, I was walking fast, leaving senpai behind.
Right in front of me, there was a railroad crossing with a barrier down, blocking my path.
I'm sure there will be a train coming through soon. ...I thought it was just right.
I turned on the spot and faced senpai.
A noisy sound reached my ears.
Even if I say it now, I don't know if it will be transmitted properly.
That's fine.
I don't want to convey this feeling, I just want to say it.
I see the face of a confused senpai.
Somehow, the expression looked so cute to me, and my cheeks became loose.
As it was, I went straight to him and told him how I felt.
"This relationship is fake, though. But these feelings have been real for a long time now, you know?"
The noise has disappeared.
Just like senpai looked at me.
Just like senpai acknowledged me.
I'm also watching and acknowledging senpai.
I carried it all on my own, and before I knew it, I was covered in scars.
And yet, I can't help but feel like I have no choice, a clumsy senpai...
I want to protect him from anyone else.
Hey, senpai.
The feeling of how I care for you is.
I think I like you, this feeling is ――.
It's real, okay?
"Eh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear it."
At my words, senpai said in a troubled tone.
――That's right, you can't hear it.
There was a train passing by earlier, and it was quite noisy.
…… But that's fine.
Today, after the consecutive holidays, I had an overwhelming feeling of excitement for a senior whom I hadn't seen in a long time, and I was feeling quite out of sorts.
I'm a little out of control, so I told him my feeling in a spur of the moment way...
As a matter of fact, I'm still afraid that this relationship might fall apart.
Because this relationship is an important connection for me.
That's why I said the feelings I couldn't suppress, but――.
I think telling him properly about my feelings is still a little too early.
In the end, it's just self-satisfaction.
That's why I was a little relieved that he didn't get the message properly, and then I looked at senpai who was staring straight at me, and thought again.
If I could convey these words and feelings, which have been completely overshadowed by the noise, properly here and now.
What will happen to the relationship between me and senpai?
Will senpai be pleased?
Or will it just annoy him?
I don't think it will be unsuccessful at all.
But I'm selfish, have a bad personality, and have a bad mouth.
I couldn't even think that my seniors would definitely accept my feelings.
――The words he told me before, "Until you get sick of the 'fake lover relationship'. Please continue this relationship with me."
I'm really hoping for a little bit of that.
One day, senpai got sick of my "fake" relationship with him.
......That he would confess to me that he wants me to be his "real" girlfriend.
Such a convenient and delusional thing, I, as a young and naive girl, am shyly dreaming of.
――I know it's not fair, even to myself.
I'm trying to take advantage of senpai’s kindness and immerse myself in a comfortable relationship with this love interest.
But please forgive me.
Someday, I will convey my feelings to senpai.
Just for a little while until then.
Just a little more――Let me indulge in this 'fake' lover relationship.
I didn't say it out loud, but with a feeling of prayer, I thought so.
That's why.
These words that I couldn't convey and this feeling――.
"No, it's still a secret!"
――Just a little more.
It's okay to keep it in my chest, right?
To be honest, my 15 years before middle school was like hell.
Even if I say this, I'm sure anyone who knows me... No one will believe me.
Because I was born into a blessed family, grew up without any problems, and was given the environment to work hard.
As a result, I have achieved many excellent results in study, sports, and art.
So, people who know me on the surface may think, "Don't be spoiled."
Still, for me.
No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I push the limits.
If I continue to be compared to my brother, who easily goes to places I can't reach.
If I can't win anything, no matter how many times I really try.
―― My heart is broken and I despair.
Somewhere along the line, I got used to losing, gave up trying to win, and tried to come to terms with the fact that I was only Ike Haruma's sister.
And so when I became a high school student, I ... Finally, I decided to do a bad attempt.
That is, to keep him away from his best friend, Tomoki Yuuji, whom my brother always talks about happily.
I thought, If I do that, maybe I'll feel a little better.
...... I feel ashamed of myself for my childish behavior.
According to the story, the best friend seemed to be extremely dependable and kind.
He was the best friend that my brother acknowledged, and he wouldn't do anything strange to me.
Avoiding boys in high school and insinuating my brother.
It was a strategy that killed two birds with one stone.
I decided early on to make contact with Tomoki Yuuji-senpai.
☆
―― Right.
My relationship with senpai began as an attempt to win him over my brother.
That's all I wanted to do.
This relationship is very important to me now.
It has become very irreplaceable.
☆
It was while I was leaving school after the Golden Week holidays.
"I see. Then let's make a bet. If you win first place, I'll treat you to Touka's favorite food. If you don't win first place... Make me another lunch box."
Senpai said this to me, somewhat happily.
I was aware of my face getting hot when he said that with his straight, unclouded eyes.
…… Ah, Mou!
When I'm with senpai, my heartbeat becomes faster!!?
What do you mean "Make me another lunch box"!?
My heart... is going to explode!
You see... it's amazing right now, the sound of my heart.
thump-thump-thump, beating really hard.
Are, is it possible that senpai who’s walking next to me can hear me?
What a level of anxiety!?
"Oh no, senpai, you want to eat my homemade bento so badly that you want to make it a bet? Oh my God, isn't it about time I was asked to make miso soup every morning? I'm really worried ~"
"No, I wouldn't go that far."
"...M-Mou! It's a joke, of course! You don't have to make a bet, just tell me and I'll make you a lunch!"
Well, if you really asked me to make it, I would have made it for you every morning, though?
As expected, I couldn't say that, so I just tell him that I will make a lunch box anytime.
"I see, then, regardless of the grades, when the test is over, I'll treat Touka to something as thanks for the lunch box."
"Eh, really!? Hooray! If that's the case, I'll go make lunch with even more enthusiasm! No, it's kind of bad. I didn't mean that, though."
As I thought senpai was kind, it’s wonderful!
Looking at my favorite senpai, I saw a bit of gentleness in his expressionless face, and then he opened his mouth.
"I understand that the lunch box was an apology for the other day, but the fact that you usually buy bread from the store, but makes me a bento whenever I want... isn’t too much trouble, is it."
…… Arre, that is what you ask, senpai?
I'm a little irritated right now, you know?
That's obvious, senpai idiot!
"That's... because it's a request from my favorite, proud lover!"
After I said it, I realized.
Oh no, I said that on the spur of the moment.
What should I do... This is a confession, isn't it?
"A fake lover, though."
To me, who was impatient inside, he said only that while looking in the direction of the day after tomorrow.
......No no, senpai, Even if it was just a spur of the moment thing, isn't it cruel to let the confession of a girl in love go by like that?
Certainly, that may have sounded like a joke, but...
I am stunned and then think.
I like senpai.
I like him, I like him very much.
It may sound cheesy, but it's not an exaggeration to say that I love him.
But to him, it looks like I'm just a "fake lover" and an "important junior".
Until the other day, I was comfortable with that relationship.
That was fine.
But now is... That thing alone is something I don’t want.
I wanted senpai to like me too.
I wanted to be a "real" lover, not a "fake" one.
Senpai is kind and dependable.
I feel comfortable and happy when I'm with him.
Not only that, but I feel that there's a certain danger that I can't leave him alone, and sometimes I feel like he needs me to be there.
Besides, above all, senpai is...
For the first time, he looked at me properly.
He was the first person who recognized me.
This painful heart can't be helped.
Before I knew it, I was walking fast, leaving senpai behind.
Right in front of me, there was a railroad crossing with a barrier down, blocking my path.
I'm sure there will be a train coming through soon. ...I thought it was just right.
I turned on the spot and faced senpai.
A noisy sound reached my ears.
Even if I say it now, I don't know if it will be transmitted properly.
That's fine.
I don't want to convey this feeling, I just want to say it.
I see the face of a confused senpai.
Somehow, the expression looked so cute to me, and my cheeks became loose.
As it was, I went straight to him and told him how I felt.
"This relationship is fake, though. But these feelings have been real for a long time now, you know?"
The noise has disappeared.
Just like senpai looked at me.
Just like senpai acknowledged me.
I'm also watching and acknowledging senpai.
I carried it all on my own, and before I knew it, I was covered in scars.
And yet, I can't help but feel like I have no choice, a clumsy senpai...
I want to protect him from anyone else.
Hey, senpai.
The feeling of how I care for you is.
I think I like you, this feeling is ――.
It's real, okay?
"Eh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear it."
At my words, senpai said in a troubled tone.
――That's right, you can't hear it.
There was a train passing by earlier, and it was quite noisy.
…… But that's fine.
Today, after the consecutive holidays, I had an overwhelming feeling of excitement for a senior whom I hadn't seen in a long time, and I was feeling quite out of sorts.
I'm a little out of control, so I told him my feeling in a spur of the moment way...
As a matter of fact, I'm still afraid that this relationship might fall apart.
Because this relationship is an important connection for me.
That's why I said the feelings I couldn't suppress, but――.
I think telling him properly about my feelings is still a little too early.
In the end, it's just self-satisfaction.
That's why I was a little relieved that he didn't get the message properly, and then I looked at senpai who was staring straight at me, and thought again.
If I could convey these words and feelings, which have been completely overshadowed by the noise, properly here and now.
What will happen to the relationship between me and senpai?
Will senpai be pleased?
Or will it just annoy him?
I don't think it will be unsuccessful at all.
But I'm selfish, have a bad personality, and have a bad mouth.
I couldn't even think that my seniors would definitely accept my feelings.
――The words he told me before, "Until you get sick of the 'fake lover relationship'. Please continue this relationship with me."
I'm really hoping for a little bit of that.
One day, senpai got sick of my "fake" relationship with him.
......That he would confess to me that he wants me to be his "real" girlfriend.
Such a convenient and delusional thing, I, as a young and naive girl, am shyly dreaming of.
――I know it's not fair, even to myself.
I'm trying to take advantage of senpai’s kindness and immerse myself in a comfortable relationship with this love interest.
But please forgive me.
Someday, I will convey my feelings to senpai.
Just for a little while until then.
Just a little more――Let me indulge in this 'fake' lover relationship.
I didn't say it out loud, but with a feeling of prayer, I thought so.
That's why.
These words that I couldn't convey and this feeling――.
"No, it's still a secret!"
――Just a little more.
It's okay to keep it in my chest, right?
